Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Tell me that you'll wait for me.

So this day started out relatively suck-o stemming from an evening of ultimate suckiness. I hate phone fights but they happen and you deal with it. I dealt with it by taking Advil PMs last night and then crying at work this morning. Some people just don't think before they speak or place blame. I, myself, am trying to not have Foot-In-Mouth Disease as part of my "treat others how I want to be treated" resolution. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive. I'll blame it all on my period.

But the whole emo day turned right into a whirlwind of utter thrills! I found a Vegas package that will allow us to stay an extra night for LESS than we were paying for two nights! Weeee! Now I don't have to sweat missing out on all the typical Vegas fun the strip has to offer. There's no doubt we'll hit the wax museum, M&M World, the pirate show, the MGM lions, and everything in between. All this's a great feeling. I can't wait for the shenanigans to begin! And I hope they begin with the bottomless cup at Blondie's!!!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

She might just want my bones, you see.

After a semi-busy day slaving in the coal mine, I headed out with 2 pals to Spa Night at my favorite restaurant, The Melting Pot! Luckily, on Spa Night, everything is scaled down a bit so a fondue dinner fit into my diet plan. I didn't have the option of taking a swim in the Gorgonzola Port. While my supposedly peach margarita was too strong (I took one breath and burned our waiter's eyebrows off), the cheese was ooey, gooey liquid Heaven!

And as an added bonus, we got free arm and hand massages (hand massages, as some of you may know, throws an orgasmic sensation my way...which could have proved awkward in a room full of strangers), parfin dips which made my hands feel like velvet, and garlic-wine seasoning that Phoebe used to shove in her purse post-meal. And while I didn't get to rub my velvet hands on a big, hairy man (sensing he needed some space, I happily slept in my own bed after rockin' the Pilates, yo), it was still a lovely evening.

Any lovely evening does not guarantee an equally lovely day. While things seemed to be going along swimmingly as I gleamed the cubicle, the Puffin in my life made a joke (so he says...I'm not going into details) that was just a big OUCH! I could have just ignored the whole thing but it stung. And it just brought to the top of my head a lot of things that have stung in the past. I'm expected to be a certain way, strong and tough...not depressed, not emotional, but I'm not a robot. Though a gal can dream!

So the ride home was a lot of Phil Collins, Morrissey and crying.

You can only hold things in for so long? You shouldn't have to hurt.

On the flip side, I successfully completed the second day of my bikini plan. Embracing the no bread, minimal sweets, Fast Food ban aspects of my chow time. I was picked on a little as everyone stuffed Taco Bell down their holes at work. But after 40 days of sacrifice when I'm lounging pool side, slugging down Daquiris, and smooching on my man with no worries about if I look foolish, those tacos won't mean shit to me!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Can't seem to get my mind off of you.

Bill and I are going on our first official vay-cay together and we're flying the friendly skies to my happy place, Las Vegas! He hasn't been on vacation in 4 years and he's NEVER been there so I can only imagine the sort of trouble and chaos we're going to encounter in just 40 short days! And the whole trip is jam-packed with things we have to accomplish outside of the assumed gambling, drinking, swimming, and sight-seeing. We have to get tattooed (me), go to the NASCAR race, and sky-dive (him). Throw eating and sleeping in there and we've got pretty much every second of every day acounted for. It's a lot to tackle but I have faith in us. We're hardcore.

But there are a few worries drilling holes into the back of my skull and I need the pressure relieved, a la Saw III, which was better than Saw II, but not as good as the original. But I digress. Will we get everything done that we want to? Will we book a good package in time? Will we have enough funds? Will we have a good time? Will we fight? Will we have horrible hangovers? Will somethign effed up happen during the sky-diving? Will we miss our flight? Will someone be able to cover us at work? And most importantly...


Yeah, I bought a REALLY small bikini. Usually I rock a 2 piece with the boy shorts but not this year.This year, I'm going low rise string bikini all the way. But it's so cute. It's one of those "had to have" items. And I got a pretty desireable response from my boyfrined just by holding it in da sto'. I tried it on and while it looked nice, I could stand to shed a few here-n-there to secure that the damn thing fits how it should. There's nothing I hate more than an ill fitting swimsuit on someone. It's not pleasant to look at. It's vulgar.

My bikini is so small, I'm blushing just thinking about it.

Bye bye bread! So long sugar! This is gonna be a LONG 40 days, y'all.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

My head explodes and my body aches!

I still have my Christmas tree up. What a piece of trash, I am.

My ribs feel like they are getting ready to bust straight out of my flesh. Like there is a robotic wolf...or wolves...inside just ready to terrorize anything or anyone that stands in their path. But first they've got to break free and it looks like they're taking my ribs with 'em. I know I have a broken rib, if not two. It's making sleeping very difficult cause I tend to rock-n-roll. Breathing isn't exactly a walk in the park with a flask full of whiskey either. But what can a doctor do? Pump me full of narcotics and send me on my way to babble, drool, and run over small children with my car? I'm on my own with this one. Just me and my robotic wolves.

I'm going to be a total hermit this weekend. I need to squirrel my nuts away for Vegas! We can't book our flight and hotel for 10 more days (!!!) which is starting to make me sweat since things seem to be filling up lickity split! I don't want to stay at the Vegas Ecconolodge. I want to stay in a flipping noisy, bright-n-flashy, more than I can handle CASINO! Especially since it's Puffin's first time in the city that doesn't sleep (but does drink liquor on the street).

We have so much planned that I can barely keep my brain in my head or my uterus in my lower quad. Gambling, drinking, buffets, drinking, swimming, drinking, racing, drinking, wax museums, drinking, getting tatooed (while sober...gotta be good to my flesh), drinking, sky diving, and drinking! Man oh man, to get my picture with a wax statue of HEF!?!?!

So that's why I'm going to hermit-it-up this weekend. I could go see Lords of the Highway on Saturday and I'm sure it will be a ball-kickin' good time but I have a priority. And my priority is going on vacation to my happy place with my boyfriend. Maybe you think that's just a plain ol' goofy priority but work is taking over his brain, it's stressing me out, and I think it's partners with the robotic wolves.

I'm so burnt out that sleeping has become my weekend activity and that just ain't cuttin' it because I'm still young (until I turn 28 in 11 days) and I should be rocking the HELL OUT until the middle of the night drinking too much, throwing up on the street, waking up with a hangover, and starting all over the next night! Sheesh. I'm not 21 anymore. That whole scenario is just embarrassing. But I do want to have some fun! And I'm going to start having it in LAS VEGAS!

Send text messages and don't forget me while I'm in hiding!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Although miles come between us.

I've got left over Maccaroni Grill in my fridge. I have left over Antonio's as well. I don't have any actual "real" food though and that's sort of depressing. My cats pulled some bad celery out of the garbage and ate it, which is kind of freaky. You would have thought it was a dead rabbit the way the tore it to shreads. It was probably more like a live rabbit though. Three little freaks I'm raising over here.

I just spit yellow phlegm into a piece of legal paper.

I haven't spoken to Puffin in 24 hours and that bugs me. We got into a cat fight this week that actually had me sleeping on the couch and heavy doses of the silent treatment. We were both in the wrong, apologies were made, and I'm pretty sure things were patched up since we had sleep overs for the next two nights (and there was hot-n-heavy hanky panky). But he seems like he has sand in his vagina to me...crabby. And things that were said on Wednesday are still gnawing away at my guts like a bullemic with a box of Ding-Dongs. We're still planning our Vegas vacation so things can't be that rotten. Maybe he just has his period.

I'm going to go make out with my DVR and re-heat a slice.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I think we need to sit down and talk.

I thought I was all ready to park my ass and blather and jabber but I need that marvelous and sexy wonder drug that is caffeine. Once Carol said that if she could give me anything, it would be a never ending supply of fresh Pepsi. Like a giant vat in my back yard that I could swim in. And I would. Because some how the Pepsi would be distilled and my swimming in it would be safe and erotic. Like a modern day Esther Williams. I'm getting turned on by a bevvy. Better get me some! Back in a flash, just like your herpes!

Glug glug glug glug!

Everything outside the window in my cubicle is covered in snow. Bill got out of bed this morning and announced that outside "there's white stuff all over the place". And I can put aside the perverse nature of that statement (only for a moment) to say TRUE DAT! Snow is taking over and it's touching my face and making me BATTY!

And WHO wore canvas sneakers to work today? A total asshole, that's who! And an asshole with p-monia who should dress more weather appropriate. An asshole who thinks she re-broke her rib from coughing to hard refuses to go to the hospital until the date she set (Wednesday...practicing discipline). I'm not naming names but her ass is smaller than it used to be and she looks cute at work today. Even if she has a heating pad stuffed up her shirt that looks like a tumor or shifty pregnancy.

I know I'm a day late (not THAT kind of late) but I had a k-rad weekend. I don't just lable EVERYTHING as k-rad, you know. Somethings are just "cool" or plain vanilla "rad". I started things out by Friday-style chowing Mexican style and partaking in some drama-free bowling (93!). I ended things Friday-style by watching a special on the 10 most dangerous sharks...Lemon Sharks were number 10. Supposedly they kick ass and I believe it. Saturday and Sunday were a mucked-up but vag-shaking combo of movies (funny, scary, and dirty), food (pork, beef, and PIZZA), hanky-panky (XXX), napping (zzzzzzzzz), cocktails (Busch, Miller, Bud), music (Elton John, Phil Collins, Journey), and me saying, "This is the BEST WEEKEND EVER!". And it was. No drama, no fights, no boredom. Just good stuff. Good times. Good times.

Upcoming Events on My Social Calendar:
My Birthday dinner w/ the fam.
Carol's Birthday Par-tay!
My Birthday lunch and bar hop w/pals (and BECKY!).
My birthday PFG show at Chuck's.
V-v-v-v-v-v-vegas, baby!
One year anniversary w/ Puffin.

So far, things are good in 2007. Bill and I even sort of have a joint resolution that we like to call "Seven in Seven". We're going to TRY and go to 7 Nascar races this year. I'm only signed up for 5 as of now but what's 2 more (if HE pays)? I like the idea of securing the whole Nascar season as his girlfriend. I don't have the best track record with relationships so I'm wary. I really like this one. I'm happy here. I want to stay. At least I'm in until Miami!

Friday, January 12, 2007

And I just might be your baby tonight!

Happy Birthday Carol Shoe-Lane!

I'm the worst bowler EVER! But I'm a healthy eater. And a good drinker. And a championship socializer. And a happy kid. So I'm pretty jacked up about scarfing down the cuisine of ye ol' Mexicans and then hittin' the local bowl-a-rama with the my dudes and my honey toooonight!

Don't get me wrong, I like kickin' back and hangin' in my jammies with stacks off movies surrounding me like towers, pausing only for napping, leaking, rehydrating, and fooling around. But it's nice to shower and shave, wear your good hair, and spend an evening with a good crew. I've been a homebody for far too long but tonight, I'm painting the town hot pink and I'm going to laugh any time anyone says balls. <----tee hee.

Come on everybody, gather round.
I'm gonna show you how to knock 'em down.
When I'm on the ball, I'm the number one.
And I'm gonna show you how it's done.

Let's bowl, let's bowl, let's rock-'n-roll.
Hey, come on, let's get this show on the road.
Let's bowl, let's bowl, let's rock-'n-roll.
We're sittin' on a bomb that's about to explode.

We're gonna score tonight, we're gonna score tonight.
If you're lookin' for a fight, then the time is right.
We're gonna wipe the floor with you tonight.
We're gonna score tonight, we're gonna score tonight.
We're gonna rock, we're gonna roll, We're gonna bop, we're gonna bowl.
We're gonna score, score, score, score, score tonight!

Hey Paulette, take a look over here.
I'm your kingpin, honey, and I'm gettin' in gear!
Hey Johnny, Johnny, go bowl that strike.
And I just might be your baby tonight!

Let's bowl, let's bowl, let's rock-'n-roll.
Hey, come on, let's get this show on the road.
Let's bowl, let's bowl, let's rock-'n-roll.
'Cause the stakes are high, and the winner takes all!

We're gonna score tonight, we're gonna score tonight.
Don't get sore when you lose tonight, We're gonna show you how to do it right.
We're gonna score tonight, we're gonna score tonight.
We're gonna rock, we're gonna roll, We're gonna bop, we're gonna bowl.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I'm really goo-goo over you!

Things are so flipping swell right now you would think I was wearing a pair of ultra-stylish vibrating pants! But that just sounds dangerous and "danger" is not my middle name! Let me think of another analogy...things are so damn dandy right now (right at this VERY second) that you would assume someone had served me up a tall stack of dad-style mega-white flapjacks, that all birds had become extinct on the spot, and they brought back "Undeclared" with all new episodes! I'm in a good mood and it's not medication enduced! Not that there's anything wrong with medicating your way to bliss if it's under a doctor's close supervision. And there's fo' sho' nothing wrong with medicating the p-monia out of your whithered and decaying lungs! How's THAT for a transition!? KA-CHOW!

I'm physically repaired. I'm ready for cocktails. Where will I have them?

I will start off my Friday evening with MARGARITAS! Carol is turning 41 and she was so kind as to include me in her birthday celebration. It's not like I would have given her much of a choice. I would have wrapped my tentacles around her or suctioned to her like a sponge until she gave in and let me tag along. But I didn't have to act like a hideous appendage or black plague. I got an o-fficial in-vite! Weeeee! Carol is one of the best things to happen to me in the last few years so I consider it quite the honor to be chowing Mexican food (and many, many, many margaritas) and bowling some balls with such a k-rad lady! Is Mexican food, drinking and bowling a deadly tri-fecta? It's possible. I could probably write an entire thesis on it but why do that when I can stare at myself in the mirror, marvelling at all the weight I've dropped while being on the verge of death. I'm shallow when it comes to a smaller waist and can. Waiste can. Spelling aside, so funny.

Yeah, I'm really fucking giddy and I don't know if that's a good thing or not! I'm so amped about Carol's birthday, upcoming Pussyfoot shows, upcoming themed parties that I don't have to throw, Bill and I going to Vegassssssssssss, our one year anniversary (feel free to toss, and feel free to toss on someone you love)...there's just a lot of good stuff coming up and I'm ready for it. I think making that silly ass resolution list has got me motivated and dare I say...CHIPPER!?!? No one will recognize me without my signature scowl and fat ass. I want to be a happy girlfriend, an involved friend, a productive person. In the words of Kendra: "I just want to be OK".

Life is good. I'm not rubbing it in but when does this happen!?!?!



Monday, January 08, 2007

Four more years ain't right for me.

***OK...I added some things. Check it out.***

Inspired by the lovely Carol High Hair, I am making a resolution list for 2007. I'm not settling down with just one goal for the year. I'm going to play the resolution field. Carol figures that a good solid list would guarantee that something gets accomplished and that way, I won't feel like a failure! Feeling like a failure is not a good way to tie up a year. So by the end of 2007, I want to feel like somewhat of a success! So here it 2007 resolution list! ENJOY!

P.S. I'm almost not sick anymore. I plan on drinking alot of Friday to celebrate my health. And Carol's BIRTHDAY! Her name sure is in this entry alot...and not just because i know she's going to read it (Carol Carol Carol Carol Carol Carol Carol).

2007 Resolution List (inspired by the ever clever Carol High Hair).
1. Become ambidextrous and then use my left hand most.
2. Re-learn sign language and teach it to Carol to we can have secret conversations.
3. Call Bill on his bullshit.
4. Treat others the way I expect to be treated.
5. Let the little things go.
6. Ride my k-rad bike more...and find people who want to ride with me.
7. Find a workout buddy and take some sort of water aerobics class.
8. Take some sort of class...fencing, swing dancing, quilting. I need a hobby.
9. Start painting again. Hardcore.
11. Bust my hump at my job proving that I'm worth more money.
12. Cook everything I've marked in my cookbooks and have dinner parties.
13. Spend more time with my friends.
14. Relax!
15. Get healthier to avoid getting sick so often.
16. Plan some fun roadtrips (Niagara Falls!!!) with fun people.
17. Open a savings account.
18. Do some home improvements and keep the joint clean.
19. Avoid drama.
20. Continue to NOT jog/run and continue to HATE joggers/runners.
21. Go to the movie theater more.
22. Eat more veggies...especially asparagus.
23. Get more involved in helping the Pussyfoot Girls grow!
24. Totally rape Netflix for all it's worth.
25. Buy a pair of cowboy boots and another cowboy hat.
26. Have a super mega fun Vegas vacation!
27. Dress up (make-up, hair, and all) one day at Heavy Rebel.
28. Go to the history and art museums.
29. Keep the high five alive!
30. Play more board games...start a game night!!!
31. Buy more books and read them!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Breathe deep. We need a donor for blood.

Where have I been, you might ask yourself? I've been in a special kind of coma where you're wide awake yet you can't eat, drink, sleep, watch television, listen to music, or anything. You just toss, turn, and stare into space but you're not even bored. You're just alternating between freezing and sweating and basically all you're doing to existing because you're too sick to do anything else. Sometimes, also, there's cookie tossing and that is never fun. And you FINALLY drags your skinny, nasty, weak-ass bag of bones to the Emergency Room and they try to admit you because it's PNEUMONIA...again. When I get sick, I get sick. There's no messin' around.

They took blood and urine (and didn't even give it back...jerks), they gave me liters upon liters of saline solution mixed with anti-biotics (and my body thanks them soooooo much), I had aeresol treaments as my oxygen levels were only at 92%, I had an EKG cause the treatments made my heart go boom too fast, I had several X-Rays and I also had an embarrasing gown that didn't really close in the back. While there, Aunt Flo came to visit which was inopportune to say the very least. Then the bastards tried to admit me! I didn't want to stay overnight for some underlying reason. There were lots and lots of tears which I think actually made me pass out for a little while. Eventually, I left the hospital "against medical advice" and went to Dr. Bill's instead. I ate soup there and actually fell asleep. It's a comfortable place to a womb.

Then there was the New Year's Eve disaster. Oh ugh.

I'm hanging up my party planning crown. There was just far too much drama at this one. Hot damn. Fighting, yelling, throwing up, busted pipes (yes, pipes busted and water was shut off AFTER it was pouring from the ceiling...and then later the bathroom flooded...ugh), utter wierdness, and the absence of some key party people. I was glad to see the people that came but missed the people who didn't. Painfully.

It just boils down to the fact that it's too much work to entertain and costs too much and it's really a gamble on whether or not it will be fun. I know some people had tons of fun and I'm happy for them. I wasn't one of them but that could be because of the pneumonia, too. I'm just going to become a party regular from now on. Let someone else clean before, clean after, spend money, make the plans. I'm tired of it. For my birthday this year, I'm going to go out for dinner and hit a fun bar with people I love...not a house full of strangers. There's less clean-up this way.

I had a really nice midnight moment though. I'm loved and know that I have someone to take care of me, someone who calls me "my sick girl" and rubs of back when I'm having those especially rancid sick moments. Someone who was happy to be with me at midnight and was sorry for not being with me last year. That made everything temporarily all good.

And then I saw poor stroked-out Dick Clark. Ugh.

HAPPY 2007!!! Once the pipes repair (in my kitchen and in my chest), I have some high hopes.