Tuesday, August 10, 2010

And it's been a long time which agrees with this watch of mine.

My grandma is in the hospital. They gave her Last Rites yesterday.

Needless to say, I'm not in the best of moods. Seeing my dad look so beat up kills me. It's not a look I've seen before. I'm not good with emotions. It seems like when everyone else is crying, my tears dry up. And when everyone else is fine, I'm sobbing. So I'm sort of in a weird place right now. Weird...that's the only way I can describe it.

When Pete's dad died, I went to the calling hours and BAWLED. I didn't even know the man. It was at the time of my divorce and was like every emotion I've ever bottled up tried to escape through my eye sockets and lungs. My emotions and I are not friends. They are confusing little bastards, even the good ones. Why can't I just be sad when it's sad and happy when it's happy?

Why can't I just deal??

I hate all of this.

5 comments:

juste venteux said...

Lacey, wow. You just sadi exactly what I've been feeling. I've got some serious stuff going on right now and I've been going through the same sort of thing. My sister is balling on the phone and I cannot produce one. single. damn. tear. I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma. If you need anything at all, just let me know.

Miss Cleveland 1979 said...

It's so weird, isn't it? I hate emotions! They're so confusing and a little nuts. And thanks...I guess my grandma took a turn for the better last night so we'll see what happens!

The Drunken Gnome said...

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma. I'm the same way. When my Grandma passed I didn't cry and was almost embarassed by it since everyone else was crying. Yet I get teary-eyed at the most rediculous commercials.

Miss Cleveland 1979 said...

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in all of this!!

phoebe marie said...

you are never alone in anything, my dear. not when so many people love you, and love you just as you are. never worry that your emotions are weird or wrong or ill-timed. you truly feel things, and that is more than a lot of people can say.
i'm very sorry about your grandmother. if you need anything, i am always here for you.
<3