Monday, August 27, 2007

The board of education took away my parole!

Back to work and back to school all in one day! Sheeeeeeeeeeesh.

I guess I'll start with vacation...all I ever wanted. I actually sang that song at karaoke one drunken night. It was freeing to a certain degree while also being humiliating and crippling. Regardless. Due to damn Hurricane Dean (which did tug at my Gilmore Girls heart strings, though I had always prefered Jess and even Logan towards the end) we ended up in the filthy Bahamas instead of beautiful Mexico. Balls. But Key dog, I loved it there.

I just realized that I don't want to type anymore right now.

STAY TUNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will edit this when I get home from work/school.

Friday, August 17, 2007

You drive us wild. We'll drive you crazy!

With make-up on, my favorite member of KISS is Ace Frehley. Without make-up on, my favorite member of KISS is Paul Stanley. Wait. I may be lying. My favorite member with mae-up on MIGHT be Peter Criss. Wow. Who knew what a hard decision this would be? Who knew I would ever have to make such a decision in my life-time? Which member of KISS do I like best with make-up on? My head hurts. I'm abandoning this topic, STAT!

As of 4:00p today, I am officially on VACATION! Pretty much every itty bitty second is planned out between now and when I board that airplane for the soutern most point of the USA. Tonight I have dinner and a movie plans with Johnny that have been brewing for about 3 months now. We're hitting Applebee's and then going to see SUPERBAD! I'm bringing an extra pair of panties since I know...and Johnny guarantees...this will be a laugh riot.

Then tomorrow I have to clean, clean, clean because I don't want to come back frmo vacation to filth. That will be too much of a reminder that my vacation is over and my real life is back in action. And of course I have super, sexy Saturday evening plans but they're a little hush hush.

And Sunday...holy dog shit. That's loose ends day. Finish cleaning. Finish packing. Finish grooming (waxing, shaving, painting them damn toenails). Finish watching everything on the DVR. And TRY and get a good night sleep before our 8:30a flight to MIAMI, BABY! I'm not wearing anything but a bikini for 5 days, I'll tell you what.

Miami ---> Florida Keys ---> Cozumel, Mexico ---> Miami. That's where I'll be in case you never hear from me again. Either Hurricane Dean got me or the electric monkey did. If you'd like to know if it was nice to know you, I'll tell you now that it was! But seriously folks, I have Bonine, a life jacket, 2 bikinis, my boyfriend and a bar tab. I don't think I could be any safer or better prepared!

And when I return, I gotta go back...back...back to school again! It's bye-bye fun, get your homework done.You better be in by ten! I gotta go back...back...back to school again. Whoa, whoa, I gotta go...back to school...again!

Sorry for the musical interlude. I'm actually really excited. Especially about buying new school supplies. I love fresh paper and notebooks and pens. And I also love that unlike at work, I can wear my pajamas to school every day if I so feel like it. And I don't think I'm going to share the classroom with many young recent high school graduate scumbags in my Anatomy and Physiology for Diagnostic Medical Sonograly lecture and lab. God, the prospect of note-taking and quizzes is making me feel frisky. Straight As...I promise you that much. I try not to make promises I can't keep. THAT makes ME feel like a scumbag.

And also...R.I.P. Karma. You can chew my shoes in dog heaven!

Friday, August 10, 2007

I've made a lot of stops all over the world.

In ten days, I'm blowing this pop stand, and no, that's not some new twisted fetish. It's a fact. In ten sweet, luscious, delicious days, I'm going on vay-cay and it couldn't come at a better time. Some people out there, even my family, has made comments about how many places I've gone this year and how much travelling I've done. How is it possible when I'm so poor and scrappy? Well, I squirrel my nuts away when I want/need something. I haven't been good about nut-hording in the past but the thought of umbrealla drinks and crystal blue waters to swim in? It was worth cutting some corners.

There's a big boat with my name on it. Well, maybe not MY name...

Last night, I did my favorite thing ever. I bought all my travel shtuff. Shampoo, conditioner, lotion, tooth paste, toothbrush, body warsh, loofa, Q-tips, THE WORKS! I bought a new fancy pair of dinner shoes and some super heavy duty sunscreen. I bought a red polka dotted shirt because nothing scream CRUISE like polka dots! I'm starting to get so antsy, couting down the days like 10 is sooooo many. Far away like Christmas. But on the flip side, I'm thinking 10 DAYS IS NOT ENOUGH! I need to clean my digs! I need to do boatloads (har-har-har) of laundry! I need to find my faovrite bikini! Why is vacation preparation so stressful!?!? WHY CAN'T I STOP SINGING THE GO-GOS???

In all actuality, my vacation starts in less than 8 days. The second I clock out of this joint next Friday, my brain and body are official in relaxation mode. Technically, I won't be able to relax until we've made it to the airport on time and then until we've made it on the boat before departure. We (Bill and I) are travelling with someone whose name just happens to be the name of a kown terrorist or fellon or something. I suspect rubber gloves and some action at the airport! My plan, honestly, is to have some fun with my fella and our friends (Sharon and Dave) and NOT talk about work and NOT worry about work. I want yummy food and umbrella cocktails and I want to dance my pants off and to swim until I resemble a prune! I've been planning this for almost 90 days now. My summer fun is due!

T-n-C DYNOMITE are being cool enough to take care of my babies, who I will miss painfully. But I got them a new recliner to cover in hair and some obnoxious new toys...the cats, not the they're loving mama lately. This has actually been a really phat summer and this is a good way to wrap things up. I don't even mind that it's been raining daily in Miami, Key West, and Cozumel. As long as I'm not the manager of delivery service for a week, a little hot sumemr rain is worth it!

Banana pancakes and daquiris, HERE WE COME!

Friday, August 03, 2007

Now we grieve 'cause now it's gone.

This is number 300. Bow down and kiss it's slender feet.

I had a dream last night that I met Hugh Hefner's girlfriends, something I've wanted to do. I hugged Kendra who would not be my first choice to hugh (Bridgette...swoon) and it was a very cold hug. They were all very cold and I was incredibly disappointed. We were at some department store where they were promoting handbags and not a lot of people were there. I scrounged around looking for even one Playboy bag that I would carry but they were all duds...and I was literally crawling on the floor. The store was really disorganized in my dream. Maybe it represents my house these days. Regadless...

I was then with a friend and we heard the girls talking about ditching this place so they could go drink Candy Shops, which are fancy drinks from Dave & Buster's. I ran over and gave them directions but they didn't seem very receptive. I hope they got lost. I was then headed for the escalator which was stuffed between two walls like it should have been a stairway (again, possibly my digs), and Kendra was there handing out orange wristbands. She looked like a perfume girl. On the escalator, I passed a very angry looking Hef and I told him his girlfriends were miserable bitches (which I hope to God isn't true).

Then I woke up. Depressed.

I'm a little blue these days. I guess that's why I was asleep on my couch by 9:00p. Then I was up all night with a sick son who was throwing up on anything that would stand still, including my feet. So it's the middle of the night and I'm washing cat toss off my paws. I didn't cry no matter how much I wanted to because I was still half asleep...too incoherant to cry. But I'm not throwing a pity party or anything. I'm laying low until I decide what kind of change I need to make to adjust my attitude. It needs to be wrenched on.

Viva la weekend.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Chewin' on glass and a ticket stub.

Summer is almost over if you can believe that, which I can't because that means time is flying and when time flies, I get older. How's that for a run-on sentence? In seventh grade, I wrote a run-on sentence for English class that had over 1,000 words. I read it in front of the class and was the run-on sentence champion. Boy was I proud! I only remember that it had a lot to do with a limo and a girl names Lisa that I latched on to for a very short time. I hear she got pretty skanky after grade school. Too bad, especially with our Catholic upbringing and all.

I have a pretty nasty sunburn from the race in Indianapolis. Much like any other race, Bill drank too much and acted like an ass-hat. Is it sad that I'm getting used to that? Regardless, The Brickyard was my favorite track so far, our seats were perfecto, and Tony Stewart won the damn thing (and got fined $25,000 for swearing on television...Lincoln Electric represent!). It was a pretty ideal race despite my boyfriend's ass-hatness and the burning hot heat that sucked every ounce of alcohol out of my pores. Pity.

But the race wasn't even the best part of the weekend. It was everything we did on the ride home which may seem goofy to YOU, but I had my best friend and my fella and we were pretty happy. We had a Bob Evans breakfast (raspberry crepes, yum), a DQ adventure, fun at the Goasis (I pooped there. I had my own sink and the bathroom had a couch. In between the men's and women's bathroom, Johnny heard people getting in on in the family can...I don't think that's what it was designed for), Ohio Cheddar at Grandpa's Cheese Barn (!!!), The Simpson's movie and finally, and best of all, I might say, SLEEP! It was hard to come back to work. It was actually a disaster to come back to work. Booooo.

Our cruise is 18 days away and school starts right after. I had this long countdown list of things I was looking forward to doing this summer. With summer being almost over, my social calendar is deflating. I need to find things to pump it back up. Besides the cruise and school, I'll be going to Chicago with the Shoe-Lanes this fall. I want to schedule a trip to Niagara Falls, fo' sho. I bet there will be at least one more race, even if I swore that one was my last one...I can't get away from the burning rubber...we saw a car on FIRE! I need to head south (so dirty) to visit Lisa (even dirtier). I'm sure there will be Pussyfoot shows galore. And speaking of...

Check this out! You only get a little glimpse of us doing The Pop-Up Song with our umbrellas, a little of Jen's leg, a wink from Karen, and Carol's rear-view. But STILL! Here we are: