Sunday, June 04, 2006

The system's got me feelin' so fiiiiiiine!

I have someone who inspires me to paint. Be jealous!

I got a big pile of bad news on Friday and I mean Bad News Bears, Tanner Boyle-style. It made for a horrific work day, not to mention a very emotional me which is never pretty. I hate being emo! It really doesn't work for me anymore. I have only filled a few people in with the gorey details and they've been very, very supportive. But I have a lot on my plate right now and I'm going to be moody from time to time and if I were to blab the whole story, you'd know why. You'd understand. And no, there are no buns in this oven so the rumor mill can stop running right now. There were lots of tears on Friday and I needed lots of comforting...and alcohol. But of course, alcohol mixed with my emotions made me hot in the brain and my anger turned to fury and wrath and I misdirected it...at the man I love.

No, scratch that. I directed it in JUST the right spot but it could have been handled differently. I need to just say flat out how I feel and what I need rather than keeping everything bottled up and then popping my top. No one likes to be covered in my brains and splatter. But after several beers, two bottles of wine, and yes, more beer, I was no longer wrangling my emotions. They were roaming free and it made for a bad night's sleep.

During a morning "Are you alright, you damn spazz?" kind of phone call, things were still rocky between me and my fella. After all, I left a sobbing 2:00am message for him because I needed him to be there for me and felt abandoned. That's not how it was but like I said, I'm sensitive right now. I have self-pity goggles on. I chose to take the high road after a few hours of channel surfing and sleeping though. I swallowed my nerves and called, being sure to wear my happy voice. Told him I felt better (even if it's not totally true) and asked if we could hang out. I got the entire Saturday! We ended up going grocery shopping, he cooked me dinner on the grill, we watched a movie, and crash all tangled up like snakes. I needed to sleep like that. I needed to be incubated and drafted.

Woke up to a yummy fella-prepared breakfast and left on a high note...good hugs, good kisses, good moods. This left the day open to spend with my favorite people, The Shoe-Lanes! Ain't no party like a Shoe-Lane party! Had some cocktails with lunch and then saw X-Men 3 (I love you, Logan...love, love, love) which was damn good! Just got home and can honestly say this was a very fulfilling Sunday. I haven't had one of these since the days of Becky and Kent (screw you, Kent...I don't miss your hippie town one bit). In fact, I'm going to call Becky when I'm done typing away. That would be more productive then watching pornography, I think.

I'd say life is good but I'm in a low place. I'm trying to balance this rough patch with how happy certain things and people can make me (I actually LIKE being called "Lace", makes my heart-go-throb). I just need to appreciate the good things like a home-made goofy dessert, getting my head rubbed, holding hands, and lots of belly laughs. Laughter is a good medicine, I think. Someone should tell Bon Jovi.

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