Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Pain. Plain vanilla pain.

I'm in pain. Agonizing, unbelieveable, begging to temporarily end your life kind of pain. I could compare it to emotionally pain, which is typically the WORST kind of pain. Where you roll up in a ball and sob from your very core, your eyelids swell, and things you didn't know could ache, ache. You're fairly certain you'll never catch your breath, you can't sit, lay, or stand still, and there's no possibility of sleep because your brain will not shut off even for a brief moment. You're fucked. You're stuck until something inside you heals itself. I know you know what I mean. If you have a vagina, you've had this kind of emotional pain.

Now keep that feeling, the side effects of emotional pain, but make it physically based. The pain is physical but it's gut wrenching's torture. That is where I'm at right now. I feel emotionally wrecked due to physical pain. Oh, and I might murder someone because of it. So I guess we can throw a little psychology into the mix. Do you think I'm being melodramatic? I'm a being a little coo-coo bird? I don't even fucking care at this moment in time. There's a hole in my eardrum and it is currently ruining both my life and my ability to care about others or the way they perceive my emotional/physical/mental cocktail of pain. Everyone can just jump off a bridge right now. And if they're too chicken to jump, I'll push 'em. Hope you can swim.

Enough drama. Let's get serious.

After a pretty rad date weekend with my mate, and hitting the "2 months to go" mark on the wedding countdown, I went to bed in a happy and descent mood. I woke up to pain. Insert whatever horrific adjectives you want in front of "pain" still won't be good enough to describe how I feel. There was tossing and turning and tears...I ended up with Strep, a 101 fever, and a ruptured eardrum, the later of which is pushing me to my limits. I've never felt anything like it (well, I HAVE because it's happened before, but I was wee and don't recall the horror). Every sound...every airplane, every dog bark, every high-pitched ready to unleash the potential murderer in me. So steer clear.

There aren't enough Snickers in the WORLD to soothe me.

1 comment:

phoebe marie said...

:( suck-a-roo, dude! i don't even want to try to say anything funny to cheer you up, in case the potential laughter it might create would hurt...
if you need anything, though, i'm here. if i can help - i will.
meantime... feel better! ouchie ouch ouch.