Sunday, January 31, 2010

I was planning to say I was in love with her.

I might officially be "old".

I've been running on go all weekend and oh my golly, I'm spent. Period. I think we both are. I have never been so happy to just be all cuddled in my couch nest watching America's Next Top Model (Katarzyna was robbed if you ask me). We went to Now That's Class last night and I couldn't wait to just get my snooze on. No amount of beer and socializing and rocking out could compare to watching bad television in my pajamas with my adorable husband.

Oh, and I found 2 gray hairs. Time to dye.

I plan to make up for last night's overdose of blah on my part at my birthday party next week. But I wasn't blah ALL weekend. I had a lovely...yes, I said "lovely" like an old person would...Friday with Todd. We had lunch and then hit the history and art museums. Who knew museums could make a person so frisky!?! We stopped in the Happy Dog and then hung at Panini's for awhile. We just talked and flirted and enjoyed each other. And all the goodness continued at home with ice-cream and Law and Order: SVU. I give Friday a major high-five!!

And Saturday wasn't half bad either! It got off to a slow start...probably due to my being all oldish this weekend. We hit a bar in North Royalton to drop off my NASCAR fantasy team. Say what you go fast and there are crashes! KA-BOOM! People get injured, they burst into flames, they die. This isn't happening on the baseball diamond. Then we went to Benihana where I rocked the chopsticks! We made a big decision was sweet and I'm excited. It means not going on our tropical vacation but I don't think Florida and Mexico are going anywhere.

You know...I don't think I'm old after all. I did a lot of cool stuff and felt alive. I can't just throw in the towel because I found a few gray hairs (my own fault...I haven't seen my natural color since my Sophomore year of high school, what did I expect?) and wanted to turn in early. And there's nothing wrong with getting older...most young people are total jerkoffs. I do NOT miss my early twenties AT ALL. Life is good. I'm in a good place. A happy place. I make voodoo dolls and tables out of mannequin legs for crying out loud! I LOVE MY LIFE. I just love it so much that it wears me the Hell out!

I think ice cream for breakfast is in order.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Taking it with her wherever she goes!

Good news! Not only did I make my last payment on a healthy bill I've been paying off for the last year, but our art show at 252 Tattoos in Cleveland is a-go! The lovely Little Jen set it up and it will be a showcase of art and handmade goods made by some of thie most awesome chicks I know!! I'm going to focus on 3 areas:

1. MANNEQUIN PARTS. Todd found a place that sells random used parts incredibly cheap and incredibly close to both my house AND Pat Catan's (a.k.a. my happy place)! We have a few ideas for the hands, maybe a severed head or 2, and I for SURE want to make tables out of the legs. Of course I'm worried that they won't come out the way I envision them in my head but I can try. And with Todd manning the powertools and running the construction end of things, I'm pumped to have something we can work on together.

2. THE ALPHABASTARDS. I've been talking about doing this for awhile (someone else may have given me the idea but I'm adding my spin and taking it to an entirely new level). These will end up being smaller "paintings" centered around letters of the alphabet standing for smutty words, phrases, etc. For example, my first shot will be "F is for Fur Burger and Fish Taco". Another suggestion was "L is for Lady Gravy". And I say "painting" because, yes, they will be painted, but I'm going to encorporate other materials...fabrics, glitter, embelishments. They're going to be more 3-D than past paintings I've done. Overall, I think they will be hilarious...and a lot of work.

3. AS YET UN-NAMED VOODOO DOLLS. Using Plushforms may seem like a cop-out but they are PERFECT for making adorable voodoo dolls pierced with ginormous pins! I want to TRY and make 10 voodoo dolls with various themes but like the mannequin parts, I'm not sure if what I see in my head will end up coming to life. I like the idea of sewing little clothes and adding details to bring them to life. Doing something like this gives me more options and let's me being creative is a way that's different than painting. I still need a clever name for them. That's where my creativity stops.

So as of right now, it looks like the show will be at the end of June or some time in July. Which means I have to start working NOW. I was rushing where Cannibalicious! was concerned. I don't want to be as bananas as I was the last month of prepping for that. Granted, that was a solo show and this isn't. There was more pressure on me last time. Little Jen and Erin will have all their awesome stuff, too...and whichever other tattooed chicks confirm (tattoos, art and vaginas are what tie this show together) I am P-U-M-P-E-D.

More details as the show developes.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Carrying a head full of evil thoughts.

It's a fact: I have poor decision making skills. I can go back and forth and back and forth eleventy billion times and still not make a decision. OR...I'll make a decision and be utterly miserable with it. OR...I'll make a decision and change my mind 10 minutes later. Sometimes my lackluster decision making skills bring me to tears.

And it's ALWAYS over something stupid. I think the last time I felt this indecisive was when we had free tickets to Monsters game. Part of me really want to stay home and part of me wanted to go. I went and was a total sourpuss the entire time. Regardless, I'm having a hard time making a decision and wish someone would make it for me.

A or B. Pick one.

And this isn't like Sophie's Choice so don't sweat it.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Steal a car. Hijack a plane.

I'm beat, head to toe, so just let me say this:

1. I had my first workout on Friday morning. I woke up late so with teeth and hair unbrushed and deoderant skipped over, I went and I busted my ass. I was dripping sweat and felt every muscle group I had going bananas. I'm sure I didn't make a lot of friends because you could smell how hard I was working. I know, I'm gross. I felt so good...and a little nauseated...after I left. I did it. I went to my first workout and as I've said, I think getting started was the hardest part. Tomorrow I start my regular workout schedule...3 hardcore days a week at the gym, 3 more aerobic days a week here, and one day of rest, not to mention my (our) eating habits are getting a makeover tomorrow. I'm going to enjoy every pie of that piece of apple pie that's waiting for me!

2. Kalahari was AMAZING.  We got on the road early and were blown away the second we pulled in the parking lot! You should have seen my eyes fall out in the lobby! It was a really amazing place. Our room was beyond awesome and the park? Hot dog. We made the most of every second, stopping only for a quick dinner. And it was NOT just fun for the kiddies...we had a blast. Todd and I spent time in the wave pool, on water slides, in the lazy river (I got a workout pulling him around in an intertube for 4 laps)...and let's be honest...we spent some serious time at the swim up bar and in the outdoor hot tub (you can see pics at STALK MY LIFE). It was as good for us and it was for the youngsters. And I WAS dubbed the best step-mom EVER. The only downfall? Todd's wedding ring was temporarily lost in the wavepool!!! Luckily, there are some good people left in the world and the band was been returned to its rightful finger. We saw some horrific tattoos and nasty bikinis, but overall...we can't WAIT to go back and next time, we are totally renting a cabana! Oh banana mudslide, how I will long for you!

3. birthday party is in 2 weeks and I'm stoked. Luckily there's a lot to occupy my mind. Of  course, there's working out. And Friday I'm off so Todd asked me to have a museum and natural history. Saturday we'll go to Benihana and rock the chopsticks and then hit Now That's Class for Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band. Followed by more working out and prepping the domain for some utter destruction. I DO love my birthday. It is a major event in my mind! It'll be here before we know it. And what else? I beat Todd at hoops...gotta document that for posterity. Oh, and I have an e-mail to write. Gotta get on that. I guess that's all for now.

Time to rest my vessel. Ouuuuuch.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I was so excited but she was undecided.

OH MY GOLLY! RAD NEWS! Kings Of Nuthin' are releasing their first full length album since "Fight Songs..." early this year!! And do you know what this meeeeeans??? THEY'RE GOING TO TOUR! Finally! The last time I saw them, I had third degree burns on both of my feet and was on crutches. THAT is how much I love them! Top 5 favorite bands! I will see them as many times as possible. WHO'S WITH ME?!?!?!

Thanks Stephanie. Kenny Loggins is on repeat in my brain.

Carrying on...

Tessa, Sharon and I went to our assessment last night and it was rad. It has been established and written on paper that I have an overly high sense of self-esteem. I'm such a clown. I was told that I have a tiny frame so I can't carry a lot of extra weight (and I don't want to). But my body fat percentage was reasonable and my measurements weren't anything shocking (I have an abnormally small waist and big breeding hips...I've known this since puberty).

So my goal is to lose 10 to 15 pounds and probably around 8 inches, upon suggestion of the trainers. This is beyond doable within the 3 month program. But I'm going to get a membership for maintainance. I'm counting on this to help with the EBV and CFS. I know this works. I know I like how I look and feel while I'm participating. And we ALL know I like tight pants! First workout at 7:00am tomorrow!

Then we're off to Kalahari!!

I've owed this birthday present to my step-son since JUNE. But there was the art show, then the wedding, then Todd got laid off, then the holidays...a slew of obstacles never made it possible. Well our room is booked, the plans are set, and we're hitting the dusty trail tomorrow...with my new board shorts in tow. So cute. I hear this place blows minds so I know the kids will have a blast...and the hubby and I could stand to blow town for a bit. We're big fans of hotels and umbrella drinks. This weekend's pics on STALK MY LIFE should be pretty snazzy.


Stay tuned.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Through a storm I called you.

Just when I think no one can possibly shock me anymore, it happens. People NEVER cease to amaze me, even the ones who are totally predictable and boring. And people who do things just to get a rise or reaction out of someone else...don't you have anything better to do? I'm tired of people playing games, saying one thing and doing another. William Miller was advised to build his reputation on being brutally honest. He was probably the last person that was ever suggested to (and yes, I know he's not a real person). I've tried to be brutally honest but it was always coated with worry of hurting someone's feelings. Everything is sugar coated or said in some awkward, veiled way. Bottom line: I wish people would just grow the fuck up. You don't have to get all old and serious and stale just because you've stopped acting like a spoiled child who thinks they're owed the world. I'm not excluding myself from this. I majorly suck sometimes.

That was a ramble. Directed at no one in particular.

And now I'm going to let myself be vulnerable, because I never am. I've got a sturdy wall around me thanks to some shady characters from my past. Anyway, here is my attempt to be vulnerable while also being brutally honest: 10 years ago, I randomly wrote you a letter after a few years no contact. You came to my 21st birthday party (at The Phantasy, sweet zombie Jesus) and it was like we never skipped a beat. I wish it was that easy...that I could send you another letter and you'd come to my 31st birthday party and it would be like we never skipped a beat. I know it won't happen, but I also know I wish it would from time-to-time. End transmission.

Tessa and I have our first workout "assessment" tonight and I'm pumped. In my opinion, the hard part is getting started. It's so easy to say you want to lose weight, eat better, be healthier but talk, talk, talking isn't doing a damn thing but making your jaw strong. Doing this together gives us an opportunity to motivate each other...because zombie Jesus knows that if I feel like being lazy and she still goes to workout, I'm going to go so I don't feel like an asshole. And vice versa. We're motivating each other to NOT be assholes. But I'm glad we're just getting poked-n-prodded today because I got ZERO sleep. I don't think it would be a great start to just keel over.

Got this yesterday. Sure made me feel awesome. Which I need.

"You have Dempsey's furiosity, Marciano's heart and Ali's character. I love you."


Monday, January 18, 2010

You say I'm giving you the creeps.

I love the term "the creeps". I want to give them to you, whatever they are. And in return, I wish someone would give ME a Big Texas Cinnamon Roll, voted best vending machine pastry for like 6 years in a row. And not by me. By actual people who judge things like that...awesome people. If I'm going to eat the current champion of vending machine snacks, I better do it now. Come Wednesday when Tessa and I throw down the gauntlet, the Big Texas Cinnamon Roll will be my enemy. Much like Gwen Stefani. How can men (actually, ANYONE for that matter) find ger attractive? She's allllllll gums and overly processed.

After about 5 seconds of pondering, I took obnoxiously tiny scissors and cut short, choppy, side-swept bangs. They're aces. I don't look even remotely Japanese. Not that that wa sa concern.

Phoebe has been feeling uninspired artistically as of late. I know that feeling very well as that's been ME since August! But the wheels are turning and I'm starting to get pumped again. I have my Alphabastards project and I've decided to start painting mannequin parts...specifically arms, legs, hands and feet. I think I might even make tables out of the legs. We'll see. I started an Etsy store (so many of my friends have been rockin' them) and will post the link once there's actually something to look at. Until I'm 100% ready to be covered in paint again, I'm going to spend my time buying supplies, getting prepared, sketching.

And speaking of sketching, I might paint something on the walls of April and D.A.B.'s baby nursery. Something creepy, of course, because she's a creepy mom...and I mean that in an AWESOME way!

And speaking of awesome, creepy moms...I was significantly late this month. This wouldn't have been a big deal at all because the plan was to try in April anyway. There's no difference between now and then, besides our pending tropical vacation. But I was stunned by how disappointed I felt. I guess after so many days went by without a single cramp or elevated nastiness, I just decided I was making a monster. There was a tiny glimmer of excitement but I know I'll be pumped again when the time is right.

I hate the song "Crazy Train". Off topic, I know. But it's horrible.

Kalahari this weekend. Something to look forward to.

Friday, January 15, 2010

There's nothing else for me to do.

I'm currently coasting. And coasting is fine by me. Life hasn't been utterly mind-blowing but it hasn't been down-right rotten either. Budgets are in order, plans have been made, fun is being had, and life is being lived. I guess that's really all there is to say right now. Short and sweet.

Things To Look Forward To...

5 days until Tessa and I start our 3 month workout progam.
7 days until family time @ Kalahari.
12 days until our tropical vacation gets booked.
15 days until Japanese birthday dinner & Miss Firecracker show.
22 days until my birthday parrrrrrtay.
23 days until my 31st birthday.
30 days until Valentine's Day.
46 days until Phoebe's art opening & our date w/ Donny and Sadie.
47 days until Phoebe's wedding reception awesomeness.
73 days until our 2 year anniversary (of dating).
89 days until Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons.
100 days until we leave for vacation.
168 days until Heavey Rebel.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

You feel it running through your bones.

Tessa and I are taking advantage of Cuyahoga County's offer of 3 free months to Curves or the YMCA and we're starting this week. I looooooved Curves. Right off the bat, my stomach flattened out and I had noticeable definition in my arms and calves. Having a workout buddy will make it ten times better. Tessa makes me laugh and we are dedicated to motivating each other. And the thing I love about Curves (besides no brainless beach bunnies) is that you can really track your progress. That's what I need. I need proof that things are working. The first weigh in and measurement asessment might be uncomfortable because you feel flawed. But the second ROCKS because there is progress right there on paper...and in the mirror! I'm very excited about kicking off a healthier lifestyle.

I'll track my progress here every 6 weeks. More motivation not to embarrass myself. I'm not a person who has ever relaly been at odds with their body. But I KNOW I can look better and I KNOW I can feel better and I just have to get back in the swing. I'd like a flatter stomach again. I'd like muscle definition again. I would like to wear a teeny bikini and short shorts on our tropical vacation (in 103 days). I can do this. So can Tessa. So can Todd...who is currently at home doing crunches and such. And aside from the vanity, I need to get some quality sleep and I need to tune up this vessel if I want to get my eggo preggo after vayvay (all of that sounded disgusting, I know).

So here we go. Baby steps towards amping the awesomeness.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Lose ourselves in us and ignore.

I won't download the new AFI album. I can not!  I can't!!! I WON'T!

But I will. Because I'm me.

So I guess I've been missing in inaction, with inaction being the key word. This whole insomnia and chronic fatigue mess is really beating my brain-n-body to pulp. I've been sort of existing in this inbetween which is just not a good place to be. I came home from work one day after being exhausted to the point of tears. Todd had a couch nest built for me, rented us movies, ordered Chinese food, and even went and got my favorite pillow (we'd been separated for a week...unheard of). It would've been really easy for him to tell me and my exhaustion-fueled irritability to fuck off. He took care of me instead.

And last night, I slept GREAT!

Life is hard. Stressful. For everyone, I know. You have to take time out to have SOME fun, no matter what mess you're buried under at the time. We had Zombie Movie Night last night and have Taco Party Game Night planned for today. We're tightening our belts for awhile. It's the grown up thing to do. But there has to be a balance. We can't save every penny and sit home every day and have zero social life...that could drive a person bananas. And not the good, fun kind of bananas. So I'm glad that even though we're sticking close to home, we're still having some fun...alone or with friends. So as far as stress goes...we can handle it.

And as a footnote...and yes, I know I've brought this up plenty..., we've had a BLAST doing our new photo blog. Sometimes he has the camera. Sometimes I have it. Sometimes we end up with HORRIBLE photos and sometimes we do backflips over them. It's been so much fun to look back over ONE WEEK. I can't wait to look back at ONE YEAR! I was shocked that Todd was as into it as he is. He's more on top of it that I am! It's awesome to have a hobby together. It's awesome to just have some awesomeness in the midst of all the insanity of liiiiiife.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

I dunno. I ain't even noticed.

I feel miserable and am therefore acting like a miserable beast. I know this. I'm exhausted. It's a word people throw around all the time but I AM...exhausted. It's really messing with me today. My head is in the clouds, I keep feeling emotional. Last night was one of the worst night's sleep I've ever had in my sleeping-problem-riddled life. I couldn't fall asleep, let alons stay asleep. Todd gobbled me up in his arms and got me to this toasty warm, comfy, dreamy place where I COULD have fallen asleep...if the alarm clock hadn't have gone off. I hit snooze 3 times, dying to remain in my Todd cacoon. For now, I'm a mess.

Chronic fatigue syndrome is a condition of prolonged and severe tiredness or weariness (fatigue) that is not relieved by rest and is not directly caused by other conditions*. To be diagnosed with this condition, your tiredness must be severe enough to decrease your ability to participate in ordinary activities by 50%.

       *The exact cause of chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) is unknown. Some researchers suspect it may be caused by a virus, such as Epstein-Barr virus (EBV).

Symptoms of CFS are similar to those of most common viral infections (muscle aches, headache, and fatigue). They come on within a few hours or days and last for 6 months or more. Main symptoms:

-Fatigue or tiredness, never experienced to this extent before (new onset), lasting at least 6 months and not relieved by bed rest.
-Fatigue that is severe enough to restrict activity (serious fatigue develops with less than one-half of the exertion compared with before the illness).
-Fatigue lasting more than 24 hours after an amount of exercise that would normally be easily tolerated.
-Feeling unrefreshed after sleeping an adequate amount of time.
-Forgetfulness or other similar symptoms including difficulty concentrating, confusion, or irritability.
-Headaches, different from previous headaches in quality, severity, or pattern
-Joint pain, often moving from joint to joint (migratory arthralgias), without joint swelling or redness.
-Lymph node tenderness in the neck or armpit.
-Mild fever (101 degrees F or less).
-Muscle aches (myalgias).
-Muscle weakness, all over or multiple locations, not explained by any known disorder.
-Sore throat.

Monday, January 04, 2010

And when I could, I gave strength to you.

New look for a new year. Fresh start. Refreshing.

CONGRATULATIONS APRIL AND D.A.B.!!! Holy cow, I am so excited for you guys and know that you'll make rad parents. Another Ol' Kentucky Shark-Baby...awesome! And April, I hope it gets better for you. I'll have a beer and cigarette waiting as soon as Baby Bell pops out.

I'm all snowed in. Buried under blankets. Watching "Away We Go" on my last day off. The holidays are over and I go back to real life tomorrow. The couple in the movie are standing on thier porch and there's a warm breeze. I'm trying to imagine it all over me. Not trying to be poetic or romantic because that's just gross. I could just really use some spring time. My hands are so cold that it's hard to type, it's hard to sleep. I hate you winter. A lot.

The new PHOTO BLOG (<- - -go on, click it) has been boatloads of fun. I really look forward to having an entire year of my life documented in photos You should follow it. You don't have to be a member of Blogger to do so. You don't have to be a member to comment either. Those were just a few FYIs for you. Which reminds me of a new resolution: stop using "FYI". It's obnoxious.

We watched "Paranormal Activity" last night and I want those 2 hours of my life back.


Stephanie and Carol, two of the most incredible women I know, have vowed to "Care less in 2010". I think they are geniuses. In fact, I know they are and I vow to be more like them this year. I also vow to remove "Ring Of Fire" from my Ipod. And to go to that supply house and buy mannequin arms and legs to paint. Tell me you don't want a table that's supported by two painted mannequin legs? Yeah...that's what I thought. And I know that was all random but I don't care. See? Caring less already and feeling RAD about it!

Friday, January 01, 2010

A world in white gets underway.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! My first blog of 2010!!

I'm going to erase Wednesday from my memory. It was bananas.

Well, while it wasn't overly fancy-pants, our New Year's Eve was solid. And so far, 2010 has been solid, too. We hung out with a group of pals for the big event, old and new and old-that-became-new-again, rocked the bejesus out of our margarita machine, toasted at midnight with a luscious lip-lock, and woke up hangover-free in our own bed!!! I have nothing but high hopes for this year.

I'm going to tell my husband I love him every day. Even if I hate him.

Besides that, I resolve to do the following:

-Build up my immune system (vitamins, diet, exercise).
-De-stress my liiiife.
-Make art a priority again (oooooh, do I have a RAD project in store).
-Revive both PFG and Jump In The Sac.
-Put a bun in the oven.
-Forgive and forget.
-Spend quality time with my friends.
-Keep up with my new photo blog.
-Get tattooed, travel, cook, make-out, be awesome...

I may add more to the list in the next few days but for now, I feel that is a solid list. And 2010 with be quite a solid year. I hope it is for the rest of you as well. I'm going to try and keep a positive mental attitude (which does NOT mean I'm going to stop being sarcastic, snarky, and scrappy) because feeling rad feels a lot better than feeling lousy!

Are you with me???

P.S. To those holding my pillow hostage...GRRRRRRRRRR!!!