Monday, July 04, 2005

I'm just drivin' nails in my coffin (the tail end).

***please don't neglect my guestbook down yonder...it is like a lonely empty vagina***

Happy Birthday American, you old so-and-so.

Making it to Winston-Salem, NC in less than the 7.5 allotted hours was a rockin' good way to start our Heavy Rebel weekend, though my ass would tell you otherwise...maybe I better toss in here that it was sore from driving from Cleveland. Yes, my ass drove us there. Regardless, it didn't hurt that we had a pretty swank hotel room...a suite if you will...right next to Carol "Mutha-Fuckah" High Hair and Tommy "Ho Ho Ho Awhoooooooo" Bones. Those kids can synchronize swim, let me tell you sir! And they even made up an Ol' Kentucky Sharks dance Esther Williams-style! Yeeeeeehaw!

Speaking of "yeehaw", I wore a cowboy hat ALL WEEKEND and am pretty sure that I should wear it every day for the rest of my little life! It is very seldom that I find a fashion trend that works for me and hats are USUALLY a bad idea for anyone. This one...hot stuff.

And speaking of "hot stuff"...

The crop of fellas at the Millenium Center had vastly improved from last year but this was still a "no-flirt" weekend. Compare that to an "all-skate". I wanted this to be about friends and drinkin' and tunes and not worrying about some dude and what he's doing. I do that enough during the week. It seems that my travelling companions didn't have a hard time securing weekend company of the male-persuasion and I saulte them for their tom-foolery! Regardless, it was good to be back at the Heavy Rebel Weekender. I could sit around and go band-by-band-by-band-by-band but HOLY COW, that would be a yawner, so I'll just give you my weekend Top Five and then go right to the juicy tid bits:

Red Hot Poker Dots were incredibly...incredible! They were talented musicians from Australia, cute as buttons (the gal's bass was bigger than she was), and sang a song called "Pony Pot Pie". How cute is THAT?! I love them and you should love them too.

The Brimstones
were the band I rocked the hardest to. At the last second I remembered they were playing but I caught a fan-fucking-tastic finale that include "Louie Louie", "Surfin' Bird", "Gloria", and "Steppin' Stone". My dancin' shoes were fiery hot.

Kings of Nuthin'
...well...all I can say is HOT DAMN and their new album is going to be SO RAD when it is completed. "Rhythm and Booze", be sure to get it. And Torr Skoog, though I did not flirt with you ("no-flirt"), I did feel a little tingle in my nether region when you were on stage...and when you took your teeth out and put them in your pocket.

Psychocharger
not only covered their naked bodies in molasses and were then feathered (and I mean FEATHERED...straight from the pillow), but they dedicated "Devil Snake" to yours truly because Jimmy knows I am "having a rough time".

And with the honor of being seen TWO TIMES in one weekend, God damn, Sasquatch and the Sick-a-Billys. Amazing. Just flat out amazing. If you haven't heard of or seen them, shoot yourself in the foot...and then hop to it! So there you go...my Top 5 of the weekend.

I will give a runner-up high five to Rock-Ola for having a darling accordion player. I chatted with her about my accordion. I was obviously more excited about it than she.

And I should also give a shot to Straight 8's for just rockin' in general...and for having a hot bass player that we like to take pictures of. I was more than obliged to start doing my two leg dance move that Carol supposedly loves to "Mean Go Getter" and "Candy Doll". Those two tunes paved the way for the rock hard calves and thighs that are currently torturing me.

Sheeeeeeeesh...I just can't stop puckering up to the luscious cheeks of Lords of the Highway either. They ruled the event, per usual, per year. "King of the Ville" may be my new favorite song of theirs. The yelp that Sugar releases during the chorus is infectious. I would like to do it once a day to help me relieve stress.

Other highlights included Thee Merry Widows, whom I could NOT get into despite the hype (same goes for Jerry King and the Rivertown Ramblers, as well as the Blind Pharohs), covering "Holy Hack Jack", the bass player for Blatant Finger rockin' out in the nude, Pete Yorko in his leopard skivvies, all of my crazy drunk pals shouting the Ol' Kentucky Shark motto (and getting a sweeeeeet shark belt buckle that you wish you had), howling to "King of the Ville", early morning swim-a-thon, Mad Libs, PIDDLE, continental breakfast, imitating Crazy Danny imitating Sparky, BOOB SCOTCH, KY jelly during 7 Shot Screamers, stealing the American flag and singing to it...and parading it around the pool area, running head first into wooden signs, the entertainment that is a drunk Uncle Ben, spooning with a tall boy (my favorite kind of boy), free fondue fountain, buying weekend treats (a Brimstones t-shirt, a long sleeve Sourpuss shirt, 4 stickers, and a new purse/bag, PLUS the world's best belt buckle), the most satisfying grilled cheese sandwichs, and then ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM to Kings of Nuthin' who were rockin' and hot, per usual.

Some downsides included a Saturday morning sunburn that is still raping my skin with more force by the second, some sharks and shark asociates getting busted for smoking the dope, mysterious cuts, bruises, knots, and sore muscles, losing my voice on Saturday night (it's about to go again), 12:07a passing 3 times and no kiss from my kissing buddy (a total "non-flirt" thing), other people's weird moods affecting my good mood, and a $120 speeding ticket for Little Jenny Penny.

But overall, it was so flipping worth it and I am already counting down the days until next year! I'm sure I'm forgetting plenty of important "goings-on" but what can you do? And I hope to have pictures ASAP to share with all y'all so keep your eyes peeled!

Ho ho ho....awhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

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