Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Here we are still around!

Love is in the air. Or marriage, rather. Phoebe and I got hitched (not to each other, though she IS my wife) and I know 4 engaged couples all of whom, I believe, are tying the knot in October of next year and most of whom, I KNOW, are awesome! If you're itching to get to the hitching, just stand in close proximity to me for a moment or two (this means YOU, Erin) because since I got engaged, everyone around me is all about commitment and shtuff. It couldn't hurt. I promise to shower regularly, wear an inviting fragrance, and keep my hands to myself!

I may have lied about that last part! I'm a liar.

I'm flipping exhausted. You'd think I'd been working the fields under the burning hot sun with nothing to drink but my own sweat. That's not the case. I want some quality sleep and I want it NOW. I demand it. Just a few days of solid, uniterrupted, nightmare-free sleep. Is that too much to ask for? Because at this moment, I'm looking for a dog to kick or a throat to slash because my brain-n-body are beat. A temporary coma would be divine. And I don't use frilly words like DIVIBNE. In fact, I'm aggitated that I even did that. And I blame it on my lack of sleep.

Mountain Shaker and Rockabye Ransom have completed the line-up for the birthday bash I am oh-so looking forward to. With 8,000 members in the band, it's been suggested that Mountain Shaker will need lube (I hate that word) for them all to fit in the basement. It's also been suggested that every band cover a Hall & Oates song which would be utterly terrific. I am very much looking forward to this event. It could be my corwning gem. But I think I've reserved "my crowning gem" for getting a skunk tattooed in my armpit!

I've got to get through New Year's festivities first before psyching up for my birthday. I'm also looking forward to ringing it all in as 2010 will definitely be our year. And your year, too, Tessa. I know it. With all the smack that's been happening to peopel I adore, good waves have to be coming. And January 1st starts my new photo blog project (http://stalkingmylife.blogspot.com) so be sure to start following. Unless you have no interest in what I find interesting. In which case, you're bananas.

"Abacab" is haunting me!!

Sunday, December 27, 2009


Even though it rocked, I am glad Christmas is over.

I guess I could blather on and on about what we did with our families, what we gave each other, how much F-U-N we had Christmas Eve...but really, it's all summed up. It was out first Christmas as a married couple and as a family and I'm marking it as a total rip-roarin' success! My mom made us tell a (good or bad) Christmas memory. Todd said he was sure that this year would be his memory for NEXT year...since he has such a cool wife and all. Man, I am full of myself today. Nah...I'm just happy. Anyway, see you next year, X-Mas. Now my wallet can officially stop bitching at me!

God bless time off because I am just not ready to go back to work yet. Tonight we're going to have a mini holiday get together with some of our besties. I am beyound pumped for that. And tomorrow we're meeting up with all my cousins...who are cooler than most people and I wish I could be more like them when I grow up...for some family cocktails. Then a short week at work and another 5 day weekend!!! Solid.

I need to start thinking about New Year's resolutions. I know I want...no, NEED...to work on boosting my immune system. And I need to start saving some dough for any hypothetical spawn that may start cooking in 2010...or for a Mini-Cooper if I'm feelin ultimately shallow. Regardless, I've learned (thanks to Carol) that the more resolutions/goals I set for myself over the year, the more chances I have to feel like a success rather than a failure. Not that I often times feel like a failure. I'm too awesome for that.

Is owning 50 plaid shirts a solid resolution? I think so.

Anyway, just wanted to pop in and say life is good. In case anyone forgot.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Time to be nice to the people you can't stand.

I am now officially and totally in the holiday spirit. And not just because we've decided to make our X-Mas Eve night alone "clothing optional"!!! I've caught the holiday fever, people, and I'm trying to spread it around to those who have lost their spirit. And maybe they're tell me to F myself in the A. Maybe they'll punch me in the junk (speaking of that, "vajunk" is the new buzz word for a woman's nether region, you heard it here first). I don't care. I'll go all Holiday Ninja on them. I'm not sure what that means. What I DO know is that for the first time since my youth, I'm pumped about the holidays.

5 day weekend. I do so love how that sounds.

Since my dance card is full (full of get-togethers, festivities, PJs, nudity, hijinks, shenanigans, tomfoolery and chaos) until Tuesday...yes, TUESDAY...I'll take this opportunity to encourage people to watch all X-Mas related episodes of Futurama, drink some Starbucks Peppermint Hot Chocolate (sorry, it rules, FU people who hate Starbucks), and just take this tacky holiday for what it is. A prime opportunity to have an awesome time! Oh my God, I probably sounds high. Usually at this time of year, I'm slashing throats, punching babies and kicking dogs. Maybe I AM high. I've always suspected someone would try to poison me.

Anyway...Merry Merry!

Monday, December 21, 2009

I didn't want to walk out on you.

I posted this without saying a few things I wanted to.

EDIT #1: I'm shocked that Brittany Murphy is dead but really don't care too much. Yeah, she was funny. And yeah, she voiced Luanne Platter on King of the Hill. But other than that...I sort of forgot she existed over the past few years. Regardless, R.I.P.

EDIT #2: Last night at PJs, the guy across from us looked A LOT like Edward Cullen. Both Todd and I could not take out eyes off him. We even tried to stealthily take pictures of him with our phones. We were like STALKERS. He probably thought we wanted to take him home.

EDIT #3: Todd and I have picked a girl baby name. There's no bun in the oven but there will be in 2010. We picked a first and middle name that we both LOVE. There was no settling or compromise. And the name goes well with Berringer which is good since we're breeding her to marry Evan.

"Hank, can we please stop doing this. I can feel my liver through my shirt" - Peggy Hill.

I would like to give the weekend two thumbs up and a high five despite the fact that I CAN feel my liver through my shirt. I'm not saying I drank like a sailor but I've cut back so much that even a few cocktails shocks my insides. Did you know that alcoholics must be sober for 1 year before they can receive a liver transplant? I'm not saying I'm an alcoholic or that I need a liver transplant. That was just a fun fact to expand your brain size.

Moving on.

Yeah, the weekend was super solid. Lots of one-on-one time with the husband which was needed. Saturday marked 3 months since we got hitched and in 3 months, well, we've been mega stressed out which is hard on newleyweds. Especially with Todd getting laid off. We could've done without that one for sure. But the weekend was rad and put us back into a really good place. We're all gross for each other-n-stuff.

Besides watching movies (Funny People with Adam Sandler was terrible...my brain still aches from trying to tough it out) we slept a lot, enjoyed numerous cocktails, got frisky like teenagers, and even had a pretty awesome date on Saturday: Japanese food at Benihana (I rock the chopsticks) and Daikaiju at Euclid Tavern! Added two more bands for the party in February, Rockabye Ransom and Mountain Shaker. Counting down the days for that bad boy. What else? Watched the Browns game, made lasagna and lemon pasta, went to PJs for their X-Mas par-tay. That pretty much sums it up.

And speaking of X-Mas...I'm pumped about it again! SUPER pumped. I've got a 3 day work week followed by a 5 day weekend filled with awesomeness! I'm especially looking forward to Sunday when Becky comes to visit. AND there will be a special appearance by Mary Byrne who I haven't seen in 5 or 6 years and has my single favorite laugh EVER. I plan on making her laugh her pants off. I plan on laughing my OWN pants off. Then there's another short work week followed by New Year's radness, a 4 day weekend, and TAILGATING with Carol "The Shoe" Shoelane?!?!?! Yep. Life is good.

I feel all whole and stuff.

Friday, December 18, 2009

What did I see? I saw hips. I saw thighs.

Someone's wearing their frisky pants today.

(It's meeeee).

David Porter & The Young Repulicans and Gimme Dat Shoe (featuring former members of Lords Of The Highway and Horror of 59) are confirmed for the 30th Birthday Party Part 2 that will be held at our digs on Saturday February 6th. A band from Columbus might round things out or I might try to strike up a deal with Cult Of The Psychic Fetus, though that may require ritual sacrifice. I wonder if they'll accept a really hyper, 1/2 wolf & 1/2 mutt names Shelby. Regardless, the date is set, the wheels are in motion, and it will be legendary, no doubt.

I have to get my mind out of the gutter.

Until I get home, that is. Ahhh...I feel like I'm 14 again.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I can only see your face.

Onboxious, unintelligible pop-monster Sting claims that "Every Breath You Take" is NOT about stalking a woman. I claim that Sting is worthless and also delusional. You wrote a creepy stalking song, Police. Deal with it. You can't take it back.

I think it might be time for another foreign language rant. I'm going to hold off a day or two and feed my rage, let it stew. Actually, it's not even rage because the whole situation makes me laugh my face right off of my head. I wouldn't waste bottled up rage on such a worthless piece of white t-t-t-t-trash. What foreign language goes best with being entertained by people who are flat our ridiculous? I'm thinking German. Discuss.

At the WCSB Halloween party, which we had a mind-blowingly excellent time at, there was this band that made me want to chew through my own wrists or do windmills taking out people in my path. It was basically 45 minutes of "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!". When they were done doing whatever they were doing, Todd and I felt anxious and disturbed. I expressed my hatred for said "band" and I was basically looked down upon because I didn't embrace "noise bands". Noise band? Puh-lease tell me you're kidding! I hate you Fragments, and I hope I never see you again.

I thought the singer of "We Five" was a man. Sorry.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Lights on the tree. I'm watchin' them shine.

My favorite Christmas song is the version of "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" by New Bomb Turks. It was recorded on a 3-track in someone's kitchen. I'm almost 100% certain it's on the Pissing Out The Poison album. Get it, listen to it, and if you don't have it, bring your record player to my house because I DO have it. It's even more gross and raw on vinyl. Oh Eric Davidson, how you have the ability to make me uncomfortable like no other! I love the way you kind of look like a little less Frankenstein-y version of Quentin Tarrantino.

A titch of my holiday spirit has been restored, I'm happy to say. I guess I should say a part of my OVERALL spirit has been restored. You know how sometimes you have to make smaller messes before a room gets decluttered and cleaned? Yeah. It happpens in all areas of life. There was a big mess which became several smaller messes and now everything is clean. And I'm all happy-n-content-n-satisfied. Which is much better than being than being a total jerkoff. Not saying I was being one. Just saying.

I don't want to get all nostalgic about 2009 but I can't believe it's going to be over in 2 weeks. This year has been the most bananas combination of insanity and pure awesomeness. I had my first art show and it was a success, I got married to someone rad, I went to Jamaica and swam with 8 foot sharks, Jen had a perfect baby, we decided to try breeding (early next year), things changed for me at work (smile), things changed for Todd at work (frown), PHOEBE got married (by ME)...and those are just the big ticket items! There was plenty more awesomeness and insanity filling in the gaps! I'm bummed to see 2009 go but super psyched to enter 2010 with guns blazing!

I'm in a good place right now. I don't feel like slashing throats or kicking babies. I feel all whole and undamaged. Who knew? Life is good!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I've got wounds to bind.

In the song "Major Tom" by Peter Schilling, does Major Tom end of floating around in space due to a mechanical malfunction or does he purposefully CHOOSE to just disappear into outerspace? The song confused me once I listened more closely. This jam is equally as creepy as songs by The Alan Parsons Project. So heed my warning, don't listen to it at night, in the dark, alone, when upset or scared, and ESPECIALLY don't listen to it while driving alone at night in an unfamiliar or questionable neighborhood. Shivers.

Once I figure that one out, maybe I can finally decided whether it's a good or bad thing that Spaceshits want to "cook that woman up in bacon grease" and "grease her up, grease her up, man oh man". Still on the fence about that one.

The world is your oyster.

What if you don't like oysters? Are you screwed?

I've been feeling off recently. Not so much like myself and that needs to get remedied right quick. I need projects. I painted the bathroom last night and wrapped X-Mas gifts. That was only a temporary fix. I'd like to start painting again or do something else in the art department. But that involves money. And money got tight once we became a single income fam. Not that we were making it rain or anything before but still. I hate money. I want to set it all on fire...but not as much as I want to spend it. The bottom line is I need to turn my brain off for awhile. And I need a way to do that which inflicts less permanent damage than actually sawing my skull open and scooping that sucker out.

Monday, December 14, 2009

I want your horror. I want your design.

I had a textversation with Phoebe last night about the fact that I was secretly listening to Lady GaGa on my headphones, in the dark, alone (possibly while hiding under a blanket). She agreed to still be friends with me as admitting my misdeeds was the first step to recovery. I was also listening to "Suddenly" by Billy Ocean and the theme song to The Greatest American Hero, which may just be unforgivable. It was a new low for me. I feel dirty.

If I ever start a band (oh that high school dream that will never die), I am for SURE going to wear animal costumes while we play. I say that now because it's been a few months since I donned the "Finger Lickin' Strip Tease" suit. I've forgotten how it feels like boiling death when you're in there. Much like how female cats forget there are barbs on male cat junk that shreds them during mating (cause for the unmistakeable howl during cat love)...they keep on sticking their cat butts in the air. Such is my feeling towards animal costumes. What was my point again?

Oh yeah. Starting a band with a gimick.

I'll get on that in 2010.

This morning I was handed a bag full of canned pineapples which is similar to handing me a bag of severed baby bunny heads. I am utterly repulsed. I'm sure there are far worse things to be reulsed by, like that guy in Cleveland with all the dead bodies in his basement...but I'm giving this one to the pineapples. They are certainly the devil's fruit. Don't try and tell me differently because I'm stubborn where foods I hate that start with P are concerned.

I think there is going to be a 30th Birthday Party (it will really be my 31st but since my 30th didn't go the way I planned, I'm calling a do-over) in February. It will be the kick-off to bringing basement parties back at the Ol' Kentucky Corral. If you know any awesome bands I should have play at my par-tay, let me know. It's not a TRUE Ol' Kentucky basement party without bands. Though karaoke is always an option...


Thursday, December 10, 2009

I really love you & we're gonna get married.


Oh Thank GOD. It's been eating me alive. So...a few weeks ago, a friend tells me that she and her boyfriend of many years want to get married. She told me via text so she missed out on the no-doubt HILARIOUS look on my mug. It was a big secret and they weren't telling ANYONE, therefore I was bound to secrecy. I offered to officiate as years ago I became ordained via the interweb. It was the cool thing to do.

Lo and behold, they actually DID want me to marry them!

Since I have a new last name, I became reordained at the end of October. When my credentials came in the mail, I submitted them to the Secretary of State and POW! My certificate came in the mail and I was officially Reverend L.G. I'd like to be referred to as "The Rev" from now on. Moving along...the secret date and secret location were set, the stand-in rings were secured (custom rings weren't ready so the ring bearer, who is also MY husband, bought Ring Pops), and we were off.

At 6:00pm, Wednesday December 2nd, Todd and I met the bride-n-groom, along with 4 pals, at The Happy Dog. We all had a drink and then moved to a slightly more secluded side of the bar while the horrible DJ played a short play list for us. I talked a little about marriage and then those crazy kids exchanged vows (I liked the whoel "repeat after me" thing). And it was very sweet. The groom took her hands and look her in the eyes which was slightly surprising. The bride looked sweet-n-shy and sort of hid in his armpit which was not surprising (love you).

Then the best lookin' ring bearer in town offered up Watermelon for the groom, Strawberry for the bride. They exchanged the Ring Pops, agreeded to never divorce, I pronounced them husband and wife...with all that power given to me by the great state of Ohiya...and they kissed. It truly was a very sweet evening. I signed the marriage license and it was official.

CONGRATULATIONS PHOEBE & RYAN!!! May you have a long, healthy, happy marriage. Thanks for letting me be a part of your big day. It truly was an honor to serve as your reverend. I hope you are the first in a long line of people I can to join in wedded bliss in bizarre local locations. LOVE YOU.

Farewell Lieutenant and HELLO CAPTAIN! I'm like a proud mama.

My intestines have decided that today would be a good day to have some sort of Battle Royale. And I'm fairly certain that if I just drilled an itty bitty hole between my eyes or in my temples, this day would drastically improve. I need a warm washcloth on my forehead, pajamas, noodle soup, and juice. I need a backrub and I need to hibernate. This chronic virus and syndrome garbage is starting to get old.

Off topic, "Abbacab" by Genesis sort of creeps me out.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

First you must learn to swim all over again.

Dear Awesome Commenters:

1. The new additions to the PFG clan with be Grimm's girlfriend, Erin (and GRIMM himself as our smarmy emcee, hopefully in some sort of glittery suitcoat and fake mustache), and a friend of Karen's that I have never metbut she comes highly recommended. If we can squeeze just one more luscious lady in there, I think we'll be solid. It's going to be new and improved and hopefully involve a lot more antics in animal costumes.

2. The only reason I'm not going to nursing school (besides being allergic to toddlers and the elderly) is that things are really solid at my current place of employment. May not be the job I dreamed of as a little girl but honestly, I was never going to be a succesful sculptor or plastic surgeon. So with room to grow, overtime, work days that just fly by, and a laid-off husband...I better stay put for now. I don't think nursing school is going anywhere. I also don't think I'll ever throughly be able to wrap my head around math. Plus, my extra pennies need to be invested in a plane ticket to Korea.


Yours Truly

P.S. I have recently purchased a switchblade comb for mustaches, ranch salad dressing flavored breath mints, and a stuffed animal that represents MRSA wearing a cape. How do you like me now?

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Whether to believe or not is only up to you.

I just heard some news. I don't like it. I need info.



Moving on.

You should be seeing more of The New-n-Improved Pussyfoot Girls in early 2010 and the litter is expanding by at LEAST 2. I see many wigs and fake lashes in my future. Time to get my strut on. Again.

I've put the nix on nursing school. I don't feel like spending money to make money when I'm already making money. And that's just asking my immune system to commit suicide right there. Plus I pretty much hate people.

I've been sort of spitting nails recently. I want to shake it off but the feeling seems to be embedded. I wish I could get in a meaningless fist fight...but with a punching bag so no one gets their feelings...or face...hurt.

I just remembered how much I hate "Gummo". Ugh.

It's really sucko that we aren't going to The Falls for New Year's Eve. I'm determined for 2010 to be nothing but f-u-n and that would've been a great jump start. But a hotel back-up plan is in the works. I do love a back-up plan.

This is mighty random, I know. I don't care. Eat dirt. No! Eat the fried cheese at Cheesecake Factory! And drink Bomb Pops at PJ McIntyre's! That'll fix whatever is unhinged. At least temporarily.

TMFK, I hope something can fix what has you unhinged today. I love you.

Monday, December 07, 2009

When I swallow my gum, you never react.

For the sake of posterity, I want to make note that Todd watched "Twilight" with me last night. It could have been due to beer consumption. It could have been that he was in a turkey dinner induced coma. But the text he sent to Tessa suggests that it was because he loves me.

This may shock you but I am really getting in the X-Mas spirit this year. Big holidays typically make me (and my husband) want to throw up in the laps of innocent passerbys but I guess I've got the bug this year. Tessa and I are going to rally next Wednesday and get our shop on. I'm a bad shopper in a sense that I like to buy but not to SHOP. But I pride myself on being a good gift giver so I've got my list and I'm going into those stores with guns blazzing! Todd is in for some pure awesomeness. It'll take every ounce of self-restraint I have to not give him his gifts on our Anti-X-Mas-Eve.

Hit up 2 parties on Saturday despite my ever-growing exhaustion and had a great time. First was Tom & Carol's Taco Party. I wish my walnut sized brain would've remembered to bring "Taco Party" by Michael Ian Black. If you haven't read that yet, do it! It's in the book "My Custom Van" and I pee a little (just like when Karen jumps on a trampoline) every time I read it. Anyway, the were excellent hosts and I had a rad time.

Then a segment of the Taco Party people migrated to Jim's for a festive fiesta! It gave me the warm and fuzzies to see a bunch of my pals that I haven't palled with in awhile. Did a few Twister moves, rocked out to bands (Mountain Shaker was SOLID and Kevin-n-Hadley can't get any cuter), enjoyed some Tequilla and Presidente, learned the beauty of "turkey bags" from Texas Pete. That conversation evolved into a Sunday turkey dinner that I couldn't have been happier with. Eff you, Martha Stewart!

If you know anyone who is into mustaches, being a drunk, Chuck Norris and/or Mr. T, smut, poop, or kitch, may I suggest you go to Urban Outfitters immediately? I could have hemorraged my paycheck in that joint but I practiced self-control. I marked that on the calendar as "a first". It took all the strength I had not to buy something called "Borrow My Pen" which included 8 pens from questionable businesses such as "The West Bend Sex Addiction Clinic". Stuff like that. Mind blowingly awesome.

RANDOM: Anyone who finds me the 80's HBO TV show "Brain Games" on DVD or VHS (I'll take a totally raped copy, I'm no snob) gets a special prize. Probably purchased at Urban Outfitters. And probably involving a mustache.

Time to turn my brain back on.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Good morning captain. Good morning to you!

I have bones tattooed on my thumbs. I don't know why I waited so long to talk about them. Maybe I didn't want my mom's head to fall off. Tattoos are for drunks and sailors, you know. And tattoos on the hands really crossed a line. "Everlasting Job Stoppers" as Phoebe would say. Regardless...

When Todd and I were on the Key West portion of our honeymoon, we saw a rad looking tattoo shop and suddenly had a major craving for matching tattoos (which I NEVER thought would happen). The only "matching" tattoo I have is the anchor on the inside of my arm that says "Sailor's Girl" based on the song "18 Wheels". Jen has the same. It's a bonding thing. But I've strayed from the initial point. That's what I do. Blather.

So what wedding tattoos would we get? Certainly not a lock and key. Forget names (I already have Robot Todd anyway). Out of nowhere, Todd suggests bones on our thumbs because we are major hand holders and when we do, it would create crossbones. So there you have it. We didn't get them in Key West because...well...there were dacquiris involved and shark swimming to be done. So as soon as we were back in Ohio, we hit up Karl!

They were the first thumbs he's every tattooed.

Mine are pink. His are golden.

I don't know why I decided to talk about my bones today as they've been there for 2.5 months already. I guess it's because my brain feels sort of deep-fried and I'm just a little bit zombie today. I plan on making the most out of my weekend as the week itself made me feel off-balance. Tonight we're working on the great basement project (got a 55" widescreen yesterday that will make watching any movie with blood splatter ten times better). Tomorrow is TACO NIGHT with the Shoe-Lanes and then a par-tay at Jim's that I'm really looking forward to. And Sunday is chiiiiiiiill per usual. I think I'll be making a turkey, or so it's been suggested. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm also looking forward to seeing "New Moon" for the 3rd time.

Monday, November 30, 2009

What others tell you won't be true.

PJ Mac ATTACK indeed! Some of you may have received a dark but nonetheless bloody picture of gauze and chaos on Wednesday night. That was my thumb which was ripped open during our weekly date night. Blood splattered all over...me. Who knew such a small yet flappish wound could bleed for so many days? Regardless, it hindered my ability to bowl and sleep (not simultaneously) as the thumb had a heartbeat of it's own.

Turkey Day was basic. I ate, I saw "New Moon" again, I conquered.

I set up our X-Mas tree this weekend. Done put out some lights. We're not Christmas people. I never really have been. And Todd thinks Christmas "looks ugly". Still, since there's a small fry living in the house, we did our best to make things festive. I've got to say...I am in love with the tree. A few years back, I left the tree up until May! I got a lot of flack for it but I loved that sucker. I guess I'll try my best to enjoy all the chaos this year. I wonder what the body count post my effort will be.

Project Basement Chill Spot, well under way!

Not sleeping is the pits. It's going to be a long day, y'all.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Don't think that it bothers me at all.

I am no movie reviewer. I'm barely a solid reviewer of my own life. But let me just say this, and take it very seriously: NEW MOON WAS AWESOME! They managed to pack a LOT of what happened in that ginormous book into 130 minutes, I'll tell you what. So it wasn't the best movie ever made (who can top "Saturday the 14th"?) but it WAS awesome and I DID love it. It was the first time in a long time...if not ever...that I didn't want a movie to end. I felt alive when I walked to my car (or undead...take your pic) after a day pf pretty much feeling like a zombie. It was chilly and damp and it felt like Forks.

-not nearly enough of The Cullens.
-lengthy periods without Edward...stupid book.
-Kristen Stewart and her constant stammering.
-NOT a realistic break-up (with or without a vampire).
-a few cheesey parts (like the Edward flashbacks).
-Dakota Fanning. What's the big deal?

-werewolves...big ones...and their phasing.
-staying true to the book.
-Edward got hotter despite my assumption that it was impossible.
-Victoria vs. The Werewolves. Short but rad.
-evoked emotions...in me...the big dork alone at the movies.
-cool fight scenes with the Volturi.
-did I mention Edward?
-better soundtrack.

So there you have it. After a pretty rotten day, I saw New Moon. And I have plans with at least 3 other people to see it again. Hey, I work hard. I've been working overtime. I keep my house in order, pay my pills, keep food in the fridge. If I want to treat myself to the same movie 4 times, who's going to stop me? I didn't see "Twilight" in the theater so I'm making up for it now. Todd was sweet enough to offer to see it with me but thank GOD he didn't. Shedding a few tears when Edward left Bella would have been my doom.

Like when I was sobbing over dead baby seals.

Happy Turkey Day, y'all. Have fun. Get fat.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

You my mirror. You my iron bars.

A picture from our wedding has been entered into the People's Choice category of a wedding photography contest on Top Knot. There are 500+ pictures so we probably won't WIN but that doesn't mean we won't TRY. Not that we would win anything...it was entered by our photographer, and he's awesome so I want HIM to WIN! All you need to do is follow this link and vote for us. And push your friends to vote for us. Bribe them if you have to! We'd appreciate it. All it takes is an e-mail address. You can be done in no time flat!

If you weren't at the big event, let me tell you a little story. Todd and I were sitting at the head table, finally getting a chance to kick it. Then that clank, clank, clanking on the glasses started alerting us that it was time to get our smooch on. My husband held up the napkin thinking we could irk some people by hiding the lip-locking. Little did we know that Jeff was behind us capturing the moment. So much for being sneaky! Anyway, when we saw it the first time, we went bananas. It's our favorite...or at least in the top 3. It's just US, how we are...and all the people we love...stuffing their faces!

So please vote for Jeff's rad pic. And have a nice day!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Pictures of each other taken by each other.

I'm starting a new (read that as ADDITIONAL) blog in 2010. New Year's Day, to be exact. My life is pictures, so to speak. The details are over there. Over HERE: Stalk My Life!

I want to see how 2010 turns out and a picture speakers like a gazillion trillion words. And I now you'd love me to shut my face for awhile. So my camera is my constant companion and we'll see what we see. And I bet a lot of it will just be awesome.

So go on over to Stalk City and follow. You may miss me practicing my Ninja skills or doing some very out of character things to make the most our of 2010. Not that being a Ninja is out of character. You may see YOU doing crazy things. If you're in my life, you're in my blog. That's livin', baby.

Now back to The Cleveland A.

If I go see "New Moon" alone today, does that make me utterly pathetic and lame? Will I be that lame older broad in a theater full of teens and tweens?? Let it be known that Edward Cullen...rather R-Pat...is closer to my age than most of those little monsters (the movie-goers, not the vampires and werewolves). It's playing at 11:25. I bet I can see it before Todd even gets out of bed. Sneaking off to see it saves me from being brutally made fun of by my husband. I just don't need.

I have a box of Sno-Caps all set to go!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Anything I want, he gives it to me.

I had too many Sno-Caps for breakfast. My insides are fighting back.

So much for healthy living!

Todd and I have been super "on" the past few days. All in love-n-junk. Yesterday was 2 months of being hitched and in that 2 months, I found out about lifelong mono and constant exhaustion AND Todd became an economic statistic. What's going to happen when we hit 6 months? Scurvy? House fire? PIN WORMS!?!?! Regardless of recent stressors, we've managed to remain feisty and flirty. Even when I want to punch the world in the brain.

Been almost 12 hours since "New Moon" came out. Heart go throb.

Alright. I just wanted to spit some randomness at you because my blog blathering will be cut down some (yeah, yeah, do your cartwheels and cheer). My life has become a little bit of a tornado as of late so my free time is spent a little differently. I'll still be here. I'll still be rambling. It will just be less frequently. Believe me, I need this thang to rant-n-rave on so my hair stops falling out and I don't keep it...whatever "it" is...all bottled up!


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I like to get to the other side

Oh life. Why do you have to be so unpredictable and weird? Why do I sometimes want to make sweet love to you and other times want to punch you in the brain? Can you answer me this, oh life that I have happily and somewhat recklessly lived for 30 years?

There's a lot of change in the air. And in our faces. Things have changed for me at my place of employment...days, hours, responsibilities...all on a good wave, I think. The days have been flying by. Todd's employment on the other hand...blech. The economy sucks. Businesses suck. We just have to believe that something better is on the horizon. Positive thinking or some bullshit like that. Anyway, we're sticking together through this one. Team Skunk-n-Weasel. If I have to work a little harder and a little more, take on more financial stress...hey, this is what marriage is. Having each other's backs.

Moving on.

Due to the above mentioned financial/employment weirdness, we will not be northern-bound for New Year's Eve. Instead, I think we're going to rally people on over to our corral. We'll get to The Falls another time. We've got our whole life together to overpay for beer and go to really horrible wax museums (I'm trying to make myself think it wasn't that great of an idea...sigh). But the get together we're throwing, whether we keep it small or make it massive, will be rad. As long as I'm locking lips with my husband at midnight! Or locking genitals. Whatever. Oh, and the cruise is on. I'm not cancelling all of our rad plans just because we're got a hitch in our giddyup. We WILL be getting tropical!

What else is in the news?

I love my husband, if anyone cares about that.

And my friends. I love you knuckleheads.

And I love you, Edward Cullen. Just don't tell my husband.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Some people gonna benefit. Others gotta sacrifice.


I love you. I'm so sorry. I've got your back.


P.S. What is going on in the world right now? Why are bad things happening to good people? And why do sucky people get to keep on sucking? Life isn't fair, that's what they say. But it SHOULD be. An eye for an eye. Regardless, to anyone who has hit a rough patch or is down and out, I'm sorry and I can empathize.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

That's something you can't deny.

Coma for 1, please.

My body feels 10 times as heavy as usual. Everything aches down to my eyeballs, fingernails and teeth. I think even my hair hurts. Todd pulled me in for a hug this morning as I think he could sense my general misery. Lifting my arms to hug back was an effort. And the pressure of his hands on my back was painful. I appreciated the gesture and the comfort but was saddened by the fact that something I love so much was making me want to bawl my sore eyeballs out.

It's been coming on since Sunday. It's probably been coming on for longer than that. But the days I feel bad, I just think it has to do with the CFS or the virus (that sounds so creepy but it's basically just getting mono over and over and over again). And thinking that way has helped. When I feel overly exhausted, I don't automatically think I'm sick. But I have to admit that I am this time. I hope it's just some random bug and not that 5 day flu that's been going around...or Bacon Fever (Oh, Phoebe).

I need a system re-boot. Big time.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Fields are ripe. It's the spring time of my life.

Go to Hell, Lunesta.

Never once did I have the pleasure of neon butterflies. Instead, I truly terrifying and life-like nightmares. And last night, I couldn't wake myself up. I could not escape a nightmare that was hitting WAY too close to home. And when I did, the combo of relief and terror made me attempt to crawl inside of Todd's skin. I want to sleep, I do. But not at the expense of my sanity. I'd rather wake up every 2 hours and have broken, restless sleep. Or beat the Hell out of my liver with various "PMs". After nightmares like this, it's hard to just start the day. I'm a mess.

Now here's something you'll REALLY like!

Todd's 30th Birthday was Saturday and we successfully celebrated the bejesus out of it with the most fun 80s cover band I've ever seen. Little Jen said the pictures were funny because you could see how drunk we were as the night progressed. But I was TOTALLY SOBER! I was just having that much fun. Everyone was, especially the birthday boy which is what REALLY matters. He had SO much fun, that he ever asked me to dance! At a bar full of people! To a fast song! It was an amazing night...outside of one scuffle with a man in a Cosby sweater and one Helluva a hangover to kick off being 30. "Getting Hammered" is now on Todd's Murtaugh List. Mine, too (being sober was rad...the people-watching I did was endless entertainment). Regardless, it'll be hard to top this one. Happy 30th Birthday, baby.

I wish it was New Year's Eve so we could be in The Falls.

And I wish I wasn't starting to get sick. : (

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Message received loud and clear.

I think there's something in the water that's sending people I know on a variety of emotional rollercoasters! I can't test my hypothesis because anyone who knows me knows I don't drink water. But emotions are running high, this much I do know. I feel pretty level right now, outside of work being a busy beehive, f-f-f-f-f-fatigue taking over my vessel, and an angry burn on my wrist reminding me who's boss. Carol is starting every day off by reminding herself what she's thankful for. I've decided to make a list of things that make me hap-hap-happy in an effort to protect myself from any rollercoaster rides (similar plan is in effect to keep the flu at bay and so far, so flipping good).

1. Watching TV boxsets in bed: I LOVE our bed. I've had my pillow since I was 19, which is probably unhealthy and is certainly gross. And I love Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother, Ugly Betty, etc. Putting on a good pair of PJs and getting in bed with a glass of juice is the best way for me to destress. A close second is attacking the DVR on Fridays. Project Runway, ANTM, Top Chef...HEAVEN!

2. PJ Thursdays: Months ago, Todd got starting asking me if he could take me out for a drink every Thursday. We picked a cool bar close to home that was douchebag-free. And it became our date night! He stopped asking me because it was just KNOWN! It has since expanded and now friends join, food is a given, and there is typically at least ONE fruity-n-delicious shot! It wraps destress for the weekend. It's my favorite night of the week.

3. Nolan Lucky and Evan James: Nolan is my 16 month old boyfriend and he's just awesome, like his mama. He is FAR cooler than I will ever be. He almost wore a shirt to the wedding that said, "I OBJECT!". Swoon! Evan James is my 6 day old boyfriend and I fell in love with him in utero. He was IN my wedding! The second I saw him perfect face...hooked. His picture is my cell wallpaper. These 2 dudes are going to rule the world. No doubt.

4. They Might Be Giants: While they DO have a few sad songs...you wouldn't really know it! All of their songs SEEM so HAPPY! Anything negative or boo-hoo they have to say, they disguise in utter awesomeness! We should all take a cue from them. When they sing, "No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful. Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful", and you're still dancing and smiling? That is JOY right there.

5. Our wedding pictures: Not only do we look genuinely happy, but we look like us. There's goofy faces and odd poses and we thumb-wrestled and kissed and drank beer and I carried my lunchbox and we just were who we ARE. I don't look at those pictures and see a fancied up version of us. I just see us. And I see the people we love being themselves. If our house was burning down and I could only save one thing, it would be these photos (if my husband was already safe, that is).

6. Blind box toys: Specifically Smorkin' Labbits, Mongers, Yummy Breakfasts, and anything with a moustache. I haven't been to Carol & John's in awhile and that's probably a good thing. You think you can buy just one of each but you CAN'T! You don't know what's inside. It's a gamble. It's a RUSH! You want that surge of adrenaline as your opening the silver foil. I'm still dying ot get the angel and moustache Smorkin' Labbits but I need to practice self-control!

7. Dave & Buster's: Yes, it's expensive, but I have NEVER left there unhappy. They have the BEST cheese fries and the BEST cheesesteaks! The shots are yum, the beers are cold, and the games are a BLAST! I even came close to beating Todd in hoops (I claim I'm going to dominate every time). It's not Vegas but the lights and chimes and chaos make it a damn good time.

8. Airports: I love everything about airports. I even love checking baggage and waiting in the security line. An airport means you're going somewhere or you've been somewhere. I love stopping in a shop and getting magazine for the flight, the lame ass snack/meal they give you onboard, getting an inflight movie when travelling long distances, being in different airports (they serve Presidente at the Hollywood/Ft. Lauderale airport). I love it ALL! Is it April yet??

I'll leave it at 8. 8 is great and I'm happy.

Saturday is Todd's 30 Birthday. We'll be at PJ McIntyre's at 7:00pm so come on down and buy Todd (and his awesome wife) a beer, a shot, a basket of ribs, whatever! If you haven't been there, it's a rad place and the food is amazing. They've trippled the size of their menu recently, Annie makes the best shots in West Park...if not THE WORLD...AND there's an 80s cover band that night! It's got Todd written all over it! We hopt to see all y'all there!!


Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Velvet glove and an iron fist.

I wish I had it in me to stay up late tonight and request the non-live version of "Iron Curtain Rock" by The Drags on Hot Trash. But I'm flipping exhausted. It's chronic. Just like how awesome I am. Even though I'm not feeling too ultra awesome right at this moment.

I wonder if Glen Danzig tried to sue The Misfits and by "The Misfits", I mean the band girl band rivals of Jem and The Holograms. It seems like something douchey that he'd do. While my love for all things Danzig lives on, I am utterly thrilled that I put a big Easter bow on my tattoo.

But this isn't about Danzig. It's about wanting ALL of the Misfits dolls, including Clash, who BECAME a Hologram if memory serves. Clash? The Misfits? HA!. Clash did have a neon green fur coat. I had her. I never had any of the Misfits. I think Tessa did. And I think I was jealous.

Maybe I'm rambling. I'm pretty sure I am. I'm just not having the most boss of days and blathering is my method of...I don't know. Of feeling like myself. Cause blathering is what I do. And I know not every day can be Halloween. Most days you have to live the day-to-day.

I wish I could take yoga seriously.

Monday, November 02, 2009

She's a runner, rebel, and a stunner.

I'm still on a Halloween high. It's a good place to be.

I was going bananas like a chicken with my head cut off on Halloween. It felt like a PFG show day where I was running on go until my head hit the pillow! First thing in the morning, I was at JoAnn's getting material for my tail and then I cruised to Halloween USA which had been picked CLEAN! I got the last bottle of blood of the Halloween season. It was more like a KEG of blood but thanks to a last minute change up in Aiden's costume (due to weather), the blood went to good use.

Then I hiked out to Akron to see baby Evan James!!! 6 lbs. 15 ounces, 20.5 inches long and God Damn AWESOME. Like Todd, am I not one to shy away from calling a baby ugly if it is. Evan is perfection. I didn't hold him and I wish I would have. On Friday when he was born, I had a slight fever so I waited on visiting him. I didn't want to risk putting my paws all over him. But I will. I will paw that little dude like crazy. He is RAD and both mama and son are doing swell. I love you Jenny Penny!

I got home and got to sewing! Hours and hours and hours of sewing. But it was worth it. The costume came out exactly how I hoped it would. Todd's, too. On the way to my parent's, Todd was really sleepy and off so I was worried this would make for an early evening. But the family function was fun and once we got into the Cleveland Public Theater...it was just a great night. Almost everyone at the party was in costume, the beer was $1, and Zero Boys blew our minds. It was great to see Bob and Stephanie (I'll never get you saying, "What does THIS look like?", out of my mind), Alex, my old pal Paul. But mostly, it was awesome to hang with Tom and Carol. They are fun-havers!

Eventually, T&C decided to switch venues. I thought maybe Todd would want to go with them or head home but I was wrong! He wanted to stay! And we ROCKED OUT! And even when we did get home (circa 2:30ish), we stayed up and watched "Jesus County Fair" which was HEEEEEELARIOUS!! It was by FAR the best Halloween I've had in YEARS, if not the best Halloween EVER! I hope everyone had as good a time as we did.

Now it's back to reality. But I can handle it! It's just fun to be someone/thing else for a short period of time...even if that someone/something else is a squished skunk and a luchador!

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Pumpking faces in the night!


We went to the WSCB Masquerade Ball (after some family fun) with the intention of leaving early. But how could we leave early when we were having SO MUCH FUN??? We hung with awesome people (this means YOU, Erin), in awesome costumes (this means YOU, Stephanie)and listened to awesome bands (this does not mean YOU, Fragments). The beer was cheap, the chill time was rad, and the photographic evidence proves that partying with the cream of the Cleveland crop until 2:00am was one of the best decisions we've made lately. We can hardly wait for Halloween 2010!

Living, breathing skunk.


Spraying my loving luchador.
Yeah. This guy rules.
Luchador, Sharon Tate & Skunk Roadkill at the WCSB par-tay!

Erin (Sharon Tate!!!) and ME!
With my buddy ALEX MURDER!

It has been suggested that this be our X-Mas card this year.

Totally. In. Love.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Can't have no dirty dead.

OH. MY. GOD. I jsut got the most bananas news ever and I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT! It involves the previous news that I ALSO couldn't talk about. But it's pretty awesome. And eventually...some time before January...I can talk about it and I WILL, endlessly. So...person that is forcing me to keep a secret...THANKS! I can't wait. Really. And I think a short silver sequined dress for the occasion. A nice combo of both "pretty" and "tacky trapeze artist".


I get my copy of "Jesus County Fair" today! I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH IT! Being a crazy hillbilly bride and a stripping/vommiting chicken was the most fun I had all summer. YES!

Todd and I made an impromptu visit to Halloween USA yesterday to gather some last minute tidbits for my costume. During some shower shenanigans, I expressed how I sort of wish I had gone the bloody, gross, gorey route instead of trying to be so damn adorable. And POW! Right off the top of his skull, Todd found a ways to make my adorable costume be bloody, gross and gorey! WEEEEEE! I get to go BACK to the Halloween joint and buy FAKE FLIES, GUTS, MAKE-UP and BLOOD!


And since things pretty much seem to be squared away for Halloween, I think we, along with the Shoelanes, are going to end up at the WCSB Masquerade Ball (after my parents Trick-or-Treat shindig). It's a free party and the Zero Boys are playing, along with others that I know nothing about. And I don't know if adult beverages are permitted (help me out with that, Hot Trash). Couldn't gather too much info. I may have to whip out my "What Wouldn't Jesus Do?" flask. What I DO know is that my buddy Erin is one of the DJs for the evening (I'm requesting "Bacon Grease" and "Tastes Like Poison" if you're not going the "spooky only" route) and there is potential for lots of pals to be there.

Since I probably won't blog during the weekend, which starts TODAY with our usual PJs adventure, let me just say the following to all of my boils and ghouls out there...HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEN!!!

This day...anything goes!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tell me, what's the cause of my condition?

This madness shoots me...

The medical mystery has been solved! Thanks to a test the doc threw in right before I walked out the door (I was beginning to think those vampires liked the way my blood smells), I have some answers. Now I can officially tell everyone who yaps their traps, spouting "Oh, you're ALWAYS sick", to take a flying leap. I AM always sick...but now I know there's a reason. And since I'm stuck with this for life, you can keep any negative comments to yourselves.

The virus I can is incredibly common. My doc said that if she tested herself, she'd probably have it. Todd probably has it. YOU probably have it. The difference is that my condition is chronic and becomes reactivated, making me feel lousy and parading itself around like a cold or flu. And it's both weakened my immune system and caused Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. So I have an explaination as to why I'm always sick and why I'm always tired. The virus is clinging to white blood cells in my throat and immune system therefore I can never shake it.

So what CAN I do?

The doctor prescribed me a drug "which MAY help...but it may not". Reassuring! And it would more or less be helping with the fatigue. But $663 a month for the next 4 months?? Get the Hell out of here. Screw you, pharmacy. Screw you, insurance. That's more than my bills combined. So I'm going the old fashioned route.

I was told to get a lot of quality rest (which is easy cause we like to snooze), lower my stress, get more protein/less sugar, and take the appropriate vitamins/minerals for the conditions: A, B complex, C, E, Magnesium, Selenium, Zinc, & Co-Enzyme Q10. And the amounts I need...we're not talking a multi-vitamin here! I'm going to beat my immune system into shape! I may still be susceptible to everyone's germies, but my body is going to be prepared for battle!

So I fulfilled my promise to Todd and we can get on with our lives.

And hopefully our lives don't include the flu!!

...like bullets smashing glass in a silent movie.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I'm not dead and I'm not for sale.

You got a hitch in your giddyup? Let's see if I can fix it.

I've added a new link to the "I'm Stalking" section (a lot of my daily fixes have stopped updating which disturbs me...I still have Erin, thank sweet zombie Jesus). Carol High Hair has a new blog about the ups-n-downs of unemployment. I love Carol and every word that comes out of her mouth...or fingers in this case. I hope she eventually starts adding the awesome pictures that have been entertaining the Facebook masses to the blog because they are really hilarious. So add Unemployment Crafts to your reading list/blog/Google reader/watching list/whatthehellever because it will make you a better person all around. It's increased my awesomeness by 3%.

Todd and I started walking last night. Since we've sort of been out of the exercise game, we started out just cruising around the block. But it's a BIG block. We'll lengthen the distance after awhile. Who knows? Maybe we'll start walking to PJs on Thursdays. At least on the walk home we'll burn off the alcohol and french fries. I'm not a huge fan or walking and I detest people who jog or run. But I said I'd do whatever to help him drop a few lbs. and I'm on a mission to get healthier before any buns are in this oven. But next time, we're leaving Shelby at home. That dog is a MANIAC!

I'm anxiously awaiting a call from Jen to tell me she's gone into labor. Tomorrow is her due date and according to her, baby is being "bullheaded" and doesn't want to come out. Who would? Not that I would rather be spending my time in a uterus...but the world can be seriously sucko sometimes. He's got a warm, squisky waterbed to chill in all day. But he's making his mama miserable (I don't suspect that he will have any sibs) and we all want to meet him so he needs to get a move on. He's probably waiting for Halloween. Smart fella.

That's exactly what I'm waiting for!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Cause I ain't the way you found me!

I can't even believe what I just heard! Many, many minutes have passed and my mind is still completely blown. I promised I wouldn't talk about it. I had to SWEAR because sometimes secrets eat me alive. I'm much better keeping happy, cheerful secrets that I am at keeping horrible, hurty, painful secrets. This one is definitely a keeper...and not just because I swore.

But let it be known that if I COULD talk about it, I WOULD talk about it because I have things to SAY because you're my FRIEND, person who burdened me with a secret. BUT I CAN'T. And I WANT TO! Listen YOU...person who told me said secret...BLAH! It's eating me alive from the uterus out. That should amuse you, no doubt!!!!

Love you!

I like to feed the flies that I know!

We went to Halloween Express and Spirit Halloween store this weekend and I got sooooo pumped! I heart Halloweeeeeeeeen, and not just because I got engaged on it. I've always been a Halloween buff. Every room in our house has a skull or skeleton or something creepy in it all year round. We're creepy people. We're grown adults who dress up and I love it. Halloween as a kid was ALWAYS amazing. My mom sure knew (and STILL knows) how to do it up. There were a few years tucked in there where my holiday was ruined by...life. But life is good and Halloween will be, too. I so declare!!

But one thing that irks me, and several people I've talked to...why are costumes for kids/tweens/teenagers so sleazy?? Why does a 10 year old even have the OPTION of being a slutty Snow White or slutty school girl? Why can't kids just be KIDS anymore? Some kids I know who I still consider LITTLE are all hung up on brand name clothes and having cell phones (seriously...who are you gonna call?) and being mini-thugs! I know it's outside influence but MAN, if I could go back to being a kid for even a few days, I would. Just to play with Legos and Barbies and eat dinner with my family and watch Blossom or Fraggle Rock and get tucked in. I didn't appreciate it at the time.

If our daughter left the house as a slutty ANYTHING...broken legs.

Green Day is on the radio. Makes me think of Erin. Which is nice.

While on the subject of holidays, I can not WAIT to go to Niagara Falls for New Year's with our pals!!! I like the idea of spending the first few days on the year in another country, even if it's only America's hat! And I got our passport applications today which is really flipping cool. It's something I've never had but always wanted. I also found the perfect dress to wear when 2010 rolls in. Oooh and Todd just got a new suit. How fashionable we'll be...for a change! Jim and I were supposed to get Niagara Falls inspired tattoos during a previously planned trip. I was supposed to get the giant fangs in front of Dracula's Castle on Clifton Hill. I think he was getting a spoon. Why do I think that? Well NOW I'm thinking...first tattoos of 2010! AHAHAHAHAHA! YES!


Sunday, October 25, 2009

Please be my partner!

This weekend was exactly what we wanted it to be. Sure, we didn't skip town but we did have boatloads of fun. There was plenty of alone time (we're having some now watching "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia") and plenty of time with good pals. It recharged my batteries a little. To satisfy your appetite for...whatever this nonsense is that I serve...I'll give you some of my favorite weekend pics (YES, I FINALLY took pics when I said I would. GO ME!).

But first...for those worried about my quality of life...

Friday I went to the doctor for my follow-up. All my previous tests were good which didn't really answer why I'm so sick all the time. So she took more blood (the bruise is still there from LAST week), wrote me some scripts to try and boost my immune system and told me to come back in a month. So that's that. Keep taking my viatmins (Todd started me on a nice regimen, even cuts the big pills in half for me like I'm 4), the Lunesta, and the cocktail she's prescibed. We'll see how things are looking next month. It was frustrating to have no answers. But what can I do?

Oh...then there's this. I'm going to start pre-natal vitamins and folic acid. It's been suggested that I can use all the help I can get to prep this machine for a succubus. It's a little freaky but a little exciting. We're not trying until next year but it doesn't hurt to get a jump start. I'm even using some of Jen's advice to "strengthen the uterus for labor". I want Wonder Woman's uterus. Get the sucker out in one push. But that's a ways off. We've got a road trip/cruise in the works that I'm NOT going to miss because someone is dependant upon me! Man, I'm evil.

So, there you have it and here it comes!
PJ Thursday!!

My fellas...and dates every Thursday!

It was a good night.

Buying Todd his 82nd Anniversary card.

Getting the nest ready for date night.

Yeah. I cooked.

From the shop that made our wedding cupcakes.

He loves me...even when I'm greasy from slaving away all day,


Chill Night!

Husband & Wife.

Shelby Nova!

Mama & the baby wolf.

Saturday lunch date.

Life is good.

Suit shopping for Halloween...and for life.

On our way to Dave & Buster's.

1st Over & Unders of the night.

The man, the myth, the Joe!

My oldest friend, TMFK!
2nd Over & Unders!!!
So creepy. And awesome.


The dropped-jaws were just a coincidence.

Sharon D. & ME!

Funny business.


Awwwww shucks.

Bed time!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

And if you bore me, you'll lose your soul to me.

The smutty list needed to start "The Alphabastards" is done. That quickly. One day. And some of the smuttiest, filthiest words came from the cutest, sweetest people. Makes you wonder what's going on in the brains of some of my pals! They can be some pretty sick tickets...and that's what I love them. So...IT BEGINS!

I love, love, love the fact that after having all kinds of dreams about the circus, Phoebe WENT to the circus last night! And she even sent me a video of the trapeze artist that said, "Was that you??". I didn't get it until this morning but it set the pace for a good day. Which is exactly what I plan on having.

I'm going to (photo)document the entire weekend from the moment I walk in the door tonight. It will make for a fun blog next week. We would've been going bananas with the camera if we were heading to Autumnfest as planned. Our newly formed weekend plans are going to be just as rad so why not go bananas with the camera anyway!? And our Powerhouse Saturdat got revamped. We were supposed to go to Rock Bottom and Howl At The Moon but Sharon is a sicko so we're no longer a foursome. I think us 3 Muskateers might head to Dave-n-Buster's instead. Ahhhh...one of my happy places! Anyway...tonight starts it all off with our usual Thursday and a special appearance by Carol High Hair?!?!?! Rad.

And while we're talking rad...

Tessa Marie Faith,

I implore you to PLEASE get excited about Halloween. This is YOUR holiday! You're the QUEEN! You've dressed up every year since birth. We even went Trick-Or-Treating together. It broke my heart to hear you say you were just going to wear a dress and Mardi Gras-esque mask. Now it's DEMOLISHING my already tainted heart to hear you say you're ready to throw in the towel and wear JEANS?!?! You've ALWAYS dressed up and it's always been something va-voom!! I know this year isn't going to be exactly like other years and you won't be hopping from bar-to-bar for costume contests but PLEASE...you will be upset with yourself if you don't dress up somehow! You were always the fearless person who would be dressed up even if no one else would be. Don't let this be the one Halloween that goes down the tubes! Watch "The Worst Witch" and get creepy already! I say this out of love.

Lacey Marie Angela

So I guess that's all for now. See you Monday...with pictures!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Mother! Father! Look at your little monster!

I know the single coolest, most amazing, hilarious, insanely creative and creatively insane people on this planet or any other. I'd challenge anyone who tries to deny that FACT to a fist fight. And I'd win.

I have a new series of paintings in the work based on each letter of the alphabet and its correspondance to a smutty word! I asked for suggestions as I was looking for things beyond "P is for Penis" and more like "W is for Whisker Biscuit". These people, my friends, are REALLY rallying with the suggestions. Some have been so hilariously vile that I thought I would throw up in my mouth while simultaneously wetting my drawers in hysterics. How will I paint "The Alphabastards" without going bananas? I guess bananas is a good place to go!

I'm in such a wildly good mood. Smile plastered on my face kinda mood. Silly. I guess that's a good way to describe it. I feel goofy! I'm so excited for this weekend and all the fun we've managed to sandwich in (PJ Thursday, Chill Night Friday, Powerhouse Saturday, Touchdown Sunday). It's just the right amount of out and about and kicking it homestyle. I'm also so excited for a friend of ours who is starting a new life. She's fun to be around, always up for a good time, and deserves good things to come her way. And I'm excited for Jen who was 1 centimeter dilated last week and crossing fingers for a big 3 tomorrow! I know she's mierable and would rather have the little dude out and rather than hope for a Halloween birthday. And I'm excted about "The Alphabastards", ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I need to keep focusing on the little things that make life fun. Going and doing and panning and spending and travelling and recovering and being on go-go-go-go all the time isn't all that's awesome and exciting in life. Eating dinner at home with Todd and then watching movies in a nest rocks. Planning to make a baby blanket out of old concert t-shirts for Evan (come on already, buddy!) is fun. A brand new sketch book and fresh pencils is top notch.

Having friends that say "L is for Lady Gravy" is pretty sweet, too.



Yessssss! STILL GOOD!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Such a pretty face but she's not regretful.

Man, I hope someone watched 'How I Met Your Mother' last night.


I look cute today. Is that wrong to say outloud? I don't give a fig. I guess at least I'm being honest. Brutal honesty is my new thang so, besides the hideous purple and green bruise on the top of my hand, I look cute. And I feel cute. The last few days I've felt very much like a non-adorable zombie or some other sort of animated corpse that was going through the scripted motions. Today, I'm back to being me, all awesome and adorable. And God BLESS Lunesta! I don't care if there have been reported cases of people driving and eating and making phone calls with no recollection!

Grrrrrr. It looks like Autumnfest might be scratched from our weekend which makes me feel like... OK, sorry for the interruption. After reporting to Todd that Autumnfest doesn't looks like it's in the cards (sniff), he first said he'd scratch up the rest of the money. When i told him that wasn't necessary, he said we need to come up with somewhere else to go on the cheap (he's feeding my need for a road trip). And after I said that was really unnecessary, he said he wants "an alone romantic weekend". So we're both digging through our brains and resources to put a rad weekend together...together. I'm not so "grrrrrrr" about missing out on Autumnfest anymore. There's a solid Skunk-n-Weasel weekend in the works...and actually, the plan is SET! From the time he gets off work on Friday until we go to bed Sunday, planned-n-awesome. PUMPED!

Phoebe had another circus sideshow dream! This time I wasn't alone with an elephant. Todd was the ringmaster and I was still doing all my trapeze business. I like that even in other people's dreams, we're together, being awesome. But what IS going on in Bizzle's brain??? I told her to pretend the trapeze artist is shacking up with the ringmaster while she's at the actual circus this week. She's smart enough to assume they aren't as cool as Todd and I would be if it were OUR circus. Maybe these dreams are trying to tell her that we're all unhappy with the working wolrd and need to start a circus! How RAD! How unfathomably RAD!

Begin random blather...NOW!

I pulled all my acrylic wedding nails off. They're not for me. I am craaaaaaazy good with chopsticks and wish I had some Japanese non-sushi food right now. Karen is ready to start Pussyfootin' again. I hope Sarah is seriously interested. Carol and I had a funny convo about Tequila. I compared my relationship with it to Romeo & Juliet. I wish it was Thursday already. The weekend is so chock full of awesomeness that I'm antsy. Todd just reminded me that I love Nancy Grace. She's a bitch but she is ALWAYS prepared.

'Nuff said.

Monday, October 19, 2009

I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert.

It's hard to tell the truth sometimes. To just open yourself up and spill your guts on the pavement, no matter who you're spilling them to. It makes you hurt in places you didn't know could hurt. But it hurts worse to hold things inside and bury them deeply. I assume there are deeply buried tumors filled with nothign but hurt. Life is hard. I miss when life was easy and all you had to worry about was if your mommy put a treat in your lunch bag and hoping you could stay up all night at the slumber party. She always did and I always could so life was good. Simple. I could go for a big scoop of that right about now. Luckily, Phoebe helped make a long list of things that are awesome (in my humble opinion) so that is helping me with my upside down frown.

SPEAKING of "Upside Down Frown"...

They Might Be Giants blew my mind right outta my head! Yes, they played the ENTIRE "Flood" album, as promised, but they also played 'James K. Polk', 'Shoehorn With Teeth', 'Here Come The Elements', 'The Sun Is A Mass...', 'The Sun Is a Miasma', 'Shooting Star', 'We're The Mesopotamians'...and I'm SURE I'm forgetting a few others but weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I loved every minute of it. I loved having Todd's fingers in my belt loops. I loved seeing my sister have such a great time. I loved buying a t-shirt. I loved it all. I think it was the 10th time I've seen them and it was by far the best. And I'm not just saying that because there were sock puppets wearing coffee cups for hats! Happy 20th Anniversary, They!

And Happy 1 Month Anniversary to us. I got theeeeee most beautiful flowers for Sweetest Day (I don't care if it's a made up holiday...Todd could have said they were for "Non-Aplicator Tampon Day" and I could have loved them all the same). They are enormous lillies and they were this orangey-red-alienesque color. It was a nice surprise. I want to wear one in my hair. Maybe I will on the way to Autumnfest.

Before we hit the road on Friday, I have to pop by the doc and get my test results. So I had my physical, which wasn't very physical at all. It was basically just a buncha bleeding. I gave my mile long list of illnesses with a star next to what I've had this year alone. She's running a whole kajigger of tests to pinpoint the problem...didn't take enough blood from my arm to get the info she needed so we had to resort to the hand. Stupid tattoos and their vein-hiding properties! She gave me a boatload of samples for Lunesta which has been working GREAT so far but I thought it was odd she's give it to me since I told her I both have athsma and will be trying to get pregnant. Whatever. If baby has three arms, it'll be more useful! So my shotty immune system was discussed, my sleeping issues are temporarily covered, and on Friday, we'll hopefully be on track for any future baby-making. And the pneumonia vaccine? Check! And ouch! So there you have it. Friday we'll know why my body hates me.

I guess that's it. I covered my weird mood, the show, the doctor, getting flowers. Throw in "Ugly Betty season 3" and chicken paprikash and I think we're got everything covered...for now.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Don't let the fire rush to your head!

Songs by The Alan Parsons Project make me uncomfortable and creeped out for an unexplainable reason. I can't listen to them when I'm alone. Or at night. Or when lost in the car. Or if it's raining. Or I've got my period. Or when I'm angry, sad, or on the verge of angry or sad tears.


NOTE TO SELF: No time is a good time for Alan Parsons Project.

Phoebe had a dream last night that I was a circus performer. I was a trapeze artist and did some sort of flip landing on an elephant's head in a "TA-DA" sort of way. That's exactly how it was described to me. TA-DA! What I was wearing wasn't described to me but I have to believe it was a sickening explosion of glitter and sequins topped off by a head full of feather and face full of lashes. She said I seemed right at home in the dream. I imagine I would be. Circus Performer would be a dream job. Running off to Coney Island isn't an option.

But PFG is! And there are 2 gals interested. Time to rally.

So some unexpected radness developed today and we're pumped as we usually are abotu all things rad. Jim is gathering up a bunch of the coolest couples in town to go to Niagara Falls for New Year's Eve. Anyone who knows me knows I love it there. And anyone who knows me knows the last time I went there was...odd. When I presented the opportunity to Todd, we were IN! We need to wrangle up some passports but we needed those anyway since we plan to travel the world (I just learned about this on the honeymoon but I'm SO up for it). Ringing in 2010 at The Falls with my pals...while possibly wearing a bright blue wig...sounds ideal. And rad!

The NEW Countdown That Is My Life!
1 day until They Might Be Giants!
8 days until our Autumnfest weekender!
13 days until Jen's spawn is due!
16 days until Halloween!
23 days until Todd's birthday!
36 days until "New Moon" opens!
55 days until Los Straitjackes!
71 days until the 1st X-Mas I've ever been excited about!
77 days until NYE in Niagara Falls!
115 days until my 31st birthday!
165 days until our 2 year (dating) anniversary!
179 days until Key West & Cozumel!
229 days until Heavy Rebel!

We'll be back after these words from out sponsor.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Until I get it I can't breathe.

So I made a deal with Todd that as soon as the wedding was over I would make an appointment with an ACTUAL doctor (one that I could go to every time I am sick...so we should be great friends in the next few months, blech) to get all of my health issues under control. 30 years of constantly being sick has taken it's toll on me and those around me and my husband doesn't want me to die at an early age. He already knows that unlike some women who want their widowed husbands to move on and date again, I want him to mourn my zombie bones for eternity. My aunt recommended a doc, I kept my word and I have a date with her on Thursday to:

-discuss my lifetime of illness (Pneumonia 5 or 6 times, once resulting in broken ribs...and that's just the tip of the iceberg) and see if I have some sort of compromised immune system. There has to be some sort of drug therapy that can stop me from catching what everyone else has. There HAS to be.

-see what can be done about my neverending sleeplessness because I'm becoming immune to the over-the-counter remedies and I don't believe in any of the hippie-ish methods like deep breathing and herbs. The less sleep I get, the more likely I am to rip your heart out with my hands.

-start preparing this body for the 40 week task of growing a little monster inside. Some time next year, we want to cook up a lil' skunk or weasel and I want to be in tip-top condition before that happens or I'll never bounce back! I know how slowly I recover and there's no time to recover when another person depends on you to, well, exist.

So it's on. Hopefully there's nothing fishy going on.

What else is on the menu?

Halloween! My costume is going to be both comfortable and rad and I'm going bananas with anticipation! We got engaged on Halloween (I still count it as Halloween even if it was after midnight) so it's pretty cool that 1 year later, we're hitched! We're going to my parents' annual Trick-or-Treat par-tay and then hanging with The Shoe-Lanes. I'm not sure what we'll be up to but whatever it is...I will be in costume! I've decided that sexy costumes are out, and comfort is KEY! In addition to my costume's awesomness, I can bowl in it, watch a movie in it, go to a bar in it, whatever I want! And I'll be just ADORABLE!!! Sorry...I'm just really pumped for the holidays this year! Who knew?

I had recently been commenting on how a lot of my pals were down-n-out and bummed and blue and I how I was useless as far as helping them out of their slumps. Well, I've recently realized that a lot of my friends are totally bananas in LOVE these days! So hooray for those guys! Especially Erin and Josh...I'm totally their "get married NOW" cheerleader. I know 3 separate couples that are getting married around Halloween next year and Lord KNOWS at least 2 of those events are going to be a rockin' good time!!! I love me a wedding!

Next up: deciding if I want to start nursing school in the spring!

I'm in a good mood. Good things are ahead!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Won't you please fawn over me?


And now that THAT is out of my system...

The beginning portion of the weekend was icky. Icky for Todd, me, my bestie, and all the people I had to cancel the Friday hangout on. Yeah, the first part of the weekend stunk...like someone had tossed their cookies...because someone had. But things shaped up and yesterday was a totally blissful day. I made veggie soup and Halloween cupcakes, we played board games and watched football (and How I Met Your Mother...best show on TV), and we just kicked it married-life style. The only thing that was missing from my domestic awesomeness was an adorable apron!

OOH! The subject of putting a bun in the oven came up! Out of nowhere! And it wasn't brought up my me! It was a little surprising but also kind of fun to talk about. It was more or less a "when do you wanna try" kind of discussion that centered around not wanting X-Mas offspring because they get screwed out of rad birthdays. Who can compete with the birth of Jesus...or whatever...? Regardless...I know that when a little skunk or weasel comes into the picture some of my friends will disappear. That's disappointing but it's also lame. Love us, love our evil spawn, that's what I say!!!

"Zombieland" was amazing in a sense that is was gross, hilarious, and cool all wrapped into one. Seeing it with Tessa was a major perk. That girl knows me, and I like it! I also like when I order a beer and there are fresh blueberries floating in it. Neat!! But while the movie, the food/bevvies, and Tessa were all awesome...the fact that Sno-Caps have not been sold at the last 2 movie theaters I've been to is a bummer. Who do you think you are Cinemark and Regal Cinemas?? I cleaned out what Giant Eagle had in stock in order to prepare myself for our next movie adventure. So if you haven't seen "Zombieland", go see it. Twice. And bring your own Sno-Caps.

Also on the topic of zombies...

I wish I could have gone to Monroeville Mall yesterday to celebrate World Zombie Day as I dub myself a zombie a lot of the time. It's the largest gathering of zombies in the world and "Dawn Of The Dead" was shot there. My friend Alex (from Cult Of The Psychic Fetus who were performing yesterday) even took a shot of a sign at the mall stating that fact. Sigh. I wasn't the only one who missed out so I don't feel too sore about it. Next year I will make up for everything I missed this year...Heavy Rebel, Road Rash Bash, World Zombie Day. Hooray for 2010!

And with that, I say...Stinson OUT!

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Life has new meaning to me.

I haven't blogged about anything but wedding nonsense for so long! For anyone following along, I posted the final sections, Reception & Honeymoon, but my favorite pictures will be added to them tomorrow, so check back! If you care, that is. If not, go kick rocks, suckah! So...now that I'm all hitched (20 days and counting, y'all), I can get back to talking shit and wrecking things, which I'm sure is how you prefer me. Moving right along, footloose and fancy free!

If you want to be in a REALLY good mood and start your day off right...or if you have kids that you want to listen to quality music and NOT have "Stanky Leg" as a favorite song like some kids I know (kids too young to be listening to that trash)...then listen to "Triops Has Three Eyes" by They Might Be Giants! It made me so happy on the ride home last night that I listened to it before I went to bed and again on the ride to work. "Here Come The 1 2 3s" might not be the best out of the 4 They Might Be Giants childrens albums, but that song is so happy...without being annoying...and oddly soothing, but not sleepy. Give it a try. If it works, you can thank me. If it doesn't, I'll give you a nickle (which really helps me because I have an irrational hatred of nickles).

Todd and I are going to Autumnfest in PA soon. I'm really pumped because autumn is my favorite season and I love all that goes along with it: hoodies, pumpkins (and pumpkin related foods like pie and roll), cider, leaves, fires, Halloween...all that jazz. And all that jazz will be going down at Autumnfest. Tons of food, beer, stuff to see and do, musicians, Circus performers, pure awesomeness. And we've been to this spot in PA before. Some of my favorite pics of us are from this spot. Todd's super psyched. I love when we're both into doing something. Makes it more rad. Plus I've been dying to go on a lengthy car ride...especially since my new I-pod is STOCKED! 3 hours rockin' out in the car with my husband. F-U-N!!!

Speaking of fun, I think the weekend will be pretty solid. It's Thursday so of course we'll be where we always are. I love Thursdays. I love knowing we'll at least get out of the house 1 day a week. Not that I don't love our house. It's rad. Moving on. Friday I get to catch up on all the shows I taped this week and then we're having some pals over to just chiiiiiill and get CHILLY! Our margarita machine makes thee most intense and amazing frozen drinks! Saturday we get to be lazy which is nice. Then we'll truck on out to Jen's Halloween party...unless the baby comes first! I'm ready for that baby!!! Then Sunday...it's typically a lazy day. Football if it's on. We finally got a rad grill so maybe we'll do a little grilling. Just take it easy before the work week punches us in the eyesockets. I'm psyched about this weekend. I'm psyched about a lot of things.

Like my next project: turning the basement back into a chill spot!

I feel like I've been talking forever. Oh well. You know what? I'm worried about some of my friends. Several of them seem to be going through tough times right now. And varying levels and degress of "tough". And I can't help any of them. I hate that. I hope things get straightened our with their relationships, employment, whatever it is. I hate to see my pals not acting like themselves and not being treated the way they deserve to be. And now I'm done being nice...because...well...is it wrong that 2 things that have recently happened to the person I hate most in the world really made me chuckle?? Believe me, if you knew this sorry excuse for a human being (and some of you readers do!), you'd chuckle to! Won't you join me??


Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Will the planes ever collide?



I woke up early and showered. I didn't feel so hot. It wasn't a hangover by any means. It was a combination of adrenaline still pumping and a rush of concern over the fact that I FORGOT WE NEEDED OUR BIRTH CERTIFICATES TO GET ON THE SHIP!!! I was not going to be able to relax until we had them in hand. I was in a panic! How could I plan everything so perfectly and forget birth certificates?? My new in-laws picked us up downtown and drove us home where we dropped off old luggage and gifts and picked up new luggage...and birth ceritifcates!!!! WHEW! Said goodbye to the pets, reloaded the car and were off!

I love, love, love airports. I love knowing I'm going somewhere else. I love buying trashy magazines and snacks. And we got there at a perfect time! We breezed through check-in, security, bought US, People and some Flips, got on the plane, fell asleep on the plane, and woke up in Ft. Lauderdale. Getting on the boat was just as smooth!!! But the rest is a blur! We got in our cabin (rad), napped, went to a meeting about what to do if we're sinking, went back to our cabin (still rad) and slept the night away! We didn't even go to dinner!!

The next morning we woke up refreshed and in Key West! We had breakfast and got off the ship! Went to the Southern Most Point of the U.S., toured Hemmingway's house, saw the lighthouse, saw the oldest house in Key West, saw the tattoo parlor (ha!), and hit many bars, including the pirate bar where we had lunch. We napped before dinner and then chowed down! Basically, you can assume that any day we got OFF the boat, we got back on, napped, went to dinner, chowed down, had a drink, and went to bed. We never made it past 9:30pm!!!! Days when we STAYED on the ship, you an assume there was plenty more drinking, gambling, swimming, hot tubbing and fun.

It was raining when we got to Grand Cayman. We still walked around but we cancelled our beach excursion. Eventually we were fed up and returned to the boat. Screw you, Grand Cayman! But we made up for it on the boat. SO many daquiris. My brain is still frozen. I said I was going to wear bikinis and drink umbrella drinks and I DID!! We fared better in Jamaica. We went to Dolphin Cove and swam with 8 foot Nurse sharks and sting rays. Todd thought they felt like slippery pancakes. So cute! We sampled Jamaican rum, walked the trails and saw colorful birds and HUGE spiders, took pictures of dolphins and iguanas and we were off to Dunn's River Falls. We climbed the waterfall...took about an hour. It WAS beautiful but the climb was not my thing. Todd liked it so it wasn't a waste. It was something we can say we did. We climbed a famous waterfall top to bottom!!

Maybe it doesn't sounds like we did a lot but we DID! That's why we had to nap AND go to bed early every day. We were exhausted! But rest assured, my $300 in Victoria's Secret swag did not go to waste! Enough smut. The last day WAS kind of fun eventhough it was sad. We got a bucket of beers, a daquiri and a Mai Tai and brought them back to our room while I packed. We had a good time at a dinner with our table pals. We swam one last time. We hot tubbed one last time. We got our money's worth and I would definitely saw it was exactly what a honeymoon should be! And it continued when we got home! As I previously blogged, we slept in, there were tattoos, friends came over, we went to Sushi Rock with T&C, a new kitchen floor was put in...there was a lot of fun once we came back to Cleveland. And our 1st PJ Thursday as married people? HA HA HA HA! AWESOME! I can't even tak about it. Too ridiculous.

So you've heard it all. We got married and we honeymooned! Now we're knee-deep into our life together. Sure, it doesn't really feel different. From the 1st day he came over, he never left. We've spent minimal time apart during our entire relationship. So it felt like we were already married...that's what Rocko kept saying, too. But it has been fun to throw around "wife" and "husband" and be called "Mrs. Gansert". I felt a little down early this week...like I was crashed. Jen said it was probably postwedding depression...much like the postpartum depression she's been studying up on. She said I need to think positive thoughts like "now we can make babies!!!!" but quickly retracted and said I probably need something less stressful right now like "I'm a wife and can do wife things like make cupcakes in a cute apron!!!". After a rest, I'd like to both. Possibly simulatenously! Thanks for reading. You're officially free! The wedding/honeymoon are done. TIME TO START LIVIN'!