I'm living for something I can't even define.

I am painting again and I have Phoebe and some strange man with a stick figure obsession to thank for it. We have put our artistic suits back on in this house and it is now covered in magazine clippers, cups of water, canvas, needles, ink, paint, and whatever else you can use to make something absurd. Phoebe has finished 4 pieces already. I am wrapped up in two works: one entitled "No One Has Been Knee-Deep In My Vagina In a Long Time" and my obsession, "Panty Man".

It feels so good to be sitting at work, thinking about painting. Dying to paint. I had an ex-boyfriend who loved my art. Thought of me as an artist (which I do not). Longed for my art. And then I had a husband who was better than me and therefore didn't recognize how much of myself I put into each piece. I went almost 3 years with barely working at all. I don't want to sound poetic but I feel alive again. Something that was gone came back. Like the cat who came back the very next day...you wanted him to go, he could not stay away.

It's good to have Phoebe here. We do different things in different mediums and styles so there's no artistic head-butting. It was nice to have her on the floor doing her thing while I did mine on the couch. Sound pornographic...and I like it. Welcome back paint! Try and stay out of my eye, por favor!

Speaking of feelin alive...I plan on feeling VERY alive around 10:00p tomorrow night at Nemeth's in Painsville for the Pussyfoot Girls show with Rambler 454 and Lords of the Highway. And then I plan on feeling very dead due to the very cheap, very secret PBR special that will be taking place all evening. I'm excited. I'm optimistic. I'm motivated. Things are looking pretty up in these parts, I must say.

What do you say when you can't stop shaking?

I lead a charmed life. And I don't mean charmed in any reference to those three sister witch bitches. I'm talking about my life as an Ol' Kentucky Shark. My friends are incredible people who celebrate each other's differences and personalities. I know I've said it before but I'll say it again. For the first time in my life, I know that I really belong with these people. They challenge me, they support me, they laugh at my foolish antics (drunken or sober), and they make me proud. They're good eggs, each and every one of them!

But Carol "The Shoe", she's the best egg of them all, and everyone came out to pay tribute to her 40 years as a "bad muthafuckah", to quote The Legendary Hucklebucks, who also made the trip to worship her on Saturday night. Phoebe and I got gussied up as The Avengers and rocked Yorktown Lanes at it's foundation for the Super Vixen bash! Carol had a goofy grin plastered all over her mug that night and she deserved it. Beer, broads, band, bishops...and rubber chicken!?!?!? What more could a gal ask for. We love you Carol. We are eternally obsessed.



And though we were told today that January 23rd is a depressing day, I'm going to be the exception to that rule...FOR ONCE! Things went my way ALL DAY LONG! I am a happy girl. Physically, emotionally, mentally, what have you. I should be slapped. I'd say more but my rantings are not PG-rated. Life is good. Kissing is better. My pillows have a nice smell. I'm a lucky fucking duck. Yeah, I felt the need to drop the "f" bomb. Feel free to see me. Maybe my joy can rub off on ya on this day of doom. VIVA!

Her head exploded like an atom bomb!

Last year, I made a vow to see over 100 different bands and by golly, I finally became a woman of my word! I kept track of what bands I saw (I am positive that I left some off...if you saw some shows with me, feel free to remind me. I have one brain cell left and it's asleep) and how many time so I can share with the world what a rock-n-roller I was. And then I lost the list which is a fine definition of the person I really am. But THEN when digging through the backseat of my car which closely resembles a landfill full of rotten zombie corpses, I found the list. It pains me to think of how much money I spent on music in 2005. How DO I afford my rock-n-roll lifestyle?

BANDS I SAW IN 2005

Wailin' Elroys (x2)
Gin Palace Jesters
Peelander-Z (x2)
Lives of the Saints
Dropdead Sons
Salt Miners
Lords of the Highway (x18)
Koffin Kats (x6)
Marauders
Vista Cruisers (x3)
Kiddo
The Bravado
Lost Sounds (x2)
Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival (x3)
Hank III (x2)
Hazzard County Girls
Radio Beats
Blow Tops
Trailer Park Tornadoes
Capgun Cowboys (x3)
7 Shot Screamers (x2)
Turbo ACs
Motorhead
Interfuse
Vitamin
This Moment In Black History (x3)
Coffinberry (x2)
Pete Yorko and the One Man Music Band
Bob's Country Bunker
Pistol Whippers (x2)
Gore Gore Girls
Mistletoe
Amps II Eleven (x2)
Cobra Verde
House Guest
Throw Rag
JB Beverly (x2)
Deke Dickerson and the Ecco-Fonics (x2)
Legendary Shack Shakers
Legendary Hucklebucks
Sasquatch and the Sick-a-Billies (x4)
Cash O'Reily (x3)
Red Shift
Honkeytonk Damnation
The Hunches
Nekromantix
The Hentchmen
Zippo Raid
Bo-Stevens
Straight 8s
Deviltones
Blatant Finger
Bloodshot Bill
Rock-Ola
Thee Merry Widows
Super F'n Judo Chop
Red Hot Poker Dots (x2)
Devil Spades
Psychocharger
Speed Crazy
Brimstones
Defilers
Gravy Boat
Jerry King and the Rivertown Ramblers
Blind Pharaohs
Kenneth Brian
Kings of Nuthin'
Cool-Aide
Buck Stevens and the Buckshots
Corn Mo
They Might Be Giants (x2)
Whiskey Daredevils (x2)
Paulie Rocco
Gluttons
Self Destruct Button
The Spits
The Feelers (x2)
The Come Along and Eat It
Kill the Hippies (x2)
The Krunchies (x2)
Peter Torque
Casket Gasket
CD Truth
40 Thieves (x2)
Wayne Hancock
Reigning Sound
Al Foul (x2)
Cult of the Psychic Fetus
Rot Shit
McShits
Fashion Fashion
River City Tanlines
King Louie
The Jeffs
Catholic Boys
Functional Blackouts
Throw Down
Cunt Puppet
Slack-Jawed Yokels (x4)
Twistin' Tarantulas
Rambler 454
Hayshaker Jones
Cigar Store Indians

This year is starting slowly but it started right with Lords of the Highway rockin' out in MY basement! And tonight? Why, it's Carol High Hair's 40th Birthday party with The Pussyfoot Girls and Legendary Hucklebucks! I got my hair done this morning, my hot pants are mended, my boots are ready! I even have a teeny tiny flask to keep in my clevage! My hairdresser told me I was so lucky to have so many cool events to run off to. She doesn't even know the half of it!

And stay tuned for updates in my "cheese sandwhich" saga. A lot has happened...A LOT...and I can only imagine what is waiting for me this year as far as that goes. I thought I'd never "cheese sandwhich" again let alone "cheese sandwhich" this guy. I think maybe I've been putting guys in this pigeon hole...only like a certain type. Thinking I had to have someone more like me. I finally take a chance and open up to the possibility of something different, someone I have NOTHING in common with...and I've never been happier.

VIVA 2006!

On to somewhere near and far in time.

Switchblade and I are going to be so "in the zone" at Reigning Sound this Friday that I wouldn't make any sudden movements of loud sounds. You could totally scare us and that can lead to harsh words and coma. We're gonna be garage zombies.

I've decided that it's time I get my head shrunk. I wish I could say it was to make a shrunken head or something voo-doo-esque but it's not nearly that cool. Things are just getting crowded in there and I feel like I need to be the rational one...for now.

We lost juice at work today. We also lost the juice on Satruday. Today they let us out of our cages early for good behavior. Saturday, they should have put me IN a cage for BAD behavior. I'm just a sucker for a little sneaky business.

My back still hurts so feel sorry for me already. I am trying to reduce shoulder tension and pamper my lower back like a wuss and it's hard. But the wonder drugs help. I hope I don't end up like Rush Whatshisface. I'm too good for that, yo.

I'm still in "cheese sandwich", now more than ever. There hasn't been a disagreement or a tiff or a frowning face-off in over 17 days, oh my golly. I love all this "getting along". I love having a fella to be all 7th grade about. And vice-versa.

I see leopard print pajama pants, Oxycodone, my couch, a piece of cheesecake and a fresh new Gilmore Girls in my future. Those are currently the five things I can not live without. Feel free to marvel at the little things that move me.

I gave you love with a brand new start.

Happy Birthday Carol "The Shoe, High High, Queen La Tata" Shoe-Lane! 40 has never looked so good! I hope that this next decade of your life rocks your pants off! But not in public because that might make you blush. Fo' real...I hope you have a great birthday and that your fourties are everything you hope they will be. No birthday gift I could possible give you could show how much you mean to me, pally. HAPPY MUTHA-TRUCKIN' BIRTHDAY!

Today, I was a busy little bee at work. Buzz buzz buzzing around the office all day. The super busy days are the ones I love the most. It was difficult at first because my head wasn't properly screwed up and therefore, I was not focused. I went back to the doctor's on Tuesday because my back was still giving me grief. I returned with new medications including the bid daddy of all pain killers. It seems that my entire back was in simulatenous spasm! But once I got the hnag of which drugs to take when, I began feeling MUCH better. Until I got in my car and started driving to work and realized my head was full of fuzz! The muscle relaxers and pain killers were supposed to be short lived. I never guess that taking them at night would leave me mildly retarded in the morning. Sheeeesh!

But my back is on the mend, I've returned to work, and all is good in the neighborhood! Being so buzy at work kept my mind from fixating on things it had recently been fixating on. And it's always when you're NOT thinking about something that something BIG happens. But that's all I'm gonna say about that!

Time to go get pretty for Carol's pizza party!

I guess I'm sayin' you're the only one.

I updated my pictures of the day!----> http://rocknrollsoulsaver.blogspot.com

Put on your slap-happy pants, people, because I've had a great, great day! Fantastico, as my Italian brothers say. I'm not Italian but who gives a fig!?! Fig givers, that's who! A customer repeatedly told me over the the phone that I SOUNDED so happy. She knew I was a happy soul and also knew that dealing with me would be a pleasant experience. When she said goodbye, she told me that she hoped the rest of my day was equally as enjoyable and that I made her day enjoyable as well. I spread the wealth. If I've got it, I share it. It was a damn fine day. Pleasant as punch and pie! I will highlight today on my calendar as being the first really kickin' day I've had in 2006.

All that joy came before I even got home! And THEN...swoon!

And by the way, if you haven't pooped in awhile, have a few cocktails and go see "Hostel". The acting is terrible and there are a lot of cheap boobie shots in the beginning. But the gore is fantastic, there are trays full of rusty tools and weaponry, and the crowning gem? An eyeball scene! I leaned over to my best buddy about half way through and said, "I think you might have to spend the night". Carol "The Shoe" had to watch it through her fingers and thinks it might have crossed the line in regards to her threshold. We need more movies like this. I'm still pooping over it.

Stepped out the tub and put my feet on the floor.

I just took a shower for the first time in days. I was so stanky.

I'm feeling very dizzy and lifeless. I had to use my inhaler for the first time in forever from walking up and down the stairs. Laying on the couch for the past two days has made what little muscles I have useless. I'm crabby, to say the least. And I have a mad case of cabin fever. It set in last night. I couldn't sleep and tossing and turning is not good for my crippled back. Couldn't turn my mind off and my mind was focused on the pain. I'm an unhappy camper.

Thanks to everyone who has refilled my juice glass, brought me plates and napkins, helped me pick things up, adjested my pillow, sent "get well" messages, made comforting phone calls, and so on. I appreciate all the sympathy, for sure. I'm not begging for it but damn, I need it. I feel helpless and I hate feeling that way. I was almost surly last night watching the Pysstfoot Girls practice and not being a part of it. I was probably snippy. I apologize.

Tonight I am going to the farewell dinner for Lisa, but only for a short while. The thought of sitting in a restaurant chair when I'm not supposed to be sitting at all seems like agony. But letting her leave town without saying good-bye would be ever more agonizing. I feel like I should write her an emotional and personal farewell letter but to be honest, I'd probably just be focusing on my back pain. So I'll save that for another day when all my attention will go to her.

I can't believe she no longer has a Cleveland adress. Sigh...

Step on a crack. Break your mama's back.

We have picked a date for Niagara Falls! Here we come, Fun Street!

As I am typing this, I am standing upright. No chair for me and it's not because I'm too cool for one. I hurt my back and for the next five days, I am allowed to stand or stay horizontal. I am allowed to alternate ice packs and heating pads. I am allowed to take a pain killer/swelling reducer combo as well as a muscle relaxer that unscrews my head from it's foundation. I am allowed to eat with the medication and have chosen Chocco-Lunch that Phoebe bought me. I am NOT allowed to work until Monday. I am also NOT CAPABLE of showering because I can't get my clothes on or off without assistance. And I CAN'T stop myself from crying every few hours when the meds where off. And I can't drive which is the worst of all. No cruisin' and listening to Micheal Stanley Band and Joe Jackson for me!

Next week I can look forward to a re-evalutation, X-Rays and the answer as to whether or not physical therapy is in my future. I'm pretty bummed despite my goofy (and medicated) exterior. This is my BACK. That is a scary thing. Something near my spine has slipped out of place and it's really quite frightening. And I'm losing two days of pay which REALLY freaks me out with my property taxes being due and all. My body hates me. This is just another thing to add to the long list of bodily/physical complaints. I don't want a lifetime of back problems. I'm really sad and I don't think anyone is taking my sadness seriously because I currently sound like that one Muppet that played the saxophone in the Electric Mayhem.

Being crippled does make people admit they miss you, which is nice. And it also causes them to suggest you make a list of whatever you need them to do to make you feel better. Making that list will give me something to do over my long, lonely, uncomfortable weekend, fo' sho'. I am all in "cheese sandwhich" again. I am smiling through the pain...unless I'm crying through it.

Just let me prove it to you.

Back to work after a long weekend of drinking, drinking, drinking, rocking, eating, eating dirt, and yes, more drinking (I think I'm going to treat myself to Blue Moons more often). My body is dog-tired. My mind is dog-tired. And I don't want to sound cliche and dog-less but I think I need a vacation from my vacation! I just learned that I slipped on beer in the basement and totally ate dirt at the New YEar's Eve shin-dig but hopped right back up and kept on keepin' on. That should be my motto for 2006: keep on truckin'! But the alleged spill, may explain why my arms and legs appear to STILL weigh ten tons eventhough I've rehydrated and screwed my hear back on to my neck.

But my day didn't start out so peachy keen, to be honest and I'd really like to have more peachy keen days than rotten and fly-infested days this year. So I sucked it up eventhough it was difficult...like sucking jello through a straw...and decided to try and let things roll off my back. I expressed my slight anger and irritaion to the fella who helped make my day less than peachy keen (big jerk that he is) but also assured him that things are cool, just like Fonzie. I know people don't change over night. Or I should say "situations" because he's cool just as he is, fucked up head and all. Sure, I can't be totally "breezy" and pretend nothing bothers me because I'm not built that way (but who is?) and it usually backfires horrifically: a dude will THINK that's how you REALLY are and then when something bothers you and you REALLY react as you would, you're not who they thought you were. But I can pick my battles more carefully. a game of "he said/he said" was not worth my time. I would much rather smooch behind closed doors and get on with my day.

So THAT is what I did and I feel pretty good about it!

Look what you've done to this rock-n-roll clown.

I survived New Year's Eve without a single visit from the authorities. Life is good! I rocked out to bands in my own basement with all my pals, tried sushi, and secured a midnight kiss to guarantee a successful 2006. There were no fights, no arrests, and only one incident of cookie tossing (on my deck, sadly...and the tosser in question had been eating ham). It was drama-free, just the way I like it. And the best thing I've done thus far in the new year? That's right. I ate a piece of pie with some Sharks. I wanted to eat an entire pie but I figure I have the whole year to do that.

MY 2005 "BEST" LIST:

Since this is MY list and I can do whatever I want and you can't stop me...I sort of forgot where I was going with this. My song of the year didn't come from this year but you can stuff it for all I care. It's a good song and I only HEARD it for the first time this year. Why did I get all cranky? This is going to be short and sweet so we can all take New Year's naps.

BEST SONG: "Curtain Calls" by Old 97s
BEST SHOW: Slack-Jawed Yokels, Sasquatch and the Sick-a-Billies, Lords of the Highway, and The Pussyfoot Girls at the Beachalnd Tavern.
BEST ALBUM: "Burning Miles of Sin" by Sasquatch and the Sick-a-Billies.
BAND OF THE YEAR: Lords of the Highway. Fo' real.
BEST SURPRISE: Jimmy from Psycho Charger dedicating "Devil Snake" to me in front of everyone in attendance at Heavy Rebel.

Resolution? I've got a few...and my hopes are high.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y'ALL!