Tuesday, November 28, 2006

For the moment, we're alone.

Holy shucked clams, I have a great group friends. I am one lucky bitch! Thanks to everyone that's been cool, Fonzie-style, over the weekend. Thanks to everyone who has been cool ever during my entire life...but especially over the weekend. Life is rough and some times you can't hold your head abover water without your crew. Your gang, if you will. They are like a really attractive and witty floatation device. Whenever I need someone to lean on, I've got a school of sharks to help a sistah out. So thanks to everyone. How many times can I say it? If I didn't have a horrific singing voice, you'd all get a healthy dose of "Lean On Me" right now! And by the way, I think you're all terribly h-o-t!

10 Things I Was Thankful For This Weekend!

I made my first turkey and it was a success!
I totally raped the HELL out of Netflix on Turkey Day!
I survived Target on the busiest shopping day of the year!
I bought a Christmas tree and ornaments!
I finished my living room artwork project!
I loved my DVR to death for days!
I had a sexy dinner with T-n-C and Switchblade at PF Chang's!
I grew ten feet of legs for the Pussyfoot photo shoot!
I had a Shark family reunion at Chuck's including Peeeeeete!
I, for once, got drafted all through the night!

So another holiday weekend has come to a close. I'm not going to say it was the most fantastic ever (even if it DID include retro issues of Penthouse for The Gray Ghost), but I know I should count my blessings. I'm not homeless or sick or lonely or unemployed or poverty stricken. I have friends and lots of shoes and expensive lip gloss and pink pots-n-pans and multiple episodes of Miami Ink and The Pussyfoot Girls. Life could be worse. It really could. How you handle the hardships in your life is a good measure of the kind of person you are. I'm a rocker. And I would like the following photgraphs slathered all over my funeral when I go to that great big townie bar in the sky:

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

No one here wants to fight me like you do.

Jimmie Johnson won the Nextel Cup. Bill's life is pretty much complete now. I drank way too many Blue Moons and have pretty much determined that Belgium wheat beer turns me into a monster. So no more of that and no more drinking on work nights and pretty much no more bad alcoholic behavior. Me + Bill + drunkeness = bad. Just plain bad. But all is currently good in our little bubble now that the alcohol is out of our systems. I think you need a good brawl every once in awhile (in a "blue moon", if you will) to clean out the pipes. Rid of the toxins. I couldn't have behaved too badly because I got a nice back rub this morning.

I ruined past last night. I live off noodles. How is this possible?

Turkey Day is right around the corner and for once, I'm looking forward to the big day! I'm not usually real huge on holidays unless it's my birthday or Halloween and I definitely piss on holidays where I don't get presents. But this year is different as I'm doing something I WANT to do rather than fulfilling some obligation. I'll miss seeing my parents and my sisters and their families for sure but it's not like I really get one-on-one time with them with having such a big family and all. BIg families can suck the life out of you, but I'm lucky. Don't get me wrong.

So...my big Turkey Day plans? Bill's taking care of the bird, I'm doing the rest, and I'm not getting out of my pajamas all day! Food, movies, football (for him...I'll catch up on magazines), napping...no work, no arguing, no responsibilities other than to be lazy bums and recover from the big show at Chuck's on Wednesday night (Lords, Yokels, Uncle Scratch, and the return of PEEEEEEEEEEETE!). PLUS...for the first time ever...no work on Friday! A nice, long, lazy weekend! And if you want to show me how thankful you are for my presence in your life, why not come over Saturday night to play Left Right Center and eat pizza and drink beer with me and Switchblade?! I think you should. He thinks so, too.

I watched an octopus eat a shark and I didn't appreciate it.

Friday, November 17, 2006

I'm torn between the things that I should do.

God bless America, my television is back on! That new fangled internet, too! In fact, all of my important bills are caught up and a great weight has been lifted! I'll take care of my credit cards (the devil, I tell you) with my paycheck and send off the refund check to make things square with one of my nearest and dearest and then things are good. Real good. Damn good. I feel some sweet relief and I like it! It's like taking a bath in cheese fondue. Yum-o! But thruthfully, it's hard to admit you've sunk so low that your cable got turned off or the gas company asked for a deposit but things are good now and they're going to stay way. Damn skippy!

I had a nice little visitor yesterday in the form of one Phoebe Bean! I knew she was coming by to pick up mail and shoes and gaze upon my beauty. What I didn't know was that she was coming baring gifts! I love gifts. Love 'em. Especially when they're unexpected because I don't deal well with surprises. She brought me a 6 pack of Blue Moon and a lovely orange and she even brough a bag of kitty food for Dr. Nightmare with a bow on it. How sweet was that? Totally sweet, like ninjas. So thanks, Phoebe. I really needed that like you wouldn't believe. And Sylvia the Peg Leg thanks you, too! Come play with us again when we have more time and tell me AS SOON as you watch the episode of GG where Lane gets married! Weeeeeeee!

Here's my weekend schedule in case you're worried I'm in a horrid coma:

I'm having a vegetable day today. It's so rainy and nasty out that I can't think of anything better to do than put on my pajamas, chow, and watch movies with Puffin. Don't get me wrong, I do like the rain...because I LIKE being in my jammies, chowing, watching flicks...especially with Puffin! And we have some really terrible new releases to fall asleep to tonight.

Tomorrow, Dr. Nightmare goes back to the vet and hopefully gets the boot off for good and I get nothing but good, encouraging news. And then it's cleaning time! I got so much accomplished last weekend that I feel the need to keep on trucking before my closet renovation begins! A bigger closet...va-va-voom!

And then of course, Sunday is the last NASCAR race. I have Stewart and Kenseth in the pool but I'll be all decked out in Jimmie gear per a certain someone's request. Supposedly, I'm somewhat lucky...or my head is (that could sound dirty). And somewhere in my weekend schedule, I need to fit in The Girls Next Door season 1. What can I say? I'm hooked on Hef and his blonde broads. Why do you think I gave Bill th enickname Puffin? I am sooooo getting soft in my late twenties!

Life is good and I don't care if loving all y'all makes me a hippie!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Can't believe these people live like kings.

10 Things That Blow Goats Without Physically Blowing Them

1. I am currently without cable or internet at home.
2. I got into a stupid fight with Bill last night.
3. My money situation is way dumb.
4. Dr. Nightmare is injured and it's my fault.
5. Lorelai married Christopher and I hate him.
6. I don't think my dishwasher is working.
7. Something is thumping under my new car.
8. I miss Becky...and Phoebe...and Johnny...and pals.
9. A little kid I actually like is sick. Boo.
10. I can't stop throwing up.

10 Things That Couldn't Be Any More K-Rad At The Moment

1. Bill got my the Playboy with the girlfriends on the cover!
2. We're having White Trash Thanksgiving.
3. My house is on it's way to being clean and looking GOOD!
4. NASCAR party this weekend.
5. 115 days until our vacation and 1 year anniversary.
6. Actually looking forward to Christmas.
7. I'm losing lots of weight and loving it!
8. I have a fondue date next week with Sharon D.
9. A relatively tuff guy let's me call him "Puffin".
10. Grey's Anatomy tomorrow looks awesome!!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I don't want to forget how your voice sounds.

Pussyfoot Girls at Chuck's Steakhouse in Akron tonight. Don't know who we're playing with and don't how much it costs. I do know that we're first and I do know the night starts a-rockin'at 10:00p. And I also hope they pay me in steaks. I'm not sure how the other girls will feel about that but it will suit me just fine. I'd like to wear a bikini out of steaks but I'll have to settle for wearing my new plaid skirt. I don't want wild dogs chasing after me, after all. Though the skirt my illicit the same response. There's only one wild dog I want chasing after me! Drat! My plan has been foiled!

Long story short (too late!), Chuck's Steakhouse tonight. Be there in your underwear.

What did I do this weekend, you may ask? Ummmmm...good question. Days off seem to blend together as of late. I know I showered. That sort of sticks out. Ah...I went out for cocktails for my gentleman caller. It was a pretty rockin' time. We followed that up with pizza, more beer, and Yahtzee before we retired for the evening. I like to retire. I especially like retiring after winning 2 Yahtzee games in a row. I want to be as good at Yahtzee as I am at Uno. Some people choose to call me a "fucker" while we play since I'm so darn good! Don't be jealous.

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! No, not monster trucks! I thought I'd be participating in a Pussyfoot photo shoot but that got the axe when Carol felt like someone was using her head as a bowling ball. Instead, I put on Jimmie Johnson pajama pants and a Jimmie Johnson hat and watched him get beat my Tony Stewart in Texas. I wasn't in Texas. They were. It was a good race since Kasey Kahne went down in flames. Not real flames. I'm probably just confusing you and I doubt you care about the race. You might care about the fact that I never got off the couch and was served dinner and beer all evening. But you might be jealous that I was such a pampered pooch!

I love weekends. I'm glad we get to have one all over again starting tomorrow!

However, I hate unwarranted cable disconnections. I'll have no access to e-mail, My Space, blogs, my Netlix queue, nudie pics, my bank account, life-giving TELEVISION...nothing...until next week when they come to hook me back up. Selfish jerks, separating a gal from her true loves. Any way, if you don't hear from me, I'm not MIA. I'm just communiaction challenged for the time being. VIVA!

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Don't break the silence. Don't let me win.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my father who gave me my name, first and last, always helps me out of horrific and microscopic jams without thinking twice,who doesn't think any less of me when I make mistakes, and who is genuinely interested in everything I do. Thanks for being my Dad. I'm a pretty lucky gal.

I had a 2 hours phone conversation last night that kept me up past midnight when I had to be up for work at 5:00a. It's been a long time since I had a phone call like that. Probably since high school. My catch-up calls to the Queen in Columbus don't even last that long (I miss you Becky). But it was pretty awesome. Lots of laughs. Made my heart feel good.

Feast your eyes on this true story and then get your tubes tied.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
"They will in a minute."

I'll eventually post the rest of October's entries. They're hanging out on my hard drive, rotting and detesting me, just like my readers. I just figured I'd give you something new to read and loathe. There are great tales of the Pussyfoot show and then putrid tales of Halloween that I will probably edit to save my pride. Regardless, things are good right now, the New Years Eve party is in motion...life is good.

Have a very rock-n-roll weekend, y'all!