You my mirror. You my iron bars.

A picture from our wedding has been entered into the People's Choice category of a wedding photography contest on Top Knot. There are 500+ pictures so we probably won't WIN but that doesn't mean we won't TRY. Not that we would win anything...it was entered by our photographer, and he's awesome so I want HIM to WIN! All you need to do is follow this link and vote for us. And push your friends to vote for us. Bribe them if you have to! We'd appreciate it. All it takes is an e-mail address. You can be done in no time flat!

If you weren't at the big event, let me tell you a little story. Todd and I were sitting at the head table, finally getting a chance to kick it. Then that clank, clank, clanking on the glasses started alerting us that it was time to get our smooch on. My husband held up the napkin thinking we could irk some people by hiding the lip-locking. Little did we know that Jeff was behind us capturing the moment. So much for being sneaky! Anyway, when we saw it the first time, we went bananas. It's our favorite...or at least in the top 3. It's just US, how we are...and all the people we love...stuffing their faces!

So please vote for Jeff's rad pic. And have a nice day!

Pictures of each other taken by each other.

I'm starting a new (read that as ADDITIONAL) blog in 2010. New Year's Day, to be exact. My life is pictures, so to speak. The details are over there. Over HERE: Stalk My Life!

I want to see how 2010 turns out and a picture speakers like a gazillion trillion words. And I now you'd love me to shut my face for awhile. So my camera is my constant companion and we'll see what we see. And I bet a lot of it will just be awesome.

So go on over to Stalk City and follow. You may miss me practicing my Ninja skills or doing some very out of character things to make the most our of 2010. Not that being a Ninja is out of character. You may see YOU doing crazy things. If you're in my life, you're in my blog. That's livin', baby.

Now back to The Cleveland A.

If I go see "New Moon" alone today, does that make me utterly pathetic and lame? Will I be that lame older broad in a theater full of teens and tweens?? Let it be known that Edward Cullen...rather R-Pat...is closer to my age than most of those little monsters (the movie-goers, not the vampires and werewolves). It's playing at 11:25. I bet I can see it before Todd even gets out of bed. Sneaking off to see it saves me from being brutally made fun of by my husband. I just don't need.

I have a box of Sno-Caps all set to go!

Anything I want, he gives it to me.

I had too many Sno-Caps for breakfast. My insides are fighting back.

So much for healthy living!

Todd and I have been super "on" the past few days. All in love-n-junk. Yesterday was 2 months of being hitched and in that 2 months, I found out about lifelong mono and constant exhaustion AND Todd became an economic statistic. What's going to happen when we hit 6 months? Scurvy? House fire? PIN WORMS!?!?! Regardless of recent stressors, we've managed to remain feisty and flirty. Even when I want to punch the world in the brain.

Been almost 12 hours since "New Moon" came out. Heart go throb.

Alright. I just wanted to spit some randomness at you because my blog blathering will be cut down some (yeah, yeah, do your cartwheels and cheer). My life has become a little bit of a tornado as of late so my free time is spent a little differently. I'll still be here. I'll still be rambling. It will just be less frequently. Believe me, I need this thang to rant-n-rave on so my hair stops falling out and I don't keep it...whatever "it" is...all bottled up!

VIVA!

I like to get to the other side

Oh life. Why do you have to be so unpredictable and weird? Why do I sometimes want to make sweet love to you and other times want to punch you in the brain? Can you answer me this, oh life that I have happily and somewhat recklessly lived for 30 years?

There's a lot of change in the air. And in our faces. Things have changed for me at my place of employment...days, hours, responsibilities...all on a good wave, I think. The days have been flying by. Todd's employment on the other hand...blech. The economy sucks. Businesses suck. We just have to believe that something better is on the horizon. Positive thinking or some bullshit like that. Anyway, we're sticking together through this one. Team Skunk-n-Weasel. If I have to work a little harder and a little more, take on more financial stress...hey, this is what marriage is. Having each other's backs.

Moving on.

Due to the above mentioned financial/employment weirdness, we will not be northern-bound for New Year's Eve. Instead, I think we're going to rally people on over to our corral. We'll get to The Falls another time. We've got our whole life together to overpay for beer and go to really horrible wax museums (I'm trying to make myself think it wasn't that great of an idea...sigh). But the get together we're throwing, whether we keep it small or make it massive, will be rad. As long as I'm locking lips with my husband at midnight! Or locking genitals. Whatever. Oh, and the cruise is on. I'm not cancelling all of our rad plans just because we're got a hitch in our giddyup. We WILL be getting tropical!

What else is in the news?

I love my husband, if anyone cares about that.

And my friends. I love you knuckleheads.

And I love you, Edward Cullen. Just don't tell my husband.

Some people gonna benefit. Others gotta sacrifice.

Tessa,

I love you. I'm so sorry. I've got your back.

Love,
Me

P.S. What is going on in the world right now? Why are bad things happening to good people? And why do sucky people get to keep on sucking? Life isn't fair, that's what they say. But it SHOULD be. An eye for an eye. Regardless, to anyone who has hit a rough patch or is down and out, I'm sorry and I can empathize.

That's something you can't deny.

Coma for 1, please.

My body feels 10 times as heavy as usual. Everything aches down to my eyeballs, fingernails and teeth. I think even my hair hurts. Todd pulled me in for a hug this morning as I think he could sense my general misery. Lifting my arms to hug back was an effort. And the pressure of his hands on my back was painful. I appreciated the gesture and the comfort but was saddened by the fact that something I love so much was making me want to bawl my sore eyeballs out.

It's been coming on since Sunday. It's probably been coming on for longer than that. But the days I feel bad, I just think it has to do with the CFS or the virus (that sounds so creepy but it's basically just getting mono over and over and over again). And thinking that way has helped. When I feel overly exhausted, I don't automatically think I'm sick. But I have to admit that I am this time. I hope it's just some random bug and not that 5 day flu that's been going around...or Bacon Fever (Oh, Phoebe).

I need a system re-boot. Big time.

Fields are ripe. It's the spring time of my life.

Go to Hell, Lunesta.

Never once did I have the pleasure of neon butterflies. Instead, I truly terrifying and life-like nightmares. And last night, I couldn't wake myself up. I could not escape a nightmare that was hitting WAY too close to home. And when I did, the combo of relief and terror made me attempt to crawl inside of Todd's skin. I want to sleep, I do. But not at the expense of my sanity. I'd rather wake up every 2 hours and have broken, restless sleep. Or beat the Hell out of my liver with various "PMs". After nightmares like this, it's hard to just start the day. I'm a mess.

Now here's something you'll REALLY like!

Todd's 30th Birthday was Saturday and we successfully celebrated the bejesus out of it with the most fun 80s cover band I've ever seen. Little Jen said the pictures were funny because you could see how drunk we were as the night progressed. But I was TOTALLY SOBER! I was just having that much fun. Everyone was, especially the birthday boy which is what REALLY matters. He had SO much fun, that he ever asked me to dance! At a bar full of people! To a fast song! It was an amazing night...outside of one scuffle with a man in a Cosby sweater and one Helluva a hangover to kick off being 30. "Getting Hammered" is now on Todd's Murtaugh List. Mine, too (being sober was rad...the people-watching I did was endless entertainment). Regardless, it'll be hard to top this one. Happy 30th Birthday, baby.

I wish it was New Year's Eve so we could be in The Falls.

And I wish I wasn't starting to get sick. : (

Message received loud and clear.

I think there's something in the water that's sending people I know on a variety of emotional rollercoasters! I can't test my hypothesis because anyone who knows me knows I don't drink water. But emotions are running high, this much I do know. I feel pretty level right now, outside of work being a busy beehive, f-f-f-f-f-fatigue taking over my vessel, and an angry burn on my wrist reminding me who's boss. Carol is starting every day off by reminding herself what she's thankful for. I've decided to make a list of things that make me hap-hap-happy in an effort to protect myself from any rollercoaster rides (similar plan is in effect to keep the flu at bay and so far, so flipping good).

1. Watching TV boxsets in bed: I LOVE our bed. I've had my pillow since I was 19, which is probably unhealthy and is certainly gross. And I love Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother, Ugly Betty, etc. Putting on a good pair of PJs and getting in bed with a glass of juice is the best way for me to destress. A close second is attacking the DVR on Fridays. Project Runway, ANTM, Top Chef...HEAVEN!

2. PJ Thursdays: Months ago, Todd got starting asking me if he could take me out for a drink every Thursday. We picked a cool bar close to home that was douchebag-free. And it became our date night! He stopped asking me because it was just KNOWN! It has since expanded and now friends join, food is a given, and there is typically at least ONE fruity-n-delicious shot! It wraps destress for the weekend. It's my favorite night of the week.

3. Nolan Lucky and Evan James: Nolan is my 16 month old boyfriend and he's just awesome, like his mama. He is FAR cooler than I will ever be. He almost wore a shirt to the wedding that said, "I OBJECT!". Swoon! Evan James is my 6 day old boyfriend and I fell in love with him in utero. He was IN my wedding! The second I saw him perfect face...hooked. His picture is my cell wallpaper. These 2 dudes are going to rule the world. No doubt.

4. They Might Be Giants: While they DO have a few sad songs...you wouldn't really know it! All of their songs SEEM so HAPPY! Anything negative or boo-hoo they have to say, they disguise in utter awesomeness! We should all take a cue from them. When they sing, "No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful. Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful", and you're still dancing and smiling? That is JOY right there.

5. Our wedding pictures: Not only do we look genuinely happy, but we look like us. There's goofy faces and odd poses and we thumb-wrestled and kissed and drank beer and I carried my lunchbox and we just were who we ARE. I don't look at those pictures and see a fancied up version of us. I just see us. And I see the people we love being themselves. If our house was burning down and I could only save one thing, it would be these photos (if my husband was already safe, that is).

6. Blind box toys: Specifically Smorkin' Labbits, Mongers, Yummy Breakfasts, and anything with a moustache. I haven't been to Carol & John's in awhile and that's probably a good thing. You think you can buy just one of each but you CAN'T! You don't know what's inside. It's a gamble. It's a RUSH! You want that surge of adrenaline as your opening the silver foil. I'm still dying ot get the angel and moustache Smorkin' Labbits but I need to practice self-control!

7. Dave & Buster's: Yes, it's expensive, but I have NEVER left there unhappy. They have the BEST cheese fries and the BEST cheesesteaks! The shots are yum, the beers are cold, and the games are a BLAST! I even came close to beating Todd in hoops (I claim I'm going to dominate every time). It's not Vegas but the lights and chimes and chaos make it a damn good time.

8. Airports: I love everything about airports. I even love checking baggage and waiting in the security line. An airport means you're going somewhere or you've been somewhere. I love stopping in a shop and getting magazine for the flight, the lame ass snack/meal they give you onboard, getting an inflight movie when travelling long distances, being in different airports (they serve Presidente at the Hollywood/Ft. Lauderale airport). I love it ALL! Is it April yet??

I'll leave it at 8. 8 is great and I'm happy.

Saturday is Todd's 30 Birthday. We'll be at PJ McIntyre's at 7:00pm so come on down and buy Todd (and his awesome wife) a beer, a shot, a basket of ribs, whatever! If you haven't been there, it's a rad place and the food is amazing. They've trippled the size of their menu recently, Annie makes the best shots in West Park...if not THE WORLD...AND there's an 80s cover band that night! It's got Todd written all over it! We hopt to see all y'all there!!

xo

Velvet glove and an iron fist.

I wish I had it in me to stay up late tonight and request the non-live version of "Iron Curtain Rock" by The Drags on Hot Trash. But I'm flipping exhausted. It's chronic. Just like how awesome I am. Even though I'm not feeling too ultra awesome right at this moment.

I wonder if Glen Danzig tried to sue The Misfits and by "The Misfits", I mean the band girl band rivals of Jem and The Holograms. It seems like something douchey that he'd do. While my love for all things Danzig lives on, I am utterly thrilled that I put a big Easter bow on my tattoo.

But this isn't about Danzig. It's about wanting ALL of the Misfits dolls, including Clash, who BECAME a Hologram if memory serves. Clash? The Misfits? HA!. Clash did have a neon green fur coat. I had her. I never had any of the Misfits. I think Tessa did. And I think I was jealous.

Maybe I'm rambling. I'm pretty sure I am. I'm just not having the most boss of days and blathering is my method of...I don't know. Of feeling like myself. Cause blathering is what I do. And I know not every day can be Halloween. Most days you have to live the day-to-day.

I wish I could take yoga seriously.

She's a runner, rebel, and a stunner.

I'm still on a Halloween high. It's a good place to be.

I was going bananas like a chicken with my head cut off on Halloween. It felt like a PFG show day where I was running on go until my head hit the pillow! First thing in the morning, I was at JoAnn's getting material for my tail and then I cruised to Halloween USA which had been picked CLEAN! I got the last bottle of blood of the Halloween season. It was more like a KEG of blood but thanks to a last minute change up in Aiden's costume (due to weather), the blood went to good use.

Then I hiked out to Akron to see baby Evan James!!! 6 lbs. 15 ounces, 20.5 inches long and God Damn AWESOME. Like Todd, am I not one to shy away from calling a baby ugly if it is. Evan is perfection. I didn't hold him and I wish I would have. On Friday when he was born, I had a slight fever so I waited on visiting him. I didn't want to risk putting my paws all over him. But I will. I will paw that little dude like crazy. He is RAD and both mama and son are doing swell. I love you Jenny Penny!

I got home and got to sewing! Hours and hours and hours of sewing. But it was worth it. The costume came out exactly how I hoped it would. Todd's, too. On the way to my parent's, Todd was really sleepy and off so I was worried this would make for an early evening. But the family function was fun and once we got into the Cleveland Public Theater...it was just a great night. Almost everyone at the party was in costume, the beer was $1, and Zero Boys blew our minds. It was great to see Bob and Stephanie (I'll never get you saying, "What does THIS look like?", out of my mind), Alex, my old pal Paul. But mostly, it was awesome to hang with Tom and Carol. They are fun-havers!

Eventually, T&C decided to switch venues. I thought maybe Todd would want to go with them or head home but I was wrong! He wanted to stay! And we ROCKED OUT! And even when we did get home (circa 2:30ish), we stayed up and watched "Jesus County Fair" which was HEEEEEELARIOUS!! It was by FAR the best Halloween I've had in YEARS, if not the best Halloween EVER! I hope everyone had as good a time as we did.

Now it's back to reality. But I can handle it! It's just fun to be someone/thing else for a short period of time...even if that someone/something else is a squished skunk and a luchador!

Pumpking faces in the night!

BEST. HALLOWEEN. EVER.

We went to the WSCB Masquerade Ball (after some family fun) with the intention of leaving early. But how could we leave early when we were having SO MUCH FUN??? We hung with awesome people (this means YOU, Erin), in awesome costumes (this means YOU, Stephanie)and listened to awesome bands (this does not mean YOU, Fragments). The beer was cheap, the chill time was rad, and the photographic evidence proves that partying with the cream of the Cleveland crop until 2:00am was one of the best decisions we've made lately. We can hardly wait for Halloween 2010!

Living, breathing skunk.

SKUNK ROADKILL!

Hit-n-Run.

Spraying my loving luchador.

Yeah. This guy rules.

Luchador, Sharon Tate & Skunk Roadkill at the WCSB par-tay!

Erin (Sharon Tate!!!) and ME!

With my buddy ALEX MURDER!
TOMMY BONES!


It has been suggested that this be our X-Mas card this year.

Totally. In. Love.

Can't have no dirty dead.

OH. MY. GOD. I jsut got the most bananas news ever and I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT! It involves the previous news that I ALSO couldn't talk about. But it's pretty awesome. And eventually...some time before January...I can talk about it and I WILL, endlessly. So...person that is forcing me to keep a secret...THANKS! I can't wait. Really. And I think a short silver sequined dress for the occasion. A nice combo of both "pretty" and "tacky trapeze artist".

WEEEEEEEE!!!!

I get my copy of "Jesus County Fair" today! I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH IT! Being a crazy hillbilly bride and a stripping/vommiting chicken was the most fun I had all summer. YES!

Todd and I made an impromptu visit to Halloween USA yesterday to gather some last minute tidbits for my costume. During some shower shenanigans, I expressed how I sort of wish I had gone the bloody, gross, gorey route instead of trying to be so damn adorable. And POW! Right off the top of his skull, Todd found a ways to make my adorable costume be bloody, gross and gorey! WEEEEEE! I get to go BACK to the Halloween joint and buy FAKE FLIES, GUTS, MAKE-UP and BLOOD!

BEST SHOPPING LIST EVER!

And since things pretty much seem to be squared away for Halloween, I think we, along with the Shoelanes, are going to end up at the WCSB Masquerade Ball (after my parents Trick-or-Treat shindig). It's a free party and the Zero Boys are playing, along with others that I know nothing about. And I don't know if adult beverages are permitted (help me out with that, Hot Trash). Couldn't gather too much info. I may have to whip out my "What Wouldn't Jesus Do?" flask. What I DO know is that my buddy Erin is one of the DJs for the evening (I'm requesting "Bacon Grease" and "Tastes Like Poison" if you're not going the "spooky only" route) and there is potential for lots of pals to be there.

Since I probably won't blog during the weekend, which starts TODAY with our usual PJs adventure, let me just say the following to all of my boils and ghouls out there...HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEN!!!

This day...anything goes!

Tell me, what's the cause of my condition?

This madness shoots me...

The medical mystery has been solved! Thanks to a test the doc threw in right before I walked out the door (I was beginning to think those vampires liked the way my blood smells), I have some answers. Now I can officially tell everyone who yaps their traps, spouting "Oh, you're ALWAYS sick", to take a flying leap. I AM always sick...but now I know there's a reason. And since I'm stuck with this for life, you can keep any negative comments to yourselves.

The virus I can is incredibly common. My doc said that if she tested herself, she'd probably have it. Todd probably has it. YOU probably have it. The difference is that my condition is chronic and becomes reactivated, making me feel lousy and parading itself around like a cold or flu. And it's both weakened my immune system and caused Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. So I have an explaination as to why I'm always sick and why I'm always tired. The virus is clinging to white blood cells in my throat and immune system therefore I can never shake it.

So what CAN I do?

The doctor prescribed me a drug "which MAY help...but it may not". Reassuring! And it would more or less be helping with the fatigue. But $663 a month for the next 4 months?? Get the Hell out of here. Screw you, pharmacy. Screw you, insurance. That's more than my bills combined. So I'm going the old fashioned route.

I was told to get a lot of quality rest (which is easy cause we like to snooze), lower my stress, get more protein/less sugar, and take the appropriate vitamins/minerals for the conditions: A, B complex, C, E, Magnesium, Selenium, Zinc, & Co-Enzyme Q10. And the amounts I need...we're not talking a multi-vitamin here! I'm going to beat my immune system into shape! I may still be susceptible to everyone's germies, but my body is going to be prepared for battle!

So I fulfilled my promise to Todd and we can get on with our lives.

And hopefully our lives don't include the flu!!

...like bullets smashing glass in a silent movie.

I'm not dead and I'm not for sale.

You got a hitch in your giddyup? Let's see if I can fix it.

I've added a new link to the "I'm Stalking" section (a lot of my daily fixes have stopped updating which disturbs me...I still have Erin, thank sweet zombie Jesus). Carol High Hair has a new blog about the ups-n-downs of unemployment. I love Carol and every word that comes out of her mouth...or fingers in this case. I hope she eventually starts adding the awesome pictures that have been entertaining the Facebook masses to the blog because they are really hilarious. So add Unemployment Crafts to your reading list/blog/Google reader/watching list/whatthehellever because it will make you a better person all around. It's increased my awesomeness by 3%.

Todd and I started walking last night. Since we've sort of been out of the exercise game, we started out just cruising around the block. But it's a BIG block. We'll lengthen the distance after awhile. Who knows? Maybe we'll start walking to PJs on Thursdays. At least on the walk home we'll burn off the alcohol and french fries. I'm not a huge fan or walking and I detest people who jog or run. But I said I'd do whatever to help him drop a few lbs. and I'm on a mission to get healthier before any buns are in this oven. But next time, we're leaving Shelby at home. That dog is a MANIAC!

I'm anxiously awaiting a call from Jen to tell me she's gone into labor. Tomorrow is her due date and according to her, baby is being "bullheaded" and doesn't want to come out. Who would? Not that I would rather be spending my time in a uterus...but the world can be seriously sucko sometimes. He's got a warm, squisky waterbed to chill in all day. But he's making his mama miserable (I don't suspect that he will have any sibs) and we all want to meet him so he needs to get a move on. He's probably waiting for Halloween. Smart fella.

That's exactly what I'm waiting for!

Cause I ain't the way you found me!

I can't even believe what I just heard! Many, many minutes have passed and my mind is still completely blown. I promised I wouldn't talk about it. I had to SWEAR because sometimes secrets eat me alive. I'm much better keeping happy, cheerful secrets that I am at keeping horrible, hurty, painful secrets. This one is definitely a keeper...and not just because I swore.

But let it be known that if I COULD talk about it, I WOULD talk about it because I have things to SAY because you're my FRIEND, person who burdened me with a secret. BUT I CAN'T. And I WANT TO! Listen YOU...person who told me said secret...BLAH! It's eating me alive from the uterus out. That should amuse you, no doubt!!!!

Love you!

I like to feed the flies that I know!

We went to Halloween Express and Spirit Halloween store this weekend and I got sooooo pumped! I heart Halloweeeeeeeeen, and not just because I got engaged on it. I've always been a Halloween buff. Every room in our house has a skull or skeleton or something creepy in it all year round. We're creepy people. We're grown adults who dress up and I love it. Halloween as a kid was ALWAYS amazing. My mom sure knew (and STILL knows) how to do it up. There were a few years tucked in there where my holiday was ruined by...life. But life is good and Halloween will be, too. I so declare!!

But one thing that irks me, and several people I've talked to...why are costumes for kids/tweens/teenagers so sleazy?? Why does a 10 year old even have the OPTION of being a slutty Snow White or slutty school girl? Why can't kids just be KIDS anymore? Some kids I know who I still consider LITTLE are all hung up on brand name clothes and having cell phones (seriously...who are you gonna call?) and being mini-thugs! I know it's outside influence but MAN, if I could go back to being a kid for even a few days, I would. Just to play with Legos and Barbies and eat dinner with my family and watch Blossom or Fraggle Rock and get tucked in. I didn't appreciate it at the time.

If our daughter left the house as a slutty ANYTHING...broken legs.

Green Day is on the radio. Makes me think of Erin. Which is nice.

While on the subject of holidays, I can not WAIT to go to Niagara Falls for New Year's with our pals!!! I like the idea of spending the first few days on the year in another country, even if it's only America's hat! And I got our passport applications today which is really flipping cool. It's something I've never had but always wanted. I also found the perfect dress to wear when 2010 rolls in. Oooh and Todd just got a new suit. How fashionable we'll be...for a change! Jim and I were supposed to get Niagara Falls inspired tattoos during a previously planned trip. I was supposed to get the giant fangs in front of Dracula's Castle on Clifton Hill. I think he was getting a spoon. Why do I think that? Well NOW I'm thinking...first tattoos of 2010! AHAHAHAHAHA! YES!

VIVA!

Please be my partner!

This weekend was exactly what we wanted it to be. Sure, we didn't skip town but we did have boatloads of fun. There was plenty of alone time (we're having some now watching "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia") and plenty of time with good pals. It recharged my batteries a little. To satisfy your appetite for...whatever this nonsense is that I serve...I'll give you some of my favorite weekend pics (YES, I FINALLY took pics when I said I would. GO ME!).

But first...for those worried about my quality of life...

Friday I went to the doctor for my follow-up. All my previous tests were good which didn't really answer why I'm so sick all the time. So she took more blood (the bruise is still there from LAST week), wrote me some scripts to try and boost my immune system and told me to come back in a month. So that's that. Keep taking my viatmins (Todd started me on a nice regimen, even cuts the big pills in half for me like I'm 4), the Lunesta, and the cocktail she's prescibed. We'll see how things are looking next month. It was frustrating to have no answers. But what can I do?

Oh...then there's this. I'm going to start pre-natal vitamins and folic acid. It's been suggested that I can use all the help I can get to prep this machine for a succubus. It's a little freaky but a little exciting. We're not trying until next year but it doesn't hurt to get a jump start. I'm even using some of Jen's advice to "strengthen the uterus for labor". I want Wonder Woman's uterus. Get the sucker out in one push. But that's a ways off. We've got a road trip/cruise in the works that I'm NOT going to miss because someone is dependant upon me! Man, I'm evil.

So, there you have it and here it comes!

PJ Thursday!!

My fellas...and dates every Thursday!

It was a good night.

Buying Todd his 82nd Anniversary card.

Getting the nest ready for date night.

Yeah. I cooked.

From the shop that made our wedding cupcakes.

He loves me...even when I'm greasy from slaving away all day,

Husband.

Chill Night!

Husband & Wife.

Shelby Nova!

Mama & the baby wolf.

Saturday lunch date.

Life is good.

Suit shopping for Halloween...and for life.

On our way to Dave & Buster's.

1st Over & Unders of the night.
xoxoxoxo

The man, the myth, the Joe!

My oldest friend, TMFK!

2nd Over & Unders!!!

So creepy. And awesome.

Boxing!

The dropped-jaws were just a coincidence.

Sharon D. & ME!

Funny business.

Buddies.

Awwwww shucks.

Bed time!

And if you bore me, you'll lose your soul to me.

The smutty list needed to start "The Alphabastards" is done. That quickly. One day. And some of the smuttiest, filthiest words came from the cutest, sweetest people. Makes you wonder what's going on in the brains of some of my pals! They can be some pretty sick tickets...and that's what I love them. So...IT BEGINS!

I love, love, love the fact that after having all kinds of dreams about the circus, Phoebe WENT to the circus last night! And she even sent me a video of the trapeze artist that said, "Was that you??". I didn't get it until this morning but it set the pace for a good day. Which is exactly what I plan on having.

I'm going to (photo)document the entire weekend from the moment I walk in the door tonight. It will make for a fun blog next week. We would've been going bananas with the camera if we were heading to Autumnfest as planned. Our newly formed weekend plans are going to be just as rad so why not go bananas with the camera anyway!? And our Powerhouse Saturdat got revamped. We were supposed to go to Rock Bottom and Howl At The Moon but Sharon is a sicko so we're no longer a foursome. I think us 3 Muskateers might head to Dave-n-Buster's instead. Ahhhh...one of my happy places! Anyway...tonight starts it all off with our usual Thursday and a special appearance by Carol High Hair?!?!?! Rad.

And while we're talking rad...

Tessa Marie Faith,

I implore you to PLEASE get excited about Halloween. This is YOUR holiday! You're the QUEEN! You've dressed up every year since birth. We even went Trick-Or-Treating together. It broke my heart to hear you say you were just going to wear a dress and Mardi Gras-esque mask. Now it's DEMOLISHING my already tainted heart to hear you say you're ready to throw in the towel and wear JEANS?!?! You've ALWAYS dressed up and it's always been something va-voom!! I know this year isn't going to be exactly like other years and you won't be hopping from bar-to-bar for costume contests but PLEASE...you will be upset with yourself if you don't dress up somehow! You were always the fearless person who would be dressed up even if no one else would be. Don't let this be the one Halloween that goes down the tubes! Watch "The Worst Witch" and get creepy already! I say this out of love.

Regards,
Lacey Marie Angela

So I guess that's all for now. See you Monday...with pictures!

Mother! Father! Look at your little monster!

I know the single coolest, most amazing, hilarious, insanely creative and creatively insane people on this planet or any other. I'd challenge anyone who tries to deny that FACT to a fist fight. And I'd win.

I have a new series of paintings in the work based on each letter of the alphabet and its correspondance to a smutty word! I asked for suggestions as I was looking for things beyond "P is for Penis" and more like "W is for Whisker Biscuit". These people, my friends, are REALLY rallying with the suggestions. Some have been so hilariously vile that I thought I would throw up in my mouth while simultaneously wetting my drawers in hysterics. How will I paint "The Alphabastards" without going bananas? I guess bananas is a good place to go!

I'm in such a wildly good mood. Smile plastered on my face kinda mood. Silly. I guess that's a good way to describe it. I feel goofy! I'm so excited for this weekend and all the fun we've managed to sandwich in (PJ Thursday, Chill Night Friday, Powerhouse Saturday, Touchdown Sunday). It's just the right amount of out and about and kicking it homestyle. I'm also so excited for a friend of ours who is starting a new life. She's fun to be around, always up for a good time, and deserves good things to come her way. And I'm excited for Jen who was 1 centimeter dilated last week and crossing fingers for a big 3 tomorrow! I know she's mierable and would rather have the little dude out and rather than hope for a Halloween birthday. And I'm excted about "The Alphabastards", ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I need to keep focusing on the little things that make life fun. Going and doing and panning and spending and travelling and recovering and being on go-go-go-go all the time isn't all that's awesome and exciting in life. Eating dinner at home with Todd and then watching movies in a nest rocks. Planning to make a baby blanket out of old concert t-shirts for Evan (come on already, buddy!) is fun. A brand new sketch book and fresh pencils is top notch.

Having friends that say "L is for Lady Gravy" is pretty sweet, too.

LIFE. IS. GOOD!

...

Yessssss! STILL GOOD!

Such a pretty face but she's not regretful.

Man, I hope someone watched 'How I Met Your Mother' last night.

TANTRUM!

I look cute today. Is that wrong to say outloud? I don't give a fig. I guess at least I'm being honest. Brutal honesty is my new thang so, besides the hideous purple and green bruise on the top of my hand, I look cute. And I feel cute. The last few days I've felt very much like a non-adorable zombie or some other sort of animated corpse that was going through the scripted motions. Today, I'm back to being me, all awesome and adorable. And God BLESS Lunesta! I don't care if there have been reported cases of people driving and eating and making phone calls with no recollection!

Grrrrrr. It looks like Autumnfest might be scratched from our weekend which makes me feel like... OK, sorry for the interruption. After reporting to Todd that Autumnfest doesn't looks like it's in the cards (sniff), he first said he'd scratch up the rest of the money. When i told him that wasn't necessary, he said we need to come up with somewhere else to go on the cheap (he's feeding my need for a road trip). And after I said that was really unnecessary, he said he wants "an alone romantic weekend". So we're both digging through our brains and resources to put a rad weekend together...together. I'm not so "grrrrrrr" about missing out on Autumnfest anymore. There's a solid Skunk-n-Weasel weekend in the works...and actually, the plan is SET! From the time he gets off work on Friday until we go to bed Sunday, planned-n-awesome. PUMPED!

Phoebe had another circus sideshow dream! This time I wasn't alone with an elephant. Todd was the ringmaster and I was still doing all my trapeze business. I like that even in other people's dreams, we're together, being awesome. But what IS going on in Bizzle's brain??? I told her to pretend the trapeze artist is shacking up with the ringmaster while she's at the actual circus this week. She's smart enough to assume they aren't as cool as Todd and I would be if it were OUR circus. Maybe these dreams are trying to tell her that we're all unhappy with the working wolrd and need to start a circus! How RAD! How unfathomably RAD!

Begin random blather...NOW!

I pulled all my acrylic wedding nails off. They're not for me. I am craaaaaaazy good with chopsticks and wish I had some Japanese non-sushi food right now. Karen is ready to start Pussyfootin' again. I hope Sarah is seriously interested. Carol and I had a funny convo about Tequila. I compared my relationship with it to Romeo & Juliet. I wish it was Thursday already. The weekend is so chock full of awesomeness that I'm antsy. Todd just reminded me that I love Nancy Grace. She's a bitch but she is ALWAYS prepared.

'Nuff said.

I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert.

It's hard to tell the truth sometimes. To just open yourself up and spill your guts on the pavement, no matter who you're spilling them to. It makes you hurt in places you didn't know could hurt. But it hurts worse to hold things inside and bury them deeply. I assume there are deeply buried tumors filled with nothign but hurt. Life is hard. I miss when life was easy and all you had to worry about was if your mommy put a treat in your lunch bag and hoping you could stay up all night at the slumber party. She always did and I always could so life was good. Simple. I could go for a big scoop of that right about now. Luckily, Phoebe helped make a long list of things that are awesome (in my humble opinion) so that is helping me with my upside down frown.

SPEAKING of "Upside Down Frown"...

They Might Be Giants blew my mind right outta my head! Yes, they played the ENTIRE "Flood" album, as promised, but they also played 'James K. Polk', 'Shoehorn With Teeth', 'Here Come The Elements', 'The Sun Is A Mass...', 'The Sun Is a Miasma', 'Shooting Star', 'We're The Mesopotamians'...and I'm SURE I'm forgetting a few others but weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I loved every minute of it. I loved having Todd's fingers in my belt loops. I loved seeing my sister have such a great time. I loved buying a t-shirt. I loved it all. I think it was the 10th time I've seen them and it was by far the best. And I'm not just saying that because there were sock puppets wearing coffee cups for hats! Happy 20th Anniversary, They!

And Happy 1 Month Anniversary to us. I got theeeeee most beautiful flowers for Sweetest Day (I don't care if it's a made up holiday...Todd could have said they were for "Non-Aplicator Tampon Day" and I could have loved them all the same). They are enormous lillies and they were this orangey-red-alienesque color. It was a nice surprise. I want to wear one in my hair. Maybe I will on the way to Autumnfest.

Before we hit the road on Friday, I have to pop by the doc and get my test results. So I had my physical, which wasn't very physical at all. It was basically just a buncha bleeding. I gave my mile long list of illnesses with a star next to what I've had this year alone. She's running a whole kajigger of tests to pinpoint the problem...didn't take enough blood from my arm to get the info she needed so we had to resort to the hand. Stupid tattoos and their vein-hiding properties! She gave me a boatload of samples for Lunesta which has been working GREAT so far but I thought it was odd she's give it to me since I told her I both have athsma and will be trying to get pregnant. Whatever. If baby has three arms, it'll be more useful! So my shotty immune system was discussed, my sleeping issues are temporarily covered, and on Friday, we'll hopefully be on track for any future baby-making. And the pneumonia vaccine? Check! And ouch! So there you have it. Friday we'll know why my body hates me.

I guess that's it. I covered my weird mood, the show, the doctor, getting flowers. Throw in "Ugly Betty season 3" and chicken paprikash and I think we're got everything covered...for now.

Don't let the fire rush to your head!

Songs by The Alan Parsons Project make me uncomfortable and creeped out for an unexplainable reason. I can't listen to them when I'm alone. Or at night. Or when lost in the car. Or if it's raining. Or I've got my period. Or when I'm angry, sad, or on the verge of angry or sad tears.

...

NOTE TO SELF: No time is a good time for Alan Parsons Project.

Phoebe had a dream last night that I was a circus performer. I was a trapeze artist and did some sort of flip landing on an elephant's head in a "TA-DA" sort of way. That's exactly how it was described to me. TA-DA! What I was wearing wasn't described to me but I have to believe it was a sickening explosion of glitter and sequins topped off by a head full of feather and face full of lashes. She said I seemed right at home in the dream. I imagine I would be. Circus Performer would be a dream job. Running off to Coney Island isn't an option.

But PFG is! And there are 2 gals interested. Time to rally.

So some unexpected radness developed today and we're pumped as we usually are abotu all things rad. Jim is gathering up a bunch of the coolest couples in town to go to Niagara Falls for New Year's Eve. Anyone who knows me knows I love it there. And anyone who knows me knows the last time I went there was...odd. When I presented the opportunity to Todd, we were IN! We need to wrangle up some passports but we needed those anyway since we plan to travel the world (I just learned about this on the honeymoon but I'm SO up for it). Ringing in 2010 at The Falls with my pals...while possibly wearing a bright blue wig...sounds ideal. And rad!

The NEW Countdown That Is My Life!
1 day until They Might Be Giants!
8 days until our Autumnfest weekender!
13 days until Jen's spawn is due!
16 days until Halloween!
23 days until Todd's birthday!
36 days until "New Moon" opens!
55 days until Los Straitjackes!
71 days until the 1st X-Mas I've ever been excited about!
77 days until NYE in Niagara Falls!
115 days until my 31st birthday!
165 days until our 2 year (dating) anniversary!
179 days until Key West & Cozumel!
229 days until Heavy Rebel!

We'll be back after these words from out sponsor.

Until I get it I can't breathe.

So I made a deal with Todd that as soon as the wedding was over I would make an appointment with an ACTUAL doctor (one that I could go to every time I am sick...so we should be great friends in the next few months, blech) to get all of my health issues under control. 30 years of constantly being sick has taken it's toll on me and those around me and my husband doesn't want me to die at an early age. He already knows that unlike some women who want their widowed husbands to move on and date again, I want him to mourn my zombie bones for eternity. My aunt recommended a doc, I kept my word and I have a date with her on Thursday to:

-discuss my lifetime of illness (Pneumonia 5 or 6 times, once resulting in broken ribs...and that's just the tip of the iceberg) and see if I have some sort of compromised immune system. There has to be some sort of drug therapy that can stop me from catching what everyone else has. There HAS to be.

-see what can be done about my neverending sleeplessness because I'm becoming immune to the over-the-counter remedies and I don't believe in any of the hippie-ish methods like deep breathing and herbs. The less sleep I get, the more likely I am to rip your heart out with my hands.

-start preparing this body for the 40 week task of growing a little monster inside. Some time next year, we want to cook up a lil' skunk or weasel and I want to be in tip-top condition before that happens or I'll never bounce back! I know how slowly I recover and there's no time to recover when another person depends on you to, well, exist.

So it's on. Hopefully there's nothing fishy going on.

What else is on the menu?

Halloween! My costume is going to be both comfortable and rad and I'm going bananas with anticipation! We got engaged on Halloween (I still count it as Halloween even if it was after midnight) so it's pretty cool that 1 year later, we're hitched! We're going to my parents' annual Trick-or-Treat par-tay and then hanging with The Shoe-Lanes. I'm not sure what we'll be up to but whatever it is...I will be in costume! I've decided that sexy costumes are out, and comfort is KEY! In addition to my costume's awesomness, I can bowl in it, watch a movie in it, go to a bar in it, whatever I want! And I'll be just ADORABLE!!! Sorry...I'm just really pumped for the holidays this year! Who knew?

I had recently been commenting on how a lot of my pals were down-n-out and bummed and blue and I how I was useless as far as helping them out of their slumps. Well, I've recently realized that a lot of my friends are totally bananas in LOVE these days! So hooray for those guys! Especially Erin and Josh...I'm totally their "get married NOW" cheerleader. I know 3 separate couples that are getting married around Halloween next year and Lord KNOWS at least 2 of those events are going to be a rockin' good time!!! I love me a wedding!

Next up: deciding if I want to start nursing school in the spring!

I'm in a good mood. Good things are ahead!

Won't you please fawn over me?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

And now that THAT is out of my system...

The beginning portion of the weekend was icky. Icky for Todd, me, my bestie, and all the people I had to cancel the Friday hangout on. Yeah, the first part of the weekend stunk...like someone had tossed their cookies...because someone had. But things shaped up and yesterday was a totally blissful day. I made veggie soup and Halloween cupcakes, we played board games and watched football (and How I Met Your Mother...best show on TV), and we just kicked it married-life style. The only thing that was missing from my domestic awesomeness was an adorable apron!

OOH! The subject of putting a bun in the oven came up! Out of nowhere! And it wasn't brought up my me! It was a little surprising but also kind of fun to talk about. It was more or less a "when do you wanna try" kind of discussion that centered around not wanting X-Mas offspring because they get screwed out of rad birthdays. Who can compete with the birth of Jesus...or whatever...? Regardless...I know that when a little skunk or weasel comes into the picture some of my friends will disappear. That's disappointing but it's also lame. Love us, love our evil spawn, that's what I say!!!

"Zombieland" was amazing in a sense that is was gross, hilarious, and cool all wrapped into one. Seeing it with Tessa was a major perk. That girl knows me, and I like it! I also like when I order a beer and there are fresh blueberries floating in it. Neat!! But while the movie, the food/bevvies, and Tessa were all awesome...the fact that Sno-Caps have not been sold at the last 2 movie theaters I've been to is a bummer. Who do you think you are Cinemark and Regal Cinemas?? I cleaned out what Giant Eagle had in stock in order to prepare myself for our next movie adventure. So if you haven't seen "Zombieland", go see it. Twice. And bring your own Sno-Caps.

Also on the topic of zombies...

I wish I could have gone to Monroeville Mall yesterday to celebrate World Zombie Day as I dub myself a zombie a lot of the time. It's the largest gathering of zombies in the world and "Dawn Of The Dead" was shot there. My friend Alex (from Cult Of The Psychic Fetus who were performing yesterday) even took a shot of a sign at the mall stating that fact. Sigh. I wasn't the only one who missed out so I don't feel too sore about it. Next year I will make up for everything I missed this year...Heavy Rebel, Road Rash Bash, World Zombie Day. Hooray for 2010!

And with that, I say...Stinson OUT!

Life has new meaning to me.

I haven't blogged about anything but wedding nonsense for so long! For anyone following along, I posted the final sections, Reception & Honeymoon, but my favorite pictures will be added to them tomorrow, so check back! If you care, that is. If not, go kick rocks, suckah! So...now that I'm all hitched (20 days and counting, y'all), I can get back to talking shit and wrecking things, which I'm sure is how you prefer me. Moving right along, footloose and fancy free!

If you want to be in a REALLY good mood and start your day off right...or if you have kids that you want to listen to quality music and NOT have "Stanky Leg" as a favorite song like some kids I know (kids too young to be listening to that trash)...then listen to "Triops Has Three Eyes" by They Might Be Giants! It made me so happy on the ride home last night that I listened to it before I went to bed and again on the ride to work. "Here Come The 1 2 3s" might not be the best out of the 4 They Might Be Giants childrens albums, but that song is so happy...without being annoying...and oddly soothing, but not sleepy. Give it a try. If it works, you can thank me. If it doesn't, I'll give you a nickle (which really helps me because I have an irrational hatred of nickles).

Todd and I are going to Autumnfest in PA soon. I'm really pumped because autumn is my favorite season and I love all that goes along with it: hoodies, pumpkins (and pumpkin related foods like pie and roll), cider, leaves, fires, Halloween...all that jazz. And all that jazz will be going down at Autumnfest. Tons of food, beer, stuff to see and do, musicians, Circus performers, pure awesomeness. And we've been to this spot in PA before. Some of my favorite pics of us are from this spot. Todd's super psyched. I love when we're both into doing something. Makes it more rad. Plus I've been dying to go on a lengthy car ride...especially since my new I-pod is STOCKED! 3 hours rockin' out in the car with my husband. F-U-N!!!

Speaking of fun, I think the weekend will be pretty solid. It's Thursday so of course we'll be where we always are. I love Thursdays. I love knowing we'll at least get out of the house 1 day a week. Not that I don't love our house. It's rad. Moving on. Friday I get to catch up on all the shows I taped this week and then we're having some pals over to just chiiiiiill and get CHILLY! Our margarita machine makes thee most intense and amazing frozen drinks! Saturday we get to be lazy which is nice. Then we'll truck on out to Jen's Halloween party...unless the baby comes first! I'm ready for that baby!!! Then Sunday...it's typically a lazy day. Football if it's on. We finally got a rad grill so maybe we'll do a little grilling. Just take it easy before the work week punches us in the eyesockets. I'm psyched about this weekend. I'm psyched about a lot of things.

Like my next project: turning the basement back into a chill spot!

I feel like I've been talking forever. Oh well. You know what? I'm worried about some of my friends. Several of them seem to be going through tough times right now. And varying levels and degress of "tough". And I can't help any of them. I hate that. I hope things get straightened our with their relationships, employment, whatever it is. I hate to see my pals not acting like themselves and not being treated the way they deserve to be. And now I'm done being nice...because...well...is it wrong that 2 things that have recently happened to the person I hate most in the world really made me chuckle?? Believe me, if you knew this sorry excuse for a human being (and some of you readers do!), you'd chuckle to! Won't you join me??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Will the planes ever collide?

9/19/09 CONTINUED...AND FINISHED!!!

HONEYMOON

I woke up early and showered. I didn't feel so hot. It wasn't a hangover by any means. It was a combination of adrenaline still pumping and a rush of concern over the fact that I FORGOT WE NEEDED OUR BIRTH CERTIFICATES TO GET ON THE SHIP!!! I was not going to be able to relax until we had them in hand. I was in a panic! How could I plan everything so perfectly and forget birth certificates?? My new in-laws picked us up downtown and drove us home where we dropped off old luggage and gifts and picked up new luggage...and birth ceritifcates!!!! WHEW! Said goodbye to the pets, reloaded the car and were off!

I love, love, love airports. I love knowing I'm going somewhere else. I love buying trashy magazines and snacks. And we got there at a perfect time! We breezed through check-in, security, bought US, People and some Flips, got on the plane, fell asleep on the plane, and woke up in Ft. Lauderdale. Getting on the boat was just as smooth!!! But the rest is a blur! We got in our cabin (rad), napped, went to a meeting about what to do if we're sinking, went back to our cabin (still rad) and slept the night away! We didn't even go to dinner!!

The next morning we woke up refreshed and in Key West! We had breakfast and got off the ship! Went to the Southern Most Point of the U.S., toured Hemmingway's house, saw the lighthouse, saw the oldest house in Key West, saw the tattoo parlor (ha!), and hit many bars, including the pirate bar where we had lunch. We napped before dinner and then chowed down! Basically, you can assume that any day we got OFF the boat, we got back on, napped, went to dinner, chowed down, had a drink, and went to bed. We never made it past 9:30pm!!!! Days when we STAYED on the ship, you an assume there was plenty more drinking, gambling, swimming, hot tubbing and fun.

It was raining when we got to Grand Cayman. We still walked around but we cancelled our beach excursion. Eventually we were fed up and returned to the boat. Screw you, Grand Cayman! But we made up for it on the boat. SO many daquiris. My brain is still frozen. I said I was going to wear bikinis and drink umbrella drinks and I DID!! We fared better in Jamaica. We went to Dolphin Cove and swam with 8 foot Nurse sharks and sting rays. Todd thought they felt like slippery pancakes. So cute! We sampled Jamaican rum, walked the trails and saw colorful birds and HUGE spiders, took pictures of dolphins and iguanas and we were off to Dunn's River Falls. We climbed the waterfall...took about an hour. It WAS beautiful but the climb was not my thing. Todd liked it so it wasn't a waste. It was something we can say we did. We climbed a famous waterfall top to bottom!!

Maybe it doesn't sounds like we did a lot but we DID! That's why we had to nap AND go to bed early every day. We were exhausted! But rest assured, my $300 in Victoria's Secret swag did not go to waste! Enough smut. The last day WAS kind of fun eventhough it was sad. We got a bucket of beers, a daquiri and a Mai Tai and brought them back to our room while I packed. We had a good time at a dinner with our table pals. We swam one last time. We hot tubbed one last time. We got our money's worth and I would definitely saw it was exactly what a honeymoon should be! And it continued when we got home! As I previously blogged, we slept in, there were tattoos, friends came over, we went to Sushi Rock with T&C, a new kitchen floor was put in...there was a lot of fun once we came back to Cleveland. And our 1st PJ Thursday as married people? HA HA HA HA! AWESOME! I can't even tak about it. Too ridiculous.

So you've heard it all. We got married and we honeymooned! Now we're knee-deep into our life together. Sure, it doesn't really feel different. From the 1st day he came over, he never left. We've spent minimal time apart during our entire relationship. So it felt like we were already married...that's what Rocko kept saying, too. But it has been fun to throw around "wife" and "husband" and be called "Mrs. Gansert". I felt a little down early this week...like I was crashed. Jen said it was probably postwedding depression...much like the postpartum depression she's been studying up on. She said I need to think positive thoughts like "now we can make babies!!!!" but quickly retracted and said I probably need something less stressful right now like "I'm a wife and can do wife things like make cupcakes in a cute apron!!!". After a rest, I'd like to both. Possibly simulatenously! Thanks for reading. You're officially free! The wedding/honeymoon are done. TIME TO START LIVIN'!

PICS FROM THE HONEYMOON WILL BE ADDED FRIDAY!

THE END!

The beat's really hot!

9/19/09 CONTINUED!

RECEPTION

We got to the reception and my mind was blown. Everything looked great. It was certainly full but not as body-to-body as I thought it would be with 218 guests. We mingled and drank our signature drink, The Bubble YUM, and just tried to de-stress a little. That didn't last long due to some sitches with our caterer but you know what? I can't dwell on that now. I will later in a strongly worded letter! The photobooth was a HIT! And I've got like 180 strip pictures to prove it! You can tell which people loved it because they were in and out all night and you can see their steady decline into mega-party-mode! Even my Hello Kitty bride got in the photobooth!!!!

The bridal party was announced by the one and only Tommy Bones and we made our big entrace as Mr & Mrs to The Munsters theme song. From what I hear, the food blew minds! I sort of picked at it here and there. A lot is expected out of the bride and groom at a reception so I still had nerves. Once we finished, we walked table to table and thanked everyone for coming. That part was actually pretty fun. We posed for pictures and heard everyone tell us how the food rocked, everything looked rad and that it was a beautiful ceremony. Thumbs up! And whateverone told me was true...you only see everyone for about 1 minute each. But they were good minutes!

Things got a late start and our table-to-table business was taking longer than we planned so we skipped over our 1st dance and our Father/Daughter dance. There was some friction between Mr & Mrs but that's because we were stressed! The lady paid to set the pace and solve the problems was MIA so it was up to us. Not exactly what we wanted to do. We calmed ourselves down, got our smooch on, and got back in the swing. 1st I tossed the bouquet...far more ladies came up for that than I expected...to "She-Devil" by Cult Of The Psychic Fetus. My nephew's girlfriend, Roni, caught it! I'm still laughing!! Then we used our switchblade ot cut the (cup)cake. No smashing in faces. That was grounds for divorce. We did feed it to each other though. Cute. Traditional. I heard plenty of other people smashed cupcakes in faces. And the cupcakes themselves? HIT! They went like hotcakes!!

After that, it was dance time. And I was worried abotu peopole not dancing for no reason. They danced! And my friends Lisa and Brian danced the HELL out of "Beat It". Amazing. I am so glad we picked our own music because I was pumped about every jam I heard!!! Todd and I got in a few slow dances but he used the time I was boogie-ing to catch up with his pals, especially Brian who flew in from Hawaii. I had a blast. It just went by so quickly. The next thing I knew, "$100 Hangover" was playing...while I was dancing with Sugar...and people started filing out. It was a success. It was beyond anything I could have imagined or hoped for.

We got back to the hotel and realized we didn't have our key! So there we wiated in the hallway in our dress and tux wit a cart full of presents and cards. A drunk Ohio State fan wobbled by and told me I looked hot. I think it made Todd proud! Once we got in, the adrenaline was flowing so we opened our loot. While we loved everything we got, we laughed the most at 6 pint glasses from John Jackson that read Fucker, Douchebag, Bitch, Pimp, Ho and Hot Mess! We've used them several times already. Once all was said and done, it was lights out some time around 2:30am. After all, we had a 9:00am plane!!

PICTURES FROM THE RECEPTION WILL BE ADDED ON FRIDAY!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Wake up to your face against the mornign sun.

9/19/09 CONTINUED!

PICTURES

Not too much to say about this part of the day. The party bus dropped us off at the location of our wedding shower. Such a RAD place, and also a photo studio. My parents had been there earlier and stocked the joint with sandwiches, chips, cookies, fruit, soda, milk, etc. It was so nice of them because we were all hungry and one person was eating for two! We took some time to kick off our shoes, talk, relax, pop a few bottles, crack open some beers. I finally got a chance to just fall into Todd's arms and "have a moment". It felt so good to hear him call me "wife" and get our smooch on.

Once break time was over, husband, wife, best man and MOH went on the roof and acted a fool for the camera. Then we came back down and girls went one way, boys the other. Then we all got together. The pictures really are amazing. They're tottally photo journalistic...caught us doing things we'd normally do and making faces we'd normally make. I love them. He loves them. Everyone who has seen them loves them. After shots were shot, we spent more time goofing off and chilling.

Then back on the bus and off to the parrrrrrtay!


Here are my favorite pics from the "photoshoot"!

Bride & Groom on the roof

Bride & Groom...still on the roof

Thumb wrestling...how we got our 1st date

*blush*

How we roll

Sneak attack!

Best friends

Carol High Hair & Weasel

Smooch after Mohawk grooming

Switchblade!!!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Share a toothbrush. You're my kinda man.

9/19/09 CONTINUED!

CEREMONY

Finally I was called out to stand by the girls and my dad. They brought Todd out and the fellas started their walk. Then one by one, my ladies...my calming agents...disappeared down the aisle. Then it was Aiden and Molly's turn...she took the cake, man. Adorable. I'd post pics but I don't want to exploit the underaged. Next thing I knew, the music changed, everybody stood, and off we went. I tried to smile and not look phony. I tried not to walk too fast. I tried to focus on Todd. He looked like he was going to throw up. It was not a calming face I was walking to. He later told me...and it was confirmed by the best man...that he felt like he was going to cry. And that it wouldn't be able to be stopped. So he bottled it up. I started to cry before my dad and I walked down. I, too, bottled it up. I finally pinned it down. It wasn't really that I was NERVOUS. It's that I was ANXIOUS...to see Todd.

The rest of the ceremony went nice and smooth. We had such tight grips on each other. We didn't fumble over vows, we didn't drop rings, we didn't freak out or pass out. We were calm-ish. The song Rocko wrote and performed for us blew minds. I was told by many that it was at that point that they cried. Rocko is rad and everyone should be so lucky as know him, let alone have him write and perform a special song at their wedding. The next thing I knew, we were pronounced man and wife, sealed it with a kiss, and were walking down the aisle as Mr and Mrs! And for the record, Jen was the 1st person to call me Mrs. Gasnert after it was actually so.

We didn't have much time to bask in the awesomeness of being married after such a 322 day countdown because we had minimal time to take photos with the kids in the church. It was a kid-free reception so that was the time. We hammered out those necessary shots (which I'm not going to post...don't want to post pics of the kid for their own privacy...same with our families...same with a lot of the beautiful, fun, quirky posed shots...I need to keep somethings to ourselves) and then ran outside to a waiting bunch of hooligans! They clapped and cheered and it felt pretty awesome. Phoebe said that you could see the genuine love and happiness on our faces. I agree.

We boarded the party bus, I copped a seat on my husband's lap and we were on our way to unwide and mug for the camera. It felt so good to just sit for a minute...to just BE with Todd. To be his wife! It was exactly how I had pictured the wedding in my mind. I'm glad we went the traditional route. Traditions like that have lasted through time for a reason. Or something like that. I don't know. Phoebe said it. We could have gotten married in our pajamas in the living room with the dog and cat for all I cared. But to do what we did and say what we said in front of all the people we love...it was really rad.

Here are my favorite pics from the ceremony!

Love

Old Stone Church

Mr. and Mrs.

Best Dressed bridesmaid & best friend

Us...married...

TO BE CONTINUED...

I can't explain so I won't even try to.

9/19/09 CONTINUED!!!

The Morning Of...

I woke up around 6:00am and knew that there wasn't going to be anymore sleep. I tried texting Todd but he COULD sleep. Lucky devil. So I showered. A long, drawn out, "washing the nerves down the drain" kind of shower. Room service that we ordered the night before came. Becky and Tim rolled their room service over and we popped a bottle. Yep, we kept champagne iced in a garbage can. Classy! I had a Mimosa and some oatmeal and once we gathered up Carol, we hit the road.

The flowers for the centerpieces (and my hair) were supposed to be HOT pink and were light pink. Not a big deal outside of the fact that I didn't want light pink flowers in my hair. A detour to a Giant Eagle found ONE BUNCH of hot pink Gerber daisies! So we high-tailed it to the best hairstylist on the planet (she did my 'do for FREEEE) and got pampered. For a very short time, my nerves were GONE but still no word from the groom. I was worried about having a Sex and The City: The Movie moment. Finally at 9:02am the cell blows up. "HAPPY WEDDING DAY! 00000000 days!". Whew! The countdown was over and all was good! And the weather was PERFECT!!! Blue sky, warm weather, beautiful.

And our hair looked rad! Better than I could have expected. Now, the stupid Ohio State game was making traffic a nightmare. I started to panic. I felt physically ill. We rolled up to the hotel where the best Maid Of Honor in the world had everything we needed already in the lobby. Now we just had to wait for the party bus which was also a victim of the Ohio State traffic. That's when the nerves went into full affect!!! When we got on the bus it was bad but when we got to the church it was worse. Plus, I wasn't nervous about marrying Todd so it was a feeling I couldn't place. I was just being a typical bride.

We ran into the Old Stone Church and the rest of my bridal party, my mom, Todd's mom, tons of ladies were all waiting in my bride's room. That made me even MORE bananas. All eyes on me! And like THAT I had my one and only Bridezilla moment. My bouquet was supposed to have lilies...that was the one thing that set it apart from the rest...and they looked like...I don't even know what!!! HIDEOUS!!! I started ripping them out! Becky offered to use that as her bouquet (it still looked like the rest just a little more...spacious and green). My aunt calmed me a little and then my mom helped me get in my dress.

And then I waited. And waited. And waited.

And then they took my ladies away and I waited. Alone.

And then it was time.

Here are my favorite pre-ceremony pics!

After hair-n-make up

Jenny Penny in her perty curlers

Hot, hot, hot bridesmaids

The groom & best man

With my mom's wedding hanky

TO BE CONTINUED...

You smile & think how much you've changed.

So here it goes. I'll do my best to tell the tale without boring you to death or stressing my fingers out. I guess I'll break it up a little for y'all...and for me! This might not be the funniest or most creative series of blogs I've ever written but they will be what happened. I don't need any flash and dazzle to hand you the facts. I'll also toss in a few of my favorite pics from each part. We have about 1,000 so you're just getting a taste. So where to start?? At the beginning!

Rehearsal!

On Friday the 18th we ran around like psychotic chickens!!! Boatloads of stuff had to go to the caterer, I had get my nails done (how fancy), we had to pack for the honeymoon, we had to pack for the hotel, I had to finish my bridesmaid gift bags, I had to keep my HEAD SCREWED ON! By the time Becky and Tim picked us up to go downtown, man...I've never seen such a little car hold so much stuff. Becky and Tim were a huge help! Love you guys! We checked in to the Wyndham (raaaad), I showered my filthy self, and the next thing I knew, we were at the church running through the most important day of my life.

Despite one bitchy wedding coordinator, it was great. Our reverend was right...saying all the words out loud made me feel less nervous. But it didn't make me feel less emotional. I DID cry at the rehearsal! It surprised no one more than it surprised me! After running through the ceremony from top to bottom and having all questions answered (when do we do this...where do we go when...blah blah blah), we headed over to Rock Bottom Brewery for dinner and drinks. From what I could tell, everyone had a blast! I gave the gals their "thanks for being my bridesmaids" bags...customized sterling silver necklaces, Lip Smackers, funny perfumes, and cards. I'm a good gift giver, if I do say so myself! The guys got their gifts, too. We ate, we drank...but I was VERY quiet.

I couldn't really eat my dinner. I sent it home with Jen. I was starting to feel nerves and was getting anxious about leaving Todd. When our party started to clear out, Todd and I shared a big, lingering hug. We've only ever spent a few nights apart from one another so we were NOT happy. But we wanted this chance to be apart and long to see each other, I guess. After a LOT of hugging and kissing and "I love you" exchanging, we parted ways. I gave him the same stuffed skunk I gave my flower girl...it would take my place. I'm his skunk! He ended up at home and I ended up in the hotel pool with pals. We swam, we hot tubbed...Todd and I texted a lot. I made it back up to the room with Phoebe where we watched Project Runway, painted our toenails, and talked...until we were sleeping. I slept from 11:00 - 1:30 and 2:00 - 6:00. I was a WRECK!

I WAS GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING!

Here are my top photos from rehearsal day!

Todd in Phoebe's dress

Fellas

See ya later, Pops

Maid Of Dis-Honor

Pool party with one of my besties

TO BE CONTINUED...

Foolishness came by and we're downtown.

Still no time to write. Enjoying week 2 of the Honeymoon. Drinking on our couch and watching "My Name Is Earl" season 4 after a night of Sushi Rock with the Schuliens. This week there have been home improvements, matching tattoos, margarita machine madness with the Duttons, Olive Garden, spending cash, and much more to come!

I have not abandon you! I'm just enjoying life!

Your lips belong to me!

I'm married! I have been for a week as of today!

I promise to fill you in on the details of the wedding weekend and honeymoon. It's just a LOT right now. And I'm still ON my honeymoon for another 11 days. I just wanted to say HEY! And to let you know that I will document everything as soon as I can. But for now...I just want to be a wife.

There are self taken and friend taken photos on Facebook. Honeymoon pics, too. The professional photo business comes later. Just use those to wet your pallet!

I'm a WIFE! Weeeeeeee!!!

Oooooh, you make me live!

I forgot how much I loved the zoo until I was there. And being there with Phoebe, a person who hates most things, made it even more entertaining. This doesn't make me a wuss or anything but...animals are SUPER cute. MOST animals. Not birds, even if they're considered majestic. And robotic dinosaurs are scary. Really scary. In the event of Lacey vs. Dinosaurs, dinosaurs would win. For sure. Because my heart would explode in my chest upon seeing one, as it almost did when Phoebe and I were alone in a creepy part of the zoo gawking at a giant robotic T-Rex. I became uncomfortable. I clearly have no survivial skills. Regardless, I love the zoo and Phoebe for taking me. Sadly, my pictures were lost so I have nothing to show off. Maybe she can hook me up with some.

I'm getting married this week. Bananas.

I guess I don't really have much to say. I have so much to do to get ready for this weekend and then 2 weeks of honeymooning that my mind is really clogged. I thought blathering here would help me empty a little bit so I could get organized. But I think it's too crowded up there to even blog properly. I am looking forward to the wedding and the reception. I AM. I don't want to say "I can't wait until it's over". But I am TRULY looking forward to the honeymoon. I don't have to plan anything. I don't HAVE to do ANYTHING. I can just turn my brain OFF and coast. I just want to coast.

I know exactly what you want.

We're getting married in 10 days and not only am I still sick but I feel like I may be getting WORSE. I'm feeling exactly how I felt when this whole monstrosity of an illness began. Maybe it's my fault for not going to a doctor but who can afford that? I certainly can't with all the wedding related stuff I've shelled out scratch for over the past few weeks. And I can't go to the doctor every time I have the sniffles. But who knew these sniffles/cough would last 9 days and counting? This is the pits, man. At least I'm sleeping through the night. Then again, I'm spitting into a garbage can. So they probably cancel each other out.

I'm not a happy camper today.

My bachelorette party is in 3 days. That's something to look forward to. Put a little pep in my step. Phoebe is taking me to the zoo, weather permitting, which is awesome because I haven't been there since...probably the last time I went with Phoebe. Then I guess we're going to dinner somewhere. I've been instructed to be hungry, be comfortable, and be adorable. I can cover all of those things I think. Those are the kinds of demands I like! Then it's off to the all-chick shin-dig, followed by the co-ed shindig. It's going to be a long day, a long night, and I really can't wait. If I die before then, it would really be a shame.

I started getting all philosophical and introspective about...me, I guess. I erased it. Fuck that noise. Sitting around, getting deep, is really only going to put me in a worse mood. And being in a worse mood is not going to help my health improve in the next 10 days. I'm probably being punished for making fun of yoga. And I am certain I will be punished for plotting to destroy a cricket that is somewhere close to where I am. I can't find it but when I do, it's stoppin' time. I get stomped on enough already so it won't be anything new. Silencing this cricket forever will be worth it. Now where are you hiding, my pet??

All I did was talk...talk about you.

HELLO 500th POST! Damn, you're stunning.


500 posts. Amazing. People might say it's a giant time suck but I have YEARS...probably THEE most important years...of my life documented. The highs, the lows, the living. It's all documented. I can relive it all if I want to. I can read ANYTHING and remember exactly how I felt at any given moment in time. Sometimes I can even remember what I was wearing. I've just jam-packed a lot into 30 years. For example...


College, the first man (and alcoholic) I ever lived with, losing my tonsils, losing my appendix, losing my wisdom teeth, losing friends, eloping, graduating, getting divorced, becoming a Pussyfoot Girl, my first real job with a salary and benefits, befriending many of the Ol' Kentucky Sharks, owning my 1st home, the 2nd alcoholic to ravage my life-n-brain, a better "real" job with a pay raise and better benefits, meeting my match, the hospital horrors of 9/2008, getting engaged, and all the shows, parties, travels, adventures, awesomeness, heartache, and pain that have filled in the gaps.


I have lived. No one can tell me otherwise.


So to celebrate the 500th post of random bathering and babbling and what have you, I'm stealing something from Hot Trash that she stole from someone else. I can't remember what number of random facts about myself I'm suppose to list and since 500 seems like a challenge right now, I'm going to go with 30 to celebrate 30 years of living...and run-on sentences. And I'd bet cash money that somewhere in this blog (of the 2 that came before it), I'm already spewed all of these facts. Enjoy...or don't.


30 Random Facts About Moi


1. I am the only person I know who walked out of "Fight Club". It was 10 minutes before it was over and I couldn't take anymore. Little did I know that they'd play "Where Is My Mind?" in the last 10 minutes.


2. My dentist said I have the oddest bicuspids he's ever seen.


3. I had a dream about tap dancing with Christopher Walken to "Walk Right Back" by The Everly Brothers every night for a year. I still have it from time to time.


4. I was a bleach blonde for EXACTLY 1 day.


5. My original PFG name, Sassy Sourpuss, was inspired by an imaginary girlfriend my young nephew had. She was shaped like a triangle, had yellow hair, and was mean. Sometimes her mom was pregnant and sometimes she wasn't.


6. I changed my major in college 7 times, finally graduated, and am thinking of going back to nursing school.


7. I've been in several bands that didn't make it past the 1st practice: Animal 19, Plastic Surgery A-Go-Go, Cadaver Dogs, The Battered Wives, The Buddy Hollycaust, Virginia Slim & The Nicorettes...the list goes on and on.


8. While they are my favorite animal (and I have tattoos of 2 different types...Hammerhead & Great White), I am TERRIFIED of sharks. And I'm even MORE TERRIFIED of crabs (while we're on the topic of sea life).


9. My lucky numbers are 17 and 36 because I won awesome prizes at the St. Charles carnival playing those numbers in my youth.


10. I am allergic to kiwi...which means I could ALSO be allergic to latex but I'm not.


11. I hated my name when I was younger (I know 1 other Lacey and I'm a decade older) and vowed to change my name to Mary. At this point in my life, I have come to realize that my kids will not have average names.


12. I have never once in my life thought I had anything to prove to anyone. Even myself.


13. Seeing teeth out of the mouth makes my physically sick. There will be no "Tooth Fairy" for my kids. And I bet they'll grow up just fine.


14. I was once so dehydrated after surgery that the hospital used an absurdly high gauged needle to "open me up" and rehydrate me. Once they took the needle out, blood started pouring. They had a hard time stopping the bleeding. I looked like I had been shot.


15. I never wanted to have my braces taken off. I loved them.


16. At movie theaters, I put a hadful of butter popcorn and about 5 Snow Caps in my mouth at the same time. It's never the same at home.


17. Music is my FAVORITE thing and has been a gigantic part of my life. One year I saw over 100 DIFFERENT bands live. I can listen to "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers over and over without getting sick of it. Seeing The Breeders with Johnny was was one of the best times I've ever had. Lionel Richie is the only artist I NEVER skip on my Ipod. I first saw Todd at a show, we first talked at a show, our first date was a show, he proposed the night of LOTH's last show. I LOVE MUSIC!!!


18. If there is glass on the ground, I WILL step on it in bare feet. It's my curse.


19. I only truly regreat losing 1 friend but I sometimes wonder why she ever liked me anyway. I think I made her laugh. I'd love to make her laugh again but that's never going to happen. Some of the best times of my life were with her.



20. I got 104% in my Sexual Psychology class in college. I did my final project on fetishes using my copies of Bizarre Mag, the BEST magazine on the planet.


21. I DESPISE root beer and Fritos. I'd rather go thirsty and starve.

22. When someone says "go to your happy place", or some other bullshit like that, I think of Disney World, Las Vegas, and Niagara Falls. I guess those are my happy places.

23. I had really bad insomnia in college and at one point, I only slept 2 hours a night for almost a month.


24. I have Johnny's name tattooed over a switchblade with "Best Friends" necklaces, Todd's name tattooed in a bubble being shot out of a robot in pajama's bubble gun, and I'm getting Jen's name tattooed on a meat cleaver covered in cherry blossoms.

25. I have an extra bone in each of my feet. It's genetic. My mom and sisters also have the extra bone.

26. I want ALL of my organs removed after I die so there is ZERO possibility that I can be buried alive. I would also like to be buried in my Lost Sounds shirt.

27. I have seen "Steel Magnolias" probably...200 times, if not more. I can recite it word for word and sometimes I still cry when they take Shelby off the machines.

28. I am obsessed with the 5 Pointed Star of Easy Listening: Chicago, Hall & Oates, Huey Lewis and The News, Journey, Air Supply. I truly love every single jam by each of these bands. A song by 3 of them will play at our wedding reception!

29. I've been to the Bahamas twice and thought it was filthy and boring.

30. I spent a great deal of time in my youth dressed like Snow White. I had the record that actually had pictures on the vinyl. I played it over and over and over. I would act out the death scene for my grandma and still eat the apple, even in death. She found it disturbing.

VIVA 500!

Open up and let it flow.

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! The skunk is SICK!

I have my fingers, toes, arms, legs, eyeballs and labia crossed that because I'm sick NOW, I won't be sick for the wedding. Seeing as I am ALWAYS sick...I'm looking at this cold that's taken over as a blessing. If I didn't get sick now, I might be sick then. All the same, sneezing and stufiness can suck it. Todd was an excellent nurse yesterday. Mac-n-Cheese, meds, fluids (could be dirty but isn't), back rubs, blankets, snuggles. He didn't wear my nurse costume but that's alright...my muscles were too sore to laugh any way.

I know I got sick because I'm stressed and my immune system took a vacation from Stress City. Some wedding stuff regarding the reception has become quite the cluster-fuck and NONE of it was our fault. But of course, we get to figure it out. Ridiculous. I don't have time to have a brain tornado concerning reception details 17 days before we swap vows. Todd is as angry as I am so he's taking the reigns in this situation. He promised he'd fix it and I know he will. My pops is all ready to step in and set people straight if need be. It's good that I have those 2 dudes because if it weren't for them ready to handle business, I'd be ripping people's heads off like a wolverine on a bad day.

So what else is going on in life?

The weekend was pretty low key because Todd wasn't feeling up to snuff. We hit PJ Thursday with Johnny...man I missed that guy. Friday we had drinks with the photographers and sealed the deal on locations and stuff (those pics are going to blow minds, I can guarantee). Friday night was when Todd started feeling icky so we were in bed mighty early. Saturday I met the chicks in my fam for lunch and then spent the majority of the day alone while Todd slept off his illness. I was slightly bored. Todd said he bet that would happen after the art show closed up and he was right. Though when Shelby was mysteriously missing from the yard...that spiced up the night. She's home now...and she is grounded. I missed the cocktail party which burns my toast because I was looking forward to it. But Todd was down for the count so...sigh.

Sunday we got a lot of wedding junk done. But that's on the wedding blog.

Oh! I did collect my money and remaining paintings from the gallery. It was nice to have a big chunk of change. I financed a date with some of it and went to see Inglorious Basterds after a sub-par dinner and drinks. The awesomeness of the movie made up for the meal. It was mind blowing. Really. Go see it. Twice. Anyway, I trimmed the prices of all the paintings and posted them on Facebook. I should probably do it on My Space, too, but I'm over that. Maybe I'm growing up. Maybe I'll post them here. Everything must go!! Except "Nasty Naughty Nurses 3". Todd claimed that as his own.

This weekend is wide open. Filled with possibilities.

My fortune cookie reads: Find release from your cares. Have a good time.

You've had a busy day today.

For the past few days, I've felt a lot like I was under water. My brain was all over the place and I just generally did not like how I was feeling. The scattered brain was starting to affect my physically and my body has enough problems! I knew I had to put a stop to it...the weirdness...somehow because feeling like you're drowning...not really a lot of fun. So yesterday I said, "I'm done feeling like this. Simple as that. There are too many important things to do to drown right now".

Todd thought maybe I had "cold feeties". The fact that he used the word "feeties" let me know that if I WAS having them, he wasn't worried about it. He knows my love is solid. But it wasn't cold feet. I don't like that term. That term makes makes it seem like the person with cold feet is having doubts about what they're doing. No doubts here. Jitters. I could stand the term jitters because I think that's just a synonym for "nerves". And yeah, I have nerves. Is everything going to get done in time? Am I going to trip? Is everyone going to have a good time? Will I cry? Stuff like that. But my feet are TOASTY warm. His are "hot cha cha".

Interjection: I saw a brown SUV yesterday. Chocolate brown. I haven't seen a brown car since my Dad drove a Cadillac in the 80s. Is brown coming back in terms of popular car color? I bet some people are going to question my vision. This SUV was brown. Seriously.

Carrying on.

So even though I've decided not to drown, I still can't sleep. I'm very much a zombie today. But it's PJ Thursday and we get to hang out with Johnny which is flat out rad. Haven't spent a lot of time with that kid in recent months. But when we do all get together, he's Switchblade and it feels just like it always has. I have a feeling that's going to feel pretty good. Todd and Johnny are my best friends, my main dudes, my partners-in-crime. I'm really looking forward to tonight. To this whole jam-packed weekend, actually.

I just told Carol to "take a minute to feel bad and then tell that bad feeling to take a hike". Something about the repetition of words made me feel it was a really solid sounding statement!

Anyway, enjoy your weekends, no matter where their potential falls on the Boring to Awesome scale. I'll be hovering around the Awesome end of things if you want to find me.

Gonna scream REAL LOUD!

I stole this from Rick because my fingers feel like typing and my brain feels like emptying but somewhere in there, I can't sort out my thoughts to say anything witty or interesting. So I'm going to do this and see what comes out of it. Maybe I can find out why I'm under some sort of little black raincloud today and why I can't sleep...again. An answer has to lie in that tangled mess of my mind somewhere, am I right?

The Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note completing the 36 "I’ve come to realize." And blah, blah, blah...there were a gaggle of more rules that don't apply since this isn't a Facebook note. So I'm basically just filling in the blanks. And it's basically just a time waster because I doubt 36 fill-in-the-blanks are going to help you know me any better. I've pretty much put it all out there over the past 9 years of blogging. 36 is one of my lucky numbers so I guess I could wax philosophical on that. But I won't.

Onward.

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...is pretty rad since I like having big jugs, but could always be bigger. After nursing school and babies, bigger jugs may be on my To-Do list.

2. I've come to realize that my job..., which I appreciate having it and the money/stability it provides, is not my dream job and I'm not sure how much room I have to grow here.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I get overly annoyed by people who have the "Don't Put My Flag On Your Foreign Car" stickers. My Toyota is going to outlive your Ford by yeaaaaars. And sorry Patriot, but I don't have money for a boatload of repairs.

4. I've come to realize that I need...to put my foot down. No matter what the consequences are.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...some really amazing friends and opportunities due to being young, emotional, and easily taken advantage of. But I am no longer any of those things. If anything, I'm just broken...in a way I can accept.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...people think there's a time limit on hurt. Somethings you just DON'T get over. Simple as that.

7. I've come to realize that when I'm drunk...I love listening to music REALLY LOUD in the car (as a passenger). Like when Phoebe and I would be driving around listening to "Tessie" and Sasquatch and the Sickabillies and Von Bondies and "Hometown". Those were the days.

8. I've come to realize that money...and I should be getting along jussssssst fine pretty soon. I will be totally debt free, all bills will be paid in full, and money will be in savings. Not too shabby. But that's soon. For now...I'm the bread winner and 3 people are eating the bread.

9. I've come to realize that certain people...are ugly on the inside.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always...have "an undying ability to never give up". And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I just know it IS and it will probably kill me at an early age.

11. I've come to realize that my siblings...are solid.

12. I've come to realize that my mom...might have finally accepted that it isn't "just a phase".

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...is a nuisance. I never answer calls. I get annoyed by it. It annoys people. And I hate other people's cell phones as well. They're evil. They're only used for evil.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I was pretty unhappy. I was pretty unhappy when I went to bed last night. I couldn't have really expected things to just change while I slept. That "tomorrow is a new day" stuff is garbage.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...I was uploading old school pictures of me and pals onto Facebook and reliving some really good times in my life.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am...daydreaming about the wedding because I'm anxious for it to get here already. It's the one thing that keeps my head above water when I'm moody. Which I am. Because I'm exhausted and stressed and stretched too thin.

17. I've come to realize that my dad...and I have to transfer 30 cases of beer from his car to mine. And then Todd and I have to transfer 30 cases of beer from my car to the house. And then from the house to the car. Then the car to the caterers. And none of this sounds like any fun to me.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I am totally reminded of how funny and rad my friends are, and how Todd is cute and loves me, and how My Space is lame and I'm over it (besides wanting to see pictures of Jen's belly).

19. I've come to realize that today...marks 25 days until the wedding. But outside of that fact, today will probably be a lot like yesterday. Maybe even identical.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...I have to remember to eat dinner. And I have to go to bed early so that I don't zombie my way through another morning.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...is Wednesday so Top Chef is on. Or is it Project Runway? Either way, a show I like is on and will tape and I will watch it when I'm off on Friday like I do with ALL my shows. I inherited this television problem from my mother.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...learn how to throw knives, swallow swords, and breathe fire. I wouldn't mind learning how to fence either.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this...could've been my friend if circumstances were not as they are and things that happened hadn't.

24. I've come to realize that life...is hard. And anyone who thinks it isn't is an idiot and should be punched in the junk!

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...is a rad Skunk-n-Weasel Weekend. Thursday is PJ Thursday per usual (and Johnny is joining us!!!), Friday we have a date to go see "Inglorious BAsterds", Saturday we're going to s cocktail shin-dig, and Sunday, if Stephanie is right about her Manhattans, will be scheduled recovery. I'm pumped about it all.

26. I've come to realize the best music to listen to when I am upset...is either music that makes me cry so I get it out of my system (I have a limited number of tears per cry) or music that makes me super happy so I can just say "Ahhhh, fuck it".

27. I've come to realize that #27...is missing and was probably the one indepth question I needed to set myselt right again. The person I hate most in the world is 27 so that number can just disappear for all I care.

28. I've come to realize that this year...has been both rewarding and difficult. There are parts I'll never forget and parts I don't care to remember. But this year is the year I'm marrying the person I love. So it's a rad year in my book.

29. I've come to realize that my ex...was just a HUGE mistake and I'm pretty embarrassed.

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...start smoking again.

31. I've come to realize that I love...Todd. More than anything and anyone on this planet and that is why I have "an undying ability to never give up". I also love my besties, the Ol' Kentucky Sharks, my family, my life, my top 10 favorite bands, going to shows, roadtrips, being a Pussyfoot Girl, being me, and cheese.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...a lot of math but I LOVE math.

33. I've come to realize my past...made me the person I am today, scars and all.

34. I've come to realize that parties...are typically fun, especially theme parties, and I think the New Year's Eve party I threw before Ben and Lisa moved was one of the best parties EVER! I consider our wedding reception "a party" and I think it will knock people's socks off.

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...of being buried alive.

36. I've come to realize that my life...overall is amazing. When I die, I'll be able to say that I did everything I wanted to and nothing/no one held me back. Despite the hard times and heartaches, I always came out on top and better than before. I've lived.

Everything she takes, she takes apart.

No foreign language rants today. Still hating on fools though.

Not much of anything today to blather about. I'm exhausted. I slept horribly and have been having horrible dreams about a variety of topics. It was a long night that is going to make for a long day. I can feel it in my zombie bones. My eyes are tired and I'm becoming increasingly irritable by the seconds. I'm trying to find "a happy place" to keep me from snapping at innocent people. The fact that 4 weeks from today we'll be in Key West is helping. It's helping a lot. I just have to keep picturing it. I have to stay focused on good times ahead.

Yep.

I ain't gonna miss you when you go.

I just sang...and by sing, I mean totally William Shatner style..."$100 Hangover" to my nephew. It's going to be the last song played at our wedding reception so I thought he should know what he's getting into. This was after a brief discussion about "Surfin' Bird" and why it's so rad. The last half an hour of this party is going to be utter, rockin', bubblegum-flavored chaos and I can't wait!

Moving forward.

It's really sad that some people make up stories about moving because they think moving far away makes them seem more glamerous. When in all actuality, anyone with half a brain knows they have to move far away so no one knows what a phony they are and that they have actually hit rock bottom in their pathetic lives. You know what? It's not sad. It's hysterical. It's also not about anyone who reads this. Because this pathetic person probably can't read unless it's etched into the headboard of whatever random amazing scumbag that's drilling her that week. You'd have to go from behind because that face...nightmare. Anyway, I'd be a much more mature and less self-righteous person if THAT person didn't exist and suck so bad. It's not my opinion. It's general fact.

I probably should have written that in German. Moving along.

Today is PJ Thursday. It's our new thing. Todd and I hang out and do the same thing every Thursday and have for the past X number of weeks. It's something to look forward to at the end of the work week (well, it's the end of MY week, anyway). Sometimes friends join. A lot of times it's just us. We talk, we drink, we laugh, we share cheese fries. I'm really looking forward to it tonight because with the above said nightmare person in our life, the last few days have been sucko. But that's the last I'm saying about them in English or any other language because we're done letting her affect us. Simple as that. It's PJ THURSAY!

I wish Phoebe would come home (and stay HOME but that's not my call). I'm glad Carol is on her way home and listening to "Africa" by Toto. I appreciate that Tessa doesn't freak when I have to strip down in front of her. I can wait for Johnny to learn about "Robin 101". I'm pumped that I got a few e-mails from Rocko this week. I appreciate the fact that Erin knows all good songs make you weepy. I hoping that Lisa will be here 30 days and dances to Billy Idol. I'm anxious to try a Manhattan at Stephanie's cocktail party. I wish Marie would post wedding pics already! And I think it's rad that Todd's as psyched for PJ Thursday as I am!

Have a swell weekend, y'all...whenever yours starts.

I'm much too fast to take that test.

Hon lämnar. Hon flyttar till den annan sida av landet om några få dagar. Hon lämnar hennes barn bakom. Vad sort av person gör det? Hon lämnar hennes son med en man hon har noll respekt för och en kvinna som hon hatar. Det är hur viktigt att starta ett nytt liv är till henne. Hon behöver flytta tusen av mil borta så inga fynd ut hon har slagit sten botten. Patetisk.

Yep. Foreign language ranting again.

Lots of changes are gonna go down, or so it seems. It has nothing to do with ME exactly but it will affect me big time. I'm having all kinds of feelings about said changes but I'm bottling them up. I'm channling all the emotions and confusion into my kitchen project. I blasted AFI, Bad Religion, and MxPx and rolled the bulk of every wall until my arms were shaking. I didn't eat dinner. I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't ask for any help. I sang and I rolled. Goodbye sunshiney yellow and Hello stormy gray. If it all comes together like I'm envisioning in my head, I'm going to spend all my time in there. My gloomy, creepy, mysterious kitchen. I'll empty out all my bottled up emotions by cooking. And by making out with the margarita machine.

My mind is all over the place. I'm just letting it spazz.

Getting married 1 month from today. Nothin' spazzy about that.

And if the people stare, then the people stare.

More and more I am growing quite aggitated by the thought of Phoebe moving to Colorado. At first it didn't phase me much because...Phoebe moves! She's lived all over. I knew at some point she'd move again. But now, yeah, not feeling it so much. And that's just me being selfish. But such is my right! She's one of my best buds. So I've moved from acceptance to aggitation and I'm guessing anger will come next if we're sticking around the top of the alphabet. I had a horribl dream that Phoebe blamed me for losing her job (which she hasn't) and it ended in lots of screaming. I wonder what my brain is trying to work out. Oh well. I hate you, Colorado. Oh look! I'm in "anger" already!

Tattoos are really fun and I'm glad none of mine mean anything (besides the fact that I have my best friend's name, our wedding date, Todd's name, and now a zombie geisha that was a wedding gift) because that would mean that I had tattoos that mean things about people who don't mean anything anymore. Todd and Johnny will always be my partners-in-crime so it's acceptable to have meaningful tattoos involving them. And I'm just speaking about me and my feelings and my tattoos. Remember, I'm being selfish. Anyway, tattoos are fun especially when it's a tattoo DATE (and they're a wedding gift from the cutest pregnant girl EVER) and your date picks chicken off the bone for you because you because you're weird and won't eat it off the bone. Phoebe used to do that for me. Sigh.

So the weekend started solidly with cocktails at our local hangout...gotta love those Guiness girls! They sure loved us! Todd took Friday off so we went downtown and got our marriage license and did other wedding related stuff (see above), followed by dinner and cartoons. Saturday was Chill Day so we rallied early to set up the new TV and load up on snacks. After The Hangover, I Love You Man, and Helter Skelter, we called it a day. And yesterday we started the mini-kithcen remodel. Purged old stuff, put new stuff away, and got the room ready to paint! Our of all the rooms in the house, this is the biggest project so we might as well tackle it!

Oh, and if anyone recalls my recent babbling rant...God must speak Italian. It appears that the person (if you can call them that) that I loathe most on the planet is finally going to do me (and several others) a favor (without knowing it), or so they claim (not directly to me, of course). I guess sometimes dreams DO come true (even if those dreams aren't really the nicest, most healthy dreams). Farewell!

I'm bailin' out because I hate the race.

La desidero, la sua faccia di dollaro-dente di carlino-nosed, il suo ha esaurito il vagaina, le sue abilità di cura parentale orribili, il suo comportamento egoistico, lei il tatuaggio di farfalla, ed il suo orribile, presto per colpire la roccia vita inferiore MOVEREBBE appena LONTANO GIÀ. Fare tutti che mai ha avuto il dispiacere di riunione lei un favore ed andare la coperta la sua cattiveria sul lato opposto del paese. E non ritorna visitare. Disinfetteremo lo stato una volta lei è andato. Se lei mai ferma per mentire e va appena. Pensa che questo sia minorile? Si. È. Ma l'odio esattamente che molto!

When people in the movies are really riled up about something, they always start flipping out in foreign languages. I think that's what I'm going to do from now on. This blog has been a relatively hostility-free environment since the beginning of last summer. I left anger and nastiness out of that because who wants to remember that junk? Well, in the case of Me vs. Suckos, I do what to remember it. And today I want to remember it in barely translatable Italian.

I want to do the following things. Who's with me?

-Take a foreign language...so I can rant. Maybe something out there. Russian. Hungarian. Polish. Something thick and mysterious. No one is going to mistake me for Italian.

-Go to Coney Island and, on a similar note, learn to throw knives, breathe fire, and sword swallow. In a tight and tacky outfit. And in that order.

-Start a zombie themed go-go dancing troupe. Not saying PFG aren't returning. I just want to do something creepier. I need to be prepared in case Demented Are Go ever show up.

-Hit Chicago and ride the ferris wheel at Navy Pier, have a beer at the bar where Tom & Carol met, eat a deep dish pizza, and see the location of the original Playboy Mansion.

-Three words: SAUCY PUPPET SHOW!

-Plan a roadtrip that spanning several states to see oddities: Mutter Museum, Salem Mass, Museum of Circus Sideshow, biggest ball of yarn, WHATEVER. Music, junk food, cruising, photos.

-Go to various amusement parks in the country and ride all of the "spinny" rides and possibly some of the cheesier rollercoasters.

-Take some sort of adult education workshop...learn how to fence, amateur photography, Japanese cooking, pottery or some other "no skill needed" art class. Anything really.

-Go to Epcot Center at Disney World and have a different alcoholic beverage (and hilarious photo op...especially if people in giant plush costumes are about) at every one of the countries.

-Go to New York and see all the important stuff...Statue of Liberty, Rockefellar Center, Time Square and so on, find a place that serves Presidente and see a show at Otto's.

Come on. That's a PRETTY rad list. I KNOW that someone out there wants to do at least 1 of these things if not more. Sign up! I didn't realize how much travelling I wanted to do. I better start saving my pennies. You know, after making that list, I feel so much calmer and more relaxed. I still feel how I felt at the beginning but I don't think I'll be speaking Italian any more today!

Just like an arrow through my heart.

The comment Little Erin left on my previous post made me smile, throw my head back, and laugh out loud. Thanks Erin, all is right with the world again!

I'm still hatin' on thugs...but at least I have someone like you to hate with!!!!!!

But no beers for you. You're the person I tell stuff I need to remember when I'm drinking. My personal note pad, if you will. Just with much better cleavage than my ACTUAL notepad.

Sincerely,
Barry (Sagittarius)

P.S. I hate the Ohio State Buckeyes. The post wasn't about them, though.

I got mine but I want more.

***awhile after posting this...yep...still riled***

I think the bitch in me is tearing its way out today. I feel like taking my boney finger and violently poking someone in the chest repeatedly...while getting centimeters away from their face while I let all the bitchiness flow out of my mouth. Why on the planet Earth do certain people think they can do whatever the bejesus they want? Why do certain people just assume they're entitled to get away with murder and be forgiven for everything? Wait. Wait. I take that back. They don't think they deserve to be forgiven because they never think they do anything WRONG. How could they? Something in their life has caused them to just be able to do whatever whenever, poor babies.

Today...I feel like taking all those people down.

By whatever means necessary.

This particular brand of people that are making me seeth...ugh. Miserable. If it hurts every time you hit yourself in the face with a hammer...STOP HITTING YOURSELF IN THE FACE WITH A HAMMER. You can't boo hoo over something one minute and then turn around and praise that very same thing. PICK A SIDE! There is officially a line in the sand. If you're going to kiss ass and grovel at the foot of something miserable, you have no right to be shocked when that very same something shits on you. And you CERTAINLY shouldn't expect people to have any respect for you or good feelings towards you when you're just totally backwards,

I know. I skulked at the foot of something awful for YEARS.

I'm just pumped full of hate-n-loathing. I'm sick of the nice, cool, decent people out there getting treated like jokes, like GARBAGE, while the horrible, heinous leeches out there coast through life. I've said it before...it doesn't pay to be nice! It doesn't pay to be helpful or kind or forgiving! It just makes you a welcome mat that reads WALK ALL THE FUCK OVER ME! I LIKE IT! Maybe I'll feel differently in a few days but I doubt it. When I HATE something/someone, I almost NEVER change my stanse. And I'm not going to play nice with someone.something I hate for the sake of anyone else. I'm going to be the only one in my coffin so I'm really the only one I need to make happy.

I am seriously on fire. I wish I could give more details but I can't. Like I said, there's a certain brand of person on my shit list. I, personally, will not be a doormat anymore for anyone. I will not be as forgiving as I once was. I will no longer turn my head or shrug things off. And I won't be handing out respect as willy-nilly as I once did. You think you don't have to earn it? You do. If anyone out there is as enraged as I am that sucky people do sucky things and lead sucky lives and just expect to be taken care of and praised by the normal, average, day-to-day, non-sucko people out there because for WHATEVER REASON they are just so AWESOME...

I want to buy you a beer. And a shot of bubblegum vodka. So call me. Text me. Send a carrier pigeon. Because I want to drink with YOU.

This rant has been brought to you by the letters Y, M and the number 8.

Freezing cold penguins say, "F-f-f-f-f-f-fuck OFF!"

Our black hearts worn on our sleeves!

"The Weekend Of Me" is over. Which means the art show opening is over and the wedding shower is over. Huge, unfathomable weights have been lifted off my shoulders. But now what??? Painting has taken up every free moment of my life for the past few months! And the wedding shower was the last big thing before the ACTUAL big thing! Dare I say...because Todd suggested it...that I might actually get BORED??? I think I could handle a little boredom for a while. We already have a solid Chill Day planned. A whole day being total sloths with our brains turned off. I think I can handle that. I KNOW I can!!!

Pictures of your mama taken by your papa.

So the opening night party for "Cannibalicious!" was a smashing success. A ton of people...friends, family, strangers, weirdos...all came out and had a rad time. I want to thank everyone for their support. I bet you want to thank me for being done with it so you don't have to HEAR about it anymore. I sold WAAAAAY more than I thought I would and the show runs for a few more weeks. Pop in there if you can. Man...a Saturday without painting. I don't know what to do with myself! Anyway, instead of blathering about the entire night I figured I'd just post some of my favorite snapshots. Enjoy...and thanks again!

Waiting for 7:00 to roll around.

Wall #1.

Wall #2.

Table of itty bitty cash-n-carry paintings & easels.

Us...in the gallery living room.

Besties for life.

Pure awesomeness.

My future in-laws...totally rad.

Me, John Jackson & Tommy Bones livin' it up.

Creating the "Boob Pentagram".

The Amazing Mays...and me.

Tom as "Strongman" minus unitard and moustache.

Fiancee & Maid-Of-Honor.

Gallery bar antics.

Texas Pete, DAB & Sugar out front.

Mr. & Mrs. Firecracker.

As a matter of fact, you're on the right track.

So WHOSE show got a rad blurb in the arts section of Scene Magazine? And what SAME show got a mention in Cool Cleveland? Yep. MY SHOW! And it was one of only three shows that got blurbs so I'm pretty super psyched...while also increasingly nervous. I hope people realize that I am NOT an "artist". I'm sloppy. I leave pencil marks. My hand shakes. I paint crooked. If I run out of one color, I'll use another brand. I'm not trained. I'm not a professional! I'm so worried that all these regulars will show up and think I'm a fraud. I was already told I'd be put on the spot by people who like to talk to the "artist", which I am NOT! I paint things that make me LAUGH. If they don't make me LAUGH, they'll probably have a lower price tag.

Speaking of price tags...

Pricing my work is one thing that freaks me out. Sure, some of these things took me MANY hours on top of blood, sweat, and tears. And SURE, most of them are QUITE large. But do I deserve $100 or $75 for some of them? For a riled up piece of bacon holding weaponry? Dave from Low Life seems to think so! I think I was just thinking too little of myself and what I've done. I worked hard...and I could use some scratch. So I need to rethink my pricing methods and give myself a little credit. This will most likely be my ONLY art show. I want to make the most of it. Ugh...and naming them? I better not have any babies or they might not be named for weeks. That's another story.

Todd and I have a feeling that a lot of people will be there. Dave does, too. And it was fun to hang the art with him because he's as super psyched as Todd and I are. How could you NOT be super psyched about a show that has ZERO elements of seriousness? It is the epitome of LOW BROW! I mean, "Angry Breakfast" and a topless Snow White? Mix that with wine, beer, Good-n-Fruitys, a punk rock DJ, and The coolest one-woman band EVER...I see nothing but good times in our future. And our future is TOMORROW! From 7:00 - 11:00 at Low Life, a block or so over from the Beachland!

And while I have this opportunity...I ALWAYS have this opportunity since this is MY blog...I want to thank some people. I want to thank Dave for taking a chance on "Cannibalicious!" and being so super psyched. Thanks to Phoebe because without her, nonw of this would have been possible. She says she just introduced Dave to my shtuff, but I never would have/could have done this without her. Thanks to Carol for being NOTHING but encouraging and for offering up her rockin' services for the night. And the MOST thanks to Todd for buying supplies, washing brushes, making sure I was fed and watered, for hanging paintings, giving me hand massages and constructive criticism, and for telling me all last night how proud he is. That's pretty damn cool if I do say so myself.

And thanks in advance to everyone for SHOWING UP.

*wink*

My stomach drops and my guts churn.

"Little Pink Houses" by John Cougar Mellancamp is one of the worst songs ever written. The lyrics to "Every Shitty Thing" by Murder City Devils blow my mind. "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" by The Smiths still shakes me at my core. "Surf Wax America" by Weezer is totally under rated. And this has been your musical education for the day.

I painted (my version of) a portrait of Alejandro Murder (he'll never be Alex to me again) yesterday over the lyrics to "Midnight Picture Show" by Teen Idols last night. It's black on gray with a flat black frame. It's simple and maybe it doesn't even look like him...but it's one of my favorite things that I've done. I absolutely love it. Tonight, even though I'm just supposed to be doing touch ups and painting edges, I'm going to try and to do more portraits over lyrics. I probably shouldn't push myself to do anything else new...but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't flipping my lid and sweating bullets until the last second.

I feel pretty solid about the show. I was nervous, and I'm sure I will be nervous when all the attention is turned to me, but right now I feel solid. A lot of people have told me they're coming and a lot of people have said there is something they want to buy. I can't wait to see people duke it out for "Angry Breakfast". Makes me wish I had done emotional dinners and lunches. I guess I always could...why am I biting off more than I can chew!? Anyway, Dave from Low Life got a DJ for the event so we have jams before and after Miss Firecracker. I hope to see a lot of familiar faces there. Even if you don't buy anything...it's better than wasting away in a bar somewhere. Am I right? You know I am. Get a little culture...even if this culture involved severed heads and naked ladies. MY kind of culture.

By Sunday evening, I'll be the proud ownder of a Margarita machine!

I'm still having weird dreams. Not about the wedding anymore. Now that the invites have gone out (we already received a TON of RSVPs...where is yours, Phoebe???), I'm pretty mellow regarding the wedding. Just anxious for it to get here. My dreams have just been so odd, and really realistic. I'm always pretty shocked when I wake up. And in some cases, I'm really HAPPY when I wake up and find that things are as they should be and NOT how they were in the vivid dreams. Regardless...I slept really well this weekend. Better than I have in months. But if good sleeping leads to weird and realistic dreams...I don't know that I want that.

I do know that I want hand massages before bed. Rock.

Lord knows this would be the first time.

I'm watching "Steel Magnolias" while I research creepy Bible versus online to serve as a backdrop for my portrait of Alex Murder. The weather is beautiful, the beer is cold, the dog is chill. The knot in my chest has disappeard without any crying, Edward Cullen is on the cover of my magazine, and I think I want to start a saucy puppet show with anyone willing to make a fool of themselves. A huge stack of RSVPs came, I am for sure going to apply to nursing school in the spring, I'm starting the "Stop Phoebe From Moving" campaign.

I'm wearing paint splattered overalls.

I'm translating things into Spanish and Hungarian.

I'm 6'2" and UNSTOPPABALE!

And when I could, I gave strength to you.

This is it. Tonight starts my last weekend before the art show. No more excuses. No more procrastination. Anything new I want to do, anything I need to finish, any edges, any touch ups. This is the final lap before the goods get delivered to Low Life next Wednesday...and then are up for grabs to the masses from August 7th to the 30th. And I'm prepared. I know what I have to do. I'm focused. I need to load up on any last minute supplies and WORK. Todd has already been instructed to feed and water me. I am ready.

Except that I'm not.

Because I'm sick.

I just have to suck it up and push through it. I know this. Believe me, right before "PAINT EDGES" and "DO TOUCH UPS" on my list are "SUCK IT UP" and "PUSH THROUGH IT". Whenever I start feeling especially emotional (yes, I've had odd emotions during this illness) or the pain intensifies, I find that singing "Rufus Xavier Sarsparilla" to myself helps.

Sure, it doesn't get rid of that knot in my chest and it doesn't make my barking cough go away and it doesn't help me sleep peacefully through the night, waking up refreshed...but somehow, it helps. It makes me feel like me...which I don't right now because of the fucking sicks.

I have to miss Road Rash Bash in order to get ready for the art show (in addition to not wanting to spread the germs around). Carol is being comforting reassurring me that a lot of our usual pals are missing out this year. But already I missed Heavy Rebel, too. And I might miss Mark The Shark's party at Sugar's. I even missed Nolan's 1st birthday because I've been up to my ears in SHTUFF! Yes "shtuff" is being checked off the ist every day. Still...ugh...I'm starting to have emotions again.

Whew! I could say that, but I don't have to. Cause I got pronouns, I can say, "HE found a kangaroo that followed HIM home and now IT is HIS". You see, (uh) HE, HIM, and HIS are pronouns replacing the noun Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla, a very proper noun. And IT is a pronoun, replacing the noun, kangaroooooooooo! (How common!)

I feel better already!

Things were good when we were young.

Todd and I had such a fun night, or evening, I guess. I like when he thinks I'm funny. Of course, I always think I'm a laugh riot. But it's always cool when he thinks something I'm doing is funny, rather than embarrssing. Like "Finger Lickin' Strip Tease", which he had never seen before last night. So it was a fun evening, but it was a rough night, for both of us, but I think I'll throw a pity party for me because that's what I feel like doing.

I can NEVER sleep, but last night was especially bad. And he was right there with me. Awake and fussy. We were both annoyed and annoying and fussy and well aware of the fact that it was 3:30am. Usually, even with my horrific sleep patterns, I just wake up and fall back asleep many times during the night. Last night, I woke up and that was that (I did have a dream about werewolves that was not as clear as my dream about vampires...I for SURE can not read before bed anymore).

And I'm sick again. I think that was the root of waking up and staying up. I have a monster cough. A horrible, core shaking cough. Every time I coughed or tried to clear my sinuses, Todd would moan slightly like he could feel my pain. I wanted to get tender with him since we were both awake, but even my teeth hurt from coughing. I couldn't imagine how my internally icy-cold chest would have felt with his weight on me.

I don't want to be sick again, even if it is just a cold. My mom has noticed that over the last year or so, I've been sick far less than at other points in my life. But being ill, with different symptoms, twice in 8 days? It's not only bad for my body but my mind. Makes me feel a little defeated. I know I'm bitching. Like I said, pity party. We did get the wedding invitations...that is lifting my spirits.

I was just reminded me that this is the one year anniversary of something very sad that happened in our family. So maybe my spirits aren't so lifted. Carol and I were just having a conversation yesterday about how last summer was just painful all around for alot of people. I told her I didn't want to sound hippy dippy, but maybe we should embrace the pain. Acknowledge it, acknowledge that it sucks even though it happened last year, and then let it go. Rinse-n-repeat as many times as necessary. And screw you, last summer.

Trucking on.

Signing off, rather.

Now my bad dream is my best friend.

Phoebe and I...

Interruption! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHEE-BIZZLE!! I love you!

...were talking about how dreams are not predictions of the future. Rather, they are your brain's way of working things out from your life. Randomly, I had been having weird wedding dreams, mainly about things not being done on time. Todd had one, too, Wednesday night. He didn't put his mohawk up and we never got the marriage license. But that all makes sense because there are 54 days until the wedding and so much left to do. I'll give you those dreams, brain.

But what is my brain trying to work out when I have a way too realistic dream...I guess you could call it a dream...where I was really trying to enjoy my sleep because once Todd and I become vampires, we won't sleep anymore...? What is my brain working out THEN? I'm sure it all came about because I had been reading "Breaking Dawn" before bed but it was just too real. "I wonder if I'll miss sleeping when we're vampires. I really love sleeping. Maybe I won't even notice. Edward and Bella bone alot since Bella was changed, and I can handle that. But sleeping...I hope I don't miss it, too much. I better snuggle up closer on Todd". Bizarre. No more books before bed. I'm cutting myself off.

I'm feeling better, to all who have wondered. I have new symptoms...sneezing, coughing, gooey nastiness attempting to escape from my lungs. But it's all gravy compared to the ear horrors of last week. Thanks to everyone who checked up on me.

Wedding is getting close. Art show is even closer. This weekend, I saw a bunch of pals I haven't seen in a while since I've been a hermit. A lot of them told me how pumped they are for both events. I expect people to be into the wedding cause...free food, open bar, me in a CHURCH, hilarious hijinx. But it meant so much more that people are rallying for the art show. It's my baby, after all. I didn't really get anything done this weekend...shame on me. But that doesn't mean I didn't have fun. Hell, I bowled a strike while Slack Jawed Yokels were playing on the LANES! It doesn't get much better than that. And as a side note...my friends and my life are pretty rad. These people know how to have FUN. I'd fight a tiger for almost every one of those crazy bananas.

Someone I've never met before told Todd that I looked like a brunette Gwen Stefani (Todd said I was far superior). I'm lucky I didn't slack my throat open with the closest pointy object! That girl is all gums. But anyway...it was important to Todd that I meet some important people in his life this weekend...I did...and they liked me! What's not to like? Regardless, it's always nice to be liked.

Again, let me say...HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHOEBE! xoxoxo

I color your world blue!

Tessa offered to sing me a song since I'm still not feeling well. She sang me "Sleep" by Lagwagon. It made me very, very happy. Not only happy because I think that is one of the sweetest songs on the planet, but because she offered to sing it to me. Even if that meant e-mailing me the lyrics since my ear hurts. Thank you, Onion Head.

So as you gathered above, I'm still sick. Suck-o.

But my mood has improved somehow. I may have let stress bubble over which lead to yelling and being yelled at but I think that was healthy...cause I feel extra light now. And we're going to my parents' to stuff wedding invitations tomorrow so that is mega-exciting. And I talked to Little Jen yesterday about her baby shower and her belly and just hearing her voice made me feel fizzy and light! All those things combined have me feeling slightly more solid, even if it still feels like there's a ritual sacrifice lead by hyenas taking place in my ear.

In one day...ONE day...I finished 100 pages of a book, read an ENTIRE book (I think it was 560-ish pages) and got to page 287 in another. I forgot how much I LOVE reading. Reading things OTHER than trashy celeb gossip magazines, which I also love. And you can make fun of me since I was reading the "Twilight" series but I don't care. Screw you. I love to read. I love books. How they look and smell and feel. I love how I feel when I'm reading. If I wasn't dead set on getting "HIGH FIVE" on my knuckles, "BOOK WORM" would be good, too...but I AM dead set.

My ear hurt so badly on Tuesday that television was out...as was sleeping. So I read. And when I finished "New Moon", Todd and Aiden hustled out and nabbed me "Eclipse" which is by FAR my favorite. That made Todd happy to hear. I can't wait to finish it and move on to "Breaking Dawn". But then what will I do?? Without the Cullens?? Sigh. I guess it's back to celebrity autobiographies. I hate you, Anthony Kiedis. Any suggestions?

My weekend is jam-packed which has my head a-spinnin'. Painting tonight to make up for NOT painting on Saturday since I've committed myself to an entire day of friends, bands and bowling. Back-tracking to Friday...picking up invites, dress fitting, envelope stuffing pizza party. Plus painting. Gotta squeeze that in.

Then Saturday, as I said, is the Bowl-a-Rama thingamajig that I've been psyched about. Horror of 59s last show and a special performance from Slack Jawed Yokels!!! Plus plenty of others bands I'm pumped to see. Still haven't see the Lords since Sugar left and Jimbo joined. I'm mostly pumped to hang with pals. And nothing is better than a bowling alley grilled cheese!

Sunday is all about painting...AFTER I do Finger Lickin' Strip Tease and reprise my roll as the trailer park bride for the "Jesus County Fair" DVD. I can't WAIT for that sucker to come out! I have such an odd life and know such odd people. ROCK! I guess I could sit home and knit scarves or something but I'd much rather do a strip tease in a chicken suit for a DVD filled with my friends being lunatics...or hang out at a local bowling alley with a local car club and my local rock-n-rolly pals being bananas!

Outside of pooling blood in my ear, La vita è buona!

AND YOU CAN'T MAKE IT STOP!

Pain. Plain vanilla pain.

I'm in pain. Agonizing, unbelieveable, begging to temporarily end your life kind of pain. I could compare it to emotionally pain, which is typically the WORST kind of pain. Where you roll up in a ball and sob from your very core, your eyelids swell, and things you didn't know could ache, ache. You're fairly certain you'll never catch your breath, you can't sit, lay, or stand still, and there's no possibility of sleep because your brain will not shut off even for a brief moment. You're fucked. You're stuck until something inside you heals itself. I know you know what I mean. If you have a vagina, you've had this kind of emotional pain.

Now keep that feeling, the side effects of emotional pain, but make it physically based. The pain is physical but it's gut wrenching and...it's torture. That is where I'm at right now. I feel emotionally wrecked due to physical pain. Oh, and I might murder someone because of it. So I guess we can throw a little psychology into the mix. Do you think I'm being melodramatic? I'm a being a little coo-coo bird? I don't even fucking care at this moment in time. There's a hole in my eardrum and it is currently ruining both my life and my ability to care about others or the way they perceive my emotional/physical/mental cocktail of pain. Everyone can just jump off a bridge right now. And if they're too chicken to jump, I'll push 'em. Hope you can swim.

Enough drama. Let's get serious.

After a pretty rad date weekend with my mate, and hitting the "2 months to go" mark on the wedding countdown, I went to bed in a happy and descent mood. I woke up to pain. Insert whatever horrific adjectives you want in front of "pain"...it still won't be good enough to describe how I feel. There was tossing and turning and tears...I ended up with Strep, a 101 fever, and a ruptured eardrum, the later of which is pushing me to my limits. I've never felt anything like it (well, I HAVE because it's happened before, but I was wee and don't recall the horror). Every sound...every airplane, every dog bark, every high-pitched voice...is ready to unleash the potential murderer in me. So steer clear.

There aren't enough Snickers in the WORLD to soothe me.

I know what comfort you are.

There is a song called "Capsized" by a band named Enormous. I got the CD in a grab bag from Perry's Rockpile when it was still open. Any free money I had EVER in high school was spent there on band t-shirts and stickers. Not the point. The point is, I thought this CD was going to be utter garabage and maybe it was. But that song..."Capsized"...it's in my head. I can't shake it. And I can't find the CD anywhere. In fact, I think the last time I heard that song was on a casette tape I made when I still had a Ford Explorer. I need to hear it. I need to sing it at the top of my lungs and get it out of my brain. So someone...for crying out loud...find it for me! And while you're at it, find "Beer, Beer and 15 Year Olds" by Grand Prixx. It was on a Lab Rat Records comp. I need that too...in order to maintain sanity.

"Good Luck painting all weekend...I just couldn't have that kind of love for something.. I'm really proud of you for sticking with this for so long. : )".

More words of encouragment, this time from Tessa. It's good to be getting these pats on the back. Now is the time that I need them. Now is the time I need cheerleaders. I have 3 weekends left...can't ask for an extension, can't add more days to the month. I am transporting all of the paintings to the gallery on Wednesday August 5th and then they'll be hung. I think it's going to blow my mind seeind all of my hard work up there on the walls. I appreciate everyone's support. I know I've been sort of M.I.A. I also know I've been cranky...my back and neck and hands get sore. I don't stop to eat. I can't sleep most nights. So just know I appreciate every kind word and gesture. Enough with the sap.

This weekend, I hae quite a few things to mix in with the paint. Tattoo removal, Sasquatch and the Sickabillies, hanging out with Tom & Carol & Todd, making chicken paprikash, reading "Twilight" and then "New Moon", and at SOME point...I need to start weeding my house out. The wedding shower is in 24 days and I'd like to get the old stuff and stuff we don't need (a.k.a. clutter) out before bringing all the new stuff IN. When we get back from our honeymoon, I want to just be able to LIVE and not have to spend an eternity trying to make things organized! So...yeah...add that nonsense to my "To Do" list.

So even if everything is bananas, life is still good.

You get the picture!

I just had some Sugar Babies for the first time in probably 23 years and my teeth are screaming! These things are pure...sugar! I'm going to be jacked up for the rest of the day. I already feel twitchy and cr-r-r-r-racked out. My Weasel had a dentist appointment the other day and while there, he made an appointment for me! You may not think that's romantic but I do. I'm all about dental hygeine and I want these chompers to be pearly white on wedding day. Exam, cleaning, whitening...BOOKED!

Marie sent me a message/comment saying we should have a date to see "New Moon as new wives". Adorable. I'm so there. I'm supposed to get hooked up with both the "Twilight" and "New Moon" books tomorrow...need to be prepared for the big premier in November (did I mention that Todd hid my "Twilight" DVD? Mean, mean man). I can't believe I have PLANS in November already. My life is just go go go!

Tonight I think I'm supposed to go go go to yoga. But I'm not. It DID make me sleep like a lion (they sleep 20 hours a day) and for that reason, I WILL go back. But today, I'm tired, I have stabbing abdominal pains for some wacky reason (they seem to be going around), and I really just feel like chillaxing with Todd. The odds of my getting him to go to yoga are slim to none. I'm thinking a drink, some food, maybe some Netflix. I could stand to get out of the house for awhile, I'll tell you that much. The weekend ahead sees me house bound and covered in paint. But it also sees us at Sasquatch and the Sickabillies! YEEEEEHAW!

So what else?

My arm is bleeding. That is not normal. And I can SMELL the blood. Maybe I'm a VAMPIRE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I'm just rambling. I'll blame it on the Sugar Babies. On a side note, I would like to say the following things:

1. Phoebe, please cheer up. if I have a depressed non-wife, people will start to suspect non-spousal abuse. Turn your frown upside down.

2. Lisa, it was good to talk to you for 5 seconds the other day. I REALLY hope you and Ben make it to the wedding. I miss you. My fingers-n-toes are crossed.

3. Carol, I can't wait to hang out on Saturday! It's in HUGE letters on my calendar! I just want to see your smiling face and Tom's bald head.

Thank you and GOOD NIGHT!

Her's is the tonic and mine is the gin!

Oh, you dare me???!?!? You DARE ME, Phoebe Marie????

I don't NEED to be dared!!

STAY TUNED!

Now it's up to me...what will be.

I can not wrap my mind around the fact that "She's Gone" is NOT on Hall and Oates Greatest Hits! Who was in charge of picking the jams for this compilation? It's unacceptable. And it's even MORE unacceptable that I've had this disc for YEARS and just noticed the omission now. I shouldn't even be allowed to call myself a fan. But I will cause who are YOU to tell me what to do?? You're probably the person who forgot to put "She's Gone" on the list! Case closed.

ONWARD!

I painted all weekend. Every free second I had, I was parked at my station and buckled! It was the most focused I have been since the show got booked. I finished a painting I had started last week ("Bride of Frankenberry") and did nine more. That's right...NINE (one that Todd titled "Carrot Orgy"). And I've got to say...they're pretty rad and I'm proud of myself. Being PROUD of myself is a new feeling. I need to ride this wave for awhile. And even better than ME being proud, is making other people proud. Like Todd, who loves when I paint. And like Carol, who said, "I'm really proud of how hard you're working to get your show together. U r inspiring me". Made me blush a little. I like the warm and fuzzies I've had lately.

But there are only 3 available weeks/weekends left which would normally make me panic. Yes, I work best under pressure so I know that I'll come out on top. But since I've been so productive the past 2 weeks, I just have to convince myself that I'll meet my goal. I've lowered my goal but I still feel it's solid...50 small to large paintings and 20 of the Teeny Tiny collection w/ mini easels. Now if by some chance I meet my original goal (60/30), it will be a bonus. I can do this. "Cannibalicious!" is going to be great. Thanks to all my pals for being encouraging and awesome. Oh, and thanks in advance for buying paintings. You're GRRRRRREAT!

ROCK!

I'll do almost anything that you want me to.

Yoga. I survived it.

And survived is not me exaggerating in any way. It was MUCH harder than when I've used my yoga videos at home (and had the option of slacking). My entire body, head to toe was worked out and today, I'm happy to report that I'm having a hard time slouching. My ruff posture was brought to my attention yesterday...but if I stood at my full (almost) 5'8"...my boobs would knock your lights out or puncture your heart. Depending on YOUR height.

So...yoga. What's to say?

I think I am a little jaded in a way. I don't buy into all the incense and chanting and new age babble so it was hard for me not to laugh at times. And when I was supposed to be emptying my mind...I wasn't. I think it will probably get easier for me to clear my mind and focus when I learn more of the poses and improve my form. My eyeballs were all over the room to make sure I was doing thins correctly. Yeah...Phoebe, Lisa and I were the tattooed black sheep of yoga. But I expected nothing else.

Some of the poses/movements/whatever, I was really good at. Like I said, I'm flexible. But on the other hand...I have zero-to-no balance. And when you have no balance and are clumsy like me, things can get sketchy. Though I am not the person who feel on their butt during a simple squat (and THAT is why I love you). But with my balance and weird backward bending knees...my legs were a-shakin'. But it will get better. I can go to 10 more classes before the wedding and that can only help in my body improvement efforts. So despite the mumbo jumbo and little things that I struggled with...it was worth it. I could have seen myself bailing on it but I didn't. So...gold star for me. And Phoebe. And Lisa.

And I slept solidly for the first time in a long time, just like the instructor said I would. And while my body doesn't feel sore, it does feel different. Like I said, I'm having a hard time rocking the sunken emo posture today. In the middle of the night, Todd gave my back and belly a rub down which added to the whole relaxation effort. I could stand to relax. I'm holding 8+ months of wedding planning stress. That's probably why I slouch.

OH! And speaking of that whole relaxing thing...at one point during some goofball part where you lay on the ground with your eyes closed, breathing (as if you had a choice), the instructor came around and she rubbed behind my ears and my forehead (she didn't it to everyone...I wasn't special, or molested). I felt sooooo relaxed at the moment and also very emotional for whatever reason. That was my emo moment while others decided to get emo during the whole "ooooooooooooooom" moment. That was the moment I got cynical again.

So yoga. Looks like I'll be going back next week.

By the wedding, I'll be 6'2" and unstoppable!

And it wouldn't be the same without you!

I guess since this is wedding-related, it could and maybe SHOULD go in the Skunk-n-Weasel wedding blog. But despite it's wedding-relatedness...it's actually Phoebe-centric. Yes, ladies-n-germs, I am going blather for a minute about how awesome Phoebe is and how she should be cloned and distributed. But only to the worthy. I finally got to spend some one-on-one time with Bizzle last night which just reignited my love for her. Her non-husband better watch out!

So last night I met up with Phoebe and for whatever reason, as soon as I sat down, all the stress I had recently been experiencing popped right into my brain! And then out of my mouth! I made a "To Do" list, if you will, for Phoebe which made me feel like a royal scumbag! But she is my MOH and my go-to gal and unfortunately, there were a few things I needed to go-to her for. The wedding is only 74 days away. That's really not a lot of time and there really IS a lot to do. I have to be more organized that I ever have before! Hence...the list.

And she was majorly receptive! We quickly went item by item and she made notes and suggestions and was just...on top of it all. I can honestly say that she has not turned down one thing I've asked her and has been utterly helpful from square one. But I was still all full of stress. Things went sooooooo easily in the beginning and now, with the loose ends, it's starting to get difficult. But she squeezed me (not in a filthy way) and licked my arm (also not in a filthy way) and told me I was allowed to be stressed and jittery. Thank God!

She also fed me beer as this wedding has made me poor-n-thirsty.

I still feel kind of like a little snake for handing her a list. It's not at all like I'm commanding her to do my bidding. But it feels that way. Besides what she's already done, she's in charge of the ceterpieces for the reception, securing the gifts for my gals, possible making my wedding necklace, and helping get the bachelorette par-tay thing-a-ma-jig organized. She's even going to help do Todd's hair on wedding day!!! I'd have dropped dead long ago without her help. So thank you, Phoebe. For everything you've done, everything you're doing, for letting me freak out and stress out and ramble and just been nutty. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. And how much Todd appreciate's it. And I'm sure you'll appreciate when this whole thing is over. I don't blame you.

But I do love you.

Hold on, hold on, hold on to what you've got.

1. This was the first year that I missed Heavy Rebel. Some of the usual suspects were taking a year off so that was comforting. I wasn't the only dud. But then again...I missed some radness. Like Lisa being there. And Carol (Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band) playing in the jailhouse. The more I think about it all, the sadder I am. But there just wasn't money...or time. Next year...when I'm a married woman with an art show under my belt...I'll be there. And I'll have more fun than anybody else. But for now...sulking.

2. I'm going to yoga with Phoebe this week. Should be interesting. I'm already uber-flexible so I'm taking this as an opportunity to hang with Phoebe and destress. You all know I've been going bananas lately with everything that's on my plate. Even though I don't believe in all this new-age hooey, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try and "get centered" or "harness my chi" or something. Plus, anything that makes me leaner gets an A+ in my book.

3. Speaking of getting leaner...I've been fluctuating between a 9 - 15 pound weight loss. Patting myself on the back. Patting myself on the ASS! Todd noticed I had lost but didn't notice I had gained...that's how I like it. And we're both pretty fond of the way this vessel is shaping up. Now it's just time to tone. Which includes sweating and effort...which can be sucko. I think I know an activity that suits me and my purpose which Todd cvan participate in! Va-VOOM! Enough smut. Like a lot of chix, I sometimes in the past have had body image issues. Even when I was STICK THIN, it wasn't enough. This is enough. I feel really good in my skin right now. My goal to be a bad ass bride is well within reach.

4. Stemming from above...things in the "Va-VOOM" department have been extra Va-VOOMY recently. I don't want to burn your eyeballs out with the gorey and possibly illegal details...and I don't want to enduce cookie-tossing by talking about how our room smells...and it probably would do you no good (unless you need to be pushed over the edge) to talk about how sore I am...but yeah. Drink that all in! I'm smutty and I'm not afraid to admit it!

5. I saw the "New Moon" trailer for the first time and now I'm counting down the days until November. Luckily, the art show (August), wedding-n-honeymoon (September), and They Might Be Giants (October) will help the time fly. I was late to jump on the "Twilight" band wagon so I am determined to see this one in the theater at LEAST once. I've heard that Edward is absent for a portion of the book so I will use that portion of the film to use the can. My sister has Jasper as a back up. I have no back up. I'm all Edward all the time.

6. I don't care what anyone says. When "More Than a Feelin'" by Boston comes on the radio, you just HAVE to get happy. Especially if you hear it in a car on a nice day and your windows are down. I'm not a big fan of "classic rock" but that song works. So does "Cosmic Thing" by B-52s. Sure, it's totally goofy and ridiculous but I love it. You can't NOT be in a good mood when you hear that song. I love music. I miss going to shows non-stop. I hope Sasquatch lets me slap him across the face!

7. I was unsatisfied with the photos I had previously had of my paintings for "Cannibalicious!" so yesterday, I took all new pics. I posted them (on Face Space, of course) and I'm getting really good feedback. Everyone is going bananas over "Angry Breakfast"...like anyone could resist it. I think I should force the 2 highest bidders to compete for it in a luchador style wrestling match right there in the gallery. That won't happen in reality...but it will in my brain! I picked up the promo cards and will be distributing them like MAD. BEWARE!

8. Jen just told me that when they baby kicks, she can see it from the outside now. I miss her so much and I'm so pumped to meet my nephew! I've never been a big fan of other people's kids. There were random gems that I latched on to but as a whole...eh. Then Jen May had my boyfriend, Nolan. He's rad in every way and he's going to be 1 this week! ADORE that kid. And I've adored Jen's baby from the time her third preggo test and it read PREGGO! While I don't look forward to giving birth feeling like "doing the splits on a crate of dynomite", I look forward to cooking up a little monster. Soon. Sorry Phoebe. You'll be an aunt even if you ARE allergic to children.

9. I can't believe it's July 6th! This year is flying by at warp speed! I'm going to be a wife soon. REALLY soon. Not as soon as Marie, but SOON! And after that, Jen will be a mommy! This all blows my mind. If you would have asked me last year what I thought would happen THIS year...Jen becoming a parent and me becoming a wife would NOT have been on that list. I guess it's nice to still be shockable in good ways. It's the horrific shocks that my mind can't handle. But everyone I knew who was suffering last year has mended and they rock harder than ever. Thumbs up, 2009!

10. I love you.

I knew that it was now or never!

The following entry has been rated R by me...and I am the only person who can rate my own life. Children, pregnant people, assholes, and the elderly should probably just shut this page now and save themselves the potential exposure to smut. You've been warned, suckahs.

*blushing*

I just wrote all kinds of repulsive, sloppy, slutty details about my misadventures with the fiancee last night but I had to erase them. As the kids would say, it was just TMI. I love you all and don't want my night time (and middle of the night time) extra-curriculars to make you throw up on whatever is nearest to your mouth. Just know that my toes are still curled, he thinks I'm a "foxy sexy love monger", and we're totally hardcore crushing...AGAIN!

I feel filthy. The good kind of filthy. Our hanky panky smutty stuff is always good, don't get me wrong. That is one area where no matter what else is going on, we clickity click! But there was something about last night. I can't quite peg it and I don't think he could either. And even better than the ACTUAL activities...was waking up 2:00am still rip-roarin' and ready to ravage and then listening to songs on the radio, laughing hysterically! It was a BLAST!

A 3 day weekend (4 for little ol' me) of just him and me and whatever the f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fudge we want to do! My heart is breakdancing in anticipation of the laws we might break together over the next span of days. We can't stop thinking about each other today! I just got a text with the word "boner" in it. Tell me this isn't high school????

I LOVE MY LIFE!

Feels so good to watch it burn.

I had started to make a list of things that I hate in order to empty my "Hate Tank" and get on with my day. But half of the list was things everyone knows I hate (pineapples, Bob Segar, anything to do with breastfeeding) and the other half was starting to get way too personal (mind yer business). So I scrapped the whole thing and guess I'll keep my tank on full. Maybe being full of hate today will be good for me. Keep me focused and determined and on course. Or maybe I'll just be on edge all day until I snappity snap snap snap and karate chop someone in the eyeball. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. The day has only just begun.

I'm starting to believe that stress is actually stronger and more bad ass and majorly sucko...as compared to fear. The grammar and structure of that sentence is a wreck, I know but do I care? I face fears all the time and come out of top in a very "I just fucked you up BIG TIME, Fear" kind of way. Joy Turner says fear is just your emotions asking for a hug. I say they're asking for a punch in the junk. But stress? Stress owns me right now. Stress is really showing me who is boss. It's not pleasant. It's caused an uncomfortable feeling in my throat. I just now thought about listing off all my current stressers...something inside of me is DYING to make a list for some reason...but that will just get me all worked up. I'm plenty itchy enough as it is.

On the upside of things, I'm finally going to see Johnny for the first time since March...next Monday. I'm pumped for it. I was reliving a simpler time in my head yesterday...back when I was in Kent and my main concerns were what time Johnny was coming over, how much beer to bring to The Mantis and which Anti-Flag shirt to wear. Life was easy then. Life was going to shows EVERY week, even if you had to sell your "Eddie and the Cruisers" DVD to Becky in order to get in. I stressed about whether or not bands would play my favorite songs. I stressed about which show to go to when there was more than one. Sure, there were classes and finals and speeches and projects. But I'd write a 10 page paper right now if it got me out of being a responsible adult.

How did I manage to take my happiness about getting a beer with my BFF and bring it right back around to my stress?!?!? It's all encompassing, I tell you. The other day I thought I found a gray hair...but it was red. Since money has been so tiiiiiight, I haven't been able to dye my 'do and the red streaks are a-peakin'. I just have to get through the next 2 or 3 weeks and the money situation will be all figured out...even though I need to buy my bridesmaids gifts and give Phee cash for the centerpieces. Still...I'll have some extra scratch. I can't even buy an ice cream cone right now if I want one. Spent the little money I had on groceries last night. IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! I'm supposed to be talking about the UPSIDE to life and I'm STRESSSSSSSING!

I'm outta here before I have an aneurysm.

Come on and show me how you work!

It's so cool to have someone to do cool things for you. Like when you're sort of having an annoying day at work and you come home and your fiancee has prepared a bedroom picnic. I was shuffled off to the shower where an arrow alerted me to my favorite Snowman boxer short pajamas (I'm really into sleeping in his drawers now...shouldn't I have gone through that phase in college?). Then he layed out a spread on the bed...carrots, chips-n-dip, fruit salad, sandwiches, and a cooler full of beer, of course. I even got a Snickers for dessert! We chowed down, listened to the storm, and fell asleep after the electricity went out. My stress melted away. Fiancees are rad.

I smell graham crackers and it's bugging me.

I'm not afraid to admit it...I woke up and watched "Twilight" again. And I'm also not afraid to admit that I have OCD (Obsessive Cullen Disorder). I'll be getting some sort of t-shirt to that effect. After "Twilight", we finished registering and picked up Aiden for some birthday sleepover shopping. Decided to go with a luau theme. And the luau was a success! It was the first kid's party I've ever thrown and it was rad. Food, cake, pinata, silly string, tiki torches, bonfire, S'Mores, Wii, sparklers, glow sticks (my personal favorite part), and The Mummy. Pretty rad if I do say so myself. Sometimes Aiden seems to act older than he is...maybe because the neighborhood kids are older...and thuggish. It was nice to see him act 8. And Tessa came which was a treat to me! We all had a blast. I'll stamp this one with SUCCESS!

Todd got fitted for his tux. Aiden said he looks "hunky".

I address shower invites. Aiden stamped them.

Severly pumped for this upcoming, 4 day, holiday weekend. Todd and I are BANANAS about fireworks and we stil have Sparklers and glow sticks left! I have a boatload of painting to do since my free time was sacrificed but I'll make time to party down a little. We were supposed to go camping but that's not going to be happening. And speaking of not happening...

PFG will not be at the Dragway this year. Sucks because it's our favorite show of the year AND mine-n-Todd's "crushiversary"...we first saw each other there and caught the robotic wolves. 8 months after...well...we made it official! Regardless, due to several factors, we had to drop out. It was a tuff decision but we made the right choice. With it not really being Jim's gig and LOTH not playing, it's not really the same anyway. Tood and I can celebrate out "crushiversary" at the Sasquatch and the Sickabillies show instead and I can get my paint on. Still...that crowd would have LOVED Finger Lickin' Strip Tease.

Which will soon be on DVD thanks to D.A.B. Stay tuned!

And that's a wrap.

Is this fun for you???

I wish I could listen to "Oh My God" by Ida Maria right now. That is what my mood is like. My head is swimming. Swimming like angry, blood-thirsty sharks that have been poked with sticks. Sticks that smell like blood. Oh, stop swimming, my mind! Sidenote...a study recently showed that Great Whites are very similar to human serial killers in the way the stalk their prey. Fascinating. Look it up.

And let me clarify...my new mind-boggling mood has nothing to do with yesterday's "not like myself" mood. That's over. After some hand holding and major "artic" snuggle time, the off-centered weirdness I was experiencing went away and I felt like myself. I really wanted to stay in bed all day, snuggling...which was suggested...but we need bacon to bring home. Literally. It looks like a college fridge. But anyway...yesterday's mood was repaired.

But now there's THIS mood. GRRRRR!

And I can NOT talk about it because it's not my business to blab. But it has me really upset. You hurt a person I care about, you hurt me. That's how it goes. That's how it should go. Maybe I'm not always the best friend or the best human being...but my friends, family...don't mess with them. I'm protective and that's that. So I'm just going to say that I'm upset, I'm shocked...Todd used the word "disgusted", which is perfect...and leave it at that. People just keep blowing my mind. Just when you think nothing else can shock you...POW!

I'm going to stop thinking about it now. The person that it does have to do with knows I have their back. So...shaking it off. And now that it's shook...I can cruise over to my wedding blog and happily jabber about our meeting at the church last night and how for the first time, I felt really emotional! In a good way! Not in a rip your throat out with my barehands way.

VIVA!

I tell them what the smile on my face meant.

I feel like I've been totally rewired. I'm all robot aside from this weird knot in my chest that just won't go away. It probably would if I cried...it feels like one of those obnoxious suckers...but I don't feel like crying. My eye make-up looks pretty solid today and you can't mess with that. And crying is for pussies. But focusing back in on my recent robotics...I do not feel like myself and haven't since Monday. The first half of Monday, I was like a poster girl for life and livin' it. And by Monday afternoon, I was punching babies and spitting in faces. Yesterday I just wanted nothing to do with anything besides sitting on my porch and staring into space. Todd lured me back inside with Futurama...a cartoon featuring a robot. Fitting.

I've heard way too much Def Lepard today.

I don't know what's going on with me. I mean, I guess I do...but I'm not going to talk about it. And before you jump to conclusions, you might as well jump off a bridge. This is NOT about getting married. My feet have been firmly planted by my (future) husband's side since the day he nakedly got down on one knee. So don't go returning your gifts or making other plans. I know it's a combination of things that's mooding me and that combo is filled with stress. It's not a tasty treat. And my brain just won't turn off so lots of thinking about lots of things has gone on and my gray matter is trying to escape just to get a break. I heard a wise and very thin woman recently say something along the lines of "Besides the shoes and great sex and no parents anywhere telling you what to do...being a grown up sucks". Something like that. I'm with her. I'm with you Meredith!

Run for your life!

Life...is...good. You heard it here first.

This weekend was classic. I thought the way was paved to just be rotten all around after Thursday's tattoo removal session turned out to be reminiscent of having my chest scalped. Does that make any sense? It was sucko. That should be clear. So Thursday was a wash. No painting. No productivity. Just pain and napping and ouch.

I woke up still crankified and pretty much refused to get out of bed (until Phoebe notified me that my art show promo postcard designs were DONE...she's a machine). I had my sour face on and a bad attitude. But I shook it off and got down to business where paint was concerned. I was focused and determined and Weasel was good company. He even came up with an idea for a painting that turned out really cute and hilarious and evil. I continued on that wave by getting up before the birds on Saturday and just knocking stuff out. I think I finished 5 or 6 paintings this weekend. Go me!

After scrubbing paint off of every appendage, we cruised out to P'Ville for the trifecta birthday party. I took leftover jello shots from the race and we just unwound. It was so good to be around friends that I hadn't seen in awhile though there were some missing faces. Megbo? Potsie? Joey? Grimm? Still...it was rad. We talked movies, wedding, sketch comedy filming, and made 4th of July weekend plans to go camping with Jim and Megan the wonder-kid. I'm looking forward to fireworks and cover bands.

Yesterday...whew...started off rough. I had a fishbowl head. Cruised over to my (future) in-laws for awhile and then headed out to my family BBQ/pool party. It was nice to hang with my neices and nephews and take a swim. Man, when I was little...I was totally part fish. So we hung out and celebrated all the Dads (including Weasel!) and then went home and into coma mode. Movies, mac-n-cheese, couch, bed. May not be a thrilling way to wrap things up but my body and brain thanked me. They know the upcoming weekend holds more of the same...painting, parties, exhaustion. But that's what makes life good.

Do NOT let me get a skunk OR a baby pittie.

But DO come to this:

Talk to me. There's nothing to tell.

I'm over the "Song Of The Day". If I feel like there's a song you should listen to, I'm just going to say HEY...listen to THIS! But I don't feel like forcing myself to force you to listen to something just because I said I would daily. That's too much pressure. The less pressure I put on myself, the better. Not that I'm bitching anymore. I'm going to "toughen up" where wedding planning (95 days to go) and art showing is concerned. I've taken the break I so badly craved and come back refreshed and fighting!

I'm 6'2" and UNSTOPPABLE!

While the race itself was maybe the biggest snoozer of a race I've seen in person, the weekend was what JUST WHAT I NEEDED! It was everything I said/though it would be...drinking, eating, bullshitting, laughing, chilling. There are some incredibly bizarre photos that I'm sure will end up posted somewhere...we just HAD to save evidence of encyclopedia burning for posterity. After a temporary coma upon arriving home, I woke up recharged, refreshed, re-inspired, re-motivated. I got 2 paintings down on canvas while watching Season 2 of Project Runway ("It's a motherfucking walk off!")...and I even got some sketching done! I have 50 days to accomplish the goal I set out for myself. It's been awhile since I met a goal I set. I'm gonna beat the living daylights out of the this one. Just watch me!

By the way, listen to "Skyscraper" by Bad Religion.

Now let me explain, I never grew up.

Song Of The Day: "Melt Show" by Old 97s

The protein shakes I've been drinking taste like liquid pudding. I'm not sure if I should be psyched or disgusting. I guess I'll just enjoy the fact that they keep me full and dropping pounds. A girl at The Sac complimented me on having one of the smallest waists she'd ever seen. Then we proceeded to talk about my ample ass and how I have no plans to wear Apple Bottom jeans in the future. Didn't really think my protein shakes would give me this much to blather about. Eh.

I'm going to pat myself on the aforementioned ass for being mondo productive yesterday. But I reckon it's easy to be productive when you're planning/working on fun stuff. Yep. I have fun on the brain.

1. My future-step-son's birthday par-tay. The reigns have been handed over to me (or I stole them...whatever), which is good because birthdays are my thing. I love me a birthday. Todd laid the foundation and I just went bananas from there. I had such great birthdays and birthday parties as a kid (I still do, actually) and I want to keep those traditions alive in my own family. I brain stormed with Katie Carnivore just for fun and we came up with some pure awesomeness. I asked Todd not to sensor my genius and he told me to do it up. So I'm doing it up. But with all kiddie parties, I predict one injury and 1 tummy ache. It happens.

2. My gift to my future-step son. Oh man...it's RAD! At first, it was all about combining something he'd like to do with a sort of mini-summer trip. Again, I have such bad ass memories of the trips we'd take in the summers, even if they were just for a weekend (we STILL take rad trips...man, I'm lucky). But the more I planned, the more I became excited! And Todd, too! So it's going to be a great time for all of us. I could get him some lame toy or game or something...but those get broken, lost, or lame. I bet if I gave him the choice between buying something or going where we're going...yeah. I know what he'd want. I don't want to spill the beans...not that I think 8 year olds are my blog demographic. I just want to keep the trip to ourselves...but not the excitement. BANANAS!

3. Let's go racin'!!! It's almost time to leave! I can't believe it. And I also can't believe that Todd seems to be embracing it now. We haven't gone away for a weekend since last August. I thought just I needed the break, but he needs it, too. I can't wait to sit in a lawn chair in my flipflops, drinking a frosty beverage, grilling, goofing off with my friends and my favorite fella on the planet. And let's no forget standing on top of our RV and cheering on JAAAAAAAAAAAMIE!!!! Go #26!

But as far as what I've ACCOMPLISHED...I got all the supplies for Jello shots (it's a race tradition), paper products, an MEAT! Thanks to my parents, I have lots and lots of MEAT! Not only was it super nice of them to let me raid their freezer, but this is going to save me SO MUCH MONEY! Tonight I have to go and get the rest of our snacks and such, get beer, ice, what have you. THEN we still have to pack everything up so it doesn't get water logged, clean out the car, take our shtuff to Sharon's to be transfered to the RV...and I haven't even THOUGHT about clothes! I'll have plenty of snacks and NO PANTS! HA! At least I'll fit in!

Maybe I just rambled a lot but I'm in a good mood. Take it in and be glad I'm not sick or sad. Lots of fun things on the horizon. Lots of events to get us closer to the wedding date. It's a lot of work to just be happy, ha ha. And expensive at times! But life is good. I'm not trying to convince myself that it is. It just IS. I gave my phone number to the new Pussyfoot Girl (1 new girl AND an emcee SECURED! Still hoping for 1 or 2 more chicks...we lost Bobbi Socks...boo) and got to use my married last name. It made Todd proud.

And with that, and a sudden stabbing pain...

OUT!

Still in her teens. Just as sweet as she can be.

Song Of The Day: "Sleepwalk" by Santo & Johnny

I went home Thursday night and went into a COMA! I have no idea what tropical hex was put on me but I woke up in the middle of the night in Sick City. Shivering, sweating, aching. It was only a 24 hour thang but I've been like an off-balance warshing machine ever since. Didn't really set the tone for my weekend, not that it wasn't productive and rewarding.

I've lost almost 9 pounds! I'll reward myself with tighter pants.

Didn't really make the progress I wanted to regarding the art show. Couldn't get my focus together. I did drink a few beers and rode my bike to the park once it started getting all dusky. I paused "Blue Velvet" to do this which sort of made me feel eerie and creeped out and pervy.

On my short journey, I discovered that "just like riding a bike" is a crock. I had no concept on how to turn with my wide handle bars. I was just happy to make it there in one piece without embarrasing myself and to swing for awhile. At that moment, I had no bills to pay, no wedding plans to make, no paintings to finish, no housework, no stress. I just had to swing. Man...kids have it made and they never realize it until it's too late. Little bastards.

And oh my gosh, I'd love to love 'em all!

Song Of The Day: "Sleep" by Lagwagon

I'M LOVING LIFE RIGHT NOW!

...

...

Yep. Still loving it.

Cobwebs fall on an old skipping record.

Song Of The Day: "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers

I had the best wake up call possible this morning. I can feel it in my toes and in the small of my back. I love that term... "the small". I went to bed early last night, like before the early bird special kind of early. I needed the sleep in this worst way and I woke up refreshed and revived. When I went to bed, I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and a generally dysfunctional attitdue.I didn't cry but I was on the verge...it all seems to have been repaired. It's amazing how crabby and miserable a person can get due to lack of quality sleep.

I was in bed before Tessa was at the bar. I'm awesome!

I've been stressed, it's no secret. There's enough stress in my day-to-day life but heap a wedding and a possible life change (can't talk about it now but it puts distance between myself and someone I want to karate chop in the throat, whcih is for the best) on top...it's overwhelming. I need to destress so we've scheduled a classic "Chill Day" for this weekend which includes, but is not limited to: watching movies, getting tender, cocktails, grilling (I bought steaks!), playing cards, Yahtzee, building "a nest", laughing our asses straight off. Chill Day prohibits paying or agonizing over bills and/or money, planning the wedding, shower, honeymoon or bachelor/bachelorete outtings, or dealing/worrying about any other stressors in our lives. Chill Day is ours from morning til night and NO ONE can tell us different. Ya got that? My weekend starts when I clock out tomorrow and THAT is a good thing.

I haven't finished "Angry Breakfast" yet. That is my goal for this evening. It's good to have goals. I've been setting painting quotas for the weekends and it's really helped. My quota for this weekend is 6 medium/large paintings. The clock is ticking. Gots to get creative. Luckily, my non-wife, Phee-Bizzle, agreed to make my promo postcards for Cannibalicious! I am not computer art savvy. Plus, it gives her something to do while her non-husband is on tour. Low Life Gallery said they'd provide the postcards if I provided the design. They also said they'd provide beer and win but a band (Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band) and snacks are up to me! Covered. Totally. I'm getting excited. I'm getting nervous. I want to sell 5. If I sell 5, I'll be the happiest kid alive. Slap happy! Orgasm happy! I bet you're all itching for the art show to be over like you were for Motor Mayhem to be over so I stop blathering about it. It's better than me yapping about always being a sicko or getting my emo on, right? RIGHT!

What else?

Nothing. Nothing else!

*HIGH FIVE*

Destiny is calling me! Open up my eager eyes!

Song Of The Day: "Fall Behind Me" by The Donnas

For anyone even remotely interested in my Cannibalicious! art show and corresponding blog diggity, I am changing the names of all the paintings. My initial thought was to give them all first names, like Sadie and Krista and Edward and so on. But I hate the names I gave them and pretty much hate most names. My unborn children are doomed. So I'm going back and naming them properly...along with posting a plethora of new work...some time this week. I have to get with Low Life to go over some shtuff about the show. That was a pretty exciting e-mail to get...makes it more real. And makes the fact that it's only 2 months away very real, and very scary. Which is rad.

Friday night, Todd and I had a blaaaaast at some fundraiser function for a co-worker's kid. We certainly drank our ticket's worth, I'll tell you what! We were goofy for each other and utterly in love. It's nice to fit in with the group. I love some of his co-workers and they love me. And apparently, some of them think I'm hot. Well VA-VOOM for me! We drove home singing and flirting and loving life and each other...we loved each other A LOT (blush). It paved the way for a solid weekend...which didn't include anything mind blowing (besides getting to put my wedding dress on for a fitting with the shoes and hairpiece) but was certainly productive and rad all around.

On Saturday night, Aiden made note of how cool it was that we were all on the couch together doing something (Todd was watching the Cavs lose, I was sketching, and he was playing some mind-numbing video game). Todd said, "This is how it should be". It was pretty nifty. It's also nifty that we'll be "a family" in 110 days. When I notified Todd of the current countdown, his response was "Hurry". I can't agree more. I can't wait to marry this dude. I don't think anyone else would love my terrible wink or my ridiculous paintings or the way I strip down with record speed and spin in circle in my drawers. He loves the silly and awkward parts of me. He loves the quirks. Doesn't get much better than that.

I hope everyone else out there is OK. I know some people are going through junk and that's just junky. And I know some people are having the time of their lives and that's awesome. I just hope everything evens out for everyone and that no one forgets about me while my back and neck and hands are aching from painting every free moment of my life away. I'll be pretty much missing-in-action for the next 2 months but I'll try and get out when I can to see all of y'all. Gotta poke my head out the Wack-a-Mole hole for an escape every now and again. And don't forget to mark your calendars. If I've ever supported your band or your art or your hobbies or your life...you'll be there.

CANNIBALICIOUS! opening night party
Friday, August 7th @ Low Life Gallery on Waterloo.
7:00 - 11:00
Featuring: Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band!

I was once a regular girl.

Song Of The Day: "Bang On" by The Breeders

I haven't waxed philosophical on song lyrics in awhile so I will pose the following question for you to ponder, discuss, and reply with your findings:

Is it a good or bad thing that the singer from the Spaceshits wants to "cook that woman up in bacon grease"? He wants to cook her up and get her fried up. It doesn't necessarily sound like a good thing BUT he also wants to rub that bacon grease up and down...he wants to grease her up! I think people might assume right off the bat that a man wanting to cook you up is not a good thing, but it COULD be a euphemism of some sort. I'm sure Erin will know. I'm sure Erin will set me straight. What ARE the intentions of the Spaceshits??? I can not rest until I know.

And man oh man, my most unfavorite person on the planet is up to their old antics again, SHOCKER! The hair is standing up on my neck and I'm milliseconds away from hissing and spitting and karate-chopping them in the throat, ninja style. I won't go into graphic details about why said person is so totally suck-o and always has been and always will be...but let me say once again that it makes me throw up right into my lap or the closest lap to mine that such a selfish, nasty, little brat thinks she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants with no consequences. I'd tell her to grow up but she won't. So I'll just cross my fingers that she gets a clue and continue to visualize high-fiving her in the face as a coping mechanism (and I'd say that this isn't about YOU, you-know-who, but you know that already).

ONWARD!

It's almost the weekend and mine is wide open (maaaaaaaaan, I had the perfect joke to make about appendages of above said person...but that would make me juvenile and immature). I can't spend any money because I have to buy honeymoon plane tickets next week. Found a sweet deal so I've got to pounce on it. 115 days until we're on the big boat. Todd is totally right...it's our reward for all the hard work we've done planning the wedding and reception (Camevil, I need your new address!). The event really isn't for us...it's for everyone else so they can share in our happiness or whatever. I think we've planned a rockin' good time for the people we love. Todd declared that "ours will rock socks off". I hope so. Anyway...the weekend...since I don't want to spend, I guess I'll paint. My goal is 4 medium to large paintings and 6 more of the baby ones. I love those itty bitty canvases and easels. Man, I don't have a lot of time left...10 weeks, I think! I have to eat, drink, sleep, and fuck paint. Literally.

LITERALLY have a good weekend, my friends!

I only smile when I lie then I tell you why.

Song Of The Day: "The Casbah" by Los Straitjackets

I did it. I did a strip tease down to drawers and heart-shaped pasties while dressed like a chicken. Finger Lickin' Strip Tease! I guess you could say the chicken part was semi-symbolic of the fact that (eventhough I'm super stoked with my body right now) I don't have the guts to do an actual nudie strip tease. I also don't have permission from the man who has claimed this ass. And I don't have much of a desire to get naked in front of friends-n-fans that I will have to look in the eye again.

Regardless, I did it! And people laughed! And cheered! And howled! I was also told by multiple people that it was the funniest thing they had ever seen. I had to focus on steady breathing because it was hot as a crotch in that costume. I feel successful. Sure, I didn't cure cancer or give birth or climb the corporate ladder...but I did a strip tease dressed like a chicken...and people laughed. SUCCESS IS MINE! And the rest of show was aces. I'm really proud of us. PFG is back!

Now that I'm done being the cock of the walk, I can just say that Los Straitjackets/S.C.O.T.S. was a mind-blowingly amazing show! Worth every penny! Even though I had a whole buncha garbage piled up on my brain (there IS such a thing as a false-positive), we had a blast.

Saturday...show day...I ran around like (for lack of a better term) a chicken with my head cut off. But it was worth it. Extra effort creates results. And even if it didn't go EXACTLY like I wanted...I got to chill with April, I fell in love with the beer garden at The Sac, I had quality girlfriend time, I stood my ground and I rallied. Plain-n-simple.

Sunday, I spent a lot of time alone...snoozing, watching A.N.T.M. marathons, renting movies. It was lonely...but my buddy wasn't feeling up to snuff, so what can you do? And eventhough we were only floors apart...I dunno. It felt far. Hormones. I wish I could stab them with a fork.

Yesterday we managed to get some holiday together time in which (shockingly) invovled margaritas, hurricans, mudslides, good food, My Bloody Valentine, snuggle naps, The Day The Earth Stood Still, sketching a new painting, cartoons, and snoozing. May sound boring and not very Memorial...but it felt pretty slick.

I wish I had more single friends. I realized today that my friends are all coupled up, which is good if we ever have another Ark situation. Not so good for the few acquaintances I have who could really use a "somebody" in their lives. Not that you NEED someone...God knows that at certain times in my life, I was better, safer and healthier alone. But it's nice to have someone to go have impromptu margaritas with and to watch cartoons with and to help you make a prop bathtub and to fix your bike tires and to tell you you look thinner and your skin looks nice. Whatever. There's one guy and one girl that I currently wish I had someone for. They aren't a match for each other...but still. I hope they find someone...even for just a summer romance.

I wish I could listen to "Summer Romance" by New Bomb Turks right NOW! Man. That would be awesome. Like how I can transition right from worrying about other people to worrying about my own ridiculous wants-n-needs. It's how I roll I guess. Love me or hate me. But...I'm guessing you love me!

*SMOOCH*

Baaaaaaaaaby, check this out!

Song Of The Day: "Cracker Jack" by Janis Martin

Squeeeeeeeal! I have been stressing like a 15 year old who is 5 days late because my second solo song ("Loretta Is a Sweater Girl" was a BUST) was making me bananas! I couldn't find ANYTHING that wasn't going to make me look like a teenager in a talent show. I was upset and frustrated (and this little runt on my street that I want to dropkick wasn't helping). And THEN...after listening to a song that was suggested to me over a year ago...it all came together and my brain orgasmed! Not only is the song a-dor-dor-dorable, but I've managed to turn it into a cute dance with props AND a drinking game! Everyone who isn't dead-n-buried loves a drinking game from time to time. As Sifl and Olly would say...ROCK!

I've been talking a lot about PFG lately, I know, and I'm sure that's annoying and making you itchy (I will stop blathering after this weekend). But we've been on hiatus since we had to cancel our October show when 2/3 of us had the Black Death. I was almost ready to throw in the towel...but instead I'm using it to wipe sweat off my brow. I'm a PFG through and through. And while Bobbi Socks is resting and repairing (we miss you), Tootsie Pop and I have been kicking cans! We've worked so hard to make our set at Motor Mayhem something awesome. New songs, old favorites, costume changes, lots of laughs...I'm proud of us. And the entire Motor Mayhem show is going to be buckets of fun. I haven't looked forward to something this much in a lengthy span of time. And since we announce our come back, interesting opporunities have presented themselves. I think we've found an emcee and photographer so now...all we need are a few new gals and...man, Dragway 42 is coming to blow minds this year. I'm just really happy right now. Let me bask in my jello-y pool of happiness. Won't you join me for a swim? How about Saturday at MOTOR MAYHEM! Bands starts at 7:00...we're third. Everyone should be there. EVERYONE!

So life is good. Life had been confusing and stressful and somewhat overwhelming but I woke up this morning and decided that I just want life to be good. I'm proud of what PFG have accomplished recently, I've finished 15 paintings in the last week or so (up on cannibalicious.blogspot.com RIGHT NOW), Weasel and I have been engaged for 200 days and have less than 4 months to go as of today, I've got rad friends (no Carol, YOU are the best), I found my wedding shoes and a badass headpiece, I've been eating better and dropping lbs. like a bad habit, people seem really stoked for the wedding, Rocko wrote us an adorable song that he will sing at the ceremony...my heart is full. My wallet is empty, but my heart is full. PLUS, "My Bloody Valentine in 3-D" came out yesterday! GORE IS GREAT! I don't know. Maybe I need to dial back the joy. But I won't.

"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For you."
"My pleasure."

Love her and she'll bring you luck.

Song Of The Day: "So Damn Hot" by OKGO

I had been so riled up about May Mayhem and was going bananas about all of the things that were planned...and so many of those things just didn't happen for one reason or another...mostly revolving around shows. I didn't go to Mad Sin, The Quakes, Joe Buck OR Bob Log III. And I feel alright about it. I've managed to get some art show-n-wedding stuff done, plus I've had more one-on-one stuff go down. It's not that I don't like shows...I love them. I've got 2 (possibly 3) this weekend alone that I will be at for sure (or you can eat one of my ribs). But the things I've done have just been more fulfilling. For example...this weekend...

Thursday, spur of the moment, I met up with Sharon at McIntyre's. We squawked and drank and hung with Todd for several hours. I love spending time with Sharon as she's a funny gal. When my ex and I split, I thought he'd get custody of her but screw that. I'm a better friend. I wasn't going to let that friendship perish. Came home, folded a gazillion loads of laundry. Was satisfied with my Thursday.

Friday, I was supposed to be Carol's date to Bob Log III. I do LOVE Bob Log! But money is tight! And the money I did have was for wedding shoes, plain-n-simple. I didn't like bailing on Carol but I did what I had to do. When she opens for him next time around...I'll be there freaking the Hell out, I promise. Instead, Sarah and I went to Phoebe's for a girlie night. I've never hung out with Sarah on my own and that chick is A RIOT! We had girl talk and drank beer...there were also hot dog flavored potato chips! And mac-n-cheese! And brownies! And once we left there, I ended up staying up WAY past my bed time (3:30am!!!) talking to Sarah and her husband, Jimmy. We were a bunch of chatterboxes, I'll tell you what.

Saturday...ick. Saturday was semi-icky. Sharon and I went and hung with my parents for about an hour and then headed off to have lunch. Lunch was YUM and I scored a strapless bra and seemless drawers...but I felt a little off. I blamed it on getting so little sleep. But as we walked to the mall, I felt nauseated. And while we were hunting for shoes...it hit me like a fish to the face. I'm not sure was "it" was, but it was me sweaty and dizzy and nauseated. It was probably mall panic. Regardless, while trying to keep my lunch firmly planted, I found my shoes at the last store we went to. They're perfection. I ran in my front door and threw up for the rest of the night. Luckily, Todd and Aiden were out-n-about so I would toss my cookies, cry, and watch bad television without feeling even worse. I didn't get any painting done which was my plan for the day. Saturday was semi-sucko but successful.

Then yesterday...I grocery shopped and went to The Mission for pasties and a garter belt (Finger Lickin' Strip Tease...this Saturday at Motor Mayhem @ The Sac) and found a hairpiece for the wedding. Hot pink and black and PERFECT. I cruised home but got semi-aggitated when I arrived. Blech. Whatever. I'll blame it on Saturday residue. Karen and I practiced a little for the show, I made dinner, and then I got down and dirty with the paint brushes. 2 LARGE paintings I had half done are now COMPLETE! I'll have a few new works up on Cannibalicious! later today. After a nice shower and some cartoons...I was out.

And here we are.

So while I may not have been doing the things I THOUGHT I'd be doing during this jam-packed month, I've done plenty of good stuff. And I need to keep up the momentum as far as painting goes. I've been on a roll but I need to seriously buckle down every free day that I have. I have 1/3 of what I want to accomplish done. I should really be at the 2/3 mark by now. That's why I'll probably be quite hidden during June, aside from our weekend away for the race which can't come soon enough! I need an escape! BIG TIME! I need to run amuck and act a fool and I need Todd by my side through all of it.

Enjoy your Monday.

Gyrate til you've had your fill.

Song Of The Day: "Legal Tender" by B-52s

I love how Phoebe calls Ryan her "not-husband". I'll be honest, I wish they'd get married...I've never been to a Phoebe wedding and that would be SOMETHING. Phoebe's the marrying kind, I think. I'm sure they'll be together for eternity and all but still. I thought about throwing my bouquet directly to her but I'm sure she'll find a stealthy way to avoid it's path. Karen already told me the bouquet has her name all over it anyway. Can't crush a young gal's dreams by rigging the event. Viva Phoebe-n-Ryan.

I love 3 day weekends, have I mentioned that? I don't love tattoo removal and the fact that I have an appointment for it tomorrow (only 2 more to go after this before the hitching goes down), but I DO love the 3 day weekends. Painting, painting and more painting. I've been on a roll lately and I don't mind patting myself on the back. Weasel loves when I paint and calls me Pretty Picaso. Picaso may not have painted porny princesses or girls eating their own stomachs, but didn't he cut his own ear off? We could've been pals. I plan to make the most of these 3 days. By Sunday night I hope to have a boatload of new shtuff to post on the "Cannibalicious!" blog. OOH! I also have to make a bathtub out of foamcore. I can dig it though. I feel good about it. I feel crafty. Feel free to come and visit me while I'm getting my craft on.

I have to get my craft on this weekend because NEXT weekend, I have to get my drink/rock on (Los Straitjackets & Southern Culture On The Skids on Friday), I have to get my Pussyfoot on (Motot Mayhem show Saturday w/ PFG, A-Train & The Steamers, Memphis Morticians, Graverobber, and those crazy Motor Psychos), and I might have to get my roadtrip on (Sacred Pistons annual picnic on Sunday???). And then recovery on Monday! It sounds HEAVENLY to me. I remember when my life used to be all GO! GO! GO! I could stand a little taste of that. And we'd get to see ROCKO! He sent me the lyrics to the song he's singing at our wedding and I got teary eyed at my desk. Oh Rocko!

Finger Lickin' Strip Tease. You heard it hear first.

I went and put my dancin' shoes on..yeah!

Song Of The Day: "Sayonara Sucker" by The Queers

One animal costume has been secured! Pure awesomeness is in the works. Don't you dare miss it. Don't...you...dare. I've got my solo songs picked up and practically planned...I think..., our "Splish Splash" routine is adorable if I do say so myself (Drinky Crow...Winky Bird...oh Karen!), and I have nothing but high, high, high hopes for this show. The HIGHEST, if you will! I'm pumped about the show (super sadly, Horror of 59 is out...A-Train & The Steamers will be there instead) and practice really lifted my spirits. Next stop...bubble machine! VA-VOOM!

Eventhough practice rocked and hanging with Karen was rad and I got some super amusing drunk text messages from Carol...my mood is still iffy. I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that people (that's just a general term...it applies to MANY, not just one inparticular) are going to do/say what they want, when they want, no matter who they treat like garbage along the way. I need to just continue to do the things that make me a happy clam (PFG, paint, go to shows, watch junkie television, blog, whatever) and remove myself from situations where people are going to be creeps. I can't make people treat me the way I deserve to be treated or give me the repect I know I've earned...they either will or they won't. But I do believe in karma...everyone gets their due. So...it's time to get busy livin'.

I had a weird dream about the wedding last night. Bananas.

Which reminds me...130 days until it's umbrella drink/bikini time!

Season finale of America's Next Top Model tonight. I've got all crossable things crossed for Allison but I think she's doomed because she can't walk. Neither can I. I have no balance. I'm a clumsy, klutsy, uncoordinated mess. She's just SO weird looking. Almost creepy. Like a Living Dead doll. And she's all shy and embarrasing. Love her. And I'll be alright if Aminat wins, too. This may sound weird but she reminds me of a taller, African American version of Jen May. They look nothing alike...duh...but something about how she laughs and how she talks. Maybe I'm just bananas. Regardless...if Tyonna wins, I'm boycotting the show and boycotting that show will make me surly. So everyone better cheer for Allison. Just blurt it out...no matter where you are at the time.

GO ALLISON!

Now the hard part's over, so they say.

***EDIT: I FOUND TONS OF ANIMAL COSTUMES! YESSSSS! YOU WILL SEE WHAT I MEAN BELOW. YES! YES! YES! LIFE IS GOOD!***

Song Of The Day: "No Sugar Mama" by Von Bondies

I am currently finalizing the routine to "Splish Splash" in my head. Karen is coming over tonight to learn it and revamp our routine to "Sisters". We don't have the feather fans required (since we beat the sweet bejesus out of each other with them last time) so we'll improvize. Should be a good ol' fashioned ridiculous Pussyfoot evening.

However, I still don't have a second solo song!!! Time is a'tickin'! And I CERTAINLY don't have an animal costume! You know, one of those awesome get-ups that mascots and Sea World employees wear? Oh man...do I have a sweet plan if I can get my hands on one of those! But how DO I get my hands on one of those? Any clues? I want one with a giant sturdy head. Oh man...it would be so rad. I shouldn't get my hopes up.

I'm really looking forward to practice because today has been pretty up-n-down-n-back-n-forth. Work has been insanely busy for me, the wedding/shower planning has me at my wits end...I don't know. One minute I feel awesome and the next minute I feel like I could karate chop the world in the throat and/or vagina. I love Pussyfooting and I miss doing it so practice should put me in the right frame of mind...if "Splish Splash" ends up working the way I want it to. Which it will because it has to or I'll go ape shit. Simple as that.

On the list of things to purchase:
-foamcore to make giant bathtub
-bubble machine
-2 to 4 feather fans
-robes
-giant animal costume
-pasties
-2 rolling clothing racks
-black fabric
-lots o' safety pins
-nude colored bra
-more PF girls
-a personal assistant

I'm sorry...I have to go search for a giant animal costume. It's really all I can focus on at this point in time. I am DETERMINED to make this work some how. DETERMINED. I am more determined to find a giant animal costume than I am to find wedding shoes at this point. I think if I could accomplish this goal, it would turn my whole outlook around. My weird, up-n-down, "whatever" kind of attitude. This attitude could be fucked right into submission...if only I had a giant animal costume.

The hunt is ON.

You hide your looks behind these scars.

Song Of The Day: "Freeman" by The Gears.

Just call it "Return Of The Living Dead".

I'm getting over a rank stomach flu which has emptied me out (I could get more graphic so be glad that's as far as I went) and left me sore, achey and cranky. I was so dizzy and weak that when I finally WAS up and about, I was short of breath. Totally sucko. Missed out on Mother's Day festivities but I'm fairly certain that my mom did not want me to give her the flu...which was about all I could afford to give. I told Todd awhile ago that I wish my body would just give up already. I didn't mean that though. I think "Steel Magnolias" poisoned my mind during my illness.

I did manage to see the Bouncing Souls inbetween tossing my cookies and chomping on Pepto. It was a great show despite them ignoring some of their total jams (Eastside Mags? Lowlife?). I felt 19 again. I even bought myself a shirt! They covered "Hybrid Moments" which was pretty rad...and I had a cute dude (whom I'm marrying 130 days from tomorrow) who let me lean on him and sit on his lap since I was a weak sick-o. Cute dude gave me a card yesterday that basically said, "You're gold and the best thing that's ever happened to me". It also said something about me being a stupid yet classy woman...but that came from the greeting card company. They couldn't be more right!

I also got a "Happy Future Mother's Day" card from Sharon. Cute!

What else? All I can think about are stomach cramps and sleeping for lengthy periods of time. Tootsie Pop and I had a meeting about the upcoming Motor Mayhem show. We made our set list and I've got to say...I'm pretty psyched! It's mostly new songs with a few tried-n-true or barely used numbers thrown in. Carol is returning for a special appearance as Queen La Tata and acting as our emcee (word around the litterbox is that Grimm may be taking that position full time). We're doing a lot of costume changes and rockin' new props. I'm pumped. I can't wait for the comeback. I need to work on my solos...I think "Loretta Is a Sweater Girl Now" might be one of them...not sure about the second. Any suggestions? I'm looking for flirty and fun, nothing tramptastic. Be sure to be there...Saturday May 23rd at The Sac. I expect nothing but f-f-f-f-f-un. Horror of 59! Memphis Morticians! Graverobber! PUSSYFOOT GIRLS!!!

I also painted a bunch yesterday with little or no casualties. Really buckled down and finished MANY half done paintings. Now I can focus on new stuff. I have a painting I love where I did 2 anthropological skulls over the lyrics to "Press Gang"...I want to do more paintings on top of song lyrics. I just have to pick the right ones. And once I'm done with the song lyrics, I'm going to start a few monster portraits that will be sold framed...and I have more of the original "Cannibalicious!" works to do...and slutty Princesses. Damn...so much to do. So little time and money! Good news is, I think I'm 1/3 done with what I want to accomplish. I can pretty much guarantee that no one besides Todd-n-Aiden are going to see me during the month of June. Unless you come over and watch me paint! Company is always nice.

"Daisie Of Love"... so addicted. So gross.

I I say it again, can I kill it?

I'M SICK! OUT OF NOWHERE!

I was fine when I woke up. F-I-N-E. Fine all morning. Fine at lunch. Then right AFTER lunch...POW! Horrrrrrrrrrifying tummy ache. And once the horrrrrrrrrrrifying tummy ache died down (and not to get graphic, but this was NOT the kind of tummy ache I wanted to have at work...dying inside), the nausea set in. If there is one thing I DETEST and can bring me to TEARS, it's being nauseated. Oh GOD. So finally, after just sitting around, praying not to toss my cookies...I tossed my cookies. And I've felt horrific ever since. One minute I'm sweating, the next I have chills. I'm all flushed. I'm super thirsty. The works.

Todd thought maybe it was stress but I think there is WAY too much going on here to just be stress. I thought my mom was hinting that my egoo was preggo (there is NO bun in this oven...I've convinced my uterus to be hostile to all developing life forms until AFTER the honeymoon), but she was really thinking food poisoning. All I know is that it better not be that gut-wrenching stomach virus that I had in January last year that put me in the hospital 3 times. Because that made me cry A LOT. And Johnny had to take me to the ER. And I had to go on that stupid b.r.a.t. diet which, eventhough it made me lose weight, made me lose my mind.

If it's Swine Flu, Cinco de Mayo will feel my wrath.

Honey, I ain't fakin'.

Song Of The Day: "Doublewide" by Southern Culture On The Skids.

The song of the day reminds me that I have to get our tickets for Los Straitjackets and Southern Culture On The Skids! It also reminds me that I need to kick my own ass for not going to Mad Sin. But my ass doesn't feel so bad since I'll for sure be going to Bouncing Souls this week...tickets were secured weeks ago. Man...the song of the day sure set off quite a chain reaction! No doubt!

PFG are b-b-b-b-b-back and it feels damn good! Like a back rub or a nap on a warm day. But back to the bad-assness...Tootsie Pop and I hosted the Monsters of Burlesque this past Saturday when their tour rolled in to Cleveland. It felt so good to be back on the stage and back at The Sac. Neil O'Fortune thanked us for helping them out and said, "This is YOUR house". It is! The Sac is OUR HOUSE and we love it. Even once the show was over, Tootsie and I drank and danced and just had a flat out classic PFG time. We met a gal intertested in shooting new pics of us, a guy who wants us involved in events he puts on, and 2 gals looking to be in the PFG! We need new blood...STAT! And to you...you know who...if the situation weren't what it was, all mixed up and bananas, you'd be a PFG. For sure.

OH! Word! Carol gave us the goooooood news that she will be returning as Queen La Tata for Motor Mayhem, Saturday May 23rd at OUR HOUSE! THE SAC! Car show begins at 12:00 noon, performers start rockin' at 7:00! $7 gets you the car show, the bands (Horror of 59, Memphis Morticians, Grave Robber), the Pussyfoot Girls (doing 1 longer set...not sure where in the line-up, just know we're not first), BBQ and whatever the Hell else the Motor Psychos can throw at you! There will be custom trophies, pinstripers, and day-n-night fun, fun, fun. All brought to you by the coolest car club in Cleveland, The Motor Psychos. Be there. Love it.

Outside of PFGenius, the weekend was solid. I'm not going to give you the play-by-play. I'm not feeling that route. And I also don't feel like talking about the dog walk I had to participate in at 8:00am on a Saturday morning. Sheeesh. Maybe I'll post pictures and let them tell the story. But I doubt it. Whenever I say I'm going to post pictures, I never do. I lie directly to your eyeballs. There was certainly plenty of alcohol intake so I'm feeling rather sluggish today...plus I've had zero downtime as of late. I'm running on go. But there's so much to look forward to...all the rad shows I'm going to this month, the PFG comeback show, Dragway 42 (which I've started to get super pumped about), the art show opening night party, the wedding shower, the wedding, the honeymoon.

I shouldn't complain about being sluggish when life is pretty damn sweet. I was all kinds of ICK on Thursday because life complications caught up with me, I guess. But my fiancee cheered me up by sending me pictures of all the things I love...him, my cat, Smorkin' Labbits, magazines, Family Guy re-runs, all the cheese in our fridge, The PFG, my stuffed moustache that has a moustache, the Chinese menu...it was a really cute thing to do. And it did turn my mood around. I came home from an extremely long and stressful day that I totally forgot about thanks to Chinese food and a Weasel.

And that's that, Jack.

Got a card in my spokes & practicin' my jokes.

Song Of The Day: "Test Tube Teens" by Teen Idols

Um, the song of the day...it's a new thang I'm gonna try out...has nothing to do with the song lyrics I use in the title. It's just a song I feel everyone should be listening to. Call it Project Brainwash, if you will.

I'm 30 years old and I had ice-cream for dinner last night. This is either awesome or horrifying, depending on how you slice it. Awesome because...I had ICE-CREAM for DINNER. Not a lot. A few baby scoops. Horrifying because I am trying to lose 10 pounds before I get hitched (in addition to anything I've lost since last month). Losing 10 pounds and eating ice-cream...with sprinkles!...for dinner do not go hand-in-hand. If only Todd would fix my tires so I could ride my bike.

And start my bike gang!!!

I've been talking about starting a bike gang for like 2 years. A bicycle gang! So far, I have 3 members...Carol High Hair, Toosie Pop, and Weasel. My bike gang is called "The Pedal Pushers" and our slogan is TOO TUFF FOR GEARS! The only thing you need to be in the bike gang is a bike...with NO gears. Rather, a bike where you can't adjust the gears! I guess if you have a super rad bike...mountain bikes can fuck off...with the ability to change gears but you REFUSE to change them...and you put electrical tape all over the gear shift and yell "Fuck you, GEARS!"...I guess you can ride with us. Even though we haven't gone on a first ride yet. But we will. And it'll be raaaaaaaad. BMX can eat dirt. Rad bikes and bike gangs are where it's at. This isn't MTV's "Made". My bicycle has a basket just the right size for a 12-pack. Now THAT is livin'.

My bicycle is an Electra Betty and it looks like this (pictured without the awesome streamers...clearly whoevers bike this isn't cool enough for streamers):

If you have an awesome bike, hate gears, and want to drink and ride bikes a la bike gang style...you know where to reach me. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have t-shirts made and I'm fairly certain I will ride at least once in full make-up and high heels while smoking. And I'd pretty much put money down that old people will call us hooligans and we will shake our fists at them and demand homemade PIE! Actually, that last part is a lie. Yep. Life can't get much more awesome if you ask me.

Now that I'm don't ranting about Betty and my gang...

I have Depeche Mode stuck in my head. Bizarro.

Also, I'm trying to bring the phrase "Spazzma Attack" into regular rotation. Like this morning, I was all going bananas about something and I said, "I'm totally having a Spazzma Attack!". I just need to say it a few more times and it will catch on. Just like "bananas" did. And "clearly". And "have you met me before?". Those were all winners in my brainwashing plan.

P.S. Stephanie, thanks for becoming a "follower". You're looking too hot your own good (not that you weren't full on hot before). But smokin' hot lawyers who like monsters movies? That's like a young boy's fantasy. Right up there with a slutty librarian who is into Kung-Fu! Anyway...you look rad and if I wasn't such a pussy, I'd totally want to run with you. But I don't run. Mainly because I don't move my arms when I run so I look ridiculous. That's why I don't have a running gang. No need to move your arms on a bike.

GOOD NIGHT NURSE!

***TEMPORARY***

I am going to update the "CANNIBALICIOUS!" blog some time this week, if any one out there gives a flying f-f-f-f-f-fuck about my gorey, goofy grade-schooly artwork and impending art show. I promise. And after this initial update, I will keep to a regular updating schedule. And you can take that to the bank!

"CANNIBALICIOUS!", August 7th - 31st @ Low Life Gallery.

We met in the springtime at a rock-n-roll show.

I am in one of the classic, smile-enducing, be-boppin' good moods. After an A+, gold star kind of weekend, I woke up on the right side of the bed feeling refreshed and with zero jaw pain! Plus the tongue I've been apparently gnawing on in my sleep is finally starting to repair. No more mashed 'taters for this gal! I want to CHEW! And you can chew on this...

The Weekend Run Down (subtitle: Why I'm In Such a Fucking Good Mood For Change...and It's About Damn Time, Y'All), as written by Yours Truly.

Thursday I was semi-moody for reasons that don't even matter. So after work, I went and had a drink with the one and only Miss Firecracker at Lava. I'm still on the fence about that place but I am NOT on the fence about Carol. We shot the breeze for a bit and then I high-tailed it to see The Mays. Checked out metallic inks for the weddin' invites AND her idea for the reception cards. Rad. Plain-n-Simple. I might love the reception cards more than I love the invites. And I love those A LOT. Anyway...I drove home stoked. Watched some tube. Crashed out.

Got up early because I was too excited about the sounds and smells of getting tattoooooed. I finally got my ditch done. Saying "ditch" just sounds filthy dirty. And it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be! I'd been putting it off for quite awhile because...well...I guess I got soft for a minute. Now it's done and I am in lurve with it. Filled in a few other forearm slots and THEN...my crowning gem...had Krista put an Easter bow on my now PINK Danzig skull. So silly. So girlie. And things went so well that Todd made a Saturday appointment with her. New tattoos for EVERYONE! Hooray! Went to Applebee's with the Graveyard Groom, watched the Cavs game and hit the deck. Not too shabby.

Woke up bright and early to meet the caterer at the reception spot...and hit some snags. Joint wasn't open, caterer showed late and we were already making tracks. Went BACK to see Krista so Todd could get tattooed. It's contagious. It was a looooooong day for me, though, just sittin' there and watching. Until I discovered that Maxim is NOT a terrible magazine. Then time flew! But I was a sleepy camper. So was Todd. We stopped in the grocery store, made some dinner, and went to Quiet Bob's to see Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band. After many beers and a Mango Tango, 2 giggling and goofy fools went home...and...well...and then passed out!

Usually I'm not a fan of Sundays but this one was aces in my book. We lounged around, went back to the grocery store, watched the Cavs game, ate the best cheese fries I've EVER made, drank beer, and just spent time together...talked about the wedding and honeymoon and upcoming things we want to do and America's Next Top Modle and...whatever. I think that's the theme of the whole weekend. It was rad because we just spent time together doing whatever we wanted and whatever needed to get done. We didn't bicker or have attitudes and we didn't get bored. We just enjoyed the weekend for what it was and went with the flow. And it was one of the best weekends we've had in awhile. Todd admitted it felt a little off since it was the first weekend where we didn't have Aiden. But we'll get used to alternating. I like kickin' it with the kid but I really enjoed actually having a weekend to just do whatever. I think the new set-up will be good for everyone.

So now here I am, in this great mood, with this great weather. Sure, it would be nicer to be at the zoo or something...maybe cruising on my bike...instead of being stuck inside but someone's gotta make the money, right? The bills aren't going to pay themselves. I hope my good mood can be contagious...I know a few people out there who need their spirits lifted. They need their hopes high-fived. I also hope my good mood can get me painting. So many good ideas and SO MUCH WORK TO DO before August 7th...but I just can't get myself to sit at my station and get to it. Maybe today...seems like a good day to just put the hammer down and get serious.

Enjoy your day, y'all!

I want to be wrooooooooong.

Yep. 2 for the price of 1. I'm bored.

If you need a good song to listen to...I don't know why I keep dispensing musical advice but it's the fist thing I want to do when I see the blank page...listen to "Combat Baby" by The Metric. I think some of the words ("caffeine free, faux-punk fatigues") are really, super lame. But then SOME of them ("I want to be wrong...but...no one here wants to fight me like you do") are just flat out awesome. I like anything that's flat out awesome. I rewind the song so I can listen to that part more than once.

I also do that with "I Don't Like You" by The Muffs. It's hard to get people to like this one because it's fast and screamy and you can't understand what Kim says. But it's an amazing song and if I were in a garage band, I would cover it. It has my FAVORITE part of any song on the planet. Now THIS...THIS I replay over and over and over. The way she sings it...the way it comes out of her mouth...and if you know me, you know I'm not a huge fan of chick singers...it's amazing. Last verse. Listen to it. NOW!

"Mr. 3-Martini-Lunch, about to make a deal. He's got his briefcase, suitcase all packed for Rome. He's gotta wife in limbo, kids in Chicago, and no time left for home".

Love it. Fucking love it.

I was kind of in a riled up and surly mood when I started writing this but thinking about those 2 songs has made me happier. Or maybe it just distracted me. I really hate Facebook, but I've been using their "Pick Your 5 blah blah blah" things as distractions. It really makes you think. Who ARE the 5 people I would most like to punch in the face? What ARE my top 5 favorite movies? And my top 5 beers of choice?? Ok...I guess I really didn't have to think about that one. Regardless...they keep my brain hummin' and not actually processing anything remotely annoying or mood-killing. End rant transmission.

Tomorrow...me, Krista, and a test of my tolerance. How long CAN I sit and have my skin drilled. It's been a long time. Not that my tolerance goes down or anything. I'm just really excited. I'm so pale that every color really pops on this skin. Speaking of this skin...my chest is bruised from my 4th removal session. Let me offer up this tid-bit since I'm going to a fancy-pants dermetologist in Beachwood and paying to be tortured. If your removal causes a blister, it's bad news. Just keep that in mind. I didn't know that did bit when I went years ago to start the process and now I have major scarring and pigment lost. You think my skin can't get whiter? IT CAN! Who knew??

And just because I'm getting rid of the Nephilim doesn't mean I don't like AFI. "Paper Airplanes (Makeshift Wings)" is still one of my go to songs to get pumped up. I'm getting rid of it because...well...just because you're a tattoo artist doesn't mean you're any good.

Remember when we were all going to get hot dog tattoos??

I miss you, Lisa.

Soon that silly kitty is a-scratchin' at my door.

These blogs right here have been copied directly from the My Space page of The (Unsinkable) Pussyfoot Girls. We just celebrated our 4 Year Anniversary this month. After a several months long hiatus, we're gearing up to get back in action this May. New shows, new girls, new emcee. Lots of NEWS, if you will. So take a gander below and fill up on Update From The Scratching Post. You never know, something could catch yer eye!

BLOG #1: UPCOMING SHOW!

Patti Cake and Tootsie Pop of Cleveland's own PUSSYFOOT GIRLS with be hosting The Monsters of Burlesque show when their Ohio tour rolls in to Cleveland!

Marking their first appearance after a short paw-rest, The Pussyfoot Girls will be introducing the fine folks of Monsters of Burlesque and leading audience participation games and antics in between their sets.

So come on out and have yourself a ball with your Unsinkable Pussyfoot Girls...Patti Cake & Toosie Pop (don't worry...beautiful Bobbi Socks will be back for the Motor Psychos Car Show at the end of May)...and The Monsters of Burlesque!!!!

NEXT SATURDAY MAY 2nd @ THE SACHSENHEIM HALL
$8 SHOW STARTS AT 9:00

All-star burlesque direct from New York City!Clams Casino and Neil O'Fortune present: Monsters of Burlesque Tour 2009! We're bringing some of New York's biggest, most award-winning burlesque stars to fabulous venues throughout the Buckeye state! Hilarious, raucous and sexy, a New York-style burlesque show is like nothing you've seen before, combining classic bump 'n' grind with rock power, pop culture comedy and a whole lot of glitter and glam--a night out that you do NOT want to miss! At every stop on this titanic tour, the stars of the show will be sharing the stage with local DJs and bands, making up-close-and-personal appearances, and blowing the roof off of some of Ohio's favorite stages! Clams and Neil are bringing along Creamy Stevens, Jonny Porkpie and Nasty Canasta: combined, these burlesque stars will blow your mind! Don't miss out when they come to your town for ONE night only!

Monsters of Burlesque 2009 Ohio Tour Dates:

Wednesday, April 29th: Dayton! Gilly's, 132 S. Jefferson Street, show at 8:00, just 10 bucks!

Thursday, April 30th: Columbus! Circus, 1227 North High Street, show at 10:00, just 8 bucks! With a special appearance by the Royal Renegades!

Friday, May 1st: Oberlin College! The 'Sco, basement of Wilder Student Union, 135 West Lorain Street, show at 10:30, just 8 bucks!

Saturday, May 2nd: Cleveland! Sachsenheim Hall, 7001 Denison Avenue, show at 9:00, just 8 bucks! With a special appearance by the Pussyfoot Girls!

BLOG #2: NEW GIRLS!

Hey kittens!

It's that time again! The 3 Unsinkable Pussyfoot Girls are on the hunt for some hip-shakin', joke makin', ball bustin' ladies to fill out our outfit in all the right spots! Over the past 2 years, we've said good-bye to Ginger Ale (now a MOM), Suzie Six-Pack (soon to be a MOM), and Queen La Tata (the MOTHER of all one-woman bands)! It's time to bring some new blood to The Pussyfoot Girls. And that new blood might be YOURS! Don't be scared.

A little information for any interested chicks out there: The PFG formed in early 2005 and are a group of go-go dancing gals who put on a PG-13 show (no nudity here but the dance wear is bare). We're a little sexy, a little saucy, a little comical, a little goofy. This isn't your high school talent show but we're by no means professional dancers. We're out there to entertain and get some laughs!!! So any interested parties must be comfy with being scantilly clad and pretty silly!

We practice on the west side of Cleveland every week (we usually take off the week after a big show to rest our paws). There is a possibility for carpooling if you're coming from the south. We're try to schedule at least 1 show a month (our summer is JAM-PACKED so this could mean more) and they are usually on Fridays and Saturdays. Interested girls should be able to arrange their schedules for shows...and we've had some good ones!

Most importantly...we're not looking for girls to just learn what we teach them. We're looking for girls who add something to the group! Make a good thing better, if you will. We all take part is picking songs, choreographing dances, booking and promoting shows, buying and selling merch, handling money and so on. So you think this might be the group for you??? Fun and flirty and so much more???

You can get more information about us, our past shows, past venues, and more on our My Space page! May need a little updating...we've been on a short break!Anyone that is interested in becoming a Pussyfoot Girl must copy the following questionaire into a message (My Space of pussyfootgirls@yahoo.com), fill it out, and send it to us!

We're not being snobs or thinking highly of ourselves. We're just a very tight knit group and are looking for girls we have things in common with who fill fit right in! Just like Bobbi Socks!!! She became a Pussyfoot Girl after our last search! After we review your answers, we will contact you to come to a practice. We will teach you one of our typical routines and see if you feel comfortable with our style and we'll take it from there! The questions may seem silly but they'll help us get a good look into your personality. Just have fun with it!

1. How old are you?

2. Did you dress up for Halloween? If so, what/who were you?

3. Will you be available for practices, shows, travel?

4. Are you comfortable with drinking as most of our shows are at bars, clubs and parties and all of us enjoy a good beverage?

5. Do you have any special talents (rope twirling, juggling, knife throwing, ballet, whatever!)?

6. What type of music do you listen to most and what are a few of your favorite songs?

7. Are you comfortable being scantilly clad (but not totally NUDE)?

8. Have you ever performed in public (in a band, drama club, performance art, etc.)?

9. Have you ever seen us before (and if so, how much do we rule? Ha ha ha...)?

10. Boobies. Please respond.

BLOG #3: NEW EMCEE!

Since the departure of our mouthpiece, Queen La Tata, The Pussyfoot Girls have lost their voice! And it's about time to start talkin'!!! We've got shows to do. And we need a little somethin' extra! Which leads us to...

The Pussyfoot Girls SEARCH FOR AN EMCEE!

We're looking to add an extra someone to The Pussyfoot Girls to act as our official emcee! Someone with personality to get the crowd riled-up and ready! Someone to introduce us gals at the beginning of each show...or each set if there is more than one. Someone to prep that audience from who is up next or who else is performing at the show or whatever antics may follow! Someone to lead audience participation games-n- contests and to give away prizes or run raffles! Someone with a Pussyfoot personality who isn't afraid to interact, chat, and keep the entertainment flowin'!!!!

Are you this person???

We're looking for a guy or gal of any age to become our Pussyfoot emcee. This person will need to be at all of our shows as you basically ARE a Pussyfoot Girl (or a Cock-a-Doodle Dude, if you catch my drift) but not necessarily at our practices. And while we encourage all the goofy, silly, snarky, smutty behavior we can get on STAGE...we need someone who will be "professional". We don't need an emcee who will get too drunk to do their job or forget our names or fall flat on their faces. Though we've all been there...ha ha!

So if you're interested in being the voice of the PFG...please contact us and let us know why you think you're right for the job. And I use the term "job" loosely! You'll get in free to all of our shows and get any perks we get. If we get paid, YOU get paid. But if we don't...well...you were part of a fun show and had a great time. Which should be reward enough...at least we think so!

So create a persona/character...be someone else for a night! Be part of the PFG!

Looking forward to hearing from ya!

LOVE,
PATTI CAKE
PUSSYFOOT GIRL SINCE 2005

Get to the top and I'm too tired to rock.

That's a lie. I'm never too tired to ROCK! Come on.

Although at this minute, I am exhausted. I didn't get such a good night's sleep with all this teeh grinding/jaw tension business. I'm so full of potential remedies right now that my liver will no doubt escape and slap me in the face with itself. I guess any of my organs could get the point across. Liver is just my go to. Point...my mouth and jaw still hurt...and I still don't want to hear any crude jokes about it. If I did, I could get them at home from that pervert I live with.

News (but not Huey Lewis and the...)

1. I'm getting tattooed on Friday. It's been almost a year since I got the heart in a coffin. I can't wait. Basically I was told that for one amazing price, I could get tattooed for as long as I can sit. With an ass like this...she's gonna wanna take that back! Pictures to follow.

2. The Pussyfoot Girls are on the hunt for a permanent emcee and some new ladies. We'll most likely be looking for 2 new gals. I just need to get around to reposting the application. And then I need to get potential emcees lured in. AND I need to start promoting both The Monsters of Burlesque show (Tootsie Pop and I will be hosting and doing some audience participation jazz in between this New York burlesque troupes acts) and the Motor Psychos car show that we will be performing at. Not to mention we need new routines, to practice, to plan costumes...yikes.

3. Tomorrow is 150 days until the wedding. I'm sure I'm the only person who cares about this. Oh...I bet Todd does, too. And Phoebe.

4. We're talking about getting another dog. A puppy. We think Shelby needs a buddy...mostly so she'll leave us alone for more than 10 seconds at a time. She'll be 1 next month. I need to get her a doggie cake. As I've said before, I am ALL about birthdays. Why shouldn't my daughter dog have a birthday? It's on the same day as the Spanky Cup Euchre Tournament...which reminds me...I need to learn how to play! I have too much going on.

5. It's going to be a beautiful weekend! I am going to open ALL of the windows and enjoy it. I have my tattoo appointment and a dinner date Friday. Saturday we're going to the reception spot to do some planning during the day and hitting Quiet Bob's at night to see Miss Firecracker One Woman Band. Sunday...paint, paint, paint! I have 12 half finished paintings and buy this weekend, they are going to be FINISHED! PERIOD! I've got new ideas I need to get out of my brain and on to the canvas.

And THAT is THAT! VIVA!

I remain in shadows growing wings.

With the exception of purchasing wedding bling (!!!) this weekend, it was a rather uneventful few days. Low key. Nothing fancy. Ran some errands. Ate some food. Did laundry. Regular, typical, boring life stuff. And now it's Monday and I'm in a regular, typical, boring Monday mood. I feel like Garfield. All sarcastic and sleepy.

I think I've been grinding my teeth at night due to stress. My jaw is stiff and my mouth is sore (no need for perverted jokes, people). It's giving me a rather rocking headache. Todd apologized and said it's his fault for not "easing" me at home. But it's not him at all. By now, I know how to deal with him and him quirks. I've never had super great stress management skills so I'm not at all surprised that my wreck of a body is starting to pay the price. I need to do yoga. Or punch someone. One of those should do it.

I can officially say the wedding is less that 4 months away.

I went to Sugar and Pete's house to film a few more skits/segments for the Jesus County Fair video that Dennis has been working on for...months. Up until then, I was only in one skit at a pregnant, trailer park bride. I was psyched to get the chance to participate again. This time I was Miss Tickles, the drunken co-host of "Great Moments In Hillbilly History", and a murdered, hick tourist. Now that I think of it...I was a white trash, unwed, teenage mother in the first video Dennis put out! I guess on my resume I can describe myself as a "hillbilly, white trash, trailer park character actress". Why not?

Anyway, we didn't finish the filming so I get to go pack for more...more cheap champage, bright blue eyeshadow, crazy costumes, bizarre dialouge, belching on command and Grimm...in his underwear on top of a grand piano. When I re-read this in 30 years...man...what memories I'll have! I can't wait until "Jesus County Fair" is out on DVD...or cable access...or wherever it's going. Maybe I'll have a screening party or something. Everyone involved...hilarious people. Drop dead hilarious.

Anything else? Probably not. I can't stress enough how ready I am for honeymoonin'. Umbrella drinks, bikinis, chowin' down, chilling out, swimming with sharks...everything. Todd and I decided yesterday that maybe we'll chill out in Ft. Lauderdale for a day or 2 once we get off the boat instead of just high-tailin' it home. Tessa had good things to say about her time in the Everglades...that really appealed to Todd. If I get to swim with sharks in Jamaica, he should get to see crocs in the Everglades. I better start doing some research!

I just got a message from the beautiful Jen May saying that we will have invitations to look at early this week. ROCK! That elevated my stupid Monday moon ever-so-slightly. I'll take whatever upward motion I can get!

I guess now I see how it's gonna be.

I should be in a totally spectacular and awesome, unstoppably rockin' mood for the following reasons:

1. I had Japanese for dinner. Yum.
2. I have Japanese leftovers (& chopsticks) for lunch.
3. A cute boy was snuggled on me this morning.
4. The bills are paid.
5. The honeymoon is booked.
6. Wedding plans are trucking along.
7. Someone is in love with me.
8. I'm losing weight.
9. My skin really looks and feels great.
10. I have Presidente in my fridge.
11. My weekend starts at 5:30pm today.
12. Allison was not kicked off America's Next Top Model.
13. There is a night race on Saturday.
14. My friends are awesome.
15. Pussyfoot Girls starts shows again next month.
16. I should make progress on paintings this weekend.
17. The race is 8 weeks away.
18. We're (maybe) getting a puppy.
19. Todd got me a subscription to US magazine.
20. We're getting wedding bands tomorrow.
21. A year-long weirdness has recently been resolved.

BUT I'M NOT IN A GOOD MOOD!

Those are all the reasons I SHOULD be super psyched and pumped. But I must've woken up on the wrong side of the bed because I am the crabbiest of crabs today. Grrrrr. I went to bed too full. My tummy was too jam-packed with Japanese goodness. So maybe that was part of why I didn't sleep well. And because I was so full...I didn't snuggle. So that didn't help my 'tude today. I'm a snuggle-bug. And someone out there who thinks they can just be a raging, psychotic, bleach blonde BIOTCH (aliteration RULES) attempting (and failing) to wreck lives and be a thug one second and then try to get buddy-buddy and act like she hasn't been a NUTBAG recently...that really ran on...annoyed me right before bedtime. PINCH! PINCH! go my crabby claws.

I'll get over it. There's no reason for me to be in a bad moon. No good reason anyway. I have 21 reasons why I should be slap happy and jumping up-n-down. I better get to it. I really don't want to waste any more time being easily annoyed and riled up today. A nap would probably do the trick. Or some caffeine. Or some Todd time. Or Phoebe time.

How are ya? How have you been?

If you need a morning pump-up...try "Cosmic Thing" by The B-52s. Seriously.

So the issue that was making me all bananas and WTF-ish has been resolved. I feel more at ease. I'm glad that I took time to think things through and plan what I wanted to say to who I said it to and didn't jump the gun, armed with emotions. It didn't hurt that I did all of this thinking over a Dave-n-Buster's Mango Berry...best drink EVER. Todd took me there to turn my frown upside-down. So...I said what I needed to say and...problem solved. I'm a happy bride again. I'm not sure if I even mentioned that my hostility was wedding-related (but not GROOM related). Anyway...all is good.

I'm pretty sure my body is trying to show me who is boss. I am COVERED in unexplained bruises (and some explained ones...from both spanking and clumsiness) and cuts, I dropped 6 gallons of bleach on my finger and mangled it, I got a clotty (gross) bloody nose that looked a lot like Julia from Hellraiser 2, and now I have heartburn! Maybe my body is mad at me for trying to take better care of it. I'm still losing weight, I'm eating better and thinking about my eating (I'm thinking about how I'm having Japanese for dinner RIGHT NOW), I've really been rocking the skin care regimen ( I was told this morning how soft my skin feels)...yep. My body is retaliating! It wants to take me down! Stupid body.

Who has 3 cases of Presidente? THIS GUY!

Be jealous. It's good for you.

I need to go do some weddin' bloggin' now. Ciao!

I know I won't be leaving here with you.

I'm so utterly miffed about something I heard yesterday but I can't talk about it since I haven't decided if I will confront said big mouth (it's not you, you know who...we're cool). Sure, I'm a sensitive son-of-a-gun at times...but this situation...it just royally sucks. I really would love to spill the whole story and get some feed back but I just can't yet. I'll just say that...people still have the ability to shock the Hell out of me in a really horrific way. Recently, some people have shocked me in a NOT-so-horrific way...which is pretty cool...and rare.

I just can't believe some people can be so cruel and so selfish. I'm sure I'm guilty of being both of those things at times. But in THIS situation...it's just unacceptable. ESPECIALLY when it deals with family. It ruined my holiday, not that I'm big on Easter or anything. But that's not the point. It shouldn't have gone down the way it did. Actually...I guess nothing has even gone down yet. But it will. And I think the results won't be pretty. Man...I'm irritated. And I didn't sleep very well. And I really need to have Todd's back today so I shouldn't be worrying about this nonsense.

People are dummies.

You're so sweet. You're so pretty.

I listened to "You're So Lewd" on the way to work today. I forgot how much I love that song. And The Reatards in general. That song totally reminds me of mine and Johnny's days running amuck at The Mantis, even though they never played there. It makes me want to FSSU! So does " I Know You're Ready" by Le Shok. And speaking of Jay Reatard...

Todd told me the other day that he's been all over the interwebs trying to find my favorite Lost Sounds shirt. You know, the jersey with the rat on it that you've all seen me wear one million times? All my happiest days have been in that shirt. It's like when I wear it, I'm unstoppable. Nothing bad ever happens in that shirt. I'd like to be buried in it. Todd's been looking for a back-up for the day the shirt bites the dust. It already has a small hole in the armpit and a faint stain on the front. I'll be devastated when it becomes unwearable (it probably did when the stain set in) so I thought it was pretty awesome that he was trying to save me from that (trivial) pain.

Let me state once again (I sent an e-mail, who knows if you'll read it)...to you...that the previous post was NOT about you. And on that note...to ALL of you...let me rant for one more second about my disgust for certain people who shall remain nameless (but are not YOU, you know who). I want to vomit in my lap! When you think idiots can't get more idiotic, THEY DO! To an outstanding degree! And they take really good people (not me...not that I'm not awesome) down with them. For that alone...shame. It's just so frustrating. Bad things happen to good people and bad people get away with EVERYTHING. I know. I used to be a bad person. I can't stress about it anymore. It's not my battle to fight. But when it hurts people I care about...whatever. Hopefully it will all be sorted out soon and I can toast success with a Presidente.

Speaking of...

How hard is it to find Presidente anywhere near Ohio??? REALLY TERRIBLY DIFFICULT. I am not driving to NYC to get any, that's for sure. Why hasn't this country embraced such a delicious treat? If you haven't had the priviledge of slugging a 33 degree Presidente...you don't know what you're missing. But I know what I am missing...because it can't be found anywhere!! Grrrrrrr. The hunt continues.

Enjoy your holiday weekend, y'all. Back Monday.

Tell me I'm special even when I know I'm not.

People make me laugh. A lot. And they make me feel sad for the future of humanity. I'm not going to get into it because it will probably make me, and maybe you, throw up in my lap. Phoebe said, "Wow...that is fucking disgusting". I couldn't agree more. But I'm staying out of it. I'd rather just worry about me and my family and not what idiots certain people are and how they MUST turn their brains off when they do certain things and CLEARLY have no regard for the personal safety and well-being of youth. I guess not everyone can be awesome.

Phoebe still loves my stupid ass. She's more awesome than you.

Last night was great. I went to bed feeling great, I slept great, I woke up feeling great, my skin looks great, my hair looks great, and from what I hear, my ass and legs look great in my new jeans! Feeling great is far superior to feeling gross. Common sense. I started a new "beauty regimen"...sounds so posh...in order to prep for the wedding and I SWEAR that after 2 days, my skin and hair and nails look improved. Even if it's just mind over matter...I feel great. GREAT is the word of the day (even if it's a boring one)! Sure I spent a little more money on lotions and potions than I normally would, but if I wake up feeling this mind-blowingly good...it must be worth it, right? And I lost 6 pounds! I can see and feel the difference. I'm carrying myself differently today. I can take on the mothertrucking world.

A lot of it has to do with Todd.

We're in such a good place right now after temporarily being in a nasty, rotten place. It was brief but it was ick. After several "constructive criticism" talks and e-mails from Phoebe, I had to accept that we had some communication issues. And now...we're aces! We have a solid foundation now...super solid...and I feel so confident. Knowing that I'm part of something I really believe in with someone who really believe in me...boss. We just had to learn when to shut our mouths and when to open them. And we had to learn how to apologize and take fault and how to accept apologies and learn from mistakes. Anything I might have been worried about...I'm not anymore. We are TOTALLY high-fiving our asses off at the wedding, I'll tell you what.

The song Rocko wrote for the ceremony is called "So True". Got that right.

Enough moosh. What else is there to say? Not much. Phoebe's not making a voo-doo doll of me...check. Todd and I are totally bananas in love, as it should be. Check. The bills are almost totally under control. Check. Koffin Kats are coming this weekend and we will be there rocking out. Check. I'm losing weight and eating better. Check. I have a more positive outlook and tend to be more appreciative of my family, friends, and the good things I've got going. Check. I'm going to see Carol's adorable face tonight. Check. And not that this is something you want to hear about but the X-Rated part of my life...CHECK! CHECK! CHECK!

As I always end up saying: life...is...GREAT!

Switched it up on ya. You gotta be quick with me!

Build a fortress around my heart.

Let me start off by saying that "Oh My God" by Ida Maria makes me want to seriously fuck some shit up. It's an amazing song for being so repetetive. It makes my heart beat insanely fast and it makes me feel really alive. If you haven't heard it, listen to it. And if you hate it, jump off a bridge. OK...I could probably do without the dude singing along but it wouldn't be as full. Just go...rock out.

And let me continue by saying...

That I suck. And Todd sucks, too. We deserve each other because we suck so badly! Because of something that I don't even feel like getting into, we didn't make it to Phoebe's art show on Friday. I'm gringing just typing that. And the entire time that the thing I don't want to discuss was going down, we both had the fact that we were missing the show in the back of our minds. We feel rotten and 2 inches tall. I waited two days to even contact her to apologize because there was nothing I could possibly say to make it up to her or make it better. I should have been there, no matter what else was going on at home. And she's being incredibly understanding which makes it even worse. I want her to tell us to fuck off (not REALLY...she's my M-O-H) or that we're horrible, selfish friends. But she's not...damn it. I just want to say it again, and have it documented for posterity...

Phoebe, we are so sorry and we know how rotten it is that we weren't there and of all people, YOU are the person we shouldn't let down and we did. So even if you won't punish us...we're punishing ourselves on your behalf. If it takes flowers or cookie bouquets or fondue or punching Todd in the face (I'm selfish AND vain)...we'll make it up to you. Somehow. Love, Lacey and Todd.

Aside from totally bailing on Phoebe, this weekend put a lot of things into perspective. I could go on and on about what went down and how it was resolved and what was said and what will be done and how we came out of it so strong-n-solid. But honestly, I'm exhausted from the whole thing. I don't have the drive to relive it all right now. I barely have the focus to type this blathering mess. I will leave you with these gems.

I love you, Phoebe. And I'm sorry. We're sorry.

I love you, Todd. 166 days to go. And then we "consider" it.

I love you, smaller ass. You're adorable in my new jeans.

Out.

With man made feelings and scars still healing.

It's been a long time since I've blogged twice in one day.

Because I got busy living.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that the sours grapes are done feeding my raaaaaaaaaage! SOUR GRAPES! Oh, Milo. Regardless, as the day has gone by and words-n-feelings and whatnot have been thrown around (better than fists, I'd say, but painful all the same), it seems like all the fallout has settled and everyone has come out relatively unharmed. But don't mistake my calm state of being of turning pussy on ya. I still wouldn't mess with me.

NO MORE. DONE. GONE.

I just wanted those words saved for posterity.

In lighter, fluffier news...I have a weekend of "serious together time" ahead. That's a start, I'll tell you what. We don't want to be bothered until Monday morning. And that's an order! So enjoy your weekends doing whatever you're doing.

Their social misguidance was twisted sickly.

170 days to the wedding. Word.

I'm not trying to be tuff stuff here, but I am the last person people should fuck with. That's just an honest statement. I've known myself for 30 years so I know what I'm like when I have a thorn in my paw. I hold a mean grudge and I can get nasty. I don't just talk the talk. That's one of my biggest pet peeves...people who talk big and then can't follow through. I follow through, believe me. So I besiege people to just stay out of my way. My path is not a good place to be once I get fired-up.

Now that I'm done feeding my rage...

Yesterday sucked, which I was not at all expecting. I woke up slap-happy and ready to rally but that was quickly dashed. I hate people. I really do. People are such phonies. Not the Ol' Kentucky Sharks, of course. But even some people you hold in such high regard can suck sometimes. I, personally, am all awesome all of the time. No more second guessing myself...not that that happens frequently. I'm at a place in my life where I just don't need excess bullshit kiddie stuff. I hate liars. I hate bullshitters. And I hate people who try to decide what would be best for me. That's my job. I'm my own boss.

I am sour today. And my eyelids are swollen. And I sliced my lip open which is annoying but I kind of look like Scar from The Lion King. I'm basically counting down the hours until my work day is done and it's the weekend. Honestly, I'm counting down the hours until I stop stewing. And not just about one thing...about many things. I had such high hopes for this week and this weekend and then I got an open-palmed slap to the face. Well...I slap back. That's a promise AND a threat. I'm starting to really be amused by how surly I sound. Life just handed me some lemons and I'm about to make lemon-flavored Vodka out of them.

Other than that...everything is aces over here! April is showcasing a few fun events that can prep me for the big May Rock-n-Roll-A-Rama! So much going on in May, my liver and wallet may commit suicide. I can't wait for May. I can't wait to "cruise around" and rock out and be ME and be happy. There's no reason I can't be happy in April, and I will be. But May...man. I used to go to shows weekly and multiple shows on weekends. Even to see bands I've never heard of or bands I despised. That was the most fun time of my life. Going out of town to see bands. Buying t-shirts. Being obnoxious and shaking my fist. I'm gonna shake the fuck out of my fist in May.

May is going to be my reward for sticking it out.

They can't know what lies ahead.

Since I am relatively awesome all of the time, I don't typically get all emo and cheeseball about romantic songs, especially by corny new-punk bands with goofy names. BUT...after hearing the song for the first time while watching the video, I l-o-v-e Plain White T's "1, 2, 3, 4". I was practically sobbing by the time the (adorable) video was over. Did a little tugging at my heart strings, I guess. So...there. I lost a little street cred and I don't give a flipping flapjack about it.

FAREWLL BEER!

Yes, boys-n-ghouls, I'm kicking malted hopps and barely to the curb...during the week at least. I've got a strict beauty regimen that goes into effect 5 months before I walk down that aisle...and 5 months is creepin' up! I've always had good skin but I want to MOTHERTRUCKIN' RADIATE! So I have a plan for skin, hair, teeth, body and soul. I want to knock Todd's rented socks off (oh yes, everything but drawers come with the tux rental) when I waltz his way. So no more boozin' during the week. It'll be worth 5 months of water-n-weights when I'm toned, tuff, and taking names! We only get one set of wedding pictures. I owe it to myself.

I feel really good today. I feel good about my health-n-beauty plan. I feel good about the art show. I feel good about the wedding plans. I feel good about my relationship. Sure, I'm not stress free...because I wouldn't be me if I was...but I've got boatloads to get psyched about. I do miss my friends. I wish I could see them more often, and that's bound to happen at all the shows coming up during May Mayhem! I just want to wrap this good feeling around me for awhile. I am far superior when I'm laughing and goofing off, cruising around wrecking havok then I am when I'm down in the dumps. I'm mothertrucking 30 and...

...

...life is good!

Everyone's excited and confused!

I used to be of the frame of mind that I could only listen to soothing, quiet, mellow music in the morning so my head wouldn't explode or I wouldn't be overly amped for the work day. SCREW THAT! Now that only songs I want to listen to on the way to work are songs that make me go bananas and sing loudly and confuse the other drivers on the road! My current favs for the morning commute are "Cowtown" and "Man, It's So Loud In Here", both by They Might Be Giants. I've been listening to "get psyched" music every morning this week and it has flown by!! When I clock out today, it'll be the weekend!! FUCK YEAH!

And I don't have anything on my schedule (outside from a much needed haircut)!!! I am free as a bird! There is no reason why I shouldn't knock out all the paintings I started last Sunday. No reason at all! I refuse to get boring and lazy! And with Todd being all sick-o and out of commission...no excuses. I'm going to be covered in paint from head to toe by the time Sunday rolls around. Even my eyeballs! Even my ribs! Even my vag! I love having nothing on the schedule. Sure, I love shows and parties and events. But I also love staying in my pajamas all day and chilling at the Ol' Kentucky Corral!

There MIGHT be something in the works for Sunday since it's our 1 year anniversary. But whatever it is, it'll be wee and small and nothing because we're trying to financially responsible for a change. We don't want to start our married life as broke bastards. Only 177 days to go until I'm a Mrs. Holy dog shit. Incredible. And I'd like to be a Mrs. with a little money, ya know? So maybe we'll just high five and toast and pat ourselves on the back for surviving all the ups and downs for the past 365 days. Surviving the downs at least. The ups are bad ass! Regardless...we at least have to celebrate a little. We're bananas about each other and count our lucky stars all the time. Have a solid relationship and still having crushes on one another...that's a good reason to celebrate, I think.

Viva La Weekend!

No, I never take it out on you.

First let me say that I love tangerine being a new wedding color in combination with pink and red. I think it's pretty awesome and I'm not even a fan of colors in the orangey hues. And tangerine is not one of my wedding colors. But I love it. And I love the word tangerine. But I hate tengerines themselves. Gross. And there you have it.

That was the nice rant. Now for not-so-nice.

I'm stressssssed and everyone can feel it from a mile away. My eating paterns are weird. My sleep is just non-existant. I'm don't feel very motivated and I feel very defeated and nervous which is NOT how I like to feel. I like to feel like I could stick my boot right up the ass of the world. I like to feel triumphant. But I've got stress right now. And I don't want to list off the variety of things that are making me down-n-out. But I WILL say that Todd is not one of my stressors. And getting married is not a stressor. I like to thing those are my rewards for hard work. 6 months to go.

I'm looking forward to this weekend for sure. Friday night, Johnny and I are compiling a list of our Top 10 Favorite Episodes of "How I Met Your Mother" and plowing through them all. Beer, junk food, pajamas, vegging. I'm going to paint during the day and sloth at night. I'm sure my sides will be splitting. More painting Saturday during the day and then...EL MUCHACHO!!! If I can scrape the funds together (money these days is for necessities and contrary to MY belief...El Muchacho doesn't fall into that category). And Sunday...BRISTOL! It has relaxing potential written all over it and THAT is what I need.

I also need stress management skills.

Believe it or not.

Oh, and...I love you Phoebe. And Tessa. And Becky.

You know that I'm no good.

I wish I would have had a little tape recorder with me when I was at Phoebe's on Thursday so I could have made some "notes to self". Hilarity was spilling out of our mouths, I'll tell you that much. Besides being witty and awesome, we browsed wedding shoes, finalized bridesmaids gifts, and talked about how when I have babies, Phoebe will spend $40,000 at some rad boutique to cloth my kid. If Phoebe has 40,000 spare dollars, she and I need to chat! Regardless, it was a funny Thursday night with a funny girl and her funny dogs.

Followed by a funny bath with a funny guy.

Friday...wedding stuff. And then Carol's CD release. Todd and I were supposed to truck out there together but at dinner, he started feeling sicko. So I was solo, sugar. But when I got onto Waterloo...NO POWER! BLACKOUT! I had a beer and shot the breeze with Phoebe and Ant, listened to Carol dazzle the entertainment-hungry crowd with some accoustic gems, feel in love with Sobourbon Son and then boogied shortly after the lights came back on. I was exhausted and couldn't hack the delay. Plus, tattoo removal was making me itchy and crabby. Whatever. I'm lame.

I was going to go on about the rest of my weekend, which was a pretty bad-ass one, but fuck. The hearing in my left ear went sometime on Saturday night while I was bowling with a band of hooligans (3 strikes in the 10th frame...ALL HAIL ME) and has yet to return. Everything is fuzzy. And sometimes I have some sort of reverb. There are things I don't want to hear once yet alone twice...and more high pitched. I don't know what's going on up in that ear but irritating and obnoxious are how I will describe it. I wish I had a knitting needle to stick in there. They tend to offer relief in weird medical situations.

I wanna stomp your face with my Keds!

I have practically nothing to say again. I'm sure you're all shocked and amazed since my mouth is usually running like a bandit. But since I don't sling wedding details here, and the wedding has become all encompassing, I just have nothing. Zip. Nada. You just wait until May! In May, I'll be rocking out and all bananas. Not only will PFG be back in action but there are plenty of shows that I'll be takin' my dancin' shoes to. You'll be able to quilt a blanket of blogs once we get to May. But for now...

YAWN.

The Queers are playing at Grog Shop on Thursday. I sort of wanted to go and relive my youth but no one wants to relive it with me. And I'll probably just feel old because they'll be all old. But what else am I going to do? I don't work on Friday or anything. But I can bet I won't be there. And they'll probably play "Like a Parasite". But I won't know if they did or didn't. I'll just have to make up for being old by NOT being old at Carol's CD release on Saturday.

That's right Boys-n-Ghouls! Get your asses down to the Beachland Tavern for Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band's CD release show and snag a copy of "Red, White and Boobs"! I think the show is at 9:00 and I think it's $5. And I know your mind will be blown and you'll have boat loads of fun. Simple as that. I'll be there having fun. You can hang out with me.

You're the one for me. I like what I see.

The quickest rambling wrap-up ever.

I'm sick. Left work after half an hour on Thursday with the Black Death. Went straight to Urgicare...no messing around. Left with 4 prescriptions and spent a majority of the weekend in bed, slowly dying. So congested and what not that my eardrums have pulled in tight. And my lungs and swollen. And I'm miserable. Back to work and the real world, unfortunately, and still not in tip top condition. Bummer.

So there you have it. If you think I've been M.I.A., I have.

So hurry up and bring your jukebox money!

I'm in a good mood today (yeah yeah yeah, you can wipe those faces straight off your heads). I had a good weekend from start to finish despite the fact that I was laced with the black death! There was some turmoil on Wednesday because someone was poking their snout where it didn't belong. But that's over, being laughed about by many, many people, and life is good. Better than yours, for sure.

Friday, I sealed the deal on all kinds of wedding stuff but you can find that on ye ol' wedding blog. I also accompanied Todd and Aiden to the school dance. It was a fun change of pace. The music was horrible. The dancing was minimal. The grape Kool-Aide was spot on. Saturday Aiden and I had an Ihop breakfast date. Later, the fellas and I went to Dave and Busters but I was rocking a fever so it wasn't my best trip ever. The rest of the weekend can be filled in with mindless television, cough syrup and Mucinex, sleeping, and sickness. But overall, it was good. And tonight, I have a Mardi Gras date with my fiancee. Not bad. Not bad at all.

And last but not least, Happy belated Birthday, Rebecca. I'm sorry that my sickness kept me from spending the weekend with you. There was nowhere I wanted to be more. You're a bad ass friend and I love you! Everyone should love you! Happy 38th!!!

Why can't we have a change of pace?

GRRRRRRRRRR!!!

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...

GRRRRRRR!! BLATHERRRRRR!!!

I am just not in a good mood or a good place at all right now. I'm not all down-n-out and crying and melancholy. I'm just...whatever! Did you ever hear "My United States of Whatever" by Liam Lynch? That's me right now. "Then along comes Kiki and she's all 'Awwwwwww' and I'm like 'WHATEVER!'".

I'm in a FTW and WTF kind of mood right now. I honestly could give a flying f-f-f-f-f-fuck if you were on fire. That's a general YOU. And honestly, I probably do care if many people I know are on fire. But not everyone I know. I guess I could piss it out for those unfortunate few that I can't be bothered with right now. I'm just kind of sick of people. And this mood I'm in is not good motivation for doing anything other than drinking away the part of the day that I can not sleep away...thank you very much, slurry Modest Mouse guy.

I need another date with Phoebe. We went to McIntyre's last week. It's not our "usual" spot but it's got atmosphere and personality and people that actually come to your table and bring you more drinks and they are rude or put out for doing their jobs! Are you hearing this, West Park Station? This means YOU! Anyway, I ordered everything fried that I possibly could, drank 4 beers, and spit out my problems as fast as I could so Phoebe could tell me an awesome story. I need more awesome time with Phoebe.

Actually, I just need to punch someone in the face. I have someone all picked out. Me slugging said person could really only help at this point. Totally diasater from the neck up. I should probably stop talking. I'm spitting negativity into all your grills.

I wish I still smoked.

I'm part of you indefinitely.

This morning I was listening to some mix CDs that my sister made me for my 30th birthday, and there was a cover of Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby". It made me strangely happy. I'm not even kidding you that when I was 20, that was my jam. Which is really weird because 20 to 22 was probably the height of my filthy punk phase and right inbetween Minor Threat and The Misfits was Mariah Carey, sitting comfortable on her big ass. Oh, the things you think about when you're 30 and rocking out to the mix CDs your sister made you.

So, yeah. I'm 30 now.

I'm all about being 30. Sadly, my birthday was not as mind-blowing as I had hyped up in my mind. We started birthday weekend off with a bang (and bangING) and an impromptu trip to the movies to see "My Bloody Valentine" in 3D. We loved it. It was incredible. Gore from the get-go. Friday was a mix up good-n-bad. Todd took the day off work to be with me...good. We went to The Melting Pot for lunch...good. I got suuuuuuuuper carsick on the way home and threw up the expensive lunch I just paid for and really didn't have much motivation to get off the couch for the rest of the night...bad. Todd because withdrawn, quiet and frustrated about some stressers in his life...bad. So Thursday was bad ass and Friday was both bad-ass and ass-bad.

Now it's my birthday. Todd sang to me in the middle of the night. Cute. Funny. We got up and went to breakfast which was fun, but I found out I had some issues at the bank. Way to wreck a morning. I brushed it off and got done some things I needed to get done and felt fairly accomplished. We cleaned for Becky's arrival and slowly...things just went down hill. Dinner was a ton of fun. Dinner will be the highlight. I have the best friends a girl could ask for. But I'd like to erase everything that happened after that from my brain. I'd like to blame it all on stress but that would just be an excuse. So the night ended earlier than I would have liked and never got better. Crying on your 30th birthday? Lame. Your friend driving all the way from Columbus just to drive back home at midnight? Lame.

Yesterday was my family birthday. It was great. It was relaxing. My parents really know how to do it up. But my mind was somewhere else. It was still a wreck from the night before, I guess. I dunno. I was just half there and half not. We did get a really sun surprise regarding the wedding. And I did get a beer glass from Milwaukee for the Women's Drinking Team which I LOVE. We talked a lot of wedding talk and my one sister who I thought was on the fence about being a bridesmaid bought a dress (!!!) which eased my mind. There were definite highs. We trucked home and got into movie mode and just sort of zoned out. I think I'm still zoned out.

Maybe it wasn't the best way to start 30 off. Nah...I'm not going to say that. Cause some of it was great and some of it was crazy fun. There were just lows that I wasn't expecting. But I guess it's just a day, right? Things didn't have to be mind-blowing just because it was my birthday. I mean...just because it's my favorite day of the year doesn't mean it's going to make everyone else be upbeat and awesome. Oh well. 30 will still be a good year.

Or I'm moving to Guam.

Light up a cigarette. Take it to bed.

I haven't written in a week. That's because there's nothing to write but motherfucking horror stories. Life is just feeling all kinds of dumb right now. Life has been upside-down DUMB this week. I've had to deal with dummies and I've felt like a dummy (fuck that noise, ya know?) and I'm just irritated through and through. Dumb fucking week. And it's BIRTHDAY WEEK!!! This is supposed to be pure insanity! I don't just celebrate the DAY. I celebrate THE WEEK! And I'm doing a damn shabby job of it, yo.

But it should perk up tomorrow. At quittin' time, my 3 day birthday weekend begins. Rumor around the campfire is somr people from work may be hittin' a local watering hole after we clock out to celebrate mine and Dan's respective births. And on Friday...yeah...so I have to clean. So what? It's cleaning for a good reason. BECKY IS COMING TO VISIT SATURDAY! Holy fucking dog shit. Amazing reason to clean. And then Saturday night...celebration city. If my mind isn't TOTALLY blown outta my SKULL...I can make it to family birthday funday Sunday.

And then 30 will be a-go.

Can I get a WHAT! WHAT! Or something else thuggish?

Amen.

And I'm staying right here forever.

I think it's a lot easier to bitch than to gush. It's so much easier to point out what's sucko than what's super awesome because the negative stuff tends to take us over in total. A blog that Phoebe had written sparked this thought in my peanut-sized brain. She is a little bananas when it comes to blogs and subscribes to...A LOT! She recently ditched one due to it's recent negative vibe. I was worried it was ME (it wasn't...she worships the quicksand I walk on) because things have sorta been the pits recently. I've probably been spitting more venom than I should. I'm going to try and let go of the icky stuff quicker and appreciate the awesome stuff more. Simply so Phoebe doesn't unsubscribe from me. Haw haw haw.

So here's something I appreciate...

I had a totally sucko day yesterday! There's some icky family garbage going on, there was some "uh oh...why do I feel nauseated all the time" stuff going on, money stuff, INSANE days at work...it was just a lot all at once and frost that with not sleeping well recently...I was one miserable cupcake. UNTIL I walked in my door.

Todd was all pajama'd up and waiting for me at the door with open arms for a big hug. I needed it. Hugs are sometime's the best medicine for a fucked-up day. I mean...a hug isn't going to make you feel better if you get raped or stabbed, probably. But if your day is overly stresseful, a hug can do the trick. He had made up a couch nest for me and ordered Chinese food. I got showered up, pajama'd up, crawled in my nest, chowed down, and just automatically destressed in his (and Ben and Jerry's) lovin' snuggle. Maybe all this sounds disgusting and vomit-inducing but...SHUT THE HELL UP! I'm trying to be positive!!! He didn't have to be all sweet and caring but he was AND I APPRECIATE IT more than he could possibly know. And although I didn't sleep GREAT, I slept better than I have in about 2 weeks.

So the ride into work was wrist-slittingly horrific but I had nice things to think about and knew that my fella was worried about my safety since I'm not a fan of weathery nonsense. And that's another thing...my car was all toasty when I left for work and a path had been soveled all the way to my driver's side door. He was like the Abominable Snow Todd when he came inside, red faced and frosty...but he did it so I wouldn't have to get red-faced and frosty. Not everything is sucko. Fiancees are cute, family is helpful, friends are bad-ass.

I still haven't made a resolution. Negativity-free in 09?

Wondering...are you receiving me?

Getting out of bed this morning was a brutal undertaking and I can certainly say that if I had the option of killing a bunny with my barehands or getting out of bed...fuck you, bunny. Actually, I don't mean that at all because I love bunnies. I'm just trying to stress...dramatically...how juvenile I was being about rallying this morning. Todd came in and crawled on my back being just downright fucking adorable so I had no choice. I had to get verticle.

WHY CAN'T I SLEEP???

I woke up several times during the night and had really berzerk and realiztic dreams (one where I was desperately trying to get into a jam-packed college French class and another where I was in a limo with a black man and a woman from Brazil who clearly thought clothing were optional). On the drive hom from Jen May's last night (to hear me blather about the bad-ass "save the date" postcards, check the Weddin' Blog), I was struggling to keep my eyes open. I can fall asleep lickity split. I just can't STAY asleep. I don't have quality sleep. I have quality snuggle time but that doesn't help me function without whinning through the day. And what a long day it is.

Some folks don't understand it.

Sick. Fucking sick.

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...

Yep. Still sick. Haven't done anything but sleep and mope and stare into space for the past 2 days. Todd wants me to see an Immunologist so I can stay with him longer (a.k.a. NOT DIE). I think it's finally time to schedule that appointment because my body and spirit are about ready to give up. I could go into a whole spazz attack about how it's not effing fair that I'm sick all the time. But what's the point? That just takes energy I don't have.

Life is sucko right now. Plain-n-simple.

Babe, we got the bull by the horns.

I just wrote a rambling, pink, fluffy, hearts-n-rainbows account of how in love with my fiancee I am. If you're anything like me, you would have throw up blood into your hands for sure and then punched a child in the side of the head after reading that. So I got rid of that sugar-coated serenade and I'll just say this:

I love my fiancee. Even when I want to staple his mouth shut and break his knuckles with a hammer...I love him. There's no better feeling than waking up in the middle of the night and seeing someone you're bananas about lying next to you. Unless of course that person gets up with you since you have insomnia and tells you how beautiful you are during "nakie time". Yeah...that feels better than just seeing them lying there in a heap, snoring with raging morning breath flying in your direction. But that's still awesome. Morning breath is comforting.

But we can talk about my morning breath fetish later.

I'm a lucky girl. I have a guy who tells me, "i dont ever want to be away from you. FOREVER IS REAL. i just want u to know that." Warm-n-fuzzies? You better believe it! Separation Anxiety? We probably have it. Good thing we're in it for the long haul!

In 2007, I saw him in the crowd at Dragway 42, wearing a Koffin Kats shirt, and thought, "That dude is cuuuute". I didn't know he was swooning over me, too. And I sure as Hell didn't know that the guy I was checking out...while in my Pussyfoot gear, swillin' beer, chillin' with Jenny Penny...would be the guy I married in 2009. I think we saved each other's lives. And I think that's pretty much the coolest thing on the planet.

So yeah...I love my fiancee. And in 247 days, I'll love my husband.

Not bad, I say. Not bad.

I want to be with you...be with you night and day

I have a total crush on the girl from the Progressive.com commercials. The one who suggests you spend the money you save on a nice, tricked-out name tag. I believe her name is Flo in the commercials. Anyway, I think her voice is adorable and I'm really into her heavy eyeliner-n-lipstick...and they way her hair is half 50s stylie and half disheveled. She reminds me a lot of a girl I know who works at The Mission. Just adorable all around. Even when she's saying something snarky or negative...she sounds so upbeat and psyched. So...there. Now you can think of me any time you see a Progressive.com commercial.

This weekend was weird. Everything felt "off", if you will. With a whiskey sour and a Teen Idols mix, I painted a 2 canvas painting that I'm really psyched about. I'll be sad to see it go...if it goes. If not, I'll find a nice place for it and masturbate to it and/or drool all over it. I don't know why I'm so in love with the painting...I just feel really good about it. I felt really good when I went over to my future in-laws house and saw my deer paitning hanging in a really bad-ass spot. I got the warm-n-fuzzies for a second.

Regardless of my artistic accomplishments...and the 5 pounds I lost...it was a weird weekend. I can't explain it. I'm not going to try. The damn little black raincloud was hovering again. I'm just having these wacky amounts of stress and no skills to deal with it all! And I hurt my back which isn't helping matters. I'm just a big, jumbled mess...with a slightly smaller ass and thinner mug! Tessa has been a great cheerleader this week, keeping my head above water. I think when you bottle certain things up...or just don't bother to deal with them at all...you're bound to explode eventually. I think I'm slowly leaking or something. Hopefully I mellow soon. I want to enjoy 2009! I want to enjoy planning our wedding (caterer tasting thisn Saturday...holy fucking YUM, am I psyched). And it's almost my BIRTHDAY which is my favorite day of the entire YEAR! Things have to level out.

"Radar Love" is playing. That's a step in the right direction.

I see the way you look at me.

Oh bother. Fucking little black raincloud...

I suggested that some pals should try and diagnose me if they felt so inclined, based on symptoms from the past few nights. Some people think I'm having panic attacks. Some people think it may be a side effect from some weird (and possibly govenment-spread) illness going around. Some people think it's stress-related. And one thinks...or thought, when it began...that it was all tied into a hangover I had this weekend (but that would be one loooooong hangover).

Bottom line: who knows what's going on with me?

I felt like I wanted to cry. Like that would offer some physical relief since the knot in my chest would be freed. But I couldn't cry. Then finally the flood gates opened. I didn't CRY, per se. But little teardrops came out. It happened at weird random times...at my desk at work, during a surprise shower hug, while Todd and I watched the "Rock of Love: Charm School" reunion, in the Snuggle Dome. Always a few drops. No sniffling or sobbing or emotion. But no RELIEF EITHER! So that theory was bust.

I have zero appetite. I can't sleep. Todd is being great because he has his share of ups-n-downs and I've always got his back. Showers, hugs, kisses, offering to cook me dinner, offering to go out, stay in, watch cartoons, do whatever...the tender-lovin' works. But I've never had this kind of weird low. My head is somewhere else. It's frustrating and I'm over it. But I don't know HOW to get over it. Because I don't know what's going on. And let me clarify...I am NOT depressed. I just need a tune-up or something. And fast.

I am going to focus all my energy on my campaign to outlaw "The Snuggie". I've got Tessa on board and I'm pretty sure I can recruit Phoebe, who is also anti-Snuggie in a major way. I can focus any leftover energy or what not on the fact that I'm going to be 30 one month from today. And that my art show opening is 7 months from today. And I'm going to be Todd's wife in 254 days. And I'll be on a cruise ship, sippin' a Mudslide pool-side in 255 days. There are major things to look forward to. I don't want to start a potentially awesome year feeling potentially sucko.

I'm anti-"sucko".

You're a bad-hearted boy-trap, babydoll.

First blog of 2009, the year I'm getting married. Yowza.

I guess a good place to start would be with Christmas and New Years and all that jazz. But I don't wanna. Not because they weren't great. They were. Exactly what I expected and all. Chill. Low-key. Nothing mind-blowing but nothing forgettable. Nice. I am totally just throwing around really lame adjectives and descriptions right now and probably boring you to tears. Or to suicide. Your pick. Holidays were good, glad they're over, ready for my 30th birthday...moving on.

I am exhausted and have a fishbowl in my skull, no doubt. I have NOT been sleeping well and it's going on WEEKS now. Even Advil PM can't save me. The prescription junk makes me snacky and that doesn't mesh well with the 2.5 pounds I've lost so far. But I need to sleep and can't and it's making me bananas! I have zero stress-management skills so I know that isn't helping me one bit. But then there's this new annoyance in my life.

Saturday night, after battling a werid and unexpected hangover, my heart started raaaaaacing. And I began to feel really nervous. I was in a weird panic for no reason whatsoever. Even when I'm stressed, I don't get weird hardcore physical effects. This was unlike anything I've ever dealth with before. Maybe I was having an anxiety attack? I dunno. But I DO know that it happened again LAST night before bed. Same time frame. Same physical nuttiness. My heart was beating so hard that I could feel it in my ear which causes major ickiness for me. Bananas. All of it.

Not to much else to blather about. I haven't made my resolutions yet. Didn't paint as much as I wanted to during my time off but DID make some progress. Maybe passing on Heavy Rebel this year. Wedding junk. My life is a little on the dull side these days. Not DULL. I'm lovin' life. Livin' it. There is just a thread of excitement missing right now. It's all low-key. That's probably a good thing...since my heart seems to be attempting to ex