Tonight is the DVD release show for Lords of the Highway at the Beachland. I've been such a show bum recently that I doubt I'll be in attendance. Plus, Carol has gone west and she is one of my top reasons for going to shows anyway. If she's not there, really...what's the point? Who will entertain me? I guess the kick-ass bands will do that but still. I'm a working class bum and I pretty much see myself in my pajamas by 7:30p. But if YOU go, make sure to pick up a copy of the DVD for your viewing pleasure. I make several appearances in the videos (one time it was my birthday and I was drunk and the other time, I had porno hair and was drunk) AND make my acting debut as AMBER, the teenage, trailer trash, mother of Dennis A. Bell's baby. Watch it. Love it.
We're going to my family campout tomorrow and within the parameters of "we" lies Bill and myself. It's the first family event he's going to and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous. He's the most straight laced guy I've ever brought home. He's got a normal job and makes good money and has kids and a car and a house. Sure he has some bad tattoos but you can't see them and there's only a few. He's also the oldest person I've ever brought home with our 8 year age difference. The having kids thing is always a tricky issue but not to me. They're pretty bad ass kids. Maybe it's also a little weird that this is the same event where I introduced Ezra for the first time. Maybe it's the laid back atmosphere and the ability to roam the land that makes it a good setting for introductions. We won't be penned up. I'm rambling. I'm nervous.
Enjoy your weekend.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Laugh, don't cry. I know she'd want it that way.
When you have a good date, you know it. Last night was k-rad to the max, fool.
That just sounded ridiculous didn't it? I'm embarrassed.
Last night, I had a hot date. We went to a mother-truckign FUNERAL!! Isn't that terrible? We encorporated the phrase "we're bad people" into every conversation about everything at any moment because we ARE bad people! We had FUN at a funeral! It made me think of all those terrible gothic bumper stickers I might have found amusing in high school. We didn't mean to put the fun in funeral, it just happened. And it was the father of a guy who I find to be so nice and pleasant. Said hello to me every day at work when I was new. So that was the boo part. Boo. Wah.
But before hand, there was hanky panky and joint showering and getting dressed up. We looked good. We really pull off the funeral attire. We were in and out in 5 minutes (what a pathetic display on our part) and then we headed off to get Chinese food. It was damn good (and not just because Bill paid). I saw a little porceline Saki set that I need for my white porceline collection and Bill bought some wacky Samurai statue. We ate food in bed and I happily slurpped noodles from my soup while watching FREAK SHOW! I am totally in LOVE with Primi, the premature baby with the power of pin-point vommiting. Adorable, kissing, snuggable ("I don't have a belly button yet").
I still feel terrible. Especially about all the smiling and snickering we did at the calling hours. I also feel terrible that I wore a red bra and you could see the straps form time to time. I guess I have no respect for the dead. Regardless, I do have respect for Bill, Chinese food, and cartoons in bed. I respect that a lot.
I don't respect the PT Cruiser pinching game though. YOWZA!
That just sounded ridiculous didn't it? I'm embarrassed.
Last night, I had a hot date. We went to a mother-truckign FUNERAL!! Isn't that terrible? We encorporated the phrase "we're bad people" into every conversation about everything at any moment because we ARE bad people! We had FUN at a funeral! It made me think of all those terrible gothic bumper stickers I might have found amusing in high school. We didn't mean to put the fun in funeral, it just happened. And it was the father of a guy who I find to be so nice and pleasant. Said hello to me every day at work when I was new. So that was the boo part. Boo. Wah.
But before hand, there was hanky panky and joint showering and getting dressed up. We looked good. We really pull off the funeral attire. We were in and out in 5 minutes (what a pathetic display on our part) and then we headed off to get Chinese food. It was damn good (and not just because Bill paid). I saw a little porceline Saki set that I need for my white porceline collection and Bill bought some wacky Samurai statue. We ate food in bed and I happily slurpped noodles from my soup while watching FREAK SHOW! I am totally in LOVE with Primi, the premature baby with the power of pin-point vommiting. Adorable, kissing, snuggable ("I don't have a belly button yet").
I still feel terrible. Especially about all the smiling and snickering we did at the calling hours. I also feel terrible that I wore a red bra and you could see the straps form time to time. I guess I have no respect for the dead. Regardless, I do have respect for Bill, Chinese food, and cartoons in bed. I respect that a lot.
I don't respect the PT Cruiser pinching game though. YOWZA!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Since you've gone I been lost without a trace.
La-La-Lisa
A poem by me, a non-poet and major asshole
La-La-Lisa, oh she's the girl for me!
La-La-Lisa, she as cool as can be!
She left Ohio and me feelin' sad
But you can't spend all day bein' mad
Who could be mad at La-La-Lisa?
La-La-Lisa, she moved oh so far away!
La-La-Lisa must miss Cleveland every day!
Down south being a nurse and such
Now I'll have to drink twice as much
There's no other drunk like La-La-Lisa!
La-La-Lisa, no inhabitions to be found!
La-La-Lisa, she'll wrestle you to the ground!
Knock out the tooth of a large, strong man
Give me a drunken, fake breast exam
So many funny stories 'bout La-La-Lisa!
La-La-Lisa, she went and joined the Force!
La-La-Lisa, she rocks her uniform (of course)!
She may think I can be a big jerk
But I wear my Air Force hoodie to work
Won't you ever come home, La-La-Lisa?
That was more of a catchy tune than a poem. Ta-da!
P.S. I'm super early to work and I'm back in that little relationshipy thing I had going on because I made a list of reasons why I loved the fool in the first place and it put my mind at ease. We have a hot date to go to a funeral tonight. We're bad people. We'll see you in Hell.
A poem by me, a non-poet and major asshole
La-La-Lisa, oh she's the girl for me!
La-La-Lisa, she as cool as can be!
She left Ohio and me feelin' sad
But you can't spend all day bein' mad
Who could be mad at La-La-Lisa?
La-La-Lisa, she moved oh so far away!
La-La-Lisa must miss Cleveland every day!
Down south being a nurse and such
Now I'll have to drink twice as much
There's no other drunk like La-La-Lisa!
La-La-Lisa, no inhabitions to be found!
La-La-Lisa, she'll wrestle you to the ground!
Knock out the tooth of a large, strong man
Give me a drunken, fake breast exam
So many funny stories 'bout La-La-Lisa!
La-La-Lisa, she went and joined the Force!
La-La-Lisa, she rocks her uniform (of course)!
She may think I can be a big jerk
But I wear my Air Force hoodie to work
Won't you ever come home, La-La-Lisa?
That was more of a catchy tune than a poem. Ta-da!
P.S. I'm super early to work and I'm back in that little relationshipy thing I had going on because I made a list of reasons why I loved the fool in the first place and it put my mind at ease. We have a hot date to go to a funeral tonight. We're bad people. We'll see you in Hell.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Reaching out. Touching me. Touching you.
So I left my man. He put a little too much volume and rage in my ear hole this morning and I had enough! I was at the end of my rope, tying it into a noose and slipping it over my head! And now of course now I can't stop crying, we wouldn't even look at each other, and I'm wearing a scarf that is really stupid but I refuse to take it off because I'm prooving a point. I'm not sure what that is but it has to do with me thinking the scar fis cool and not caring what anyone thinks when in all actuality, I'm not too keen on the scarfas a scarf. Maybe as a headband.
Do you see what I'm doing? Trying to distract myself from how rotten I feel. You get upset about the HORRIBLE events that took place Friday and you vent about them...and I guess you vent to the wrong persona nd it gets around now EVERYONE IS PSYCHO! That was a weird way to end that thought but that's how I'm ending it. PSYCHO! I went to my dude's house last night to watch a flick (I was invited over after I was apologized to because he was PSYCHO just like everyone else) and it was stellar and then it turns to fecal remains once I got to work. Why are all of the men in my life like spoiled dairy products? They were once so delicious and desireable and I thought about them constantly...yum yum yum...and then they go bad and make you throw up and poo like mad. And they smell sour. And you throw them away! BAD DAIRY PRODUCTS ARE DESTROYING MY LIFE.
I'm sad. At least Gilmore is on tonight. Bring it on, Lorelai.
Do you see what I'm doing? Trying to distract myself from how rotten I feel. You get upset about the HORRIBLE events that took place Friday and you vent about them...and I guess you vent to the wrong persona nd it gets around now EVERYONE IS PSYCHO! That was a weird way to end that thought but that's how I'm ending it. PSYCHO! I went to my dude's house last night to watch a flick (I was invited over after I was apologized to because he was PSYCHO just like everyone else) and it was stellar and then it turns to fecal remains once I got to work. Why are all of the men in my life like spoiled dairy products? They were once so delicious and desireable and I thought about them constantly...yum yum yum...and then they go bad and make you throw up and poo like mad. And they smell sour. And you throw them away! BAD DAIRY PRODUCTS ARE DESTROYING MY LIFE.
I'm sad. At least Gilmore is on tonight. Bring it on, Lorelai.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Let me die in your arms.
Does it bother anyone else that John Denver wrote "Annie's Song" (a beautiful, romantic, poetic, not too hippie-ish ballad that many people probably either made babies or cried themselves to sleep listening to in the 1970s) about the wife that he beat the living day lights out of? I mean, I just sat here and listened to the Rivers' Cuomo version of it and practically bawled my brains out and for a split second, I wondered if that song ever came on the radio while he was giving her the ol' one-two-Hawaiian-punch.
I'm pretty sure it was my older sister who first put this thougth into my head. Now it's bugging me and I feel the need to listen to it on repeat and see if I can disect a dead man's brain. Let's be honest, lots of things are bugging me. Lots of people are bugging me. And alcohol...that's bugging the sweet bejesus out of me. You mix rowdy people who work together with alcohol and you end up with people crying, people beating on one another, and me, quitting my job and walking out the door with my head held high for a change. This happened Friday night and I'm still on fire about it. ON FIRE! I gave up on my job AND my man that night and woke up feeling pretty damn alright about it. After awhile you stop being sad and get angry. And the angry person rules the world.
Of course all that joblessness and defiance didn't last at all because Saturdays where work is concerned are just a joke. And not of the knock-knock variety. Someone's always hungover or has a busted car or doesn't show or peels the entire top, truck, and back off a truck driving it under a 10'3" bridge (truck is 13' tall mind you). I believe I even used the phrase "I quit yesterday" several times to make people question why I was dealing with work related issues at all but it didn't matter. I still did my best to keep everyone's heads on. No one likes a headless freak.
Man, I really wish I could tell you the whole story but the whole things get worse and worse by the second. It's like that telephone game you play when you're young. It starts out "Bobby thinks Jamie's cute" and ends up "Your mother's a filthy whore who eats babies" and then people are calling you and screaming before your caffein has kicked in. And for once...truly...I DID NOTHING WRONG! I deserve a medal after this weekend. Shoot. I'm still employed but not happily and I'm still in a relationship but I'm questioning it a lot more these days. At least I'm not getting the goop knocked out of me inspiring someone to write a cheese-ball love song...that is really fucking good.
You fill up my senses like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses, come fill me again
Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you
Come let me love you, come love me again
You fill up my senses like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses, come fill me again
I'm pretty sure it was my older sister who first put this thougth into my head. Now it's bugging me and I feel the need to listen to it on repeat and see if I can disect a dead man's brain. Let's be honest, lots of things are bugging me. Lots of people are bugging me. And alcohol...that's bugging the sweet bejesus out of me. You mix rowdy people who work together with alcohol and you end up with people crying, people beating on one another, and me, quitting my job and walking out the door with my head held high for a change. This happened Friday night and I'm still on fire about it. ON FIRE! I gave up on my job AND my man that night and woke up feeling pretty damn alright about it. After awhile you stop being sad and get angry. And the angry person rules the world.
Of course all that joblessness and defiance didn't last at all because Saturdays where work is concerned are just a joke. And not of the knock-knock variety. Someone's always hungover or has a busted car or doesn't show or peels the entire top, truck, and back off a truck driving it under a 10'3" bridge (truck is 13' tall mind you). I believe I even used the phrase "I quit yesterday" several times to make people question why I was dealing with work related issues at all but it didn't matter. I still did my best to keep everyone's heads on. No one likes a headless freak.
Man, I really wish I could tell you the whole story but the whole things get worse and worse by the second. It's like that telephone game you play when you're young. It starts out "Bobby thinks Jamie's cute" and ends up "Your mother's a filthy whore who eats babies" and then people are calling you and screaming before your caffein has kicked in. And for once...truly...I DID NOTHING WRONG! I deserve a medal after this weekend. Shoot. I'm still employed but not happily and I'm still in a relationship but I'm questioning it a lot more these days. At least I'm not getting the goop knocked out of me inspiring someone to write a cheese-ball love song...that is really fucking good.
You fill up my senses like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses, come fill me again
Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you
Come let me love you, come love me again
You fill up my senses like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses, come fill me again
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Gonna get rowdy. Gonna get a little unruly.
Bad blogger! Bad! And for once, I have tons and tons of garbage to talk about! Every night before I hit the sheets (I've been spending some good quality time sleeping at my house recently), I think about spewing some words out on to this page but it just doesn't happen. Television, pillows, and a stuffed ghost win out. And the topics in my head and just all over the map! Very little of them are about boys which should make you happy since I have recently become an emotional SAP ASS! I promise to catch up tonight if I can. That's a bad promise. I'll TRY to catch up and fill your heads full of rubbish. What I PROMISE is that I am going to blog EVERY DAY in October. Even if I just write SLEAZE-BAG in big letters on the page or post a pciture of me pretending to be a carrot vampire (or a carrot walrus depending on your interpretation). So I say it, so it shall be done.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
I can't get what I want prescripted.
General Points of Interest or Disinterest, Depending On Who You Are
1. Little Jen is moving out by the beginning of the month. I believe Tom will be going, too. This will leaving me roommate-less and minus two cats and you know what? I'm pretty OK with that. I've been paid no rent and been able to swing the bills for three people so swinging them for one...who is rarely there...should be utterly possible as long as I stop buying such expensive cheese. I'm looking forward to having the run of the house, along with my 3 children. 3 adults, 5 cats, and a rat? That's pure insanity.
2. I know what I want but I deserve better. What do I do?
3. Season premier of Grey's Anatomy tonight. I'm turning my phone off and not leaving my bed. You mark my words. The premier date has been on my calendar in bright orange letters for DAYS! If Meredith and McDreamy don't get-it-together, all Hell breaks loose.
4. Season premier of American's Next Top Model last night. I had it taped. I'm watching it as soon as I get home if I don't slip into a coma first. I already pegged some bitches and ugly broads when I stole glances at the screen which I should NOT have been doing. I'm a cheater.
5. I think I want to go see Jackass 2 tomorrow. Any takers?
God, this whole thing is really dull. I thought I had a lot to say but I really don't and that's embarrassing. I'm in a foul mood because I got very little sleep. I was fairly certain that if anyone rubbed me the wrong way today, I would have walked right out on my job and never looked back. But then I'd be living in the streets. I wonder how much I'd mind that? I'm not good with cold. Or hunger. I dated/lived with a man who drank too much for far too many years. I was always cleaning up his messes and taking care of him. Why do I feel like I'm starting to get back in that pattern? I am WORTH being nice to! I am WORTH loving! I am NOT around to hide all your beer cans from your children since YOU couldn't because you were an hour and a half late for work! I am girlfriend material not a potential maid. Hmph. There is so much more to this story but I need to let it go for now. It's making me slip into old habits I don't like so much. I just have to remember that there are clean pajamas, pain medication, Pepsi, vegetable soup, a stuffed ghost to snuggle, and lots of television waiting for me at home.
It's not the same as wrapping myself around a hairy (as in his chest and back, certainly not his head), good-smelling dude with a beer belly and watching cartoons and goofing off. That's tops...when everyone is in a good mood and hasn't drank ten times their weight in beer (30+ cans built into a Beer-a-mid on your kitchen table). But maybe I need a break from that to sort of send of a flare in his head (yes, we've digressed to talking about HIM). Do you want me!? Do you REALLY!? Are you missing me when I'm not there!? Are you sober when you're missing me!? The more I've been sleeping at home, the more I've come to the conclusion that his bed isn't as comfortable as I thought.
I might be lying. But don't tell my bed that. It's been good to me.
1. Little Jen is moving out by the beginning of the month. I believe Tom will be going, too. This will leaving me roommate-less and minus two cats and you know what? I'm pretty OK with that. I've been paid no rent and been able to swing the bills for three people so swinging them for one...who is rarely there...should be utterly possible as long as I stop buying such expensive cheese. I'm looking forward to having the run of the house, along with my 3 children. 3 adults, 5 cats, and a rat? That's pure insanity.
2. I know what I want but I deserve better. What do I do?
3. Season premier of Grey's Anatomy tonight. I'm turning my phone off and not leaving my bed. You mark my words. The premier date has been on my calendar in bright orange letters for DAYS! If Meredith and McDreamy don't get-it-together, all Hell breaks loose.
4. Season premier of American's Next Top Model last night. I had it taped. I'm watching it as soon as I get home if I don't slip into a coma first. I already pegged some bitches and ugly broads when I stole glances at the screen which I should NOT have been doing. I'm a cheater.
5. I think I want to go see Jackass 2 tomorrow. Any takers?
God, this whole thing is really dull. I thought I had a lot to say but I really don't and that's embarrassing. I'm in a foul mood because I got very little sleep. I was fairly certain that if anyone rubbed me the wrong way today, I would have walked right out on my job and never looked back. But then I'd be living in the streets. I wonder how much I'd mind that? I'm not good with cold. Or hunger. I dated/lived with a man who drank too much for far too many years. I was always cleaning up his messes and taking care of him. Why do I feel like I'm starting to get back in that pattern? I am WORTH being nice to! I am WORTH loving! I am NOT around to hide all your beer cans from your children since YOU couldn't because you were an hour and a half late for work! I am girlfriend material not a potential maid. Hmph. There is so much more to this story but I need to let it go for now. It's making me slip into old habits I don't like so much. I just have to remember that there are clean pajamas, pain medication, Pepsi, vegetable soup, a stuffed ghost to snuggle, and lots of television waiting for me at home.
It's not the same as wrapping myself around a hairy (as in his chest and back, certainly not his head), good-smelling dude with a beer belly and watching cartoons and goofing off. That's tops...when everyone is in a good mood and hasn't drank ten times their weight in beer (30+ cans built into a Beer-a-mid on your kitchen table). But maybe I need a break from that to sort of send of a flare in his head (yes, we've digressed to talking about HIM). Do you want me!? Do you REALLY!? Are you missing me when I'm not there!? Are you sober when you're missing me!? The more I've been sleeping at home, the more I've come to the conclusion that his bed isn't as comfortable as I thought.
I might be lying. But don't tell my bed that. It's been good to me.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Gotta get serious. Gotta cram.
Life has been overly serious recently. Way too up and down for my taste. I find myself having to prove myself everywhere I go and that's just not my style. I am who/what I am, take it or leave it. I really don't like having to defend myself or make people understand where I'm coming from. Especially to people who have NO IDEA what my life or job are like, people who I don't exactly respect that much anymore. It's hard to bust ass for and be enthusiastic about people who aren't holding in high regard these days. I guess I just have to suck it up for now until I figure out what the smart thing to do with be.
A lot of this has to do with my career path, to be honest. My parents made the very generous offer to help me go back to school...even to grad school if that's what I wanted. I could rpobably go to Cosmetology school...whatever will make me happy. I think I'm a different person now than when I was an undergraduate. I have more of a drive and more ambition and just more of a general desire to learn and do well and be more. At this moment in time, I have nothing to prove to anyone where school is concerned. I would only have to prove something to msyelf. That I could get those kick ass grades, graduate with honors, get through it without losing my marbles. It's a lot to think about. Lots of decisions have to be made and I'll need a lot of support and back-up. Bill promised to do strip flashcards with me which was pretty sweet in a perverted way.
And while on this work and school rollercoaster, I've taken a detour regarding my relationship. My man has been hard to handle recently. Up and down. Up and down. And that gets to me. He is the one that can hurt me worse than anyone else. Finally I stuck up for myself and for one whole hour, I unloaded on him. Told him EVERYTHING I had to say about how I am treated. I am WORTH being nice to. I am WORTH keeping around. I am NOT going to be walked all over. I did this for a whole hour and put his listening skills to the test yesterday when we mixed an evening out with alcohol.
Everything was nice and friendly and kissy and what not and then it hit that peak where I said or did SOMETHING to rub him the wrong way. Instead of begging him to be nice or asking him what was wrong, I got quiet. Still enjoyed my evening, still talked to him but didn't lavish him in attention. That must have bigged him because then a lightbulb went off telling him that he was being a dork. He apologized and our night ended up being a nice night out. I let him vent on the drive home about anything he needs to. I said I needed someone to lean on and wanted to prove that he has that in me. If the night ends watching cartoons and drafting in the bed, I consider it a success.
I've been a bum today. Lots of sleeping and Netflix and that's A-OK for me. I haven't been in the best physical or mental shape recently and I haven't had much support (except for Phoebe...she's been the bomb...DA BOMB). Spending this day snoozing and resting and only doing what I wanted to and not having too much to worry about (things are good with Bill, I'm in a good place regarding work bullshit because I can only do what I can do, I refuse to LIVE my job, I've started to straighten up the joint in preparation to be livin' single) has been a nice change. And I get to have fondue with Phoebe tomorrow! It's nice to have a treat to look forward to.
Encough of this. My bed misses me and wants me to stop raving.
A lot of this has to do with my career path, to be honest. My parents made the very generous offer to help me go back to school...even to grad school if that's what I wanted. I could rpobably go to Cosmetology school...whatever will make me happy. I think I'm a different person now than when I was an undergraduate. I have more of a drive and more ambition and just more of a general desire to learn and do well and be more. At this moment in time, I have nothing to prove to anyone where school is concerned. I would only have to prove something to msyelf. That I could get those kick ass grades, graduate with honors, get through it without losing my marbles. It's a lot to think about. Lots of decisions have to be made and I'll need a lot of support and back-up. Bill promised to do strip flashcards with me which was pretty sweet in a perverted way.
And while on this work and school rollercoaster, I've taken a detour regarding my relationship. My man has been hard to handle recently. Up and down. Up and down. And that gets to me. He is the one that can hurt me worse than anyone else. Finally I stuck up for myself and for one whole hour, I unloaded on him. Told him EVERYTHING I had to say about how I am treated. I am WORTH being nice to. I am WORTH keeping around. I am NOT going to be walked all over. I did this for a whole hour and put his listening skills to the test yesterday when we mixed an evening out with alcohol.
Everything was nice and friendly and kissy and what not and then it hit that peak where I said or did SOMETHING to rub him the wrong way. Instead of begging him to be nice or asking him what was wrong, I got quiet. Still enjoyed my evening, still talked to him but didn't lavish him in attention. That must have bigged him because then a lightbulb went off telling him that he was being a dork. He apologized and our night ended up being a nice night out. I let him vent on the drive home about anything he needs to. I said I needed someone to lean on and wanted to prove that he has that in me. If the night ends watching cartoons and drafting in the bed, I consider it a success.
I've been a bum today. Lots of sleeping and Netflix and that's A-OK for me. I haven't been in the best physical or mental shape recently and I haven't had much support (except for Phoebe...she's been the bomb...DA BOMB). Spending this day snoozing and resting and only doing what I wanted to and not having too much to worry about (things are good with Bill, I'm in a good place regarding work bullshit because I can only do what I can do, I refuse to LIVE my job, I've started to straighten up the joint in preparation to be livin' single) has been a nice change. And I get to have fondue with Phoebe tomorrow! It's nice to have a treat to look forward to.
Encough of this. My bed misses me and wants me to stop raving.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
But nothing can change the way I feel today.
EMO ALERT! Put up your trendy umbrellas so you don't ruin that dramatic emo haircut of yours because there is a little, black, bastard of a rain cloud bugging the sweet bejesus out of me. Yes, ladies and germs, I am in a bear of a mood yet again! Weeeeee! I've been using the good old "I've got allergies" or "There's something in my eye" excuse all the live long day but that doesn't explain why I have lips like Angelina Jolie and I'm all red and blotchy. I wish I could just throw up on someone. Preferably a small child or a member of the elderly population. That would perk me up, no doubt. Though I did throw up on a tree in my back yard this week and that pretty much added to my depression.
Yes, I'm riding the "d" train and I'm buying stock in tissues.
I really don't feel like going in to all the bloody, gutty, nasty, slimy, gorey, stanky details. Because overall, I had a Helluva weekend with a pretty gnarly Pussyfoot show at the Wakeman airport and some camping with my fella in Sandusky (the baked potatos were hard as bricks but the corn-on-the-cob was da bomb, as the kids like to say). We even had a pretty k-rad bonfire on Sunday night...80% k-rad and 20% suck-ass. It had such potential to be a bonafide rocker of a weekend, and I'm not saying it was all based on the late-night brawl. There were all kinds of elements adding to my fury. I spent my Monday vacation from work in my bed on Vicodin, watching Project Runway season 2 and loathing all.
I'm feeling all lonely again and it's lonliness that I find to be the most rotten annoyance in my life. And once again, this is NOT just based on the man in my life. I'm all kinds of lonely. And I feel like nothing I do is good enough for ANYONE. There must be something going around at my house because Jen caught this moody, self-pitying bug and now I have it. I don't say the right things. I don't do the right things. I can't make anyone happy. I'm not worth being around or being included. I don't deserve to be nice to. I don't try hard enough. I can't pull anything off. There's so many more "I don't" or "I can't" that I could boo-hoo and wah-wah about but I really don't want to relive this days from now when I'm (hopefully) all smiles and laughs again.
But for now...pass the Kleenex please.
Yes, I'm riding the "d" train and I'm buying stock in tissues.
I really don't feel like going in to all the bloody, gutty, nasty, slimy, gorey, stanky details. Because overall, I had a Helluva weekend with a pretty gnarly Pussyfoot show at the Wakeman airport and some camping with my fella in Sandusky (the baked potatos were hard as bricks but the corn-on-the-cob was da bomb, as the kids like to say). We even had a pretty k-rad bonfire on Sunday night...80% k-rad and 20% suck-ass. It had such potential to be a bonafide rocker of a weekend, and I'm not saying it was all based on the late-night brawl. There were all kinds of elements adding to my fury. I spent my Monday vacation from work in my bed on Vicodin, watching Project Runway season 2 and loathing all.
I'm feeling all lonely again and it's lonliness that I find to be the most rotten annoyance in my life. And once again, this is NOT just based on the man in my life. I'm all kinds of lonely. And I feel like nothing I do is good enough for ANYONE. There must be something going around at my house because Jen caught this moody, self-pitying bug and now I have it. I don't say the right things. I don't do the right things. I can't make anyone happy. I'm not worth being around or being included. I don't deserve to be nice to. I don't try hard enough. I can't pull anything off. There's so many more "I don't" or "I can't" that I could boo-hoo and wah-wah about but I really don't want to relive this days from now when I'm (hopefully) all smiles and laughs again.
But for now...pass the Kleenex please.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
We gonna play until you feel happy so come on.
I am a mother to a brand new baby grill. We named her Shannon Sheppard.
I haven't been bl-l-l-l-l-logging since there's not too much to report. I've pretty much been a working, drinking, sleeping bum. And I'm cool with that. But I live to entertain you and I feel I'm letting you down. I'll step up to the plate and serve it up once my life holds more than drinking beer, watching Project Runway, and goofy bullshit activities with Bill (like buying adorable little grills and naming them Shannon).
Man, I've been quite the little pervert at work today. Shame on me.
If you're bored on Saturday or just looking for something out of the norm to do (cause poking your crippled Grandma with various sharp objects is getting old and cruel), why not come see The Pussyfoot Girls at the Rockin' Rod Rumble at Wakeman Airport? There will be bands...Slack Jawed Yokels, Devilbillys, and more...hot cars and hot chicks! Not just with us shakin' our tail feathers in your grandpa's face. There's gonna be a pin-up girl contest as well!!! Smack my ass and call me mommy, this is going to be a good time. Possibly because I MAY or may NOT be dressed up as a rat. You'll just have to come out and see.
Clocking in from 9 to 5.
At the bar from 5 to 9.
Go home, watch TV 'til you're blinded.
3 good ways to waste your mind.
And you don't mind it.
I haven't been bl-l-l-l-l-logging since there's not too much to report. I've pretty much been a working, drinking, sleeping bum. And I'm cool with that. But I live to entertain you and I feel I'm letting you down. I'll step up to the plate and serve it up once my life holds more than drinking beer, watching Project Runway, and goofy bullshit activities with Bill (like buying adorable little grills and naming them Shannon).
Man, I've been quite the little pervert at work today. Shame on me.
If you're bored on Saturday or just looking for something out of the norm to do (cause poking your crippled Grandma with various sharp objects is getting old and cruel), why not come see The Pussyfoot Girls at the Rockin' Rod Rumble at Wakeman Airport? There will be bands...Slack Jawed Yokels, Devilbillys, and more...hot cars and hot chicks! Not just with us shakin' our tail feathers in your grandpa's face. There's gonna be a pin-up girl contest as well!!! Smack my ass and call me mommy, this is going to be a good time. Possibly because I MAY or may NOT be dressed up as a rat. You'll just have to come out and see.
Clocking in from 9 to 5.
At the bar from 5 to 9.
Go home, watch TV 'til you're blinded.
3 good ways to waste your mind.
And you don't mind it.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Get a check on Friday but it's already spent.
Got my bill from the big, bad, Athsma emergency room visit. Not pretty. Pretty effed.
Started off the long weekend right (and right in the middle of the week, mind you) with a Wednesday night of beer swillin', clothes warshin', and Project Runwayin' (hit the road, Angela, like you should have WEEKS ago with your pooooofy skirts and "flurshonds"). I could have used more sleep. I could have done without getting a visit from My Girl Flo in the morning...at least it signifies no visit from the stork!
Followed that up last night with my first trip to Browns Stadium. Sure they lost but a guy threw up on the field and some little kids played at half time and I got to see them fall down and become injured. Pretty sweet is the pain of small athlectic children. It was fun for my first game, regardless of knowing nothing about football. Bill invited my nephew and his girlfriend along and we all traded injury and surgical stories on the ride home. It was mildly graphic and highly hysterical.
Tonight I have a hot and fancy date to go on a rush hour booze cruise type deal around downtown with my fella. But it's looking pretty grim and grey in these Cleveland skies. And it's COLD! Brrrrrr! I'm wondering if the two of us will trade drinking icy cold beers on a boat on the river in the rain and windy weather for wrapping ourselves in blankets and hoodies and vegging, catching up on much needed sleep and "drafting". Beers won't seem as cold in that location! But we have been looking forward to this so maybe we'll be daredevils. We'll see what card Mother Nature deals us later.
Saturday is a veg day. Bill has his kids so I'm on my own. I'll be sleeping, watching my new Project Runway box sets, doing laundry, cleaning my room, maybe havign lunch with Phoebe, and hanging with Carol (FINALLY! I'm going through withdrawl...see the shakes?!?) at night. Maybe a movie. Maybe food. Maybe a bar. Maybe...Saturday will kick some major ass! Actually, I can guarantee that. No maybe.
And then we have Sunday and Monday. Possibly there will be some camping! Realistically, it will end up being me and Bill in his yard having a fire, cooking out, watching the race, drinking beers, and chilling out. It's all a matter of location...home or abroad. I'll be happy with either. I'll be slap happy not to be at work!!! Weeeeeeee! So he's planned a pretty kickin' few days for us. Not sure if he's still kissing ass or just enjoying my rockin' company. It's good stuff though. Good stuff.
Enjoy your Labor Day, y'all!
Started off the long weekend right (and right in the middle of the week, mind you) with a Wednesday night of beer swillin', clothes warshin', and Project Runwayin' (hit the road, Angela, like you should have WEEKS ago with your pooooofy skirts and "flurshonds"). I could have used more sleep. I could have done without getting a visit from My Girl Flo in the morning...at least it signifies no visit from the stork!
Followed that up last night with my first trip to Browns Stadium. Sure they lost but a guy threw up on the field and some little kids played at half time and I got to see them fall down and become injured. Pretty sweet is the pain of small athlectic children. It was fun for my first game, regardless of knowing nothing about football. Bill invited my nephew and his girlfriend along and we all traded injury and surgical stories on the ride home. It was mildly graphic and highly hysterical.
Tonight I have a hot and fancy date to go on a rush hour booze cruise type deal around downtown with my fella. But it's looking pretty grim and grey in these Cleveland skies. And it's COLD! Brrrrrr! I'm wondering if the two of us will trade drinking icy cold beers on a boat on the river in the rain and windy weather for wrapping ourselves in blankets and hoodies and vegging, catching up on much needed sleep and "drafting". Beers won't seem as cold in that location! But we have been looking forward to this so maybe we'll be daredevils. We'll see what card Mother Nature deals us later.
Saturday is a veg day. Bill has his kids so I'm on my own. I'll be sleeping, watching my new Project Runway box sets, doing laundry, cleaning my room, maybe havign lunch with Phoebe, and hanging with Carol (FINALLY! I'm going through withdrawl...see the shakes?!?) at night. Maybe a movie. Maybe food. Maybe a bar. Maybe...Saturday will kick some major ass! Actually, I can guarantee that. No maybe.
And then we have Sunday and Monday. Possibly there will be some camping! Realistically, it will end up being me and Bill in his yard having a fire, cooking out, watching the race, drinking beers, and chilling out. It's all a matter of location...home or abroad. I'll be happy with either. I'll be slap happy not to be at work!!! Weeeeeeee! So he's planned a pretty kickin' few days for us. Not sure if he's still kissing ass or just enjoying my rockin' company. It's good stuff though. Good stuff.
Enjoy your Labor Day, y'all!
Sunday, August 27, 2006
You really think you're in control?
IT'S FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE
1. Phoebe quit her job at Shamrock. Gave a few weeks notice. No one seemed to mind too much besides me. Lots of stress is now resting on my shoulders. It went from a 4 man operation to one...me. I am the operation. I am my deparment. Taking the rest of my vacation days this week or in two weeks just to enjoy myself before I become "the boss". Good luck with your new gig, Phoebe.
2. Car got detailed. I don't think people you're paying $125 to do a specific job should blatantly make fun or you, your car, and your lifestyle choices to your face. Despite the great job they did on making all the sludge in my car disappear, I wouldn't recommend them to anyone. They were strangers, not friends, so how dare they tell me what to do with my possessions or how to live my life? Fuck 'em.
3. Curled up in my bed after work. Watched "She's the Man" which arrived from Netflix and crashed, hardcore. I decided today that I think I'm depressed or at least getting into that rut of "having the blues". Not feeling like myself and certainly not liking it. Woke up to a late night phone call which had me driving Betty Blue to Garfield for the last time. I needed to draft and be drafter but I'm not even sure it helped that much. It helped to find out I'm getting a FAT raise, regardless of not getting a replacement for Phoebe. When I say FAT, I mean PH-PH-PHAT! I love money. I'm American.
SATURDAY IS ALRIGHT FOR FIGHTING
1. Remember when I said the future was a Honda CRV? I lied. It's a black Toyota Rav4 and it's hot. Since it's big and black, I thought about naming it Earl after my big, black friend. But is that offensive? The Early Mobile has a nice ring to it. Early is the character I like on Squidbillies, too, so it COULD have a double meaning...but won't. Anyway, I love my car and would love to take y'all in a ride for it. But no smoking! And no mucky feet! And no puking into plastic bags! And for CRYING OUT LOUD, no spilling!!!
2. Got all gussied up and took my new wheels on out to Strongsville to be little Benny's date to his mom's wedding. I was there over an hour before he was (I guess I was poorly informed of the time) so I left for a while. Ended up with heart burn, a bad attitude and an emergency (see SATURDAY #3) so I never made it back to the reception. I'm sure he's mad but the whole point of my going was to be the designated driver but he drove his OWN TRUCK. How was that going to work? I didn't need to be there other than to be a show piece. A tall drink of water, if you will. So I didn't go back.
3. When a friend doesn't show up for a particular event, doesn't call anybody, doesn't come to pick someone up when she's supposed to, her garage is wide open, her car doors are unlocked, her dead bolt which is NEVER locked IS, her dog is inside, and her son is supposed to be picked up at 11:00p, you assume she's inside and you assume bad things. She must have received about 50 phone calls from concerned parties not to mention me and Bill banging on her door, honking horns, and trying to bust windows with the help of neighbors. When a person is 5 hours late to pick you up for a party and doesn't answer the cell phone, you panic. You call a locksmith. You worry that she's hurt inside. And in the end, when she IS inside but won't let any of the concerned parties in to see her, well, it doesn't all add up.
So my Saturday ended up with no wedding reception, no co-worker party, no beer during the race and no bonfire. Sure, I did get a new car AND won the NASCAR pool (GO KENSETH!!!) but overall, Saturday was as much of a wash as Friday.
SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY
1. Wanted to show my mom the new ride and was invited to tea with my sisters and nieces. Guess they had this whole day planned for quite awhile and I probably wouldn't have been invited if I had called when I did. Maybe it's because I don't have kids and it was like an end of summer/back to school thing. But I'll probably never have kids so will I always be left out of things? It sort of just rubs in my face the fact that I don't have a family. Sure, I have "a family", but when my parents are gone and my sisters have their husbands and kids and "families", I'll most likely just be me. When I was married even, Ezra said we wouldn't be a family until we had kids. I didn't even have a shot to have a family of my own.
2. I felt kind of stupid for being there today. I was pretty quiet. I hope I didn't come across as rude. I just really felt awkward. Other things happened besides the last minute invite thing to dampen my mood but I'll probably just keep those to myself. Let's just say I felt slightly ashamed and embarrassed and the worst part is, I wasn't even surprized about it. I'm actually starting to believe that I really can't do anything right. I got a raise and a slight (if somewhat by default) promotion this weekend and I feel more like a failure than ever.
3. Bill is out and about with his Dad doing God knows what. I'm here at home feeling lousy. He said he'll call when he's done. I don't know if I'm sleeping here or there or what's going. Such is life living out of an overnight bag. Part of me seriously wants to go to bed right now and call it a day because I know my quiet disposition and thoughfulness and "blues" will just be aggravating because I can't explain it all without sounding pathetic or like a broken record. I don't want anything I'm feeling bad about to be related to Bill in any way. But if I stay here, I don't stay with him and then I could end up feeling just as horrible...am I not going because I REALLY feel THIS bad or am I not going just to make myself feel worse? I've never actually chosen to NOT stay there. I think no matter where I am sleeping today, I'll probably cry.
MONDAY, MONDAY
1. I hope...
2. ...that I...
3. ...can survive.
1. Phoebe quit her job at Shamrock. Gave a few weeks notice. No one seemed to mind too much besides me. Lots of stress is now resting on my shoulders. It went from a 4 man operation to one...me. I am the operation. I am my deparment. Taking the rest of my vacation days this week or in two weeks just to enjoy myself before I become "the boss". Good luck with your new gig, Phoebe.
2. Car got detailed. I don't think people you're paying $125 to do a specific job should blatantly make fun or you, your car, and your lifestyle choices to your face. Despite the great job they did on making all the sludge in my car disappear, I wouldn't recommend them to anyone. They were strangers, not friends, so how dare they tell me what to do with my possessions or how to live my life? Fuck 'em.
3. Curled up in my bed after work. Watched "She's the Man" which arrived from Netflix and crashed, hardcore. I decided today that I think I'm depressed or at least getting into that rut of "having the blues". Not feeling like myself and certainly not liking it. Woke up to a late night phone call which had me driving Betty Blue to Garfield for the last time. I needed to draft and be drafter but I'm not even sure it helped that much. It helped to find out I'm getting a FAT raise, regardless of not getting a replacement for Phoebe. When I say FAT, I mean PH-PH-PHAT! I love money. I'm American.
SATURDAY IS ALRIGHT FOR FIGHTING
1. Remember when I said the future was a Honda CRV? I lied. It's a black Toyota Rav4 and it's hot. Since it's big and black, I thought about naming it Earl after my big, black friend. But is that offensive? The Early Mobile has a nice ring to it. Early is the character I like on Squidbillies, too, so it COULD have a double meaning...but won't. Anyway, I love my car and would love to take y'all in a ride for it. But no smoking! And no mucky feet! And no puking into plastic bags! And for CRYING OUT LOUD, no spilling!!!
2. Got all gussied up and took my new wheels on out to Strongsville to be little Benny's date to his mom's wedding. I was there over an hour before he was (I guess I was poorly informed of the time) so I left for a while. Ended up with heart burn, a bad attitude and an emergency (see SATURDAY #3) so I never made it back to the reception. I'm sure he's mad but the whole point of my going was to be the designated driver but he drove his OWN TRUCK. How was that going to work? I didn't need to be there other than to be a show piece. A tall drink of water, if you will. So I didn't go back.
3. When a friend doesn't show up for a particular event, doesn't call anybody, doesn't come to pick someone up when she's supposed to, her garage is wide open, her car doors are unlocked, her dead bolt which is NEVER locked IS, her dog is inside, and her son is supposed to be picked up at 11:00p, you assume she's inside and you assume bad things. She must have received about 50 phone calls from concerned parties not to mention me and Bill banging on her door, honking horns, and trying to bust windows with the help of neighbors. When a person is 5 hours late to pick you up for a party and doesn't answer the cell phone, you panic. You call a locksmith. You worry that she's hurt inside. And in the end, when she IS inside but won't let any of the concerned parties in to see her, well, it doesn't all add up.
So my Saturday ended up with no wedding reception, no co-worker party, no beer during the race and no bonfire. Sure, I did get a new car AND won the NASCAR pool (GO KENSETH!!!) but overall, Saturday was as much of a wash as Friday.
SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY
1. Wanted to show my mom the new ride and was invited to tea with my sisters and nieces. Guess they had this whole day planned for quite awhile and I probably wouldn't have been invited if I had called when I did. Maybe it's because I don't have kids and it was like an end of summer/back to school thing. But I'll probably never have kids so will I always be left out of things? It sort of just rubs in my face the fact that I don't have a family. Sure, I have "a family", but when my parents are gone and my sisters have their husbands and kids and "families", I'll most likely just be me. When I was married even, Ezra said we wouldn't be a family until we had kids. I didn't even have a shot to have a family of my own.
2. I felt kind of stupid for being there today. I was pretty quiet. I hope I didn't come across as rude. I just really felt awkward. Other things happened besides the last minute invite thing to dampen my mood but I'll probably just keep those to myself. Let's just say I felt slightly ashamed and embarrassed and the worst part is, I wasn't even surprized about it. I'm actually starting to believe that I really can't do anything right. I got a raise and a slight (if somewhat by default) promotion this weekend and I feel more like a failure than ever.
3. Bill is out and about with his Dad doing God knows what. I'm here at home feeling lousy. He said he'll call when he's done. I don't know if I'm sleeping here or there or what's going. Such is life living out of an overnight bag. Part of me seriously wants to go to bed right now and call it a day because I know my quiet disposition and thoughfulness and "blues" will just be aggravating because I can't explain it all without sounding pathetic or like a broken record. I don't want anything I'm feeling bad about to be related to Bill in any way. But if I stay here, I don't stay with him and then I could end up feeling just as horrible...am I not going because I REALLY feel THIS bad or am I not going just to make myself feel worse? I've never actually chosen to NOT stay there. I think no matter where I am sleeping today, I'll probably cry.
MONDAY, MONDAY
1. I hope...
2. ...that I...
3. ...can survive.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Any other car, you'd just be wastin' your time.
I've had 3 stickers in my work cubicle that I bought at Heavy Rebel 2005 that have been just waiting to get on the back window of a new car. Well, 2 out of 3 (I'm sort of over my "True Necromance" sticker) are going to finally have a home!
I'm going to be roll roll rollin' in style as of this Saturday! It's sad that little Betty Blue Corolla is going to the car graveyard because we've had a good run. Lots of memories were made in the car...none of the X-rated variety, perverts. I wish I could count how many times Johnny passed out in it after nights out in Kent. Or how many times I tossed my cookies into plastic bags. Or how many songs I've sang at the top of my tone-deaf lungs. But sadly, I can't. That car took me through my relationship with a musician and therefore all over the United States. It took me through my happy marriage and bitter divorce. It's seem many friends come and go. It's been beat up and it's been loved. It was a good car but it's slowly dying. It's time to let go of the past and move on to the future.
And the future is a Honda CRV.
I asked Phoebe's help in naming the new ride with the strict instructions that it could not be named after a dead rabbit in a box that was transported over the Rockies. Or a cremated rabbit in a tin can. Naming a car is important. I remember when my old pal MVO and I named our cars Ruby 626 and Teal Tercel. She had a CRV. A black one and it was such a damn cool car. Sure, I don't have to pull horse trailer or cart hay around but I'm sure I can fill it up full of junk. I'm good at that. My current mode of transportation smells like there's a dead body hiding in it somewhere. And there very well could be. Good thing it's getting detailed tomorrow. Regardless, it's going to take me the rest of my life to pay this sucker off but in a way, that's fulfilling. It's going to be mine. And I'm going to love it.
Suggestions for car names are welcome.
Johnny already asked to borrow it for his next hot date. I said no because he called the "The CLR". He thinks the 1996 Nissan Altima will be more of a chick magnet any way. We may have to put some money on this. I like to gamble.
Outside of my orgasmic automobile excitement, I have a secret date next Friday. I'm not good with surprizes as it drives me nuts not knowing what's in store for me! But it IS cute that my fella has something planned for us. I have to leave work a little early and wear something specific, though I don't know what that is yet. Whatever it is that we're doing, it's taking place downtown and it is NOT a football game. Hmmmm. I'm pretty open to whatever...I like having future plans with Bill. Future plans are reassuring.
And for any one who cares, we had a lengthy chat on Monday where everything regarding his bad behavior was explained to me, I was apologized to (not just in an "I'm sorry" fashion but WHY he is sorry), and reassured that we are starting fresh. He even reintroduced himself to me. We've spent a few nights apart and I feel better. He knows this is his last shot to treat me how I deserve to be and that he's getting a spiked heel up the rear and out the door if he fails. So...it's still on, this thing we're doing. We're in the running for 6 months.
Phoebe just said the words/terms 'engorged', 'soft tissue', "wriggling your fingers', 'stimulation', 'vibrator', and 'the clitoris reemerges from under the hood'. What a perv. We are TOTALLY at work right now. Sweet.
I'm going to be roll roll rollin' in style as of this Saturday! It's sad that little Betty Blue Corolla is going to the car graveyard because we've had a good run. Lots of memories were made in the car...none of the X-rated variety, perverts. I wish I could count how many times Johnny passed out in it after nights out in Kent. Or how many times I tossed my cookies into plastic bags. Or how many songs I've sang at the top of my tone-deaf lungs. But sadly, I can't. That car took me through my relationship with a musician and therefore all over the United States. It took me through my happy marriage and bitter divorce. It's seem many friends come and go. It's been beat up and it's been loved. It was a good car but it's slowly dying. It's time to let go of the past and move on to the future.
And the future is a Honda CRV.
I asked Phoebe's help in naming the new ride with the strict instructions that it could not be named after a dead rabbit in a box that was transported over the Rockies. Or a cremated rabbit in a tin can. Naming a car is important. I remember when my old pal MVO and I named our cars Ruby 626 and Teal Tercel. She had a CRV. A black one and it was such a damn cool car. Sure, I don't have to pull horse trailer or cart hay around but I'm sure I can fill it up full of junk. I'm good at that. My current mode of transportation smells like there's a dead body hiding in it somewhere. And there very well could be. Good thing it's getting detailed tomorrow. Regardless, it's going to take me the rest of my life to pay this sucker off but in a way, that's fulfilling. It's going to be mine. And I'm going to love it.
Suggestions for car names are welcome.
Johnny already asked to borrow it for his next hot date. I said no because he called the "The CLR". He thinks the 1996 Nissan Altima will be more of a chick magnet any way. We may have to put some money on this. I like to gamble.
Outside of my orgasmic automobile excitement, I have a secret date next Friday. I'm not good with surprizes as it drives me nuts not knowing what's in store for me! But it IS cute that my fella has something planned for us. I have to leave work a little early and wear something specific, though I don't know what that is yet. Whatever it is that we're doing, it's taking place downtown and it is NOT a football game. Hmmmm. I'm pretty open to whatever...I like having future plans with Bill. Future plans are reassuring.
And for any one who cares, we had a lengthy chat on Monday where everything regarding his bad behavior was explained to me, I was apologized to (not just in an "I'm sorry" fashion but WHY he is sorry), and reassured that we are starting fresh. He even reintroduced himself to me. We've spent a few nights apart and I feel better. He knows this is his last shot to treat me how I deserve to be and that he's getting a spiked heel up the rear and out the door if he fails. So...it's still on, this thing we're doing. We're in the running for 6 months.
Phoebe just said the words/terms 'engorged', 'soft tissue', "wriggling your fingers', 'stimulation', 'vibrator', and 'the clitoris reemerges from under the hood'. What a perv. We are TOTALLY at work right now. Sweet.
Monday, August 21, 2006
You knew you had yourself a ball.
Today is my first day of bringing my lunch to work. I'm doing it to save money and in all actuality, the sandwich I made and chips I packed taste better than anything I could have picked up from a drive-through. Corners need to be cut and I'm doing my best to cut them. Got a few bills paid off (in full!) and hopefully by tomorrow night, I'll be pretty much caught up and we won't have to worry about sitting around in the dark or taking cold showers. Have I mentioned how much I HATE being an adult?
So I didn't take an extra vacation day today as you may have noticed. I knew I would just be way too behind if I did. I returned to a mountain of paperwork and a bazillion copies to make and things to do. I don't blame Phoebe. I'm sure she was up to her eyesockets in work and made it as easy for me as possible to transition back into the swing of things. I won't lie, I miss my bed and my sleeping aides and my television. But I didn't spend all of my down time snoozing. I met up with Bill Friday night (with hesitations) and we went to watch the football game at his sisters house. I was still tired, a little shaky, and a bit wary. I was sizing him up the whole evening. Evaluating his behavior. He even looked at me once and said, "I really have to kiss ass, don't I?". I'm not holding things over his head or guilt tripping him. I'm just trying to figure out what's best for ME for a change because I like me and think I deserve good things. Like season 6 of Gilmore Girls and a boy who doesn't fight with me in public. Is that too much to ask??
Saturday was semi-productive! Sure, I slept until 2:00p (everyone should do that from time to time) but then I stocked my fridge and cupboards, made homemade cheese potato soup, straightened up my digs, watched movies and drank Bloody Marys with the roomies. I couldn't sleep so well and was combing the internet until about 5:00a but it was suggested that I was squirrely because I wasn't sleeping next to my fella. He suggested it. He is soooo buttering me up but I'm still watching him like a hawk. So that was Saturday. Not an award winner but still pretty fulfilling.
And yesterday...well, Sundays are always dull since Becky moved. I watched multiple episodes of My Super Sweet 16 with Tom...he was a little over anxious to be watching it. I'm thinking he wants to be a wealthy 16 year old girl. I folded clothes, ate ice cream, and vegged. Finally took a shower. Ended up at Bill's for some shut eye. He knows I'm still mad but I think he appreciates that I haven't completely written him off. I think he MIGHT finally get the fact that you can't take advantage of the people who care about you. You should instead count yourslef lucky and try to give back what you get. I think he MIGHT be starting to see how lucky he is. I love that guy, it's true. But I can't do all the work. I shouldn't have to. We're supposed to "have a chat" later. I'm going to say everything I should have been saying all along. And hopefully he'll be listening.
Today, my calendar sayd "Stay awat from any man who shaves his legs on a regualr basis". Keep that in mind, ladies!
So I didn't take an extra vacation day today as you may have noticed. I knew I would just be way too behind if I did. I returned to a mountain of paperwork and a bazillion copies to make and things to do. I don't blame Phoebe. I'm sure she was up to her eyesockets in work and made it as easy for me as possible to transition back into the swing of things. I won't lie, I miss my bed and my sleeping aides and my television. But I didn't spend all of my down time snoozing. I met up with Bill Friday night (with hesitations) and we went to watch the football game at his sisters house. I was still tired, a little shaky, and a bit wary. I was sizing him up the whole evening. Evaluating his behavior. He even looked at me once and said, "I really have to kiss ass, don't I?". I'm not holding things over his head or guilt tripping him. I'm just trying to figure out what's best for ME for a change because I like me and think I deserve good things. Like season 6 of Gilmore Girls and a boy who doesn't fight with me in public. Is that too much to ask??
Saturday was semi-productive! Sure, I slept until 2:00p (everyone should do that from time to time) but then I stocked my fridge and cupboards, made homemade cheese potato soup, straightened up my digs, watched movies and drank Bloody Marys with the roomies. I couldn't sleep so well and was combing the internet until about 5:00a but it was suggested that I was squirrely because I wasn't sleeping next to my fella. He suggested it. He is soooo buttering me up but I'm still watching him like a hawk. So that was Saturday. Not an award winner but still pretty fulfilling.
And yesterday...well, Sundays are always dull since Becky moved. I watched multiple episodes of My Super Sweet 16 with Tom...he was a little over anxious to be watching it. I'm thinking he wants to be a wealthy 16 year old girl. I folded clothes, ate ice cream, and vegged. Finally took a shower. Ended up at Bill's for some shut eye. He knows I'm still mad but I think he appreciates that I haven't completely written him off. I think he MIGHT finally get the fact that you can't take advantage of the people who care about you. You should instead count yourslef lucky and try to give back what you get. I think he MIGHT be starting to see how lucky he is. I love that guy, it's true. But I can't do all the work. I shouldn't have to. We're supposed to "have a chat" later. I'm going to say everything I should have been saying all along. And hopefully he'll be listening.
Today, my calendar sayd "Stay awat from any man who shaves his legs on a regualr basis". Keep that in mind, ladies!
Friday, August 18, 2006
Scars only show when someone talks to you.
If these thoughts are random, forgive me. I've pretty much been sleeping for 30hours straight, only getting up to refill my cranberry juice glass and answer the multitudes of text messages I've recieved. I was off work yesterday and off again today and believe me, these days couldn't come soon enough. Let me explain WHY I needed this mini-vacation sleep-a-thon so badly.
First off, I'm currently up to my eyeballs in debt. Jen hasn't had a job steady enough to start paying me rent and Tommy hasn't totally moved in yet so I can't expect him to shell out cash when he doesn't QUITE live here. So the hole Phoebe left financially hasn't been filled yet and I didn't squirrle away any nuts for winter. I'll be honest. I'm behind in the bills which makes me feel like a failure. And asking my best friend for a loan makes me feel like a toad. She said yes because all people need a little help sometimes but my tail is placed prominantly between my legs at the current time.
Secondly, there's the big fight with my fella that took place in front of LOTS of our employees Wednesday night. He thinks he heard someone say somethign that wasn't true about me and a friend of his and would NOT believe my side of the story. I was BEGGING him to listen and he had no interest. He was cold and cruel and I was heartbroken. His guys took me over to his house because they were on MY SIDE. They wanted things straightened out. He let me in the house but didn't really let me talk. For the record, what he accussed me off, I didn't do. Simple as that. I did, however, throw his cell phone out the door which made him explode like a volcano (it was HIS idea for me to do it). But I found the pieces and put it back together and it works. But then...
...I stopped working. I had a horrible Athsma attack that was brought on by panic. After coming to the conclusion that I wasn't going to breathe on my own, I emerged from the bathroom to find that he had locked up the house and gone to bed. Phoebe was my savior. She came and rescued me, took me to the hospital where I got an IV and an aerosol treatment (they wanted to give me 2...NO WAY!) and then I busted free. I found my car keys in Bill's door waiting for me. I came home, got in to bed, and have been here ever since. But that is not where things between me and my marshmallow would end.
Third, he called at 6:22a yesterday, mere hours after I had been released from the emergency room. It must have hit him that he crossed the line this time. Embarrassed me...and himself...in front of co-workers. Yelled at me. Said horrible things to me. Treated me like I was a worthless nobody. I felt like I was reliving my college relationship. Groveling and begging and showing no signs of dignity or pride. Rumors has it his guys got on him at work for how he treated me. He should have been there with me, eventhough I didn't want him near me because I was in pain emotionaly and physically and held him responsible. But he was at home, sleeping like his life was just perfect.
He said that he called to see if I was alright. I said I wasn't and he said he wasn't either. For once, I just let him feel bad. I didn't worry about hanging up the phone without things resolved because my heart hurts. And it seems to be hurting a lot lately. The only thing he said that made me flinch a little was that he doesn't want to lose me. He said that he was an idiot and recognized how badly I was treated and for absolutly no reason. And I'm glad he knows that...but how many times can I have to patch things up? All I wanted was to go out with him and have fun. And when that went south, all I wanted was 2 minutes to explain how I feel about him an dthe lengths that I will (and do) go. He couldn't give me that either.
Today is 5 months of...whatever this is that we're doing. Anyone close to me knows that it's actually been going on much longer but 5 months is the marker from when we slapped the lable of "dating" on it. So it's 5 months today and I have no idea where we stand. He told me to take time to think, which I've been doing in between sleeping and watching episodes of American Dreams. I know what I want...I want him. I'd give up having kids, getting married again...for him. I know that. THAt is what I want. But is that the best thing to do? Probably not. But he is who I gave my heart to and I just wish he'd treat it a little better.
Sorry for rambling. I'm just in a sad and lonley place and need to vent.
First off, I'm currently up to my eyeballs in debt. Jen hasn't had a job steady enough to start paying me rent and Tommy hasn't totally moved in yet so I can't expect him to shell out cash when he doesn't QUITE live here. So the hole Phoebe left financially hasn't been filled yet and I didn't squirrle away any nuts for winter. I'll be honest. I'm behind in the bills which makes me feel like a failure. And asking my best friend for a loan makes me feel like a toad. She said yes because all people need a little help sometimes but my tail is placed prominantly between my legs at the current time.
Secondly, there's the big fight with my fella that took place in front of LOTS of our employees Wednesday night. He thinks he heard someone say somethign that wasn't true about me and a friend of his and would NOT believe my side of the story. I was BEGGING him to listen and he had no interest. He was cold and cruel and I was heartbroken. His guys took me over to his house because they were on MY SIDE. They wanted things straightened out. He let me in the house but didn't really let me talk. For the record, what he accussed me off, I didn't do. Simple as that. I did, however, throw his cell phone out the door which made him explode like a volcano (it was HIS idea for me to do it). But I found the pieces and put it back together and it works. But then...
...I stopped working. I had a horrible Athsma attack that was brought on by panic. After coming to the conclusion that I wasn't going to breathe on my own, I emerged from the bathroom to find that he had locked up the house and gone to bed. Phoebe was my savior. She came and rescued me, took me to the hospital where I got an IV and an aerosol treatment (they wanted to give me 2...NO WAY!) and then I busted free. I found my car keys in Bill's door waiting for me. I came home, got in to bed, and have been here ever since. But that is not where things between me and my marshmallow would end.
Third, he called at 6:22a yesterday, mere hours after I had been released from the emergency room. It must have hit him that he crossed the line this time. Embarrassed me...and himself...in front of co-workers. Yelled at me. Said horrible things to me. Treated me like I was a worthless nobody. I felt like I was reliving my college relationship. Groveling and begging and showing no signs of dignity or pride. Rumors has it his guys got on him at work for how he treated me. He should have been there with me, eventhough I didn't want him near me because I was in pain emotionaly and physically and held him responsible. But he was at home, sleeping like his life was just perfect.
He said that he called to see if I was alright. I said I wasn't and he said he wasn't either. For once, I just let him feel bad. I didn't worry about hanging up the phone without things resolved because my heart hurts. And it seems to be hurting a lot lately. The only thing he said that made me flinch a little was that he doesn't want to lose me. He said that he was an idiot and recognized how badly I was treated and for absolutly no reason. And I'm glad he knows that...but how many times can I have to patch things up? All I wanted was to go out with him and have fun. And when that went south, all I wanted was 2 minutes to explain how I feel about him an dthe lengths that I will (and do) go. He couldn't give me that either.
Today is 5 months of...whatever this is that we're doing. Anyone close to me knows that it's actually been going on much longer but 5 months is the marker from when we slapped the lable of "dating" on it. So it's 5 months today and I have no idea where we stand. He told me to take time to think, which I've been doing in between sleeping and watching episodes of American Dreams. I know what I want...I want him. I'd give up having kids, getting married again...for him. I know that. THAt is what I want. But is that the best thing to do? Probably not. But he is who I gave my heart to and I just wish he'd treat it a little better.
Sorry for rambling. I'm just in a sad and lonley place and need to vent.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
This medicine is killin' me!
Go ahead. Tear me a new one...that's what the kids are saying these days. I've been missing in action, and believe me, there's been action! Think I'm being saucy? Nah, I've just been busy. I hate going this long without filling your brains full of rubbish but it happens. So here's a healthy dose of my brand of genius that I will entitle "10 Things You Didn't Even Realize You Couldn't Live Without Knowing About My Life: Autobiographical". Enjoy suckers!
1. My back hurts. Big time. I've been enjoying a Vicodin and Pepsi cocktail 2 or 3 times a week recently. This is not good. I hate having to shut my brain off to numb the pain. But sadly, that's what I've been doing. But I was assured that there's a Baby Oil back rub in my future. I can dig that. I can't dig this pain though. Huey Lewis needs to write a song for me called "I Want a New Back"...cause it's true.
2. The 48 on Bill's garage door is done. I like it. I hate Jimmie Johnson though.
3. A majority of the week was spent planning and preparing for the Slumber Party Massacre in honor of Jen's birthday. Horror of 59 and Chesty Deathrattle performed. A hole had to be beaten into my attic door to free the thirsty kittens. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I want to cry when I see it now. Boo. But the party was a smashing success, regardless of whether or not I announce that there will be no more parties. I'm always bluffing. I like to party. I especially like drama free parties where everyone has a great time (including Bill) and I get to try and fall in lust with BLOODY MARYS!! And I LOVE parties where I don't have to clean up! Weeeeeeeeee.
4. Drinking Tequilla from the bottle is never a good idea though. It makes for a rough Sunday. One of those ones where I only left Bill's bed for a collective total of maybe 12 minutes tops. He cooked me chicken on the grill, let me eat his peas, and kept my Pepsi glass topped off. We slept the whole day away and once the room stopped spinning, I didn't mind being a lazy bum. Oh, there was nudity, too. *blush*
5. Yesterday was the PITS at work. PITS! Phoebe couldn't come in so I was up to my eyeballs in shit and you do not want shit that close to your eyeballs. It's not healthy. And according to my mother, you don't want to cry at work.
6. So go out and have a cocktail insetad! Or in my case, you have a Bloody Mary, 2 tall drafts, and 2 High Lifes with your co-workers. You think about ordering food but you don't. You talk and goof off and have fun and let the weight of the day slip off your shoulders and into your liver. And even when your fella is being crabby (and it was understandable) and didn't want you to sleep over (and you didn't want to because you didn't want to catch his grumpiness), you roll with it. It was nice that he called later to apologize for rubbing his nasty attitude in my face but when his snappiness made a reappearance, I let him off the phone and DIDN'T call back (usually I call back...I hate to leave things hanging at night...I need to go to bed getting along). Instead, I let him sleep with his bad mood at his house and I watched cartoons in my bed..my BED, not the couch...in a Vicodin enduced haze! Oh la la!
7. And don't worry, Bill was in a better, marshmallowy mood and we spent or lunch break together where he told me he wanted to take me somewhere on Friday if I wasn't leaving for the race (see #8). He's taking me to a football game! May not sound exciting to YOU but I've never been to a game so I think it's really cute that he's taking me. I hope I can wear a hoodie. And drink beer. Do yoou hear this, Becky?!?! I'm going to a football game! TOUCH DOWN!
8. I need a break from my life so I've (semi)decided to use vacation days Friday and Monday from work and go to Michigan International Speedway to watch the race, camping in the infield again. I was so dead set on it yesterday and now I'm iffy. I'm thinking that hanging around my house, lounging, watching movies, cooking food, running errands, straightening up, napping, etc., might be more beneifical to my mental state than driving to Michigan and spending money I don't have. There's also the Hot Rod Hula Hop in Columbus. So many options. All I know is that Friday and Monday, I'm on mini-vay-cay and I can't wait. Maybe I'll give myself a mani/pedi and take a bubble bath. And maybe I won't get out of my pajamas at ALL. Even to get the DVR fixed! God bless vacation days!
9. I need a nap. I see episodes of "American Dreams", a tall glass of Pepsi, and the couch in my future. Doesn't that just sound heavenly?
10. When Jamie and I get hitched, I'm going to say we're McMarried...or McMurried.
VIVA!!!
1. My back hurts. Big time. I've been enjoying a Vicodin and Pepsi cocktail 2 or 3 times a week recently. This is not good. I hate having to shut my brain off to numb the pain. But sadly, that's what I've been doing. But I was assured that there's a Baby Oil back rub in my future. I can dig that. I can't dig this pain though. Huey Lewis needs to write a song for me called "I Want a New Back"...cause it's true.
2. The 48 on Bill's garage door is done. I like it. I hate Jimmie Johnson though.
3. A majority of the week was spent planning and preparing for the Slumber Party Massacre in honor of Jen's birthday. Horror of 59 and Chesty Deathrattle performed. A hole had to be beaten into my attic door to free the thirsty kittens. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I want to cry when I see it now. Boo. But the party was a smashing success, regardless of whether or not I announce that there will be no more parties. I'm always bluffing. I like to party. I especially like drama free parties where everyone has a great time (including Bill) and I get to try and fall in lust with BLOODY MARYS!! And I LOVE parties where I don't have to clean up! Weeeeeeeeee.
4. Drinking Tequilla from the bottle is never a good idea though. It makes for a rough Sunday. One of those ones where I only left Bill's bed for a collective total of maybe 12 minutes tops. He cooked me chicken on the grill, let me eat his peas, and kept my Pepsi glass topped off. We slept the whole day away and once the room stopped spinning, I didn't mind being a lazy bum. Oh, there was nudity, too. *blush*
5. Yesterday was the PITS at work. PITS! Phoebe couldn't come in so I was up to my eyeballs in shit and you do not want shit that close to your eyeballs. It's not healthy. And according to my mother, you don't want to cry at work.
6. So go out and have a cocktail insetad! Or in my case, you have a Bloody Mary, 2 tall drafts, and 2 High Lifes with your co-workers. You think about ordering food but you don't. You talk and goof off and have fun and let the weight of the day slip off your shoulders and into your liver. And even when your fella is being crabby (and it was understandable) and didn't want you to sleep over (and you didn't want to because you didn't want to catch his grumpiness), you roll with it. It was nice that he called later to apologize for rubbing his nasty attitude in my face but when his snappiness made a reappearance, I let him off the phone and DIDN'T call back (usually I call back...I hate to leave things hanging at night...I need to go to bed getting along). Instead, I let him sleep with his bad mood at his house and I watched cartoons in my bed..my BED, not the couch...in a Vicodin enduced haze! Oh la la!
7. And don't worry, Bill was in a better, marshmallowy mood and we spent or lunch break together where he told me he wanted to take me somewhere on Friday if I wasn't leaving for the race (see #8). He's taking me to a football game! May not sound exciting to YOU but I've never been to a game so I think it's really cute that he's taking me. I hope I can wear a hoodie. And drink beer. Do yoou hear this, Becky?!?! I'm going to a football game! TOUCH DOWN!
8. I need a break from my life so I've (semi)decided to use vacation days Friday and Monday from work and go to Michigan International Speedway to watch the race, camping in the infield again. I was so dead set on it yesterday and now I'm iffy. I'm thinking that hanging around my house, lounging, watching movies, cooking food, running errands, straightening up, napping, etc., might be more beneifical to my mental state than driving to Michigan and spending money I don't have. There's also the Hot Rod Hula Hop in Columbus. So many options. All I know is that Friday and Monday, I'm on mini-vay-cay and I can't wait. Maybe I'll give myself a mani/pedi and take a bubble bath. And maybe I won't get out of my pajamas at ALL. Even to get the DVR fixed! God bless vacation days!
9. I need a nap. I see episodes of "American Dreams", a tall glass of Pepsi, and the couch in my future. Doesn't that just sound heavenly?
10. When Jamie and I get hitched, I'm going to say we're McMarried...or McMurried.
VIVA!!!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Pay attention to me. I don't talk for my health.
My crush on Jamie McMurray is out of control. I'm all sweaty over it.
I think I'm started to become jaded and somewhat of a serial crab. Work is killing me. Money is killing me. A certain fella is killing me. Pussyfootin' is killing me. Party planning is killing me. Not having clean knickers is killing me. Living out of an overnight bag is killing me (but not sleeping with my marshmallow kills me in a worse fashion). I'm snapping heads off left and right and I just have a really blah attitude about everything and I hate feeling like that. All I want is a weekend in a nice hotel with a really plush bed a la our Heavy Rebel Hotel. I don't want to have to drive anywhere or plan anything or clean anything or sweat or stress. I want to watch pay-per-view movies, order room service, have cocktails, take a whirlpool bath, MAYBE swim in a pool or hang in a hot tub, and sleep with the air conditioning on and the shades pulled tight. That scenario isn't anywhere on my future schedule.
I thought an escape to Columbus would recharge my batteries but a work disaster sort of screwed that all up for me. Yes, I had a fantastic time with Becky, Tim and Porkchop (formerly known as Johnny Switchblade). After hours of verbal catching up, we had a rad dinner where I was introduced to Bellinis! Oh sweet Bellinis! Pitcher after pitcher going straight to my head. Heavenly. After a quick cat nap, we resumed an evening of drinking, game playing, chatting, and goofing off. But this entire trip took place after Bill and I stayed up from midnight to 3:00a trying to resolve scheduling issues at work. It was a BAD scene! Both of our heads were ready to roll right off and that is NOT what I wanted after seeing (and loving) Talladega Nights at the drive-in. It made us both stressed and crabby and we slept on separate sides of the bed. Boo. I left my home away from home in a sad state. And work issues just piled up like dead bodies! I took calls in the shower. I took calls on the can. I took calls in the car. I took calls at dinner. I took calls while hanigng out. I even took a call right before bed. I was cursing work. I wasn't even getting paid and I wasn't able to fully enjoy myself. Rot. Rot. Kill. Blather. Blech.
On the drive home, I DID stop at the most AMAZING gas station on the way home. God only knows how I've been existing without it. Exit #186 off of I-71 N. Please go. It will blow your mind. I thought I was in heaven. I could have dropped a few hundred bucks there. I could have spent my whole afternoon there if it was free to spend. Please go there. Have your mind blown. Thank me later.
My Sunday was spent with the good ol' family. We played miniature golf in the burning hot sun and then had a delicious Italian dinner. I had a nice time with my sisters and my parents and I seemed to work out a TOTALLY reasonable deal regarding a new car (which I NEED as I am actually fearing for my life in this death trap...I loved you Betty Blue. Together, we saw 21 of the 50 states..OK, so you didn't go to Nevada. Stop being selfish). But I was still stressed from all the weekend work bullshit. It was the worst work experience of my life. It wrecked my weekend. But luckily, it was all capped off in Bill's bed, trying to sleep off the weekend. Like I've said, drafting solves most problems.
Now it's a new week. I finished (for the most part) the 48 and a drunken Bill (and we're not even going to go there regarding him being drunk and me being alone, painting in the heat all day when I should have been drinking tall boys) was appreciative. He said it was beautiful. He may feel different today. I woke up with a bad attitude but the hoodie Phoebe got me that reads "Robots Make Better Boyfriends" brings me joy. It fits like a glove. I'm going to see mi familia for a bigger family gathering after work and then doing some pre-party shopping with Jen. Those things don't suck (though cleaning the house for the party does). Plus, I lost a few pounds and who doesn't love that? PLUS plus, Ben and Lisa's weird puppetry has inspired me to do a solo PFG dance to "Tastes Like Poison". I love the Drags. It's going to be sweet-ass sassafras.
Maybe I wouldn't be so cranky if I could just poop at work. Le sigh.
I think I'm started to become jaded and somewhat of a serial crab. Work is killing me. Money is killing me. A certain fella is killing me. Pussyfootin' is killing me. Party planning is killing me. Not having clean knickers is killing me. Living out of an overnight bag is killing me (but not sleeping with my marshmallow kills me in a worse fashion). I'm snapping heads off left and right and I just have a really blah attitude about everything and I hate feeling like that. All I want is a weekend in a nice hotel with a really plush bed a la our Heavy Rebel Hotel. I don't want to have to drive anywhere or plan anything or clean anything or sweat or stress. I want to watch pay-per-view movies, order room service, have cocktails, take a whirlpool bath, MAYBE swim in a pool or hang in a hot tub, and sleep with the air conditioning on and the shades pulled tight. That scenario isn't anywhere on my future schedule.
I thought an escape to Columbus would recharge my batteries but a work disaster sort of screwed that all up for me. Yes, I had a fantastic time with Becky, Tim and Porkchop (formerly known as Johnny Switchblade). After hours of verbal catching up, we had a rad dinner where I was introduced to Bellinis! Oh sweet Bellinis! Pitcher after pitcher going straight to my head. Heavenly. After a quick cat nap, we resumed an evening of drinking, game playing, chatting, and goofing off. But this entire trip took place after Bill and I stayed up from midnight to 3:00a trying to resolve scheduling issues at work. It was a BAD scene! Both of our heads were ready to roll right off and that is NOT what I wanted after seeing (and loving) Talladega Nights at the drive-in. It made us both stressed and crabby and we slept on separate sides of the bed. Boo. I left my home away from home in a sad state. And work issues just piled up like dead bodies! I took calls in the shower. I took calls on the can. I took calls in the car. I took calls at dinner. I took calls while hanigng out. I even took a call right before bed. I was cursing work. I wasn't even getting paid and I wasn't able to fully enjoy myself. Rot. Rot. Kill. Blather. Blech.
On the drive home, I DID stop at the most AMAZING gas station on the way home. God only knows how I've been existing without it. Exit #186 off of I-71 N. Please go. It will blow your mind. I thought I was in heaven. I could have dropped a few hundred bucks there. I could have spent my whole afternoon there if it was free to spend. Please go there. Have your mind blown. Thank me later.
My Sunday was spent with the good ol' family. We played miniature golf in the burning hot sun and then had a delicious Italian dinner. I had a nice time with my sisters and my parents and I seemed to work out a TOTALLY reasonable deal regarding a new car (which I NEED as I am actually fearing for my life in this death trap...I loved you Betty Blue. Together, we saw 21 of the 50 states..OK, so you didn't go to Nevada. Stop being selfish). But I was still stressed from all the weekend work bullshit. It was the worst work experience of my life. It wrecked my weekend. But luckily, it was all capped off in Bill's bed, trying to sleep off the weekend. Like I've said, drafting solves most problems.
Now it's a new week. I finished (for the most part) the 48 and a drunken Bill (and we're not even going to go there regarding him being drunk and me being alone, painting in the heat all day when I should have been drinking tall boys) was appreciative. He said it was beautiful. He may feel different today. I woke up with a bad attitude but the hoodie Phoebe got me that reads "Robots Make Better Boyfriends" brings me joy. It fits like a glove. I'm going to see mi familia for a bigger family gathering after work and then doing some pre-party shopping with Jen. Those things don't suck (though cleaning the house for the party does). Plus, I lost a few pounds and who doesn't love that? PLUS plus, Ben and Lisa's weird puppetry has inspired me to do a solo PFG dance to "Tastes Like Poison". I love the Drags. It's going to be sweet-ass sassafras.
Maybe I wouldn't be so cranky if I could just poop at work. Le sigh.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Who do you thank when you have such luck?
I think Sharky is catching "the sickness". After busting my ass working on the 48 (almost done...YEEHAW) last night, I was exhausted beyond belief. I even fell asleep during Futurama which highlights the extent to which my body was WRECKED. I didn't feel right when I woke up this morning...it was hard to meet Bill half way for a good-bye kiss) and it was extremely difficult to lift these old bones out of bed. Then the sore and swollen throat kicked in. As the day dragged on, and I mean DRAGGED despite what a busy bee I am, my gums began to hurt (toothaches always go hand in hand with my colds/flus), my muscles started to ache, and my head began to pound.
I really do NOT want to be sick, especially with the weekend upon up. I will karate chop someone in the throat (Bill just made an awesome "ninja karate chopping someone in the throat" sound over the phone) if I'm laid up on the couch, coughing and sneezing and crying. Tomorrow night, there's a triple-double-date at the drive-in. Sharon & Dave (Couple #1: Team Gearhead/4-on-the-Floor), Tom & Carol (Couple #2: Team Leather-Lace-Tequilla-Whiskey), Bill & I (Couple #3: Team Hanky Panky Hangovers) are goign to see TALLADEGA NIGHTS! We're been counting down the days and once I found out Jamie McMurray will be playing himself (and I will be wearing my Jamie McMurray SHIRT), I've had to change my panties far more often than usual! I like drive-in dates with my dude. I want beers and cheese fries and lawn chairs and hoodies. I do NOT want to be at home with the BLACK DEATH!
And Saturday afternoon, Switchblade and I are rolling on down to the state capital to eat, drink, and be shitty with our favorite drinking buddies, The Murphys! I miss Becky so much! I talked to her on the phone last night and was just so giddy when we hung up. I haven't seen her in...6 months (!!!)...which is the longest span of time we've experienced between visits. Hopefully we can have a nice dinner, go to a cool bar, talk our faces off, do shots, tell embarrassing stories from our drunken pasts. Ah, the Punk-Drunk Summer of...2001 or 2002? Was it REALLY that long ago? God, I could just puke in my lap...which is pretty much what I did that whole summer. Whatever we do, I'll have a great time. It will be exactly the mini get away I need to clear out my foggy head. Playing "asshole" and listening to Journey usually does that to a girl.
Bill called me "honey" today at work and I liked it. I believe the sentence was, "I don't feel good, Honey". It was adorable. It was also adorable when he woke me up last night to eat popcorn together. He does adorable things, no matter how hard he tries to hide them. I am now the proud owner of a Tony Stewart lunchbox thanks to him (he was actually listening when I said I collected lunchboxes). He's always feeding me and doing cute little things that are out of character for him. He takes good care of me 90% of the time. Everything's better for me if he's there. And THAT is why I am planning something extra super bad ass for his birthday! Sure, it's not until October but it's going to take planning and money and help for the big surprise to go off without a hitch. I'm excited. He thrills me. I want to thrill him.
I really do NOT want to be sick, especially with the weekend upon up. I will karate chop someone in the throat (Bill just made an awesome "ninja karate chopping someone in the throat" sound over the phone) if I'm laid up on the couch, coughing and sneezing and crying. Tomorrow night, there's a triple-double-date at the drive-in. Sharon & Dave (Couple #1: Team Gearhead/4-on-the-Floor), Tom & Carol (Couple #2: Team Leather-Lace-Tequilla-Whiskey), Bill & I (Couple #3: Team Hanky Panky Hangovers) are goign to see TALLADEGA NIGHTS! We're been counting down the days and once I found out Jamie McMurray will be playing himself (and I will be wearing my Jamie McMurray SHIRT), I've had to change my panties far more often than usual! I like drive-in dates with my dude. I want beers and cheese fries and lawn chairs and hoodies. I do NOT want to be at home with the BLACK DEATH!
And Saturday afternoon, Switchblade and I are rolling on down to the state capital to eat, drink, and be shitty with our favorite drinking buddies, The Murphys! I miss Becky so much! I talked to her on the phone last night and was just so giddy when we hung up. I haven't seen her in...6 months (!!!)...which is the longest span of time we've experienced between visits. Hopefully we can have a nice dinner, go to a cool bar, talk our faces off, do shots, tell embarrassing stories from our drunken pasts. Ah, the Punk-Drunk Summer of...2001 or 2002? Was it REALLY that long ago? God, I could just puke in my lap...which is pretty much what I did that whole summer. Whatever we do, I'll have a great time. It will be exactly the mini get away I need to clear out my foggy head. Playing "asshole" and listening to Journey usually does that to a girl.
Bill called me "honey" today at work and I liked it. I believe the sentence was, "I don't feel good, Honey". It was adorable. It was also adorable when he woke me up last night to eat popcorn together. He does adorable things, no matter how hard he tries to hide them. I am now the proud owner of a Tony Stewart lunchbox thanks to him (he was actually listening when I said I collected lunchboxes). He's always feeding me and doing cute little things that are out of character for him. He takes good care of me 90% of the time. Everything's better for me if he's there. And THAT is why I am planning something extra super bad ass for his birthday! Sure, it's not until October but it's going to take planning and money and help for the big surprise to go off without a hitch. I'm excited. He thrills me. I want to thrill him.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
There's a cause for all my sorrow.
I couldn't have been happier than when our Pussyfoot set was over on Saturday. I was hot, I was tired, I was crabby, and I just wasn't feeling it. It was a sweet relief to walk out of the Beachland. I wanted out of my outfit and into the bed, STAT! I didn't sleep so well and ended up leaving Bill's with a crabby attitude in the morning but he helped contribute to that. I think we were both miserable that morning for one reason or another and God forbid we talk to each other about it. Blech.
My bad mood got an adjustment when we went out to a Hibachi restaurant for Jen's birthday (which was yesterday...Happy Birthday, my little thug). I ate and ate and ate and then we headed on over to Valley View to see "Click". Do not see this movie unless you plan on crying a little or you're very close to getting your period. Nothing good can come of it and it made the whole lot of us misty eyed. Boo. The whole flick reminded me a lot of Bill which reminded me of our crabby morning. Blech.
The laziness continued as we headed back to the Ol' Kentucky Shark Corral and watched multiple episodes of Cribs, which always makes me hate my life. But putting on pajama pants eased the pain. So did recieving my FIRST text message from Bill! It was one of those moments where I heard my phone beep but ignored it because who could it possible be? No one important. And it was! And I didn't realize it for 45 minutes! ARGH! Jen made us all dinner and we watched episodes of Undeclared and were basically bums.
People headed home and up to bed and I had a short but sweet phone call on my front porch from my drunk and confused fella. I wish I could help him figure things out but all I can do is love him and listen to him babble. Our bad morning had eventually turned into a sweet (sweet like cute not sweet like "HELL YEAH, DUDE") evening. As I watched cartoons through hazy, painkiller inflicted eyes, I was thrilled to read the words "Good night. I miss you" on my phone screen. Sleeping apart is rotten but message like that rule.
Now I'm at work and things are back to being crabby. I have a sore throat and an earache and an all-around bad disposition. I'm not even sure why I'm typing at all. Who wants to relive moody days? I guess we have to take the nasty with the rad so we apprecaite our good days more. I need a good day. I need more days that include the man I lvoe buying me Tony Stewart lunch boxes. Le sigh.
My bad mood got an adjustment when we went out to a Hibachi restaurant for Jen's birthday (which was yesterday...Happy Birthday, my little thug). I ate and ate and ate and then we headed on over to Valley View to see "Click". Do not see this movie unless you plan on crying a little or you're very close to getting your period. Nothing good can come of it and it made the whole lot of us misty eyed. Boo. The whole flick reminded me a lot of Bill which reminded me of our crabby morning. Blech.
The laziness continued as we headed back to the Ol' Kentucky Shark Corral and watched multiple episodes of Cribs, which always makes me hate my life. But putting on pajama pants eased the pain. So did recieving my FIRST text message from Bill! It was one of those moments where I heard my phone beep but ignored it because who could it possible be? No one important. And it was! And I didn't realize it for 45 minutes! ARGH! Jen made us all dinner and we watched episodes of Undeclared and were basically bums.
People headed home and up to bed and I had a short but sweet phone call on my front porch from my drunk and confused fella. I wish I could help him figure things out but all I can do is love him and listen to him babble. Our bad morning had eventually turned into a sweet (sweet like cute not sweet like "HELL YEAH, DUDE") evening. As I watched cartoons through hazy, painkiller inflicted eyes, I was thrilled to read the words "Good night. I miss you" on my phone screen. Sleeping apart is rotten but message like that rule.
Now I'm at work and things are back to being crabby. I have a sore throat and an earache and an all-around bad disposition. I'm not even sure why I'm typing at all. Who wants to relive moody days? I guess we have to take the nasty with the rad so we apprecaite our good days more. I need a good day. I need more days that include the man I lvoe buying me Tony Stewart lunch boxes. Le sigh.
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