***

I'm still alive, though some days it doesn't feel that way. Then other days, there's nothing I'd rather do that read books to my son and listen to him fart in his sleep. It's hard to be in these waves. I guess it's just going to take more time to feel like I used to...but I wish I knew how much. If on August 9th, you told me I would eventually be cracking jokes, leaving the house, and smiling...genuinely smiling, not putting on a front...I would've told you to eff off. Actually, I would've probably smiled and nodded but punched you in my brain using my mind. I am getting better day by day. I'm not totally repaired by any means. I'm still crying. I'm still at odds with a higher power. But I'm not where I was on August 9th. I'm not spending so much time on the bathroom floor. I'm enjoying the moments with my son. He's my best friend. I don't want to miss a minute of his life. Maybe I wish I could fast forward through some things but overall...being a mom beats anything I've ever done, lame and cliche as that may sound. I just need to get my spine sturdy. I'm the one that fights. It's in my programming. Anyway, I know this was baby related and the updates are more common over at 1313 Mockingbird Lane, but I wanted you to know I'm still alive. That's something to be thankful for.