Thursday, February 24, 2011

The streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see.

"I can't wait to walk hand in hand with you on the streets of NYC" - Weasel text.

I. CAN'T. WAIT. EITHER. BABY. I feel like I need to buy some hats. New York City seems like the kind of place where you should wear hats. Like I've said, I've been there but it was usually with a guy who was a total nightmare, zero dollars to do anything with, and just a generally bad disposition. Though I did once go to Pickliscious Pickle-On-a-Stick, which doesn't seem to be in business anymore.


This time around, I'm going with people I'm bananas about and we're going to do awesome shtuff! One day, we're having "Museum Day" and going to MoMA, The Natural History Museum, Madam Tussaud's Wax Museum, The Museum of Sex, and the Central Park Zoo. That sounds like a great effing day (especially if it includes a hot dog from a street vendor or a deli pickle)! This day also includes me having a  moment outside of Tiffany's. What could be better?

And I'm totally enjoying the fact that if anyone asks me what I did on Easter, I can say, "I had a lovely brunch with friends in New York City". Hopefully that isn't followed with, "And then we got mugged by some total hooligans at gun point and I wet my pants". I'm hoping a pregnant person isn't a large (no pun intended...I can button my pants again, after all) target for crime. Even though I'll be 23 weeks then, I WILL kick-ass if need be.

Kicking Ass in New York City. Sounds like a movie staring Kurt Russell.

You called me last night on the telephone.
And I was glad to hear from you 'cause I was all alone.
You said, "It's snowing, it's snowing! God, I hate this weather."
Now I walk through blizzards just to get us back together

We met in the springtime at a rock-and-roll show.
It was on the Bowery when it was time to go.
We kissed on the subway in the middle of the night.
I held your hand, you held mine, it was the best night of my life.

'Cause everyone's your friend in New York City!
And everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty!
The streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see.
But the best thing about New York City is you and me!

Statue of Liberty, Staten Island Ferry, Co-op City, Katz's and Tiffany's!
Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge, The Empire State where Dylan lived!
Coney Island and Times Square, Rockefeller Center!
Wish I was there!

You wrote me a letter just the other day.
Said, "Springtime is coming soon so why don't you come to stay."
I packed my stuff, got on the bus, I can't believe it's true.
I'm three days from New York City and I'm three days from you.

'Cause everyone's my friend in New York City!
And everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty!
The streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see.
But the best thing about New York City is you and me!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I don't even know what you're thinking. Don't even know what you're drinking but it keeps this Heaven alive.

I think I'm having an allergic reaction to Chlorine which is super awesome because to the outside world, it could appear that I am either cracked out or have mites. Both scenarios are exactly how I want to be seen by the world.

In more exciting and less skin-shreddingly itchy news, I think we're going to New York City for a long weekend in April! Now I've been to NYC many a time but never had what people would call "a blast". And I've never seen the sites! Empire State Building, Ground Zero, Brooklyn Bridge, Statue of Liberty, the MET, etc. I DID see Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore pushing Coco in a stroller...and I saw Nicole Kidman getting into a limo. Regardless...

So this time around, it's all about being touristy and seeing how many ridiculous photos we can take. This trip won't revolve around drinking and bar life so the pregnant broad won't be odd man out. The only things on my personal Road Trip To-Do List are (possibly) see the Addams Family musical, eat at The Jekyll and Hyde Club, get my picture outside Le Bernadin and Parsons, and load up on Presidente to bring back for post-pregnancy!

We have an EXCELLENT tour guide (hooray for John Jackson!) and neither Sharon nor Todd have been to NYC. I love going to new places with Todd. As we were boarding the airplane for our honeymoon, he said we needed to get passports because "...we're totally going to travel the world together". This may be our last adventure together for awhile and it's going to be amazing.


And HEY, what's today?? It's Becky's 40th Birthday!!! Becky kept my head above water, kept me ALIVE, for many years. Anything that I have and everything that I am (the non-scummy parts, at least) I owe to her. I can't possibly put into words how much I appreciate her friendship. So HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS, my friend! I hope someone wraps up the world and gives it to you today!

Friday, February 18, 2011

So I stayed in the darkness with you.

01 - A picture of yourself (with 15 facts about you...but you know enough about me).

02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

04 - A picture of your night.

05 - A picture of something you miss.

06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

07 - A picture of your most treasured item.

08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

10 - A picture of the person you do the craziest things with.

11 - A picture of something you hate.

12 - A picture of something you love.

13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.

17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

19 - A picture and a letter - um...I don't get picture.

20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel. *Guam*

21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.

22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.

23 - A picture of your favorite book.

24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.

25 - A picture of your day.

26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.

29 - A picture that can always make you smile.

30 - A picture of someone you miss.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Welcome to your life. There's no turning back.

Let's add Miley Cyrus and Kesha to the list of people I want to punch. Thanks.

Now on a less violent note...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, Y'ALL!

I like Valentine's Day. I'm not one of those people who drones on and on about how stupid it is and how they can't wait for it to be over. I like the pink and red and the cookies and flowers and silly cards and bad stuffed animals. Even when I haven't been in a relationship, I've liked the concept and always had a friend as a Valentine. Sure, you don't (and shouldn't) NEED a day to tell the people you care about how you feel. but it's still nice to hear. And nice is nice.

I slaved away on my day off making Todd cookies and brownies and got him a card letting him know that if we were in prison, I'd totally shiv someone on his behalf, which is true. It felt good just to go the extra mile to let him know I think he's aces. He took me to see an impromptu movie (we NEVER see comedies in the theater so it was a TREAT) and we watched Futurama in bed afterwards. It was just what Valentine's Day (even if we celebrated a day early) should be. Lowkey yet awesome. Lots of hand holding.

So Happy Valentine's Day, y'all. If I happen to hate you, you get a free pass today. Take advantage of it. This kind of generosity only comes once a year. If I happen to LURVE you, then I hope you have a down right great day. And to my other Valentine, Lady Gaga, I really can not wait to go home and watch your nasty self hatch out of an egg. I love you more and more every day!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

When I, you, and everyone we knew could believe, do, and share in what was true.

Last night I was in a GIANT bed in a swanky New York hotel room with Nathan Lane and the hybrid drag queen, Acid Betty (as seen on Project Runway season 5).  We were having  serious "girl talk". At some point, I also peed on a radiator that was in one of those department store revolving doors and I was only wearing a robe and diamonds.

I'm blaming all of my weird dreams on pregnancy.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

You're there sucking on a lollipop like you haven't aged a day!

As of yesterday, I am 32 and I feel pretty good about it.

I am a big fan of my birthday. Always have been. This year, my birthday has been kind of low-key. Probably the first year in a decade that the celebration won't involve jello shots and live bands, and that's alright. There's still been plenty of worth-while recognition of the big 3-2.

Tessa took me to Olive Garden Friday night where we gabbed and stuffed.

My family birthday party was Saturday but it was kind of mucked up due to snow and one of my sisters and her family had to miss out. Bummer. I got a super cool baby book that is all about birthdays which I'm psyched about and a stuffed Lowly Worm! I was told it's for the monster but we'll see about that. My parents gave me  a super soft baby blanket and The Complete Idiot's Guide to Teaching a Baby Sign Language - I collect Idiot's Guides AND I took American Sign Language In College. And I pocketed some cash...

...which I spent every last dime of the next morning! I got a Finn t-shirt, new royal blue (or maybe aqua) Converse, Top Chef DC, socks, drawers, and a few roomier t-shirts and old man cardigans for my expanding guts! SCORE!

Yesterday, on my actual birthday, I woke up to cinnamon rolls and a card from my husband and stepson. It was sweet but I felt off all day. People wished me Happy Birthday at work and I got a gazillion Facebook messages (nothing means anything if it's not on Facebook) but it just felt like...Monday. I guess I had the birthday blues. I came home to an empty house and put myself to bed with a headache.

I awoke to the Jaws theme as a GIANT stuffed shark was swimming towards me. It was a Pillow Pet! Yep, I'm a 32 year old pregnant woman who got a pillow pet for my birthday.  Todd said since (due to his new work schedule) he'll be coming to bed after I'm asleep, I needed a substitute snuggler. Enter shark Pillow Pet. I bet he didn't bank on me snuggling it all night and totally ignoring him. I couldn't help it. So sofffffffft. So comforting. My husband loves me.

He also got me DC Villian skate shoes which I LOVE! Bright blue is my new thang.

Tonight, we're going to my favorite restaurant,  Benihana, to rock the chopsticks with Tom, Carol and Ben, which I am SO looking forward to. For some reason, I bawled the entire way to more Florence and the Machine until this baby is born! The remedy for musically induced sobs is good food with good friends. It's a mighty fine was to wrap up a lowkey birthday, if I do say so myself.

Off topic but NOT off topic...R.I.P. Tura Satana. Sorry, but you're just another cool person to fall victim to the wrath of my birthday. Horrible things tend to happen mere days before February 7th rolls around...Big Bopper, Richie Valens & Buddy Holly's plane crashes, The Beatles release "Hey Jude", Patty Hearst was kidnapped, Sid Viscious OD'd, Falco got hit by a bus (we'll never hear "Rock Me, Amedeus" again), Lux Interior croaked, and now, Tura has met her demise. It's a curse.


Wednesday, February 02, 2011

All this time, how could you not know, baby?

It's February. The month of LOVE. So I'm going to rant about some things that I hate because I LOVE to do that. But before I go getting all nutso about things that really don't matter in the long run, I want to say this...which goes along with February's feeling of love in a more loving way:


3 of my nephew's friends were in a horrific car crash on Monday night and things are not looking good for the two young passengers. You may have seem it on the news. Despite the circumstances and despite people's nasty opinions, I hope they all make it. 15 is too young to die from head injuries cause by a car crash that didn't need to happen. They haven't even lived yet.'s time for ME to be negative!!!

Kat Von D, I hate you and your ugly face. I hate the way you talk, the things you say, the way you dress. I admit, you've got INSANE talent. But I also think you're insane. And the more I read about you, the more I'm embarrassed that I ever watched your show. Blech.

And this is going to sound super juvenile and ridiculous and like something that shouldn't even be commented on. But I recently saw the pictures from W Magazine that Kim Kardashian is going all bananas about...and yeah, Kim Kardashian's ass is DISGUSTING. I never thought twice about it when it was clothed because, hey, I have a big ass and I like it. I like curves. I don't want to look like a little boy. But her naked ass? REPULSIVE. I actually covered my eyes and had to look through my fingers. Blech.

I hate radio country. A LOT. Especially "Red Neck Woman" type stuff. Blech.

I guess that's all I've got. Needed to spew a little hate so you didn't think I was getting wishy washy on you! And OH, incase you don't read 1313 Mockingbird Lane, welcome to the world Vincent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!