Thinking the point was keep what's mine for me.

Note THIS and note it NOW:

1. When we go to NYC, Coney Island will be open for the season! I've wanted to go to Coney Island my entire life. Sure, I may not be able to ride their rickety, creeptastic carnival-style rides in my preggo state-of-being, but there's NOTHING that says I can't run away with the world-famous Side Show! Take any freak show talent...sword swallowing, fire breathing, and so on...and have it done by a pregnant girl? You got GOLD right there!

2. I think I'll be wrapping up my little Babymoon getaway by seeing my girlfriend herself, Lady Gaga in Cleveland once again, but this time with my wife, the lovely Phoebe. Still working on getting tickets that are in the right place for the right price. Hopefully we can secure those today. I was told Spencer would come out weird and webbed-toed if I watched anymore Glee (it was an ACCIDENT and I only watched 5 horrific minutes) but I am certain he'll come out weird and webbed-toed after the glory that is Gaga.

And now some random blather to wrap your minds around:

A) Is Luthor Vandross dead or did he just stroke out a bunch of times? This is going to bother me and I could probably just Google it...but I won't. So if you know, tell me. What is the physical state of Luthor Vandross.

B) Todd told me that all the excess whistling at the end of "Sitting On The Dock of the Bay" was just filler because Otis Redding had died before it was finished. I HATE whistling, I HATE that song and now, I hate YOU, Otis Redding.

C) Todd also thinks that Roy Orbison is a jerk, which I don't understand. We were listening to the Malt Shop Oldies channel and some song came on and he said, "Uuuuuuuugh, is this that JERK?!". Say whaaaaaat?

D) I think Melt is overrated. I've been there a handful of times and yeah, I've had fun (and I thought about getting a sandwich tattoo but only because I like ham sandwiches) but I don't understand why everyone drenches their panties over it they way they do. Sorry, Cleveland. I probably just made some major enemies.

E) How much make-up do you think I could scrape off Gwen Stefani's face? I'm thinking a lot. I'm going to be sure to wash her face clean before I punch it. She is on my list, after all. Make sure your face is clean now. Can't have no dirty dead.

F) I love you, Mariska Hargitay.

G) They are installing a 15-ton capacity crane at my work and they are installing it WITH a crane. I am totally fascinated by this thing. I wish I could describe it because, yeah, it's a big crane. But it's a BIG CRANE and I will be able to see if every day from my office. I named it Calibos (from the Harry Hamlin "Clash Of The Titans"...not that remake bullshit) because Conrad was rejected. I love the crane. It's fascinating my brain.

H) I need some new blogs to read. It's my morning ritual. Some people read the paper, I read blogs. And lots of my favorites blog few and far-between or have stopped altogether. So spill it. I don't need anything dramatic or poetic, just entertaining. Help a sistah out.

And with that...

Don't get hot-n-bothered. Listen, I know I got problems. I also know just what this goofy world needs.

EDIT: New Bomb Turks at the Beachland June 11th. BE THERE!!!

Charlie Sheen, you're a fucking idiot and somehow, you'll become a hero to jackass men everywhere. You're a total junkie/alocholic, your career is circling the drain and no one will ever be able to insure you, the cops just came and took your sons away, and somehow, you're still better than me. Emilio Estevez should've been the star of your family. Ducks! Fly! Together!

Yesterday was a shit show. Just all around gross from the time I rolled out of bed until the time I rolled back into bed. I was trapped in stress shackles and basically barfed stress all over Tessa at a post-work, impromptu dinner. And then almost barfed my dinner. I need a temporary coma and a remedy to Round Ligament Pain that doesn't involve water as water is the devil in my world!

Check-up tomorrow. Hopefully hearing the little monster's heartbeat again will set things straight. And I know getting to schedule our ultrasound will be a healthy dose of excitement. And if I'm still wearing crabby pants after all that, I have 3 paintings I really want to do and brand spanking new supplies to do them with...maybe I'll just bury myself in art. Art or blankets, I'll be buried under one of the two.

Welcome to your life. There's no turning back.

Let's add Miley Cyrus and Kesha to the list of people I want to punch. Thanks.

Now on a less violent note...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, Y'ALL!

I like Valentine's Day. I'm not one of those people who drones on and on about how stupid it is and how they can't wait for it to be over. I like the pink and red and the cookies and flowers and silly cards and bad stuffed animals. Even when I haven't been in a relationship, I've liked the concept and always had a friend as a Valentine. Sure, you don't (and shouldn't) NEED a day to tell the people you care about how you feel. but it's still nice to hear. And nice is nice.

I slaved away on my day off making Todd cookies and brownies and got him a card letting him know that if we were in prison, I'd totally shiv someone on his behalf, which is true. It felt good just to go the extra mile to let him know I think he's aces. He took me to see an impromptu movie (we NEVER see comedies in the theater so it was a TREAT) and we watched Futurama in bed afterwards. It was just what Valentine's Day (even if we celebrated a day early) should be. Lowkey yet awesome. Lots of hand holding.

So Happy Valentine's Day, y'all. If I happen to hate you, you get a free pass today. Take advantage of it. This kind of generosity only comes once a year. If I happen to LURVE you, then I hope you have a down right great day. And to my other Valentine, Lady Gaga, I really can not wait to go home and watch your nasty self hatch out of an egg. I love you more and more every day!



You're there sucking on a lollipop like you haven't aged a day!

As of yesterday, I am 32 and I feel pretty good about it.

I am a big fan of my birthday. Always have been. This year, my birthday has been kind of low-key. Probably the first year in a decade that the celebration won't involve jello shots and live bands, and that's alright. There's still been plenty of worth-while recognition of the big 3-2.

Tessa took me to Olive Garden Friday night where we gabbed and stuffed.

My family birthday party was Saturday but it was kind of mucked up due to snow and one of my sisters and her family had to miss out. Bummer. I got a super cool baby book that is all about birthdays which I'm psyched about and a stuffed Lowly Worm! I was told it's for the monster but we'll see about that. My parents gave me  a super soft baby blanket and The Complete Idiot's Guide to Teaching a Baby Sign Language - I collect Idiot's Guides AND I took American Sign Language In College. And I pocketed some cash...

...which I spent every last dime of the next morning! I got a Finn t-shirt, new royal blue (or maybe aqua) Converse, Top Chef DC, socks, drawers, and a few roomier t-shirts and old man cardigans for my expanding guts! SCORE!

Yesterday, on my actual birthday, I woke up to cinnamon rolls and a card from my husband and stepson. It was sweet but I felt off all day. People wished me Happy Birthday at work and I got a gazillion Facebook messages (nothing means anything if it's not on Facebook) but it just felt like...Monday. I guess I had the birthday blues. I came home to an empty house and put myself to bed with a headache.

I awoke to the Jaws theme as a GIANT stuffed shark was swimming towards me. It was a Pillow Pet! Yep, I'm a 32 year old pregnant woman who got a pillow pet for my birthday.  Todd said since (due to his new work schedule) he'll be coming to bed after I'm asleep, I needed a substitute snuggler. Enter shark Pillow Pet. I bet he didn't bank on me snuggling it all night and totally ignoring him. I couldn't help it. So sofffffffft. So comforting. My husband loves me.

He also got me DC Villian skate shoes which I LOVE! Bright blue is my new thang.

Tonight, we're going to my favorite restaurant,  Benihana, to rock the chopsticks with Tom, Carol and Ben, which I am SO looking forward to. For some reason, I bawled the entire way to work...no more Florence and the Machine until this baby is born! The remedy for musically induced sobs is good food with good friends. It's a mighty fine was to wrap up a lowkey birthday, if I do say so myself.

Off topic but NOT off topic...R.I.P. Tura Satana. Sorry, but you're just another cool person to fall victim to the wrath of my birthday. Horrible things tend to happen mere days before February 7th rolls around...Big Bopper, Richie Valens & Buddy Holly's plane crashes, The Beatles release "Hey Jude", Patty Hearst was kidnapped, Sid Viscious OD'd, Falco got hit by a bus (we'll never hear "Rock Me, Amedeus" again), Lux Interior croaked, and now, Tura has met her demise. It's a curse.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

All this time, how could you not know, baby?

It's February. The month of LOVE. So I'm going to rant about some things that I hate because I LOVE to do that. But before I go getting all nutso about things that really don't matter in the long run, I want to say this...which goes along with February's feeling of love in a more loving way:

THIS HAS BEEN EDITED. JUST  THE BASICS.

3 of my nephew's friends were in a horrific car crash on Monday night and things are not looking good for the two young passengers. You may have seem it on the news. Despite the circumstances and despite people's nasty opinions, I hope they all make it. 15 is too young to die from head injuries cause by a car crash that didn't need to happen. They haven't even lived yet.

NOW...it's time for ME to be negative!!!

Kat Von D, I hate you and your ugly face. I hate the way you talk, the things you say, the way you dress. I admit, you've got INSANE talent. But I also think you're insane. And the more I read about you, the more I'm embarrassed that I ever watched your show. Blech.

And this is going to sound super juvenile and ridiculous and like something that shouldn't even be commented on. But I recently saw the pictures from W Magazine that Kim Kardashian is going all bananas about...and yeah, Kim Kardashian's ass is DISGUSTING. I never thought twice about it when it was clothed because, hey, I have a big ass and I like it. I like curves. I don't want to look like a little boy. But her naked ass? REPULSIVE. I actually covered my eyes and had to look through my fingers. Blech.

I hate radio country. A LOT. Especially "Red Neck Woman" type stuff. Blech.

I guess that's all I've got. Needed to spew a little hate so you didn't think I was getting wishy washy on you! And OH, incase you don't read 1313 Mockingbird Lane, welcome to the world Vincent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!