Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I'm just looking for that home stretch.

I feel fucking sick to my stomach today. Parasite sick. Morning sickness sick. I feel like there's a fishbowl in my head and any second, if you look into my eyes, you'll see a fishy swimming past. I'm not sick or ill or lethargic. I'm not hungover. I'm not being dramatic. I'm NERVOUS. I'm chock full of nerves. I'm in a panic and it's honestly making me physically ill. I don't want to talk about the gorey details because I will either cry (which I vowed to stop doing) or throw up (which wouldn't be very appropriate at this moment). I just want to solve my problem so I can stop holding my breath and function normally! I'm a wreck. This is so bad. I haven't been in this kind of fucked up situation in a long time. It's embarrassing. And sickening, clearly.

Regardless of my little black rain cloud...

I got a lot off my chest yesterday...but don't worry. There as plush and bountiful as ever. A lot of things I had to say, I said. Things I HAD to say. You can only keep things bottled up for so long before the bottle breaks, despite what Counter Clockweyes thinks. And sometimes it's hard to MAKE a person sit down and listen to you, especially if it's an adult...an adult that might be hurt by things you have to say. But if it's important...you make it happen. I made it happen. Relieving that stress made room for new stress (ex. little black rain cloud situation). I hate the phrase "we have to talk". It's just flat out gross. But I guess in real, grown-up relationships...you have to talk sometimes. And sometimes what you say opens someone else's eyes. So...I feel good about that. I'm glad I talked. I'm glad I was listened to. I'm just fucking glad all over.

I'm also glad that Todd and I are going to Columbus this weekend. Not to sound like a hippie or all wishy-washy...but Becky is a very calming presence in my life. I think we fought TWICE and both times it was over something stupid and while we weren't speaking, I felt like one of my limbs had been ripped off by a dinosaur. Anyway, I've been ultimately stressed out ever since my surgery. I haven't been sleeping. I haven't been productive. I haven't been very emotionally awesome. Becky is the most awesome person I know so she's probably the person that can snap me out of this non-awesome state I'm currently existing in. Todd helps too. He snuggles the non-awesomeness out of me. And I'm glad he gets to spend some time with Becky. She's the other love of my life. This sugary dose of sappiness is not helping my stomach distress. Blech! Over.

It's Lacey/Phoebe Date Night tonight and she said the beers are on her. That was music to my ears since I have $5 in my wallet that I'm saving for some sort of horrific emergency taht will no doubt come my way. Though $5 COULD get me 3 beers at our new hangout. Isn't that amazing? Amazing. I love the world we live in...or at least the cheap beer part of it. I do not love how filthy I currently feel so I need to schedule some sort of hosing off period before hang-time. I know Phoebe loves my filth but everyone has a limit.

I like Ben and Johnny using the phrase "tasties". I wish I could.

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