Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Got a card in my spokes & practicin' my jokes.

Song Of The Day: "Test Tube Teens" by Teen Idols

Um, the song of the's a new thang I'm gonna try out...has nothing to do with the song lyrics I use in the title. It's just a song I feel everyone should be listening to. Call it Project Brainwash, if you will.

I'm 30 years old and I had ice-cream for dinner last night. This is either awesome or horrifying, depending on how you slice it. Awesome because...I had ICE-CREAM for DINNER. Not a lot. A few baby scoops. Horrifying because I am trying to lose 10 pounds before I get hitched (in addition to anything I've lost since last month). Losing 10 pounds and eating ice-cream...with sprinkles!...for dinner do not go hand-in-hand. If only Todd would fix my tires so I could ride my bike.

And start my bike gang!!!

I've been talking about starting a bike gang for like 2 years. A bicycle gang! So far, I have 3 members...Carol High Hair, Toosie Pop, and Weasel. My bike gang is called "The Pedal Pushers" and our slogan is TOO TUFF FOR GEARS! The only thing you need to be in the bike gang is a bike...with NO gears. Rather, a bike where you can't adjust the gears! I guess if you have a super rad bike...mountain bikes can fuck off...with the ability to change gears but you REFUSE to change them...and you put electrical tape all over the gear shift and yell "Fuck you, GEARS!"...I guess you can ride with us. Even though we haven't gone on a first ride yet. But we will. And it'll be raaaaaaaad. BMX can eat dirt. Rad bikes and bike gangs are where it's at. This isn't MTV's "Made". My bicycle has a basket just the right size for a 12-pack. Now THAT is livin'.

My bicycle is an Electra Betty and it looks like this (pictured without the awesome streamers...clearly whoevers bike this isn't cool enough for streamers):

If you have an awesome bike, hate gears, and want to drink and ride bikes a la bike gang know where to reach me. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have t-shirts made and I'm fairly certain I will ride at least once in full make-up and high heels while smoking. And I'd pretty much put money down that old people will call us hooligans and we will shake our fists at them and demand homemade PIE! Actually, that last part is a lie. Yep. Life can't get much more awesome if you ask me.

Now that I'm don't ranting about Betty and my gang...

I have Depeche Mode stuck in my head. Bizarro.

Also, I'm trying to bring the phrase "Spazzma Attack" into regular rotation. Like this morning, I was all going bananas about something and I said, "I'm totally having a Spazzma Attack!". I just need to say it a few more times and it will catch on. Just like "bananas" did. And "clearly". And "have you met me before?". Those were all winners in my brainwashing plan.

P.S. Stephanie, thanks for becoming a "follower". You're looking too hot your own good (not that you weren't full on hot before). But smokin' hot lawyers who like monsters movies? That's like a young boy's fantasy. Right up there with a slutty librarian who is into Kung-Fu! look rad and if I wasn't such a pussy, I'd totally want to run with you. But I don't run. Mainly because I don't move my arms when I run so I look ridiculous. That's why I don't have a running gang. No need to move your arms on a bike.


1 comment:

Camevil said...

The only bike I have is an exercise recumbent bike that goes nowhere. So, I can't join your girlie bike gang. *sniffs* And even if I did get a bike, it won't be as badass as yours. Will you guys be wearing matching satin jackets?

And thankie. I stopped running for now, tho. I blew out my knees from the impact (I overdid it, running 3 miles every other day. These knees can't take that). So, I'm back on the bike and silently cry like that Indian in the old pollution commercials everytime I see a dorky jogger run past our street.