THEY KEEP COMIN' and I keep goin'...and you suck your thumb!
Sat. Aug. 20 * Cult of the Psychic Fetus, Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival * The Grog Shop * 9PM
So, the rumor is that I have been impregnated with 14 mutant swamp babies, all of which are to be named Riley. How did this happen? With gamma radiation supplied into a crazy man's hands by a bayou-dwelling witch doctor, of course. Makes perfect sense, if you think about it. I don't encourage the father to try and feel the kicks because our babies' powerful tentacles have the strength to kick right through my womb and no one needs a bloody mess on their hands...or on their dress for that matter. It's good to know that I will have an army of Riley's to take care of me in my old age. That is...if they don't eat me or their father first. He'd probably think that was the coolest thing to ever happen to him. Man is Eaten Alive By A Mutant Army of His Offspring. Mother of the Army Mourns the Loss.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy, from the unborn Riley's #1-14.
In real news...actual, authentic "it is happening to me" news...I am a week late. You know..."late". Pros: I haven't "made with the love" since the last meeting with My Girl Flo. Cons: My last 2 meetings only lasted for a day and Flo wasn't very encouraging. Having my ex-husband's bun in my oven would leave me no option but to lay down on a train track. Then Russle Crowe could write a song about me. I am going to go see Nekromantix before I officially start comtemplating suicial measures.
11 days to the Heavy Rebel Weekender. Holy cow.
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Tommy Bones who doesn't look a day over 25! I am glad that I could entertain you by crawling around on your living room floor with Maggie Maalox, rubbing my butt in her face and screeching MEOW at the top of my bruised and battered lungs (2 days with no cigarettes and couting...and cranky...and coughing). It is only for you that I would do an impromptu performance with 2 broken ribs, a summer cold, and no glasses on! You are one cool dude with a cool wife and a cool life. You deserved a rockin' celebration and I hope you felt that all your pals delivered!! Chicago lost a gem when they lost you. Our gain! Cleveland rocks! Tommy Bones is king!
Don't neglect the comment feature, people.
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