Thursday, May 28, 2009

I was once a regular girl.

Song Of The Day: "Bang On" by The Breeders

I haven't waxed philosophical on song lyrics in awhile so I will pose the following question for you to ponder, discuss, and reply with your findings:

Is it a good or bad thing that the singer from the Spaceshits wants to "cook that woman up in bacon grease"? He wants to cook her up and get her fried up. It doesn't necessarily sound like a good thing BUT he also wants to rub that bacon grease up and down...he wants to grease her up! I think people might assume right off the bat that a man wanting to cook you up is not a good thing, but it COULD be a euphemism of some sort. I'm sure Erin will know. I'm sure Erin will set me straight. What ARE the intentions of the Spaceshits??? I can not rest until I know.

And man oh man, my most unfavorite person on the planet is up to their old antics again, SHOCKER! The hair is standing up on my neck and I'm milliseconds away from hissing and spitting and karate-chopping them in the throat, ninja style. I won't go into graphic details about why said person is so totally suck-o and always has been and always will be...but let me say once again that it makes me throw up right into my lap or the closest lap to mine that such a selfish, nasty, little brat thinks she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants with no consequences. I'd tell her to grow up but she won't. So I'll just cross my fingers that she gets a clue and continue to visualize high-fiving her in the face as a coping mechanism (and I'd say that this isn't about YOU, you-know-who, but you know that already).


It's almost the weekend and mine is wide open (maaaaaaaaan, I had the perfect joke to make about appendages of above said person...but that would make me juvenile and immature). I can't spend any money because I have to buy honeymoon plane tickets next week. Found a sweet deal so I've got to pounce on it. 115 days until we're on the big boat. Todd is totally's our reward for all the hard work we've done planning the wedding and reception (Camevil, I need your new address!). The event really isn't for's for everyone else so they can share in our happiness or whatever. I think we've planned a rockin' good time for the people we love. Todd declared that "ours will rock socks off". I hope so. Anyway...the weekend...since I don't want to spend, I guess I'll paint. My goal is 4 medium to large paintings and 6 more of the baby ones. I love those itty bitty canvases and easels. Man, I don't have a lot of time left...10 weeks, I think! I have to eat, drink, sleep, and fuck paint. Literally.

LITERALLY have a good weekend, my friends!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I only smile when I lie then I tell you why.

Song Of The Day: "The Casbah" by Los Straitjackets

I did it. I did a strip tease down to drawers and heart-shaped pasties while dressed like a chicken. Finger Lickin' Strip Tease! I guess you could say the chicken part was semi-symbolic of the fact that (eventhough I'm super stoked with my body right now) I don't have the guts to do an actual nudie strip tease. I also don't have permission from the man who has claimed this ass. And I don't have much of a desire to get naked in front of friends-n-fans that I will have to look in the eye again.

Regardless, I did it! And people laughed! And cheered! And howled! I was also told by multiple people that it was the funniest thing they had ever seen. I had to focus on steady breathing because it was hot as a crotch in that costume. I feel successful. Sure, I didn't cure cancer or give birth or climb the corporate ladder...but I did a strip tease dressed like a chicken...and people laughed. SUCCESS IS MINE! And the rest of show was aces. I'm really proud of us. PFG is back!

Now that I'm done being the cock of the walk, I can just say that Los Straitjackets/S.C.O.T.S. was a mind-blowingly amazing show! Worth every penny! Even though I had a whole buncha garbage piled up on my brain (there IS such a thing as a false-positive), we had a blast. day...I ran around like (for lack of a better term) a chicken with my head cut off. But it was worth it. Extra effort creates results. And even if it didn't go EXACTLY like I wanted...I got to chill with April, I fell in love with the beer garden at The Sac, I had quality girlfriend time, I stood my ground and I rallied. Plain-n-simple.

Sunday, I spent a lot of time alone...snoozing, watching A.N.T.M. marathons, renting movies. It was lonely...but my buddy wasn't feeling up to snuff, so what can you do? And eventhough we were only floors apart...I dunno. It felt far. Hormones. I wish I could stab them with a fork.

Yesterday we managed to get some holiday together time in which (shockingly) invovled margaritas, hurricans, mudslides, good food, My Bloody Valentine, snuggle naps, The Day The Earth Stood Still, sketching a new painting, cartoons, and snoozing. May sound boring and not very Memorial...but it felt pretty slick.

I wish I had more single friends. I realized today that my friends are all coupled up, which is good if we ever have another Ark situation. Not so good for the few acquaintances I have who could really use a "somebody" in their lives. Not that you NEED someone...God knows that at certain times in my life, I was better, safer and healthier alone. But it's nice to have someone to go have impromptu margaritas with and to watch cartoons with and to help you make a prop bathtub and to fix your bike tires and to tell you you look thinner and your skin looks nice. Whatever. There's one guy and one girl that I currently wish I had someone for. They aren't a match for each other...but still. I hope they find someone...even for just a summer romance.

I wish I could listen to "Summer Romance" by New Bomb Turks right NOW! Man. That would be awesome. Like how I can transition right from worrying about other people to worrying about my own ridiculous wants-n-needs. It's how I roll I guess. Love me or hate me. But...I'm guessing you love me!


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Baaaaaaaaaby, check this out!

Song Of The Day: "Cracker Jack" by Janis Martin

Squeeeeeeeal! I have been stressing like a 15 year old who is 5 days late because my second solo song ("Loretta Is a Sweater Girl" was a BUST) was making me bananas! I couldn't find ANYTHING that wasn't going to make me look like a teenager in a talent show. I was upset and frustrated (and this little runt on my street that I want to dropkick wasn't helping). And THEN...after listening to a song that was suggested to me over a year all came together and my brain orgasmed! Not only is the song a-dor-dor-dorable, but I've managed to turn it into a cute dance with props AND a drinking game! Everyone who isn't dead-n-buried loves a drinking game from time to time. As Sifl and Olly would say...ROCK!

I've been talking a lot about PFG lately, I know, and I'm sure that's annoying and making you itchy (I will stop blathering after this weekend). But we've been on hiatus since we had to cancel our October show when 2/3 of us had the Black Death. I was almost ready to throw in the towel...but instead I'm using it to wipe sweat off my brow. I'm a PFG through and through. And while Bobbi Socks is resting and repairing (we miss you), Tootsie Pop and I have been kicking cans! We've worked so hard to make our set at Motor Mayhem something awesome. New songs, old favorites, costume changes, lots of laughs...I'm proud of us. And the entire Motor Mayhem show is going to be buckets of fun. I haven't looked forward to something this much in a lengthy span of time. And since we announce our come back, interesting opporunities have presented themselves. I think we've found an emcee and photographer so now...all we need are a few new gals, Dragway 42 is coming to blow minds this year. I'm just really happy right now. Let me bask in my jello-y pool of happiness. Won't you join me for a swim? How about Saturday at MOTOR MAYHEM! Bands starts at 7:00...we're third. Everyone should be there. EVERYONE!

So life is good. Life had been confusing and stressful and somewhat overwhelming but I woke up this morning and decided that I just want life to be good. I'm proud of what PFG have accomplished recently, I've finished 15 paintings in the last week or so (up on RIGHT NOW), Weasel and I have been engaged for 200 days and have less than 4 months to go as of today, I've got rad friends (no Carol, YOU are the best), I found my wedding shoes and a badass headpiece, I've been eating better and dropping lbs. like a bad habit, people seem really stoked for the wedding, Rocko wrote us an adorable song that he will sing at the heart is full. My wallet is empty, but my heart is full. PLUS, "My Bloody Valentine in 3-D" came out yesterday! GORE IS GREAT! I don't know. Maybe I need to dial back the joy. But I won't.

"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For you."
"My pleasure."

Monday, May 18, 2009

Love her and she'll bring you luck.

Song Of The Day: "So Damn Hot" by OKGO

I had been so riled up about May Mayhem and was going bananas about all of the things that were planned...and so many of those things just didn't happen for one reason or another...mostly revolving around shows. I didn't go to Mad Sin, The Quakes, Joe Buck OR Bob Log III. And I feel alright about it. I've managed to get some art show-n-wedding stuff done, plus I've had more one-on-one stuff go down. It's not that I don't like shows...I love them. I've got 2 (possibly 3) this weekend alone that I will be at for sure (or you can eat one of my ribs). But the things I've done have just been more fulfilling. For example...this weekend...

Thursday, spur of the moment, I met up with Sharon at McIntyre's. We squawked and drank and hung with Todd for several hours. I love spending time with Sharon as she's a funny gal. When my ex and I split, I thought he'd get custody of her but screw that. I'm a better friend. I wasn't going to let that friendship perish. Came home, folded a gazillion loads of laundry. Was satisfied with my Thursday.

Friday, I was supposed to be Carol's date to Bob Log III. I do LOVE Bob Log! But money is tight! And the money I did have was for wedding shoes, plain-n-simple. I didn't like bailing on Carol but I did what I had to do. When she opens for him next time around...I'll be there freaking the Hell out, I promise. Instead, Sarah and I went to Phoebe's for a girlie night. I've never hung out with Sarah on my own and that chick is A RIOT! We had girl talk and drank beer...there were also hot dog flavored potato chips! And mac-n-cheese! And brownies! And once we left there, I ended up staying up WAY past my bed time (3:30am!!!) talking to Sarah and her husband, Jimmy. We were a bunch of chatterboxes, I'll tell you what.

Saturday...ick. Saturday was semi-icky. Sharon and I went and hung with my parents for about an hour and then headed off to have lunch. Lunch was YUM and I scored a strapless bra and seemless drawers...but I felt a little off. I blamed it on getting so little sleep. But as we walked to the mall, I felt nauseated. And while we were hunting for hit me like a fish to the face. I'm not sure was "it" was, but it was me sweaty and dizzy and nauseated. It was probably mall panic. Regardless, while trying to keep my lunch firmly planted, I found my shoes at the last store we went to. They're perfection. I ran in my front door and threw up for the rest of the night. Luckily, Todd and Aiden were out-n-about so I would toss my cookies, cry, and watch bad television without feeling even worse. I didn't get any painting done which was my plan for the day. Saturday was semi-sucko but successful.

Then yesterday...I grocery shopped and went to The Mission for pasties and a garter belt (Finger Lickin' Strip Tease...this Saturday at Motor Mayhem @ The Sac) and found a hairpiece for the wedding. Hot pink and black and PERFECT. I cruised home but got semi-aggitated when I arrived. Blech. Whatever. I'll blame it on Saturday residue. Karen and I practiced a little for the show, I made dinner, and then I got down and dirty with the paint brushes. 2 LARGE paintings I had half done are now COMPLETE! I'll have a few new works up on Cannibalicious! later today. After a nice shower and some cartoons...I was out.

And here we are.

So while I may not have been doing the things I THOUGHT I'd be doing during this jam-packed month, I've done plenty of good stuff. And I need to keep up the momentum as far as painting goes. I've been on a roll but I need to seriously buckle down every free day that I have. I have 1/3 of what I want to accomplish done. I should really be at the 2/3 mark by now. That's why I'll probably be quite hidden during June, aside from our weekend away for the race which can't come soon enough! I need an escape! BIG TIME! I need to run amuck and act a fool and I need Todd by my side through all of it.

Enjoy your Monday.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Gyrate til you've had your fill.

Song Of The Day: "Legal Tender" by B-52s

I love how Phoebe calls Ryan her "not-husband". I'll be honest, I wish they'd get married...I've never been to a Phoebe wedding and that would be SOMETHING. Phoebe's the marrying kind, I think. I'm sure they'll be together for eternity and all but still. I thought about throwing my bouquet directly to her but I'm sure she'll find a stealthy way to avoid it's path. Karen already told me the bouquet has her name all over it anyway. Can't crush a young gal's dreams by rigging the event. Viva Phoebe-n-Ryan.

I love 3 day weekends, have I mentioned that? I don't love tattoo removal and the fact that I have an appointment for it tomorrow (only 2 more to go after this before the hitching goes down), but I DO love the 3 day weekends. Painting, painting and more painting. I've been on a roll lately and I don't mind patting myself on the back. Weasel loves when I paint and calls me Pretty Picaso. Picaso may not have painted porny princesses or girls eating their own stomachs, but didn't he cut his own ear off? We could've been pals. I plan to make the most of these 3 days. By Sunday night I hope to have a boatload of new shtuff to post on the "Cannibalicious!" blog. OOH! I also have to make a bathtub out of foamcore. I can dig it though. I feel good about it. I feel crafty. Feel free to come and visit me while I'm getting my craft on.

I have to get my craft on this weekend because NEXT weekend, I have to get my drink/rock on (Los Straitjackets & Southern Culture On The Skids on Friday), I have to get my Pussyfoot on (Motot Mayhem show Saturday w/ PFG, A-Train & The Steamers, Memphis Morticians, Graverobber, and those crazy Motor Psychos), and I might have to get my roadtrip on (Sacred Pistons annual picnic on Sunday???). And then recovery on Monday! It sounds HEAVENLY to me. I remember when my life used to be all GO! GO! GO! I could stand a little taste of that. And we'd get to see ROCKO! He sent me the lyrics to the song he's singing at our wedding and I got teary eyed at my desk. Oh Rocko!

Finger Lickin' Strip Tease. You heard it hear first.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I went and put my dancin' shoes on..yeah!

Song Of The Day: "Sayonara Sucker" by The Queers

One animal costume has been secured! Pure awesomeness is in the works. Don't you dare miss it. Don' I've got my solo songs picked up and practically planned...I think..., our "Splish Splash" routine is adorable if I do say so myself (Drinky Crow...Winky Bird...oh Karen!), and I have nothing but high, high, high hopes for this show. The HIGHEST, if you will! I'm pumped about the show (super sadly, Horror of 59 is out...A-Train & The Steamers will be there instead) and practice really lifted my spirits. Next stop...bubble machine! VA-VOOM!

Eventhough practice rocked and hanging with Karen was rad and I got some super amusing drunk text messages from mood is still iffy. I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that people (that's just a general applies to MANY, not just one inparticular) are going to do/say what they want, when they want, no matter who they treat like garbage along the way. I need to just continue to do the things that make me a happy clam (PFG, paint, go to shows, watch junkie television, blog, whatever) and remove myself from situations where people are going to be creeps. I can't make people treat me the way I deserve to be treated or give me the repect I know I've earned...they either will or they won't. But I do believe in karma...everyone gets their due.'s time to get busy livin'.

I had a weird dream about the wedding last night. Bananas.

Which reminds me...130 days until it's umbrella drink/bikini time!

Season finale of America's Next Top Model tonight. I've got all crossable things crossed for Allison but I think she's doomed because she can't walk. Neither can I. I have no balance. I'm a clumsy, klutsy, uncoordinated mess. She's just SO weird looking. Almost creepy. Like a Living Dead doll. And she's all shy and embarrasing. Love her. And I'll be alright if Aminat wins, too. This may sound weird but she reminds me of a taller, African American version of Jen May. They look nothing alike...duh...but something about how she laughs and how she talks. Maybe I'm just bananas. Regardless...if Tyonna wins, I'm boycotting the show and boycotting that show will make me surly. So everyone better cheer for Allison. Just blurt it matter where you are at the time.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Now the hard part's over, so they say.


Song Of The Day: "No Sugar Mama" by Von Bondies

I am currently finalizing the routine to "Splish Splash" in my head. Karen is coming over tonight to learn it and revamp our routine to "Sisters". We don't have the feather fans required (since we beat the sweet bejesus out of each other with them last time) so we'll improvize. Should be a good ol' fashioned ridiculous Pussyfoot evening.

However, I still don't have a second solo song!!! Time is a'tickin'! And I CERTAINLY don't have an animal costume! You know, one of those awesome get-ups that mascots and Sea World employees wear? Oh I have a sweet plan if I can get my hands on one of those! But how DO I get my hands on one of those? Any clues? I want one with a giant sturdy head. Oh would be so rad. I shouldn't get my hopes up.

I'm really looking forward to practice because today has been pretty up-n-down-n-back-n-forth. Work has been insanely busy for me, the wedding/shower planning has me at my wits end...I don't know. One minute I feel awesome and the next minute I feel like I could karate chop the world in the throat and/or vagina. I love Pussyfooting and I miss doing it so practice should put me in the right frame of mind...if "Splish Splash" ends up working the way I want it to. Which it will because it has to or I'll go ape shit. Simple as that.

On the list of things to purchase:
-foamcore to make giant bathtub
-bubble machine
-2 to 4 feather fans
-giant animal costume
-2 rolling clothing racks
-black fabric
-lots o' safety pins
-nude colored bra
-more PF girls
-a personal assistant

I'm sorry...I have to go search for a giant animal costume. It's really all I can focus on at this point in time. I am DETERMINED to make this work some how. DETERMINED. I am more determined to find a giant animal costume than I am to find wedding shoes at this point. I think if I could accomplish this goal, it would turn my whole outlook around. My weird, up-n-down, "whatever" kind of attitude. This attitude could be fucked right into submission...if only I had a giant animal costume.

The hunt is ON.

Monday, May 11, 2009

You hide your looks behind these scars.

Song Of The Day: "Freeman" by The Gears.

Just call it "Return Of The Living Dead".

I'm getting over a rank stomach flu which has emptied me out (I could get more graphic so be glad that's as far as I went) and left me sore, achey and cranky. I was so dizzy and weak that when I finally WAS up and about, I was short of breath. Totally sucko. Missed out on Mother's Day festivities but I'm fairly certain that my mom did not want me to give her the flu...which was about all I could afford to give. I told Todd awhile ago that I wish my body would just give up already. I didn't mean that though. I think "Steel Magnolias" poisoned my mind during my illness.

I did manage to see the Bouncing Souls inbetween tossing my cookies and chomping on Pepto. It was a great show despite them ignoring some of their total jams (Eastside Mags? Lowlife?). I felt 19 again. I even bought myself a shirt! They covered "Hybrid Moments" which was pretty rad...and I had a cute dude (whom I'm marrying 130 days from tomorrow) who let me lean on him and sit on his lap since I was a weak sick-o. Cute dude gave me a card yesterday that basically said, "You're gold and the best thing that's ever happened to me". It also said something about me being a stupid yet classy woman...but that came from the greeting card company. They couldn't be more right!

I also got a "Happy Future Mother's Day" card from Sharon. Cute!

What else? All I can think about are stomach cramps and sleeping for lengthy periods of time. Tootsie Pop and I had a meeting about the upcoming Motor Mayhem show. We made our set list and I've got to say...I'm pretty psyched! It's mostly new songs with a few tried-n-true or barely used numbers thrown in. Carol is returning for a special appearance as Queen La Tata and acting as our emcee (word around the litterbox is that Grimm may be taking that position full time). We're doing a lot of costume changes and rockin' new props. I'm pumped. I can't wait for the comeback. I need to work on my solos...I think "Loretta Is a Sweater Girl Now" might be one of them...not sure about the second. Any suggestions? I'm looking for flirty and fun, nothing tramptastic. Be sure to be there...Saturday May 23rd at The Sac. I expect nothing but f-f-f-f-f-un. Horror of 59! Memphis Morticians! Graverobber! PUSSYFOOT GIRLS!!!

I also painted a bunch yesterday with little or no casualties. Really buckled down and finished MANY half done paintings. Now I can focus on new stuff. I have a painting I love where I did 2 anthropological skulls over the lyrics to "Press Gang"...I want to do more paintings on top of song lyrics. I just have to pick the right ones. And once I'm done with the song lyrics, I'm going to start a few monster portraits that will be sold framed...and I have more of the original "Cannibalicious!" works to do...and slutty Princesses. much to do. So little time and money! Good news is, I think I'm 1/3 done with what I want to accomplish. I can pretty much guarantee that no one besides Todd-n-Aiden are going to see me during the month of June. Unless you come over and watch me paint! Company is always nice.

"Daisie Of Love"... so addicted. So gross.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

I I say it again, can I kill it?


I was fine when I woke up. F-I-N-E. Fine all morning. Fine at lunch. Then right AFTER lunch...POW! Horrrrrrrrrrifying tummy ache. And once the horrrrrrrrrrrifying tummy ache died down (and not to get graphic, but this was NOT the kind of tummy ache I wanted to have at work...dying inside), the nausea set in. If there is one thing I DETEST and can bring me to TEARS, it's being nauseated. Oh GOD. So finally, after just sitting around, praying not to toss my cookies...I tossed my cookies. And I've felt horrific ever since. One minute I'm sweating, the next I have chills. I'm all flushed. I'm super thirsty. The works.

Todd thought maybe it was stress but I think there is WAY too much going on here to just be stress. I thought my mom was hinting that my egoo was preggo (there is NO bun in this oven...I've convinced my uterus to be hostile to all developing life forms until AFTER the honeymoon), but she was really thinking food poisoning. All I know is that it better not be that gut-wrenching stomach virus that I had in January last year that put me in the hospital 3 times. Because that made me cry A LOT. And Johnny had to take me to the ER. And I had to go on that stupid b.r.a.t. diet which, eventhough it made me lose weight, made me lose my mind.

If it's Swine Flu, Cinco de Mayo will feel my wrath.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Honey, I ain't fakin'.

Song Of The Day: "Doublewide" by Southern Culture On The Skids.

The song of the day reminds me that I have to get our tickets for Los Straitjackets and Southern Culture On The Skids! It also reminds me that I need to kick my own ass for not going to Mad Sin. But my ass doesn't feel so bad since I'll for sure be going to Bouncing Souls this were secured weeks ago. Man...the song of the day sure set off quite a chain reaction! No doubt!

PFG are b-b-b-b-b-back and it feels damn good! Like a back rub or a nap on a warm day. But back to the bad-assness...Tootsie Pop and I hosted the Monsters of Burlesque this past Saturday when their tour rolled in to Cleveland. It felt so good to be back on the stage and back at The Sac. Neil O'Fortune thanked us for helping them out and said, "This is YOUR house". It is! The Sac is OUR HOUSE and we love it. Even once the show was over, Tootsie and I drank and danced and just had a flat out classic PFG time. We met a gal intertested in shooting new pics of us, a guy who wants us involved in events he puts on, and 2 gals looking to be in the PFG! We need new blood...STAT! And to know who...if the situation weren't what it was, all mixed up and bananas, you'd be a PFG. For sure.

OH! Word! Carol gave us the goooooood news that she will be returning as Queen La Tata for Motor Mayhem, Saturday May 23rd at OUR HOUSE! THE SAC! Car show begins at 12:00 noon, performers start rockin' at 7:00! $7 gets you the car show, the bands (Horror of 59, Memphis Morticians, Grave Robber), the Pussyfoot Girls (doing 1 longer set...not sure where in the line-up, just know we're not first), BBQ and whatever the Hell else the Motor Psychos can throw at you! There will be custom trophies, pinstripers, and day-n-night fun, fun, fun. All brought to you by the coolest car club in Cleveland, The Motor Psychos. Be there. Love it.

Outside of PFGenius, the weekend was solid. I'm not going to give you the play-by-play. I'm not feeling that route. And I also don't feel like talking about the dog walk I had to participate in at 8:00am on a Saturday morning. Sheeesh. Maybe I'll post pictures and let them tell the story. But I doubt it. Whenever I say I'm going to post pictures, I never do. I lie directly to your eyeballs. There was certainly plenty of alcohol intake so I'm feeling rather sluggish I've had zero downtime as of late. I'm running on go. But there's so much to look forward to...all the rad shows I'm going to this month, the PFG comeback show, Dragway 42 (which I've started to get super pumped about), the art show opening night party, the wedding shower, the wedding, the honeymoon.

I shouldn't complain about being sluggish when life is pretty damn sweet. I was all kinds of ICK on Thursday because life complications caught up with me, I guess. But my fiancee cheered me up by sending me pictures of all the things I love...him, my cat, Smorkin' Labbits, magazines, Family Guy re-runs, all the cheese in our fridge, The PFG, my stuffed moustache that has a moustache, the Chinese was a really cute thing to do. And it did turn my mood around. I came home from an extremely long and stressful day that I totally forgot about thanks to Chinese food and a Weasel.

And that's that, Jack.