Monday, September 27, 2010

Well it isn't a problem. Nothing we can't solve so just relax.

I hate the term "lover". I hate when people refer to the people they have sex with as their "lovers". We're not in France, people. We're not in any European country. "Lover" is unacceptable here. Just call it like it is.

I'm not in the most cute-n-fuzzy mood this morning. Having a doctor's appointment can do that to you. Especially one where you're going to get poked and prodded in your nether regions. Sounds like fun but not in this case. Rats.

I got to meet and hold baby Olivia this weekend so my Baby Fever is up a few degrees. She is pure Heaven, I tell you what. Nothing in this world (short of kitten breath) is better than baby fingers and toes. So cute and so creepy. And I could've just eaten her face. Perfection. Anyway, both Todd and I are smitten with Olivia. When I held her, she held my boob, so I know we're friends for life.

Ben is leaving for Thailand next Wednesday so we went to his Bon Voyage shindig on Saturday with Switchblade. It was fun to see some of the series regulars and sit bonfire-side, shooting the breeze. I need more of that in my life. Stephanie looks god damn awesome and I can only hope I look a fraction as good as she does when I become a host. I'm with Ben..."lovely" is the best descriptor.

And for the record, his new nickname is "The Drink" and not "The Drake", despite what he might want you to believe. And even if he won the right to be called "Texas Ben" in a beer chugging/pie in the face contest, he'll always be Uncle Benjamima to me. And Texas Pete will always be Texas Pete.

Simple as that.

And congrats to Joey and Jackie who recently got engaged. All these Ol' Kentucky Babies and Weddings, I can't believe it. I guess we're all growing up. But don't let that fool you...we're still unbelieveably awesome. We just have awesome spouses and spawn now!


Camevil said...

Ben's capacity for loving life is bottomless. It's almost intimidating, because he's the plainest example of what happens when you say "fuck you" to excuses.

I agree about the Texas Pete name. I mean, I'll try Texas Ben because he earned it, but Pete's nickname has deep roots. Like a bad plantar wart that won't go away.

And I'm just gonna say that you and Todd had more than a touch of that young lovers (*snort*) bonfire glow. Ahhhh, the honeymoon is neverending.

Miss Cleveland 1979 said...

AGREED on all counts!

erin said...

i love the things that come out of stephanie's mouth.

i wanted to be at ben's party :(
stupid job!!!!!

Ben said...

I don't want to be Texas Ben, I just want Pete NOT to be Texas Pete. I have a whole litany of reasons that I will withhold until asked in earnest. How about Teutonic Pete instead, since he lived in Germany a long time. Or even Tectonic Pete, since he is a mover and a shaker. These are just suggestions. The well is deep.

For my part, I do not mind Uncle Benjamima nor the Drink, but the Drake does go better with corduroy leisure suits, spats, and martini bars. The Drink probably wears velour jogging suits and loves sparkling wines at his mom's house, and Uncle Benjamima maybe dons bow ties and bandanas while sipping homemade hooch from a crystalline snifter?

At any rate, I was trying to convince Joe that I should object at his wedding and proclaim my love for him so Jackie can shoot me with a pistol in a jealous rage. I would have petitioned Jimbo for the reciprocal honor of doing it at his wedding, but unfortunately I will be abroad, politely taking many lovers (as one does in former French colonies to avoid giving offense).

I am seriously jealous of you holding Olivia. I feel that if she could have grabbed my manmaries we'd be bonded for life as well. I could also use the estrogen boost.

Anyway, I am very glad you came to my Ben Voyage® toxic bonfire 2010! It would not have been properly festive without you there. Erin, you were definitely missed (my Baywatch air freshener has actually reversed its mission, by the way). And Stephanie, I will try to double-down on the zest-for-life in order to be a more worthy example. I imagine this will mean riding elephants naked while a team of enabler monkeys feed me cheesecake and booze.

Miss Cleveland 1979 said...

I just wet my pants a little reading that, Ben. For reals.

And since you're going away, let me tell you this to entertain you...

The night of the party, before we left, me, Todd, and Johnny were peeing behind Sugar's garage. I was doing my best to hold my pants away from the stream. But then Johnny made me laugh really hard and I ended up peeing all over my hand.

Bon Voyage!!!

Ben said...

Hahaha! Even better if you momentarily forgot and started picking your nose on the way home. Then you could ruthlessly wield power over Todd and Johnny with the threat of a pee-booger swipe.