I close my eyes to see your determined face.

I just made the sign of the cross. And not at all in a mocking way. Sheeesh.

Right now, at this very moment, Todd is taking his CDL test and I am a wr-r-r-r-reck. I keep catching myself holding my breath and focus is out the window! I'm trying to be patient and positive but I am on edge and have all my fingers and toes crossed. I have total faith that he can pass the test and I've tried to be encouraging. I've just known a lot of guys who have failed...mostly do to the pre-trip inspection...but he knows his shtuff. I don't want him to fail. Not because I'll think of him as a failure because I would NOT. Last night we were rocking some Yahtzee and he asked me if I'd be proud of him if he passed. That's why I want him to...I want him to be proud of himself. ARGH! I just want word. Pass? Fail? WHAT!?!?!

I said I'd bake him a cake if he passed. I'll bake one regardless.

I was already to blog on about some troubling news I received which kept me up ALL night but I'm just too mentally exhausted from thinking about it and too amped from waiting for NEWS! Yesterday should have been a good day...Todd moved in a whole car-load of stuff! Cohabitating is truckin' right along! But all that excitement and awesomeness was just squashed by the big foot of reality. I feel like a fuck-up today. But I'll set it straight. I always do. My ulcer is going to be soooo big and amazing, I can just feel it in my bones. And in my stomach lining.

I have both Veruca Salt and Belly simultaneously playing in my skull.

I think I am going to resurrect my "Picture Of The Day" blog in order to entertain Potsie Shark-Pants, which I feel is my mission in life. I'm just not sure if I want to post a picture/pictures that I take on a daily basis or if I just want to post any picture from my collection (it's a big and entertaining collection that will blow your mind all over your face). I'm hesitant to post a picture that I take every day because what if nothing happens? Do you really want to look at a picture of my foot? And do I want to make them black-n-white like I did last time? Oh the options are overwhelming!! I do NOT need this stress right now!

Skunk...OUT!

Cause you're so good so far.

If you missed Family Guy on Sunday, go murder yourself NOW!

We managed to jam-pack a lot of fun, activity and adventure into one tiny and compact weekend so of course, my back is sore, my head aches, my legs feel like lead, and I'm bleeding vaginally. But that last one is a more than welcome ailment. Way to go, Nature!

The Halloween Spooktacular opening at Low Life was more than I could have hoped for. The gallery is nifty and intimate. And all the Halloween/horror/creepy art made me feel right at home. And alright, so I was nervous about how my painting would stand up to the rest of the bunch. An e-mail from the owner telling me he loved it and it anchored a wall nicely helped. Phoebe saying EVERYTHING she said pre/during/post-show helped. Seeing it on the wall from the street helped. Seeing people point at it and say they loved it helped. I'm pround of myself. Now hopefully it sells!

I want a solo show at Low Life more than ANYTHING now and am currently working on that. Everyone's eyes and ears and vaginas will be bleeding once I find out for sure. It will be plastered everywhere and I'll probably be buried alive so I shut up about it. I can handle it. I'm one tuff cookie. Regardless...stay tuned. And on that note, thanks to Todd, Tom and Carol, and Johnny for coming to the opening night reception and being all sexy and supportive. A special thanks to Carol for bringing those BOOBS! And an extra-special thanks to Phoebe for bringing painting back into my life. Filled a major void. I love you and would one day like to cover you in paint. But we can discuss that in private.

Then there was the campout...

The campout was an amazing amount of fun, per usual. We set up camp (Camp Coolsville, I'll call it) and the fellas went fishing. 8 fish in a row (some repeat offenders). There was a scavenger hunt for the kiddies. There was yummy food. There were bad-ass pumpkins. There was a Haunted Forest. There was a romantic/creepy moonlight snuggle by the pond. There were S'Mores. There was my new favorite photo...of Todd and Molly fake burping. And then there was sleeping...and freezing...and my ass turning into an ice-block. But we survived and had fun together. We'll all be back next time. I'll be 31 next time. Eek!

Oh, Talladega? GO SMOKE!

Camping is exhausting so Sunday was lazy. We did make an extensive list of things we want to do around the Ol' Kentucky homestead to make it better-n-brighter-n-more kick-ass (if that's at all possible). It's going from mine to ours and I'm proud to say that we've been accomplishing a lot lately. Like real, live, responsible grown ups! Who knew we had it in us???

Go to Low Life! See my painting! Up until November 3rd!

It's the new sensation and it's here to stay.

Get out of your comas, dust off your lazy bones, put on some pants and celebrate October, and more importantly, HALLOWEEN! Where can you do this so early in the month, ghouls-n-boys? At the Halloween Spooktacular: a group artist show at Low Life Gallery on Waterloo Rd. in Cleveland.

Beachland Ballroom, Music Saves, Shoparooni, and...Low Life! You know how to get there and you KNOW you want to support all things local. So put down that whiskey bottle and stop beating your wife. Come to the Halloween Spooktacular and spend some money on local, Halloween-themed art. The lovely Phoebe Marie has 6 Halloween Dunnys in the show and I have one painting titled "Wasted Life With Disastrous Results" (I was a late entry...thanks Dave...and am not on the flyer). Many (if not all???) works are priced for sale.

And even if you don't buy anything (cheapskates), you can admire it. In FACT you can admire it from tonight through November 3rd. But tonight is the opening reception...from 7:00 to 10:00... so why put it off? I know I'll be there. So be there.

When you're around me...I'm somebody else.

I hate Pink Floyd. And Rush. I hate, HATE Rush. It doesn't matter to me if your drum kit has 23 pieces or whatever. If your band is downright awful, no amount of drum kit options are going to help you escape from life in Suckville or Misery Town.

So where was I at 8:00p last night? Sleeping off the sleeping pill that I took to help me sleep Tuesday night! That little, tiny bastard was a MACHINE! It lasted 24 exhausting hours and made me feel like one of those coma victims that can hear everything going on around them but can't react!!

I once knew a girl who contracted some disease after being chomped by a mosquito and it out her into a coma for 2 weeks. She could hear everyone talking to her at all times, being encouraged to do so by her doctor. She said she just wanted to SCREAM for them to shut the Hell up! When she finally came out of the coma, she had trouble controlling the speed of her speech. That was me yesterday. Mosquito bite-enduced coma victim.

"Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" has so much potential to rock my drawers off, that it will probably suck the will to live out of me. I should stopped getting psyched about it right now and spare myself the disappointment. I'd see it Friday after the art show and get it over with if I wasn't in the red right now. Probably for the best.

Watched half of the "Sex and The City" movie last night...again. Saw it in theaters with Phoebe but wasn't paying much attention. It was the night after a fight via text...and I would learn until later what ELSE was going on that night. Regardless, watching it at home, in my bed, in the dark, in a foul mood...the scene where Carrie learns that Big isn't coming to the wedding...I wanted to roll over and throw up. It's sad. I don't want to be left at the alter...or at the library, which is where Carrie was. But with my luck...

My mood? Still rancid. Thanks.

You'll never get another fix.

"Blather, kill, rot, kill, die, die. Die! Die! Die!"

The above, verbally heavy sentence was brought to you by my mood, which was hopefully brought to you by my forthcoming period. I say "hopefully" because with the luck I've had recently, well, fingers-n-toes-n-eyes are crossed that nothing (or no one) is growing where it shouldn't be! But like I said, with the luck I've had recently...rot.

My mood can only be labled as "suck-o". I haven't slept a good night's sleep in weeks now. Even with the assistance of sleeping pills. And speaking of sleeping pills, this little bastard does NOT want to leave my system! Since I shuffled into the can this morning, I've been asleep with my eyes opened. I feel drugged, which I guess I am. But should I still feel like a non-action slug almost 19 hours later?? Was that pill meant to enduce a COMA?! Doing things zombie-style leads to many mistakes. Many mistakes lead to today feeling like "Groundhog's Day". I'm irritable. A bright yellow catalog on my desk is taunting me. I may set it on fire. I may set YOU on fire.

Oh money? Yeah, totally at odds with that stupid shit.

The Halloween Spooktacular opens at Low Life Gallery on Waterloo (by The Beachland Ballroom and Shopparooni) this Friday. The pre-Halloween party is from 6-10p. I have one piece in it that is tentatively called "Girl With Wasted Life Eats Own Stomach With Disastrous Results". I'm sure it's not the most mind-blowing thing you'll even see but I didn't paint it to be artsy. I painted it to make myself laugh. And I did. Case closed. Hope to see some of your smiling faces on Friday but if you're too cool for art show receptions, the show runs through November 2nd. I only have one piece in the show so I'm sure no one will die if they don't see it. I pretyy much guarantee they won't.

I'll be coming for your love anyway.

Remember how I questioned feeling old because I was so psyched about getting new appliances? Like I was Little Betty Home-Maker? Well...you should have seen me yesterday when we went to Target together and picked out curtains, hung the curtains, and admired the curtains!!!Psyched...and elderly. But hey, if we're both pumped about said curtains and it made us both happy for a moment in time, I don't care how old I felt. We're being hermits. We're nesting. We're building a life together...and that life included picking out curtains. I bet the neighbors are thrilled!! *blush*

I finished my first painting...an improved version of the chick eating her own stomach. It's at the gallery waiting for the Halloween Spooktacular to open. Todd and I both agreed that it was kind of sad to look at the easel and have it be empty. Sigh. It may not have been my BEST painting but it certainly wasn't my worst. And most importantly, it made me laugh. It turned out pretty much how I imagined it would and I worked very hard. Might have put a little too much pressure on myself but because I did, I accomplished what I set out to do. I'm going to give myself a high five...no matter how awkward that might look.

In other artsy news, Phoebe, my biggest supporter and chill companion, sponsored me to paint a Plushform for some benefit they're doing at Shopparoni (50% of profits go to some children's charity...I know it has "ninjas" in the title so what could be cooler?). I am so super psyched. It was such a sweet thing for her to do. Not sure exactly what I'm going to do with my Plushform. My mind is all about skunks these days (oh armpit skunk...with all the overtime Im clocking, you're destined to be mine...after the bills are paid, of course). We'll see, I guess. It's just another awesome thing for me to do while being a hermit/nesting. I'm getting my art on, Todd's doing home improvements. Love it. Hardcore.

Made my first lasagna yesterday. Total hit. NESTING!

So that's pretty much all I had to jaw about. Good, solid weekend. Celebrated Tom and Carol's 14th wedding anniversary on Friday by drinking beer out of a plastic boot and eating killer bar food. Hit a family function (at Winking Lizard...boss) on Saturday, watched a really MESSED UP movie that I didn't want to watch (I almost pouted) and ended up liking. Got up early on Sunday and accomplished SO MUCH (painting, cleaning, laundry, dishes, shopping)! Feels good deep down in my core...especially when I got 2 new Moofia!! Watched cartoons and crashed. THE END.

Enjoy your Monday. If that's even possible.

Someone to die for you and more.

I've been asking everyone if they have their periods. Today rots.

I'm crabby. I'm fussy. I'm irritable. Everything about me, inside-n-out, is in knots. Fed up, fucked off, what have you. I didn't sleep well last night or the night before and at this very second, I'm at the end of my rope and might tie it in a knot and slip it over my head. I hate today and I have far too much to do to be exhausted and surly and amped, OH MY! And this beautiful mood I'm in seems to be the norm for people today. Awesome. A world full of suck-o.

I wish I had a new Moofia. Or a smorkin' something-or-other. Rad.

As soon as I clock out...get ready for the ramble...I have to ditch this place, truck to Anna Banana's to get skunkier and chill with my girlfriend, Phoene Jeans, rush home, paint like a mothertruckin' maniac, and TRY to stay awake for the (2 hour) season premier of Gray's Anatomy, only to have to catch some ZZZZZZs in order to haul ass in for some overtime. I'm exhausted all ready and that's really burning my toast. Exhaustion iced with psychotic business does NOT make for a tasty treat.

Y entonces mañana...

The madness starts all over again, still built on an ever-growing foundation of exhaustion. Put in some overtime so we can have luxuries like cable and ice-cream, rush to the homestead (after a pit stop for the weekly anniversary card), paint like a mothertruckin' maniac BEFORE I have to head out for a cozy little event. I'll probably fall asleep in my chicken fingers and big beers. Don't let me drown.

After a quick and painless family functiony thing-a-majig, I can crash. I am looking forward to that crash like nobody's business and I plan to crash Dale Earnhardt-style. Consider me dead to the world. God, that sounds so good right now that I'm on the verge of a vag-quake! Pajamas, pillows, mindless entertainment that allows me to turn off my brain until the race (or maybe football?) on Sunday.

Maybe none of this seems like THAT big of a deal but along with all the other things driving me crazy-bananas (which I don't feel like sharing)...I'm worked over from head to toe. I'm stressing about my painting. I'm stressing about running all over like a chicken with my heart cut off. I'm stressing about reaching my limit with a lot of things. I don't really feel like emploding this week.

I don't feel like having heartburn either.

I just need a break from dealing with bullshit. Yesterday Todd mentioned how nice it would be to have a hotel room (we're both big fans) with a hot tub/whirlpool and to just reeeeeeeelax. But who can afford that right now? I said all we can afford is out "nest" at home since it's free...and there's no hot tub/whirlpool in our nest. The sweet suggestions only temporarily ease the stress of running on go. I want to just quit on everything and everyone...but I have to "give up on giving up"...even if some peopel around me gave up long ago. I feel like Atlas.

I'm taking a temporary dive. Me and my scummy mouth.

Hope my boyfriend don't mind it.

I was all set to have "Bruises" by Chairlift be my new jam. I am sad to say that I am embarrassed I bought it off I-tunes. I thought it had such potential when I heard it on the Ipod commercial. It was through those little snipets that I fell in love with "Flathead" by The Fratellis and "1, 2, 3, 4" by Feist. Both gems. But not this torture device. It's so sugary-sweet and lovely and I must erase it from my brain, even if that involves a blowtorch or some sort of drilling mechanism. Heavy duty sand paper or polishing stones?

My new jam is "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry.

I downloaded it this morning...never heard the tune before but heard the hype all summer. Summer's over. Time for me to catch up. So I played it. Then I played it again. And again. And again! And now it's playing in my brain. I mean, it's not the most lyrically stunning song I've ever heard...but it's a total jam! It made me want to dance like a m-m-m-maniac. But it probably wouldn't have been very safe for me to do that behind the wheel. Listening to "I Kissed a Girl" was alot like when I heard "Since You've Been Gone" for the first time. Stunning. I expecting it to be so bubblegum and silly. But with her deep voice and the overall thumping...total jam.

Dating Phoebe for a bit after work. Be jealous.

So come at me with mouth open wide.

I got up on the wrong side of the bed, without a doubt.

I'm in an evil, nasty, creepy, rotten, little mood that is just bubbling up and pulsating and festering and throbbing and whatever else it can do that would be deemed repulsive. It started last night and hung on mercilessly. Didn't have such a rockin' good work day which was irritating so I was looking forward to some promised and anticiapted relaxing shower time which would have been just DREAMY. Then stupid life stepped in.

I got stung by a BEE! For the first time!!!

I was trucking along, glad to be heading home to a boyfriend (who had done all sorts of sweet boyfriend things at our digs) and felt this drilling in my arm. I thought maybe a steel shaving weaseled it's way into my hoodie. NO SUCH LUCK! That little honey sucked was already on it's way to Deadsville and I was wounded. I squashed it while driving recklessly and immediately starting flipping. It wasn't as bad as I had always imagined a bee-sting, but it was still BAD! And I complained. A lot. Boo.

Something sweet happened via text message. My heart smiled.

AND THEN IT FROWNED! Pffffffffft! Regardless.

So the main squeeze and I trucked to my nephew's for a little Mustang repair and I ended up getting my feeling squashed like a rotten tomato, which I was not expecting. Not by my fella. Not by my nephew. No details...just know my feelings are now mushy tomatos on the sidewalk! Todd held my hand the whole ride and just let me stew and hurt quietly. He asked me if I wanted to snuggle when we got home, knowing that would ease my bumps-n-bruises. Appreciated, to say the very least. But I slept like utter GARBAGE. So now...

...I'm in an evil, nasty, creepy, rotten, little mood!

I am officially not a fan of Mondays. Or of "feelings". OR BEES! I'm going to cook dinner for Todd to make up for our not getting relaxing shower time due to my surly mood. It will at least make me feel a little bit better if I can do something nice for him. And anything that will make me feel a little bit better is way welcome in my book. Look, I know this will all passed. So my feelings got hurt. Big deal. And there are things to look forward to this week...a yummy lunch, playing housewife, chill time with Phee-Bizzle, PFG practice, a skunk stripe appointment, an anniversary celebration...there are things to be psyched about. I'm just not psyched right NOW.

And I shall plan my revenge against the Cleveland bees.

Make everyone wonder what's going on.

September is almost over? Time BOOKS!

My new favorite thing on this planet is to be in what Todd calls "a nest". Directions: we take all the back cushions off the couch, bring our comforter and pillows downstairs, and get in serious snuggle-mode while watching a movie. He called it "our nuptial nest" last night as we watched 20 minutes of "Cecil B. Demented" and 20 minutes of "Elvira: Mistress Of the Dark". It may sound sappy and not that inventive, but it was a gnarly way to tie up a pretty gnarly weekend. Gnarly. I should have used "rad".

Before I recap the havoc, let me tell you that when my sleeve is done (alllllllllmost), I am going to get a gassy skunk tattooed in my armpit. It's getting rave reviews from the people cool enough to matter and I truly believe it will be my crowning jewel. Stick around!

I'm having the hardest time remembering what we did on Friday because I am mentally-n-physically beat. I'm pretty sure we sat around and shot the breeze while I painted canvas backgrounds...6 are done and ready to be rocked! Oh wait...it's all coming back to me! And it's X-RATED! My sexy new appliances came! Am I old for being psyched? I don't care. We went to da sto' and filled the new fridge/freezer up with goodies and were so super psyched that we just had to rip our clothes off right there in the kitchen! Hubba hubba! Yeah...Friday was good stuff.

I was laying on the couch like a spazz on Saturday and Todd said, "Do you want to paint?". I can't tell you how much it means to me to FINALLY have a dude in my life that supports my painting and tried to beinvolved! *purr* We trucked to the store and he bought me more canvases (and a groom rubber duckie cause my bride was lonely)...then I painted backgrounds as he painted the anchor table he had been obsessing over while we jammed some tunes. Everything felt jusssssst right for a moment. Goldilocks would have been pleased.

Saturday night we hit Roc Bar to see Miss Firecracker One Woman Band and Cult of the Psychic Fetus. Bad ass. They played all my favorite jams and I rocked out...even after a homosexual couple decided I looked like a more bad-ass (am I overusing that?), saucy, young, tattooed, Democratic version of Sarah Palin. Whatever. I don't see it. But as Carol would say (in an adorable squeaky voice), "I can see Russia from my house!"

Interjection: I hate that stupid "little pink houses" songs by John Cougar Melloncamp. It should just be destroyed. It is the song I dread hearing most throughout my work day. Vom. Now back to my babble.

Sunday was the best day of my weekend, which is rarely true since Becky moved away.

Speaking of Becky, Johnny asked me when we were going to roadtrip to C-Bus to see you. We have a list of songs we're going to jam the whole way there. We miss you painfully. Now back to Sunday.

We woke up early and...well...*blush*. Then we woke up AGAIN perty late and really had to rally. I love that term, "rally". Aiden came over, I cooked homemade veggie soup, we watched the race, Aiden played with a group of neighborhood kids, we vegged out and watched football, I cooked chicken paprikash and my first time was a decent success. I felt like a mini-family when the neighbor kids came knocking on the door asking if Aiden could come back out. It was a good day. It ended with "a nest".

Oh, today? Today was Katie's first day back at The Coast. Every time she was in my line of sight, giddiness took over. I'm so pumped she's back where she belongs, sporting brightly colored red-n-purple hair. I was informed that now that she and her 'do are back, I better step it up. And I'll do just that by getting my forehead tattooed. Oh SNAP!

I'm in a good mood today. Don't wreck it.

You begin to wonder why you came.

I want to talk/blog/whatever. I can feel words-n-thoughts trying to come out. I'm having a hard time gathering it all up and wrapping my brain around what I want to talk about. Confusing? I have a lot on my mind and didn't get a lot of sleep last night, to be honest. And when I did sleep, I did not have the most comforting dreams. And there were a boatload. Dream after dream after dream during my broken sleep. I'm exhausted. I'm not going to get into what's bugging me to the point of sleeplessness. I just wrote the longest e-mail in the history of e-mails regarding it. So...it's sort of out of my system. Today is just a weird day.

I like my hands. They're small and slender but have big plans.

Pussyfoot Girls were asked to be on the bill for a pretty rad show in October and I'm super-psyched. Put this on your calendar. Mark it in blood. The Pussyfoot Girls, Bob's Country Bunker, Whiskey Daredevils, Legendary Hucklebucks AND MORE! If that doesn't sound like a recipe for fun, I don't know what does. We have a lot of work to do. We need new songs and we need to tighten up. This is our only chance to have a Halloween/October show since The Sac is sort of on hiatus. We hope to be back to doing shows soon but for now...PFG need to spread the joy to other venues and cities. And we're spreading our joy, amoung other things, at Cedar's in Youngstown on October 24th. You've be warned.

Unholy and dirty words I gathered to me.

Sick of reading about painting? Your wrists need slit. Scram.

I'm submitting a painting...to the gallery I'm hoping to get a show at...for their Halloween exhibition. I'm totally pumped AND super-psyched so you just KNOW I'm foaming at the mouth with excitement. I got in touch yesterday and he said there was still room for a submission. So yours truly is IN! Now hold your horses...I have to deliver it to the gallery NO LATER than the 27th. That doesn't give me a lot of time but I am focused and determined. I feel good about it. I feel just like I would if...nevermind. Gutter mouth. Filthy brain.

Todd wants to help somehow with the potential gallery show collection. He said he wants to be involved with my painting "to an extent of course". I think that it incredibly cool...especially since my co-stars in my 3 previous big relationships didn't want to be involved in pretty much any aspect of my life. Not having support can be practically heart breaking. But I've got it. And that's damn cool.

I want "HIGH FIVE" on my knuckles. I should just do it.

So, in my quest to take on all the positive aspects of Phoebe's being, I'm all abotu the blind box toys. I'm collecting these things called Moofia now which are adorable little milks...rice, soy, chocolate, strawberry, half-n-half...I'm in love. I'm trying not to let my obsession get too out of hand...maybe just pick one up when I'm at the comic book shop with Phee. I was NOT going to start looking at toys on line. I WASN'T! Then I did. And when I thought a smoking rabbit (I refuse to call it a smorkin' labbit or whatever) riding a slug was the most amazing thing ever, I was wrong. A SMOKING RABBIT WEARING SOME SORT OF "CLASH OF THE TITANS" HELMET RIDING A SLUG IS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER. Gotta have it. WILL have it. Damn it! I just found a mini-smokig rabbit that's customized to look like a shark. Whadda buncha bullshit.

Recent text from my neph: "Gotta have boats and hoes". So true.

I wish I wasn't do exhausted to the point where I feel like I'm asleep with my eyes open today. I wish that my lunch was sitting a little more still in my tummy right now. I wish I didn't equate the term "low life" with the term "scum bag". I wish my background was done so I could get right to the meat of my painting. I wish Hugh Hefner would drop Kendra and marry Holly (rumor is Kendra will be out soon...thank sweet Zombie Jesus). I wish I had a smoking rabbit wearing a "Clash of the Titans" helmet and riding a slug. I wish good people in my life would stop getting the shaft. I wish "What a Fool Believes" was not on the radio anymore. I wish it was 5:45p tomorrow so Phoebe and I could slam some beers. I wish I could get what I needed without screaming for it all the time. I wish the Pushing Daisies season one box set would appear on my steps so I wouldn't have to go get it. I wish I was done typing because machine gun fingers are exhausting.

ONE DOWN!

Art is why I get up in the morning.

I used Ani DiFranco as my song quote? That leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth. Something closely resembling bile. Or murder. Yes, my mouth tastes like murder from using that quote. How did I ever like her and/or respect her a musician? I did think she was utterly adorable for a cool minute. Regardless. Ick. And the quote is just so...stated. I'm regretting my choice. However, I am not changing it since I blathered this entire paragraph. What a sham.

There was a PFG show Friday. That's all I got there.

I did buy the best shoes I've ever owned Friday.

Saturday was like a major vagina injection. I'm not sure what that means. What I mean to say is that I spent a lot of time with someone jam-packed with estrogen...Phee-Bizzle...and we did girly stuff...practiced making-out and read Teen Beat. OR...we actually went to The Melting Pot and had expensive cocktails before 1:00pm. Then we went to Crate & Barrel where I ALWAYS announce how clumsy I am since EVERYTHING is breakable, bought a silver skeleton hand at Z Gallerie, hit Shoparooni where I bought a stuffed moustache WITH IT'S OWN MOUSTACHE, and loaded up on Halloween goodness at Target. It was a fun, exhausting, and expensive day. My wallet weeps.

There was also college football ad the best snuggle of my life.

Sunday was productive. I hope all Sundays are as productive.

Guess what?

I AM PAINTING AGAIN! Phee-Bizzle is possibly helping me get an art show sometime next year at some gallery she knows. I've been blathering on about this on My Space and to Carol so I'm sort of all blathered out. Know that I am totally super-psyched about it...if it happens. She gave me the jolt I need to start painting again and painting is WHAT I LOVE! I needed something in my life that I could feel good about and I can feel good about this. I felt alive buying supplies for my first piece. I felt loved when Todd bought me an artist rubber duckie, insisting I keep it at my station, and called me Hot Rod Picasso. My goal is 25-30 AWESOME pieces. Nothing mediocre will be acceptable in my eyes. Having an art show and selling one painting is a dream of mine. I want to finish this whole thing feeling really proud of myself. I am determined to feel accomplished.

I can not WAIT to get my hands dirty.

Hypnotized by those snake-slit eyes!

My 19 year old nephew called me "Aunt Ci-Ci" today. Chuckle.

I'm sure Phee-Bizzle will punch me directly in the vag for saying this, but it sure is swell when her lovin' man is out of town! Not swell for her, of course, because she misses him painfully, like a phantom limb and I know what that's like. Todd and I have only spent 7 nights apart in our entire relationship and were both ready to chew through our pillows and/or wrists! But this isn't about what freaks we are about one another. It's about how Phoebe is a tour widow and I'm reaping the benefits like the world's most lazy theif!!

Last night I was lucky enough to swill INCREDIBLY cheap beer and shoot the breeze with the broad (*sidenote - my bad ass boyfriend sent HER a text message that said "Give my Lacey Cakes a kiss for me". Yeah, he rules and you're jealous). Tonight she's accompanying me to film a shotgun wedding skit for the "Jesus County Fair" variety show that D.A.B. is filming. I am playing pregnant bride, Felma Lou Spurwinkle. You know what this means? It's wig time! This is not about my wig fetish though. It's about Phoebe being awesome company for the hike to The 'Ville. Saturday, when the boys are at the baseball game, she at I are hitting the zoo like two fashionable socialites. The day continues with a flask and a discount screening of "Sex and The City". And Sunday brunch? Yeah. I'm a Pheebaholic this week. It's my duty to keep her brain and her date book occupied. Her vag? That's her business.

"Baby, It's You" by The Beatles is a sexy song. Recognize.

PFG have our first show without Queen La Tata tomorrow night. But it's almost like we're weening off heroin because she'll BE there but as Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band! And she's graciously agreed to introduce us which is good. We're mighty shy for 3 chatty gals in our underpants. I'm a little nervous...Queen La Tata always helped me squash my stage fright and go balls out. At least her adorable face will be in the crowd, cheering us on, specifically me because I'm selfish and hoarding her affection and support. 2 sets...that's a lot of Pussy...foot Girls. And last night's practice was a touch rocky for various reasons. But I'm always pleasantly surprised at our shows so I'll just keep my chin up. Come out to At Witz End and slug some PBRs with the Pussyfoot Girls.

That's what I've got. What have YOU got?

There's times that I wonder if you remember.

Before I start spewing love and blood all over your laps and/or faces and into your eyeballs and/or ears (if someone is reading this to you like a bedtime story)...and believe me, this is going to be nothing but gushing about how in lurve I am (with a little triple X action thrown in) so if you're a major hater, turn back now...I have to say the following to one of the hottest bitches in Cleveland:

ROLLER SKATING DOUBLE DATING?!? I'm in.

Also, that should be our band's first album.

Also, we should start a band and make an album.

Now back to the cartoon hearts and bubbles and "XOXO" and romancin' your pants off. Man, you're going to wish I was still rollilng around in a shit-filled pool of self-pity and misery once you're done reading. I'm a happy clam and my clam is happy, too, and I insist on sharing it with the whole flipping world like some people would their Herpes. That really isn't aimed at anyone specific. Herpes is my go-to STD. Regardless...I even got the A-OK to spill the sticky-sweet details from the man of the house, who is not a blog fan. But he'll support this...cause it gives him a big, fat, pat on the back for being an awesome boyfriend! A literary smack on his ass, if you will. So here comes the MOOSH!

Monday sucked, as Monday's tend to do, especially when it's your first day back to work after surgery. I'm just going to say that things did not go well and I was dragging my corpse around my place of employment...I wasn't ready to go back to work. My body wasn't ready. It was just ready to hurt and cry. I did a lot of complaining to the boyfriend, not expecting what I got when I came home. He was waiting for me at the door, all smiley and adorable. We laid down on the couch and shot the breeze...he was really happy to see me, which microwaved my heart. He told me he had a little evening planned for us but we had to wait until it got dark...hmmmmm. We cracked a few cold ones (incredibly stupid since I KNEW I was dehydrated to the MAX) and stood in the kitchen, talk-talk-talking. "Learn To Love" was on today's date on the calendar. "I Heart My Cupcake" was on the dry-erase board. He told me what his INITIAL plan was for our evening...which takes a little back-trackin':

Saturday we were SUPPOSED to go see Nine Pound Hammer. We didn't. Well, we WENT to The Jigsaw but we didn't see them. And it was the fault of one of us...the one that isn't ME! It caused a fairly glorious spat. I think couples need to have them from time to time...it sometimes helps you set your priorities. Regardless...his initial plan was to get Nine Pound Hammer CDs and 24oz. PBR cans so we could stand around the living room, pretending we were at the show. Him just TELLING ME THAT was uber-romantic (I was not shocked that he couldn't find Nine Pound Hammer CDs...though if he had looked in my collection...). He recognized that he screwed up. That's all I needed.

But that's not all I got! Moving on...to Mooshville...

We watched Family Guy, as we like to do, and held hands, which I like to do. It's my "go-to" comfort mechanism. I felt like we had just started dating...we were all goofy about each other. So finally...Todd decides it's dark enough for "our little evening". I go upstairs and there are candles all over the bathroom...even in the shower. I'm not a super girly-girl but it was dang perty! So we hope in the shower..no XXX yet...and I just washed the stress of my day away. We were totally in love and awesome and I forgot why it had been such a bad day. He were beyond happy...he told me he could promise me a lifetime of "this" and I accepted. We may have rough patches but overall, he knows how to take my pain away. Oh! Did I mention the part where he brought 2 beers INTO the shower??? My face ached from smiling and laughing so much.

Then the shower was over. Frown.

So we go into the Tomb Room which is pitch black and what do I hear? Crack! Crack! Crack! All sorts of blue glow sticks illuminating the room!! If you really know me, you know that my heart throbs for things that glow...at Cedar Point, I always had to have one million glow necklaces and I would try to preserve them in the freezer as long as I could. So a mammoth smile was PLASTERED across my face! And the treats kept coming...he bought me a Hot Wheel (we collect), we bought mini-Snickers (which I orgasm for), and he bought me a card shaped like an eyeball, telling me he was sorry for upsetting me over the weekend. I asked him why he was doing all of this...hesaid he screwed things up and upset me and loves me and this is what he should be doing. Or something like that. I fell in love all over again.

Insert XXX here.

So that's the story of why my boyfriend is so much better that your boyfriend. I didn't need a whole day full of romancin' and pampering but I would never turn it down from him. He was so genuinely excited to do everything he did...and I was so genuinely excited BY everything he did. I changed what my favorite part of the evening was every 5 seconds. I think it truthfully might have been when he said if he found a magic lamp, he would use his wishes to undo specific things that hurt my heart...so I think I can finally forgive him. He loves me. We're going to be a family.

THE MOOSH IS OVER! VOMIT AT WILL!

In other news...PFG...2 sets...At Witz End...Friday.

You can dry your eyes.

After a short...but memorable...hiatus, your favorite program is back on the air! So many updates on your favorite characters, you will no doubt drench your drawers while urinating with delight! Or you will just be bored to tears and/or death in which case...go ahead and drop dead already! Or just stop reading if you want to preserve your life and the way you live it. Rambling? Yeah...you know you missed it, my babies.

Where the fuck to start? How about my trip?!?

For starters, it rocked my knee-high socks right off my stems and there are pictures to prove it (coming soon). And they are officially my favorite pictures ever taken EVER. We look so...happy. Genuinely happy. And we look so bananas in love. We've already framed a bunch and every time I look at them, my heart feels warm. I'm not going to give you the play-by-play on everything we did at any given moment during the weekend because it will only mean anything to us. But we did a lot and we had a blast. It was worth every penny!!! I could get real sappy...I'll swallow that down. I would like to apologize to Erin for missing yet another opportunity to bask in the glory that is her beauty...I had every intention of going to the show...until the weekend caught up with me and I was in bed and spoony by 9:05p. Roller skating soon??? What what!?

And then there's this whole "emergency room" business.

Ugh.

Once again, I'm going to hold back on the play-by-play. It's personal. I have to be selective about what I choose to share with the world. I can say this...there was a lot of blood. A LOT. More than I've ever seen up close and personal. And no, I didn't slit my wrists or anything, my GOD. I'm being cryptic because it's personal and those who need to know DO. I just mentioned the blood because it's haunting me still!!! It was a traumatic and humiliating experience. But I think it brought Todd and I a smidge closer. He was an excellent support system and kept my head screwed on when I couldn't do it alone. It was so comforting to hear him say all these sweet things before I went into surgery (I suggested he tell me everything he ever wanted to in case I died) and to see his smiling face when I came out. He saw a lot of things I'm sure he didn't want to see and put up with me squeezing his hand mighty tight a few times. He was a trooper. I am a very lucky girl and I KNOW I couldn't have gotten through it all without him.

And that pretty much brings us to now. I know this wasn't very light-hearted and ha-larious like I'vetried to be recently. But honestly...I lost enough blood to feed 3 adult male vampires so I'm having trouble focusing. So...I had a fun trip that weekend and I survived, which I'm sure disappoints many of you but THRILLS others, this past week. Now I just take one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other until I'm fully recovered. Thanks to everyone who senf friendly words and cheer up messages and what not. I'm lucky to have such bad ass people in my life and I hope I can be there for you in return some day.

Hopefully you're not bleeding to death like I was, though.

Tell me that you'll wait for me.

You know who's pretty? Pretty as a picture? Pretty as a button? Phoebe Marie Nelson. She's just about as perty as a strawberry. Or a slice of cheesecake. Just deliciously beautiful, even after ditching her trademark bright-red locks. And you know what else? She's just so damn talented! All her Munnys and Dunnys and cut-n-paste artwork and Shrinky Dink necklaces of weaponary and poisons. Yep. That girl is oozing talent and creativity out of every pore. Beautiful and talented. Am I going on and on about how delightful Phoebe is because she recently subscribed to this here blog? Perhaps. But that doesn't make the above rant any less true! Phoebe is TITS and you should feel lucky just to have her throw up in the same room as you. There. I said it. Have a lovely day, Phee-Bizzle.

Did anyone else notice that it's hoodie weather? WEE!

Super soon, and I mean SOON, it will be the start of my fun-n-fan-fucking-tastic four day weekend and I am so super psyched that my boobs feel engourged! My dance card if FULL for the next four days! Tonight I have to pack for our roadtrip and get all the good grooming out of the way...wax, shave, mani/pedi, chick stuff. Tomorrow I have some shopping and banking to do, an appointment with Anna Banana to whiten the skunky stripe (we'll get to white in time...I know it!), a pit-stip to the Shoe Lanes, and then...*GASP*...we are GHOSTS! When we get back on Sunday, I'll have time to max-n-chillax before going to see "a singing, dancing, pantless bunny" and Erin's beeeeeeeautiful face at Now That's Class. Yes, I said it. Now That's Class. The Monday, the day that pats me on the back for all my laboring, begins my hermitism for the rest of the year. I will clean the spare bedroom. I will spackle nail holes in my room. I will spend no money. I will drink n0 beer. I will stick to my guns. What a weekend!

Enjoy your clambakes and sock hops, party people!

I will make it up to you. I promise to.

Am I giving up? Giving in? Even giving a fuck anymore?

There are a lot of things I am super psyched about but before I can start jumping up and down in a fit of hyperactivity, I have to have a little pity party. Actually, pity party isn't even the right term but I don't care enough to come up with something creative and better fitting. I'm in some sort of rut recently and carrying (ha!) a lot of stress in my hands. Best way to sum it all up? I'm just not happy. Period. My best friend isn't happy so he's going to pack it all in and leave town. I don't have that option so I need to make things better where I am. Work with what I've got. And I've got potential.

A major perk (get your airplane vomit bag ready, suckahs, boyfriend mush ahead) is that everything is boss in my relationship so I have someone to lean on while my brain is being rewired. In fact, we've been on the same page about a lot of key things recently (saving some dough, cutting down on money-wasting activities, budgets-n-stuff...we're not the Rockafellers, yo) which is comforting. And we've managed to have a lot of fun (chillaxing with friends, chillaxing with each other) despite my recent emo-ness. It's goot to have a boyfriend that's a buddy. My goal is to really tighten the belt to build up some savings, improve the credit (stupid greedy exs), and start building a future for us. Not to mention that I want to get back to being a work out MACHINE! He's behind me and WITH ME 100% so I'm going to kick major ass and re-evaluate where I stand on December 31st...and that night, I will party my face off as a reward for working so hard. I think I'll start 2009 off feeling pretty good about what I've improved on.

Maybe I'm not in such a rut! I have a plan! Onward.

A close friend have MAJOR surgery yesterday and came through it with flying colors. I'm happy and relieved. And I'm also proud of how well he and his wife handled everything that was thrown at them. Total bad asses, both of them. Hopefully none of my friends or their loved ones have to go through anything like this again. Horrible. But we're celebrating! Life is good! We went out and celebrated with a few beers on a bar patio last night (I heart bar patios and might not be seeing them for awhile once my penny-pinching life-style kicks in on Monday). But BEFORE Monday hits...

It's almost time for Todd and I to blow town! About 49 hours left in the countdown. 49 hours sounds a lot more tolerable than 4 days, or a week, or a week and a half! We're hitting the road and leaving any baggage (but not LUGGAGE) and drama at home! I'm thinking of turning my celly off for most of the trip so once again, if you're planning on having a crisis or I'm your "in case of emergency" person, I will probably fail you. And you'll have to fogive me! I've been looking forward to this trip and I deserve it. WE deserve it! We work hard. We're good people. We love each other and are good to our friends and family. And starting Monday, we're going to be hermits for the rest of the year. Time to cut loose...and there's no one I'd rather get silly with.

Fuck my rut. Life is good.

I'll have to pack my things and go!

This weekend, according to Todd, was "uneventful but good". That's the best way to describe it and I couldn't do any better myself. We spent a lot of time together and didn't kill or injure ourselves, each other, or anyone else, innocent bystandard or not, so I consider it a success. My favorite part? Banana pancakes in bed, no doubt. But there's not much to say about "uneventful but good" weekends unless you want to hear about the Lorain County Fair and my first tractor pull or antics at the Embassy Suites bar or Sunday afternoon hand massages and movies on the couch. Yeah...I didn't think so.

104 hours until Todd and Lacey Escape Ohio! YEEHAW!

Light up a cigarette. Take it to bed.

When I get home...immidiately when I get home...I am going to wash my face in ice-cold water, put on the most comfortable pair of pajama pants I own, pour a tall glass of grape juice, pop in Family Guy or some other mind-numbing cartoon and take some Advil PMs. No. Make sweet LOVE to some Advil PMs. I don't want to eat, or think, or function like an adult. All I want to do is fight my heavy eyelids as I giggle hysterically until I pass out. Then I want to wake up every so often and feel the warm-n-fuzzy feeling that Advil PMs give, roll over into a new position in the pillows, and drift away again. So if you're planning on having some sort of crisis or I'm your "in case of emergency" person, I will fail you today because I will be in an indefinite coma.

Thank you and good night. Literally.

Don't know when I'll be back again.

Pack your bags full of lingerie and weaponry! We're hittin' the dusty trail just like we would a disobedient wife or a red-headed step child! Like that man with the French braids that can't pay his taxes because he spends his money on "the dope"...we can't wait to get on the road again! Can you feeeel the excitement coursing through my veins and the tension in my typing fingers? If I had a tail, I'd wag it but I don't so I'll just have to hump something until I am SPENT! A chair leg, perhaps. Or my travel companion. As The Pixies once said...or actually said many times in a melodic way...OH MY GOLLY! We're going on a road trip, son!

There's a holiday weekend right around the corner well-stocked with clam bakes and sock hops for us to attend, being as popular as we are. Herman's Hermits (who I really only like for 'Henry the 8th' cause if you drink every time they say HENRY, you'd be on your way to Drunk Town via the Buzz Express) were on the weekend agenda. Just for kicks-n-thrills, I threw the idea of a weekend adventure onto "the idea truck" and POW! A road trip was conceived and we're just glowing about the news.

Here's the bottom line, y'all. We've been running around like those KFC chickens that are engineered and just have brain stems, not heads. I used to tell my sister that they stir the gravy with the brain stems to give it more flavor. Terrible, and not at all sensitive. Regardless...every weekend has been jam-packed which, eventhough those weekends usually consisted of rocking out and chugging beers, is really stressful when they're all smooshed together. And yeah, we'll have to pack bags (but we don't have to impress anyone...everything I pack might be from Victoria's Secret!) and sure, we have drive a few hours (but it will be just the two of us and we can hold hands and jam tunes). But how many chances do you get to just shirk your responsibilitier and skip town with the person you're batty about? That's what I thought, bitches.

Where are we going? It's a top secret location out of state so someone will have to be responsible for Cleveland while we're gone. And don't try to reach me unless you have the hottest gossip or a genuine emergency. Chances are my phone will be off. Hey...that annoying little sucker might not even make it out of the car if I'm feeling super independent! And I thank everyone for their Labor Day weekend invites and hope your functions are still mind-blowing and head-turning despite our absence. Am I full of myself today? Nah...I'm just super-psyched, pumped, jazzed, and any other descriptive word I commonly use that ends in -ed. Stay tuned.

A love like ours is love that's hard to find.

"I'm Going To Jail", or whatever it's actually titled, by Struttin' Cocks has been in my head, on repeat, since Saturday night. Unfortunately for me AND my brain, the only words I know are "I'm going to JAIL". If something doesn't trip the switch soon, I'm going to have to call Sean and have him sing it to me. Break the cycle.

So what can I say about the weekend? Risky.

Friday, I accompanied Jim to Tattoo Faction. While there, I got to see Bobbi Socks' engagement ring before the big public proposal which made me feel powerful and involved. What a ring-a-ding-ding! There were tattoos and there was steak-0n-a-stone and there was shit talkin' and gossip. It was a good way to spend my day off, I'd say. Weasel may have disagreed since he went to bed mega-early, like pre-early bird special! I ordered Chinese food and my fortune cookie said I would have some sort of uncoming happiness and excitement. Stupid cookie!

Saturday...I'm going to be ultra selective about what I say regarding Saturday. There are things I just don't feel like remembering right now or for all of eternity. Regardless...I eventually made it out the door and to the Madison car show but I missed Joey proposing to Bobbi Socks (they did make a pit-stop at my digs so I got to hug-n-congratulate them in person). I eventually met up with friends. I eventually had shots of whiskey. I eventually learned that the motherfucking Heptanes cancelled on us AGAIN. I eventuakky went home to stop my head from spinning.

Honestly and selfishly...I didn't want to go to the show. My head and my heart were somewhere else all together and my fists were wherever the Heptanes were, beating them to death. I didn't even shower and I didn't drink when I got there and I hid...a lot. I will totally high-five Karen and I for our "shark and shark-attack victim" outfits and I will pretty much hump Carol's leg for filling in for the recently engaged Bobbi Socks. Sadly, there was a CD player malfunction and we only made it through 3 songs. Secretly....thrilled! My head was NOT screwed on. I was pretty much absent but sometimes you have to push through for others. My little silver shark Karen was psyched so I did feel rotten for her...and for the work Carol put in last minute. I didn't feel bad when I ordered my third Coke and was in bed pumped full of Advil PMs before midnight.

Yesterday was a good old fashioned, lazy Sunday. I did things here-n-there around my digs, I went and cleaned up a mess I made at The Sac, I had a late lunch and some convo with the Shoe Lanes, and I crashed on my couch with the Family Guy box set. I woke up to the Weasel saying "Baaaaby" in just the way I like, prodding me to come up to bed. How could I argue with that face, I ask you? Sunday was probably the best day of the weekend since I got to keep my brain turned off. I could use a week full of Sundays. I could at least use 5 more hours of sleep and someone to grocery shop for me.

So that's that. The week is just beginning. Sigh.

Think of all the good things we can do.

I was just blabbing on and on about the almost mind-blowingly insane amount of potential this weekend has to blow my mind...but I got bored. From the minute the weekend kicks in until I am dragged kicking-n-screaming to clock back into the grind...mind-blowing. I know it. Any fancy adjectives I can throw in there won't change a damn thing. So...aloha!

The arena is empty except for one man.

Todd is feeding off my improved outlook on life. We're psyched.

I'm not going to lie or sugar-coat anything...I was thinking dirty all day yesterday. I couldn't wait to clock out and get these mits on my diesel drivin' daddy. After a semi-smutty welcome home in the kitchen, Todd said there was a surprise for me on the bed (of course, I was thinking...smutty). I'm not super keen on surprises but I DO love treats! And this was certainly something to log for posterity. He followed me up they stairs as I raced to find...a stack of shirts and a bag of various other articles of clothing...underwear, socks, t-shirts. He's more than just a toothbrush and coffee pot now. HE STARTED TO MOVE THINGS IN! I was so pumped that we made out right there on top of the clothes. That's how we do things at our house.

I started preparations for 2 major upcoming events.

1. Eventhough it is 4 months away, I have started to plan the New Year's Eve party that will take place at the Ol' Kentucky Corral. The party at my digs for New Year's Eve 2005/2006 was legendary. In order to surpass something of that magnitude, well, it take careful planning to ensure everyone has a memorable time. And it takes MONEY! Time to start squirrling my nuts...winter is coming. I have already booked Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band and am scouting for one or two more forms of entertainment. God, the chaos that is a party at my place. I feel all warm-n-fuzzy...and hungover...just thinking about it. And the guy I get to kiss at midnight? Amazing.

2. I am going to be 30 on a Saturday in February and what better place to turn 30 but my favorite place on the planet, LAS VEGAS! I've started to rally some of my V.I.Peeps to get an idea who rules and who clearly does not. I'm not asking BOATLOADS of people so dont' feel left out. I just want to be with people I'm majorly close to. Travel in large groups makes it so hard to coordinate anything and you don't really get to enjoy the people you're with. I'm going to enjoy turning 30. I thought I'd be marry with kids by now but then again, I did a TON of things that I NEVER thought I'd do and have had a pretty amazing and not-at-all boring life. I'm looking at 30 as just the start of another decade to be awesome in. And I'm going to start being awesome with a cocktail and twenty bucks on 17!

Cover me in kisses, baby.

Ooh la la! The most fun I've ever had with pants on?!?

That would be quite a statement to make and I think I feel secure enough to make it about last night. We dubbed it "Make Out Monday". Sidebar: I have this saucy little habit of naming really memorable frisky moments between Weasel and I. It started with "Make Up Thursday", followed up "Drunk Tuesday", and recently we had "Sexy Saturday". Yesterday...totally "Make Out Monday". And totally the most fun I've ever had with pants on since I hit adulthood. Did you say Va-Voom?!? Va-Voom indeed!

So without getting graphic and making all y'all wash your eyeballs off with soap, I'll just continue to blather with slightly veiled references. Blathering is what I do. It's what I live for. Regadless. So I instituted a new attitude and outlook on life and it paid off major last night! I had a hot date scheduled for Chinese food, beer and a request for a lot of kissing. And there you have it! You forget how great kissing is until you're doing it! And you kiss for hours and can't believe you don't do this more often. Kissing is super intimate. And fucking HOT. You're so revved up, you start pouring your heart out and he's pouring his heart out and then you kiss MORE and you kiss HARDER. And then when you wake up, you're greeted with morning kisses and you plan for MORE kissing later on. Oh MAN!

I feel 16. I think I fell in love all over again!

LIFE IS FUCKING GOOD!

I'd rather be sick of you.

I'm going to give Mother Nature a much deserved high five because she certainly has blessed up with some beautiful days lately and I am going to lap up every last scrap of good weather. It's been light hoodie weather which does NOT make me want to kick the world in the tenders! Are you tossing your cookies due to my waxing poetic about my good mood? Yeah, I'm in a good fucking mood and if you want to whip one out and piss all over it, you can try, but you'll fail. I'm laughing everything off starting...now!

I've been feeling sort of edgey and prickily for the past few weeks. No energy, no appetite, no ability to keep ANYTHING in my stomach, no will do to much but sloth. My physical nastiness put me in automatic attack mode. I was not pleasant in the least but people were putting up with me. High fives, y'all. Then Saturday morning, I woke up feeling like a new person, but still being the same awesome me. A million bucks! And since my body is feeling better (and slightly smaller), I'm focusing on my brain and keeping things chill up there.

I decided this last night...I've always been a relatively "don't give a fuck, just want to have fun" gal with a few mushy spots here and there reserved for stupid girlish emotions. And that's how I want to live right now. So I'm going to! And I already feel all Tony the Tiger and shtuff. I've been flirting with Todd all morning like we just met. I kicked back with Potsie (and Switchblade) last night and had beers/cocktails, discussing the bright future ahead for PFG. Problems get fixed! Nothing is unsolveable! I should enjoy my days-n-nights. I should rock the fuck out...and I will. According to Jen, Rock-n-Roll Lacey is back and she's ready to F.S.S.U.

I whispered filthiness to Valeria Golino in my dream last night.

The Heptanes show is Saturday and the Pussyfoot Girls are struttin' as a 3-piece. I keep calling us a 3-piece combo, eventhough it makes us sound like pieces of chicken. I'd like to be the breast. Ba-GAWK! Anyway, we're very sad to see Queen La Tata go but that little chickie has to spread her wings and fly. She's got a life! She's got other goals and amibtions! The 3 of us are still ready to wear those short shorts and tight tops and get goofy for a little while longer. Hopefully she'll be in the crowd cheering us on. Oh...did I mention THE HEPTANES??? I better bring extra panties. Struttin' Cocks and Lords of the Highway will blow your minds, too, so...be there.

I have a date tonight. I was promised a lot of kissing. And beer!

A mission for me and me only!

I love fireworks. I'm not really sure why but I love them, especially the really big and full ones that seem to explode outward and drip down. They are especially perty when they are silver or gold, which they usually are. We saw some fireworks over the weekend when we went to Night Under Fire at the racetrack and I was pumped. I haven't been feeling well so I wasn't really psyched to drive all that way and be outside but it turned out to be a really great night. I am too tired to use any fancy adjectives. I'm sorry.

And there's something right there...I am EXHAUSTED to the point of hot tears! It first started out as genuine lack of sleep since I was glancing at the clock every hour and tossing-n-turning like mad. Now it's morphed into sleeping all the time and still not having enough energy to function during the day. It's been a few weeks since I stopped drinking during the week (to be honest, I've only really had a few PERIOD since then), I lost a few pounds, I stopped eating late at night...I thought I'd feel BETTER! I feel like a slug. Getting out of bed this morning was a total ordeal. Blech.

As I've previously stated, bad things are happening to good people all around me. I want them all to know I'm thinking about them and I'm in their corner and I'm giving the "thumbs up" or high fiving or whatever they need. I don't know what else to say. All of their individual situations suck majorly and suddenly my problems seem pretty small (still driving ME bananas, but they are miniscule in comparison). I hope the tides turn for everyone soon. And I hope I'm there serving you umbrella drinks and appetizers when they do. Love all your guts.

Stocking magazines, turning 5s into quarters.

Happy Birthday to my saucy minx of a "little sister", Jenny Penny! The big 22! I hope you get some rad ass gifts (though that fancy rock on your ring finger is certainly gift enough, am I right?) and get so drunk that you pass out and/or puke in and/or outside of a car. I know drunken car rides coupled with cookie tossing is your thing. It let's you know that you had a damn good time! But this isn't about your drunken regurg. It's about the fact that you're 22 and I love and miss you! So...HAPPY FLIPPIN' BIRTHDAY, baby!

There is a Battle Royale going on in my stomach. Ugh.

Working 4-10s has been difficult to adjust to, I'll tell you what. But man oh man, am I looking forward to my day off manana. I'm going to send the man-of-the-house off to work, pile back in bed, fall asleep watching cheesey chick flicks, get up whenever the eff I feel like it, shave my stems/wax/shower/groom, maybe go see a movie, maybe work on Karen and Rocko's paintings...pretty much be an effing bum and I've never been so psyched. My body and my mind are SPENT! My body has been tossing it's cookies and my mind is next. So I'm going to sloth it up. HARDCORE. I declare myself responsibility free tomorrow! YEEHAW! Though maybe I should go downtown and pay my water/sewer bill. Hmmmm.

Uh oh. My stomach may be rejecting the Zinger I just ate. FROWN!

It sometimes feels like you're still here.

Blog Tracker is neat. That's all I'm saying.

Yesterday was a really tough and sad day for my family. It was one of those days where you have to drop everything that's bothering you personally and focus on the what's really important...the bigger picture. I don't want to go into great detail because it's not my place. I just want to say that we all have heavy hearts right now. And I'd like to give a really solid high five to all of my friends who rallied yesterday when we received the news. I hope I can be there for you and offer you the support and kind words that you sent my way. They will be relayed to the rest of my family and I truly do appreciate having friends like you. Everyone should be so lucky as to know the Ol' Kentucky Sharks. So, if you're not a total ass-face, you'll continue to keep my family in the "good thoughts" section of your brains for awhile. That would be just swell.

When all of this garbage started happening, and it IS garbage...it's not me pulling a "woe is me" because I'm not one of the main players but it is AWFUL and unfortunate and you wouldn't want it to happen to a member of YOUR family...my mom started talking about being grateful for the good things in your life, which is sometimes really hard to do when everything that CAN do wrong, is going wrong. Carol and I discussed how right now, it seems like every good person we know if getting royally screwed in one way or another. It really isn't fair. There are so many total scumbags out there...let them get screwed for a change. Regardless, I'm trying to focus on the good things but I'll be honest, it's difficult. I ususally get riled up when people say "it could be wrose". Sure, problems may pale in comparison to other people's problems, but that doesn't mean they hurt any less to YOU. So I'm trying to dock my boatload of problems for now and focus on the things in my life that kick major ass.

For example...

I'm happy with who I am as a person. Some people are not so lucky. If other people don't like me, that's their problem. Sure it stings sometimes but overall...if you don't like me or what I do or what I say, cut-n-run. I'll get over it.

I have the best group of friends anyone could ask for. They're all so funny and fun to be around. They're smart. They're creative. They're talented. They're insane and bizarre. They're daredevils. They rally. They are THERE. And my best friend? Be jealous.

I'm loved. And I love. And even if I'm "too upset to see it, our relationship is progressing". We're taking the big plunge and cohabitating. We have "the best stuff. The things dreams are made of". It hasn't been easy but we make each other stronger. We make each other better. We're in it for life. Todd and Lacey vs. The World.

I'm generally healthy. Sure, I hate my body and my body hates me but it's minor stuff. So I have Athsma? So I get Pneumonia? So I catch every little sniffle or cough? It's minor. It's not life threatening. I'm able-bodied and my mind works just fine. I am lucky.

There's so much more that I should feel fortunate about. I have a roof over my head (and LOVE my digs). I have a job and a pretty nice paycheck every week. I have hobbies and skills that set me apart (YES, Potsie. I WILL finish your paintings ASAP!!). Overall, contrary to popular opinion, I am a good person who would pretty much fight tigers for anyone. I'm forgiving. I'm loving. And I like to think I'm mildly entertaining in person. I have my bad days but I need to have LESS bad days. I need to seriously stop sweating the small stuff. Any issues that I've EVER had to face...they were eventually worked out. Nothing had killed me yet. This cat has a couple lives left. I need to start living them to the fullest. Not that I haven't lived...I have my stories, holy cow. But maybe there's something to be said for living each day like it's your last. I just need to be thankful.

And let's not forget my family. Without whom...

Taking everything she can't steal.

Happy belated Birthday, Phoebe Bean! You're hotter and better than ever, even if I haven't seen you in weeks! I can feel your hotness radiating through Cleveland...are you even IN Cleveland??? You're like a car that upgrades itself so you don't have to get the new model or body style. You're ALWAYS the new model. Did you like that? I compared you to a car. Alright, so I miss you and my mind has turned to complete Jell-O. I just want to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and remind you that you are an amazing woman (like you didn't know) and a kick-ass friend (I'm sure I don't tell you that enough. Reconnect this year has meant more to me than you could possibly know. You've helped me through a whole boat load of "downs" and helped me enjoy the fuck out of a ton of "ups". The most important thing I've learned from you this year is that some people just aren't worth fretting over. Anyway...I can't wait until we can find the time to celebrate your birthday together. I love you to DEATH!

I'm not here. This isn't happening.

That there.
That's not me.
I go.
Where I please.
I walk through walls.
I float down the Liffey.
I'm not here.
This isn't happening.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.

In a little while.
I'll be gone.
The moment's already passed.
Yeah it's gone.
And I'm not here.
This isn't happening.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.

Strobe lights and blown speakers.
Fireworks and hurricanes.
I'm not here.
This isn't happening.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.

Remember me next time I go away.

Let me preface this blather by saying that I am currently NOT depressed. I'm stressed. I don't get depressed...I'm not programmed for depression. Little cases of "the blues", that's my bag. Moving forward. Yesterday evolved from a flurry to a full-blown storm. Yes, boys-n-ghouls, my not-so-swell mood snowballed into a state of just absolute upset and frustration. I came to the point where I officially HATED yesterday and wanted to pound the living daylights out of it. Pounding the living daylights out of someone or something OR crying until my eyeballs roll straight out of my face may be the only things that get me out of my current surly state. But I can't do either. Pounding on someone like a chicken cutlet isn't conducive to "being a good person". And I don't cry anymore. Crying is for bitches. And I've eliminated weekday drinking. So...maybe I'll knit. I'll knit my emotions away. Some of you will be wearing very frustrated or angry scarves come winter.

Let me make it crystal clear thatn none, not even an itty bitty fraction, of my current loathing for life has to do with my relationship. Right now, I'm seriously leaning on Todd for support. He's giving me an emotional piggy back ride so to speak. Basically, he's kicking ass at being a boyfriend. And not to pat myself on the ass, but I think I deserve it so I'm going to lean as long as I need to. I could probably blather about what's clogging my noggin, but it's typical shtuff that everyone wades through. Being a home owner and bill payer and living alone is HARD. Work is HARD. Trying to keep the peace between friends is HARD. Dealing with aspects of my hobbies (Jump In The Sac, Pussyfoot Girls, Shark Attack! Records) is HARD. I dealt with a big break up (good riddance), had to leave a job I liked and was great at, was in the hospital several times and once almost lost MY ARM, and of course there are personal things that I'd rather not discuss. It's all on my mind, all of the time. I can't sleep. I love to sleep.

It probably sounds like I'm pouting. I AM POUTING. I'm allowed to pout. It is my right as a human and as a chick. I do my best to make lemonade out of the lemons that are pegged at my head constantly. I try to be Miss Fix-It all of the time so that everyone is hap-hap-happy. It's getting exhausting. I keep talking about disappering as if that would be a way to just get some relief. I don't want to disappear though. I just want to be able to deal with one thing at a time but for some reason...my brain wants EVERYTHING swimming up there at once. STUPID BRAIN! This will all pass. Todd keeps telling me over and over that it'll get better, he here for/with me no matter what I do. I believe it. It's comforting. What's NOT comforting is being away from him, like right now, and having my brain get fishy again because I'm thinking too much. I just need a temporary coma while I work things out. And I need Todd in the coma so he can assure me it'll get better.

I can't BELIEVE what you just said.

I am not in the greatest of moods right now despite the fact that I am currently enjoying a Snickers. And I keep holding my breath which is leading me to believe that I have reached the maximum stress level that my body can handle right now. My body does weird things like hold it's breath without asking me sometimes. My body is a jerk. Regardless, I just got some news that I was pretty damn shocked about it. I can't be mad but I can be upset so I'm upset. And my upset is causing me to think about all of the other things that have gone to Hell this year. It makes things seem far more horrific than they are when you list all of the upsets at once. I know it is not the end of the world...that none of the things on my list fot into the "end of the world" category but COME ON! I need a break.

Like a road, you're somewhere to go.

Where has the summer gone? Straight to my liver, that's where! It's half over already and I wonder how much of it I've spent with a headace. Today starts mine and Todd's "no drinking on the weekdays" kick and I'm pumped. Beer is nothing but empty, pointless calories (that taste like little slivers of Heaven) and I am DETERMINED to get F-I-T. I have my workout plan, I'm going to eat better, and hopefully my mental health will benefit. Not that I'm going nutty or psycho or any other adjectice to describe mental illness in a negative way. But I am experiencing some mental exhaustion and I don't need it. I've been weeding out the clutter in my house to make room for impending cohabitation...now I just need to weed the clutter from my brain.

OH! SNAP! Who won the Best Trophy trophy at the Rock-n-Race??

OH! SNAP! "If You Leave Me Now" is playing on the radio!!

Yeah, so, the pickins were slim as far as the trophies went so maybe the win wasn't as satisfying as if we had competed against 20 trophies and won. But everyone who saw the trophy gushed over it and had nothing but nice things to say about our efforts. In my mind, I engineered it, Todd manufactured it, then we both benched it. We're a team and it was for sure a team effort. The fact that I said I was building this trophy and with his help, was able to follow through to completion...I feel perfectly fine about taking the trophy home. In a weird way, this trophy is the first thing that is "ours". We'll have to pick a bad ass spot for it when he moves in.

Big step. Super psyched.

Besides the contest win, it was by FAR the BEST Rock-n-Race EVER! Oh Coffin Daggers? MIND BLOWING! A big thanks to Jim for having the Pussyfoot Girls back for the third year in a row. I really feel like we were on our game in a big way. I hope we did him proud and are invited back next year. And BEN??? And ROCKO??? And Karen tossing her cookies and still looking super glam? And my new favorite picture with Todd's hand in my waistband? All good. So good. The nice gents at PBR hooked me UP with a new tank top and a sweet new ringer and THEN, great catch that I am, I caught another of my favorite ringers AND a PBR Zippo!!! I HEART SWAG! Major. And I heart my friends, my boyfriend, the Pussyfoot Girls. PFG fans, most of the bands that performed, my long distance pals that were present, Jim and Michelle Murphy (yes, my friends, but they deserve a special shout out today) and over all, I LOVE the Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race. Hopefully, I can get pictures up sooooooon!

*SMOOCH*

Horny little baby in my back seat.

Speaking of back seats...

I almost gave up on building the "Best Back Seat" trophy for the Dragway 42 trophy building contest. Money became as tight as a hooker's top and corners needed to be cut like an attention-seeking person's arms after Heavy Rebel...and the trophy wasn't a necessity. I was c-c-c-c-c-crushed. I thought about pan-handling to some of my pallies to get the scratch to build the damn thing. Todd asked me if it was REALLY that important. To me...it WAS really that important. And he came through like my Weasel in flat black armor. Yeah, I designed it, but he came through with parts and rustled up someone to weld it and he's as pumped as I am! I've been working on painting it and am going to get the letting slapped on tonight and...it's sharp. I'm not sure if we'll WIN (it's OUR trophy now, for sure) but I feel so accomplished just by having something bad ass to turn in.

I think Todd knows that a lot of things that were important to me have been ruined recently...and he made it happen to make me happy which is super cool. The contest is tomorrow so crossed your digits. Then we have to distribute it to whoever has the "Best Back Seat"...then it's gone forever. Whoever wins BETTER apprecaite the blood, sweat, and other bodily fluids that made this thing possible. Upon penalty on DEATH!

So the Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race weekend starts tonight and I'm beyond super psyched. Like I've said, Todd and I are campping out there tonight. It's not that we'll be ALONE, especially since Grimm and Jim will be there...but a lot of our usually thugs aren't coming until tomorrow. Any time we get to spend out-n-about together, doing something different, is fun. It'll be a chance to take it easy in preparation for tomorrow! Saturday is single-handedly the BEST day at the Rock-n-Race. Everyone's there, everyone's drinking, Pussyfoot Girls are ON, we all stay up late and camp out...there is a lot of activity going on but it's so spread out over the day that it's a good way to chill with good friends. The people I love to be around are there. Sometimes we're all together, sometimes we're in little groups, sometimes Todd and I will be alone. Either way...I'm super psyched. After my terrible STRANGE mood the past two days...this is what I need. These are the people I need.

PHOTOS TO FOLLOW!

Nothing to hide. Believe what I say.

I downsized some of my stuff, I ate ice-cream, I vented via text message to the love of my life, I painted the "Best Back Seat" trophy, I practiced Pussyfootin' for the Dragway, I had a beer, I had girl talk, I showered with a man, I watched cartoons, I was spooned...nothing. No combination of the above activities helped me shake whatever is buggin'. Still can't pinpoint what's ruffling my feathers. All I know is SOMETHING is wrong with me and it's both making me emo and making me feel like I'm not in my own body. I don't get it but I know I don't like it.

Todd's being super cool about my moody 'tude, even though he did tell me I looked like I was dying (but merely looking like I'm dying still has me reigning supreme over the gal he said already looks dead...aw shucks). He did make a comment that was WORSE (and partially terrifying) than the comment about my appearance...but I don't even want to repeat it. I refuse to curse myself!!! Regardless, he's being a total sweetheart and I'm appreciating every second of it, even if I seem like I'm planning to jump off a bridge or punch him in the face. I know he is not even a tiny fraction to blame for...whatever the eff is going on with me. He's good stuff. And that's why I need to snap out of it! His weird moods were almost the death of me recently. I don't want to put undue stress on him. And things have been beyond rad with us the past 2 weeks. Gotta keep it moving full-speed ahead!!!

My favorite cheer-up remedy used to be Potsie doing "The Snoopy Dance". It worked every time. I'm a different person now than I was when that would cheer me up. NOW...she has to dance around to "Livin' Thing" by E.L.O. in my living room! She looks so happy and has such a blast that you can't help but smile. I told her that I will play "Livin' Thing" at my (hypothetical) wedding reception but she will be the only one allowed on the floor. Everyone needs to be a witness to the magic that is Karen/Potsie Shark-Pants/Tootsie Pop and song 83:11. I listened to it the entire way to work and for some reason, I saw my future flash before my eyes. It was comforting and quite sexy.

Dragway 42 this weeknd. PFG on Saturday. Be there.

Your head is aching. I'll make it better.

Do you ever have one of those days where you straddle the line between bursting into tears and ripping someone's heart out Indiana Jones style? It's early but that is how I feel today. Something is brewing and I think it may be lethal for all those around me. Toxic. Poisonous. Growth-stunting. I wish I would run into everyone I loathe on the street today because I'm fairly certain I could destroy or at least injure them fairly quickly and with minimal effort...but then I might cry about it since there's that looming tear-jearky feeling. I wouldn't cry over ALL the people I would like to annihilate...unless they were tears of pure joy.

So, whatever. I woke up in a weird mood today and I'm not enjoying it one bit! There is absolutely NO REASON why I should feel so cranky and bitter. I came home after work to find a handsome boyfriend and the welded skeleton of a "Best Back Seat" trophy. I was instructed to take a nap (which I hap-hap-happily did) and woke up to a handsome boyfriend cooking TACOS! He didn't even mind when I used all of the cheese!! We watched cartoons and he told me that he loves my laugh, that it melts his heart and does something to his soul...probably molests it. But how sweet was that? I love hearing things like that...and if my laugh does his heart-n-soul good, we're all set cause I'm a laughing machine! And I went to bed at a descent hour all snuggled up in the tentacles of the man I love...while STILL watching cartoons.

SO WHAT THE FLIP IS WRONG WITH ME???

It could be good, ol' PMS. My always anticipated visit from Aunt Flo is right around the corner. But the thing is...ugh, my body is so confusing. I've never, ever, never, had PMS or sore jugs or anything like that then last month POW! It felt like someone was using my tater-melons (that's a new one I was blessed with) for punching bags. They hurt so flipping much that I was actually concerned there was a mini-human being growing where I don't need one to grow right now. Not the case. Bleeding not breeding. But still! Suddenly, at the ripe age of 29, I'm getting the symptoms I should have adjusted to at puberty? Life is cruel. Mother Nature can shove a sword up her vag.

But if it's not THAT, what is it? Like I said, there is no reason for me to be glum or gloomy or looking for a pile of dirt to kick or a skull to stomp on. My relationship was been fan-fucking-tastic for the past 2 weeks. No bumps, no bruises, no snags. We're crazy bananas in love and our future looks mega-bright. Everything is rad with my pals and I'm looking forward to spending quality drinking time with them this weekend at the Dragway. Speaking of that...I had so much fun at PFG practice last week that I can't WAIT for tonight! I think our set has some major potential and I think this show is going to be a blast and a half. I feel like I'm growing much closer to Potsie and Christina and that's bad ass. We're like a little army. A saucy, little, tail-shakin' army! And my family...alwalys good stuff. Besides the average amount of stress I'm experiencing...I dunno. There's just no reason for this 'tude.

I just need to lay low today. Hide out.

Bad ideas. They are a dime a dozen.

My eyeballs feel so slick that I think they might roll right out of my face, on to the filthy floor, out the door and on their waaaaaay. I'm exhausted so my peepers are watery and glistening. It's only mid-summer and I'm flat-out beat. Every weekend from now until September 12th is FULL UP and occupied. Not a second to spare for anything less than an emergency. And any second I have to spare...is spent sleeping or at least thinking/dreaming about sleeping. My body and my brain are taking a hardcore beating from all of this activity so things have got to change! Don't get me wrong...everything on my dance card is F-U-N. It's not like I have to attend funerals or slaughter house tours from now til autumn. It's all fun which makes me even more exhausted.

Next up on our list...I should say OUR because everything I'M doing, TODD is doing as well and he is equally as beat...is the Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race. Now I'm super psyched and pumped about this weeknd, don't get me wrong. Todd and I are going to cruise out there Friday night to see the bands, keep the drinks light, "love on each other when we get thristy", and camp out...just the two of us. After a short return home so I can transform into the powerful Patti Cake, we'll be back for more bands, more beer, the lovely Pussyfoot Girls, and camping with all of our peeps (including BENNNNNNNN!!!!). Sunday...whaddaya know? More bands!! And then serious hibernation! Even if just over night. I plan on going into a Snuggle-Coma. It'll be a blast and a half but I'm crashing just thinking about it!

And after Rock-n-Race, no more beer on weekdays! Todd and I decided this last night. We need to eat better, drink less, get more sleep, get in shape, blah blah blah, blather. No beer during the week is our first step towards shaping up for our future. We're stock piling now. There was also some discussion about walking every night. I don't mind working out but I'll be honest...I haven't in WEEKS! I got so stressed out and worn out that I just gave up. That's lame. I try not to give up. So I need to start over. And walking together every night (in addition to the "Tom Shoe-Lane Kicks My Ass" workout plan) will be fun. I like doing anything with Todd. Maybe not pooping. I think that's a solo project.

Last, but certainly not least, starting September 12th, expect to see Todd and I way less. We're putting life on hold, so to speak, during autumn and winter. If you are dim and didn't get the picture from my ranting and raving above...WE'RE BEAT! We need a break. So we're "becoming little hermits"...hibernating, so to speak. I don't remember if it was him or if it was me...but we were on the couch crabbing about what busy bees we are, and one of us said, "Can we just do nothing all winter?". It was him. I agreed WHOLE HEARTEDLY. We decided to pump the start date up to autumn and there you have it. Laying low, doing less (not NOTHING but way less), staying home, saving money, good stuff. GOD...I can't wait. But for now...

7/18 to 7/20: Dragway 42 Rock-n-Race
7/25 to 7/27: EMPTY...for now.
8/1: Rancid show in Detroit.
8/2: Night Under Fire @ Summit.
8/9: Family function...would take too long to explain.
8/16: Jump In The Sac w/ The Pussyfoot Girls.
8/22: Tractor Pull thing-a-majig.
8/23-8/24: Niagara Falls.
8/29-8/31: EMPTY...for now.
9/6: Journey, Heart, and Cheap Trick @ Blossom.
9/12: TODD AND LACEY'S SELF-INFLICTED HERMITISM!!!

Let's liven up this crazy crowd!

I have just now at this VERY second made a discovery that will change my life for...at least awhile. And it won't mean anything to any of you and it may seem foolish to get so pumped over something so small. But the small somethings are all I can really count on. Think I'm being melodramatic? Not at all. It's just that due to people's selfishness over the past few weeks, I've started questioning everyone and everything. The big things I thought I could count on are in limbo. My once precious ability to just jump right in has taken a hike. As Counter Clockweyes would say, "My get-up-and-go must have got-up-and-gone out the door...and on it's way". But this is not about Counter Clockweyes or certain people's bad behavior.

It's about Hungry Jack Potato Pancake mix.

When I was in college, I would make these as often as possible. And I made them perfectly. I turned people on to potato pancakes who had zero to no interest. I would have worn a bikini made of them. And then what happens in the vast expanse of greater Cleveland and Northeast Ohio? THEY DISAPPEAR! Empty shelves are far as they eye can see. I haven't had a Hungry Jack potato pancake since 2003! 2003, Becky! Do you hear this??? And today I finally get motivated enough to search for theie existence and location...SANDUSKY! Hungry Jack wants me to drive to SANDUSKY to fill the void these pancakes have caused!

But alas...there is an alternative solution!

Hungry Jack WILL, in fact, ship me 12 boxes for a totally reasonable price. I pretty much had a much-needed orgasm when I made this discovery. It's the best thing to happen to me all day short of having a sort-of fashionable hair day. I know it's early but I don't have much hope for today being a hum-dinger or anything. Yesterday was also sort of a let down, eventhough I was assured I wouldn't BE let down...outside of the fact that Potsie and Christina (and their dance to "Shout! Shout! Knock Yourself Out!") are amazing, hilarious and adorable AND...

THE MAY BABY HAS ARRIVED!!!

And it was a boy just like I said it would be! I'm just knowing things left-n-right regarding pregnancy these days. Sure, I can't get Nolan a pink cardigan but I can get him something equally as rad ass. I probably shouldn't say "rad ass" regarding a baby, should I? He can take it. He's a MAY for crying out loud. Regardless...Nolan Lucky May joined the pack yesterday and that foxy mama is doing well after 22 hours of labor and a C-Section! HOT DAMN! All my congratulations and love and sloppy kisses and bear hugs go out to The Mays. Hopefully there will be no more fish sticks and flip flops for Jen! My first close friend to a have a baby. I'm super psyched. And Jessica's due date is right around the corner. YEEHAW!

I really don't feel like shutting up. Even if someone SHOULD shut me up! And even if some people WANT to shut me up. I'm just not in the mood to zip this lip. But what WILL I talk about??? I know what I COULD talk about, but I won't. Knowing you have the power and ability to destroy and annihilate is incredible. I kind of get that fetish now where people build the miniature cities and then stomp on them. At least a little of it has to do with power. And I've got some. Overall, I think I am a nice and fairly decent person. But sometimes fair and decent people get fed up...they have limits. And then...they poison the well.

And now I'm DONE! Hot-cha-cha!

Tell me now who you think I am.

Heavy Rebel is over for another year, le sigh. Sadly, it was not the BEST Heavy Rebel ever. I was in a weird mind-set, I guess. Friday was pretty much a complete bust, minus the always awesome and talented Pete Yorko One Man Band. And the beginning half of Saturday wasn't all that amazing and vag-quaking either. But Saturday night...I did it up, Heavy Rebel style! I got drunk, I rocked out, I bought swag AND FINALLY kissed someone in a jail cell!!! Not a RANDOM someone, silly! It was good stuff. We left early Sunday morning and that was that. Heavy Rebel was over for another year. I know what things I'll do differently next year to assure it goes back to being the way it should be. And I'm not saying I didn't have a great time...I DID! Just not as mind-blowing as it usually is, which is disappointing. But I have zero regrets. IN BEER WE TRUST, HEAVY REBEL OR BUST!

Jen May is having a baby RIGHT NOW! My heart is POUNDING!!!

So I might be taking a big, BIG leap soon! The leap had been sort of joked about and tossed around previously but now it's really being dissected and discussed hardcore. There's sort of a chain of command...once THIS happens, then THAT will happen and once THAT happens, I'll do THIS and once I do THIS, we will do THAT! It's really fucking exciting and terrifying at the same time. My heart has been majorly beat-up, raped, abused, and pretty much all but murdered. There was attempted murder but I survived. I spend so much time surviving. I just want to LIVE now, and that's what I'm doing. Livin'. Anyway...stay tuned for more updates on my leaping. Just know that the conversations of the past few days have been legendary and I'm super psyched, which is the way I want to be. The way I DESERVE to be. Maybe I have a shot at Happily Ever After after all!

Had a hot date last night!! Got all dolled up and hit the down for a yummy dinner and tablecloth sketching (I drew a skunk). There was supposed to be making out on a park bench somewhere after but Mother Nature was in a foul mood and had other plans. So we curled up couch-style and watched Cloverfield which was a waste of money and time. But together time is always good. Watching a mini-marathon of Family Guy in bed is good, too. As is eating ice-cream in bed. In fact...besides the fact that my outside gas line is leaking and I have to get a plumber out to my house for all kinds of work...yesterday was a really good day. I'm still on an emo rollercoaster due to events of the past few weeks but it's slowing down. The hills are few and far between these days. The words "I believe in us" kinda set the pace. Pretty soon I hope to be off this crazy ride and just coasting. I believe in THAT!

Alright...I've been waiting since 10:30pm for Baby May! ARGH!!!

Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway.

Something is wrong with me today and I feel a slight panic coming on. The hours have been crawling by which is getting under my skin. And I feel very emotional. I've been flipping between thinking I'm going to cry and thinking I'm going to have an anxiety attack (not because I feel anxious but because my heart is really thumping in there). I guess I feel nervous and there's just no reason for it.

I don't know what's going on with me today. TODAY, of all days, I should be nothing but SUPER PSYCHED! I mean, we're leaving for Heavy Rebel tonight! Sure, my laundry isn't done, I still need a few things from the store, and I'm not packed...but none of those things are bothering me. I know they'll get done before we hit the dusty trail. I want to be PUMPED, God damn it. I've been counting down this trip sincethere were 130 days to go! WTF!?!?!?!

I know...or I'm hoping to Sweet Zombie Jesus...that all of this tightness in my chest with dissolve once we're in the car, Todd and I are holding hands, Johnny is saying something ridiculous, and tunes are blasting. Maybe I'm just over-excited! In a way, this weird feeling in my chest sort of feels like extra adrenaline! And when you get too much adrenaline, you can tend to feel ill! Alright...I'm totally going to ride this wave. I don't feel well because I'm just too damn psyched for Heavy Rebel *has fingers crossed behind back*

Changing lanes, splitting hairs.

Last night was one of the best night's of my entire life. I woke up this morning knowing exactly where I stand and exactly where I belong, where I want to be. Questions I had were answered, promises were made, cloudy became clear (if you want me to be all femmy and poetic). I was told that I am solid, that I am a backbone, that I am someone to draw strength from...which is pretty damn cool. The pain from the past few weeks has been erased and I am totally at ease...and shocked. My heart is full. Life is good.

This is going to be the most amazing Heavy Rebel ever. How could it not be? Me, the love of my life/future husband, best friend on the planet, a couple (literally...man-n-wife) that means more to me than cheese, my out-of-town bestie...all together. All Chillaxing. All keeping each others minds off of the garbage that's going on back home in "the real world" of our daily lives. And all of our other local and long-distance buddies will be there with no other motive than to have massive amounts of fun. It's exactly what I need exactly when I need it.

I feel at ease since I'm done couting down the days.

Tomorrow, I will be hyper counting down the hours.

REJOICE! We made the right choice.

I've cashed my adorable government check (thanks, China) and have begun stimulating the economy by spreading the wealth around. Now I need my "economy" stimulated and the "wealth spread", if you catch my drift. And my "drift" needs catching, by the way. And what I mean to say is that I have Spring Fever...again. Va-voom! And it's not like last year where I was just leading with my vagina and I noticed every boy in the room (you tend to overdose on eye candy when your boyfriend is emotionally abusing you several times a week). Now it's just like I have a neon bar sign in my sights that is flashing my boyfriend's name with the stimulus bypassing my brain and going straight for my drawers. Trashy, I know. Dirty, and I like it. It's been hard to sit still today...is there an equivalent to "blue balls" for girls? Cause I've got it. The equivalent. Not the balls. I need a cold shower or wet towel. Or nakie boyfriend!

Pause. Regroup. Grow up. Focus.

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I'm drawing blanks. I have nothing that isn't at least PG-13 to say! I could talk about how we spontaneously went to the movies last night and he whispered in my ear and pulled me close to him but THAT made me warm up. I could blather about how he fixed the bedroom TV and I planted myself in the nook while we watched Family Guy but we were all arms and legs and head rubbing and purring so THAT won't help me. Oh this morning? A morning that is usually started with a quick kiss, a hug, and an "I love you"? Yeah. Eff that just like your sister did the football team. This morning paved the way for my filthy brain to start patting itself on the back! I want to go home and get a "pat on the back" myself but nooooooooooo! I'm getting my wig done did by the foxy Anna Banana! But since I was informed that gettig a skunk stripe is going to get me married off...I betcha the clothes will go flying when I get home. Can someone please slap me on the back of the hand or something? Jesus.

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Uh...I don't even feel like yapping about Heavy Rebel! DAMN!

I'm sure this feeling will end. It always does. It's fleeting...like an orgasm after a quickie! At least I'm not crying my eyeballs raw and hiccuping and hoping that a train will bust through my window and take me out! And for serious numb nuts...I'm never suicidal no matter how much I bawl. There's too many things I haven't done yet in life and too much fun to be had. There's always a calm after the storm or whatever. Plus, my vag would never forgive me if ghost intercourse was a let down. So just let me enjoy my frisky mood but don't stand too close to me. It could be contagious. Spring Fever is something that medical experts haven't spent nearly enough time studying. So says I...Nurse Lacey Cakes!