Dude better ease on up!

Dear Snow:

Drop dead immediately, if not sooner.

Sincerely,
Me

P.S. Take that little light in my car that allerts me to the fact that I'm sliding with you. I KNOW when I'm sliding, you stupid, bright orange, son-of-a-bitch.

On a lighter note, my weigh-in and measurement went well and I can't WAIT for next month's results. I dropped 1.05 pounds of body fat but my actual weight went UP 1 pound. This almost made me flip my lid but they said that means I've gained 2 pounds of pure muscle! You better believe I'm flexing at this very moment. I cooled down after the explaination and the rest was gravy.

In the inches department, I lost "everywhere a woman wants to lose". I'm down 2.75" in my abs, 2.75" in my HIPS (!!!), and .5" in my bust, which is a really nice way of saying "back fat". The girl measuring me kept saying she hated me because I'm now a perfect hourglass. It stroked my ego a little bit, if you want me to be honest. Todd was really proud. I'm proud. Now I just have to use my new muscle to burn more fat and drop lbs!

Had a nice dinner with Todd. Shot the breeze. Cursed the impending blizzard. Planned some of our "Chill Weekend" which is SUPPOSED to include a trip to Now That's Class tonight but at this moment, I can't see it happening. Once you're home and comfy and chilling together, it's hard to get motivated to go back out in the cold. And I'll be honest, I'm just not a fan of Now That's Class. But I AM a fan of our friends. I guess we'll see if Todd overturns his executive decision of "we're staying home" once we get done opening our joint checking account.

We're PRACTICALLY adults. Practically.

Hey snow...plan a murder/suicide with "Fireflies" by Owl City. OK?

Let me hear your body talk.

Kitties-n-Ponies-n-Rainbows-n-Mushiness ALERT!

My husband was waiting for me in my work parking lot as I pulled in this morning. He was waiting to give me a hug and a kiss to start my day. I needed it after having a dream that my friend's dog was attacked by another dog and I had to tend to his bloody wounds as he was wincing. Nightmares can really shove a person's day in a totally effed up direction. Affection from a dude who loves your stupid ass can set this right again. Thank sweet zombie Jesus.

I be up in the gym just workin' on my fitness!

Yeah, I worked out harder than I ever have last night. My body is purring. I'm getting stronger, that much I know for sure. I love working out with my gal pals but I feel like I push it just a little harder when I'm alone. Most likely because I'm not running my mouth. We're broads. We chit chat. When they're not there, I have no one to talk to so I just push, push, push. I was proud of myself yesterday. I felt it head to toe, H-to-T.

A big congrats to Tessa who lost a boatload of inches and pounds and body fat after last night's weigh-in!!! I hope that I have a fraction of the good news that she got at my own weigh-in tonight. And multiple high-fives to Sharon who also shed inches and pounds. I'm so happy for you gals and am like a proud mama that we all stuck to it through the first month. Now that you've seen results, the next 2 months will be a easy as cake, a piece of pie, or whatever! Of course now I want cake and pie...DAMN ME!

When I meet my goal, I'm buying myself gray Classic Cardi Uggs. Mmmmm.

If only you'd tell us, we'd let you go!

My morning playlist included jams by the following:

Chicago, Mohammed Rafi, Dead Milkmen, Lady Gaga, The Spits, Murder City Devils, Buddy Holly & The Crickets, The Fratellis, Kings of Nuthin', Leslie Gore, Superdrag, Ida Maria, The Riverdales, Madonna, and Joan Jett & The Blackhearts. What a mess! All over the map!

I'd say 75% of the music on my Ipod is junk that no one wants to listen to but me. But DAMN, does it make me happy! My name is Patti Cake and I am NOT afraid to admit I listen to horrible music, dance around in my underwear, and sing at the top of my llllllungs in the car, amusing truckers for miles!

Yeah, I downloaded the new AFI album. What!? WHAT!?

And Cult Of The Psychic Fetus opening for Deadbolt? RAD!

Since Saturday morning, I've been on some sort of goofy, happy, highschool high! Everything just seems to be falling into place. Work, home, marriage, money...we're opening a joint checking account on Friday like real, live adults! I think the only stress I have right now is getting our family vacation paid off by the end of April. It's rare for things to be going this smoothly. I'm afraid to jinx it!

I am having a little trouble getting started on my projects for the Arts & Oddities by The Painted Ladies of NE Ohio show. I just don't know where to begin. I need to pick one of my 3 areas (Alpha Bastards, mannequin parts, or VooDooBillys/VooDooBettys) and just dive in. I think I see trips to Pat Catan's & JoAnn's in my weekend future!

Speaking of the future...

Tomorrow is my first measurement/weigh-in as I've hit the one month mark of working out. I'm slightly nervous because I was down and out for 2 weeks with a virus, a flu, and a general inability to hold my own head up. I'm only 4 workouts behind but I'm still bumming...I need some results to keep the motivation high! The goal was 15 pounds and 8 inches by April 20th...man, there are a lot of numbers in this paragraph. I don't want your brains to hurt! Just wish me luck!

And a little air between your lips and mine.

Eating grapes and cheese makes me happy.

Listening to "Blood and Peanut Butter" makes me happy, too.

I'm in a stellar mood on a Monday which is a rare thing. It could have something to do with the fact that Todd and I were like teenagers this weekend. I think I fell in love all over again which is either awesome or gross, depending on your Monday mood. If you told me you fell in love with your fella/lady all over again, I'd probably stick knitting needles in my ears (in the eyes would be taking it too far). We laughed a lot. He likes the way I say "sandwidge" and made me one for today's lunch. I think I took my favorite picture of him ever yesterday...and my favorite picture of us. Random, I know.

Get out your needles and deal with it.

Things To Look Forward To...


4 days until fun time @ Now That's Class.
18 days until Phoebe's art opening & our date w/ Donny and Sadie.
19 days until Phoebe's wedding reception awesomeness.
45 days until our 2 year anniversary (of dating).
61 days until Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons.
69 days until Deadbolt.
84 days until Reverend Horton Heat.
106 days until we leave for vacation.

I nearly died for you!

Our wedding was 5 months ago today. Heart-Go-Throb!

Speaking of throbbing, my stomach and intestines aren't so much anymore. I only tossed once yesterday and I think that's because I tried to eat cake. Genius move on my part. While my insides are no longer exploding to the outside, I'm still feeling flu-y in the sense that I'm dragging like a zombie. Hopefully I'm on the mend because I miss seeing sights outside of our bed (it's far less sexy when there's a garbage can next to my side in case I get the urge to purge) and for crying out loud, I want to work out!

Have you seen "Whip It"? There's a song playing as Bliss walks through the party at Hot Tub Johnny's that I can not get out of my head. Not the song she plays on the record player but the song as she walks TO the record player. The part is instrumental though I can't say for certain that the whole song is. There's defintiely some brass in there...trumpets. I need to know what song it is. That 10 seconds of song makes me really happy, like the beginning of "Twiggy Twiggy" by Pizzacato Five.

Golly, it feels good to blather.

I'm looking forward to the new Alice In Wonderland flick coming out next month. Tim Burton has yet to let me down in our 20+ years together. I'm thinking of getting a T.B. tribute tattoo...but not of his face. I don't need MORE nightmares. And speaking of movies I'm looking forward to (from a few sentences back)...when does "The Runaways" come out? It got good nods at Sundance. Joan Jett is so deliciously disgusting, I can't wait. But I'll have to sneak my own Sno-Caps as most theaters aren't carrying them anymore. Lame.

OK, for the second time I edited my rant about the breast feeding billboard by my house. I don't feel like getting into a big debate with anyone. Bottom line: I hate the billboard. If you want to breastfeed, have breastfed, are currently breastfeeding as you read this, cool. But I still hate the billboard.

The end.

*no time to be clever*

You've got to be effing kidding me.

I've thrown up 4 times since lunch. FOUR TIMES. Out of the clear blue sky. I am TOTALLY empty but my brain and my stomach are conflicting because it still wants to throw up despite the emptiness. And I feel dizzy as fuck...sorry for the language but I'm pissed off. I was finally feeling better and now I feel worse than I did on Wednesday! WHAT GIVES? FFFFFFF.

Ugh. Here we go again.

*whimper*

No, it's not like any other love.

I'm going to mark this Valentine's Day weekend a success regardless of the fact that my wallet is currently trying to commit suicide. I keep trying to coax it off the ledge but there will be no reasoning with it until Wednesday when it feels full again. Sorry wallet but the spending was worth it for a change.

Main reasons why the weekend deserves a super hard, super high high five? I got to spend some one-on-one time with my broads Phoebe and Carol. Phoebe and I were all over the map on Saturday, getting gourmet cupcakes, donuts, blind box toys and talking trash. I haven't spend ANY worthwhile time with her since the wedding. It was nice to just cruise around and be goofy. She doesn't care if I'm unwashed and ridiculous. It was a solid afternoon that could have developed into a solid evening if I didn't have a family function (which was also pretty rad).

Tom and Carol were our Valentine's Day dates yesterday. Two more dates and we might get lucky! We went to PF Changs and drank ginger beer (no bun in the oven this month...but we only JUST decided to try) and stuffed ourselves silly...while talking trash. Must be the theme of the weekend. Went to see The Wolfman which I loved more than anyone else, I guess. It made me jump and it made me get excitedly creeped out. There was plenty of (blood) red for the holiday! I missed those guys. Pictures will be up on STALKING MY LIFE later today.

And who got a copy of New Moon for their birthday? THIS GUY!

So our first Valentine's Day as married people was aces. But now that V-Day is over, there isn't a whole lot to look forward to which makes my week crawl along. The holidays are over, my birthday festivities are over, not much going on until summer, really, besides the show and screening of "Jesus County Fair" at Now That's Class in a few weeks. Vacationing in June. Oh! The Painted Ladies of NE Ohio Arts & Oddities Show is at the end of July...I need to start investing some time in that! Voo-Doo dolls aren't going to make themselves!

Can you describe what it's like?

Forgive me for going all bitchy ballistic but I've been tossing my cookies and aching in places I didn't even know could ache for THREE DAYS NOW and I want some flipping relief! My getting sick has been fewer and further between but when I get it, I GET IT and now someone's GONNA GET IT!  Innocent bystandards, I apologize in advance if you get caught in my windmill of rage. I'm dropping 'bows and getting all Ninja. Or I would be if I could HOLD ME OWN HEAD UP!

Yeah, I've stopped exploding top to bottom (eeeeeeeew) but now I'm dealing with the aftermath...I'm aching, I'm exhausted, I'm weak, and I'm afraid to eat anything but mashed potatos since Todd makes them so smoothe that they just sliiiiide right back up. Throwing up pizza is NOT awesome...ouch. I'm grouchy. And for the inquiring minds who are dying for me to get preggo, there is no bun in this oven unless we've got a Rosemary's Baby situation on our hands. This thing...whatever it is...is fighting it's way out anyway it can.

Only awesome thing I did since I've been sick? Put the deposit down on our Disney World vacation and booked all of the restaurants. They said if you want to eat at any of the nice sit down joints, you betetr book 180 days in advance and they weren't kidding! Ah, my happy place. Is it June yet???

Tonight: Whip It, Zombieland, blanket-n-pillow.

Moving on, now that I've been the BIGGEST baby...

Valentine's Day is this weekend and I don't care what all the tuff guys out there say, I like Valentine's Day. I like flowers. I like getting cards and I like GIVING cards. I don't NEED a special day to tell the people I love that I love them...but why not? It's not going to hurt. And we're going to do Valentine's Day OUR way...we're going to sleep in, eat a bunch of yummy food at P.F. Chang's, drink Szechuan Mary's and ginger beer, and go see the remake of The Wolfman. Spicy and terrifying, just the way Valentine's Day SHOULD be.

Santo Chevelle Gansert

I ask myself, "What could you do?".

Trapped in Sick City! SEND HELP!

Yesterday I was sore from the shoulders up and the hips down. I thought maybe I was getting sick or I was still dehydrated from this weekend's festivities. I went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday and Todd's first day at his new job and felt pretty solid. Aching but solid. NOT the same case when I woke up this morning.

Todd was already gone when I rolled out of bed and thank goodness for that because it was a sorry display. My head is pounding and my throat is froggy but those are just flukes! This seems to be a flu/virus/nuisance of the stomach variety. Yeah...it's not a pretty picture to paint. The symptoms are somewhat gruesome. I could try and be clever but I won't...I feel like I've been hit by a bus.

All I want to do is put on pajamas, curl up in our bed, and watch Zombieland and Whip It (recent birthday gifts to me from me) while I whimper quietly. I have the chills which is irritating. And I'm sweating which makes it worse. Per usual, I wouldn't mind punching babies or kicking dogs.I'm pretty sure the Alien is about to burst forth from my mid-section. Balls.

119 days until Disney World. My reason not to die of Flu.

It's early but I'm doing what I can!

Let's just get this out of the way: I'm so disappointed in you, Colts. You could've won. You should've won. And Hank? The first time I actually SEE YOU involved in a play...you botch it. It's official, my 6 year reign of calling Super Bowl winners is over. BUT...I did have the winning squares for both the 1st and 2nd quarters! That's right, the first half of the Super Bowl (and 80 bones) belongs to ME! Zombieland and Whip It, here I come!

I'm 31 and loving it!

Birthday weekend was a smashing success and I want to thank EVERYONE for EVERYTHING. All of the bands that played, everyone that came, everyone that brought food, booze, gifts, everyone who sent warms wishes...thank you! I couldn't have had a better time. Honestly.

While the whole night (and into the morning) solidly rocked, I think my favorite moments were a three way tie between Gimmed Dat Shoe's AMAZING cover of "Maneater", hearing Mountain Shaker do "Bust a Move" at the exact moment I turned 31, and staying up until 6:00am talking with Ben while Todd rubbed my head. Good times.

And my favorite gift?? I got some truly cool stuff...a sticker that says "This Vehicle Transforms Into Robot" and a ghost Dunny I've been lusting after (thanks Phoebe!!), a pendant and mix CD (sooooooo awesome) from Erin, Sugar's hilarious owl necklace and t-shirt that says "Liquor Is Quicker", mischievious carrot salt and pepper shakers from Bob & Stephanie, and much, much more (Mad Dog 20/20 anyone?). But my favorite and most clever gift?? Jen's "baby making" bag!! It was a beautiful purse filled with pre-natal vitamins, Cocoa Buttery lotion, and a Twix bar! BWAHAHA. I get the hint...we're on it!

So 31 beat the pants off of 30. I'm a happy girl.

Our foster dog, Nitro, came yesterday. I was not pro-second dog but...he's totally got me suckered. Shelby is running on go at all times. She doesnt' sit still, she doesn't chill, she certainly doesn't cuddle. But Nitro (I'm embarrassed to even type that) is a snuggler. He climbed right on my lap, made a circle and napped on me. He knew that he had to win mama over in order to become part of the family. He owns me, all due to being a snuggle bug. Boy oh boy is Shelby a jealous girl! And all she wanted to do was play with him...but I think due to all the excitement, he was tuckered out. She just watched him sleep, waiting for her chance to get her play on.

He's wearing a dog diaper to prevent marking. HILARIOUS!

Spin that record, babe!

My birthday party is in 12 hours and I can't wait. It's been so long since I've had a party here and I know it will be legenday...if everyone is brave enough to battle the snow, which they had better be! It's going to be a full house with 4 bands and swarms of friends coming and going. I know exactly how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do and I can't wait to celebrate 31 years of my life with them.

And next comes babies! How's that for an adventure?? I already said that Jen May, Little Jen, April and I will all need to get matching jackets to show the other mother's who rocks the PTA! So maybe I'm going a little overboard.

BACKTRACK...what's ACTUALLY next up is watching Peyton and Hank get their Super Bowl rings tomorrow. That's right. You heard me. I've picked the Super Bowl winners the past 5 years. I have faith that my streak will continue! Nothing like spending your birthday being right and awesome! Forgive me...I woke up in a stellar mode...with really obnoxious breath. Got to remedy that. I hope I see all of y'all here tonight for the mayhem.

31, HERE I COME!

Hello FEBRUARY! Month of my BIRTHDAY! Month of my Birthday BASH! And month that many mamas shot people I love out of their junk...especially Becky, Hot Trash Erin, Grimm and Erin R. Yep. I just talked about yo mama's junk on my blizzog. Whatchu know 'bout that? BWAHAHA, sorry. I just wanted to try out being a white trash thug. Doesn't work for me. Anyway, please don't beat me up. I love you guys AND yo mamas.

ONWARD!

After 1 week of working out, I've lost 4% of my body fat! Sure, I was up a pound but they said I'm gaining muscle (it can also be water weight). But the drop in body fat has me jazzed. I'm anxious to see what the scale and omron have to say this Friday. I've been soda free for a week and don't miss it a bit, I'm trying to make friends with water (zombies bless you, Crystal Light), and our fridge is stocked full of healthy goodness. Kate Moss says nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. I believe you can have both. I also believe if I karate chopped her in the back she'd shatter like glass.

We're no longer going on our tropical vacation. INSTEAD...we're going to Disney World! One of my happy places! The day the kiddo gets out of school, we're hightailing it to Florida of fun. We could've gone on a cruise and spent a bunch of money and chowed down on a bunch of food and it would've been great. But he's only going to be little once. Now's the time to take a family trip and I know we'll have a bl-l-l-ast. I'm going to ride the Haunted Mansion rides until my head spins! An additional plus to switching gears...if my eggo gets preggo by June, Disney World is something I can still do and be happy. I can't imagine being a happy camper on a swaying boat when I can't take any meds and can't drink. I would've been a bummer.

Not in Disney World!

And Todd got a job! TODAY! The pay isn't exactly what he hopped for but at this time, in this economy, a job is a job. It takes a lot of pressure off of me being the only provider. Sure, he's getting unemployment but it's not the same. It's almost laughable. I'm still appreciative of it...but it wasn't the same. And sitting at home day in and day out can get to a person. It'll be good for him to be out and about and being occupied will help with his weight loss goals, too. I needed this pick me up. My day didn't start off too well...bank fuck up and NO SLEEP due to painfully dry skin keeping me up all night, clawing away like a horror flick.

So there you have it. I'll be 31 on Sunday and life is good.