Don't know when I'll be back again.

Pack your bags full of lingerie and weaponry! We're hittin' the dusty trail just like we would a disobedient wife or a red-headed step child! Like that man with the French braids that can't pay his taxes because he spends his money on "the dope"...we can't wait to get on the road again! Can you feeeel the excitement coursing through my veins and the tension in my typing fingers? If I had a tail, I'd wag it but I don't so I'll just have to hump something until I am SPENT! A chair leg, perhaps. Or my travel companion. As The Pixies once said...or actually said many times in a melodic way...OH MY GOLLY! We're going on a road trip, son!

There's a holiday weekend right around the corner well-stocked with clam bakes and sock hops for us to attend, being as popular as we are. Herman's Hermits (who I really only like for 'Henry the 8th' cause if you drink every time they say HENRY, you'd be on your way to Drunk Town via the Buzz Express) were on the weekend agenda. Just for kicks-n-thrills, I threw the idea of a weekend adventure onto "the idea truck" and POW! A road trip was conceived and we're just glowing about the news.

Here's the bottom line, y'all. We've been running around like those KFC chickens that are engineered and just have brain stems, not heads. I used to tell my sister that they stir the gravy with the brain stems to give it more flavor. Terrible, and not at all sensitive. Regardless...every weekend has been jam-packed which, eventhough those weekends usually consisted of rocking out and chugging beers, is really stressful when they're all smooshed together. And yeah, we'll have to pack bags (but we don't have to impress anyone...everything I pack might be from Victoria's Secret!) and sure, we have drive a few hours (but it will be just the two of us and we can hold hands and jam tunes). But how many chances do you get to just shirk your responsibilitier and skip town with the person you're batty about? That's what I thought, bitches.

Where are we going? It's a top secret location out of state so someone will have to be responsible for Cleveland while we're gone. And don't try to reach me unless you have the hottest gossip or a genuine emergency. Chances are my phone will be off. Hey...that annoying little sucker might not even make it out of the car if I'm feeling super independent! And I thank everyone for their Labor Day weekend invites and hope your functions are still mind-blowing and head-turning despite our absence. Am I full of myself today? Nah...I'm just super-psyched, pumped, jazzed, and any other descriptive word I commonly use that ends in -ed. Stay tuned.

A love like ours is love that's hard to find.

"I'm Going To Jail", or whatever it's actually titled, by Struttin' Cocks has been in my head, on repeat, since Saturday night. Unfortunately for me AND my brain, the only words I know are "I'm going to JAIL". If something doesn't trip the switch soon, I'm going to have to call Sean and have him sing it to me. Break the cycle.

So what can I say about the weekend? Risky.

Friday, I accompanied Jim to Tattoo Faction. While there, I got to see Bobbi Socks' engagement ring before the big public proposal which made me feel powerful and involved. What a ring-a-ding-ding! There were tattoos and there was steak-0n-a-stone and there was shit talkin' and gossip. It was a good way to spend my day off, I'd say. Weasel may have disagreed since he went to bed mega-early, like pre-early bird special! I ordered Chinese food and my fortune cookie said I would have some sort of uncoming happiness and excitement. Stupid cookie!

Saturday...I'm going to be ultra selective about what I say regarding Saturday. There are things I just don't feel like remembering right now or for all of eternity. Regardless...I eventually made it out the door and to the Madison car show but I missed Joey proposing to Bobbi Socks (they did make a pit-stop at my digs so I got to hug-n-congratulate them in person). I eventually met up with friends. I eventually had shots of whiskey. I eventually learned that the motherfucking Heptanes cancelled on us AGAIN. I eventuakky went home to stop my head from spinning.

Honestly and selfishly...I didn't want to go to the show. My head and my heart were somewhere else all together and my fists were wherever the Heptanes were, beating them to death. I didn't even shower and I didn't drink when I got there and I hid...a lot. I will totally high-five Karen and I for our "shark and shark-attack victim" outfits and I will pretty much hump Carol's leg for filling in for the recently engaged Bobbi Socks. Sadly, there was a CD player malfunction and we only made it through 3 songs. Secretly....thrilled! My head was NOT screwed on. I was pretty much absent but sometimes you have to push through for others. My little silver shark Karen was psyched so I did feel rotten for her...and for the work Carol put in last minute. I didn't feel bad when I ordered my third Coke and was in bed pumped full of Advil PMs before midnight.

Yesterday was a good old fashioned, lazy Sunday. I did things here-n-there around my digs, I went and cleaned up a mess I made at The Sac, I had a late lunch and some convo with the Shoe Lanes, and I crashed on my couch with the Family Guy box set. I woke up to the Weasel saying "Baaaaby" in just the way I like, prodding me to come up to bed. How could I argue with that face, I ask you? Sunday was probably the best day of the weekend since I got to keep my brain turned off. I could use a week full of Sundays. I could at least use 5 more hours of sleep and someone to grocery shop for me.

So that's that. The week is just beginning. Sigh.

Think of all the good things we can do.

I was just blabbing on and on about the almost mind-blowingly insane amount of potential this weekend has to blow my mind...but I got bored. From the minute the weekend kicks in until I am dragged kicking-n-screaming to clock back into the grind...mind-blowing. I know it. Any fancy adjectives I can throw in there won't change a damn thing. So...aloha!

The arena is empty except for one man.

Todd is feeding off my improved outlook on life. We're psyched.

I'm not going to lie or sugar-coat anything...I was thinking dirty all day yesterday. I couldn't wait to clock out and get these mits on my diesel drivin' daddy. After a semi-smutty welcome home in the kitchen, Todd said there was a surprise for me on the bed (of course, I was thinking...smutty). I'm not super keen on surprises but I DO love treats! And this was certainly something to log for posterity. He followed me up they stairs as I raced to find...a stack of shirts and a bag of various other articles of clothing...underwear, socks, t-shirts. He's more than just a toothbrush and coffee pot now. HE STARTED TO MOVE THINGS IN! I was so pumped that we made out right there on top of the clothes. That's how we do things at our house.

I started preparations for 2 major upcoming events.

1. Eventhough it is 4 months away, I have started to plan the New Year's Eve party that will take place at the Ol' Kentucky Corral. The party at my digs for New Year's Eve 2005/2006 was legendary. In order to surpass something of that magnitude, well, it take careful planning to ensure everyone has a memorable time. And it takes MONEY! Time to start squirrling my nuts...winter is coming. I have already booked Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band and am scouting for one or two more forms of entertainment. God, the chaos that is a party at my place. I feel all warm-n-fuzzy...and hungover...just thinking about it. And the guy I get to kiss at midnight? Amazing.

2. I am going to be 30 on a Saturday in February and what better place to turn 30 but my favorite place on the planet, LAS VEGAS! I've started to rally some of my V.I.Peeps to get an idea who rules and who clearly does not. I'm not asking BOATLOADS of people so dont' feel left out. I just want to be with people I'm majorly close to. Travel in large groups makes it so hard to coordinate anything and you don't really get to enjoy the people you're with. I'm going to enjoy turning 30. I thought I'd be marry with kids by now but then again, I did a TON of things that I NEVER thought I'd do and have had a pretty amazing and not-at-all boring life. I'm looking at 30 as just the start of another decade to be awesome in. And I'm going to start being awesome with a cocktail and twenty bucks on 17!

Cover me in kisses, baby.

Ooh la la! The most fun I've ever had with pants on?!?

That would be quite a statement to make and I think I feel secure enough to make it about last night. We dubbed it "Make Out Monday". Sidebar: I have this saucy little habit of naming really memorable frisky moments between Weasel and I. It started with "Make Up Thursday", followed up "Drunk Tuesday", and recently we had "Sexy Saturday". Yesterday...totally "Make Out Monday". And totally the most fun I've ever had with pants on since I hit adulthood. Did you say Va-Voom?!? Va-Voom indeed!

So without getting graphic and making all y'all wash your eyeballs off with soap, I'll just continue to blather with slightly veiled references. Blathering is what I do. It's what I live for. Regadless. So I instituted a new attitude and outlook on life and it paid off major last night! I had a hot date scheduled for Chinese food, beer and a request for a lot of kissing. And there you have it! You forget how great kissing is until you're doing it! And you kiss for hours and can't believe you don't do this more often. Kissing is super intimate. And fucking HOT. You're so revved up, you start pouring your heart out and he's pouring his heart out and then you kiss MORE and you kiss HARDER. And then when you wake up, you're greeted with morning kisses and you plan for MORE kissing later on. Oh MAN!

I feel 16. I think I fell in love all over again!

LIFE IS FUCKING GOOD!

I'd rather be sick of you.

I'm going to give Mother Nature a much deserved high five because she certainly has blessed up with some beautiful days lately and I am going to lap up every last scrap of good weather. It's been light hoodie weather which does NOT make me want to kick the world in the tenders! Are you tossing your cookies due to my waxing poetic about my good mood? Yeah, I'm in a good fucking mood and if you want to whip one out and piss all over it, you can try, but you'll fail. I'm laughing everything off starting...now!

I've been feeling sort of edgey and prickily for the past few weeks. No energy, no appetite, no ability to keep ANYTHING in my stomach, no will do to much but sloth. My physical nastiness put me in automatic attack mode. I was not pleasant in the least but people were putting up with me. High fives, y'all. Then Saturday morning, I woke up feeling like a new person, but still being the same awesome me. A million bucks! And since my body is feeling better (and slightly smaller), I'm focusing on my brain and keeping things chill up there.

I decided this last night...I've always been a relatively "don't give a fuck, just want to have fun" gal with a few mushy spots here and there reserved for stupid girlish emotions. And that's how I want to live right now. So I'm going to! And I already feel all Tony the Tiger and shtuff. I've been flirting with Todd all morning like we just met. I kicked back with Potsie (and Switchblade) last night and had beers/cocktails, discussing the bright future ahead for PFG. Problems get fixed! Nothing is unsolveable! I should enjoy my days-n-nights. I should rock the fuck out...and I will. According to Jen, Rock-n-Roll Lacey is back and she's ready to F.S.S.U.

I whispered filthiness to Valeria Golino in my dream last night.

The Heptanes show is Saturday and the Pussyfoot Girls are struttin' as a 3-piece. I keep calling us a 3-piece combo, eventhough it makes us sound like pieces of chicken. I'd like to be the breast. Ba-GAWK! Anyway, we're very sad to see Queen La Tata go but that little chickie has to spread her wings and fly. She's got a life! She's got other goals and amibtions! The 3 of us are still ready to wear those short shorts and tight tops and get goofy for a little while longer. Hopefully she'll be in the crowd cheering us on. Oh...did I mention THE HEPTANES??? I better bring extra panties. Struttin' Cocks and Lords of the Highway will blow your minds, too, so...be there.

I have a date tonight. I was promised a lot of kissing. And beer!

A mission for me and me only!

I love fireworks. I'm not really sure why but I love them, especially the really big and full ones that seem to explode outward and drip down. They are especially perty when they are silver or gold, which they usually are. We saw some fireworks over the weekend when we went to Night Under Fire at the racetrack and I was pumped. I haven't been feeling well so I wasn't really psyched to drive all that way and be outside but it turned out to be a really great night. I am too tired to use any fancy adjectives. I'm sorry.

And there's something right there...I am EXHAUSTED to the point of hot tears! It first started out as genuine lack of sleep since I was glancing at the clock every hour and tossing-n-turning like mad. Now it's morphed into sleeping all the time and still not having enough energy to function during the day. It's been a few weeks since I stopped drinking during the week (to be honest, I've only really had a few PERIOD since then), I lost a few pounds, I stopped eating late at night...I thought I'd feel BETTER! I feel like a slug. Getting out of bed this morning was a total ordeal. Blech.

As I've previously stated, bad things are happening to good people all around me. I want them all to know I'm thinking about them and I'm in their corner and I'm giving the "thumbs up" or high fiving or whatever they need. I don't know what else to say. All of their individual situations suck majorly and suddenly my problems seem pretty small (still driving ME bananas, but they are miniscule in comparison). I hope the tides turn for everyone soon. And I hope I'm there serving you umbrella drinks and appetizers when they do. Love all your guts.

Stocking magazines, turning 5s into quarters.

Happy Birthday to my saucy minx of a "little sister", Jenny Penny! The big 22! I hope you get some rad ass gifts (though that fancy rock on your ring finger is certainly gift enough, am I right?) and get so drunk that you pass out and/or puke in and/or outside of a car. I know drunken car rides coupled with cookie tossing is your thing. It let's you know that you had a damn good time! But this isn't about your drunken regurg. It's about the fact that you're 22 and I love and miss you! So...HAPPY FLIPPIN' BIRTHDAY, baby!

There is a Battle Royale going on in my stomach. Ugh.

Working 4-10s has been difficult to adjust to, I'll tell you what. But man oh man, am I looking forward to my day off manana. I'm going to send the man-of-the-house off to work, pile back in bed, fall asleep watching cheesey chick flicks, get up whenever the eff I feel like it, shave my stems/wax/shower/groom, maybe go see a movie, maybe work on Karen and Rocko's paintings...pretty much be an effing bum and I've never been so psyched. My body and my mind are SPENT! My body has been tossing it's cookies and my mind is next. So I'm going to sloth it up. HARDCORE. I declare myself responsibility free tomorrow! YEEHAW! Though maybe I should go downtown and pay my water/sewer bill. Hmmmm.

Uh oh. My stomach may be rejecting the Zinger I just ate. FROWN!

It sometimes feels like you're still here.

Blog Tracker is neat. That's all I'm saying.

Yesterday was a really tough and sad day for my family. It was one of those days where you have to drop everything that's bothering you personally and focus on the what's really important...the bigger picture. I don't want to go into great detail because it's not my place. I just want to say that we all have heavy hearts right now. And I'd like to give a really solid high five to all of my friends who rallied yesterday when we received the news. I hope I can be there for you and offer you the support and kind words that you sent my way. They will be relayed to the rest of my family and I truly do appreciate having friends like you. Everyone should be so lucky as to know the Ol' Kentucky Sharks. So, if you're not a total ass-face, you'll continue to keep my family in the "good thoughts" section of your brains for awhile. That would be just swell.

When all of this garbage started happening, and it IS garbage...it's not me pulling a "woe is me" because I'm not one of the main players but it is AWFUL and unfortunate and you wouldn't want it to happen to a member of YOUR family...my mom started talking about being grateful for the good things in your life, which is sometimes really hard to do when everything that CAN do wrong, is going wrong. Carol and I discussed how right now, it seems like every good person we know if getting royally screwed in one way or another. It really isn't fair. There are so many total scumbags out there...let them get screwed for a change. Regardless, I'm trying to focus on the good things but I'll be honest, it's difficult. I ususally get riled up when people say "it could be wrose". Sure, problems may pale in comparison to other people's problems, but that doesn't mean they hurt any less to YOU. So I'm trying to dock my boatload of problems for now and focus on the things in my life that kick major ass.

For example...

I'm happy with who I am as a person. Some people are not so lucky. If other people don't like me, that's their problem. Sure it stings sometimes but overall...if you don't like me or what I do or what I say, cut-n-run. I'll get over it.

I have the best group of friends anyone could ask for. They're all so funny and fun to be around. They're smart. They're creative. They're talented. They're insane and bizarre. They're daredevils. They rally. They are THERE. And my best friend? Be jealous.

I'm loved. And I love. And even if I'm "too upset to see it, our relationship is progressing". We're taking the big plunge and cohabitating. We have "the best stuff. The things dreams are made of". It hasn't been easy but we make each other stronger. We make each other better. We're in it for life. Todd and Lacey vs. The World.

I'm generally healthy. Sure, I hate my body and my body hates me but it's minor stuff. So I have Athsma? So I get Pneumonia? So I catch every little sniffle or cough? It's minor. It's not life threatening. I'm able-bodied and my mind works just fine. I am lucky.

There's so much more that I should feel fortunate about. I have a roof over my head (and LOVE my digs). I have a job and a pretty nice paycheck every week. I have hobbies and skills that set me apart (YES, Potsie. I WILL finish your paintings ASAP!!). Overall, contrary to popular opinion, I am a good person who would pretty much fight tigers for anyone. I'm forgiving. I'm loving. And I like to think I'm mildly entertaining in person. I have my bad days but I need to have LESS bad days. I need to seriously stop sweating the small stuff. Any issues that I've EVER had to face...they were eventually worked out. Nothing had killed me yet. This cat has a couple lives left. I need to start living them to the fullest. Not that I haven't lived...I have my stories, holy cow. But maybe there's something to be said for living each day like it's your last. I just need to be thankful.

And let's not forget my family. Without whom...

Taking everything she can't steal.

Happy belated Birthday, Phoebe Bean! You're hotter and better than ever, even if I haven't seen you in weeks! I can feel your hotness radiating through Cleveland...are you even IN Cleveland??? You're like a car that upgrades itself so you don't have to get the new model or body style. You're ALWAYS the new model. Did you like that? I compared you to a car. Alright, so I miss you and my mind has turned to complete Jell-O. I just want to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and remind you that you are an amazing woman (like you didn't know) and a kick-ass friend (I'm sure I don't tell you that enough. Reconnect this year has meant more to me than you could possibly know. You've helped me through a whole boat load of "downs" and helped me enjoy the fuck out of a ton of "ups". The most important thing I've learned from you this year is that some people just aren't worth fretting over. Anyway...I can't wait until we can find the time to celebrate your birthday together. I love you to DEATH!

I'm not here. This isn't happening.

That there.
That's not me.
I go.
Where I please.
I walk through walls.
I float down the Liffey.
I'm not here.
This isn't happening.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.

In a little while.
I'll be gone.
The moment's already passed.
Yeah it's gone.
And I'm not here.
This isn't happening.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.

Strobe lights and blown speakers.
Fireworks and hurricanes.
I'm not here.
This isn't happening.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.

Remember me next time I go away.

Let me preface this blather by saying that I am currently NOT depressed. I'm stressed. I don't get depressed...I'm not programmed for depression. Little cases of "the blues", that's my bag. Moving forward. Yesterday evolved from a flurry to a full-blown storm. Yes, boys-n-ghouls, my not-so-swell mood snowballed into a state of just absolute upset and frustration. I came to the point where I officially HATED yesterday and wanted to pound the living daylights out of it. Pounding the living daylights out of someone or something OR crying until my eyeballs roll straight out of my face may be the only things that get me out of my current surly state. But I can't do either. Pounding on someone like a chicken cutlet isn't conducive to "being a good person". And I don't cry anymore. Crying is for bitches. And I've eliminated weekday drinking. So...maybe I'll knit. I'll knit my emotions away. Some of you will be wearing very frustrated or angry scarves come winter.

Let me make it crystal clear thatn none, not even an itty bitty fraction, of my current loathing for life has to do with my relationship. Right now, I'm seriously leaning on Todd for support. He's giving me an emotional piggy back ride so to speak. Basically, he's kicking ass at being a boyfriend. And not to pat myself on the ass, but I think I deserve it so I'm going to lean as long as I need to. I could probably blather about what's clogging my noggin, but it's typical shtuff that everyone wades through. Being a home owner and bill payer and living alone is HARD. Work is HARD. Trying to keep the peace between friends is HARD. Dealing with aspects of my hobbies (Jump In The Sac, Pussyfoot Girls, Shark Attack! Records) is HARD. I dealt with a big break up (good riddance), had to leave a job I liked and was great at, was in the hospital several times and once almost lost MY ARM, and of course there are personal things that I'd rather not discuss. It's all on my mind, all of the time. I can't sleep. I love to sleep.

It probably sounds like I'm pouting. I AM POUTING. I'm allowed to pout. It is my right as a human and as a chick. I do my best to make lemonade out of the lemons that are pegged at my head constantly. I try to be Miss Fix-It all of the time so that everyone is hap-hap-happy. It's getting exhausting. I keep talking about disappering as if that would be a way to just get some relief. I don't want to disappear though. I just want to be able to deal with one thing at a time but for some reason...my brain wants EVERYTHING swimming up there at once. STUPID BRAIN! This will all pass. Todd keeps telling me over and over that it'll get better, he here for/with me no matter what I do. I believe it. It's comforting. What's NOT comforting is being away from him, like right now, and having my brain get fishy again because I'm thinking too much. I just need a temporary coma while I work things out. And I need Todd in the coma so he can assure me it'll get better.

I can't BELIEVE what you just said.

I am not in the greatest of moods right now despite the fact that I am currently enjoying a Snickers. And I keep holding my breath which is leading me to believe that I have reached the maximum stress level that my body can handle right now. My body does weird things like hold it's breath without asking me sometimes. My body is a jerk. Regardless, I just got some news that I was pretty damn shocked about it. I can't be mad but I can be upset so I'm upset. And my upset is causing me to think about all of the other things that have gone to Hell this year. It makes things seem far more horrific than they are when you list all of the upsets at once. I know it is not the end of the world...that none of the things on my list fot into the "end of the world" category but COME ON! I need a break.

Like a road, you're somewhere to go.

Where has the summer gone? Straight to my liver, that's where! It's half over already and I wonder how much of it I've spent with a headace. Today starts mine and Todd's "no drinking on the weekdays" kick and I'm pumped. Beer is nothing but empty, pointless calories (that taste like little slivers of Heaven) and I am DETERMINED to get F-I-T. I have my workout plan, I'm going to eat better, and hopefully my mental health will benefit. Not that I'm going nutty or psycho or any other adjectice to describe mental illness in a negative way. But I am experiencing some mental exhaustion and I don't need it. I've been weeding out the clutter in my house to make room for impending cohabitation...now I just need to weed the clutter from my brain.

OH! SNAP! Who won the Best Trophy trophy at the Rock-n-Race??

OH! SNAP! "If You Leave Me Now" is playing on the radio!!

Yeah, so, the pickins were slim as far as the trophies went so maybe the win wasn't as satisfying as if we had competed against 20 trophies and won. But everyone who saw the trophy gushed over it and had nothing but nice things to say about our efforts. In my mind, I engineered it, Todd manufactured it, then we both benched it. We're a team and it was for sure a team effort. The fact that I said I was building this trophy and with his help, was able to follow through to completion...I feel perfectly fine about taking the trophy home. In a weird way, this trophy is the first thing that is "ours". We'll have to pick a bad ass spot for it when he moves in.

Big step. Super psyched.

Besides the contest win, it was by FAR the BEST Rock-n-Race EVER! Oh Coffin Daggers? MIND BLOWING! A big thanks to Jim for having the Pussyfoot Girls back for the third year in a row. I really feel like we were on our game in a big way. I hope we did him proud and are invited back next year. And BEN??? And ROCKO??? And Karen tossing her cookies and still looking super glam? And my new favorite picture with Todd's hand in my waistband? All good. So good. The nice gents at PBR hooked me UP with a new tank top and a sweet new ringer and THEN, great catch that I am, I caught another of my favorite ringers AND a PBR Zippo!!! I HEART SWAG! Major. And I heart my friends, my boyfriend, the Pussyfoot Girls. PFG fans, most of the bands that performed, my long distance pals that were present, Jim and Michelle Murphy (yes, my friends, but they deserve a special shout out today) and over all, I LOVE the Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race. Hopefully, I can get pictures up sooooooon!

*SMOOCH*

Horny little baby in my back seat.

Speaking of back seats...

I almost gave up on building the "Best Back Seat" trophy for the Dragway 42 trophy building contest. Money became as tight as a hooker's top and corners needed to be cut like an attention-seeking person's arms after Heavy Rebel...and the trophy wasn't a necessity. I was c-c-c-c-c-crushed. I thought about pan-handling to some of my pallies to get the scratch to build the damn thing. Todd asked me if it was REALLY that important. To me...it WAS really that important. And he came through like my Weasel in flat black armor. Yeah, I designed it, but he came through with parts and rustled up someone to weld it and he's as pumped as I am! I've been working on painting it and am going to get the letting slapped on tonight and...it's sharp. I'm not sure if we'll WIN (it's OUR trophy now, for sure) but I feel so accomplished just by having something bad ass to turn in.

I think Todd knows that a lot of things that were important to me have been ruined recently...and he made it happen to make me happy which is super cool. The contest is tomorrow so crossed your digits. Then we have to distribute it to whoever has the "Best Back Seat"...then it's gone forever. Whoever wins BETTER apprecaite the blood, sweat, and other bodily fluids that made this thing possible. Upon penalty on DEATH!

So the Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race weekend starts tonight and I'm beyond super psyched. Like I've said, Todd and I are campping out there tonight. It's not that we'll be ALONE, especially since Grimm and Jim will be there...but a lot of our usually thugs aren't coming until tomorrow. Any time we get to spend out-n-about together, doing something different, is fun. It'll be a chance to take it easy in preparation for tomorrow! Saturday is single-handedly the BEST day at the Rock-n-Race. Everyone's there, everyone's drinking, Pussyfoot Girls are ON, we all stay up late and camp out...there is a lot of activity going on but it's so spread out over the day that it's a good way to chill with good friends. The people I love to be around are there. Sometimes we're all together, sometimes we're in little groups, sometimes Todd and I will be alone. Either way...I'm super psyched. After my terrible STRANGE mood the past two days...this is what I need. These are the people I need.

PHOTOS TO FOLLOW!

Nothing to hide. Believe what I say.

I downsized some of my stuff, I ate ice-cream, I vented via text message to the love of my life, I painted the "Best Back Seat" trophy, I practiced Pussyfootin' for the Dragway, I had a beer, I had girl talk, I showered with a man, I watched cartoons, I was spooned...nothing. No combination of the above activities helped me shake whatever is buggin'. Still can't pinpoint what's ruffling my feathers. All I know is SOMETHING is wrong with me and it's both making me emo and making me feel like I'm not in my own body. I don't get it but I know I don't like it.

Todd's being super cool about my moody 'tude, even though he did tell me I looked like I was dying (but merely looking like I'm dying still has me reigning supreme over the gal he said already looks dead...aw shucks). He did make a comment that was WORSE (and partially terrifying) than the comment about my appearance...but I don't even want to repeat it. I refuse to curse myself!!! Regardless, he's being a total sweetheart and I'm appreciating every second of it, even if I seem like I'm planning to jump off a bridge or punch him in the face. I know he is not even a tiny fraction to blame for...whatever the eff is going on with me. He's good stuff. And that's why I need to snap out of it! His weird moods were almost the death of me recently. I don't want to put undue stress on him. And things have been beyond rad with us the past 2 weeks. Gotta keep it moving full-speed ahead!!!

My favorite cheer-up remedy used to be Potsie doing "The Snoopy Dance". It worked every time. I'm a different person now than I was when that would cheer me up. NOW...she has to dance around to "Livin' Thing" by E.L.O. in my living room! She looks so happy and has such a blast that you can't help but smile. I told her that I will play "Livin' Thing" at my (hypothetical) wedding reception but she will be the only one allowed on the floor. Everyone needs to be a witness to the magic that is Karen/Potsie Shark-Pants/Tootsie Pop and song 83:11. I listened to it the entire way to work and for some reason, I saw my future flash before my eyes. It was comforting and quite sexy.

Dragway 42 this weeknd. PFG on Saturday. Be there.

Your head is aching. I'll make it better.

Do you ever have one of those days where you straddle the line between bursting into tears and ripping someone's heart out Indiana Jones style? It's early but that is how I feel today. Something is brewing and I think it may be lethal for all those around me. Toxic. Poisonous. Growth-stunting. I wish I would run into everyone I loathe on the street today because I'm fairly certain I could destroy or at least injure them fairly quickly and with minimal effort...but then I might cry about it since there's that looming tear-jearky feeling. I wouldn't cry over ALL the people I would like to annihilate...unless they were tears of pure joy.

So, whatever. I woke up in a weird mood today and I'm not enjoying it one bit! There is absolutely NO REASON why I should feel so cranky and bitter. I came home after work to find a handsome boyfriend and the welded skeleton of a "Best Back Seat" trophy. I was instructed to take a nap (which I hap-hap-happily did) and woke up to a handsome boyfriend cooking TACOS! He didn't even mind when I used all of the cheese!! We watched cartoons and he told me that he loves my laugh, that it melts his heart and does something to his soul...probably molests it. But how sweet was that? I love hearing things like that...and if my laugh does his heart-n-soul good, we're all set cause I'm a laughing machine! And I went to bed at a descent hour all snuggled up in the tentacles of the man I love...while STILL watching cartoons.

SO WHAT THE FLIP IS WRONG WITH ME???

It could be good, ol' PMS. My always anticipated visit from Aunt Flo is right around the corner. But the thing is...ugh, my body is so confusing. I've never, ever, never, had PMS or sore jugs or anything like that then last month POW! It felt like someone was using my tater-melons (that's a new one I was blessed with) for punching bags. They hurt so flipping much that I was actually concerned there was a mini-human being growing where I don't need one to grow right now. Not the case. Bleeding not breeding. But still! Suddenly, at the ripe age of 29, I'm getting the symptoms I should have adjusted to at puberty? Life is cruel. Mother Nature can shove a sword up her vag.

But if it's not THAT, what is it? Like I said, there is no reason for me to be glum or gloomy or looking for a pile of dirt to kick or a skull to stomp on. My relationship was been fan-fucking-tastic for the past 2 weeks. No bumps, no bruises, no snags. We're crazy bananas in love and our future looks mega-bright. Everything is rad with my pals and I'm looking forward to spending quality drinking time with them this weekend at the Dragway. Speaking of that...I had so much fun at PFG practice last week that I can't WAIT for tonight! I think our set has some major potential and I think this show is going to be a blast and a half. I feel like I'm growing much closer to Potsie and Christina and that's bad ass. We're like a little army. A saucy, little, tail-shakin' army! And my family...alwalys good stuff. Besides the average amount of stress I'm experiencing...I dunno. There's just no reason for this 'tude.

I just need to lay low today. Hide out.

Bad ideas. They are a dime a dozen.

My eyeballs feel so slick that I think they might roll right out of my face, on to the filthy floor, out the door and on their waaaaaay. I'm exhausted so my peepers are watery and glistening. It's only mid-summer and I'm flat-out beat. Every weekend from now until September 12th is FULL UP and occupied. Not a second to spare for anything less than an emergency. And any second I have to spare...is spent sleeping or at least thinking/dreaming about sleeping. My body and my brain are taking a hardcore beating from all of this activity so things have got to change! Don't get me wrong...everything on my dance card is F-U-N. It's not like I have to attend funerals or slaughter house tours from now til autumn. It's all fun which makes me even more exhausted.

Next up on our list...I should say OUR because everything I'M doing, TODD is doing as well and he is equally as beat...is the Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race. Now I'm super psyched and pumped about this weeknd, don't get me wrong. Todd and I are going to cruise out there Friday night to see the bands, keep the drinks light, "love on each other when we get thristy", and camp out...just the two of us. After a short return home so I can transform into the powerful Patti Cake, we'll be back for more bands, more beer, the lovely Pussyfoot Girls, and camping with all of our peeps (including BENNNNNNNN!!!!). Sunday...whaddaya know? More bands!! And then serious hibernation! Even if just over night. I plan on going into a Snuggle-Coma. It'll be a blast and a half but I'm crashing just thinking about it!

And after Rock-n-Race, no more beer on weekdays! Todd and I decided this last night. We need to eat better, drink less, get more sleep, get in shape, blah blah blah, blather. No beer during the week is our first step towards shaping up for our future. We're stock piling now. There was also some discussion about walking every night. I don't mind working out but I'll be honest...I haven't in WEEKS! I got so stressed out and worn out that I just gave up. That's lame. I try not to give up. So I need to start over. And walking together every night (in addition to the "Tom Shoe-Lane Kicks My Ass" workout plan) will be fun. I like doing anything with Todd. Maybe not pooping. I think that's a solo project.

Last, but certainly not least, starting September 12th, expect to see Todd and I way less. We're putting life on hold, so to speak, during autumn and winter. If you are dim and didn't get the picture from my ranting and raving above...WE'RE BEAT! We need a break. So we're "becoming little hermits"...hibernating, so to speak. I don't remember if it was him or if it was me...but we were on the couch crabbing about what busy bees we are, and one of us said, "Can we just do nothing all winter?". It was him. I agreed WHOLE HEARTEDLY. We decided to pump the start date up to autumn and there you have it. Laying low, doing less (not NOTHING but way less), staying home, saving money, good stuff. GOD...I can't wait. But for now...

7/18 to 7/20: Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race
7/25 to 7/27: EMPTY...for now.
8/1: Rancid show in Detroit.
8/2: Night Under Fire @ Summit.
8/9: Family function...would take too long to explain.
8/16: Jump In The Sac w/ The Pussyfoot Girls.
8/22: Tractor Pull thing-a-majig.
8/23-8/24: Niagara Falls.
8/29-8/31: EMPTY...for now.
9/6: Journey, Heart, and Cheap Trick @ Blossom.
9/12: TODD AND LACEY'S SELF-INFLICTED HERMITISM!!!

Let's liven up this crazy crowd!

I have just now at this VERY second made a discovery that will change my life for...at least awhile. And it won't mean anything to any of you and it may seem foolish to get so pumped over something so small. But the small somethings are all I can really count on. Think I'm being melodramatic? Not at all. It's just that due to people's selfishness over the past few weeks, I've started questioning everyone and everything. The big things I thought I could count on are in limbo. My once precious ability to just jump right in has taken a hike. As Counter Clockweyes would say, "My get-up-and-go must have got-up-and-gone out the door...and on it's way". But this is not about Counter Clockweyes or certain people's bad behavior.

It's about Hungry Jack Potato Pancake mix.

When I was in college, I would make these as often as possible. And I made them perfectly. I turned people on to potato pancakes who had zero to no interest. I would have worn a bikini made of them. And then what happens in the vast expanse of greater Cleveland and Northeast Ohio? THEY DISAPPEAR! Empty shelves are far as they eye can see. I haven't had a Hungry Jack potato pancake since 2003! 2003, Becky! Do you hear this??? And today I finally get motivated enough to search for theie existence and location...SANDUSKY! Hungry Jack wants me to drive to SANDUSKY to fill the void these pancakes have caused!

But alas...there is an alternative solution!

Hungry Jack WILL, in fact, ship me 12 boxes for a totally reasonable price. I pretty much had a much-needed orgasm when I made this discovery. It's the best thing to happen to me all day short of having a sort-of fashionable hair day. I know it's early but I don't have much hope for today being a hum-dinger or anything. Yesterday was also sort of a let down, eventhough I was assured I wouldn't BE let down...outside of the fact that Potsie and Christina (and their dance to "Shout! Shout! Knock Yourself Out!") are amazing, hilarious and adorable AND...

THE MAY BABY HAS ARRIVED!!!

And it was a boy just like I said it would be! I'm just knowing things left-n-right regarding pregnancy these days. Sure, I can't get Nolan a pink cardigan but I can get him something equally as rad ass. I probably shouldn't say "rad ass" regarding a baby, should I? He can take it. He's a MAY for crying out loud. Regardless...Nolan Lucky May joined the pack yesterday and that foxy mama is doing well after 22 hours of labor and a C-Section! HOT DAMN! All my congratulations and love and sloppy kisses and bear hugs go out to The Mays. Hopefully there will be no more fish sticks and flip flops for Jen! My first close friend to a have a baby. I'm super psyched. And Jessica's due date is right around the corner. YEEHAW!

I really don't feel like shutting up. Even if someone SHOULD shut me up! And even if some people WANT to shut me up. I'm just not in the mood to zip this lip. But what WILL I talk about??? I know what I COULD talk about, but I won't. Knowing you have the power and ability to destroy and annihilate is incredible. I kind of get that fetish now where people build the miniature cities and then stomp on them. At least a little of it has to do with power. And I've got some. Overall, I think I am a nice and fairly decent person. But sometimes fair and decent people get fed up...they have limits. And then...they poison the well.

And now I'm DONE! Hot-cha-cha!

Tell me now who you think I am.

Heavy Rebel is over for another year, le sigh. Sadly, it was not the BEST Heavy Rebel ever. I was in a weird mind-set, I guess. Friday was pretty much a complete bust, minus the always awesome and talented Pete Yorko One Man Band. And the beginning half of Saturday wasn't all that amazing and vag-quaking either. But Saturday night...I did it up, Heavy Rebel style! I got drunk, I rocked out, I bought swag AND FINALLY kissed someone in a jail cell!!! Not a RANDOM someone, silly! It was good stuff. We left early Sunday morning and that was that. Heavy Rebel was over for another year. I know what things I'll do differently next year to assure it goes back to being the way it should be. And I'm not saying I didn't have a great time...I DID! Just not as mind-blowing as it usually is, which is disappointing. But I have zero regrets. IN BEER WE TRUST, HEAVY REBEL OR BUST!

Jen May is having a baby RIGHT NOW! My heart is POUNDING!!!

So I might be taking a big, BIG leap soon! The leap had been sort of joked about and tossed around previously but now it's really being dissected and discussed hardcore. There's sort of a chain of command...once THIS happens, then THAT will happen and once THAT happens, I'll do THIS and once I do THIS, we will do THAT! It's really fucking exciting and terrifying at the same time. My heart has been majorly beat-up, raped, abused, and pretty much all but murdered. There was attempted murder but I survived. I spend so much time surviving. I just want to LIVE now, and that's what I'm doing. Livin'. Anyway...stay tuned for more updates on my leaping. Just know that the conversations of the past few days have been legendary and I'm super psyched, which is the way I want to be. The way I DESERVE to be. Maybe I have a shot at Happily Ever After after all!

Had a hot date last night!! Got all dolled up and hit the down for a yummy dinner and tablecloth sketching (I drew a skunk). There was supposed to be making out on a park bench somewhere after but Mother Nature was in a foul mood and had other plans. So we curled up couch-style and watched Cloverfield which was a waste of money and time. But together time is always good. Watching a mini-marathon of Family Guy in bed is good, too. As is eating ice-cream in bed. In fact...besides the fact that my outside gas line is leaking and I have to get a plumber out to my house for all kinds of work...yesterday was a really good day. I'm still on an emo rollercoaster due to events of the past few weeks but it's slowing down. The hills are few and far between these days. The words "I believe in us" kinda set the pace. Pretty soon I hope to be off this crazy ride and just coasting. I believe in THAT!

Alright...I've been waiting since 10:30pm for Baby May! ARGH!!!

Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway.

Something is wrong with me today and I feel a slight panic coming on. The hours have been crawling by which is getting under my skin. And I feel very emotional. I've been flipping between thinking I'm going to cry and thinking I'm going to have an anxiety attack (not because I feel anxious but because my heart is really thumping in there). I guess I feel nervous and there's just no reason for it.

I don't know what's going on with me today. TODAY, of all days, I should be nothing but SUPER PSYCHED! I mean, we're leaving for Heavy Rebel tonight! Sure, my laundry isn't done, I still need a few things from the store, and I'm not packed...but none of those things are bothering me. I know they'll get done before we hit the dusty trail. I want to be PUMPED, God damn it. I've been counting down this trip sincethere were 130 days to go! WTF!?!?!?!

I know...or I'm hoping to Sweet Zombie Jesus...that all of this tightness in my chest with dissolve once we're in the car, Todd and I are holding hands, Johnny is saying something ridiculous, and tunes are blasting. Maybe I'm just over-excited! In a way, this weird feeling in my chest sort of feels like extra adrenaline! And when you get too much adrenaline, you can tend to feel ill! Alright...I'm totally going to ride this wave. I don't feel well because I'm just too damn psyched for Heavy Rebel *has fingers crossed behind back*

Changing lanes, splitting hairs.

Last night was one of the best night's of my entire life. I woke up this morning knowing exactly where I stand and exactly where I belong, where I want to be. Questions I had were answered, promises were made, cloudy became clear (if you want me to be all femmy and poetic). I was told that I am solid, that I am a backbone, that I am someone to draw strength from...which is pretty damn cool. The pain from the past few weeks has been erased and I am totally at ease...and shocked. My heart is full. Life is good.

This is going to be the most amazing Heavy Rebel ever. How could it not be? Me, the love of my life/future husband, best friend on the planet, a couple (literally...man-n-wife) that means more to me than cheese, my out-of-town bestie...all together. All Chillaxing. All keeping each others minds off of the garbage that's going on back home in "the real world" of our daily lives. And all of our other local and long-distance buddies will be there with no other motive than to have massive amounts of fun. It's exactly what I need exactly when I need it.

I feel at ease since I'm done couting down the days.

Tomorrow, I will be hyper counting down the hours.

REJOICE! We made the right choice.

I've cashed my adorable government check (thanks, China) and have begun stimulating the economy by spreading the wealth around. Now I need my "economy" stimulated and the "wealth spread", if you catch my drift. And my "drift" needs catching, by the way. And what I mean to say is that I have Spring Fever...again. Va-voom! And it's not like last year where I was just leading with my vagina and I noticed every boy in the room (you tend to overdose on eye candy when your boyfriend is emotionally abusing you several times a week). Now it's just like I have a neon bar sign in my sights that is flashing my boyfriend's name with the stimulus bypassing my brain and going straight for my drawers. Trashy, I know. Dirty, and I like it. It's been hard to sit still today...is there an equivalent to "blue balls" for girls? Cause I've got it. The equivalent. Not the balls. I need a cold shower or wet towel. Or nakie boyfriend!

Pause. Regroup. Grow up. Focus.

...

...

I'm drawing blanks. I have nothing that isn't at least PG-13 to say! I could talk about how we spontaneously went to the movies last night and he whispered in my ear and pulled me close to him but THAT made me warm up. I could blather about how he fixed the bedroom TV and I planted myself in the nook while we watched Family Guy but we were all arms and legs and head rubbing and purring so THAT won't help me. Oh this morning? A morning that is usually started with a quick kiss, a hug, and an "I love you"? Yeah. Eff that just like your sister did the football team. This morning paved the way for my filthy brain to start patting itself on the back! I want to go home and get a "pat on the back" myself but nooooooooooo! I'm getting my wig done did by the foxy Anna Banana! But since I was informed that gettig a skunk stripe is going to get me married off...I betcha the clothes will go flying when I get home. Can someone please slap me on the back of the hand or something? Jesus.

...

...

Uh...I don't even feel like yapping about Heavy Rebel! DAMN!

I'm sure this feeling will end. It always does. It's fleeting...like an orgasm after a quickie! At least I'm not crying my eyeballs raw and hiccuping and hoping that a train will bust through my window and take me out! And for serious numb nuts...I'm never suicidal no matter how much I bawl. There's too many things I haven't done yet in life and too much fun to be had. There's always a calm after the storm or whatever. Plus, my vag would never forgive me if ghost intercourse was a let down. So just let me enjoy my frisky mood but don't stand too close to me. It could be contagious. Spring Fever is something that medical experts haven't spent nearly enough time studying. So says I...Nurse Lacey Cakes!

Don't go quietly.

I'm getting a skunk stripe! In my HAIR! A beautiful, frosty white skunk stripe just like the one Diane Freeling ended up with in Poltergeist after she and Carol Ann fell from the sky covered in Jell-O! I remember her asking Dana if she liked it and wasn't it punk rock...oh Poltergeist. What a piece of Cinematic GENIUS you are! SKUNK STRIPE! It probably won't be as white as I want it by Heavy Rebel (3 days!!! I think my uterus just fell out due to how PUMPED I AM) but it will be on it's way! Oh so frosty! Oh so skunky. And I'm not the only one who's super psyched about the Skunk Stripe. I have a text message in my phone that saus, "Yeah. Do it. Then I'll marry you". He would have married me any way but a fiancee/wife with a hot SKUNK STRIPE!?!?! Hot-diggity-dog!

Anal sex. Discuss.

Tomorrow is the first day of July which is always a vag-quaking month for me so I'm super amped! SUPER PSYCHED! Not only does July bring Heavy Rebel (3 days!!!) and the Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race featuring the Pussyfoot Girls (HOLY COW!), as well as other summer events (Ford Night at Summit), but I always get chomped on by the art bug!!! I've got paint on my hands and I'm LOVING IT! I want paint on my FACE! I have 2 paintings in the works for Potsie Shark Pants, 1 for Tommy Bones, 1 painting, a drawing, and a custom Munny in the works for some dude named Todd (heart-go-throb), and I'm getting ready to get-knitty-with-it so you guys are all styling in scarves for the winter!! AND...in addition to summer fun and art projects... we have babies due in July!! Jessica is going to pop out little (or BIG as it seems from photos) Izzy at the end of the month and Baby May is going to make an appearance any day now!! I love July. I want to MAKE LOVE to July.

I'm sort of over talking about my weekends. They tend to be such rollercoasters any more. I'll just weed through any weirdness (and the weirdness didn't last long...ended with some really kick-ass snuggle time) and tell you that fun was had. We went to Summit Mototsports Park on Saturday for the NHRA finals which was fun, despite having my chest vibrate and my ears explode. Todd took some pretty adorable shots of us. So adorable that I guarantee you'd throw up in your lap. Sunday we kidnapped some kids and took them to the park, got pizza, listened to them say and do ridiculous things. Kids are funny. They put on fake tattoos so little girls will chase them. I probably would have if I were 7. Regardless...the weekend is over and everyone made it out alive. And now there are 3 days until Heavy Rebel. THREE!

SKUNK STRIPE!

Gotta be a better way to punch my ticket.

I'm fighting a pretty gnarly headache right now. It feels like my brain is trying to force it's way out through two points at the top of my skull. Or out my eye sockets, which would be terrifying! Either way, something is going on inside my mellon that is akin to a very loud Motorhead concert inside a closet with no earplugs...or mediocre earplugs. I'm unfocused and unhappy, uncooperative and unproductive.

I've been incredibly stressed recently and it's creating chaos and havoc all up and down this body. That's probably WHY my brain is trying to escape. It probably wants to find a nice, comfy, stress-free body to chillax in. Last week, Todd and I thought I might have had a bun in the oven. Or a robotic wolf. Either way, we thought sperm met egg and something was cookin'. And I sort of FELT pregnant. I was showcasing all of the signs except the positive pee stick.

You can all chillax and pick your jaws up off the floor. Nothing is currently growing up in there. My body chose to bleed, not breed. It's the BEST THING for right now. We plan on being a little family one day but there are other steps we've gotta take first. Like growing up! I don't think just because you get knocked up you automatically become a mother. I'm not done being a Pussyfoot Girl and drinking beer and rocking out. Not just yet! And we want to get married (Hell...the whole wedding is planned down to what he's wearing and how I'm doing my hair). And we just started talking about the whole "moving in" thing. So mutant babies can wait. There's plenty of time.

Now I just have to get rid of this stooooooopid skull-crusher I have going on. The only thing that really helped me at all today was steel-banding an abraidable mold to ship to Canada. I just learned how to do it and something about how sweaty I was and all the gadgets I got to use and the satisfaction in the security of this pricey piece of...whatever it is...I felt when I was done sort of erased the pain momentarily. But I can't sit and steel band stuff all the live-long day! I'd be like one of those art fags that glues everything in sight! Don't let me be an industrial art fag...I beg of you.

For your lovin'. REAL LOVIN'.

I can smell the rain. Which is better than smelling earings, which I can ALSO smell right now. The rain smells good and cool and refreshing. My earring smell like the rotting corpse of a dead whole, stuffed in the springs of the bed. Since I can do anything about the scent od decay until I get home an disinfect these things, I'm inhaling as deeply as I can because the smell of rain makes me happy, especially warm rain. And I am STILL in a good mood...it needs to be maintained. Breathe in...breathe out. Maybe I'm all in love with the rain because a few weeks back, Todd and I returned from a show and we were both drunk and aggitated. So he suggested we go and sit in the rain. He sat in a lawn chair, I sat on his lap...we weren't aggitated after that. OR CLOTHED! Ka-pow! Rain is good stuff. Thumbs up.

Remind me to tell you the story of Nurse Lacey Cakes some day!

So this girl and this guy are exchanging text messages because that's what people do now a-days. She gets a picture message of a Taco Bell sauce packet that says, "Will You Marry Me?" on it. She reposnds cleverly with, "Ha ha. Duh". He takes that as a YES, as he should, and says, "OK. Good". She asks, as most girls would after being "proposed to" via text message, "Where's my ring?". Greedy scumbag! He informs her it's still at the pawn shop, which she says is romantic and tells him that someone they know has a ring that came from the pawn shop. "It's the thought that counts" is what the girl says, and it's true. The guy says...and the spelling may be altered or words changed..., "I'm gonna do you up right", followed by, "I mean shit (the word "shit" WAS actually included)...like I could possibly give you anything less that the best. You deserve MORE than the best". She says she doesn't need a ring, she just needs him for life. But she's getting a ring after he moves in, or so he says. They don't know when that will be...but the following day he informed her that he knows they were made for each other. She needed to hear that. They're going to be together forver. I'd bet everything I have on it.

I totally love that story!

That rain I was loving on a few minutes has officially made me exhausted. I need to put on pajamas and curl up, Skunk-n-Weasel style. I know there's a lot that I SHOULD be doing but what I FEEL like doing is being a bum. I want to change these God AWFUL, horrifically stanky, rotten earings, marinated in the tub for a minute or two, spray myself with something fruity, and veg out on the couch. I love my couch. It's possessed. If you think something is up with your life life or you're in some sort of sexual rut...which I am NOT, but still...come sit on my couch for awhile! With a man/woman, of course. I don't need you having a Battle Royale with your nether regions on my couch. Bachtracking...spending time with the man/woman you're hot for on my couch is basically like signing yourself up for bad behavior. You could be hating on one another but if you're on my couch...clothes FLY! Try it out. Experiment. Prove me wrong. Love that couch!

You knew you'd have yourself a ball!

Sweet Zombie Jesus, I'm in a amazingly good mooooooooood! I feel like I just ate a whole bag of Swedish Fish and than ran around in circles, that's how good of a mood I'm in. My current state of "awesomeness" started yesterday morning and just sort of evolved into this legendary k-rad mood. I feel like a million bucks...that just ate a whole bag of Swedish Fish and ran around in circles! Now mind you, I did neither of those things. But still, I feel boss. I'm all smiley and upbeat. People probably think I'm high as a kite. I'm not. I'm just pumped. I'm trying to harness this feeling because life has sucked like poison fish heads recently. I'll take pumped over poisoned any day of the week. I am going to be so hot with smile lines. And as a side note...I really like how my clothes are fitting today. I feel tall and fit and awesome. ROCK!

I cooked the fella some grub and then we hopped in the Mustang...which I look terribly awkward doing and I pretty much just fall into it...and went to Ford Night at Quaker Stake. We didn't even get out of the mobile, the cruise-in was so lame. But we had lots of laughs on the way. Since I am pretty much 8 years old inside, I am obsessed with buttons and dials and levers and that car is full of gadgets! Untouchable gadgets! They taunt me endlessly. BUT NO MORE! Because Todd designated me my own button!!!! "Lacey's Annihilation Button". It's green. At first when I fired it, it would give cancer to people who were going slow or getting in the way of the Mustang or people/businesses I just felt like destroying. But in thinking about it, giving cancer to people is not nice. So instead, my button will give them appendicitis, because THAT is horrific. You feel like you're going to throw up, sweat to death, and poo like mad all at once. And that's what my button does. So eventhough the car show was the pits, cruisin' around and giving people appendicitis with Todd was mad fun. We laughed and smiled a lot. And he said the button will help us in our battle against the world. That woke up the robotic wolves.

We polished off some beer and watched a movie. His hand on my leg and the smooching and the quick glances at each other were TOTALLY riling up the wolves. They were getting their feed on! It was like a first date but we were already totally in sync with each other. And at bed time, everything just felt RIGHT!! We can totally be ourselves with each other. I can even hop around the room using my blanket as a cape! And he laughs about it! He called me his Wonder Woman! He doesn't think I'm embarrassing or retarded! And yesterday, he was upstairs fiddling on the internet and I was downstairs chilling with Family Guy...and he said that he was falling even harder for me or falling for me all over again (or something like that) just listening to me laugh down there by myself. Little things like that...I'm so lucky. And HAPPY!!!!

I'm sorry. I hate being the girl who gets all gushy over her relationship like that's all my life revolves around. It's not. But it's really important to me and has been really important to me from the get-go. I'm protective of it. And of my heart. And if you refer back to how my former mood was much like poisoned fish heads...and some of you know what's been going on, to an extent...you'll allow me these few minutes of gushing. As long as I'm not gushing in my panites on your brand new silk covered chairs, right? I mean...that can only possibly happen ONCE. And I just got a text that says, "I love my silly gal". How cool is that? It's very cool. It's SUPER SWEET!

Just like a ninja.

I love you forever...til' death do us part.

I still can't stop listening to "Breakaway" by Detroit Cobras. And I HATE Detroit Cobras so it's getting a little un-nerving. Yet so damn catchy! And the lyrics seem so fitting in regards to certain relationships I've had in the past. I sing it really, really loud in my car, too. People have to think I'm either berzerk or just having a really, really good time. Usually when I sing along to songs...since I can NOT sing, unless you want your ears to bleed in agony...I think of what instrument I would be playing in the band if I was in the band. Usually it's guitar. With "Breakaway"...and "Lights Out" by Angry Samoans...it's always drums. Todd said I can beat on his drums so I'm pretty psyched. Then I can officially be well-rounded.

I just wrote two paragraphs about the weekend but they were neither interesting nor creative and God KNOWS it wouldn't be a proper blog if I didn't over use my adjectives! So wordy. I think I get that from Phoebe. Plus, I was busy text-flirting so my paragraphs were choppy and distracted. Text flirting is maybe my third favorite thing to do after holding hands and making out. There's been a lot of hand-holding since Thursday so I'm pumped. Regardless, the weekend was neither the best ever nor a total disaster. There were a few bumps...one bump, really...but that's to be expected since we're herding drama llamas right now (a girl I know said that phrase and I'm totally stealing it because it's boss). But overall...since Friday and Saturday morning were so boss and there was lots of hand holding and smooching Sunday at the movies...I'll give it a 7.

And coming up on your local news...

Lots of exciting adventures are right around the corner! Since I am adopting this new upbeat, positive, happy, "in it for life", only worrying about the people I care about, making the most out of what I'm given attitude, treating people as I want to be treated attitude...WHEW!...I am pretty psyched about everything that is up and coming. Going to Summit with Todd this weekend for...I'm not sure what for. Drag racing of some sort. We bought these tickets the week we started dating. Then, of course, HEAVY REBEL!!! Dragway 42 comes next (where we developed mini-crushes and started cyber-stalking). Then another trip to Summit, the BEST Jump In The Sac show YET (HEPTAAAAAAAAAAANES), Niagara Falls version 2.0, The Great Chicago Shake-Down featuring Tom, Carol and Johnny, and who knows what else. Having stuff to look forward to makes life better.

Just like when Todd puts extra, extra, extra cheese on my pizza!

Let me know...if you really want to go.

This week I have learned 2 very valuable lessons. They seem very "Lifetime Movie of the Week" but they're important lessons. They are extremely basic and fundamental but sometimes it takes a while to get the basics. Once you've mastered them, the rest is cake. Fundamentals are the building blocks of fun. I think I heard that in a Brittney Murphy movie. Regardless, here's what I've got so far on my road to be a full fledged grown-up and well rounded happy human being:

1. I am WAY stronger that I thought I was.

I have always thought I was a pretty, fairly strong person. I have my weak moments, everyone does. But overall, I have survived some pretty rough stuff in my 29 years. I've come out on top. I've held my head high. Especially after my divorce. Once an ex-boyfriend of mine told me I was the strongest person he has ever met (because I survived 4 years of terror with him). It is the greatest compliment I have received to date. I wore than compliment like a badge of honor. But I've been tested over the years. I've been especially tested THIS WEEK! You start questioning if you really have the backbone and strength you thought you did. And you know what? I'm even stronger and tougher than I thought I was!! I think if this week really implanted anything positive in my pebble-sized brain...it's that I KNOW I can make it through this life. People try to beat me down but I bounce back and I come back better than ever. I can handle anything thrown my way. I can handle anything you've got, whoever you are. Try me.

2. I am only NOW understanding what loving someone entails.

I even said this outloud. I heard myself, alone in my house, saying, "This is what it's like to really love someone". It was an amazing realization to make after a 2.5 year relationship, a 4 years relationship, a 2 year marriage, and a 3 year relationship post-divorce. I am only NOW truly understanding the sacrifice you make when you love someone. As everyone knows by now, I've had a bad week. I'm pretty much had a hole punched in my heart. Luckily, I think my heart is made of chrome these days...and it had support from my brain. I've learned that forgiving someone for something is one of the most difficult thing you can do in life, especially if you've been REALLY hurt. You forgive people when you really love them. You make sacrifices when you really love someone.

My ex-husband left me twice early in our marriage. Eventhough he came back committed, I couldn't forgive him so I never really let my heart back in. And our marriage failed. After this week...and what's gone on in my relationship...I knew that I had to be forgiving...and I feel good about it. I am not happy about what I've learned this week and I would have prefered that I knew all the facts up front, but what I do know is that we love each other. And SOME HOW, this whole mess made US stronger. If only you had been there last night...

Maybe I'll end up with a broken heart down the road somewhere. Or maybe I'll end up marrying the man of my dreams. After last night...I'm betting on the wedding bells (and dancing to a Bouncing Souls song). When a person tells you they are sorry, and means it, you can waste time being mad, or you can forgive and go on with the awesome life you have together. What's better? Hostility, resentment, and tears...or you and them vs. The World?

That's what I thought.

So enjoy your weekend, loves of my life. If you have nothing to do, or even if you have something to do...cancel, come down to The Sac and GET TANKED with The Pussyfoot Girls. Performing will be The Cocktail Shakers, Death By Rodeo, Thunder Thighs (LAST SHOW) and Switchblade Saints! Contests, prizes, raffles, DJ Hot Trash spinning tunes...all for $7. Doors are at 8:00 and bands are at 9:00p on the DIZ-OT. Pussyfoot Girls are performing between the first and second band and again between the third and fourth...I think. Don't quote me on that. As always, The Sac is located at 7001 Denison Ave. in Cleveland. See you there...and wear a tank top/wifebeater for drink discounts and specials.

VIVA!

She will shine like a new girl.

Yesterday will very well go down as one of the worst days of my life. I'd be willing to write the date down on a list in my own blood. It felt very much like when my husband left me. Same physical and emotional effects, but worse. I didn't leave my bed. I sat in the dark in silence for the longest time. Finally, I decided to at least put on a box set so I wouldn't just be alone with my thoughts. Never got around to eating anything though. That's typical when I'm emotionally riled up. It's been about...38.5 hours since I had any real food. My appetite took a hike. I actually sat there thinking, "How did I end up here? What a mess."

I'm not going to go into the blood-splattering gore. Just know it was a nightmare of a day. And the nightmare revolved around my relationship. We didn't break up...maybe we did, but we're together now. We're in it for life like we've always been. I really wish I could tell the whole story so I can explain but thinking about it all too much will just hurt me. I'm too cool for all this pain. I don't deserve what I got. And I think the people involved know that's true. Anyway, I'm currently invested in getting us back to where we were. Todd-n-Lacey vs. The World. We'll get there. Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.

So there you have it! I'm done pouting. I'm done weeping! I've got my backbone BACK! My heart is a little worse for the ware but he'll fix it. He promised. I know that yesterday turned me into a person I couldn't even look at in the mirror but it was only temporary. I just have to shake this nervous feeling that's looming. He told me that won't go away in a day and he's right. He knows what he did wrong. I know what he DIDN'T DO at all. There's no point in talking about this anymore. I just wanted anyone who was worried about me to know...you can still worry. But I think I'll be OK, eventually.

Love all of your guts!

I want to start a new life
With my valuable hunting knife
She will shine like a new girl
And I want to shout out our love to the world (Hit it!)

Everything I think about, I think about...
Everything I talk about, I talk about with you
But you don't know what I go through
You don't know

Days, they will turn into nights
But my valuable hunting knife
It will not rust through the tears
And it will not lose its appeal over years (Come on!)

Everything I think about, I think about...
Everything I talk about, I talk about with you
But you don't know what I go through
You don't know

I'll never know
I'll never know
And then I will run
And then I will. . .
And then I will hide
And then I will. . .
And then I will run
And then I will. . .
And then I will hide

Bow in the presence of greatness.

As you may have noticed, avid readers, I deleted yesterday's blog. I have only deleted 2 other blogs since 2001. I shouldn't have but did. What I had to say should really be said face-to-face. So I'll make that happen if I have to. I am NOT a person who is only tough on paper. Anything I said, I'd say to someone's face. So...putting that one to bed. I'm done with it.

In lighter, fluffier, cuter news, I am building the "BEST BACK SEAT" trophy for this year's Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race!!! I made my request to Jim and he was all about it. Not only will I be building the trophy and entering it in "BEST TROPHY" contest. Then I get to actually judge you will get the trophy for "BEST BACK SEAT". I told Todd about my design plan last night and he seemed really pumped about it. Than made me feel pretty boss. It's good to have art projects to do (yes, Potsie, your 2 paintings are top priority...even over Todd's Munny which he's been waiting for since...April...boy, I'm delayed).

Anyway, I really want to win "BEST TROPHY" but I'm not holding my breath. Can't wait to test out all those back seats! I need to develope some sort of criteria for how they will be judges. As I've said, it's best back seat as in Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Hubba, hubba. Where's my bra? Is that the cops!?! I figured if the car passes the visual test (I'm not getting a spring up thisbackside...it's a hot commodity), I will then crawl back there and see how awesome I feel. If I feel awesome and the car is still qualified...well...that's where the criteria list is still in the developement stages. I have 5 weeks to get my bullet points down.

And of course...the 3rd Saturday of the month is straight ahead so it's time to Jump In The Sac with The Pussyfoot Girls! Per usual, doors are at 8:00, bands (4 this month...YOWZA) are at 9 on the dot. The theme is GET TANKED so wear a tank top of wife beater for drink specials. Cocktail Shakers, Death By Rodeo, Thunderthighs, Switchblade Saints, and of course, the lusty, busty Pussyfoot Girls. I just wanted to rhyme lusty and busty today. We're not that full of ourselves, yo. DJ Erin from "Hot Trash" will be spinning tunes. I'm be cruisin' around (but not getting drunk...putting beer on the back burner cause I haven't been feeling like myself lately) so come say HELLO! Shake my paw.

I really wish I had some Wacky Mad Libs. Sigh...

I heard your heart beating true.

I don't even know what I feel like saying today. I'm half hyper and my motor is really revving and I'm half exhausted and need to shove some toothpicks up in these lids. Neither is helping me feel very settled right now. It's a weird and sort of uncomfortable combination. Probably not the prime time to empty my brain on the page for posterity but whatever. In hind-sight, I guess I'll want to have record of every kind of day I lived. Right now, I'm bored, hot-in-the-pants, and struggling to function, all while being highly annoyed by a dinosaur-sized house fly (that isn't in my house). In my book, that's blog time!


We're packing up the Cat-Mobile (I use to call it "Earl" but I'm sort of over that title. Earl was my friend. He is my friend. And he's big and black, like my car...but I haven't seen him in awhile and the novelty has worn) on Saturday and trucking on down to Toledo for the "Makin' Junk Run" car show, following in the footsteps of Grimm-n-Jim. RUN ON SENTENCE! YOWZA! Anyway, I really need this right now. I need some one-on-one time with Todd outside of the bedroom and off the couch, just for a little while. I think he needs some fun and I think I'm the girl he should have it with. G-Rated, X-Rated, whatever. I can't reach in an massage his brain...without bloody and lethal consequences...so I'm going for an alcohol-fueled, rockin'-out sort of remedy. I suspect positive results.

And before we ditch down like those 2 outlaws in that Steve Miller song...by the way, I just recently learned that after they store the money, SHE stole it from HIM..., we're going to see Miss Firecracker One Woman band on the west side and THEN going to see Cult of the Ps...ARRRRRRRRRRGH! I just massacred that house FLY! Fluids were FLYING! It reminded me of being in bed with Todd, but only slightly more gruesome. I usually don't want to vomit after a good tussle. BLECH! I hate flies. Where was I? Cult of the Psychic Fetus is opening for my pals and yours (maybe not YOURS)...Sasquatch and The Sick-a-Billies! Who's psyched??? THIS GUY!

I don't really even feel like talking about anything any more after the fly incident. I can see him in my garbage can and one of his buddies is circling. Plus, every time I talk about how stoked I am for the weekend...something blows up in face and I just can't take that kind of let down right now. I want to sleep in, I want cocktails, I want to rock out, I want to smooch, I want to hold hands, I want to wear my FORD tank-top, I want to hug Natalie, I want to watch Dave drool, I want to paw old cars, I want to cruise with the tunes on (OOH! Road trip set list has to be made tomorrow!!! Not that Toledo is far...or awesome...), I want to have hotel sex, I want to NOT have a hangover. I want a lot. I just want to have some fun. And I want Todd to have fun. And F-U-N quotient looks promising.

I just decided right now that I'm going to document the whole weekend in pictures. Did I mention it's a long weekend that's starting in 20 minutes?!? You guys are in for some photographic treats come Monday, let me tell YOU! Yeah...I'm smiling right now. The only thing that would make this weekend better is if I uncontrollably burst out laughing during sex which prompted Todd to do the same. Oh WAIT. Let me try again...the only thing that would make this weekend better is if I had a tattoo instructing me on how to use chopsticks tattooed on my forearm. But that's coming soon. What WOULD make this weekend better???

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Just to think, you were just passing by.

I just looked down at my calendar to see what the countdown was until we leave for Heavy Rebel (24 days, bitches) and almost threw up all over it. This week in my little life is jam-packed solid like sardines in a can! Like clowns in a clown car! Like genitals in a porn star's holes! Yeah, I grossed myself out with that one. Feel a little dirty now. Walk it off. Anyway...Yikes! Stripes! I'm going to actually need to schedule time to shower and sleep at this rate! I guess it's better to have a full dance card than be a wallflower. Or something sappy like that.

Today: Work on new PFG routine.
Tuesday: PFG practice.
Wednesday: Delivering fliers and JITS meeting.
Thursday: Iron Maiden at Blossom.
Friday: Miss Firecracker AND Sasquatch shows!
Saturday: Company picnic thing and Jen's party.
Sunday: Father's Day.
Monday: DROP DEAD!!!

This isn't really sex. This isn't really life.

John "Dynomite" Jackson once refered to masturbating as "having a Battle Royale with your nether regions". I thought that was probably the most profound and entertaining statement of my lifetime. And I've heard A LOT of mind-blowing things. I do watch Adult Films, from time to time. I felt the need to capitalize that...Adult Films...because to me, they are cinematic genius! I could tell you a story about a girl painted in all silver spending some time with a unicorn and a guy in a ballerina costume but I don't want to set your brain a'blaze. Why all the smut?

Spring Fever is raping my brain!

I can not stop thinking dirty. Not even DIRTY, per say, but I can not stop thinking about Todd. And I'm all filled up with butterflies as if I just met his ass yesterday. Butterflies and dirty, that's what's filling me up right now. I can tell I'm blushing. I can feeeeeeel it! My mouth is dry and my heart is pounding. In fact, one of the things that is occupying my thinking happened just last night. We were chest to chest and silent for a long time, catching out breath and he asked me what I was thinking about (always sex-ay). What was I thinking baout, honestly? I could not tell which heartbeat was his and which was mine. I have to stop thinking. I have to put all thoughts of Todd out of my head or I will not make it through this day. I love that fucking weasel so it's hard to stop. Hard to quit. Think about baseball. Think about baseball.

Literally.

The weekend looks like it has some potential despite the fact that my big ass is officially in da poor house. After a MAJOR financial set back at home and a major financial set back at work, there is nothing in my wallet but moths. Nothing. Not even a condom I've been harboring since high school. I was supposed to go to the Spook Show but that's been scrapped. After this anal-rape of a week I've had, I can NOT just sit home and stew. I don't want to be miserable and sad! I'm the cheerleader! I'm the fixer-upper! So here's what I'm 'bout to do:

Tonight I am going to sit in the sweltering heat and watch my nephew play baseball. He asked me to come to his game and he's almost 19 so this is most likely his last year with the city. So there I'll be. It's free. Following that, I'm going back to his house to swim because I will be on fire, the water will be icy, and there will be beer and food, care of my sister and her hubby. FREE! And then I will chill...dirty style...with Todd. Friday...check!

Saturday...Spook Show day, sniff...Johnny and I are having our second official drinking contest day! We had it once during that horrific snow storm where no one could go anywhere...yet Tom and Carol managed to walk to a bar, my heroes. The official start time is 1:00p and we're going to see who can consume the most in a 12 hour period. You can pace yourself if necessary. All that matters is who is left standing (or laying or throwin up) in the largest pile of empties. We'll watch movies and eat food. It will be almost virtually FREE. Almost. I am the reigning champ so I intend to win. You'd be stunned how much beer you can consume if you wear pajama pants all day. Gives you room to bloat. Saturday...CHECK!

Sunday is for pure recovery. I'm going to watch the race. I might cook chicken. I might clean my closet. I'll probably be an utter sloth, glued to the tube. Maybe I'll ride my bike. I should probably work on Karen's paintings. I should for sure finish the great basement project of 2008. I should certainly pay a little more attention to my recent head injury. As of right now, Sunday is wide open and oozing with possibilities. All of which ARE or MUST BE free...cause mama in the poor house.

So that's life. Filthy. Lovin' it.

Not lost but gone before.

Emotions. Can I get rid of them? Can I feed them to your snake? Will your snake eat my emotions? When Karen and The Tigers put out their death metal album, I hope there is a song on it called, "Will Your Snake Eat My Emotions?".

Going to see The Breeders tonight. I wasn't really that pumped about it to be honest (sorry, Johnny) but their new album is amazingly good. Especially the song "German Studies". I hate how the German language sounds (sorry Germans), maybe because I can't speak it and anyone I know who TRIES to speak it sounds like their on the verge of hacking up lungs and tossing guts. Not attractive. No desireable. This song, this album...good stuff. Now I'm pumped.

I woke up early this morning and had breakfast with Todd before he went to work. I've only done this twice but both times, I've missed him twice as much during the day which is annoying. Like getting carbon fiber on your skin. Oh the agony of having those little black fibers on my HANDS!!! Nightmare. Total and utter.

Regardless...Todd and I had some ruff-n-rocky spots this week which were about as annoying as the aforementioned carbon fabric. But we're back to being total knock-outs. I guess if you don't have a brawl or a spat every now and again then you won't be inclined to send your girlfriend texts that say, "Have I told you lately how much I'm in love with you?". Knocks my socks right off. Every day.

Told my mom I felt queasy. Hates it. Makes her nervous.

Feelign queasy makes me nervous also. GULP!

I look at you. Looks like everything's better.

Today feels like the Titanic is sinking all over again. Why can't the boat just SINK!? Why can't the day just END!? Crabby? Yeah. I'm a little crabby. I'm a little concerned. And I'm a little sexually frustrated. All these things together do not make for a tasty and effective cocktail. They make for a mother-trucking TIME BOMB! I want to get in my car, listen to Teen Idols REAL LOUD, and just be fucked-up for awhile. I tried to address what's bugging me but I got what I like to call "The One Word Fuck You"...one word answers or short, infrequent blow-offs. Nothing was addressed. My skin is still crawling. Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad at anyone. I'm just irritated. It's like wetting your pants and then being forced to sit in your wet pants. I'm not talking diaper rash or anything. I'm talking full-on adult sitting in wet panties...clingy wet drawers. That's my level of annoyance currently. I wish I had "Let's Make Noise" on my I-Pod. I would blast that jam until 480 got shakey.

I'm going out tonight and that's that. I want to be my old, rock-n-roll, Sharky self. I'm gonna get dressed, get tipsy and rock out. Even if I have to do it alone. I used to go to shows alone. I used to go to shows all the damn time. One year I saw over 100 DIFFERENT bands! Where have THOSE days gone? Why have I sacrificed so much of myself and what I love? I'm not one thousand years old. I can go out on a work night and just be awesome. Not worrying what other people are thinking and doing. I'm screwing up left and right in certain aspects of my life. I know this. Shark Attack! Records? Fuck. I threw up all over that because I let personally issues fuck up my goals. And school? Suckah, please. What happened to the version of me that DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK!?!?!?!

That's who I am today. I'm that girl. I'll wear my Lost Sounds shirt to prove it.

How do you like me now?

Who do I do this for...HEY...me or you?

"They" say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I say that absence makes your heart take on a life of it's own which sometimes includes trying to escape from inside your chest cavity using brutal force and prison weapons. I think absnece makes your heart want to commit murder and run wild in the streets spewing jello-y blood and guts! The absence that my heart had to endure (endure...like I was being tortured rather than on a bad-ass Disney World vacation) from Thursday until yesterday was pure agony on that tuff, little, bloody muscle! But it's back to thumping and pumping as it should and no lives were lost. No injuries sustained. Important realizations were made though. I really, truly am in love. Not that I had doubts before (NO DOUBTS). I'm a lucky ducky to have a fox like Todd and I know it...his hotness is just a perk though...it's what's gonna on inside that gets my motor revving. But the separation...no matter how small...just solidified the fact that I am going to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to cover his face in saliva until death.

Now that the mush and gush is out of the way...

Family vay-cay was a blast and a half, like doing a shot of expensive Vodka and having someone punch you in the face! Sure, I got too much sun and tossed my cookies and yeah, I miss Todd so much that I went all zombie a few times, and blah, I missed a Pussyfoot show that went really well...but it was really amazing. I got to ride Tower of Terror (after a beer and a milkshake...dummy) and the Haunted Mansion (twice), I saw the Little Mermaid show, we ate in Japan at Epcot, I had a German beer and French martini, I shopped, I swam, I got in quality time with my little nieces and nephew. It all was good stuff...stuff that life-long memories are made of. One of my FAVORITE memories made on this trip will be when my boyfriend who loves me sent me drunk text messages telling me how much he HATED ME for leaving him. The one that said, "HATE! HATE! HATE!" may have very well be my favorite. I hope we can print all those affectionate sentiments on our wedding invitations!

37 days until Heavy Rebel. My heart is purring in anticipation.

You have a thousand things in front of you.

I'm not getting all Carrie Bradshaw on you asses but when are things too good to be true? I'm currently text flirting with my own boyfriend! That's so damn silly and yet whenever his name pops on my screen, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I get ants in my pants (at least, I hope they're ants and not, like, Herpes). Some "people" have been worried that I'm going to overthink how good things are (due to a past that pretty much makes me want to projectile vomit clotty blood in your face) and flip like a stack of pancakes. Well, "people" (a.k.a. Phee-Bizzle), I'm not flipping. No flapjacks here. I'm appreciating every little second of this relationship to the best of my effed-up ability. I'm drinking it in like a would a frosty cocktail. This guy...my guy...is so good for me that I MUST believe I did something right in this life or another. Maybe when you take as many emotional sucker punches as I have and keep getting back up...you're bound to get dealt a good hand. Too many analogies? Boxing? Poker? I don't know. My brain is tired and I'm rambling. I'm just all lovin' on Todd and I want this in print because I don't doubt that something gruesome will happen in some other aspect of my life and I want to remind myself that I've got somethign good going on. And that good thing isn't going anywhere. He promised.

Now that I'm done shooting love out of all my sockets and onto your eyeballs, I can say that this was a phat weekend and it has me all exhausted. Even my hair is tired. And I said "phat". That's what happens when your brain needs a nap. I was going to list off all the amazing things I did this weekend but blather, rot, kill, die. I just don't feel like it. I feel like putting on pajamas, making myself a cacoon and sleeping until my weasel...weasels. We took the best nap together yesterday. Our FIRST nap after a ball-kicking-good breakfast with all my besties. It was one of those moments where my belly was fully, my body was tired, and I thought, "I can't possible be any more comfortable or happy than I am right now". Unless of course my skin was made out of pajamas. Luckily, I'm leaving for vacation on THURSDAY!! Unfortunately, it's the kind of vacation that you come back exhausted from. Drat. But I'm going to make sweet love to every minute of it.

I have to interject and say...I smell a hot dog.

Regardless...the entire time Todd and I have been dating, we've only slept apart ONE TIME and that was Friday and it was miserable! It was like being scalped. Or having my ovaries removed by demons. It was like the robotic wolves had been starved to the brink of death and were slowly picking me apart. It was a nightmare. I don't want to sound all girly but...it was a nightmare. And I've got 4 nights alone in a hotel room coming up. Nightmare! I either suspect carnage or cocktails. In bulk. So...yeah, an entire docu-blog on how mind-blowing and vag-quaking my boyfriend is. I am almost 30 years old, for screaming bloody murder out loud! I guess I should be thankful that I can still feel this way, right? That my heart hasn't turned into chrome? Yeah. Shut the Hell up, dummy.

What's the name? What's the game?

I'm starting to be a firm believer in the theory that boys always get their periods. Sure, they my not gush jello-y gunk from their junk, but man, some of the dudes I know can get moodier than bitches! I know I sounds thuggish but I theorize about my theory and I roll with the words that come out, no matter how thuggish-ruggish. So as I've been living through these male menstrual moments, I've decided that if I am this nutso when I'm shedding my uterine lining, I might as well just go into hiding because I must be BATTY! Anyway, boys, take some Midol (which is the best way for Ben to cure a hangover, or so I hear) and chillax. It'll all be over soon, I promise. And if not, you're going to get one of posterior paws up your rear...since you are vag-less.

What did this story MEAN? It means that boys are confusing and therefore my brain hurts.

You know what cures a hurty brain? A visit from one of your besties that you haven't seen since BEFORE X-Mas. I've been a bad friend and deserve to have my hand smacked. Maybe my face, too...lightly. Maybe you could give my hair a little tug, too. This paragraph is starting to lose it's PG rating. Regardless, Queen B is coming in and we have 24 hours of non-stop rockin' and rollin' "Punch Drunk Summer" style. We're going to sit around and gossip like chicks do for awhile, then I'll be getting my 'do done did for Ladies Night at The Sac, then we'll be chowing down Japanese-stylie (!!!), of course there will be pre-show grooming to do as I turn from Lula into Patti Cake, and then we'll be doing it up at The Sac! Not only do I lurve drinking with Becky...but she has NEVER seen The Pussyfoot Girls before! INSANITY! I predict there will be shots, beers, shots-n-beers, dancing, hugging, and hangovers. And FLAPJACKS! Life is good when Becky is around. Nothing seems THAT BAD when she's here spreading the love around. Don't make that sentence dirty or I'll bust your mug.

So I have to get through the rest of today and tomorrow which shouldn't be hard because my heart and brain seem to functioning just fine. I should be able to live through the weekend. Man, my bladder is sure talking to me though, YEESH! I have high hopes for this weekend and it's filth and gore potential. My 3 besties and my boyfriend in one place. Amazing. My vagina is starting to quake just thinking about it. If I didn't have to go grocery shopping after work, I'd shoot straight home to watch a dirty movie and rid myself of some of this INTENSITY that is building up deep within my being!!!

I'm freaking out with FUN. I gotta scram.

I'm just gonna scream and shout!

It's so quiet where I am right now. Quiet and cold and sad. I'm itching to get on with my day because I have a "to do list" that is one million miles long. If every Chinese person in the world walked by, the line would never end. And THAT is my "to do list". That was not original material but it is exaclty fitting. I have to grocery shop because bitches gotta feed, and pussies, too. I have to finish at LEAST mine and Karen's routine to "Sisters" for Saturday and to go along with THAT task, I have to get two fans since it's a semi-fan dance! THEN there's my OWN solo dance which has a foundation but needs to be revved up a bit. And of course, the kitchen needs to be cleaned, the basement needs to be finished, there's showering and grooming to do, and I would LOVE to have my boyfriend lay on top of me for awhile. So I guess I'll come up for air sometime around...Friday. Fuck.

The weekend was pretty boss, even if Todd and I lost about 3-4 hours of our life in some sort of vortex. The oddest things happen to us after we leave the Jigsaw. It's like when the Maitland's left there house and encountered sandworms with no concept of time or distance. Regardless, we saw bands, we drank, we socialized, we looked adorable, and we fell in love all over again which was actually part of the plan all along. Saturday we were bums but Sunday we were mega-productive so I guess we don't need spankings. But we might WANT them. Now I'm couting down the milliseconds until this weekend. My plan is to chillax major on Friday and then Saturday, not only is there a Pussyfoot show at The Sac, but Queen B is coming to visit, weather catastrophe pending! I think I need a little Becky time to bring me a few steps further away from the ledge. I've been feeling great lately (and my entire family said I looked amazing...my Grandma said I'm a new person...thank you, Todd) but when she's around...I feel better.

That's pretty much the Cliff's Notes version of my life right now. Busy. Psyched. Hot in the pants. I wish I had some gorey details for you to make my life seem more intense or dramatic but right now...it's domestic. And that can be applied to both my house cleaning/cooking/nesting AND my beer intake. I haven't gone soft. I'm just coasting. Cruising, if you will. I'm sure I'll be "piggy drunk" as Carol High Hair says on Saturday, and I plan to recover with flapjacks on Sunday. All my bills are paid up, I'm weeding things out, I'm sucking up as much time as my friends will let me. I'm a happy gal. I'm a lucky gal. Come to The Sac on Saturday and see how happy and lucky I am!!! 52 days to Heavy Rebel. 10 days to Disney World.

*MUAH*

You always have to make your own fun.

I'm going to jump right in. Dive head first into the menstrually bloody pool of the Blog-o-Sphere. The visual that is coming into my brain (which is currently shut off) is when Diane Freeling slid inot the recently dug foundation of their swimming pool while it was raining...at night...and caskets emerged with things resembling Angelina Jolie popping out. Yes, blogging these days reminds me of drowning with the rotting corpses of Native Americans. Pantie-wetting terror. I used to be so good at this. And I have such a vaginally-satisfying summer on the hoizon that I NEED to have a hard copy of. A hard and erect copy for posterity. I need to get back on my GAME, muthatruckers. And that is my promise to you...to slather your brains in seepage and gore that is produced by my life. That promise is brought to you by the letters T, M, and the number 5. Wow...I didn't dive in at all!! I belly-flopper per usual! Jack-ass.

So I put in my request for Heavy Rebel vacation days and it was approved!!! I practically tore open my shirt and yelled GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAALLLLL! But no one would have understood my excitement. Just thinking about piling in the Grey Ghost with my favorite Ol' Kentucky Sharks (Gills McHigh Hair, Shark Bones, Guest Starring Sharko, Johnny Sharko...and the as-yet-un-named Shark that I'm in lurve with), makes my eyeballs liquify. It has the potential to be the best year ever. It has the potential to erase my brain, and THAT is what I am after these days. I just want to put on some flip-flops, pile up my hair, and get sweaty, drunk, and obnoxious with the people I love and the people I have F-U-N with. There is no reason to be so stressed all the time! There is NO REASON why every time I take a shower, my stress tried to escape my body in the form of BLOOD POURING OUT OF MY FACE (I've been having a lot of nose bleeds recently...not facial stigmatas or anything). There's on 58 short days which is NOTHING since I started the countdown at 130. I used to have very little to look forward to...

In other news, I'm still in love. We "broke out fight cherry", as my "out of town bestie" Rocko says. In was pretty gnarly for a first major blow out. I was throwing ineffectual mental fists left-n-right. For a minute, I was ready to run for the hills because it felt like all too familiar territory with the yelling and the crying and the anger. But for whatever reason, we get over humps and fights and brawls so quick. So it's over now and we're all in lurve and shtuff again. I knew I was a happy clam with a happy clam when I just passed out on his lap at 9:00p while he passed out on my back. You might call us "old, tired fucks"...I call us "in it for life". And life is LONG! It requires an early bed time here and there. Bottom line...he's changing my life day by day. This thing on my face? It's called a smile and I dig it!

Alright...before I drown you by blowing a gigantic load of "emo" all over your face, I'll just tell you about a few upcoming punches on my dance card. I hope to see as many of you as possible at as many of these things as possible. Let me trade in the misery I've been covering you all in over the past 3 years for some good ol' fashioned awesomeness. And I promise, I'm going to keep all of y'all more up to date on the happenings of my little life. I mean, I'm sure that you would be have the person you are if you didn't know that while in Canada, Todd suggested we buy our wedding rings with the Skee-Ball tickets we accumulated. That's something that needs to be carved in stone, right there...though our grotesquely large knucles sort of made our gummy rings useless).

CALENDAR OF KICK-ASS-NESS

5/8 - Meatmen @ The Jigsaw

5/9 - Lords of the Highway and Uncle Scratch @ The Jigsaw

5/10 - Miss Firecracker One Woman Band @ Nemeth's

5/17 - Ladies Night w/ The Pussyfoot Girls @ The Sac

5/22 to 5/29 - DISNEY WORLD!!

6/3 - The Breeders @ House of Blues

6/12 - Iron Maiden @ Blossom

6/13 - Sasquatch and the Sick-a-Billies @ The Beachland

6/21 - Get Tank's w/ The Pussyfoot Girls @ The Sac

7/3 to 7/7 - HEAVY REBEL WEEKENDER ADVENTURE!

7/12 - The Pussyfoot Girls @ Rockabilly Deluxe 4!

7/19 - The Pussyfoot Girls @ Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race!

8/16 - The Pussyfoot Girls w/ THE HEPTANES @ The Sac

Annnnd...I'm spent.