Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I tell them what the smile on my face meant.

I feel like I've been totally rewired. I'm all robot aside from this weird knot in my chest that just won't go away. It probably would if I feels like one of those obnoxious suckers...but I don't feel like crying. My eye make-up looks pretty solid today and you can't mess with that. And crying is for pussies. But focusing back in on my recent robotics...I do not feel like myself and haven't since Monday. The first half of Monday, I was like a poster girl for life and livin' it. And by Monday afternoon, I was punching babies and spitting in faces. Yesterday I just wanted nothing to do with anything besides sitting on my porch and staring into space. Todd lured me back inside with Futurama...a cartoon featuring a robot. Fitting.

I've heard way too much Def Lepard today.

I don't know what's going on with me. I mean, I guess I do...but I'm not going to talk about it. And before you jump to conclusions, you might as well jump off a bridge. This is NOT about getting married. My feet have been firmly planted by my (future) husband's side since the day he nakedly got down on one knee. So don't go returning your gifts or making other plans. I know it's a combination of things that's mooding me and that combo is filled with stress. It's not a tasty treat. And my brain just won't turn off so lots of thinking about lots of things has gone on and my gray matter is trying to escape just to get a break. I heard a wise and very thin woman recently say something along the lines of "Besides the shoes and great sex and no parents anywhere telling you what to do...being a grown up sucks". Something like that. I'm with her. I'm with you Meredith!

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