Wednesday, June 28, 2006

No one can stop us. Nothing is in the way

The knife dance is done and hot! Hot like a lobster that's been boiling in a pot and screaming it's little, red, beaked head off in that horrific screeching manner. And not only did neither of the O'Shannahan sister lose an eye or a digit or any skin at all, we didn't even DROP the knives! NOT ONCE! I did slice part of my table open but that was better than making Jen bleed, you know? And wood doesn't whine so much when you impale it.

Tomorrow night, I am going to bare witness to two more points on the 5-pointed Star of Easy Listening: Huey Lewis & the News and Chicago! How excited am I??? Why, I am more excited than a starving woman who's being served a lobster that's been boiling in a pot and screaming it's little, red, beaked head off in that horrific screeching manner. And that lobster is covered in butter and served with an icy cold frosty beverage. And bread! Because who doesn't like bread with their dinner? Communists, that's who. Regardless...

Tessa is my date for the evening and I'm pretty jazzed about that. We're both geeky easy listening fans and I can pretty much guarantee we'll be the hottest chicks on the farm. There's no one I'd rather share this evening with because she will sing and she will get excited and she will be excited FOR ME when I get excited and she probably won't even get embarrassed if I wet my pants or cry. She's cool like that. It was worth the money to celebrate her birthday this way and it will go down in history as one of the moments where I was blissful. I feel like I should bring some dried mangos. I'll get right on that!

Heart of Rock-n-Roll
If This Is It
Power of Love
Stuck With You
Workin' For a Livin'
Heart and Soul
Doin' It All For My Baby
I Want a New Drug

Ideal CHICAGO set list:
Hard To Say I'm Sorry
Stay the Night
Along Comes a Woman
Look Away
Will You Still Love Me?
Hard Habit To Break
Love Me Tomorrow
If You Leave Me Now
What Kind of Man I Be?

P.S. Little Jenny Penny will be the occupant of the blue cowboy room at the Ol' Kentucky Shark Corral. She's not paying as much as Phoebe did but I know I can live with her, I'll take what money I can get, she'll CLEAN, she'll be good to the cats, she'll take care of me when I'm sick, and her boyfriend rocks. So for the time being, things are gravy. Belt is still going to be tight but there's gravy involved now.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Opened her mouth with a razor blade.

Things are getting dicey at Camp PFG! Slash!

Little Jen and I are doing a dance to "One Sharp Knife" at the July 8th Leroy Thompson Choppers show. If she doesn't slice my face open (the blade...yes, we're using REAL knives...really BIG knives...really SHARP knives...comes deadly close to my face from time to time when my dear little sister's head goes into the clouds), it will be incredible. We're preparing special bloody aprons (my cats are helping make modifications) for a costume change. We're going all out. Life is good in the Pussyfoot hood!

You should come out and watch us strut!
Saturday July 8th @ Leroy Thompson Choppers w/1988, Slack Jawed Yokels, Legendary Hucklebucks, Lords of the Highway, Sasquatch and the Sick-a-Billys (Pete Yorko's triumphant return to his home-sweet-home). Gates at 4:00. Bands at 4:30. $10.

Saturday July 22nd @ Dragway 42 in West Salem w/ Ace Brown and His Hell Divers, Lords of the Highway, and Twistin Tarantuals. This is an all day fun affiar at a quarter mile dragstrip. Swap meets, vendors, street and slick tire drag racing (with prizes!!) and a car show. ALL DAY! Racing at 3:00. Bands at 6:00. $10.

Saturday July 29th @ Beachland Tavern w/ Bob's Country Bunker and the Capgun Cowboys reunion!! Always a rockin' good time at the Beachland. 9:00. $5.

Other notes of interested? My fella met my parents, I bought 2 new Hot Wheels, we bought our first joint thing (Yahtzee), I think I'm getting a cold, I rested most of the weekend, picked Ben and Lisa up from the airport and had a lovely lunch, my broken back and I vegged with some Vicodin, went to a family function, had a great practice with my bitches, more vegging, and TODAY...I recieved my Huey Lewis/Chicago AND Heavy Rebel tickets! I need to finsih my laundry and get to packin'! Time is a-wastin'. I'm blowing this pop stand at 5am on Friday! WEEEEEEEEE!

Look out Winston-Salem!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

You'll know why my heart does nothing but burn.

Some of my skin just flaked off of my chest like it would from a snake. If I had a microscope, I'd like to take a good look at it. I'd have to make sure I had a trash can close by to heave into because that's just flipping sick. I ain't no mad scientist, baby. I'm just a fair-skinned Irish girl with a sunburn. Screw you, sun. You ain't no friend of mine. Ain't, ain't, ain't.

I've been crying a lot for the past 24 hours. My face is pretty puffy-n-swollen and It's obvious to everyone in the office that I haven't slept. I used to think I looked the most beautiful after I cried because my eyes got really red which made them appear very green. And I always get the Angelina Jolie lip thing going on. Today I just look strung out which is bringing me additional pain.

There is a little. black, rain cloud hovering over my head taunting me like a relentless bitch. I'd like to shoot it with a spear or a lawn jart. I predict that I would then be soaked and I hate being in wet clothes. Bottom line...the VERY bottom, the gutter if you that I am depressed.

I feel like my whole life is going to change due to my living situation alterations. I know Phoebe has to move on with her life. Hell, if I wasn't a home owner and officially HAD a boyfriend rather than a playmate, and he asked me to move in, you'd see a Road Runner-esque cloud of smoke behind me as I packed my bags. I guess I'm disappointed because we had VERY recently, like last week, discussed the possibility of her moving out and that was just unthinkable any time soon. And yet, her change of address was submitted at work yesterday. And it's also upsetting because I think this will hurt the friendship. She's not my's not like that. But we live together (supposedly) and I never hang out with her. My psychic powers are telling me that I will see her even LESS when her shit is occupying my domain.'s upsetting, as you can imagine.

And of course, the fat needs to be trimmed from this steak in order to make it healthy for me. So I have to get rid of Netflix which is TERRIBLY upsetting since it brings me nothing but joy. I might try to decrease my number of disks and see if I can hack it. Trying to get out of my gym contract. Not betting on NASCAR at work anymore. Trying to find homes for the Ol' Kentucky Cats which pretty much makes me want to slash my throat with a rusty hacksaw. And most recently, the wheels in my head have been suggesting that it's time for me to retire my dancin' shoes and say good-bye to the Pussyfoot Girls. When will I have time to devote to them if I'm planning on getting a second job AND going back to school?

Oh yeah...I'm going back to school to get an additional Associate's degree.

I'm sad and I feel very lonely. It's hard to be lonely when you're in love because you start asking yourself, "Should I really be feeling this way when there's a person I'm crrrrrraaaaazzzzzyyyyy about in my life?". It's not good to start asking yourself these questions. And I shouldn't even HAVE shit like this on my mind. My fella should be the easy and squishy and reliable part of it all. Not another thing to worry about. Not something else to appease. But I can't let him go. He owns my heart.

Life is a rotten apple right now.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

And I can tell you're going through the motions.

According to Tommy Bones, many people say that red is a sexy and exciting color. While he may tend to agree, I tend to want to spew blood all over the color red. But that doesn't make a whole boatload of sense now does it? I am being a Bitchy McBitch because I am sunburned from the jugs up, including my ears, and there's also a lovely section of my calves that are of a bright crimson persuasion since I had my pants cuffed. It's rather embarrasing, insanely painful, and for whatever reason is making me want to lose my lunch...and I haven't had lunch yet. Pity me. I beg you. And bring on the ALOE!

I am rockin' a hillbilly tan which makes sense since I spent a great deal of my weekend playing the part. I might as well have been flipping toothless with a pet pig! I drank Busch Light, I cooked on a grill, I slept in a tent, had a cloud of dirt trailing me at all times, and watched cars go round-n-round-n-round, cheering with all the other rednecks. And let's not forget that I flipped up a random chick's skirt, got hit in the ass with beads from a man who wanted me to "show us your tits"...which I did NOT...and I hula hooped for strangers. There were lots of high fives. It was an experience I'll never forget and would possibly repeat if I lathered up properly.

I was the only person rockin' a Jamie McMurray shirt. He'll be my next hubby fo' sho.

So I return home from my trip and learn that I won't have a roomie for too much longer. I'm on the hunt for someone to occupy some space at my house. Here...word for how I babbled about it on My Space, just incase you live in a cave or have your head up the head of a moose and missed it.

So it looks like I may be losing my roomie. The situation surrounding the move makes sense. I'm not mad...disappointed. Sort of going to be in a bind. So the room mate search is on. I'm looking for someone close to me (relationship wise) to move in. Not that I might not end up having to go with a stranger or what not but that's really not what I'm hoping for. I love my house and my belongings. I would love to love my roomie, too. So here are the details:

You've probably all been to my house but still...I live in West Park in a NICE neighborhood close to 480, 71, and 90. It's a 2 bedroom house (the room for rent isn't huge but it does have an enclosed sunporch which rocks. 1 bath and it's a nice bath. Semi-finished dormer attic, garage, and a nice, dry, clean cellar for storage, plus a kick-ass basement that's you've probably all partied in. Fenced in backyard, long driveway, washer and dryer. And then, of course, there's the good ol' living room, dining room, eat-in kitchen (with a dishwasher), and front porch perfect for drinking beer on.

The rent is $350 a month and that includes utilities. Might sound steep but it's an entire house you'd have the run of, not a teeny weenie apartment. I don't expect you to sit in your room and never come out. I mean COME ON. No utilities! I have cable and that applies to the computer, yadda yadda.

I rarely sleep there anymore. In fact, I haven't slept there in 3 weeks! I do have 3 cats, so if you're allergic, it might not be the best situation for you. I'm pretty easy to live with when I'm there. The house needs some spring cleaning but it's a nice, clean place to live for the most part (and I have a dishwasher!!!). I don't expect much besides the rent to be paid on time and help keeping the joint clean...taking out garbage if you're there and it's not out, starting and emptying the dishwasher if it needs it, feeding my kids if their bowls are empty. Blah blah blah.

So there you have it. Any questions...just ask.

Wish me luck. Living in a house alone could prove tuff. My ulcer hurts.

Friday, June 16, 2006

It's a grade-A meal when I'm in the moooood.

I am easy to please. Many of you out there may think I'm a difficult and picky person but really, I am pretty damn easy to please! Redundant, I know! For example, tonight I am going to my FAVORITE pizza place (Antonio's of Parma, OH fame) with Switch for dinner and you'd think I won the lottery the way I'm dancing around this place with smiley-faced glee. I'm going to happily eat Stromboli until it comes out of my eyeballs! Though I may have just killed my appetite with that visual.

And tomorrow is race day. We've been counting it down for months and months and it's finally here (with Heavy Rebel trailing close behind)! I was stressed beyond belief yesterday trying to widdle down my "To Do" list to the point where I was unpleasant to be around, I'm sure. But my guy was a good, soft shoulder to lean on. He let me be crabby (as long as he was reasurred that I wasn't mad at him) and was accomodating me with shoulder rubs and silly things to make me laugh. I was informed that making me laugh was something he just has to do!

I was practically having a FIT trying to pick out a steak for him for the race. It just HAD to be perfect. It's like the steak will make or break the whole weekend...and that's just in my head. I want him to have something nice. He deserves it. And in my head, what he needs is a nice steak. And what a steak it is! I would like to make sweet love to it in all it's thick, red, juicy, steaky glory. Oh steak, how I love you so but will happily eat the Hell out of you like a wolverine ripping through a deer!

Revised version of my pre-race "To Do" list:
-Work 5.5 hours more of an 8 hour day without Bill or
-Pick up camera and free film from my mommy's house.
-Finish my laundry.
-Pussyfoot practice (3 BIG shows next month).
-Empty trunk.
-Shower again and paint toenails.
-Go to dinner with Switchblade.
-Hit a bar to celebrate Eerie Tessa's 27th birthday.
-Head to Garfield and CRASH...can't sleep without him.
-Greet 5am with a smile!
-AND THEY'RE OFF - Michigan International Speedway, here we come!

I better get back to work. I really have nothing to do which is going to make this the longest and most drawn out day in the history of time. Plus, it's so quiet here. It's just a titch eerie here in the office and I suspect a ghost is looming in my cubicle. But I'm not going to worry about that now. I'm just going to worry about being the coolest chick (and possible the ONLY chick...unless they're thinking with their vaginas like me rather than putting forth any true knowledge of NASCAR) on Team McMurray.

I hope my car makes it. Oh Betty Blue!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Oh I will be alright. Just use me. Just use me.

I H8 giving people their time frames. It's murdering me.

Who got the new AFI album last night? Like you even had to ask. It's growing on me like a creepy, fuzzy, black fungus that might ACTUALLY be a huge spider. But their last album took a while to burrow into my heart of chrome and now it's an important part of my vagina! All I can say is that they had me "Afflcition". Specifically because it includes the word ennui. I love ennui.

By the way, my head is going to fall off and roll, roll, roll like the wheels on a big rig.

Phoebe called off work today at, what seems to me, the very last second. I was not informed by anyone of said call off until, what seems to me, the second last very last second. There were things that had to be done this morning, bright-n-early, to get the wheels of our delivery machine shakin'. So from the second I walked in the door, it's been chaos. Usually I like a little chaos but not until I've had some Pepsi or a blueberry muffin. This day has been bitch slappin' me in the face left-n-right. I am NOT approachable today. I would seriously steer clear if I were you.

So besides an putrid, rotten, stinking corpse of a day at work, I have at least 27 things to do by tomorrow night in preparation for my NASCAR adventure. Somehow I don't think folding two shirts, washing my jeans, and packing my travel items is gonna cut it for an entire weekend's worth of "fun".

I still have to do the following before 5:00a Saturday:
-Go grocery shopping w/Sharon to feed myself and the fella for the weekend.
-Go to the butcher shop for steaks (our big weekend meal treat).
-Finish my laundry.
-Eat dinner.
-Pussyfoot practice (3 BIG shows next month).
-Pack clothes and junk for work tomorrow.
-Take sleeping bag, pillows, and lawn chairs to Sharon's house.
-Go to the fellas and CRASH...can't sleep without him.
-Work an 8 hour day without Bill OR
-Vacuum car and empty trunk.
-Shower again and paint toenails.
-Go to dinner with Switchblade.
-Hit a bar to celebrate Eerie Tessa's 27th birthday.
-Drop Switchblade off and head to Garfield.
-CRASH...can't sleep without him.
-Try with all my might to wake my guy.
-AND THEY'RE OFF - Michigan International Speedway, here we come!

Think I can get it all done without forgetting anything? It's been very stressful just getting everyone on the same page about who's buying what, who's eating what, when are we leaving, what do we still need? It's been riling me up and sort of putting me off about the whole thing. But my fella is excited. He knows we're going to have a good time. He NEEDS this trip away and I am going to make DAMN SURE I have a happy face on all weekend so he can destress. A happy Bill makes a happy Lacey. So this trip is important for both of us. AND it's our first weekend trip together. So who's got too thumbs and is totally gay?!?! THIS GUY!

I'll be back on Buckeye State ground Monday afternnon. Take care of Ohio for me.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Taking on the world, that was just my style.

3 days to the race and 17 to HRW. I could puke any second.

There's really nothing more fulfilling than doing laundry! Once again I have options and am not recycling the same 2 gray t-shirts. Now I have MANY gray t-shirts to pick from. And knickers! Tons and tons of knickers! I could swim through them as if they were the Pantaloon Sea! Yes ladies and germs, I am happy to have clean clothes. I could only be happier if the folding fairy would stop by. Le sigh. Le sigh.

I had to kick myself in the arse to warsh clothes so I had more than just the uniform tube tops and Daisy Dukes to wear to Michigan this weekend. I may be going to watch me some Nascar but that doesn't mean I have to go braless and black out some teeth. Though I may try to find an obnoxious neon scrunchie so I can fit in at least a little. But in the end, I have my 2 custome made (and kick-ass) Jamie McMurray shirts and brand new pajama shorts with little race cars on them so if I'm not just the most adorable thing you've ever seen well...too bad for you, Ray Charles.

Second to my lusty laundry obsession, of course, is my insanity over travel items! Who knew so many things came travel sized!? I went hog wild on my lunch hour. Toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, face wash, face scrub, a tiny loooofa, body wash, Q-tips, shaving cream, razors, deoderant...all fitting into a teeeny, tiny, adorable pink case!! Loving it. Just loving it! I was sort of down-n-out about the race recently but a nice e-mail from my Dad and my lunchtime race preparation has sort of made me giddy. Here I come, Michigan International Speedway. Bow down and worship in front of my tent!

Today is the 13th day of June. I have spend 11 nights in someone else's bed, 10 of them in a row. I'm hoping to make tonight 13/11. I better go shave my legs. Maybe I'll shave my cats, too. They're looking a little warm these days!


Friday, June 09, 2006

I've got friends on the inside pullin' strings.

Put down your prunes. I'm bringing back your regularity.

I am never at home anymore. I'm pretty sure my cats hate me and are planning a mutiny. I spent a few hours here on my couch yesterday and actually felt semi-awkward, like I was in a stranger's house. I actually elected to come back here and spend some time bonding with my house. I'm going to make lunch, do laundry, and clean my car out for this weekend's race and the big Heavy Rebel road trip. I can't even believe it's less than 3 weeks away. I'm wetting my drawers in anticipation. So that's my plan...spend some time at the old homestead accomplishing whatever I can before I no doubt return to my home away from home in good, ol' Garfield.

There's really not too much to report. I've been working, drinking, hanging with my fella, hanging with my fella and his kids. There hasn't been any fire breathing or drag races. Finally had a Pussyfoot practice and are getting the ball rollin' for the Leroy Thompson show next month. Had some mini-spats here and there with various peeps, including my dude who's been hittin' the sauce a little too hard these days and not stepping up to the plate. But I think we have that under control...I have two stuffed kittens that are pretty much symbolic of "I'm a big, fat jerk and I need you to forgive me". But of course there's always drama with this guy...his ex-wife is trying to stir up trouble, his ex-girlfriend knows about me and is getting rowdy. Can't a girl just find a dude to take her to the movies without loosing her mind??

I just have to keep my mind focused on my upcoming adventures. A whole weekend with my dude...sure, it's at a race but it's going to be a good time. We may even leave the track early Sunday and spend the night in a hotel! How excited does that make me? Fiesty excited! And then HEAVY REBEL! Jen May is making me a new skirt and I'm prepping the car as soon as I walk away from this electronic contraption. The summer is looking bright ahead. Only downside...I had lots of blood drawn and that is NEVER EVER fun. And I've been having some bretahing problems. And my car is being homosexual when it's cold. Regardless...June rocks.

Sorry thsi wasn't more interesting. Just trying to keep track of where I've been and what I've done. I'm going to try and NOT remember that I threw up in the Panera parking lot yesterday. That doesn't need to stay in the scrap book.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

The system's got me feelin' so fiiiiiiine!

I have someone who inspires me to paint. Be jealous!

I got a big pile of bad news on Friday and I mean Bad News Bears, Tanner Boyle-style. It made for a horrific work day, not to mention a very emotional me which is never pretty. I hate being emo! It really doesn't work for me anymore. I have only filled a few people in with the gorey details and they've been very, very supportive. But I have a lot on my plate right now and I'm going to be moody from time to time and if I were to blab the whole story, you'd know why. You'd understand. And no, there are no buns in this oven so the rumor mill can stop running right now. There were lots of tears on Friday and I needed lots of comforting...and alcohol. But of course, alcohol mixed with my emotions made me hot in the brain and my anger turned to fury and wrath and I misdirected the man I love.

No, scratch that. I directed it in JUST the right spot but it could have been handled differently. I need to just say flat out how I feel and what I need rather than keeping everything bottled up and then popping my top. No one likes to be covered in my brains and splatter. But after several beers, two bottles of wine, and yes, more beer, I was no longer wrangling my emotions. They were roaming free and it made for a bad night's sleep.

During a morning "Are you alright, you damn spazz?" kind of phone call, things were still rocky between me and my fella. After all, I left a sobbing 2:00am message for him because I needed him to be there for me and felt abandoned. That's not how it was but like I said, I'm sensitive right now. I have self-pity goggles on. I chose to take the high road after a few hours of channel surfing and sleeping though. I swallowed my nerves and called, being sure to wear my happy voice. Told him I felt better (even if it's not totally true) and asked if we could hang out. I got the entire Saturday! We ended up going grocery shopping, he cooked me dinner on the grill, we watched a movie, and crash all tangled up like snakes. I needed to sleep like that. I needed to be incubated and drafted.

Woke up to a yummy fella-prepared breakfast and left on a high note...good hugs, good kisses, good moods. This left the day open to spend with my favorite people, The Shoe-Lanes! Ain't no party like a Shoe-Lane party! Had some cocktails with lunch and then saw X-Men 3 (I love you,, love, love) which was damn good! Just got home and can honestly say this was a very fulfilling Sunday. I haven't had one of these since the days of Becky and Kent (screw you, Kent...I don't miss your hippie town one bit). In fact, I'm going to call Becky when I'm done typing away. That would be more productive then watching pornography, I think.

I'd say life is good but I'm in a low place. I'm trying to balance this rough patch with how happy certain things and people can make me (I actually LIKE being called "Lace", makes my heart-go-throb). I just need to appreciate the good things like a home-made goofy dessert, getting my head rubbed, holding hands, and lots of belly laughs. Laughter is a good medicine, I think. Someone should tell Bon Jovi.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Wasting my time. Hoping you'll stop by.

Last night was one of the best nights of my life and it wasn't even fancy. In fact, I didn't even have to leave the bed. Sometimes taking a 20 minute drive at night just to watch cartoons in your pajamas and 'draft' someone is the most amazing thing on the flipping planet.

It's even better than cheese fondue.

I fell in love and
I needed a roadmap
To find out where you lived
So excited now

Sleepwalking, cuz I'm sleepwalking

The white trash boys
Listen to the headphones
Blasting white noise
In the convenience store parking lot

I hung around there
Wasting my time
Hoping you'll stop by

Cuz I'm sleepwalking, I'm sleepwalking

A mutual friend's parents
Left town for a week
So we raided their liquor stash
And walked down by the riverside

Sleepwalking, cuz I'm sleepwalking