Sunday, July 31, 2005

I ain't draggin' her. You drag her!

***EDIT: WILL, in fact, be host to the PICTURE (or pictures) OF THE DAY. I'm scrapping the song lyric thing because while I'm into it NOW, I know I'll get tired of it again eventually. I never get tired of goofy pictures of me and my friends. Just please don't masturbate to them.***

So the 30th celebration of Phoebe's birth has come to an end after last night's festivities. Some key guests were absent due to a run away dog (who refuses to put a brand-new dog on a leash?), a supposed birth, a seizing cat (get well soon, Ponch), and alleged family loyalty and accumulating chores. Regardless, it was a good time, even if Potsie only got through 8 minutes of the Hour of Power. The birthday girl seemed quite pleased with the turn out and I was quite pleased that I got to dance with her to that Deke Dickerson song about roasted chicken! Pete, while absent and on a camping trip, was there via video tape, drinking beer, hanging on the coach, and commenting on various party aspects. Clever boy, that Pete.

And we all got our share of the Pussyfoot buttons...and they are H-O-T!!!

While my plan was to drink myself into a coma, spend the night at Casa del Phoebe, and wake up with a monster hangover, that is not what actually took place. I seemed to be on my way, rockin' the 40s, but I hit a detour somewhere. Starting but not finishing Hour of Power set my downward spiral in motion, then I ate 3 pieces of pizza which soaked up a lot of my hard work, and lots of the core kids didn't seem to be drinking their usual quota. Switchblade hasn't been the same since he threw up on his futon, Uncle Ben seemed fairly out of sorts, Tessa doesn't drink, and Little Jen was tired and bailed early.

Tessa had my 2 wedding photos in her wallet. I wanted to cry. I told her to burn them.

Penciled in on my schedule for today is a final event to celebrate Phoebe's 30 years rockin' on this planet: lunch wherever she wants to go! However, I can't be sure if she'll have the desire to go to lunch or the stamina. She could have done 10 table dances, 2 keg stands, and her weight in beer bongs after I left at midnight, for all I know. So I guess I'll hold my growling stomach tight until noon and if I don't hear from her...frown...I'll be forced to make a trip to the grocery store in order to feed the beast. The alternative plan for the day includes cleaning my room, watching a towering pile of borrowed DVDs, and snoozing on and off as I see fit.

So combining last night with Little Jen's interesting 19th birthday shin-dig Friday night, I'd say this was a decent weekend. And I'm supposed to spend the night in the mitten tomorrow night but I'll believe THAT when I see it. Sadly, the week already has a black cloud hanging over it as I will be travelling to Columbus to say good-bye to Josh Johnson and support my Queen B. Keep her and her family in your thoughts, especially on what will be a very rough Tuesday.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Some money & a honey & some whiskey & a gun.

All my thoughts are with Queen B today and yours should be too.

I was having a horrific nightmare about putting the stamp on someone...yeah, you know who...and it was one of those dreams that was so overly upsetting, I could feel the hair standing up on the back of my neck. And then I heard 'Footloose', which just didn't seem to fit the mood. Somehow Queen B knew just when to call and she freed me from my bad dreams...but she had bad news.

Her step-father, who has really been like a father to her for the past 8 years, past away yesterday. He had become very ill, very quickly and this was probably for the best for him since he could barely function but's so sad. She's so strong and was very worried about her mother and I am worried about her. I do not handle death well. I never know what to say to make someone else feel better. I just told her if she needed me, I'd be there.

And that's what's bugging me...I feel like I SHOULD be there. Going to a party seems so trivial now (that is NOT a put down...celebrating Phoebe's 30 birthday is VERY important to me and I've been looking forward to it). I just keep thinking, "What would I want people to do if this happened to me?". But there's really not much I could do if I went there today so I'm going to keep her and her mother in my thoughts and head out for a memorial service. This is such a bummer. That sounds like such a horrific way to describe it. "A bummer".

He told me that I should be a children's book illustrator. He liked Scotch and smoking, Kurt Vonnegut, Ernest Hemmingway, the Ohio State Buckeyes, and a good steak. He was a cool dude that constantly teased me for things going right over my head, in a playful way. Gone too soon.

You'll be missed.

I love you, Becky.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

I'm just a fool. A fool in love with you.

Screw the picture of the day. Far too much effor for this kid.

But you CAN check out:

I noticed that I was getting way insane about song lyrics again. I have done that in the past...and the blog of Miss Phoebe Bean made me realize that I should be recording said lyrics somewhere other than my ACTUAL precious blog...I need the space to ramble about meaningless nothingness.

I get pretty obsessed about certain songs for certain periods of time for certain reasons. a "jam", if you will. On particular days, I might really get nutty about a song I haven't listened to in years. Or I might hear a song for the first time and feel like I have to share it with the entire inter-ma-jig community. Or something that happens in my days might spark the need to rock out to something specific.

You'll find those lyrics there...Rock-n-Roll Saved My Soul! Feel free to come to your own conclusions about why whatever song is wrecking my brain is...wrecking my brain.


Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Feeding, feeding my rage.

I don't mean to sound all philosphical or Angela Chase-esque or anything, but I think an insignificant piece of fruit has changed everything I have known completely. You're furiously working at your desk to get things done on a particularly busy day and suddenly, a paw appears in front of you with nothing in it besides one rather gigantic green grape. You look up from your paperwork and take the aforementioned grape without a single degree of hesitation and that's it...unless you count the few seconds where you ate the grape, in which case, you eat it and THEN that's it. The whole episode took exactly 4.34 seconds and yet it had the power to totally...fuck things up royally. And you consider that you're blowing the whole ridiculous thing out of proportion but when you discover that other people have an opinion about the exchange of said know that something has happened.

Make zero sense? I agree. I'm scared.

Today is the 30th anniversary of the day Phoebe Marie Nelson, the future and ex Mrs. Bean and the future and ex Mrs. Grammerstorf, was born! So drink lots of bourbon, dye your hair red, chow down on your Mac-n-Cheese, and forget your belt so the whole office can eyeball your ass cleavage! You've earned it by getting this far in life without your head completely falling off and proceeding to roll out into the street. I could sit here and thank you for a million things but that would be a waste of time as my words of sincerity always come out sounding sarcastic. And I could make a bazillion birthday wishes for you but I think your main one came true last night (I knew you could do it). So just have a great day...even if you spend it in bed, watching 'Sex and the City' and eating the entire cake I made you. It's your can do that you want! And I love put that in your frosting and eat it!

I am confused about boys. I'm not sure if it's all boys or particular boys or boys that don't live in Ohio. All I know is that I am millimeters away from becoming a nun with a secret nightlife or a non-practicing lesbian. Take your pick. Something dramatic better happen pretty soon to keep me from crossing my legs for the rest of eternity and becoming a dried berry. Is that so much to ask!?

Monday, July 25, 2005're my very special one.

I just had a series of obscene thoughts. And they're still lingering! I had plans to write about important stuff but how can I be expected to concentrate!?!? I am all kinds of hot-n-bothered! I love having spring fever in the summer time!

If you close the door, the night could last forever.
Keep the sunshine out and say Hello to never.
All the people are dancing and they're havin such fun.
I wish it could happen to me.
But if you close the door, I'd never have to see the day again.

If you close the door, the night could last forever.
Leave the wine glass out and drink a toast to never.
Oh, someday I know someone will look into my eyes...
And say,"'re my very special one".
But if you close the door, I'd never have to see the day again.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Police are coming. They're on the way.

I can cross The Spits off my list of bands to see. I can add a footnote that they were far superior to what I was expecting. I was expecting sloppy, insane, mega-drunk, thrashing punk rock. That element came from the audience. I stuck in the back with my fellas and did my Pink Ladies dance, especially to "Let Us Play Your Party" and "I H8 Pussies", the songs that stole my Spits virginity. Pick up a pretty kick-ass t-shirt and pins for myself and Switchbalde (who got along famously all day, I might add...not a bickering session between us during our entire evening which included dinner AND "Bad News Bears"...if you take away the kissing, he is Kelly Leak and I am Amanda Whurlitzer...the two best Bears of all).

Sean from The Spits got dumped by his girlfriend. He was looking for gals to give affection to. I leaned over to Switch and said, "I could fuck a Spit". I thought Bean would dig that...she likes when I drop F-bombs. That's one quarter for the swear jar.

But every shows has down sides because life just isn't perfect. It was jam-packed so I felt claustrophoic and firey hot. A certain girl on my S-list was there but that only bugged me for a second. The show sold out during the first band so Lybargally, Spink, and...their friend...had to wait outside for a bouncer to feel sympathetic, which eventually came about but just in the nick of time. And it was $10!!! I understand The Spits are from the northwest but the demographic for this show...some missing teeth, some carrying STDs, some not even out of high school...are not the kind to be able to comfortably shell out 10 bones! Plus, on the down side, there was alway the ever-present "my ex-husband and I can NOT talk to one another or I will cry in public or throw a punch" element. It's rough. I miss my friend...I wanted to talk to him...but he wronged me on so many levels. So it was uncomfortable.

Gary offered to tackle him. Gary is so one of my doods now.

Back to my discomfort...instead of going to see Teengenerate and The Reatards where "they" will be, I am going to sell merch for Lords of the Highway in Rochester...where the FUN will be. No drame there. Nothing but friends who don't screw me over and rockin' good times, followed by a Pussyfoot photo shoot tomorrow with the people I adore. So the weekend actually shaped up nicely (not as nicely as NEXT weekend which has me at 2 parties in a DO I DO IT!?!?!). I wanted Lybargally to be able to go and he didn't get a ticket because he didn't know how to deal with the Haidet drama. Now he's there. And Switch will be able to see Teengerate without having to worry about if I feel crummy or not. Not that it doesn't sting that he's there with "them".

But I've got so many damn good things going right now...a best friend who is my number one dood, a bunch of other grade-A pals, a job I love, a hobby that rocks, shows to see, shows to be in, the best, if not the goofiest, family to ever roam the planet, and boy prospects that are looking awfully sharp. I will not let this beat me. I will not let him beat me. I will not become the girl no one wants to be around.

Even if sometimes "tough ain't enough".

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I'm gonna love her. I swear, I will.

M-A-double S-A-C-H-U-S-E-double T-S.

I've had "Hometown" by Kings of Nuthin' in my head all the live-long day. It reminds me of the time I saw them in Detroit and Switchblade said, "That guy (Torr Skoog) has a Boston tattoo. He must really like that band". Whenever I tell this story, I have a hard time getting it out because I usually bust out laughing. Most of the time, people don't get it at first but when they do, it's like a throw your hand in the air, shake your head, and say "Oh Johnny" kind of moment. Actual point of all of this? Kings of Nuthin' are brilliant and their music is sexy. Not a "This gets me in the mood" kind of sexy but more like "I'm wearing a red strapless dress and my dancin' shoes" kind of sexy.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Spread my thunder wings and fly.

Switchblade and I fight like an old married couple according to Bean.

I woke up this morning in the Motor City and no, I wasn't kidnapped or teleported or long-distance sleep walking. I was there by choice amidst the stink and the crime and the stupid, constant left turns and pointless detours. I was only there for 12 hours (half of which was spent either snoozing or thinking up new ways to cleverly curse the alarm clock system that exists there) but that was still enough time to watch movies, drink beers, and play a little game I like to call "Wolverine and Jean Gray". It has very specific rules and should only be played by professionals. Or daredevils. Regardless, it's always fun to take a sabatical from my real world...there's nothing like laughing (and a slight hangover) to help you put things into perspective.

I need to write a letter to Tim Sullivan. I slack. And I suck.

Where's my Muppets Magic 8-Ball when I need it? I am trying to decide if I want to go to Atlanta the Saturday of Labor Day weekend for Drive Invasion 2005. Bands (including Nine Pound Hammer...this girl is down with the pound) and B-Movies sounds pretty swanky but I don't want to miss out on any local happenings (and also don't want to rape my snuggle-buddy Bert out of his Labor Day weekend which could be spent chasing the muff around...building a skyscraper...curing canabalism). Final decisions have yet to be made so feel free to bid for my attention and company.

I am totally obsessed with the song "Thunderbird" by TMBG.
Download it and will grow on you!

I know, I know, I said that I would quit
All right, I promise, no more after this
You don't know how I've tried
To forget what it was like

I remember now
I remember now
Why they called it Thunderbird
Why they called it Thunderbird

Man, oh man, my throat is dry
Man, are you thinking what I
Am? Well what about it then?

Before you fall, you have to learn to crawl
You can't see heaven when you're standing tall
To get the whole sky
On the ground you have to lie

I remember now
I remember now
Why they called it Thunderbird
Why they called it Thunderbird

We like fun, me and my girl
We'll have fun fun fun until
T-bird takes her dad away

I know, I know, I said that I'd desist
All right, I promise, no more after this
Not to be what I was like
Not to soar across the sky
Spread my thunder wings and fly
Spread my thunder wings and fly

I remember now
I remember now
Why they called it Thunderbird
Why they called it Thunderbird

Sunday, July 17, 2005

I'm a spy but I'm on your side, you see.

Uncle Ben tried to call my bluff...

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...but I never bluff about Hall and Oates!

And Cleveland and I have some things in common...

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...we're tough, but we're beat!

Saturday, July 16, 2005

What words rhyme with "buried alive"?

If Lisa Lybargally and I had a baby, I would name it Nurse Shark.

They might be bald. They might be snow. They might be something else in the snow. Tabloid footprints in your hair. Tabloid footprints everywhere. We can't be silent cause They Might Be Giants and what are we gonna do unless they are?

Miss Phoebe Bean and I went to guess it...They Might Be Giants, my most favorite band on this planet and others, last night. And while it wasn't the BEST time I've ever seen them, it still made my calves do the Pink Ladies dance until they could shake no more! MPB said I had the most ridiculous grin slapped on my face and that she had never seen me quite so geeked before, which was probably true! I had been counting down the days to this for MONTHS and my adrenaline was so high, that I thought I was going to toss my cookies even though I had only had one plastic bottle of beer!

Interjections (show excitement and emotion...they're generally set apart from a sentence by an exclaimation point or by a comma when the feeling's not as strong): If you go to San Antonio and you're in a NOT drink the frothy drinks that a bartender serves you or you may very well end up in a Vampire movie. Just a word to the wise!

Corn Mo, a man we were VERY wary of, wrote a song called "Jason Kline Cried Today" about a bunch of kids standing behind a building at school, eating sandwiches (my favorite part), which prompting one kid named Jason to take a leak on another kid named Jason. Then he cried because he had to go to class covered in someone else's urine. Pure genius!

Going to see They Might Be Giants really put me in my element that is purely mine since no one else seems to appreciate them to the degree that I do. I needed be in my element...since things have been rough recently and I can't really figure out how to handle the drastic change from things being really flipping good to heartbreaking and back again. It's not good on a person to feel like all. This show helped remind me that things are NOT always bad and they won't always be bad. No matter how dim things seem, they WILL get better...with time. I have to believe that or I will go insane, shave my head, change my name to Argyle and move to Guam.

I would not look good bald, as I've always said.

While I won't remember EVERY song they played...
Alphabet of Nations
Ana Ng
Birdhouse In Your Soul
Clap Your Hands
Damn Good Times
Doctor Worm
Experimental Film
Istanbul (Not Constantinople)
It's Kickin' In
James K. Polk
New York City
Robot Parade
She's an Angel
Snail Shell
Stalk of Wheat
Working Undercover For the Man
Finale: cover of some Hocus Pocus song with Corn Mo on vocals.
*also played a short first set of quick songs they had written about certain venues they had played on the tour including Anaheim House of Blues, The Egg in Albany, and Mr. Smalls in Pittsburgh.

Genius. Always and forver! Seeing their children's show at 3:00p today!!!

Thursday, July 14, 2005


Thank you, Uncle Ben Lybarger, for Hall and Oates.

It was inevitable. My ex-husband and I had to end up in the same place and the same time. But we didn't have to talk to each other. Yet we did. And we shouldn't have. It was so weird to be in the same place, at the same time, as the same people (well, I am the same but I'm pretty sure that at some point he just wigged and lost any trace of being the goofy, carefree dude that I loved), and not be "us".

He tried to make small talk. I tried to explain why it would be best if certain people were kept out of my path. And then my feelings were belittled and I was "blowing this all out of proportion". I'm sorry...but when it floats around that a friend of mine may have been trying to put the moves on my husband...whom I LOVED...I take that seriously. Seriously enough to put the stomp on someone. But he doesn't understand nor care how I feel. Why should he? He walked out on me after all...several times...and tossed the word "love" around like confetti.

And then Bean swoops in like a super heroine declaring "This is accomplishing NOTHING" and "Make your happy call". And my happy call was 15 minutes of sugary bliss that made Bean sick to her stomach which made me purr with joy. It made me very aware of my tiny, ineffectual fists. I am in love with them fists. They may appear ineffectual, but they are incredible, and someone out there appreciates them no matter how small.

My heart feels very sore right now. Possibly because I was forced to say out loud that a few months ago, it had been broken. I wish I had never even suggested that if I COULD (which I CAN'T) that I would want to be friends. I should have just stored that away with the rest of my life's embarrassing my skater-girl phase.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Sitting in your room, conversing all alone.

I have an ear infection. Ear infections make me cranky. They make my face tender. They make me walk funny and bury myself under a mountain of blankets and heating pads. Ear Infection Mountain. Ear infections make me have less than stellar days at work. I try to yuck it up like the clown I am but I end up crashing and burning in the end. Have I mentioned that I HATE ear infections and that they have ruled most of my life? Ear infections are second only to sore throats which are the most miserable conditions possible.

Making future plans to NOT sleep on a guy's couch help...a little.

I hate being sick! Especially when I have things going on like work and shows and laundry and dishes and bathing...yes, bathing is a chore when I am ill. I tend to get a little fuzzy in the brain which leads to me waking up under water, usually with shampoo in my eyes...which leads to screaming, which scares the cats. And bathing in itself is rank but who can stand long enough to take a propper shower when they are leeeeeeaaaaannnning to the right and then leeeeeeaaaaannnning to the left? Damn you, equillibrium! You're not the boss of me.

I am going to go make some S'Mores and then bury myself. See y'all when this is over.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Everyone's lookin' to see if it was you.

I need another weekend just to recover from THIS weekend. Phew!

Post-dress rehearsal on Friday, Switchblade and I were the only people at a late night showing of "Bewitched" which means we were also the only people to walk out of it. The theater didn't even have good candy and I want my $7.25 back. The only other movies I've ever walked out of were the McCauly Culkin version of The Nutcracker and "Fight Club". I get a lot of flack for that so I'll be giving it a second chance. I will be setting "Bewitched" on fire, though.

I spent all of Saturday morning buying presents for somebody's special Twenty Ten birthday that's right around the corner. Spending money brings me nothing but bliss and glee. Shopping is the flippin' best therapy.

Our show at Leroy Thompson Choppers was AMAZING if I do say so myself. We had a huge crowd (poor children are going to have nightmares) and everyone seemed pretty into our goofiness...even if they did look at us like we were the living dead when we walked in, parading around in our knickers. No shame! But I am so proud of us. I really think we all deserve a pat on the, I think we deserve a back massage!! And I got lots of compliments on the chair dance which made me beam with pride. And speaking of beaming with pride, Eerie and Keen came and congratulated me like two proud parents. They seemed quite impressed which made the whole evening worth it! We were interviewed by a magazine, paid (ch-ching!), and spent the rest of the evening running around the parking lot like excited children, snapping photos and causing chaos.

But the best part of my evening was after the show was over and I made a long distance call.

It's such a geat feeling to be so mega-geeked about your life and your accomplishments and hear someone tell you how proud they are of you and how happy they are for you and know that they sincerely mean it. I could hear the excitement in his voice for me and I knew he meant it when he said he wished he had been there. I covered every square inch of the parking lot just walking and talking and laughing my head off...having one of the best phone conversations I have ever had. If I wasn't totally jacked up enough by our stellar performance, I was utterly high by the time I hung up the phone. All it took to make my day was 16 minutes at midnight.

Switchblade says one day I'll admit I love him. Bean told a dude I was on the phone with my future husband.

All I've got to say in regards to this that I suppose...I GUESS...she can touch YOU (for now) but she better stay away from my alarm clock! That really burned my toast! I'm the only one who gets to complain about that ridiculous system. Turning off the alarm every 5 minutes for three thousand hours makes me cranky. Maybe that's why I hate your dog. Cause I'm too sleepy. But like I said...I'll TRY to learn to love him...but only for you.

But don't expect to find me playing fetch with that dunce or saying "Good boy, Pete" any time soon!

I spent my Sunday on Head Hunter Island. No joke. The story goes like this: I was on vacation with some of The Pussyfoot Girls (Mamacita/Hot Lips had to stay home and study and Roxy Roulette had to work) and we walked into this bar where a bartender said we should check out Party Island. But this total doof named Wrong Way sent us to Head Hunter Island! So I shouted, "HEY! If this is PARTY Island, why does this say HEAD HUNTER Island?!?!?" (it was an award winning performance by me). And then the Head Hunters came. They put us in a boiling hot, steaming kettle and had the NERVE to put carrots in it, trying to make Pussyfoot STEW! But then HOORAY! Lords of the Highway surfed in, axed the Head Hunters, and saved us! I even got to kiss that cutie Pete (my hero) and the next thing you know, we were on Party Island, rockin' out because anywhere the Lords are, THAT is Party Island! Beach Party style dancin' commenced. Good times. Good times.

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So...phew! What a weekend! I LOVED IT!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Times won't always be as hard as these.

Boy oh boy, am I glad that I didn't let my crippling stage fright keep me from joining The Pussyfoot Girls. The shows and the practices have been some of the best times I've had in my entire life and when I think about the fact that I didn't plan to continue beyond the first show, I could just kick myself square in the brain. Absurd. This has given me a hobby that I really enjoy, an opportunity to spend time with the coolest gals I know, and let's face it, a chance to run around town in my knickers, shaking my jugs and slappin' my friends on the ass. Don't act like you don't wish you could do that too!

And tonight's show should be especially rockin' and rollin', to say the very least. We've busted our asses for the past few weeks, doubled our set length, tightened up, and I really think it should be a highly entertaining way to spend my Saturday. Especially after I use up all of my drink tickets...and yours! Switchblade promised to have some new material which is something to look forward to. Not that "Lacey, what would your mother think?" and "Cover yourself!" weren't some real gems in themselves. And a little birdie mentioned that Eerie might be coming, which will be so flippin' rad since I'm beginning to think she's a figment of my imagination.

So come on out to the 2nd Annual Rockabilly Deluxe Rat Rod and Bike Show at Leroy Thompson Choppers in Mentor...and enjoy The Pussyfoot Girls, Lords of the Highway and more in the great outdoors! Rumor has it we'll be performing on a flat bed truck! How rock-n-roll is THAT? I'm hoping to rumble with some old school bikers and have a new school chopper guy rescue me. What a way to spend the day! But if you MUST miss out because you're having a liver transplant or your cactus died in a fire or your feet hurt from having 9 blisters or you have you children for the weekend, here is the set list you'll be missing out on (* features yours turly):

*Intros: instrumental
You Really Got Me by The Kinks
*Love Me Like Crazy by Cave Catt Sammy
*Itchy Pussy by Hillbilly Varmints (performed by Queen La Tata)
Whiplash by Big John Bates (scarf dance)
Heebie Jeebies by Nick Curran
*Mustang by The Kinfolks (chair dance)
*Whore For the Devil by The Hangmen
Rock Lobster by the B-52s
Loretta by Nervous Eaters covered by Neko Case
*Finale: Little Demon by Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Thursday, July 07, 2005

3 arms wrapped around me and 2 arms hold me tight.

I guess Ghoulies aren't go.

As you will see from days gone by, I listed the Groovie Ghoulies show under me "to do" list and it looked as follows: Wed. July 7 * Groovie Ghoulies, Vista Cruisers, Teenage Bottle Rockets, Teenage Harlots * Lime Spider * 9:30PM * $5 21 and over, $10 18-20 unless otherwise noted.

As you may have picked up on, my facts are contradicting themselves as YESTERDAY was Wednesday but TODAY was the 7th. Upon transfering the information from this site to my travelling schedule that I never leave home without, I plopped the event down in today's box. was yesterday that the Groovie Ghoulies rocked Akron. I have missed them once again and managed to make Switchblade miss them. I feel like a toad. A slimy worthless toad that always seems to be under people's boots at the wrong time.

Sorry Johnny.

As far as all the rubbish going on in my tiny, little life goes, it's just gotten more stinky and more rotten. You will notice, or maybe you have to be informed, that this gunk was brought to my attention, I accepted it as fact, I reacted. Now it seems as if the two parties involved have conflicting stories. It's possible that one is lying to save face. It's possible that the other exaggerates when drunk. All I know is that my feelings were/are so badly hurt that I cried at work and decided that physical action (i.e. "putting the stamp on" someone) was the best route...and I was totally supported in that course of action.

I'm putting that on the back burner for now...but that doesn't mean that I'm not burning hot with firey anger. No matter who said or did what, one of the gruesome twosome was not being a good friend when they should have been (i.e. hanging out with my husband while we hit rocky times but still claiming to support me while my chest was ripped guessed it...Indiana Jones-style). So my head is swimming.

And I hate "i.e."...a lot. Ice Cube has always so eloquently said...TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY. I mean, really good. Damn good. And I appreciated every second of it. I really took the time to stop and think, "Hey, today really rocks. I feel good. I can ignore the flies that are swarming for the time being". I hope there is a repeat performance tomorrow. I sure could stand that. Thanks to everyone who made it a really fantastic Thursday...or at least it WAS fantastic until I realized I messed up where the Ghoulies were concerned. Ribbet!

July 9th at 6:00
The 2nd Annual Rockabilly Deluxe
Old Custom Rat Rod and Bike Show
Leroy Thompson Choppers in Mentor

Entertainment by:
Lords of the Highway
The Pussyfoot Girls (9:00p, y'all)
Buck Stevens and the Buckshots

Food and beverages, too! YEEHAW!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Drink up, dreamers. You're running dry.

I WILL BE AT THESE will be hexed by a beautiful stranger!

Wed. July 7 * Groovie Ghoulies, Vista Cruisers, Teenage Bottle Rockets, Teenage Harlots * Lime Spider * 9:30PM * $5 21 and over, $10 18-20 unless otherwise noted

Sat. July 9 * "Bike and Rockabilly Show" w/ Lords of the Highway, Buck Stevens & the Buckshots, The Pussyfoot Girls * Leroy Thompson Choppers (Mentor, OH)

Tues. July 12 * Los Straitjackets Summer Twist Party, The Pontani Sisters, Kaiser George * 9PM * $15

Thurs. July 14 * The Immortal Lee County Killers, Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival * Beachland Tavern * 9PM * $7

Fri. July 15 * THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS!!!! * The Odeon * 9PM * $23.50

Sat. July 16 * THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS @ Kids Fest (children's show)* Tower City Ampitheater * 1:00 & 3:30PM

Thurs. July 21 * Holly Golightly, The Woggles * Beachland Tavern * 9PM * $10

Fri. July 22 * The Spits, Self-destruct Button, The Gluttons * Beachland Tavern * 9:30PM * $10

Fri. Aug. 5 * Peelander-Z * Beachalnd Tavern * 9PM * $6

Sat. Aug. 6 * Psychocharger * Twisted Nightmares Horror Convention (Quality Inn, Middleburg Hts., OH) * 9PM

Wed. Aug. 10 * Split Lip Rayfield * Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame

Tues. Aug. 16 * The Briefs, Street Dogs, Curbslappy * Grog Shop * $8 adv/$10 dos

Sat. Aug. 20 * Cult of the Psychic Fetus, Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival * The Grog Shop * 9PM

Sat. Oct. 8 * Reigning Sound (opening for Detroit Suckrahs, my ears will temporarily bleed) * Beachland Tavern * 9PM * $12

Mon. Nov. 21 * Brian Setzer Orchestra * Cleveland House of Blues

Here I am pumping those hips.

"A true friend stabs you in the front"---Oscar Wilde.

I would like to think that I have the magical power to learn a valuable lesson or take something good out of the grotesque and horrific, yet sickeningly amusing, day I've had which will most likely be labled "The Worst Day of My Life, For Serious"...unless either of my parents die or their house catches fire with all my stuff in their basement or my car explodes with me in it. I would actaully describe this day as being something akin to pineapple-eating Nazis, because that is the most stomach-churning thing I can think of, no matter how hot Nazis may look in movies.

The lesson I have potentially learned is to respect my friends...the ones I have left...the ones that I know actually love and care about me. I'm going to treat those stupid, filthy, sons-of-bitches like GOLD from now on BECAUSE: I am now a strict believer of the 'do unto others as you would have them to to you' policy. No one (not NO ONE...just some of the people I need to do it) seems to want to take the time, lazy lame-asses, to step into my kicks and take the few seconds required to consider how I might be feeling. So I wonder, "Do I do the same where others are concerned?". Well, I flippin' do now, you better believe it! My feelings are being disregarded and squashed left and right like a grape or an eyeball, if you're feeling all gore-ish, and I don't want to be responsible for making ANYONE that I care about or have the nerve to call "my friend" feel small or crushed or heartbroken. I want to be able to be counted on and trusted and respected. If you call me your friend and I have recently wronged you, just know...I feel pretty damn bad about it.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Heartless. You and I are going to find a new group that doesn't know ________. I am not going to let people keep rubbing this in your face, Assholes. ---one of the most wise people I know (and adore).

And now for a moment of surliness: there are about a bazillion available people on this planet. Why does everyone feel the need to dip their toes in the same pond and then rub the burning muck in your eyes over and over? That's what I want to know because it shocks the Hell out of me. And if we reference the above life lesson, I think that I must have done something really horrific to a certain broad who shall remain nameless because she certainly is curently feeding me something despicable. I guess that's what you get for trying to be supportive and letting someone cry on your shoulders in the past. You get the sharp shaft of reality shoved up your ass.

End surliness and begin realism.

You can't trust anyone, and that's a sad fact.

If you DO trust people, they end up doing hurtful things... I'm sure I've been there as well. And the 4 fools that I do trust most in the world, well, they are a scattered bunch, not by any fault of their own. With one in Columbus, one in Detroit, one who leads a mega-busy life (and has her own compliacted life issues) and one who hears far too much about my broken blood-pumper and rotting's hard to get that one-on-one, face-to-face, "can we make with the love just so I don't have to feel like THIS" kind of comforting. Plus, I don't dig "the muff". Girls are more of a headache than guys, this I know first hand because I, myself, have a vagina.

So allow me to reiterate again and hopefully for the last time...I am hurting and having a hard time. This will probably continue on for awhile considering I just RECENTLY had my knees kicked out from under me once again. Please put yourself in my situation and gauge how you would react if all this rubbish happened to you...I bet you wouldn't be so hasty to just brush me off. Or maybe you which case you are a total jerkoff. But I bet you'd see that my reactions are totally normal and that, all in all, I'm dealing with it all pretty well and deserve a high five and not the boot.

And to the people who have recently been my support system and totally back me up and say I have every right to feel like garbage and every right to say my mind is blown and every right to just flip my mutha-truckin' lid: I love you and would like to have all of your babies. I will name them after different kinds of sharks. Woot! Woot!

I promise to toughen up.

Just call me Beatrix Kiddo.

She kicked the shit out of everyone in town and still cried tears of joy in the end.

Monday, July 04, 2005

I'm just drivin' nails in my coffin (the tail end).

***please don't neglect my guestbook down is like a lonely empty vagina***

Happy Birthday American, you old so-and-so.

Making it to Winston-Salem, NC in less than the 7.5 allotted hours was a rockin' good way to start our Heavy Rebel weekend, though my ass would tell you otherwise...maybe I better toss in here that it was sore from driving from Cleveland. Yes, my ass drove us there. Regardless, it didn't hurt that we had a pretty swank hotel room...a suite if you will...right next to Carol "Mutha-Fuckah" High Hair and Tommy "Ho Ho Ho Awhoooooooo" Bones. Those kids can synchronize swim, let me tell you sir! And they even made up an Ol' Kentucky Sharks dance Esther Williams-style! Yeeeeeehaw!

Speaking of "yeehaw", I wore a cowboy hat ALL WEEKEND and am pretty sure that I should wear it every day for the rest of my little life! It is very seldom that I find a fashion trend that works for me and hats are USUALLY a bad idea for anyone. This stuff.

And speaking of "hot stuff"...

The crop of fellas at the Millenium Center had vastly improved from last year but this was still a "no-flirt" weekend. Compare that to an "all-skate". I wanted this to be about friends and drinkin' and tunes and not worrying about some dude and what he's doing. I do that enough during the week. It seems that my travelling companions didn't have a hard time securing weekend company of the male-persuasion and I saulte them for their tom-foolery! Regardless, it was good to be back at the Heavy Rebel Weekender. I could sit around and go band-by-band-by-band-by-band but HOLY COW, that would be a yawner, so I'll just give you my weekend Top Five and then go right to the juicy tid bits:

Red Hot Poker Dots were incredibly...incredible! They were talented musicians from Australia, cute as buttons (the gal's bass was bigger than she was), and sang a song called "Pony Pot Pie". How cute is THAT?! I love them and you should love them too.

The Brimstones
were the band I rocked the hardest to. At the last second I remembered they were playing but I caught a fan-fucking-tastic finale that include "Louie Louie", "Surfin' Bird", "Gloria", and "Steppin' Stone". My dancin' shoes were fiery hot.

Kings of Nuthin'
...well...all I can say is HOT DAMN and their new album is going to be SO RAD when it is completed. "Rhythm and Booze", be sure to get it. And Torr Skoog, though I did not flirt with you ("no-flirt"), I did feel a little tingle in my nether region when you were on stage...and when you took your teeth out and put them in your pocket.

not only covered their naked bodies in molasses and were then feathered (and I mean FEATHERED...straight from the pillow), but they dedicated "Devil Snake" to yours truly because Jimmy knows I am "having a rough time".

And with the honor of being seen TWO TIMES in one weekend, God damn, Sasquatch and the Sick-a-Billys. Amazing. Just flat out amazing. If you haven't heard of or seen them, shoot yourself in the foot...and then hop to it! So there you Top 5 of the weekend.

I will give a runner-up high five to Rock-Ola for having a darling accordion player. I chatted with her about my accordion. I was obviously more excited about it than she.

And I should also give a shot to Straight 8's for just rockin' in general...and for having a hot bass player that we like to take pictures of. I was more than obliged to start doing my two leg dance move that Carol supposedly loves to "Mean Go Getter" and "Candy Doll". Those two tunes paved the way for the rock hard calves and thighs that are currently torturing me.

Sheeeeeeeesh...I just can't stop puckering up to the luscious cheeks of Lords of the Highway either. They ruled the event, per usual, per year. "King of the Ville" may be my new favorite song of theirs. The yelp that Sugar releases during the chorus is infectious. I would like to do it once a day to help me relieve stress.

Other highlights included Thee Merry Widows, whom I could NOT get into despite the hype (same goes for Jerry King and the Rivertown Ramblers, as well as the Blind Pharohs), covering "Holy Hack Jack", the bass player for Blatant Finger rockin' out in the nude, Pete Yorko in his leopard skivvies, all of my crazy drunk pals shouting the Ol' Kentucky Shark motto (and getting a sweeeeeet shark belt buckle that you wish you had), howling to "King of the Ville", early morning swim-a-thon, Mad Libs, PIDDLE, continental breakfast, imitating Crazy Danny imitating Sparky, BOOB SCOTCH, KY jelly during 7 Shot Screamers, stealing the American flag and singing to it...and parading it around the pool area, running head first into wooden signs, the entertainment that is a drunk Uncle Ben, spooning with a tall boy (my favorite kind of boy), free fondue fountain, buying weekend treats (a Brimstones t-shirt, a long sleeve Sourpuss shirt, 4 stickers, and a new purse/bag, PLUS the world's best belt buckle), the most satisfying grilled cheese sandwichs, and then ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM to Kings of Nuthin' who were rockin' and hot, per usual.

Some downsides included a Saturday morning sunburn that is still raping my skin with more force by the second, some sharks and shark asociates getting busted for smoking the dope, mysterious cuts, bruises, knots, and sore muscles, losing my voice on Saturday night (it's about to go again), 12:07a passing 3 times and no kiss from my kissing buddy (a total "non-flirt" thing), other people's weird moods affecting my good mood, and a $120 speeding ticket for Little Jenny Penny.

But overall, it was so flipping worth it and I am already counting down the days until next year! I'm sure I'm forgetting plenty of important "goings-on" but what can you do? And I hope to have pictures ASAP to share with all y'all so keep your eyes peeled!

Ho ho ho....awhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I'm just drivin' nails in my coffin (the pre-cursor).

You want to know about Heavy Rebel 2005?

Well, I just walked in the door after 2 full days of drinking, 3 full days of rocking, and 7 hours (plus 1 speeding ticket...poor Lil' Jen) of uncomfortable car time.

So keep your drawers on!

My drawers is on far! My drawers is on far!

I promise a jam-packed update about the best Heavy Rebel YET after I catch a much needed nap, an even MORE needed shower, and hopefully, eat a hot dog.