Thursday, September 30, 2010

Oh oh, I want some more. Oh oh, what are you waiting for?

DONE! Viva la Zombie Geisha!

(ignore my silly little footie)

But in sad news, all my thoughts go out to Stephanie and her family. I'm super sorry for the loss of your mom and if there's anything I can do, I'm here for you. I wish I had some words of wisdom for this situation but I don't so...I'll just send a cyber-hug your way.


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I will try and shake away this disease.

Before I ramble, please come visit Castle Grayskull before it snows!

We got a Wii Fit Plus last night. I have a crush on it. Big time.

I hula hooped, I jogged (!!!), I did step aerobics, and I can FEEL IT today. From a flipping video game exercise! The runt gave it a whirl and skied, skateboarded, walked the tight rope and had a sweaty brow when he was done.

Todd and I set goals to meet by the end of the year and I see zero problem in achieving them because I can't WAIT to work out again! I'm serious. It has yoga and strength training (eff you, planks...eff you right to Hell) and all that jive but the aerobics and balance things are so f-f-f-f-fun. That will keep us on track.

When I work out, I need results I can see. I need to know what I do is working. This shows me how much I weigh, what my BMI is (I'm normal), how many calories I've burned, how many minutes I've worked out. It keep track of my goal and tells me if I'm losing enough per week to meet it. These are the things I need. This is what motivates me.

Maybe it sounds silly but different things work for different people and I know this is going to work for me. I don't mind working out but I DO mind getting bored. In this situation, I have so much variety (and a little Mii, with glasses and a ponytail to watch) that it should be a breeze.

And all of this can only help me in terms of trying to breed and trying not to let chronic illnesses bog me down. Exercise is essential, especially since I refuse to give up ice-cream and pasta.  And I want ZERO winter weight this year...unless I'm growing a human being.

Happy Hump Day!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I remember when you said if I ever I should need a friend, it's you.

"Make yourself live, create, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it" - a snippet I stole from Windy's super charming blog, Juste Venteux. She is awesome, just like this quote. I am applying it to all areas of my life. Actually, I think I always have. Consider this is a reaffirmation.

I don't want to dive deep into yesterday's appointment but I will say this:

1. There is a plan and we feel really solid about it.
2. I have awesome friends who listen to me when I blather.

Backing up to the reaffirmation that I live somewhat passionately, as corny as that sounds, I have also discovered that in my life, I have been brave.  I've also been a complete basketcase, but when it's counted, I've been brave. That's pretty rad. It's dwindled a little since youth but I can still feel it lingering. I've got a little bit of the hero boy named Finn in my guts.

Now that the philosophical introspection is over...

This weekend is my family's bi-annual Halloween Campout and my little family of 3 is ppppumped! My aunt and uncle live on a farm and every other year, we set up tents waaaay on the back of their property, past barns, a pond, and up a hill. All the delicious chow is prepped over the fire and we fish, carve pumpkins, and...the best of all...walk through the Haunted Forest. My uncle REALLLLLY does it up. The kids go on scavenger hunts and on hayrides and all that jazz. We sit fireside with hot chocolate and cider and hang with a bunch of cool people.

It may sound cheeseball to you, but I love fall and fall festivities. I love the colors and the smells and the food and everything that goes with it. Pumpkins and pies and bonfires and Halloween. Scarves, hoodies, getting snuggly at night. All that stuff makes my world right. And the two dudes in my life are really looking forward to it which makes the whole thing that much more awesome!

So right now, all is right with the world.

Besides the fact that we have a costume wedding coming up and zero ideas : (

Oh!  I forgot to mention that I get to go see Karl tomorrow to finally finish the zombie geisha wedding tattoo! I love it so much and am mega antsy for it to be tomorrow afternoon already! YEEHAW!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Well it isn't a problem. Nothing we can't solve so just relax.

I hate the term "lover". I hate when people refer to the people they have sex with as their "lovers". We're not in France, people. We're not in any European country. "Lover" is unacceptable here. Just call it like it is.

I'm not in the most cute-n-fuzzy mood this morning. Having a doctor's appointment can do that to you. Especially one where you're going to get poked and prodded in your nether regions. Sounds like fun but not in this case. Rats.

I got to meet and hold baby Olivia this weekend so my Baby Fever is up a few degrees. She is pure Heaven, I tell you what. Nothing in this world (short of kitten breath) is better than baby fingers and toes. So cute and so creepy. And I could've just eaten her face. Perfection. Anyway, both Todd and I are smitten with Olivia. When I held her, she held my boob, so I know we're friends for life.

Ben is leaving for Thailand next Wednesday so we went to his Bon Voyage shindig on Saturday with Switchblade. It was fun to see some of the series regulars and sit bonfire-side, shooting the breeze. I need more of that in my life. Stephanie looks god damn awesome and I can only hope I look a fraction as good as she does when I become a host. I'm with Ben..."lovely" is the best descriptor.

And for the record, his new nickname is "The Drink" and not "The Drake", despite what he might want you to believe. And even if he won the right to be called "Texas Ben" in a beer chugging/pie in the face contest, he'll always be Uncle Benjamima to me. And Texas Pete will always be Texas Pete.

Simple as that.

And congrats to Joey and Jackie who recently got engaged. All these Ol' Kentucky Babies and Weddings, I can't believe it. I guess we're all growing up. But don't let that fool you...we're still unbelieveably awesome. We just have awesome spouses and spawn now!

Thursday, September 23, 2010


Since we have internet at home, I finally got to update...


We're caught up to August 21st but there are more pics to come. So go there and check out our weird world. And follow if you're not already. Because there have been and will be some shenanigans that you don't want to miss!


Me & Him

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I'm not the hero I could be but not the dog I was.


The Holden Arboretum is accepting applications for 20 artists to paint 5' tall garden gnomes for a project similar to the Rock Hall's Guitarmania. I REALLY want to get in on this project. I know there's a slim chance in Hell I'll get selected because there are so many rad local artists who are far superior (artistically) and slightly radder (personally) than I am. But I'm going to try.  When I really want something, I fight tooth-n-nail for it leaving sweat on the sheets and puddles of blood on the streets!

Each artist can submit up to 3 designs with their applications. I know I want to do something Day Of The Dead inspired for sure because it's colorful and it's me. And POSSIBLY something Cleveland inspired (thanks for the idea, Tessa). Maybe turn the little dude into a geisha girl...if that's even possible, I may be thinking to abstractly. Anyway, I'd like to pick your brains for some other cool/funny ideas. I've got a creative bunch of friend and acquaintances out there. And I want my gnome at the Arboretum, dammit!

I hope I can count on your support and encouragement.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Would you ever show or tell? Cause you're so good so far.

"Im putting the hd box in our room today.  N ill gather stix n twigs n leaves feathers etc n make u a nest". - Todd, who claims he isn't totally annoyed with having a sick wife, which I hope is true.

He must really be worried about me because he's actually encouraging me to let both my body-n-brain rot in bed with all those horrible shows I tape which includes, but it not limited to, last night's Adventure Time with Finn & Jake, 28 episodes of No Reservations and a Top Chef D.C. marathon.

A study is saying that eating 1 serving of fatty dairy foods a day can help decrease 1 certain type of infertility or something like that. I think Todd is under the impression that I am funding this particular study. What can I say?  Ice cream is awesome.


If I could pull this off, would I know for certain the real situation behind the curtain?

Who wants to play doctor??

So we all know that I have a chronic condition that constantly karate chops my immune system to shreds. My immune system is a weakling that gets sand kicked in his face. We also know that previously mentioned condition has caused me to have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which is constantly engaged in a bloody, gut-spilling war with my current insomnia. This much we know.

We also know that outside of a cocktail of vitamins and mineral, low stress levels and adequate sleep (which are impossible to achieve), and a $660 per month medication that MAY or may NOT help SOME people SOMETIMES with the Chronic Fatigue (but not at all with the actual condition) and is not covered by insurance, there is nothing anyone in the medical field can do for me. Yes. This we know as well.

What we DON'T know is what the Hell is going on with me now.

For a week now, I've felt like dirt. Nothing fancy. Just dirt. Since my body and I have been hating each other for 31 years, I've gotten pretty good at diagnosing my own troubles. Earlier in the week, it was a sinus infection. Later, it seemed like the flu. But now...I'm clueless. So I'm putting it out there for debate.

I've felt hungover since Sunday morning. Sure, we had cocktails during Anniversary Weekend, but I'm not a frat guy anymore so I wasn't hungover. That feeling has hung on though and it's still kicking my can. It's like a combo of feeling hungover AND drunk simultaneously. And I've had a 102 fever since yesterday afternoon. Could explain why I feel like heat is pouring off the top of my head like cartoon vapors and the head itself  might detach and float away like a balloon. From the neck down, I'm frozen, penguin-style.

Besides a toasty internal temp and overall "weird" feeling, I guess I'd classify myself as ALRIGHT. I have an appetite, I felt decent enough to cook and eat dinner last night (and it was steak so I wasn't effing around), but it feels like I'm doing everything with a buzz on! Or it feels like I'm pushing through a hangover! And that's just not the case. My interest in boozin' and prankin' is minimal at best. So what is going on with me??? Why have I felt like my head's been in a keg for the last week??

And let me stress, this truly has nothing to do with drinking and alcohol and all that. I just want YOU to know that I know the difference between being ill and being drunk/hungover. Those are just the best ways I can describe how I'm feeling. Cause we've allll (besides maybe you, Erin, but you can imagine Josh with his head out the window yelling about Heath Ledger and how he probably felt the next morning) been there. Am I right?

And a 102 temp can't be good.

Maybe I'm not even functioning right now! Maybe I'm in a coma!

I'm gonna eat some Sno-Caps and marinate about this for awhile. But before I do, I just want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my little Mamacita in Korea! I wish I could deliver myself there in a cake for you but I bet customs would have all kinds of problems with that. I hope you have a fan-flipping-tastic day! xoxoxo

And in not sick-stuff news, I got a sweet anniversary card. Love that guy.

Monday, September 20, 2010

I don't care what they say about us anyway. I don't care about that!

Nothing says "1st Anniversary" like a man shoving his fingers down his throat in the broad daylight on a downtown sidewalk! Welcome to Cleveland, everybody.

Besides that horror, our weekend was a smashing success.

Since we never hang downtown, it was like being away on vacation. We went to the Bodies exhibit which, while super awesome, wasn't worth the price. I think we saw everything in about an hour but  hey, it was something different to do. And I scored a Giant Microbe for my collection (Swine Flu) from the gift shop. SCORE!

I've taken Anatomy and Physiology (aced it, in fact) but seeing all this stuff up close and personal was a little spine chilling. The fetal developement section was rad, the digestive tract and cross sections of genitals I probably could've done without. And who knew the liver was so ginormous??

Speaking of liver, I'm on the wagon for awhile. I need a change. Moving on...

We went to the 4th St. Grill/Corner Alley and had lunch and cocktails. I am DYING to bowl there but who has $35 an hour for shenanigans like that? I couldn't even justify that on Anniversary Weekend. We checked into the hotel and parked it on the king sized bed to watch "Get Him To The Greek" and just be together. After that we hit the bar for complimentary cocktails and then hoofed it to Chocolate Bar.

When we walked up there was a flood of people with footballs and hats and all kinds of security. Why? Because the Browns stay at The Arcade where the Chocolate Bar is. While I sat on patio, Todd got pictures of EVERYBODY (besides Josh Cribbs). He kept coming back to check on me but I was cool with it because he was so pumped. I loved seeing him so happy. Some people had been waiting there for hours and we just waltzed up and scored.

After drinks (hello, Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup martini), dinner, and dessert (A-MAZ-ING), another SVU rolls up and Todd jokes that it's probably Cribbs...and it was. He scooted over and snapped some photos. And awhile later when he reappeared, me and my martini breath stole a pile of napkins and a pen and got his autograph for my guy. Josh Cribbs likes my tattoos and congratulated me on 1 year of marriage as he's been married for 8. I think it made Todd's whole night. The fact that Poltergeist was on TV when we went to bed made mine.

We skipped breakfast to soak up more hours in that bed. I swear it was made out of marshmallows and kittens and Heaven. If I could have fit the bed in our bag, I would have stolen it even though I'm anti-theivery. I need to return the pen to Chocolate Bar. We took our fishbowl heads to Winking Lizard for the 1st half of the game and decided home would be an awesome place to be.

I napped on Todd for the 2nd half of the game and then we ate our wedding cake, per tradition. It was a nice way to wrap things up. He offered to go get takeout Macaroni Grill for me but I didn't need it. My weekend was awesome. We got tons of texts, calls, Facebook messages from our friends and family telling us that they loved us and can't believe it's been a year. I can't either.


9/19/09, a year ago, we got married downtown.  I had a mimosa with Phoebe at breakfast. Ohio State was playing and traffic was horrible. It was the 1st time my dad saw Todd's hair up. Bob & Stephanie were the last faces I saw before I walked down the aisle. I didn't cry. Todd almost did. Little Jen was the 1st person to call me Mrs. Gansert. I got great hugs from John Jackson and Erin when we left the church. Todd and I had "a moment" alone where he told me I looked beautiful. Todd and I were the 1st people in the photobooth. We were introduced to the Munster's theme song. At the reception, the 1st song that played was "Livin' Thing" by E.L.O. Phoebe bustled my dress. I traded heels for flip flops. We had a specialty drink made with Bubble Gum vodka. Sugar was the person I saw the most through the evening. I finally met Brian in person. Carol helped me with my dress in the bathroom. I was drinking Jameson & ginger ale. Todd and I danced to "Sleepwalk". People really got into the disco. Roni (my nephew's girlfriend) caught the bouquet. We cut a strawberry cupcake with a switchblade. My nephew and bro-in-law were the drunkest people there. The last song that played was "$100 Hangover". The last person I saw before going to the hotel was Lisa. We drove the Gray Ghost which was full of friends. A drunk OSU fan told me I looked hot. Tom held everyone back from getting in the elevator so Todd & I could be alone. The people in the room next to ours were at the wedding AFTER ours. We opened cards and presents. We went to bed husband and wife.

So here's to 1 year and as many more as my body holds out for.

I love you, Todd. Happy Anniversary.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Stand up and face the enemy! It's a do or die situation.


Todd and I hung out with Karl for a few hours last night and I'm happy to say that after one more session, the zombie geisha on my shin that looks eeriely like Little Jen will be finished! Then we can move on to my dreeeeeam tattoo (covering up some garbage on my lower back that I thought was super cool one the day I turned 18) of cakes and pies and milshakes and cookies! But as for the is officially my favorite. One Hell of a wedding gift! Thanks Karl!

But in less peppy news...I'm stuck in Sick City again. Todd thinks getting my leg worked on let my defenses down and the illness crept in. But now, instead of pesky a sinus infection, it feels like the flu. I always know I'm getting the flu because my neck starts to hurt in a very specific way. But I've been told to fight it! And fight it I will because Anniversary Weekend is right around the corner and we've been looking forward to it. So...


*kidney punch*

*groin stab*

Our anniversary plans got altered slightly but I'm just as pumped as I was before. We still have two days jam-packed with awesomeness. And jam-packed with wedding cake! I'm not sure how that tradition started but our cake has been in the freezer since 9-19-09 and I'm not going to break tradition. They say the first 2 years of a marriage are the toughest and we've made it half way without going full-out ninja on each other! GO US!

Now...I'm going to lay my head on my desk and whimper. FU, flu.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Nodoby knows where they might wake up. Nobody knows.

Things are looking up.

Just be sure to look your best. We will surely make the covers.

Balls. Dog balls.

First off, what nerve Google has by suddenly spell-checking what we search for. I don't need Google to be added to the list of things that remind me that I cannot spell. I appreciated the fact that no matter how badly I butchered a word, Google politely said, "Did you mean this?". Now it's throwing jaggedy red lines in my face. Jerks.

Speaking of butchering...

After bailing early on work do to the sinus infection from HELL  or beyond (which left me rotting in my bed all day), I fell in my own driveway and landed smack on my left hand which is now a lovely shade of black. So I had to baby my hand/wrist/arm, my head, and my brain. Yesterday can eat dirt. In the words of Carol The Shoe, "2010 can FUCK OFF!!!! Jezus, enough!!! I wish it had junk so I could kick it there". She used the word 'junk' so you know she's serious.

At least the latest Gray's Anatomy comes out on DVD today because I need something awesome to happen. It's only Tuesday so it's totally possible for the week to go downhill and for my head to actually detacth from my neck.  I'm hoping Tuesday takes a turn for the better. At least it's almost Anniversary Weekend and all I'll have to think about is a comfy hotel bed, room service, and shutting off my brain (with the help of cocktails served in chocolate cups).

Read THIS!!!  For real, save the damn sharks. These dudes chose to hang out in the shark's territory. They put themselves at risk. I remember awhile back when some dude or broad got their arm ripped off by a shark and people wanted to find the shark and kill it. WTF? If a shark came into your living room, into YOUR territory, you'd defend yourself! These people were in the shark's living room. Leave them alone!

Also, and this is NOT a statement about vegans or vegetarians or anything like that, but are the P.E.T.A. people ever happy? I never read any articles about how they're pumped or having good days or about how kittens are cute.  Every article I read is about what they're pissed about now. Come on and get happy, P.E.T.A.

No comment on the Lady Gaga meat dress.

And not because I've previously threatened to wear a bacon bikini.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant.


Sometimes you wake up and think, "It's just going to be another day". But it's not another day.  The day surprises you like bring hit in the face by a flying fish! Unless you're at a fish market, that would be fairly shocking, I would think. Where did the fish come from? Who is responsible for throwing this wayward fish? How am I going to get this fishy smell off my mug??

But I digress.

I got an e-mail from my mom that simply read "Today will be a 5 star day".

What's sort of sucko is how odd it feels to feel so super pumped. This should be how I feel EVERY FLIPPING DAY. It's not like I've been totally down in the dumps and listening to cry-baby music and reading The Bell Jar or anything. I've been having totally decent and memorable, fun-filled and low-key days. But today has just been awesome like WHOA! I like how awesome like WHOA! feels. I need to feel it more often.

I see a pair of Classic Cardy Uggs and Japanese food in my future.

Now that my heart rate has lowered and I'm feeling a little less manic, I can focus. I feel like I need to appreciate the super awesome days so days like yesterday seem far less craptastic. And it seems like it was stressful and craptastic mixed with a little bit of bananas for a lot of people. I'm glad Wednesday is over and has been replaced by this totally rad Thursday. I'm not even that distraught over the fact that Kelly from Top Chef had to pack her knives and go (sniff).


Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Doin' anything you like and takin' it easy is all you ever need to do.

Hey long were super awesome and I love you.


I got some rad news at work so I was in a good mood, despite burying my grandma the day before. It was good to have a distraction. At night, I met Johnny at Boardwalk Bar and despite his Nikes, Indians shirt, and mega-short corporate haircut...he was still Switchblade which was good to know. 

We had a few drinks, declared their jukebox "awesome", and went to see the Breeders. He was double fisting Black Labels and I was as giddy as a teenager. Highlights: Saints, Divine Hammer, Bang On, Tipp City, Pacer, Cannonball, seeing an old bestie...and when Kelly Deal couldn't BELIEVE I would take her picture after she FORGOT to plug in her GUITAR for the LEAD! Forgetting to plug in your guitar doesn't make me love you any less, you hot mess.


Friday, I woke up with a raging sore throat, a fever, and a generally bad disposition. I didn't want to spend my entire day off in bed...but I did.  I watched some Grey's Anatomy and napped on and off. I didn't make it out to see The Dancin' Outlaw or the Lords show. I heard Jesco White was ridiculous and not in a good way. I'm glad I saved the 15 bucks. But I'm sad I missed the Lords 20th. I've been a super fan for years but illness trumps rockin' out these days. I DO need to make it a point to see Wolfboy Slim. I hear he's rad and very Hasil Atkins-esque. Bottom line, Friday = wash.


The day is a blur but the night is crystal. I went to the benefit for Brother Ed solo and though lung cancer is beyond sucko, seeing my friends was just what I needed. I have the coolest friends. No one can tell me otherwise. And if you try, I'll punch you in the brain.

I had successfully avoided seeing Madison Crawl for many years. They're good at what they do but aren't for me. Background noise. It was a pleasant surprise to get to see the Lords though. And the Horror of 59 reunion was probably the best set I've ever seen them do. Rad. Cult of the Psychic Fetus? Mind blowing per usual, and I'm not just saying that since Alex Murder has decided we're twins without common parents. That makes it creepy. Creepy makes it awesome.

And speaking of Alex Murder, he did a great job in helping organize the whole event. Word on the street is that $7000 was raised to help out Brother Ed and his family.  Money doesn't cure cancer but it sure helps. It was good to see him at the show. And if I didn't know he had lung cancer, I would know he had lung cancer. He's totally committed to kicking cancer and the Devil in the balls and everyone who was there is behind him.


Sunday, Todd and I had the day to ourselves and we made the most of it. It was one of those unplanned, spur of the moment, fly by the seat of your pants kind of days. We hit Winking Lizard for lunch on the patio and plenty of chit-chat and then decided to see "Machete".  We had time to kill so we hit happy hour where I discovered Pinnacle Whipped. Yep,  "Immitation Whipped Cream flavored Vodka". Yowza. The movie was everything I could have asked for, best flick I've seen since "Inglorious Basterds". We decided to go BACK to happy hour afterwards and had a low-key blast while the race was on. None of the day was planned but it was all aces. Home. Bed. Done.


Labor Day means grilling out. Period. Which we did with my family at my sister's house. Again, low-key and cool. At home, we polished off our day watching our My Name Is Earl boxsets from the beginning and playing Rummy and Yahtzee on our living room floor with the dogs. That's how a week day holiday should be. The epitomy of CHILL.

I hope the week learns a thing or two from the weekend and stays cool.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Forces pulling from the center of the earth again.

I just booked our hotel for anniversary weekend. Mathmatical!

Bob and Stephanie are having a boy! I'm getting pretty good at calling these things. A little flash goes off in my brain that screams PENIS!  I don't even need to see the ultrasound. I just know. I should start charging for my services.

So...R.I.P. Grandma. You were one Hell of a lady.

Yesterday was the funeral and it was both sad and joyous, a celebration of 87 years. I've got a pretty rad (and gigantic) family. And I've got the world's best husband. He came through at every moment I needed him to. It was good to have his hand to hold.

It was hard to see everyone crying. Excruciatingly painful. Eventually my emotions rolled out of my eye sockets which is good...because I was tired of eating them. My digestive track needs a break. Regardless, I saw people cry that I've NEVER seen cry before and I NEVER want to see it again. Horror.

I did learn that I've a little out of practice where church is concerned. When the priest offered me communion with the whole "Body of Christ" jazz, I think I said, "Thanks". Pretty sure that's not the right response. I was asked to read the petitions and though my guts were twisted inside with nerves, I think I did alright. Everyone said I didn't look nervous at all and did a beautiful job. It was an honor.

She had 7 children (including 2 sets of twins). I am the youngest grandchild of 15. There are 23 great-grandchildren and 3 great-great-grandchildren. Hopefully she'll have some pull in helping us expand our already ginormous family.

Anyway, the mass was nice, the cemetery was sad but beautiful (she's under some lovely trees), and lunch turned out to be a good time. It was good to see my dad's face perk up a little. We left and went to PJ's to do a shot of Southern Comfort (allegedly my grandma was fond of it back in the day) and then went to Winking Lizard to eat and wrap up the day. It truly was a good day, circumstances aside.

Thanks to my friends for all their support.

Tonight...BREEDERS! I could stand to have a good time. And I will.

Oh...and to someone "special"...HAHAHAHA!  Thanks for being a constant source of entertainment. What a clown.