Monday, January 17, 2011

I don't mind and I don't mind.

Nothing says Monday like your doc declaring you STD free.


Maybe I should state that I had no doubts about my STD-free-ness. I was forced into the tests by my doc who was just looking out for the eyesight of my unborn. Vaginal yuck and baby blindness go hand-in-hand. If you didn't know, now you do.

Want a rant?

I can't flippity flipping BELIEVE that Annette Benning won a Golden Globe for that horrific monstrosity, "The Kids Are Alright". That movie was garbage and I'll be fast-forwarding through her acceptance speech when I watch the Globes...which I have DVR'd because I have an awards show addiction. I would've pulled a Kanye, had I been there. Why I would be at the Golden Globes is in question but I would've gone apeshit!

And why is the press all overcome with shock and awe about Ricky Gervais making jokes at the expense of some "celebrities"? Have you ever watched an awards show before? Do you even KNOW who Ricky Gervais IS? I can't wait to see him lay into Angelina Jolie. She needs to be taken down a few pegs. Preferably by me. And Preferably by cutting off her calves with a machete.

Speaking of amputation...

Sorry, Zsa Zsa. I heard you don't even know your leg is gone yet but that you've been eating ice cream and sausage and smiling. I would not be smiling if I came off of Morphine to discover my leg had been removed. But maybe Zsa Zsa Gabor isn't as anti-amputation as I am. Wait...maybe I'm not so much ANTI-amputation. I'm just terrified of it. Apotemnaphobia. If I were her...apeshit.

I had a bunch of nightmares last night. One dealing with me outside at night in the rain, digging through wet soil to find these long, scary, angry weasel type creatures and then pretty much beating them to death because they were both frightening AND stopping me from fixing my car battery. I felt like I was in the pool in "Poltergeist".

I somehow think the nightmare was cause by an episode of "No Reservations" where Anthony Bourdain was digging for Geoduck/Gooey Duck. Yeah, I'm officially also afraid of prehistoric looking clams. Ostroconophobia. That's just a fear of clams, not prehistoric looking ones specifically.

I've gotta go. I'm feeling freaked out by my own rant!


Bob Ignizio said...

Wow, harsh words for Annette. I actually liked 'The Kids Are Alright' quite a bit, but I can see how it might be annoying to some. And for my money, Julianne Moore deserved the award more than Annette.

I had no idea Zsa Zsa was having pieces parts removed from her body. Your mention of fear of amputation reminds me of a cheesy seventies horror movie called 'Scream and Scream Again'. In it, people are kidnapped and put in a hospital where they keep getting knocked out, only to wake up missing arms or legs. That would be a real bummer.

And glad to hear you're STD free. Do they give you a T-shirt for that or something?

Sharky Marie P.G. said...

I typically don't hate Annette. And her performance was probably fine but it was shadowed by how much I hated the movie.

And thanks, Bob. Now part of me wants to watch "Scream and Scream Again" but it'll probably RUIN ME FOR LIFE!! How'd you like to be a fly on the wall when they tell Zsa Zsa that her leg is gone? Yeeeesh.