Monday, March 08, 2010

Life is really un-fun right now.

8:00am on Saturday morning and there I was stuck at the doctor's office, again. Bronchitis. Awesome. I've been sick 3 times in the past 5 weeks and to be honest, my attitude has really become very "I don't care about anything any more".  I'm quite aware that's a defeatest attitude. I don't care about working out, I don't care about being a bitch, I don't care about getting going on the art show. I just pretty much gave up which is sucko because I felt so upbeat and pumped last week.

This is all so fucking lame, pardon my French, and pardon the fact that I'm not fond of the French. I don't want to be touched, I don't want to be talked to, I don't want to eat or laugh or anything. Maybe I should have started this out by saying I am NOT depressed. I'm don't tolerate that. Spazzy? Yes. A lot. Depressed? No. I don't work like that. I really hate feeling this way and I want to shake it off but it's stuck. I'm hoping for a drastic improvement once my lungs stop trying to escape and the weather improves.

I'm not having a pity party. I'm just pissed.

I've exercised, tried to eat healthier, lessened my alcohol intake, tried to get quality sleep, attempted to lower my my stress levels, got a family doctor to keep track of things...all to no avail. I've been poked and prodded (my doctor is hungry for blood). What's my next step? I don't believe in hollistic medicine or acupuncture, hypnosis, any of that shtuff. I certainly don't think prayer is going to suddenly give me a new immune system (sorry mom).

Yeah, I'm done bitching for now. It's not helping anything.

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