Monday, August 30, 2010

Don't want to leave but we both know sometimes it's better to go.

My existence right now can only be categorized as "zombified".

Zombified and bloated. I've been eating and drinking my emotions.

My grandma died Saturday evening.

She was surrounded by family and they made a toast. My mom said it was very nice. I got to see her Friday afternoon and I'm glad I was at least there for my dad. I had already said my goodbyes at the hospital when they gave her Last Rites weeks ago so I just sat next to her. It was so quiet and sad while I was there. It's quiet and sad now.

I'm not good with sorting out my emotions, hence the high caloric intake. I am ingesting my emotions so I don't have to deal with them. There was bar grub and tall drafts, Macaroni Grill and Italian beer, home made comfort food and mudslides, and lots of things off the grill and out of our cooler. There has been a lot of face-stuffing since Wednesday when Santo went on an adventure that Shelby tried to re-enact on Friday.

Both dogs are safe at home, by the way.

And they both got to try Brie cheese, another thing on my emotional menu.

We did manage to have some fun this weekend outside of all the chowing. We had our first movie marathon at Grayskull watching Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, and Inglorious Basterds. We took the dogs for a walk to North Park and around the lake. Then we browsed the Halloween decorations at Pat Catan's. But yesterday was pitiful. I barely moved, unless it was to saute something. I am totally Eeyore today. I want to go back to bed.

I know that the first half of this week is going to be emotionally exhausting and awful. I'm hoping that the rest of the week and long weekend improves things. Thursday I'm going to see the Breeders with Switchblade. I took a personal day on Friday and will be celebrating 20 years of Lords of the Highway that night. And Saturday will be both awesome (tons of bands and loads of friends) and awful (fuck you, lung cancer) at the benefit for Brother Ed.

Sunday and Monday will be pure recovery...from everything.

Sigh, anniversary weekend can't come soon enough.

Friday, August 27, 2010


Shelby ran away while Todd was taking the dogs out this morning.

This week is trying to see just how much I can take.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


My grandma's kidneys have shut down. It should be soon...

I hate this week.

So do what you must. Do all you can.

Yesterday was an emotional nightmare.

I've been sleeping like rotten garbage again so I was already snarling when the alarm went off. Then the typical "Good Morning" text I get from Todd said, "Yuck. Santo ran away". It wasn't even 6:00am and my day was already a clusterfuck.

Everyone knows I'm not a dog person but finding out that your dog (Shelby is Todd's, Santo is MY snugglebug) has been missing overnight is horrible. I couldn't help wondering if he was hurt or scared or hungry or had been stuck in the rain. And I knew Shelby would be an emo wreck, if dog's can be emo wrecks, without him.

It's really  a long story why they weren't at the new house. Not getting into it.

So I had a mini-breakdown. Made a flier, wallpapered social networking with his picture and info, and let me tell you, I have some of the most AWESOME friends. Everyone rallied. Karl even made an internet flier and people reposted it. It was heart warming. But it was also so unreal.

I left work and went to the W. 7th kennel which was like walking into that Sarah McLaughlin commercial. Row after row of doomed dogs, mostly pitbulls. I called Little Jen and bawled on my way to the APL. Once I got there, they told me no one had brought in huskies but two other people had LOST huskies, damn Houdini dogs! From there I went to the county kennel which was a much nicer facility but still had the same 72 hour policy. 72 hours and those poor dogs are going to doggy heaven. I can never go back there. EVER.

The warden at the county kennel must've felt bad for me. I was sniffling and swollen and a mess. She told me not to give up hope. To tell my neighbors and my mailman. But Santo was out there with no tags...he ate through his collar...and we didn't live there anymore so if he found his way back, who would be there? I really hated myself and hated Todd. But I had to keep trying. I couldn't just lay down and die.

Went back to the old house hoping he'd be on the porch all wide-eyed and dopey. No such luck. And Shelby had a look of depression on her face...though she always looks sad due to her dog eyebrows. Stopped in to the Westpark Animal Hospital with my flier and...


A couple brought him in to see if he was a patient but he wasn't. The nurse called the couple who agreed to walk the dog (they had been calling him Whitey) to the end of their street...he made it a decent stretch away from home. When they rounded the corner, she left go of the leash and Santo came bounding into my arms.

I told him her was grounded for life.

After a celebratory drink, Todd and I loaded up the dogs and their cages and headed to Castle Grayskull. They are officially settled in at the new digs. And eventhough Santo is grounded for life, both dogs got new bones. It eased my guilt a little.

But I should have felt great! He was home and safe! But no, a little neighborhood bastard ruined it for me. He waltzed into our backyard without asking to look at the dogs and when he saw that I saw him, he ran. THEN was shouting something about how my dogs need to be put down or turned into hot dogs. THEN he threw a STICK at my dogs!

If he throws another stick, I'll throw it back.

So that's the story. Thanks again to everyone for being so awesome and helpful and concerned. It's really cool to know that there are people you can count on to be in your corner. I still might not be a dog person but I'm a MY DOGS person. And I never want either of them to have a 72 hour countdown. EVER.

I need our Quentin Tarantino marathon more than ever. Sheeesh.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I don't need no earthquake. Don't need no tidal wave.

My whole goal yesterday was to get a team together for the Winking Lizard skeeball league. It's mind blowing how different an idea seems once you've slept on it.

It was suggested that a vitamin deficiency could be part of my problem in the breeding department. Started the pre-natals today. Probably should've started them back in February. Whatever. I'm a procrastinator. Maybe my reproductive system is, too.

"Ah, the female reproductive system. It IS a mystery" - Johnny Switchblade

In a few weeks we'll be celebrating our 1 year wedding anniversary. I feel like this needs to be commemorated. The first year is something special. It's not just smashed in there like, say, the fourth year. So we cooked up a plan that, as of now, looks like this:

Getting a fancy pants hotel room downtown (you know, plush bedding, tasty room service, the most expensive hookers in town), hitting the Bodies exhibit for some grotesque culture and the Chocolate Bar to stuff our faces, followed by hotel room antics! Ooh la la!

Sunday morning after breakfast, we'll meet up with our pals for tailgating. Tailgating on our anniversary, you say?  Nothing says CELEBRATION like a bottle of champagne and the top tier of your wedding cake with friends (and a pack of drunk bastards) in the Muni lot! LOVE IT!

To keep me busy until then, I'm on a mission to create the most perfectly perverse care package to send to Lisa in Korea. Imagine me creepily rubbing my hands together and laughing a sinister Muttly from Wacky Races.

*tee hee hee hee hee hee*

And I think our picks for the Quentin Taratino movie marathon are in place: Pulp Fiction, Inglorious Basterds, Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill Vol. 1, and From Dusk Til Dawn. Stocking the cooler, making chicken-n-dumplings, and kickin' it in my pajamas with my Weasel all weekend. Maybe being a grown up doesn't really suck after all.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Everybody laughs at love but what they want is to be proven wrong.

Celebrating 21st birthdays is a blast...until the next morning.

I hope I contibuted to my nephew's big 2-1 in a positive way. I'm pretty good at putting together birthday presents so I'm thinking it was a success. He got some neat things from Urban Outfitters, plenty of alcohol...

...and a pinata shaped like an olive full of everything a 21 year old needs: shot glasses (with mustaches on them!!), airplane booze, mardi gras beads, 21 dollars, quarter, dimes, nickles, pennies, candy, "send me home, I'm drunk" labels...all good stuff.

And I'm super glad Todd and I were at the bar at midnight for his first legal shot and beer. I made a little toast and told him he was one of my favorite people on the planet, my buddy and I loved him. Then we all did a shot together.

Which is probably what lead to me karaoke-ing "Ballroom Blitz". Ugh.

The weekend overall was rad. Maybe not Friday. I put the last layer on the pinatas and had to lay down. I'll be the first to admit...I shoud've gone to the hospital Thursday night when I clocked my head getting out of the hot tub. Blood is always a bad sign. And a little red smudge in my vision couldn't have been good. Or the constant blinking. All signs that I ignore. So Friday night I had to put my concussed self to bed and call it a wash.

Saturday was 6.5 hours of putting tiny scraps of paper on the end of an eraser, dipping them in glue, and turning a paper mached balloon into an olive. Then we celebrated the hot dog with Becky!! It was so damn good to have her around. Everything feels better when she's there. Came home and hit the pool with a bunch of pals (including Tom and Carol who gave us a bottle of champagne and some rad tiki mugs). Becky was nice enough to chill at home with the sleeping kid so we could be with Matt at midnight. Then we had a super-sized sleepover.

I woke up foggy. Todd barely woke up at all.

For some reason I thought running laps in the pool at 8:00am was a good idea. Not one of my best. I had to pass on Melt and spent the rest of Saturday alternating between Gray's Anatomy and napping. Not bad for a Sunday. Polished it all off with pizza and a movie.

So it was a solid weekend to be followed by a solid week! Karl is finishing my shin on Wednesday, Phee-Bizzle is visiting Grayskull on Thursday, Todd and I are HARDCORE hybernating for some alone time with a Quentin Tarrantino movie marathon this weekend, and Sunday we'll be at the wedding of one of the sweetest most kind-hearted people I know!!

I hope you're having a good time doing whatever you're doing!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

High above the noise and competition.


The following things are all AWESOME SAUCE:

-I'm meeting Carol today for a cocktail.
-I'm meeting Todd in our hot tub after I meet Carol for a cocktail.
-Todd and I have been married 11 months as of today.
-The pinatas are almost done.
-The pinatas are going to be awesome.
-Becky is coming the day after tomorrow.
-Karl is finishing my leg on Wednesday.
-Hopefully talking to Karl about covering up my lower back junk.
-Bouncing Souls are opening for Bad Religion in October.
-We have appointments with Krista @ the October convention.
-Deadbolt is coming again & we probably don't have to go
-Phoebe is coming to Grayskull next week.
-Lords of the Highway's 20th anniversary show is Friday 9/3 & I'm OFF.
-Johnny and I are going to the Breeders together.
-Johnny is coming to our Halloween House Warming.
-We may rent a karaoke machine for the above event.
-I'm going to dress as Lady Gaga.

Life, as I usually say, is GOOD.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

It used to be I'd tell you all my secrets. Giving you the credit you deserve.

My best friend is getting married.

There's going to be a Mrs. Switchblade! Who would've thunk it?  I've never planned a bachelor party but I'm going to, no matter how much he protests. I insist there be one more night of Dr. Pepper shots, awkward dancing, and passing out in a closet somewhere, surrounded by the series regulars.  Man, I could put together one HELL of a "this is your life" slideshow.

I haven't seen Johnny since March but we have a date to see the Breeders.

Oh, and congratulations dude.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I know I won't be leaving here with you.

One of my favorite people on the planet is coming to visit this weekend. I've ranted-n-raved abotu how Becky kept me alive and my head above water for many years. She is without a doubt one of my heroes. I'm under a little black raincloud right now (0 for 6, dammit) so I can't wait to see her smiling face. Her constantly positive and upbeat attitude, even when things are grim, can knock me back into shape. I'm really looking forward to her visit. Not looking forward to a 2 hour wait at Melt but she'll be there to entertain me.

And to celebrating the hot dog. But that's a long story.

Maybe it isn't. Every year my family celebrates the hot dog. The end.

Friday we unpacked the very last box and set up the Man Cave. Everything has a place and everything is in it's place. We're done. We're home. Now we just have to figure out the situation with the dogs and their unstoppable desire to destroy anything and everything in their paths while being 100% obnoxious. But I can't talk about that. It's upsetting and stessful. I can talk about how I need to spend more time in my art room (the "Creation Cave" as Todd calls it). It's too bad ass for words.

Went to Kalahari this weekend for some "adults only" fun. And it WAS fun but it was also exhausting. Regardless of my chronic fatigue, we had a blast with our pals. But after MANY frozen cocktails, lots of good food, and plenty of laughs...all while in my bikini...I was ready for home. I'm a homebody now and that's OK.

So that's life. Wrapped up all nice and neat.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

This is my home. I'm coming home.

My grandma is coming home tomorrow with hospice care. Hospice is a scary word but my grandma probably needs more help than my aunts can give her at this point. Thanks to everyone for crossing your fingers for her. I appreciate your awesomeness.

Out of nowhere last night, I got smacked in the brain by a 100.1 fever (that's hiiiiigh for me) and the chills. I had on pants, long sleeves, socks, multiple blankets...I ached head to toe and was whimpering until I passed out. Woke up this morning, after less than 12 hours of weirdness, feeling tip top!

Replaced my missing license. Kalahari banana mudslide, here I come!

And I will end this by saying that I never want to hear "California Gurls" again. It's a TERRIBLE, brainless song. And as you all know, I'm typically a fan of songs with a good hook. Not this one. I wish it would merge with that Owl City nightmare and just disappear from music history and take the DJs who play them every house on the hour along!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

And it's been a long time which agrees with this watch of mine.

My grandma is in the hospital. They gave her Last Rites yesterday.

Needless to say, I'm not in the best of moods. Seeing my dad look so beat up kills me. It's not a look I've seen before. I'm not good with emotions. It seems like when everyone else is crying, my tears dry up. And when everyone else is fine, I'm sobbing. So I'm sort of in a weird place right now. Weird...that's the only way I can describe it.

When Pete's dad died, I went to the calling hours and BAWLED. I didn't even know the man. It was at the time of my divorce and was like every emotion I've ever bottled up tried to escape through my eye sockets and lungs. My emotions and I are not friends. They are confusing little bastards, even the good ones. Why can't I just be sad when it's sad and happy when it's happy?

Why can't I just deal??

I hate all of this.

Monday, August 09, 2010

Don't let her see a cloudy sky.

Welcome to the world, Olivia Paige Bell!

I'm so excited for Dennis and April and can't wait to meet Olivia! They're going to be rad parents. Same with Bob and Stephanie when their little one shows up. I feel like I'm surrounded by babies and pregnancy these days. Hopefully it will rub off on us. But I do know that getting rubbed doesn't make babies so...  Yesterday Todd was showing some of our friends around the house and I heard him say, "And this is the baby's room." My fingers are crossed for the 6th month in a row.

FINALLY got to swim in our pool. AND got to lounge in our hot tub. I need some sweet Tiger Beat posters to hang above it. Dave Coverdale, Jon Bon Jovi, Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels...maybe a little Samantha Fox and Lita Ford action for Todd. Nothing says HOT TUB like 1980s Tiger Beat poster pull-out stars.

Those rockers were probably too rebellious for Tiger Beat.

I miss my friends. I miss being social. We missed Rock-n-Bowl, Rock-n-Race, Road Rash Bash, and I'm sure plenty of other events. I'm worried people will stop inviting us places. Believe me, I'm sick of missing out. I'm by no means sick of the new house but I AM sick of getting the old house ready for the market. I think Saturday was our last day of cleaning and painting and prepping. I can't go back there again. It breaks my heart a little. My heart and my brain and my body are beat.

Luckily, we're going to Kalahari this weekend for an "adults only" chill out. I think we're worked really hard over the past 6 weeks so I'm going to float along the Lazy River, drink a Banana Mudslide and just turn my brain off. THEN I'm going to pick a day to invite everyone over to see Castle Grayskull. I need to see my pals. I need to socialize!

Today is 8-9-10.  Neat!

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Wake up to your face against the morning sun.

Nesting update...

I would like to quickly gush over our new bedroom. Todd loves it and said he feels like we're tucked away and safe. We have nothing distracting in our room, unlike the circus we slept in at the Corral. Nothing on the walls. Nothing much going on besides a dresser, bookshelf, and royal blue paint on one wall. And I haven't slept better than I have the past 5 nights in years.

The runt's bedroom set was lovingly delivered by Joe and Sharon, who are pretty much our husband and wife. It's even better than I remembered and he's going to flip his wig when he sees it. What 9 year old boy doesn't want a bunkbed? Matching dresser and desk...and the clock and bedding I ordered for him are coming tomorrow! I wish it was my room...if I wasn't already in loving relationship with my room, that is.

And my husband sure does love my guts. He and Joe took apart this "hobby station"...according to the previous the basement and put it in my art room. It's PURRRRFECT. Lots of storage and a large, sturdy work station. I know it was a bit of a chore to make it happen but I'm in love with my art room now. It has me written all over it and I'm ready to get back to painting. Stephanie has a stomach-eating girl in her future!

So the house is AMAZING, life is rad, and I'll have sweet pics tomorrow!

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

No one's gonna tell me what's wrong or what's right!

I am a championship nester!

Not only are we all moved in and not only do I have almost EVERY box unpacked (the ones that said "liquor" and "lingerie" were especially important) but I have a majority of our stuff put away! It was necessary for me to start seeing our stuff again in order for it to start feeling like home.

I'm not going to lie, I had a little separation anxiety about leaving the Corral. But unpacking turned all of that around. This may sound silly but I got excited by everything I unpacked! We have some amazingly ridiculous and cool stuff. I missed that stuff while it was living in boxes. I didn't want to decorate without Todd but I did a few things while he was at work and he loved them. I think I'm kind of good at that stuff.

We ate dinner at the table. I even made a cake.

My mom said I'm going from Betty Paige to Betty Crocker. Love it.

And my parents are rad, just so your know. They helped out so much this weekend, especially by making sure everyone who helped out was fed. We couldn't have made it through without them. We couldn't have gotten this bad ass house without their help. And I'll take this opportunity to thank Joe and Sharon who worked their damn asses off. I've really learned through this whole house buying-moving mumbo jumbo who our real friends are. That's always a good thing to know.

You know what ELSE is good to know? Even though our feet killed and muscles ached and we were busting our asses practically 24 hours a day...we still attempted to make a baby every chance we got! How's that for VA-VOOM??

I hope everyone will come see Castle Grayskull soon. You never need an invitation. Just come ring our ridiculous doorbell. We'd love to see you. I need to start making some memories in this joint and I need all our friends in them.

Life is good.