IT'S FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE
1. Phoebe quit her job at Shamrock. Gave a few weeks notice. No one seemed to mind too much besides me. Lots of stress is now resting on my shoulders. It went from a 4 man operation to one...me. I am the operation. I am my deparment. Taking the rest of my vacation days this week or in two weeks just to enjoy myself before I become "the boss". Good luck with your new gig, Phoebe.
2. Car got detailed. I don't think people you're paying $125 to do a specific job should blatantly make fun or you, your car, and your lifestyle choices to your face. Despite the great job they did on making all the sludge in my car disappear, I wouldn't recommend them to anyone. They were strangers, not friends, so how dare they tell me what to do with my possessions or how to live my life? Fuck 'em.
3. Curled up in my bed after work. Watched "She's the Man" which arrived from Netflix and crashed, hardcore. I decided today that I think I'm depressed or at least getting into that rut of "having the blues". Not feeling like myself and certainly not liking it. Woke up to a late night phone call which had me driving Betty Blue to Garfield for the last time. I needed to draft and be drafter but I'm not even sure it helped that much. It helped to find out I'm getting a FAT raise, regardless of not getting a replacement for Phoebe. When I say FAT, I mean PH-PH-PHAT! I love money. I'm American.
SATURDAY IS ALRIGHT FOR FIGHTING
1. Remember when I said the future was a Honda CRV? I lied. It's a black Toyota Rav4 and it's hot. Since it's big and black, I thought about naming it Earl after my big, black friend. But is that offensive? The Early Mobile has a nice ring to it. Early is the character I like on Squidbillies, too, so it COULD have a double meaning...but won't. Anyway, I love my car and would love to take y'all in a ride for it. But no smoking! And no mucky feet! And no puking into plastic bags! And for CRYING OUT LOUD, no spilling!!!
2. Got all gussied up and took my new wheels on out to Strongsville to be little Benny's date to his mom's wedding. I was there over an hour before he was (I guess I was poorly informed of the time) so I left for a while. Ended up with heart burn, a bad attitude and an emergency (see SATURDAY #3) so I never made it back to the reception. I'm sure he's mad but the whole point of my going was to be the designated driver but he drove his OWN TRUCK. How was that going to work? I didn't need to be there other than to be a show piece. A tall drink of water, if you will. So I didn't go back.
3. When a friend doesn't show up for a particular event, doesn't call anybody, doesn't come to pick someone up when she's supposed to, her garage is wide open, her car doors are unlocked, her dead bolt which is NEVER locked IS, her dog is inside, and her son is supposed to be picked up at 11:00p, you assume she's inside and you assume bad things. She must have received about 50 phone calls from concerned parties not to mention me and Bill banging on her door, honking horns, and trying to bust windows with the help of neighbors. When a person is 5 hours late to pick you up for a party and doesn't answer the cell phone, you panic. You call a locksmith. You worry that she's hurt inside. And in the end, when she IS inside but won't let any of the concerned parties in to see her, well, it doesn't all add up.
So my Saturday ended up with no wedding reception, no co-worker party, no beer during the race and no bonfire. Sure, I did get a new car AND won the NASCAR pool (GO KENSETH!!!) but overall, Saturday was as much of a wash as Friday.
SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY
1. Wanted to show my mom the new ride and was invited to tea with my sisters and nieces. Guess they had this whole day planned for quite awhile and I probably wouldn't have been invited if I had called when I did. Maybe it's because I don't have kids and it was like an end of summer/back to school thing. But I'll probably never have kids so will I always be left out of things? It sort of just rubs in my face the fact that I don't have a family. Sure, I have "a family", but when my parents are gone and my sisters have their husbands and kids and "families", I'll most likely just be me. When I was married even, Ezra said we wouldn't be a family until we had kids. I didn't even have a shot to have a family of my own.
2. I felt kind of stupid for being there today. I was pretty quiet. I hope I didn't come across as rude. I just really felt awkward. Other things happened besides the last minute invite thing to dampen my mood but I'll probably just keep those to myself. Let's just say I felt slightly ashamed and embarrassed and the worst part is, I wasn't even surprized about it. I'm actually starting to believe that I really can't do anything right. I got a raise and a slight (if somewhat by default) promotion this weekend and I feel more like a failure than ever.
3. Bill is out and about with his Dad doing God knows what. I'm here at home feeling lousy. He said he'll call when he's done. I don't know if I'm sleeping here or there or what's going. Such is life living out of an overnight bag. Part of me seriously wants to go to bed right now and call it a day because I know my quiet disposition and thoughfulness and "blues" will just be aggravating because I can't explain it all without sounding pathetic or like a broken record. I don't want anything I'm feeling bad about to be related to Bill in any way. But if I stay here, I don't stay with him and then I could end up feeling just as horrible...am I not going because I REALLY feel THIS bad or am I not going just to make myself feel worse? I've never actually chosen to NOT stay there. I think no matter where I am sleeping today, I'll probably cry.
MONDAY, MONDAY
1. I hope...
2. ...that I...
3. ...can survive.
No comments:
Post a Comment