Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I'm bailin' out because I hate the race.

La desidero, la sua faccia di dollaro-dente di carlino-nosed, il suo ha esaurito il vagaina, le sue abilità di cura parentale orribili, il suo comportamento egoistico, lei il tatuaggio di farfalla, ed il suo orribile, presto per colpire la roccia vita inferiore MOVEREBBE appena LONTANO GIÀ. Fare tutti che mai ha avuto il dispiacere di riunione lei un favore ed andare la coperta la sua cattiveria sul lato opposto del paese. E non ritorna visitare. Disinfetteremo lo stato una volta lei è andato. Se lei mai ferma per mentire e va appena. Pensa che questo sia minorile? Si. È. Ma l'odio esattamente che molto!

When people in the movies are really riled up about something, they always start flipping out in foreign languages. I think that's what I'm going to do from now on. This blog has been a relatively hostility-free environment since the beginning of last summer. I left anger and nastiness out of that because who wants to remember that junk? Well, in the case of Me vs. Suckos, I do what to remember it. And today I want to remember it in barely translatable Italian.

I want to do the following things. Who's with me?

-Take a foreign I can rant. Maybe something out there. Russian. Hungarian. Polish. Something thick and mysterious. No one is going to mistake me for Italian.

-Go to Coney Island and, on a similar note, learn to throw knives, breathe fire, and sword swallow. In a tight and tacky outfit. And in that order.

-Start a zombie themed go-go dancing troupe. Not saying PFG aren't returning. I just want to do something creepier. I need to be prepared in case Demented Are Go ever show up.

-Hit Chicago and ride the ferris wheel at Navy Pier, have a beer at the bar where Tom & Carol met, eat a deep dish pizza, and see the location of the original Playboy Mansion.

-Three words: SAUCY PUPPET SHOW!

-Plan a roadtrip that spanning several states to see oddities: Mutter Museum, Salem Mass, Museum of Circus Sideshow, biggest ball of yarn, WHATEVER. Music, junk food, cruising, photos.

-Go to various amusement parks in the country and ride all of the "spinny" rides and possibly some of the cheesier rollercoasters.

-Take some sort of adult education workshop...learn how to fence, amateur photography, Japanese cooking, pottery or some other "no skill needed" art class. Anything really.

-Go to Epcot Center at Disney World and have a different alcoholic beverage (and hilarious photo op...especially if people in giant plush costumes are about) at every one of the countries.

-Go to New York and see all the important stuff...Statue of Liberty, Rockefellar Center, Time Square and so on, find a place that serves Presidente and see a show at Otto's.

Come on. That's a PRETTY rad list. I KNOW that someone out there wants to do at least 1 of these things if not more. Sign up! I didn't realize how much travelling I wanted to do. I better start saving my pennies. You know, after making that list, I feel so much calmer and more relaxed. I still feel how I felt at the beginning but I don't think I'll be speaking Italian any more today!


Anonymous said...

A comment. Cause you really want me to leave one.. I know it.

The Drunken Gnome said...

Definitely hit up the Mutter Museum. So many creepo things in there, like a huge ball of hair that was in someone's stomach. and they have a gift shop!