Now let me explain, I never grew up.

Song Of The Day: "Melt Show" by Old 97s

The protein shakes I've been drinking taste like liquid pudding. I'm not sure if I should be psyched or disgusting. I guess I'll just enjoy the fact that they keep me full and dropping pounds. A girl at The Sac complimented me on having one of the smallest waists she'd ever seen. Then we proceeded to talk about my ample ass and how I have no plans to wear Apple Bottom jeans in the future. Didn't really think my protein shakes would give me this much to blather about. Eh.

I'm going to pat myself on the aforementioned ass for being mondo productive yesterday. But I reckon it's easy to be productive when you're planning/working on fun stuff. Yep. I have fun on the brain.

1. My future-step-son's birthday par-tay. The reigns have been handed over to me (or I stole them...whatever), which is good because birthdays are my thing. I love me a birthday. Todd laid the foundation and I just went bananas from there. I had such great birthdays and birthday parties as a kid (I still do, actually) and I want to keep those traditions alive in my own family. I brain stormed with Katie Carnivore just for fun and we came up with some pure awesomeness. I asked Todd not to sensor my genius and he told me to do it up. So I'm doing it up. But with all kiddie parties, I predict one injury and 1 tummy ache. It happens.

2. My gift to my future-step son. Oh man...it's RAD! At first, it was all about combining something he'd like to do with a sort of mini-summer trip. Again, I have such bad ass memories of the trips we'd take in the summers, even if they were just for a weekend (we STILL take rad trips...man, I'm lucky). But the more I planned, the more I became excited! And Todd, too! So it's going to be a great time for all of us. I could get him some lame toy or game or something...but those get broken, lost, or lame. I bet if I gave him the choice between buying something or going where we're going...yeah. I know what he'd want. I don't want to spill the beans...not that I think 8 year olds are my blog demographic. I just want to keep the trip to ourselves...but not the excitement. BANANAS!

3. Let's go racin'!!! It's almost time to leave! I can't believe it. And I also can't believe that Todd seems to be embracing it now. We haven't gone away for a weekend since last August. I thought just I needed the break, but he needs it, too. I can't wait to sit in a lawn chair in my flipflops, drinking a frosty beverage, grilling, goofing off with my friends and my favorite fella on the planet. And let's no forget standing on top of our RV and cheering on JAAAAAAAAAAAMIE!!!! Go #26!

But as far as what I've ACCOMPLISHED...I got all the supplies for Jello shots (it's a race tradition), paper products, an MEAT! Thanks to my parents, I have lots and lots of MEAT! Not only was it super nice of them to let me raid their freezer, but this is going to save me SO MUCH MONEY! Tonight I have to go and get the rest of our snacks and such, get beer, ice, what have you. THEN we still have to pack everything up so it doesn't get water logged, clean out the car, take our shtuff to Sharon's to be transfered to the RV...and I haven't even THOUGHT about clothes! I'll have plenty of snacks and NO PANTS! HA! At least I'll fit in!

Maybe I just rambled a lot but I'm in a good mood. Take it in and be glad I'm not sick or sad. Lots of fun things on the horizon. Lots of events to get us closer to the wedding date. It's a lot of work to just be happy, ha ha. And expensive at times! But life is good. I'm not trying to convince myself that it is. It just IS. I gave my phone number to the new Pussyfoot Girl (1 new girl AND an emcee SECURED! Still hoping for 1 or 2 more chicks...we lost Bobbi Socks...boo) and got to use my married last name. It made Todd proud.

And with that, and a sudden stabbing pain...

OUT!

Still in her teens. Just as sweet as she can be.

Song Of The Day: "Sleepwalk" by Santo & Johnny

I went home Thursday night and went into a COMA! I have no idea what tropical hex was put on me but I woke up in the middle of the night in Sick City. Shivering, sweating, aching. It was only a 24 hour thang but I've been like an off-balance warshing machine ever since. Didn't really set the tone for my weekend, not that it wasn't productive and rewarding.

I've lost almost 9 pounds! I'll reward myself with tighter pants.

Didn't really make the progress I wanted to regarding the art show. Couldn't get my focus together. I did drink a few beers and rode my bike to the park once it started getting all dusky. I paused "Blue Velvet" to do this which sort of made me feel eerie and creeped out and pervy.

On my short journey, I discovered that "just like riding a bike" is a crock. I had no concept on how to turn with my wide handle bars. I was just happy to make it there in one piece without embarrasing myself and to swing for awhile. At that moment, I had no bills to pay, no wedding plans to make, no paintings to finish, no housework, no stress. I just had to swing. Man...kids have it made and they never realize it until it's too late. Little bastards.

And oh my gosh, I'd love to love 'em all!

Song Of The Day: "Sleep" by Lagwagon

I'M LOVING LIFE RIGHT NOW!

...

...

Yep. Still loving it.

Cobwebs fall on an old skipping record.

Song Of The Day: "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers

I had the best wake up call possible this morning. I can feel it in my toes and in the small of my back. I love that term... "the small". I went to bed early last night, like before the early bird special kind of early. I needed the sleep in this worst way and I woke up refreshed and revived. When I went to bed, I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and a generally dysfunctional attitdue.I didn't cry but I was on the verge...it all seems to have been repaired. It's amazing how crabby and miserable a person can get due to lack of quality sleep.

I was in bed before Tessa was at the bar. I'm awesome!

I've been stressed, it's no secret. There's enough stress in my day-to-day life but heap a wedding and a possible life change (can't talk about it now but it puts distance between myself and someone I want to karate chop in the throat, whcih is for the best) on top...it's overwhelming. I need to destress so we've scheduled a classic "Chill Day" for this weekend which includes, but is not limited to: watching movies, getting tender, cocktails, grilling (I bought steaks!), playing cards, Yahtzee, building "a nest", laughing our asses straight off. Chill Day prohibits paying or agonizing over bills and/or money, planning the wedding, shower, honeymoon or bachelor/bachelorete outtings, or dealing/worrying about any other stressors in our lives. Chill Day is ours from morning til night and NO ONE can tell us different. Ya got that? My weekend starts when I clock out tomorrow and THAT is a good thing.

I haven't finished "Angry Breakfast" yet. That is my goal for this evening. It's good to have goals. I've been setting painting quotas for the weekends and it's really helped. My quota for this weekend is 6 medium/large paintings. The clock is ticking. Gots to get creative. Luckily, my non-wife, Phee-Bizzle, agreed to make my promo postcards for Cannibalicious! I am not computer art savvy. Plus, it gives her something to do while her non-husband is on tour. Low Life Gallery said they'd provide the postcards if I provided the design. They also said they'd provide beer and win but a band (Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band) and snacks are up to me! Covered. Totally. I'm getting excited. I'm getting nervous. I want to sell 5. If I sell 5, I'll be the happiest kid alive. Slap happy! Orgasm happy! I bet you're all itching for the art show to be over like you were for Motor Mayhem to be over so I stop blathering about it. It's better than me yapping about always being a sicko or getting my emo on, right? RIGHT!

What else?

Nothing. Nothing else!

*HIGH FIVE*

Destiny is calling me! Open up my eager eyes!

Song Of The Day: "Fall Behind Me" by The Donnas

For anyone even remotely interested in my Cannibalicious! art show and corresponding blog diggity, I am changing the names of all the paintings. My initial thought was to give them all first names, like Sadie and Krista and Edward and so on. But I hate the names I gave them and pretty much hate most names. My unborn children are doomed. So I'm going back and naming them properly...along with posting a plethora of new work...some time this week. I have to get with Low Life to go over some shtuff about the show. That was a pretty exciting e-mail to get...makes it more real. And makes the fact that it's only 2 months away very real, and very scary. Which is rad.

Friday night, Todd and I had a blaaaaast at some fundraiser function for a co-worker's kid. We certainly drank our ticket's worth, I'll tell you what! We were goofy for each other and utterly in love. It's nice to fit in with the group. I love some of his co-workers and they love me. And apparently, some of them think I'm hot. Well VA-VOOM for me! We drove home singing and flirting and loving life and each other...we loved each other A LOT (blush). It paved the way for a solid weekend...which didn't include anything mind blowing (besides getting to put my wedding dress on for a fitting with the shoes and hairpiece) but was certainly productive and rad all around.

On Saturday night, Aiden made note of how cool it was that we were all on the couch together doing something (Todd was watching the Cavs lose, I was sketching, and he was playing some mind-numbing video game). Todd said, "This is how it should be". It was pretty nifty. It's also nifty that we'll be "a family" in 110 days. When I notified Todd of the current countdown, his response was "Hurry". I can't agree more. I can't wait to marry this dude. I don't think anyone else would love my terrible wink or my ridiculous paintings or the way I strip down with record speed and spin in circle in my drawers. He loves the silly and awkward parts of me. He loves the quirks. Doesn't get much better than that.

I hope everyone else out there is OK. I know some people are going through junk and that's just junky. And I know some people are having the time of their lives and that's awesome. I just hope everything evens out for everyone and that no one forgets about me while my back and neck and hands are aching from painting every free moment of my life away. I'll be pretty much missing-in-action for the next 2 months but I'll try and get out when I can to see all of y'all. Gotta poke my head out the Wack-a-Mole hole for an escape every now and again. And don't forget to mark your calendars. If I've ever supported your band or your art or your hobbies or your life...you'll be there.

CANNIBALICIOUS! opening night party
Friday, August 7th @ Low Life Gallery on Waterloo.
7:00 - 11:00
Featuring: Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band!

I was once a regular girl.

Song Of The Day: "Bang On" by The Breeders

I haven't waxed philosophical on song lyrics in awhile so I will pose the following question for you to ponder, discuss, and reply with your findings:

Is it a good or bad thing that the singer from the Spaceshits wants to "cook that woman up in bacon grease"? He wants to cook her up and get her fried up. It doesn't necessarily sound like a good thing BUT he also wants to rub that bacon grease up and down...he wants to grease her up! I think people might assume right off the bat that a man wanting to cook you up is not a good thing, but it COULD be a euphemism of some sort. I'm sure Erin will know. I'm sure Erin will set me straight. What ARE the intentions of the Spaceshits??? I can not rest until I know.

And man oh man, my most unfavorite person on the planet is up to their old antics again, SHOCKER! The hair is standing up on my neck and I'm milliseconds away from hissing and spitting and karate-chopping them in the throat, ninja style. I won't go into graphic details about why said person is so totally suck-o and always has been and always will be...but let me say once again that it makes me throw up right into my lap or the closest lap to mine that such a selfish, nasty, little brat thinks she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants with no consequences. I'd tell her to grow up but she won't. So I'll just cross my fingers that she gets a clue and continue to visualize high-fiving her in the face as a coping mechanism (and I'd say that this isn't about YOU, you-know-who, but you know that already).

ONWARD!

It's almost the weekend and mine is wide open (maaaaaaaaan, I had the perfect joke to make about appendages of above said person...but that would make me juvenile and immature). I can't spend any money because I have to buy honeymoon plane tickets next week. Found a sweet deal so I've got to pounce on it. 115 days until we're on the big boat. Todd is totally right...it's our reward for all the hard work we've done planning the wedding and reception (Camevil, I need your new address!). The event really isn't for us...it's for everyone else so they can share in our happiness or whatever. I think we've planned a rockin' good time for the people we love. Todd declared that "ours will rock socks off". I hope so. Anyway...the weekend...since I don't want to spend, I guess I'll paint. My goal is 4 medium to large paintings and 6 more of the baby ones. I love those itty bitty canvases and easels. Man, I don't have a lot of time left...10 weeks, I think! I have to eat, drink, sleep, and fuck paint. Literally.

LITERALLY have a good weekend, my friends!

I only smile when I lie then I tell you why.

Song Of The Day: "The Casbah" by Los Straitjackets

I did it. I did a strip tease down to drawers and heart-shaped pasties while dressed like a chicken. Finger Lickin' Strip Tease! I guess you could say the chicken part was semi-symbolic of the fact that (eventhough I'm super stoked with my body right now) I don't have the guts to do an actual nudie strip tease. I also don't have permission from the man who has claimed this ass. And I don't have much of a desire to get naked in front of friends-n-fans that I will have to look in the eye again.

Regardless, I did it! And people laughed! And cheered! And howled! I was also told by multiple people that it was the funniest thing they had ever seen. I had to focus on steady breathing because it was hot as a crotch in that costume. I feel successful. Sure, I didn't cure cancer or give birth or climb the corporate ladder...but I did a strip tease dressed like a chicken...and people laughed. SUCCESS IS MINE! And the rest of show was aces. I'm really proud of us. PFG is back!

Now that I'm done being the cock of the walk, I can just say that Los Straitjackets/S.C.O.T.S. was a mind-blowingly amazing show! Worth every penny! Even though I had a whole buncha garbage piled up on my brain (there IS such a thing as a false-positive), we had a blast.

Saturday...show day...I ran around like (for lack of a better term) a chicken with my head cut off. But it was worth it. Extra effort creates results. And even if it didn't go EXACTLY like I wanted...I got to chill with April, I fell in love with the beer garden at The Sac, I had quality girlfriend time, I stood my ground and I rallied. Plain-n-simple.

Sunday, I spent a lot of time alone...snoozing, watching A.N.T.M. marathons, renting movies. It was lonely...but my buddy wasn't feeling up to snuff, so what can you do? And eventhough we were only floors apart...I dunno. It felt far. Hormones. I wish I could stab them with a fork.

Yesterday we managed to get some holiday together time in which (shockingly) invovled margaritas, hurricans, mudslides, good food, My Bloody Valentine, snuggle naps, The Day The Earth Stood Still, sketching a new painting, cartoons, and snoozing. May sound boring and not very Memorial...but it felt pretty slick.

I wish I had more single friends. I realized today that my friends are all coupled up, which is good if we ever have another Ark situation. Not so good for the few acquaintances I have who could really use a "somebody" in their lives. Not that you NEED someone...God knows that at certain times in my life, I was better, safer and healthier alone. But it's nice to have someone to go have impromptu margaritas with and to watch cartoons with and to help you make a prop bathtub and to fix your bike tires and to tell you you look thinner and your skin looks nice. Whatever. There's one guy and one girl that I currently wish I had someone for. They aren't a match for each other...but still. I hope they find someone...even for just a summer romance.

I wish I could listen to "Summer Romance" by New Bomb Turks right NOW! Man. That would be awesome. Like how I can transition right from worrying about other people to worrying about my own ridiculous wants-n-needs. It's how I roll I guess. Love me or hate me. But...I'm guessing you love me!

*SMOOCH*

Baaaaaaaaaby, check this out!

Song Of The Day: "Cracker Jack" by Janis Martin

Squeeeeeeeal! I have been stressing like a 15 year old who is 5 days late because my second solo song ("Loretta Is a Sweater Girl" was a BUST) was making me bananas! I couldn't find ANYTHING that wasn't going to make me look like a teenager in a talent show. I was upset and frustrated (and this little runt on my street that I want to dropkick wasn't helping). And THEN...after listening to a song that was suggested to me over a year ago...it all came together and my brain orgasmed! Not only is the song a-dor-dor-dorable, but I've managed to turn it into a cute dance with props AND a drinking game! Everyone who isn't dead-n-buried loves a drinking game from time to time. As Sifl and Olly would say...ROCK!

I've been talking a lot about PFG lately, I know, and I'm sure that's annoying and making you itchy (I will stop blathering after this weekend). But we've been on hiatus since we had to cancel our October show when 2/3 of us had the Black Death. I was almost ready to throw in the towel...but instead I'm using it to wipe sweat off my brow. I'm a PFG through and through. And while Bobbi Socks is resting and repairing (we miss you), Tootsie Pop and I have been kicking cans! We've worked so hard to make our set at Motor Mayhem something awesome. New songs, old favorites, costume changes, lots of laughs...I'm proud of us. And the entire Motor Mayhem show is going to be buckets of fun. I haven't looked forward to something this much in a lengthy span of time. And since we announce our come back, interesting opporunities have presented themselves. I think we've found an emcee and photographer so now...all we need are a few new gals and...man, Dragway 42 is coming to blow minds this year. I'm just really happy right now. Let me bask in my jello-y pool of happiness. Won't you join me for a swim? How about Saturday at MOTOR MAYHEM! Bands starts at 7:00...we're third. Everyone should be there. EVERYONE!

So life is good. Life had been confusing and stressful and somewhat overwhelming but I woke up this morning and decided that I just want life to be good. I'm proud of what PFG have accomplished recently, I've finished 15 paintings in the last week or so (up on cannibalicious.blogspot.com RIGHT NOW), Weasel and I have been engaged for 200 days and have less than 4 months to go as of today, I've got rad friends (no Carol, YOU are the best), I found my wedding shoes and a badass headpiece, I've been eating better and dropping lbs. like a bad habit, people seem really stoked for the wedding, Rocko wrote us an adorable song that he will sing at the ceremony...my heart is full. My wallet is empty, but my heart is full. PLUS, "My Bloody Valentine in 3-D" came out yesterday! GORE IS GREAT! I don't know. Maybe I need to dial back the joy. But I won't.

"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For you."
"My pleasure."

Love her and she'll bring you luck.

Song Of The Day: "So Damn Hot" by OKGO

I had been so riled up about May Mayhem and was going bananas about all of the things that were planned...and so many of those things just didn't happen for one reason or another...mostly revolving around shows. I didn't go to Mad Sin, The Quakes, Joe Buck OR Bob Log III. And I feel alright about it. I've managed to get some art show-n-wedding stuff done, plus I've had more one-on-one stuff go down. It's not that I don't like shows...I love them. I've got 2 (possibly 3) this weekend alone that I will be at for sure (or you can eat one of my ribs). But the things I've done have just been more fulfilling. For example...this weekend...

Thursday, spur of the moment, I met up with Sharon at McIntyre's. We squawked and drank and hung with Todd for several hours. I love spending time with Sharon as she's a funny gal. When my ex and I split, I thought he'd get custody of her but screw that. I'm a better friend. I wasn't going to let that friendship perish. Came home, folded a gazillion loads of laundry. Was satisfied with my Thursday.

Friday, I was supposed to be Carol's date to Bob Log III. I do LOVE Bob Log! But money is tight! And the money I did have was for wedding shoes, plain-n-simple. I didn't like bailing on Carol but I did what I had to do. When she opens for him next time around...I'll be there freaking the Hell out, I promise. Instead, Sarah and I went to Phoebe's for a girlie night. I've never hung out with Sarah on my own and that chick is A RIOT! We had girl talk and drank beer...there were also hot dog flavored potato chips! And mac-n-cheese! And brownies! And once we left there, I ended up staying up WAY past my bed time (3:30am!!!) talking to Sarah and her husband, Jimmy. We were a bunch of chatterboxes, I'll tell you what.

Saturday...ick. Saturday was semi-icky. Sharon and I went and hung with my parents for about an hour and then headed off to have lunch. Lunch was YUM and I scored a strapless bra and seemless drawers...but I felt a little off. I blamed it on getting so little sleep. But as we walked to the mall, I felt nauseated. And while we were hunting for shoes...it hit me like a fish to the face. I'm not sure was "it" was, but it was me sweaty and dizzy and nauseated. It was probably mall panic. Regardless, while trying to keep my lunch firmly planted, I found my shoes at the last store we went to. They're perfection. I ran in my front door and threw up for the rest of the night. Luckily, Todd and Aiden were out-n-about so I would toss my cookies, cry, and watch bad television without feeling even worse. I didn't get any painting done which was my plan for the day. Saturday was semi-sucko but successful.

Then yesterday...I grocery shopped and went to The Mission for pasties and a garter belt (Finger Lickin' Strip Tease...this Saturday at Motor Mayhem @ The Sac) and found a hairpiece for the wedding. Hot pink and black and PERFECT. I cruised home but got semi-aggitated when I arrived. Blech. Whatever. I'll blame it on Saturday residue. Karen and I practiced a little for the show, I made dinner, and then I got down and dirty with the paint brushes. 2 LARGE paintings I had half done are now COMPLETE! I'll have a few new works up on Cannibalicious! later today. After a nice shower and some cartoons...I was out.

And here we are.

So while I may not have been doing the things I THOUGHT I'd be doing during this jam-packed month, I've done plenty of good stuff. And I need to keep up the momentum as far as painting goes. I've been on a roll but I need to seriously buckle down every free day that I have. I have 1/3 of what I want to accomplish done. I should really be at the 2/3 mark by now. That's why I'll probably be quite hidden during June, aside from our weekend away for the race which can't come soon enough! I need an escape! BIG TIME! I need to run amuck and act a fool and I need Todd by my side through all of it.

Enjoy your Monday.

Gyrate til you've had your fill.

Song Of The Day: "Legal Tender" by B-52s

I love how Phoebe calls Ryan her "not-husband". I'll be honest, I wish they'd get married...I've never been to a Phoebe wedding and that would be SOMETHING. Phoebe's the marrying kind, I think. I'm sure they'll be together for eternity and all but still. I thought about throwing my bouquet directly to her but I'm sure she'll find a stealthy way to avoid it's path. Karen already told me the bouquet has her name all over it anyway. Can't crush a young gal's dreams by rigging the event. Viva Phoebe-n-Ryan.

I love 3 day weekends, have I mentioned that? I don't love tattoo removal and the fact that I have an appointment for it tomorrow (only 2 more to go after this before the hitching goes down), but I DO love the 3 day weekends. Painting, painting and more painting. I've been on a roll lately and I don't mind patting myself on the back. Weasel loves when I paint and calls me Pretty Picaso. Picaso may not have painted porny princesses or girls eating their own stomachs, but didn't he cut his own ear off? We could've been pals. I plan to make the most of these 3 days. By Sunday night I hope to have a boatload of new shtuff to post on the "Cannibalicious!" blog. OOH! I also have to make a bathtub out of foamcore. I can dig it though. I feel good about it. I feel crafty. Feel free to come and visit me while I'm getting my craft on.

I have to get my craft on this weekend because NEXT weekend, I have to get my drink/rock on (Los Straitjackets & Southern Culture On The Skids on Friday), I have to get my Pussyfoot on (Motot Mayhem show Saturday w/ PFG, A-Train & The Steamers, Memphis Morticians, Graverobber, and those crazy Motor Psychos), and I might have to get my roadtrip on (Sacred Pistons annual picnic on Sunday???). And then recovery on Monday! It sounds HEAVENLY to me. I remember when my life used to be all GO! GO! GO! I could stand a little taste of that. And we'd get to see ROCKO! He sent me the lyrics to the song he's singing at our wedding and I got teary eyed at my desk. Oh Rocko!

Finger Lickin' Strip Tease. You heard it hear first.

I went and put my dancin' shoes on..yeah!

Song Of The Day: "Sayonara Sucker" by The Queers

One animal costume has been secured! Pure awesomeness is in the works. Don't you dare miss it. Don't...you...dare. I've got my solo songs picked up and practically planned...I think..., our "Splish Splash" routine is adorable if I do say so myself (Drinky Crow...Winky Bird...oh Karen!), and I have nothing but high, high, high hopes for this show. The HIGHEST, if you will! I'm pumped about the show (super sadly, Horror of 59 is out...A-Train & The Steamers will be there instead) and practice really lifted my spirits. Next stop...bubble machine! VA-VOOM!

Eventhough practice rocked and hanging with Karen was rad and I got some super amusing drunk text messages from Carol...my mood is still iffy. I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that people (that's just a general term...it applies to MANY, not just one inparticular) are going to do/say what they want, when they want, no matter who they treat like garbage along the way. I need to just continue to do the things that make me a happy clam (PFG, paint, go to shows, watch junkie television, blog, whatever) and remove myself from situations where people are going to be creeps. I can't make people treat me the way I deserve to be treated or give me the repect I know I've earned...they either will or they won't. But I do believe in karma...everyone gets their due. So...it's time to get busy livin'.

I had a weird dream about the wedding last night. Bananas.

Which reminds me...130 days until it's umbrella drink/bikini time!

Season finale of America's Next Top Model tonight. I've got all crossable things crossed for Allison but I think she's doomed because she can't walk. Neither can I. I have no balance. I'm a clumsy, klutsy, uncoordinated mess. She's just SO weird looking. Almost creepy. Like a Living Dead doll. And she's all shy and embarrasing. Love her. And I'll be alright if Aminat wins, too. This may sound weird but she reminds me of a taller, African American version of Jen May. They look nothing alike...duh...but something about how she laughs and how she talks. Maybe I'm just bananas. Regardless...if Tyonna wins, I'm boycotting the show and boycotting that show will make me surly. So everyone better cheer for Allison. Just blurt it out...no matter where you are at the time.

GO ALLISON!

Now the hard part's over, so they say.

***EDIT: I FOUND TONS OF ANIMAL COSTUMES! YESSSSS! YOU WILL SEE WHAT I MEAN BELOW. YES! YES! YES! LIFE IS GOOD!***

Song Of The Day: "No Sugar Mama" by Von Bondies

I am currently finalizing the routine to "Splish Splash" in my head. Karen is coming over tonight to learn it and revamp our routine to "Sisters". We don't have the feather fans required (since we beat the sweet bejesus out of each other with them last time) so we'll improvize. Should be a good ol' fashioned ridiculous Pussyfoot evening.

However, I still don't have a second solo song!!! Time is a'tickin'! And I CERTAINLY don't have an animal costume! You know, one of those awesome get-ups that mascots and Sea World employees wear? Oh man...do I have a sweet plan if I can get my hands on one of those! But how DO I get my hands on one of those? Any clues? I want one with a giant sturdy head. Oh man...it would be so rad. I shouldn't get my hopes up.

I'm really looking forward to practice because today has been pretty up-n-down-n-back-n-forth. Work has been insanely busy for me, the wedding/shower planning has me at my wits end...I don't know. One minute I feel awesome and the next minute I feel like I could karate chop the world in the throat and/or vagina. I love Pussyfooting and I miss doing it so practice should put me in the right frame of mind...if "Splish Splash" ends up working the way I want it to. Which it will because it has to or I'll go ape shit. Simple as that.

On the list of things to purchase:
-foamcore to make giant bathtub
-bubble machine
-2 to 4 feather fans
-robes
-giant animal costume
-pasties
-2 rolling clothing racks
-black fabric
-lots o' safety pins
-nude colored bra
-more PF girls
-a personal assistant

I'm sorry...I have to go search for a giant animal costume. It's really all I can focus on at this point in time. I am DETERMINED to make this work some how. DETERMINED. I am more determined to find a giant animal costume than I am to find wedding shoes at this point. I think if I could accomplish this goal, it would turn my whole outlook around. My weird, up-n-down, "whatever" kind of attitude. This attitude could be fucked right into submission...if only I had a giant animal costume.

The hunt is ON.

You hide your looks behind these scars.

Song Of The Day: "Freeman" by The Gears.

Just call it "Return Of The Living Dead".

I'm getting over a rank stomach flu which has emptied me out (I could get more graphic so be glad that's as far as I went) and left me sore, achey and cranky. I was so dizzy and weak that when I finally WAS up and about, I was short of breath. Totally sucko. Missed out on Mother's Day festivities but I'm fairly certain that my mom did not want me to give her the flu...which was about all I could afford to give. I told Todd awhile ago that I wish my body would just give up already. I didn't mean that though. I think "Steel Magnolias" poisoned my mind during my illness.

I did manage to see the Bouncing Souls inbetween tossing my cookies and chomping on Pepto. It was a great show despite them ignoring some of their total jams (Eastside Mags? Lowlife?). I felt 19 again. I even bought myself a shirt! They covered "Hybrid Moments" which was pretty rad...and I had a cute dude (whom I'm marrying 130 days from tomorrow) who let me lean on him and sit on his lap since I was a weak sick-o. Cute dude gave me a card yesterday that basically said, "You're gold and the best thing that's ever happened to me". It also said something about me being a stupid yet classy woman...but that came from the greeting card company. They couldn't be more right!

I also got a "Happy Future Mother's Day" card from Sharon. Cute!

What else? All I can think about are stomach cramps and sleeping for lengthy periods of time. Tootsie Pop and I had a meeting about the upcoming Motor Mayhem show. We made our set list and I've got to say...I'm pretty psyched! It's mostly new songs with a few tried-n-true or barely used numbers thrown in. Carol is returning for a special appearance as Queen La Tata and acting as our emcee (word around the litterbox is that Grimm may be taking that position full time). We're doing a lot of costume changes and rockin' new props. I'm pumped. I can't wait for the comeback. I need to work on my solos...I think "Loretta Is a Sweater Girl Now" might be one of them...not sure about the second. Any suggestions? I'm looking for flirty and fun, nothing tramptastic. Be sure to be there...Saturday May 23rd at The Sac. I expect nothing but f-f-f-f-f-un. Horror of 59! Memphis Morticians! Graverobber! PUSSYFOOT GIRLS!!!

I also painted a bunch yesterday with little or no casualties. Really buckled down and finished MANY half done paintings. Now I can focus on new stuff. I have a painting I love where I did 2 anthropological skulls over the lyrics to "Press Gang"...I want to do more paintings on top of song lyrics. I just have to pick the right ones. And once I'm done with the song lyrics, I'm going to start a few monster portraits that will be sold framed...and I have more of the original "Cannibalicious!" works to do...and slutty Princesses. Damn...so much to do. So little time and money! Good news is, I think I'm 1/3 done with what I want to accomplish. I can pretty much guarantee that no one besides Todd-n-Aiden are going to see me during the month of June. Unless you come over and watch me paint! Company is always nice.

"Daisie Of Love"... so addicted. So gross.

I I say it again, can I kill it?

I'M SICK! OUT OF NOWHERE!

I was fine when I woke up. F-I-N-E. Fine all morning. Fine at lunch. Then right AFTER lunch...POW! Horrrrrrrrrrifying tummy ache. And once the horrrrrrrrrrrifying tummy ache died down (and not to get graphic, but this was NOT the kind of tummy ache I wanted to have at work...dying inside), the nausea set in. If there is one thing I DETEST and can bring me to TEARS, it's being nauseated. Oh GOD. So finally, after just sitting around, praying not to toss my cookies...I tossed my cookies. And I've felt horrific ever since. One minute I'm sweating, the next I have chills. I'm all flushed. I'm super thirsty. The works.

Todd thought maybe it was stress but I think there is WAY too much going on here to just be stress. I thought my mom was hinting that my egoo was preggo (there is NO bun in this oven...I've convinced my uterus to be hostile to all developing life forms until AFTER the honeymoon), but she was really thinking food poisoning. All I know is that it better not be that gut-wrenching stomach virus that I had in January last year that put me in the hospital 3 times. Because that made me cry A LOT. And Johnny had to take me to the ER. And I had to go on that stupid b.r.a.t. diet which, eventhough it made me lose weight, made me lose my mind.

If it's Swine Flu, Cinco de Mayo will feel my wrath.

Honey, I ain't fakin'.

Song Of The Day: "Doublewide" by Southern Culture On The Skids.

The song of the day reminds me that I have to get our tickets for Los Straitjackets and Southern Culture On The Skids! It also reminds me that I need to kick my own ass for not going to Mad Sin. But my ass doesn't feel so bad since I'll for sure be going to Bouncing Souls this week...tickets were secured weeks ago. Man...the song of the day sure set off quite a chain reaction! No doubt!

PFG are b-b-b-b-b-back and it feels damn good! Like a back rub or a nap on a warm day. But back to the bad-assness...Tootsie Pop and I hosted the Monsters of Burlesque this past Saturday when their tour rolled in to Cleveland. It felt so good to be back on the stage and back at The Sac. Neil O'Fortune thanked us for helping them out and said, "This is YOUR house". It is! The Sac is OUR HOUSE and we love it. Even once the show was over, Tootsie and I drank and danced and just had a flat out classic PFG time. We met a gal intertested in shooting new pics of us, a guy who wants us involved in events he puts on, and 2 gals looking to be in the PFG! We need new blood...STAT! And to you...you know who...if the situation weren't what it was, all mixed up and bananas, you'd be a PFG. For sure.

OH! Word! Carol gave us the goooooood news that she will be returning as Queen La Tata for Motor Mayhem, Saturday May 23rd at OUR HOUSE! THE SAC! Car show begins at 12:00 noon, performers start rockin' at 7:00! $7 gets you the car show, the bands (Horror of 59, Memphis Morticians, Grave Robber), the Pussyfoot Girls (doing 1 longer set...not sure where in the line-up, just know we're not first), BBQ and whatever the Hell else the Motor Psychos can throw at you! There will be custom trophies, pinstripers, and day-n-night fun, fun, fun. All brought to you by the coolest car club in Cleveland, The Motor Psychos. Be there. Love it.

Outside of PFGenius, the weekend was solid. I'm not going to give you the play-by-play. I'm not feeling that route. And I also don't feel like talking about the dog walk I had to participate in at 8:00am on a Saturday morning. Sheeesh. Maybe I'll post pictures and let them tell the story. But I doubt it. Whenever I say I'm going to post pictures, I never do. I lie directly to your eyeballs. There was certainly plenty of alcohol intake so I'm feeling rather sluggish today...plus I've had zero downtime as of late. I'm running on go. But there's so much to look forward to...all the rad shows I'm going to this month, the PFG comeback show, Dragway 42 (which I've started to get super pumped about), the art show opening night party, the wedding shower, the wedding, the honeymoon.

I shouldn't complain about being sluggish when life is pretty damn sweet. I was all kinds of ICK on Thursday because life complications caught up with me, I guess. But my fiancee cheered me up by sending me pictures of all the things I love...him, my cat, Smorkin' Labbits, magazines, Family Guy re-runs, all the cheese in our fridge, The PFG, my stuffed moustache that has a moustache, the Chinese menu...it was a really cute thing to do. And it did turn my mood around. I came home from an extremely long and stressful day that I totally forgot about thanks to Chinese food and a Weasel.

And that's that, Jack.

Got a card in my spokes & practicin' my jokes.

Song Of The Day: "Test Tube Teens" by Teen Idols

Um, the song of the day...it's a new thang I'm gonna try out...has nothing to do with the song lyrics I use in the title. It's just a song I feel everyone should be listening to. Call it Project Brainwash, if you will.

I'm 30 years old and I had ice-cream for dinner last night. This is either awesome or horrifying, depending on how you slice it. Awesome because...I had ICE-CREAM for DINNER. Not a lot. A few baby scoops. Horrifying because I am trying to lose 10 pounds before I get hitched (in addition to anything I've lost since last month). Losing 10 pounds and eating ice-cream...with sprinkles!...for dinner do not go hand-in-hand. If only Todd would fix my tires so I could ride my bike.

And start my bike gang!!!

I've been talking about starting a bike gang for like 2 years. A bicycle gang! So far, I have 3 members...Carol High Hair, Toosie Pop, and Weasel. My bike gang is called "The Pedal Pushers" and our slogan is TOO TUFF FOR GEARS! The only thing you need to be in the bike gang is a bike...with NO gears. Rather, a bike where you can't adjust the gears! I guess if you have a super rad bike...mountain bikes can fuck off...with the ability to change gears but you REFUSE to change them...and you put electrical tape all over the gear shift and yell "Fuck you, GEARS!"...I guess you can ride with us. Even though we haven't gone on a first ride yet. But we will. And it'll be raaaaaaaad. BMX can eat dirt. Rad bikes and bike gangs are where it's at. This isn't MTV's "Made". My bicycle has a basket just the right size for a 12-pack. Now THAT is livin'.

My bicycle is an Electra Betty and it looks like this (pictured without the awesome streamers...clearly whoevers bike this isn't cool enough for streamers):

If you have an awesome bike, hate gears, and want to drink and ride bikes a la bike gang style...you know where to reach me. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have t-shirts made and I'm fairly certain I will ride at least once in full make-up and high heels while smoking. And I'd pretty much put money down that old people will call us hooligans and we will shake our fists at them and demand homemade PIE! Actually, that last part is a lie. Yep. Life can't get much more awesome if you ask me.

Now that I'm don't ranting about Betty and my gang...

I have Depeche Mode stuck in my head. Bizarro.

Also, I'm trying to bring the phrase "Spazzma Attack" into regular rotation. Like this morning, I was all going bananas about something and I said, "I'm totally having a Spazzma Attack!". I just need to say it a few more times and it will catch on. Just like "bananas" did. And "clearly". And "have you met me before?". Those were all winners in my brainwashing plan.

P.S. Stephanie, thanks for becoming a "follower". You're looking too hot your own good (not that you weren't full on hot before). But smokin' hot lawyers who like monsters movies? That's like a young boy's fantasy. Right up there with a slutty librarian who is into Kung-Fu! Anyway...you look rad and if I wasn't such a pussy, I'd totally want to run with you. But I don't run. Mainly because I don't move my arms when I run so I look ridiculous. That's why I don't have a running gang. No need to move your arms on a bike.

GOOD NIGHT NURSE!

***TEMPORARY***

I am going to update the "CANNIBALICIOUS!" blog some time this week, if any one out there gives a flying f-f-f-f-f-fuck about my gorey, goofy grade-schooly artwork and impending art show. I promise. And after this initial update, I will keep to a regular updating schedule. And you can take that to the bank!

"CANNIBALICIOUS!", August 7th - 31st @ Low Life Gallery.

We met in the springtime at a rock-n-roll show.

I am in one of the classic, smile-enducing, be-boppin' good moods. After an A+, gold star kind of weekend, I woke up on the right side of the bed feeling refreshed and with zero jaw pain! Plus the tongue I've been apparently gnawing on in my sleep is finally starting to repair. No more mashed 'taters for this gal! I want to CHEW! And you can chew on this...

The Weekend Run Down (subtitle: Why I'm In Such a Fucking Good Mood For Change...and It's About Damn Time, Y'All), as written by Yours Truly.

Thursday I was semi-moody for reasons that don't even matter. So after work, I went and had a drink with the one and only Miss Firecracker at Lava. I'm still on the fence about that place but I am NOT on the fence about Carol. We shot the breeze for a bit and then I high-tailed it to see The Mays. Checked out metallic inks for the weddin' invites AND her idea for the reception cards. Rad. Plain-n-Simple. I might love the reception cards more than I love the invites. And I love those A LOT. Anyway...I drove home stoked. Watched some tube. Crashed out.

Got up early because I was too excited about the sounds and smells of getting tattoooooed. I finally got my ditch done. Saying "ditch" just sounds filthy dirty. And it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be! I'd been putting it off for quite awhile because...well...I guess I got soft for a minute. Now it's done and I am in lurve with it. Filled in a few other forearm slots and THEN...my crowning gem...had Krista put an Easter bow on my now PINK Danzig skull. So silly. So girlie. And things went so well that Todd made a Saturday appointment with her. New tattoos for EVERYONE! Hooray! Went to Applebee's with the Graveyard Groom, watched the Cavs game and hit the deck. Not too shabby.

Woke up bright and early to meet the caterer at the reception spot...and hit some snags. Joint wasn't open, caterer showed late and we were already making tracks. Went BACK to see Krista so Todd could get tattooed. It's contagious. It was a looooooong day for me, though, just sittin' there and watching. Until I discovered that Maxim is NOT a terrible magazine. Then time flew! But I was a sleepy camper. So was Todd. We stopped in the grocery store, made some dinner, and went to Quiet Bob's to see Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band. After many beers and a Mango Tango, 2 giggling and goofy fools went home...and...well...and then passed out!

Usually I'm not a fan of Sundays but this one was aces in my book. We lounged around, went back to the grocery store, watched the Cavs game, ate the best cheese fries I've EVER made, drank beer, and just spent time together...talked about the wedding and honeymoon and upcoming things we want to do and America's Next Top Modle and...whatever. I think that's the theme of the whole weekend. It was rad because we just spent time together doing whatever we wanted and whatever needed to get done. We didn't bicker or have attitudes and we didn't get bored. We just enjoyed the weekend for what it was and went with the flow. And it was one of the best weekends we've had in awhile. Todd admitted it felt a little off since it was the first weekend where we didn't have Aiden. But we'll get used to alternating. I like kickin' it with the kid but I really enjoed actually having a weekend to just do whatever. I think the new set-up will be good for everyone.

So now here I am, in this great mood, with this great weather. Sure, it would be nicer to be at the zoo or something...maybe cruising on my bike...instead of being stuck inside but someone's gotta make the money, right? The bills aren't going to pay themselves. I hope my good mood can be contagious...I know a few people out there who need their spirits lifted. They need their hopes high-fived. I also hope my good mood can get me painting. So many good ideas and SO MUCH WORK TO DO before August 7th...but I just can't get myself to sit at my station and get to it. Maybe today...seems like a good day to just put the hammer down and get serious.

Enjoy your day, y'all!

I want to be wrooooooooong.

Yep. 2 for the price of 1. I'm bored.

If you need a good song to listen to...I don't know why I keep dispensing musical advice but it's the fist thing I want to do when I see the blank page...listen to "Combat Baby" by The Metric. I think some of the words ("caffeine free, faux-punk fatigues") are really, super lame. But then SOME of them ("I want to be wrong...but...no one here wants to fight me like you do") are just flat out awesome. I like anything that's flat out awesome. I rewind the song so I can listen to that part more than once.

I also do that with "I Don't Like You" by The Muffs. It's hard to get people to like this one because it's fast and screamy and you can't understand what Kim says. But it's an amazing song and if I were in a garage band, I would cover it. It has my FAVORITE part of any song on the planet. Now THIS...THIS I replay over and over and over. The way she sings it...the way it comes out of her mouth...and if you know me, you know I'm not a huge fan of chick singers...it's amazing. Last verse. Listen to it. NOW!

"Mr. 3-Martini-Lunch, about to make a deal. He's got his briefcase, suitcase all packed for Rome. He's gotta wife in limbo, kids in Chicago, and no time left for home".

Love it. Fucking love it.

I was kind of in a riled up and surly mood when I started writing this but thinking about those 2 songs has made me happier. Or maybe it just distracted me. I really hate Facebook, but I've been using their "Pick Your 5 blah blah blah" things as distractions. It really makes you think. Who ARE the 5 people I would most like to punch in the face? What ARE my top 5 favorite movies? And my top 5 beers of choice?? Ok...I guess I really didn't have to think about that one. Regardless...they keep my brain hummin' and not actually processing anything remotely annoying or mood-killing. End rant transmission.

Tomorrow...me, Krista, and a test of my tolerance. How long CAN I sit and have my skin drilled. It's been a long time. Not that my tolerance goes down or anything. I'm just really excited. I'm so pale that every color really pops on this skin. Speaking of this skin...my chest is bruised from my 4th removal session. Let me offer up this tid-bit since I'm going to a fancy-pants dermetologist in Beachwood and paying to be tortured. If your removal causes a blister, it's bad news. Just keep that in mind. I didn't know that did bit when I went years ago to start the process and now I have major scarring and pigment lost. You think my skin can't get whiter? IT CAN! Who knew??

And just because I'm getting rid of the Nephilim doesn't mean I don't like AFI. "Paper Airplanes (Makeshift Wings)" is still one of my go to songs to get pumped up. I'm getting rid of it because...well...just because you're a tattoo artist doesn't mean you're any good.

Remember when we were all going to get hot dog tattoos??

I miss you, Lisa.

Soon that silly kitty is a-scratchin' at my door.

These blogs right here have been copied directly from the My Space page of The (Unsinkable) Pussyfoot Girls. We just celebrated our 4 Year Anniversary this month. After a several months long hiatus, we're gearing up to get back in action this May. New shows, new girls, new emcee. Lots of NEWS, if you will. So take a gander below and fill up on Update From The Scratching Post. You never know, something could catch yer eye!

BLOG #1: UPCOMING SHOW!

Patti Cake and Tootsie Pop of Cleveland's own PUSSYFOOT GIRLS with be hosting The Monsters of Burlesque show when their Ohio tour rolls in to Cleveland!

Marking their first appearance after a short paw-rest, The Pussyfoot Girls will be introducing the fine folks of Monsters of Burlesque and leading audience participation games and antics in between their sets.

So come on out and have yourself a ball with your Unsinkable Pussyfoot Girls...Patti Cake & Toosie Pop (don't worry...beautiful Bobbi Socks will be back for the Motor Psychos Car Show at the end of May)...and The Monsters of Burlesque!!!!

NEXT SATURDAY MAY 2nd @ THE SACHSENHEIM HALL
$8 SHOW STARTS AT 9:00

All-star burlesque direct from New York City!Clams Casino and Neil O'Fortune present: Monsters of Burlesque Tour 2009! We're bringing some of New York's biggest, most award-winning burlesque stars to fabulous venues throughout the Buckeye state! Hilarious, raucous and sexy, a New York-style burlesque show is like nothing you've seen before, combining classic bump 'n' grind with rock power, pop culture comedy and a whole lot of glitter and glam--a night out that you do NOT want to miss! At every stop on this titanic tour, the stars of the show will be sharing the stage with local DJs and bands, making up-close-and-personal appearances, and blowing the roof off of some of Ohio's favorite stages! Clams and Neil are bringing along Creamy Stevens, Jonny Porkpie and Nasty Canasta: combined, these burlesque stars will blow your mind! Don't miss out when they come to your town for ONE night only!

Monsters of Burlesque 2009 Ohio Tour Dates:

Wednesday, April 29th: Dayton! Gilly's, 132 S. Jefferson Street, show at 8:00, just 10 bucks!

Thursday, April 30th: Columbus! Circus, 1227 North High Street, show at 10:00, just 8 bucks! With a special appearance by the Royal Renegades!

Friday, May 1st: Oberlin College! The 'Sco, basement of Wilder Student Union, 135 West Lorain Street, show at 10:30, just 8 bucks!

Saturday, May 2nd: Cleveland! Sachsenheim Hall, 7001 Denison Avenue, show at 9:00, just 8 bucks! With a special appearance by the Pussyfoot Girls!

BLOG #2: NEW GIRLS!

Hey kittens!

It's that time again! The 3 Unsinkable Pussyfoot Girls are on the hunt for some hip-shakin', joke makin', ball bustin' ladies to fill out our outfit in all the right spots! Over the past 2 years, we've said good-bye to Ginger Ale (now a MOM), Suzie Six-Pack (soon to be a MOM), and Queen La Tata (the MOTHER of all one-woman bands)! It's time to bring some new blood to The Pussyfoot Girls. And that new blood might be YOURS! Don't be scared.

A little information for any interested chicks out there: The PFG formed in early 2005 and are a group of go-go dancing gals who put on a PG-13 show (no nudity here but the dance wear is bare). We're a little sexy, a little saucy, a little comical, a little goofy. This isn't your high school talent show but we're by no means professional dancers. We're out there to entertain and get some laughs!!! So any interested parties must be comfy with being scantilly clad and pretty silly!

We practice on the west side of Cleveland every week (we usually take off the week after a big show to rest our paws). There is a possibility for carpooling if you're coming from the south. We're try to schedule at least 1 show a month (our summer is JAM-PACKED so this could mean more) and they are usually on Fridays and Saturdays. Interested girls should be able to arrange their schedules for shows...and we've had some good ones!

Most importantly...we're not looking for girls to just learn what we teach them. We're looking for girls who add something to the group! Make a good thing better, if you will. We all take part is picking songs, choreographing dances, booking and promoting shows, buying and selling merch, handling money and so on. So you think this might be the group for you??? Fun and flirty and so much more???

You can get more information about us, our past shows, past venues, and more on our My Space page! May need a little updating...we've been on a short break!Anyone that is interested in becoming a Pussyfoot Girl must copy the following questionaire into a message (My Space of pussyfootgirls@yahoo.com), fill it out, and send it to us!

We're not being snobs or thinking highly of ourselves. We're just a very tight knit group and are looking for girls we have things in common with who fill fit right in! Just like Bobbi Socks!!! She became a Pussyfoot Girl after our last search! After we review your answers, we will contact you to come to a practice. We will teach you one of our typical routines and see if you feel comfortable with our style and we'll take it from there! The questions may seem silly but they'll help us get a good look into your personality. Just have fun with it!

1. How old are you?

2. Did you dress up for Halloween? If so, what/who were you?

3. Will you be available for practices, shows, travel?

4. Are you comfortable with drinking as most of our shows are at bars, clubs and parties and all of us enjoy a good beverage?

5. Do you have any special talents (rope twirling, juggling, knife throwing, ballet, whatever!)?

6. What type of music do you listen to most and what are a few of your favorite songs?

7. Are you comfortable being scantilly clad (but not totally NUDE)?

8. Have you ever performed in public (in a band, drama club, performance art, etc.)?

9. Have you ever seen us before (and if so, how much do we rule? Ha ha ha...)?

10. Boobies. Please respond.

BLOG #3: NEW EMCEE!

Since the departure of our mouthpiece, Queen La Tata, The Pussyfoot Girls have lost their voice! And it's about time to start talkin'!!! We've got shows to do. And we need a little somethin' extra! Which leads us to...

The Pussyfoot Girls SEARCH FOR AN EMCEE!

We're looking to add an extra someone to The Pussyfoot Girls to act as our official emcee! Someone with personality to get the crowd riled-up and ready! Someone to introduce us gals at the beginning of each show...or each set if there is more than one. Someone to prep that audience from who is up next or who else is performing at the show or whatever antics may follow! Someone to lead audience participation games-n- contests and to give away prizes or run raffles! Someone with a Pussyfoot personality who isn't afraid to interact, chat, and keep the entertainment flowin'!!!!

Are you this person???

We're looking for a guy or gal of any age to become our Pussyfoot emcee. This person will need to be at all of our shows as you basically ARE a Pussyfoot Girl (or a Cock-a-Doodle Dude, if you catch my drift) but not necessarily at our practices. And while we encourage all the goofy, silly, snarky, smutty behavior we can get on STAGE...we need someone who will be "professional". We don't need an emcee who will get too drunk to do their job or forget our names or fall flat on their faces. Though we've all been there...ha ha!

So if you're interested in being the voice of the PFG...please contact us and let us know why you think you're right for the job. And I use the term "job" loosely! You'll get in free to all of our shows and get any perks we get. If we get paid, YOU get paid. But if we don't...well...you were part of a fun show and had a great time. Which should be reward enough...at least we think so!

So create a persona/character...be someone else for a night! Be part of the PFG!

Looking forward to hearing from ya!

LOVE,
PATTI CAKE
PUSSYFOOT GIRL SINCE 2005

Get to the top and I'm too tired to rock.

That's a lie. I'm never too tired to ROCK! Come on.

Although at this minute, I am exhausted. I didn't get such a good night's sleep with all this teeh grinding/jaw tension business. I'm so full of potential remedies right now that my liver will no doubt escape and slap me in the face with itself. I guess any of my organs could get the point across. Liver is just my go to. Point...my mouth and jaw still hurt...and I still don't want to hear any crude jokes about it. If I did, I could get them at home from that pervert I live with.

News (but not Huey Lewis and the...)

1. I'm getting tattooed on Friday. It's been almost a year since I got the heart in a coffin. I can't wait. Basically I was told that for one amazing price, I could get tattooed for as long as I can sit. With an ass like this...she's gonna wanna take that back! Pictures to follow.

2. The Pussyfoot Girls are on the hunt for a permanent emcee and some new ladies. We'll most likely be looking for 2 new gals. I just need to get around to reposting the application. And then I need to get potential emcees lured in. AND I need to start promoting both The Monsters of Burlesque show (Tootsie Pop and I will be hosting and doing some audience participation jazz in between this New York burlesque troupes acts) and the Motor Psychos car show that we will be performing at. Not to mention we need new routines, to practice, to plan costumes...yikes.

3. Tomorrow is 150 days until the wedding. I'm sure I'm the only person who cares about this. Oh...I bet Todd does, too. And Phoebe.

4. We're talking about getting another dog. A puppy. We think Shelby needs a buddy...mostly so she'll leave us alone for more than 10 seconds at a time. She'll be 1 next month. I need to get her a doggie cake. As I've said before, I am ALL about birthdays. Why shouldn't my daughter dog have a birthday? It's on the same day as the Spanky Cup Euchre Tournament...which reminds me...I need to learn how to play! I have too much going on.

5. It's going to be a beautiful weekend! I am going to open ALL of the windows and enjoy it. I have my tattoo appointment and a dinner date Friday. Saturday we're going to the reception spot to do some planning during the day and hitting Quiet Bob's at night to see Miss Firecracker One Woman Band. Sunday...paint, paint, paint! I have 12 half finished paintings and buy this weekend, they are going to be FINISHED! PERIOD! I've got new ideas I need to get out of my brain and on to the canvas.

And THAT is THAT! VIVA!

I remain in shadows growing wings.

With the exception of purchasing wedding bling (!!!) this weekend, it was a rather uneventful few days. Low key. Nothing fancy. Ran some errands. Ate some food. Did laundry. Regular, typical, boring life stuff. And now it's Monday and I'm in a regular, typical, boring Monday mood. I feel like Garfield. All sarcastic and sleepy.

I think I've been grinding my teeth at night due to stress. My jaw is stiff and my mouth is sore (no need for perverted jokes, people). It's giving me a rather rocking headache. Todd apologized and said it's his fault for not "easing" me at home. But it's not him at all. By now, I know how to deal with him and him quirks. I've never had super great stress management skills so I'm not at all surprised that my wreck of a body is starting to pay the price. I need to do yoga. Or punch someone. One of those should do it.

I can officially say the wedding is less that 4 months away.

I went to Sugar and Pete's house to film a few more skits/segments for the Jesus County Fair video that Dennis has been working on for...months. Up until then, I was only in one skit at a pregnant, trailer park bride. I was psyched to get the chance to participate again. This time I was Miss Tickles, the drunken co-host of "Great Moments In Hillbilly History", and a murdered, hick tourist. Now that I think of it...I was a white trash, unwed, teenage mother in the first video Dennis put out! I guess on my resume I can describe myself as a "hillbilly, white trash, trailer park character actress". Why not?

Anyway, we didn't finish the filming so I get to go pack for more...more cheap champage, bright blue eyeshadow, crazy costumes, bizarre dialouge, belching on command and Grimm...in his underwear on top of a grand piano. When I re-read this in 30 years...man...what memories I'll have! I can't wait until "Jesus County Fair" is out on DVD...or cable access...or wherever it's going. Maybe I'll have a screening party or something. Everyone involved...hilarious people. Drop dead hilarious.

Anything else? Probably not. I can't stress enough how ready I am for honeymoonin'. Umbrella drinks, bikinis, chowin' down, chilling out, swimming with sharks...everything. Todd and I decided yesterday that maybe we'll chill out in Ft. Lauderdale for a day or 2 once we get off the boat instead of just high-tailin' it home. Tessa had good things to say about her time in the Everglades...that really appealed to Todd. If I get to swim with sharks in Jamaica, he should get to see crocs in the Everglades. I better start doing some research!

I just got a message from the beautiful Jen May saying that we will have invitations to look at early this week. ROCK! That elevated my stupid Monday moon ever-so-slightly. I'll take whatever upward motion I can get!

I guess now I see how it's gonna be.

I should be in a totally spectacular and awesome, unstoppably rockin' mood for the following reasons:

1. I had Japanese for dinner. Yum.
2. I have Japanese leftovers (& chopsticks) for lunch.
3. A cute boy was snuggled on me this morning.
4. The bills are paid.
5. The honeymoon is booked.
6. Wedding plans are trucking along.
7. Someone is in love with me.
8. I'm losing weight.
9. My skin really looks and feels great.
10. I have Presidente in my fridge.
11. My weekend starts at 5:30pm today.
12. Allison was not kicked off America's Next Top Model.
13. There is a night race on Saturday.
14. My friends are awesome.
15. Pussyfoot Girls starts shows again next month.
16. I should make progress on paintings this weekend.
17. The race is 8 weeks away.
18. We're (maybe) getting a puppy.
19. Todd got me a subscription to US magazine.
20. We're getting wedding bands tomorrow.
21. A year-long weirdness has recently been resolved.

BUT I'M NOT IN A GOOD MOOD!

Those are all the reasons I SHOULD be super psyched and pumped. But I must've woken up on the wrong side of the bed because I am the crabbiest of crabs today. Grrrrr. I went to bed too full. My tummy was too jam-packed with Japanese goodness. So maybe that was part of why I didn't sleep well. And because I was so full...I didn't snuggle. So that didn't help my 'tude today. I'm a snuggle-bug. And someone out there who thinks they can just be a raging, psychotic, bleach blonde BIOTCH (aliteration RULES) attempting (and failing) to wreck lives and be a thug one second and then try to get buddy-buddy and act like she hasn't been a NUTBAG recently...that really ran on...annoyed me right before bedtime. PINCH! PINCH! go my crabby claws.

I'll get over it. There's no reason for me to be in a bad moon. No good reason anyway. I have 21 reasons why I should be slap happy and jumping up-n-down. I better get to it. I really don't want to waste any more time being easily annoyed and riled up today. A nap would probably do the trick. Or some caffeine. Or some Todd time. Or Phoebe time.

How are ya? How have you been?

If you need a morning pump-up...try "Cosmic Thing" by The B-52s. Seriously.

So the issue that was making me all bananas and WTF-ish has been resolved. I feel more at ease. I'm glad that I took time to think things through and plan what I wanted to say to who I said it to and didn't jump the gun, armed with emotions. It didn't hurt that I did all of this thinking over a Dave-n-Buster's Mango Berry...best drink EVER. Todd took me there to turn my frown upside-down. So...I said what I needed to say and...problem solved. I'm a happy bride again. I'm not sure if I even mentioned that my hostility was wedding-related (but not GROOM related). Anyway...all is good.

I'm pretty sure my body is trying to show me who is boss. I am COVERED in unexplained bruises (and some explained ones...from both spanking and clumsiness) and cuts, I dropped 6 gallons of bleach on my finger and mangled it, I got a clotty (gross) bloody nose that looked a lot like Julia from Hellraiser 2, and now I have heartburn! Maybe my body is mad at me for trying to take better care of it. I'm still losing weight, I'm eating better and thinking about my eating (I'm thinking about how I'm having Japanese for dinner RIGHT NOW), I've really been rocking the skin care regimen ( I was told this morning how soft my skin feels)...yep. My body is retaliating! It wants to take me down! Stupid body.

Who has 3 cases of Presidente? THIS GUY!

Be jealous. It's good for you.

I need to go do some weddin' bloggin' now. Ciao!

I know I won't be leaving here with you.

I'm so utterly miffed about something I heard yesterday but I can't talk about it since I haven't decided if I will confront said big mouth (it's not you, you know who...we're cool). Sure, I'm a sensitive son-of-a-gun at times...but this situation...it just royally sucks. I really would love to spill the whole story and get some feed back but I just can't yet. I'll just say that...people still have the ability to shock the Hell out of me in a really horrific way. Recently, some people have shocked me in a NOT-so-horrific way...which is pretty cool...and rare.

I just can't believe some people can be so cruel and so selfish. I'm sure I'm guilty of being both of those things at times. But in THIS situation...it's just unacceptable. ESPECIALLY when it deals with family. It ruined my holiday, not that I'm big on Easter or anything. But that's not the point. It shouldn't have gone down the way it did. Actually...I guess nothing has even gone down yet. But it will. And I think the results won't be pretty. Man...I'm irritated. And I didn't sleep very well. And I really need to have Todd's back today so I shouldn't be worrying about this nonsense.

People are dummies.

You're so sweet. You're so pretty.

I listened to "You're So Lewd" on the way to work today. I forgot how much I love that song. And The Reatards in general. That song totally reminds me of mine and Johnny's days running amuck at The Mantis, even though they never played there. It makes me want to FSSU! So does " I Know You're Ready" by Le Shok. And speaking of Jay Reatard...

Todd told me the other day that he's been all over the interwebs trying to find my favorite Lost Sounds shirt. You know, the jersey with the rat on it that you've all seen me wear one million times? All my happiest days have been in that shirt. It's like when I wear it, I'm unstoppable. Nothing bad ever happens in that shirt. I'd like to be buried in it. Todd's been looking for a back-up for the day the shirt bites the dust. It already has a small hole in the armpit and a faint stain on the front. I'll be devastated when it becomes unwearable (it probably did when the stain set in) so I thought it was pretty awesome that he was trying to save me from that (trivial) pain.

Let me state once again (I sent an e-mail, who knows if you'll read it)...to you...that the previous post was NOT about you. And on that note...to ALL of you...let me rant for one more second about my disgust for certain people who shall remain nameless (but are not YOU, you know who). I want to vomit in my lap! When you think idiots can't get more idiotic, THEY DO! To an outstanding degree! And they take really good people (not me...not that I'm not awesome) down with them. For that alone...shame. It's just so frustrating. Bad things happen to good people and bad people get away with EVERYTHING. I know. I used to be a bad person. I can't stress about it anymore. It's not my battle to fight. But when it hurts people I care about...whatever. Hopefully it will all be sorted out soon and I can toast success with a Presidente.

Speaking of...

How hard is it to find Presidente anywhere near Ohio??? REALLY TERRIBLY DIFFICULT. I am not driving to NYC to get any, that's for sure. Why hasn't this country embraced such a delicious treat? If you haven't had the priviledge of slugging a 33 degree Presidente...you don't know what you're missing. But I know what I am missing...because it can't be found anywhere!! Grrrrrrr. The hunt continues.

Enjoy your holiday weekend, y'all. Back Monday.

Tell me I'm special even when I know I'm not.

People make me laugh. A lot. And they make me feel sad for the future of humanity. I'm not going to get into it because it will probably make me, and maybe you, throw up in my lap. Phoebe said, "Wow...that is fucking disgusting". I couldn't agree more. But I'm staying out of it. I'd rather just worry about me and my family and not what idiots certain people are and how they MUST turn their brains off when they do certain things and CLEARLY have no regard for the personal safety and well-being of youth. I guess not everyone can be awesome.

Phoebe still loves my stupid ass. She's more awesome than you.

Last night was great. I went to bed feeling great, I slept great, I woke up feeling great, my skin looks great, my hair looks great, and from what I hear, my ass and legs look great in my new jeans! Feeling great is far superior to feeling gross. Common sense. I started a new "beauty regimen"...sounds so posh...in order to prep for the wedding and I SWEAR that after 2 days, my skin and hair and nails look improved. Even if it's just mind over matter...I feel great. GREAT is the word of the day (even if it's a boring one)! Sure I spent a little more money on lotions and potions than I normally would, but if I wake up feeling this mind-blowingly good...it must be worth it, right? And I lost 6 pounds! I can see and feel the difference. I'm carrying myself differently today. I can take on the mothertrucking world.

A lot of it has to do with Todd.

We're in such a good place right now after temporarily being in a nasty, rotten place. It was brief but it was ick. After several "constructive criticism" talks and e-mails from Phoebe, I had to accept that we had some communication issues. And now...we're aces! We have a solid foundation now...super solid...and I feel so confident. Knowing that I'm part of something I really believe in with someone who really believe in me...boss. We just had to learn when to shut our mouths and when to open them. And we had to learn how to apologize and take fault and how to accept apologies and learn from mistakes. Anything I might have been worried about...I'm not anymore. We are TOTALLY high-fiving our asses off at the wedding, I'll tell you what.

The song Rocko wrote for the ceremony is called "So True". Got that right.

Enough moosh. What else is there to say? Not much. Phoebe's not making a voo-doo doll of me...check. Todd and I are totally bananas in love, as it should be. Check. The bills are almost totally under control. Check. Koffin Kats are coming this weekend and we will be there rocking out. Check. I'm losing weight and eating better. Check. I have a more positive outlook and tend to be more appreciative of my family, friends, and the good things I've got going. Check. I'm going to see Carol's adorable face tonight. Check. And not that this is something you want to hear about but the X-Rated part of my life...CHECK! CHECK! CHECK!

As I always end up saying: life...is...GREAT!

Switched it up on ya. You gotta be quick with me!

Build a fortress around my heart.

Let me start off by saying that "Oh My God" by Ida Maria makes me want to seriously fuck some shit up. It's an amazing song for being so repetetive. It makes my heart beat insanely fast and it makes me feel really alive. If you haven't heard it, listen to it. And if you hate it, jump off a bridge. OK...I could probably do without the dude singing along but it wouldn't be as full. Just go...rock out.

And let me continue by saying...

That I suck. And Todd sucks, too. We deserve each other because we suck so badly! Because of something that I don't even feel like getting into, we didn't make it to Phoebe's art show on Friday. I'm gringing just typing that. And the entire time that the thing I don't want to discuss was going down, we both had the fact that we were missing the show in the back of our minds. We feel rotten and 2 inches tall. I waited two days to even contact her to apologize because there was nothing I could possibly say to make it up to her or make it better. I should have been there, no matter what else was going on at home. And she's being incredibly understanding which makes it even worse. I want her to tell us to fuck off (not REALLY...she's my M-O-H) or that we're horrible, selfish friends. But she's not...damn it. I just want to say it again, and have it documented for posterity...

Phoebe, we are so sorry and we know how rotten it is that we weren't there and of all people, YOU are the person we shouldn't let down and we did. So even if you won't punish us...we're punishing ourselves on your behalf. If it takes flowers or cookie bouquets or fondue or punching Todd in the face (I'm selfish AND vain)...we'll make it up to you. Somehow. Love, Lacey and Todd.

Aside from totally bailing on Phoebe, this weekend put a lot of things into perspective. I could go on and on about what went down and how it was resolved and what was said and what will be done and how we came out of it so strong-n-solid. But honestly, I'm exhausted from the whole thing. I don't have the drive to relive it all right now. I barely have the focus to type this blathering mess. I will leave you with these gems.

I love you, Phoebe. And I'm sorry. We're sorry.

I love you, Todd. 166 days to go. And then we "consider" it.

I love you, smaller ass. You're adorable in my new jeans.

Out.

With man made feelings and scars still healing.

It's been a long time since I've blogged twice in one day.

Because I got busy living.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that the sours grapes are done feeding my raaaaaaaaaage! SOUR GRAPES! Oh, Milo. Regardless, as the day has gone by and words-n-feelings and whatnot have been thrown around (better than fists, I'd say, but painful all the same), it seems like all the fallout has settled and everyone has come out relatively unharmed. But don't mistake my calm state of being of turning pussy on ya. I still wouldn't mess with me.

NO MORE. DONE. GONE.

I just wanted those words saved for posterity.

In lighter, fluffier news...I have a weekend of "serious together time" ahead. That's a start, I'll tell you what. We don't want to be bothered until Monday morning. And that's an order! So enjoy your weekends doing whatever you're doing.

Their social misguidance was twisted sickly.

170 days to the wedding. Word.

I'm not trying to be tuff stuff here, but I am the last person people should fuck with. That's just an honest statement. I've known myself for 30 years so I know what I'm like when I have a thorn in my paw. I hold a mean grudge and I can get nasty. I don't just talk the talk. That's one of my biggest pet peeves...people who talk big and then can't follow through. I follow through, believe me. So I besiege people to just stay out of my way. My path is not a good place to be once I get fired-up.

Now that I'm done feeding my rage...

Yesterday sucked, which I was not at all expecting. I woke up slap-happy and ready to rally but that was quickly dashed. I hate people. I really do. People are such phonies. Not the Ol' Kentucky Sharks, of course. But even some people you hold in such high regard can suck sometimes. I, personally, am all awesome all of the time. No more second guessing myself...not that that happens frequently. I'm at a place in my life where I just don't need excess bullshit kiddie stuff. I hate liars. I hate bullshitters. And I hate people who try to decide what would be best for me. That's my job. I'm my own boss.

I am sour today. And my eyelids are swollen. And I sliced my lip open which is annoying but I kind of look like Scar from The Lion King. I'm basically counting down the hours until my work day is done and it's the weekend. Honestly, I'm counting down the hours until I stop stewing. And not just about one thing...about many things. I had such high hopes for this week and this weekend and then I got an open-palmed slap to the face. Well...I slap back. That's a promise AND a threat. I'm starting to really be amused by how surly I sound. Life just handed me some lemons and I'm about to make lemon-flavored Vodka out of them.

Other than that...everything is aces over here! April is showcasing a few fun events that can prep me for the big May Rock-n-Roll-A-Rama! So much going on in May, my liver and wallet may commit suicide. I can't wait for May. I can't wait to "cruise around" and rock out and be ME and be happy. There's no reason I can't be happy in April, and I will be. But May...man. I used to go to shows weekly and multiple shows on weekends. Even to see bands I've never heard of or bands I despised. That was the most fun time of my life. Going out of town to see bands. Buying t-shirts. Being obnoxious and shaking my fist. I'm gonna shake the fuck out of my fist in May.

May is going to be my reward for sticking it out.

They can't know what lies ahead.

Since I am relatively awesome all of the time, I don't typically get all emo and cheeseball about romantic songs, especially by corny new-punk bands with goofy names. BUT...after hearing the song for the first time while watching the video, I l-o-v-e Plain White T's "1, 2, 3, 4". I was practically sobbing by the time the (adorable) video was over. Did a little tugging at my heart strings, I guess. So...there. I lost a little street cred and I don't give a flipping flapjack about it.

FAREWLL BEER!

Yes, boys-n-ghouls, I'm kicking malted hopps and barely to the curb...during the week at least. I've got a strict beauty regimen that goes into effect 5 months before I walk down that aisle...and 5 months is creepin' up! I've always had good skin but I want to MOTHERTRUCKIN' RADIATE! So I have a plan for skin, hair, teeth, body and soul. I want to knock Todd's rented socks off (oh yes, everything but drawers come with the tux rental) when I waltz his way. So no more boozin' during the week. It'll be worth 5 months of water-n-weights when I'm toned, tuff, and taking names! We only get one set of wedding pictures. I owe it to myself.

I feel really good today. I feel good about my health-n-beauty plan. I feel good about the art show. I feel good about the wedding plans. I feel good about my relationship. Sure, I'm not stress free...because I wouldn't be me if I was...but I've got boatloads to get psyched about. I do miss my friends. I wish I could see them more often, and that's bound to happen at all the shows coming up during May Mayhem! I just want to wrap this good feeling around me for awhile. I am far superior when I'm laughing and goofing off, cruising around wrecking havok then I am when I'm down in the dumps. I'm mothertrucking 30 and...

...

...life is good!

Everyone's excited and confused!

I used to be of the frame of mind that I could only listen to soothing, quiet, mellow music in the morning so my head wouldn't explode or I wouldn't be overly amped for the work day. SCREW THAT! Now that only songs I want to listen to on the way to work are songs that make me go bananas and sing loudly and confuse the other drivers on the road! My current favs for the morning commute are "Cowtown" and "Man, It's So Loud In Here", both by They Might Be Giants. I've been listening to "get psyched" music every morning this week and it has flown by!! When I clock out today, it'll be the weekend!! FUCK YEAH!

And I don't have anything on my schedule (outside from a much needed haircut)!!! I am free as a bird! There is no reason why I shouldn't knock out all the paintings I started last Sunday. No reason at all! I refuse to get boring and lazy! And with Todd being all sick-o and out of commission...no excuses. I'm going to be covered in paint from head to toe by the time Sunday rolls around. Even my eyeballs! Even my ribs! Even my vag! I love having nothing on the schedule. Sure, I love shows and parties and events. But I also love staying in my pajamas all day and chilling at the Ol' Kentucky Corral!

There MIGHT be something in the works for Sunday since it's our 1 year anniversary. But whatever it is, it'll be wee and small and nothing because we're trying to financially responsible for a change. We don't want to start our married life as broke bastards. Only 177 days to go until I'm a Mrs. Holy dog shit. Incredible. And I'd like to be a Mrs. with a little money, ya know? So maybe we'll just high five and toast and pat ourselves on the back for surviving all the ups and downs for the past 365 days. Surviving the downs at least. The ups are bad ass! Regardless...we at least have to celebrate a little. We're bananas about each other and count our lucky stars all the time. Have a solid relationship and still having crushes on one another...that's a good reason to celebrate, I think.

Viva La Weekend!

No, I never take it out on you.

First let me say that I love tangerine being a new wedding color in combination with pink and red. I think it's pretty awesome and I'm not even a fan of colors in the orangey hues. And tangerine is not one of my wedding colors. But I love it. And I love the word tangerine. But I hate tengerines themselves. Gross. And there you have it.

That was the nice rant. Now for not-so-nice.

I'm stressssssed and everyone can feel it from a mile away. My eating paterns are weird. My sleep is just non-existant. I'm don't feel very motivated and I feel very defeated and nervous which is NOT how I like to feel. I like to feel like I could stick my boot right up the ass of the world. I like to feel triumphant. But I've got stress right now. And I don't want to list off the variety of things that are making me down-n-out. But I WILL say that Todd is not one of my stressors. And getting married is not a stressor. I like to thing those are my rewards for hard work. 6 months to go.

I'm looking forward to this weekend for sure. Friday night, Johnny and I are compiling a list of our Top 10 Favorite Episodes of "How I Met Your Mother" and plowing through them all. Beer, junk food, pajamas, vegging. I'm going to paint during the day and sloth at night. I'm sure my sides will be splitting. More painting Saturday during the day and then...EL MUCHACHO!!! If I can scrape the funds together (money these days is for necessities and contrary to MY belief...El Muchacho doesn't fall into that category). And Sunday...BRISTOL! It has relaxing potential written all over it and THAT is what I need.

I also need stress management skills.

Believe it or not.

Oh, and...I love you Phoebe. And Tessa. And Becky.

You know that I'm no good.

I wish I would have had a little tape recorder with me when I was at Phoebe's on Thursday so I could have made some "notes to self". Hilarity was spilling out of our mouths, I'll tell you that much. Besides being witty and awesome, we browsed wedding shoes, finalized bridesmaids gifts, and talked about how when I have babies, Phoebe will spend $40,000 at some rad boutique to cloth my kid. If Phoebe has 40,000 spare dollars, she and I need to chat! Regardless, it was a funny Thursday night with a funny girl and her funny dogs.

Followed by a funny bath with a funny guy.

Friday...wedding stuff. And then Carol's CD release. Todd and I were supposed to truck out there together but at dinner, he started feeling sicko. So I was solo, sugar. But when I got onto Waterloo...NO POWER! BLACKOUT! I had a beer and shot the breeze with Phoebe and Ant, listened to Carol dazzle the entertainment-hungry crowd with some accoustic gems, feel in love with Sobourbon Son and then boogied shortly after the lights came back on. I was exhausted and couldn't hack the delay. Plus, tattoo removal was making me itchy and crabby. Whatever. I'm lame.

I was going to go on about the rest of my weekend, which was a pretty bad-ass one, but fuck. The hearing in my left ear went sometime on Saturday night while I was bowling with a band of hooligans (3 strikes in the 10th frame...ALL HAIL ME) and has yet to return. Everything is fuzzy. And sometimes I have some sort of reverb. There are things I don't want to hear once yet alone twice...and more high pitched. I don't know what's going on up in that ear but irritating and obnoxious are how I will describe it. I wish I had a knitting needle to stick in there. They tend to offer relief in weird medical situations.

I wanna stomp your face with my Keds!

I have practically nothing to say again. I'm sure you're all shocked and amazed since my mouth is usually running like a bandit. But since I don't sling wedding details here, and the wedding has become all encompassing, I just have nothing. Zip. Nada. You just wait until May! In May, I'll be rocking out and all bananas. Not only will PFG be back in action but there are plenty of shows that I'll be takin' my dancin' shoes to. You'll be able to quilt a blanket of blogs once we get to May. But for now...

YAWN.

The Queers are playing at Grog Shop on Thursday. I sort of wanted to go and relive my youth but no one wants to relive it with me. And I'll probably just feel old because they'll be all old. But what else am I going to do? I don't work on Friday or anything. But I can bet I won't be there. And they'll probably play "Like a Parasite". But I won't know if they did or didn't. I'll just have to make up for being old by NOT being old at Carol's CD release on Saturday.

That's right Boys-n-Ghouls! Get your asses down to the Beachland Tavern for Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band's CD release show and snag a copy of "Red, White and Boobs"! I think the show is at 9:00 and I think it's $5. And I know your mind will be blown and you'll have boat loads of fun. Simple as that. I'll be there having fun. You can hang out with me.

You're the one for me. I like what I see.

The quickest rambling wrap-up ever.

I'm sick. Left work after half an hour on Thursday with the Black Death. Went straight to Urgicare...no messing around. Left with 4 prescriptions and spent a majority of the weekend in bed, slowly dying. So congested and what not that my eardrums have pulled in tight. And my lungs and swollen. And I'm miserable. Back to work and the real world, unfortunately, and still not in tip top condition. Bummer.

So there you have it. If you think I've been M.I.A., I have.

So hurry up and bring your jukebox money!

I'm in a good mood today (yeah yeah yeah, you can wipe those faces straight off your heads). I had a good weekend from start to finish despite the fact that I was laced with the black death! There was some turmoil on Wednesday because someone was poking their snout where it didn't belong. But that's over, being laughed about by many, many people, and life is good. Better than yours, for sure.

Friday, I sealed the deal on all kinds of wedding stuff but you can find that on ye ol' wedding blog. I also accompanied Todd and Aiden to the school dance. It was a fun change of pace. The music was horrible. The dancing was minimal. The grape Kool-Aide was spot on. Saturday Aiden and I had an Ihop breakfast date. Later, the fellas and I went to Dave and Busters but I was rocking a fever so it wasn't my best trip ever. The rest of the weekend can be filled in with mindless television, cough syrup and Mucinex, sleeping, and sickness. But overall, it was good. And tonight, I have a Mardi Gras date with my fiancee. Not bad. Not bad at all.

And last but not least, Happy belated Birthday, Rebecca. I'm sorry that my sickness kept me from spending the weekend with you. There was nowhere I wanted to be more. You're a bad ass friend and I love you! Everyone should love you! Happy 38th!!!

Why can't we have a change of pace?

GRRRRRRRRRR!!!

...

...

GRRRRRRR!! BLATHERRRRRR!!!

I am just not in a good mood or a good place at all right now. I'm not all down-n-out and crying and melancholy. I'm just...whatever! Did you ever hear "My United States of Whatever" by Liam Lynch? That's me right now. "Then along comes Kiki and she's all 'Awwwwwww' and I'm like 'WHATEVER!'".

I'm in a FTW and WTF kind of mood right now. I honestly could give a flying f-f-f-f-f-fuck if you were on fire. That's a general YOU. And honestly, I probably do care if many people I know are on fire. But not everyone I know. I guess I could piss it out for those unfortunate few that I can't be bothered with right now. I'm just kind of sick of people. And this mood I'm in is not good motivation for doing anything other than drinking away the part of the day that I can not sleep away...thank you very much, slurry Modest Mouse guy.

I need another date with Phoebe. We went to McIntyre's last week. It's not our "usual" spot but it's got atmosphere and personality and people that actually come to your table and bring you more drinks and they are rude or put out for doing their jobs! Are you hearing this, West Park Station? This means YOU! Anyway, I ordered everything fried that I possibly could, drank 4 beers, and spit out my problems as fast as I could so Phoebe could tell me an awesome story. I need more awesome time with Phoebe.

Actually, I just need to punch someone in the face. I have someone all picked out. Me slugging said person could really only help at this point. Totally diasater from the neck up. I should probably stop talking. I'm spitting negativity into all your grills.

I wish I still smoked.

I'm part of you indefinitely.

This morning I was listening to some mix CDs that my sister made me for my 30th birthday, and there was a cover of Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby". It made me strangely happy. I'm not even kidding you that when I was 20, that was my jam. Which is really weird because 20 to 22 was probably the height of my filthy punk phase and right inbetween Minor Threat and The Misfits was Mariah Carey, sitting comfortable on her big ass. Oh, the things you think about when you're 30 and rocking out to the mix CDs your sister made you.

So, yeah. I'm 30 now.

I'm all about being 30. Sadly, my birthday was not as mind-blowing as I had hyped up in my mind. We started birthday weekend off with a bang (and bangING) and an impromptu trip to the movies to see "My Bloody Valentine" in 3D. We loved it. It was incredible. Gore from the get-go. Friday was a mix up good-n-bad. Todd took the day off work to be with me...good. We went to The Melting Pot for lunch...good. I got suuuuuuuuper carsick on the way home and threw up the expensive lunch I just paid for and really didn't have much motivation to get off the couch for the rest of the night...bad. Todd because withdrawn, quiet and frustrated about some stressers in his life...bad. So Thursday was bad ass and Friday was both bad-ass and ass-bad.

Now it's my birthday. Todd sang to me in the middle of the night. Cute. Funny. We got up and went to breakfast which was fun, but I found out I had some issues at the bank. Way to wreck a morning. I brushed it off and got done some things I needed to get done and felt fairly accomplished. We cleaned for Becky's arrival and slowly...things just went down hill. Dinner was a ton of fun. Dinner will be the highlight. I have the best friends a girl could ask for. But I'd like to erase everything that happened after that from my brain. I'd like to blame it all on stress but that would just be an excuse. So the night ended earlier than I would have liked and never got better. Crying on your 30th birthday? Lame. Your friend driving all the way from Columbus just to drive back home at midnight? Lame.

Yesterday was my family birthday. It was great. It was relaxing. My parents really know how to do it up. But my mind was somewhere else. It was still a wreck from the night before, I guess. I dunno. I was just half there and half not. We did get a really sun surprise regarding the wedding. And I did get a beer glass from Milwaukee for the Women's Drinking Team which I LOVE. We talked a lot of wedding talk and my one sister who I thought was on the fence about being a bridesmaid bought a dress (!!!) which eased my mind. There were definite highs. We trucked home and got into movie mode and just sort of zoned out. I think I'm still zoned out.

Maybe it wasn't the best way to start 30 off. Nah...I'm not going to say that. Cause some of it was great and some of it was crazy fun. There were just lows that I wasn't expecting. But I guess it's just a day, right? Things didn't have to be mind-blowing just because it was my birthday. I mean...just because it's my favorite day of the year doesn't mean it's going to make everyone else be upbeat and awesome. Oh well. 30 will still be a good year.

Or I'm moving to Guam.

Light up a cigarette. Take it to bed.

I haven't written in a week. That's because there's nothing to write but motherfucking horror stories. Life is just feeling all kinds of dumb right now. Life has been upside-down DUMB this week. I've had to deal with dummies and I've felt like a dummy (fuck that noise, ya know?) and I'm just irritated through and through. Dumb fucking week. And it's BIRTHDAY WEEK!!! This is supposed to be pure insanity! I don't just celebrate the DAY. I celebrate THE WEEK! And I'm doing a damn shabby job of it, yo.

But it should perk up tomorrow. At quittin' time, my 3 day birthday weekend begins. Rumor around the campfire is somr people from work may be hittin' a local watering hole after we clock out to celebrate mine and Dan's respective births. And on Friday...yeah...so I have to clean. So what? It's cleaning for a good reason. BECKY IS COMING TO VISIT SATURDAY! Holy fucking dog shit. Amazing reason to clean. And then Saturday night...celebration city. If my mind isn't TOTALLY blown outta my SKULL...I can make it to family birthday funday Sunday.

And then 30 will be a-go.

Can I get a WHAT! WHAT! Or something else thuggish?

Amen.

And I'm staying right here forever.

I think it's a lot easier to bitch than to gush. It's so much easier to point out what's sucko than what's super awesome because the negative stuff tends to take us over in total. A blog that Phoebe had written sparked this thought in my peanut-sized brain. She is a little bananas when it comes to blogs and subscribes to...A LOT! She recently ditched one due to it's recent negative vibe. I was worried it was ME (it wasn't...she worships the quicksand I walk on) because things have sorta been the pits recently. I've probably been spitting more venom than I should. I'm going to try and let go of the icky stuff quicker and appreciate the awesome stuff more. Simply so Phoebe doesn't unsubscribe from me. Haw haw haw.

So here's something I appreciate...

I had a totally sucko day yesterday! There's some icky family garbage going on, there was some "uh oh...why do I feel nauseated all the time" stuff going on, money stuff, INSANE days at work...it was just a lot all at once and frost that with not sleeping well recently...I was one miserable cupcake. UNTIL I walked in my door.

Todd was all pajama'd up and waiting for me at the door with open arms for a big hug. I needed it. Hugs are sometime's the best medicine for a fucked-up day. I mean...a hug isn't going to make you feel better if you get raped or stabbed, probably. But if your day is overly stresseful, a hug can do the trick. He had made up a couch nest for me and ordered Chinese food. I got showered up, pajama'd up, crawled in my nest, chowed down, and just automatically destressed in his (and Ben and Jerry's) lovin' snuggle. Maybe all this sounds disgusting and vomit-inducing but...SHUT THE HELL UP! I'm trying to be positive!!! He didn't have to be all sweet and caring but he was AND I APPRECIATE IT more than he could possibly know. And although I didn't sleep GREAT, I slept better than I have in about 2 weeks.

So the ride into work was wrist-slittingly horrific but I had nice things to think about and knew that my fella was worried about my safety since I'm not a fan of weathery nonsense. And that's another thing...my car was all toasty when I left for work and a path had been soveled all the way to my driver's side door. He was like the Abominable Snow Todd when he came inside, red faced and frosty...but he did it so I wouldn't have to get red-faced and frosty. Not everything is sucko. Fiancees are cute, family is helpful, friends are bad-ass.

I still haven't made a resolution. Negativity-free in 09?