You've had a busy day today.

For the past few days, I've felt a lot like I was under water. My brain was all over the place and I just generally did not like how I was feeling. The scattered brain was starting to affect my physically and my body has enough problems! I knew I had to put a stop to it...the weirdness...somehow because feeling like you're drowning...not really a lot of fun. So yesterday I said, "I'm done feeling like this. Simple as that. There are too many important things to do to drown right now".

Todd thought maybe I had "cold feeties". The fact that he used the word "feeties" let me know that if I WAS having them, he wasn't worried about it. He knows my love is solid. But it wasn't cold feet. I don't like that term. That term makes makes it seem like the person with cold feet is having doubts about what they're doing. No doubts here. Jitters. I could stand the term jitters because I think that's just a synonym for "nerves". And yeah, I have nerves. Is everything going to get done in time? Am I going to trip? Is everyone going to have a good time? Will I cry? Stuff like that. But my feet are TOASTY warm. His are "hot cha cha".

Interjection: I saw a brown SUV yesterday. Chocolate brown. I haven't seen a brown car since my Dad drove a Cadillac in the 80s. Is brown coming back in terms of popular car color? I bet some people are going to question my vision. This SUV was brown. Seriously.

Carrying on.

So even though I've decided not to drown, I still can't sleep. I'm very much a zombie today. But it's PJ Thursday and we get to hang out with Johnny which is flat out rad. Haven't spent a lot of time with that kid in recent months. But when we do all get together, he's Switchblade and it feels just like it always has. I have a feeling that's going to feel pretty good. Todd and Johnny are my best friends, my main dudes, my partners-in-crime. I'm really looking forward to tonight. To this whole jam-packed weekend, actually.

I just told Carol to "take a minute to feel bad and then tell that bad feeling to take a hike". Something about the repetition of words made me feel it was a really solid sounding statement!

Anyway, enjoy your weekends, no matter where their potential falls on the Boring to Awesome scale. I'll be hovering around the Awesome end of things if you want to find me.

Gonna scream REAL LOUD!

I stole this from Rick because my fingers feel like typing and my brain feels like emptying but somewhere in there, I can't sort out my thoughts to say anything witty or interesting. So I'm going to do this and see what comes out of it. Maybe I can find out why I'm under some sort of little black raincloud today and why I can't sleep...again. An answer has to lie in that tangled mess of my mind somewhere, am I right?

The Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note completing the 36 "I’ve come to realize." And blah, blah, blah...there were a gaggle of more rules that don't apply since this isn't a Facebook note. So I'm basically just filling in the blanks. And it's basically just a time waster because I doubt 36 fill-in-the-blanks are going to help you know me any better. I've pretty much put it all out there over the past 9 years of blogging. 36 is one of my lucky numbers so I guess I could wax philosophical on that. But I won't.

Onward.

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...is pretty rad since I like having big jugs, but could always be bigger. After nursing school and babies, bigger jugs may be on my To-Do list.

2. I've come to realize that my job..., which I appreciate having it and the money/stability it provides, is not my dream job and I'm not sure how much room I have to grow here.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I get overly annoyed by people who have the "Don't Put My Flag On Your Foreign Car" stickers. My Toyota is going to outlive your Ford by yeaaaaars. And sorry Patriot, but I don't have money for a boatload of repairs.

4. I've come to realize that I need...to put my foot down. No matter what the consequences are.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...some really amazing friends and opportunities due to being young, emotional, and easily taken advantage of. But I am no longer any of those things. If anything, I'm just broken...in a way I can accept.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...people think there's a time limit on hurt. Somethings you just DON'T get over. Simple as that.

7. I've come to realize that when I'm drunk...I love listening to music REALLY LOUD in the car (as a passenger). Like when Phoebe and I would be driving around listening to "Tessie" and Sasquatch and the Sickabillies and Von Bondies and "Hometown". Those were the days.

8. I've come to realize that money...and I should be getting along jussssssst fine pretty soon. I will be totally debt free, all bills will be paid in full, and money will be in savings. Not too shabby. But that's soon. For now...I'm the bread winner and 3 people are eating the bread.

9. I've come to realize that certain people...are ugly on the inside.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always...have "an undying ability to never give up". And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I just know it IS and it will probably kill me at an early age.

11. I've come to realize that my siblings...are solid.

12. I've come to realize that my mom...might have finally accepted that it isn't "just a phase".

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...is a nuisance. I never answer calls. I get annoyed by it. It annoys people. And I hate other people's cell phones as well. They're evil. They're only used for evil.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I was pretty unhappy. I was pretty unhappy when I went to bed last night. I couldn't have really expected things to just change while I slept. That "tomorrow is a new day" stuff is garbage.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...I was uploading old school pictures of me and pals onto Facebook and reliving some really good times in my life.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am...daydreaming about the wedding because I'm anxious for it to get here already. It's the one thing that keeps my head above water when I'm moody. Which I am. Because I'm exhausted and stressed and stretched too thin.

17. I've come to realize that my dad...and I have to transfer 30 cases of beer from his car to mine. And then Todd and I have to transfer 30 cases of beer from my car to the house. And then from the house to the car. Then the car to the caterers. And none of this sounds like any fun to me.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I am totally reminded of how funny and rad my friends are, and how Todd is cute and loves me, and how My Space is lame and I'm over it (besides wanting to see pictures of Jen's belly).

19. I've come to realize that today...marks 25 days until the wedding. But outside of that fact, today will probably be a lot like yesterday. Maybe even identical.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...I have to remember to eat dinner. And I have to go to bed early so that I don't zombie my way through another morning.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...is Wednesday so Top Chef is on. Or is it Project Runway? Either way, a show I like is on and will tape and I will watch it when I'm off on Friday like I do with ALL my shows. I inherited this television problem from my mother.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...learn how to throw knives, swallow swords, and breathe fire. I wouldn't mind learning how to fence either.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this...could've been my friend if circumstances were not as they are and things that happened hadn't.

24. I've come to realize that life...is hard. And anyone who thinks it isn't is an idiot and should be punched in the junk!

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...is a rad Skunk-n-Weasel Weekend. Thursday is PJ Thursday per usual (and Johnny is joining us!!!), Friday we have a date to go see "Inglorious BAsterds", Saturday we're going to s cocktail shin-dig, and Sunday, if Stephanie is right about her Manhattans, will be scheduled recovery. I'm pumped about it all.

26. I've come to realize the best music to listen to when I am upset...is either music that makes me cry so I get it out of my system (I have a limited number of tears per cry) or music that makes me super happy so I can just say "Ahhhh, fuck it".

27. I've come to realize that #27...is missing and was probably the one indepth question I needed to set myselt right again. The person I hate most in the world is 27 so that number can just disappear for all I care.

28. I've come to realize that this year...has been both rewarding and difficult. There are parts I'll never forget and parts I don't care to remember. But this year is the year I'm marrying the person I love. So it's a rad year in my book.

29. I've come to realize that my ex...was just a HUGE mistake and I'm pretty embarrassed.

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...start smoking again.

31. I've come to realize that I love...Todd. More than anything and anyone on this planet and that is why I have "an undying ability to never give up". I also love my besties, the Ol' Kentucky Sharks, my family, my life, my top 10 favorite bands, going to shows, roadtrips, being a Pussyfoot Girl, being me, and cheese.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...a lot of math but I LOVE math.

33. I've come to realize my past...made me the person I am today, scars and all.

34. I've come to realize that parties...are typically fun, especially theme parties, and I think the New Year's Eve party I threw before Ben and Lisa moved was one of the best parties EVER! I consider our wedding reception "a party" and I think it will knock people's socks off.

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...of being buried alive.

36. I've come to realize that my life...overall is amazing. When I die, I'll be able to say that I did everything I wanted to and nothing/no one held me back. Despite the hard times and heartaches, I always came out on top and better than before. I've lived.

Everything she takes, she takes apart.

No foreign language rants today. Still hating on fools though.

Not much of anything today to blather about. I'm exhausted. I slept horribly and have been having horrible dreams about a variety of topics. It was a long night that is going to make for a long day. I can feel it in my zombie bones. My eyes are tired and I'm becoming increasingly irritable by the seconds. I'm trying to find "a happy place" to keep me from snapping at innocent people. The fact that 4 weeks from today we'll be in Key West is helping. It's helping a lot. I just have to keep picturing it. I have to stay focused on good times ahead.

Yep.

I ain't gonna miss you when you go.

I just sang...and by sing, I mean totally William Shatner style..."$100 Hangover" to my nephew. It's going to be the last song played at our wedding reception so I thought he should know what he's getting into. This was after a brief discussion about "Surfin' Bird" and why it's so rad. The last half an hour of this party is going to be utter, rockin', bubblegum-flavored chaos and I can't wait!

Moving forward.

It's really sad that some people make up stories about moving because they think moving far away makes them seem more glamerous. When in all actuality, anyone with half a brain knows they have to move far away so no one knows what a phony they are and that they have actually hit rock bottom in their pathetic lives. You know what? It's not sad. It's hysterical. It's also not about anyone who reads this. Because this pathetic person probably can't read unless it's etched into the headboard of whatever random amazing scumbag that's drilling her that week. You'd have to go from behind because that face...nightmare. Anyway, I'd be a much more mature and less self-righteous person if THAT person didn't exist and suck so bad. It's not my opinion. It's general fact.

I probably should have written that in German. Moving along.

Today is PJ Thursday. It's our new thing. Todd and I hang out and do the same thing every Thursday and have for the past X number of weeks. It's something to look forward to at the end of the work week (well, it's the end of MY week, anyway). Sometimes friends join. A lot of times it's just us. We talk, we drink, we laugh, we share cheese fries. I'm really looking forward to it tonight because with the above said nightmare person in our life, the last few days have been sucko. But that's the last I'm saying about them in English or any other language because we're done letting her affect us. Simple as that. It's PJ THURSAY!

I wish Phoebe would come home (and stay HOME but that's not my call). I'm glad Carol is on her way home and listening to "Africa" by Toto. I appreciate that Tessa doesn't freak when I have to strip down in front of her. I can wait for Johnny to learn about "Robin 101". I'm pumped that I got a few e-mails from Rocko this week. I appreciate the fact that Erin knows all good songs make you weepy. I hoping that Lisa will be here 30 days and dances to Billy Idol. I'm anxious to try a Manhattan at Stephanie's cocktail party. I wish Marie would post wedding pics already! And I think it's rad that Todd's as psyched for PJ Thursday as I am!

Have a swell weekend, y'all...whenever yours starts.

I'm much too fast to take that test.

Hon lämnar. Hon flyttar till den annan sida av landet om några få dagar. Hon lämnar hennes barn bakom. Vad sort av person gör det? Hon lämnar hennes son med en man hon har noll respekt för och en kvinna som hon hatar. Det är hur viktigt att starta ett nytt liv är till henne. Hon behöver flytta tusen av mil borta så inga fynd ut hon har slagit sten botten. Patetisk.

Yep. Foreign language ranting again.

Lots of changes are gonna go down, or so it seems. It has nothing to do with ME exactly but it will affect me big time. I'm having all kinds of feelings about said changes but I'm bottling them up. I'm channling all the emotions and confusion into my kitchen project. I blasted AFI, Bad Religion, and MxPx and rolled the bulk of every wall until my arms were shaking. I didn't eat dinner. I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't ask for any help. I sang and I rolled. Goodbye sunshiney yellow and Hello stormy gray. If it all comes together like I'm envisioning in my head, I'm going to spend all my time in there. My gloomy, creepy, mysterious kitchen. I'll empty out all my bottled up emotions by cooking. And by making out with the margarita machine.

My mind is all over the place. I'm just letting it spazz.

Getting married 1 month from today. Nothin' spazzy about that.

And if the people stare, then the people stare.

More and more I am growing quite aggitated by the thought of Phoebe moving to Colorado. At first it didn't phase me much because...Phoebe moves! She's lived all over. I knew at some point she'd move again. But now, yeah, not feeling it so much. And that's just me being selfish. But such is my right! She's one of my best buds. So I've moved from acceptance to aggitation and I'm guessing anger will come next if we're sticking around the top of the alphabet. I had a horribl dream that Phoebe blamed me for losing her job (which she hasn't) and it ended in lots of screaming. I wonder what my brain is trying to work out. Oh well. I hate you, Colorado. Oh look! I'm in "anger" already!

Tattoos are really fun and I'm glad none of mine mean anything (besides the fact that I have my best friend's name, our wedding date, Todd's name, and now a zombie geisha that was a wedding gift) because that would mean that I had tattoos that mean things about people who don't mean anything anymore. Todd and Johnny will always be my partners-in-crime so it's acceptable to have meaningful tattoos involving them. And I'm just speaking about me and my feelings and my tattoos. Remember, I'm being selfish. Anyway, tattoos are fun especially when it's a tattoo DATE (and they're a wedding gift from the cutest pregnant girl EVER) and your date picks chicken off the bone for you because you because you're weird and won't eat it off the bone. Phoebe used to do that for me. Sigh.

So the weekend started solidly with cocktails at our local hangout...gotta love those Guiness girls! They sure loved us! Todd took Friday off so we went downtown and got our marriage license and did other wedding related stuff (see above), followed by dinner and cartoons. Saturday was Chill Day so we rallied early to set up the new TV and load up on snacks. After The Hangover, I Love You Man, and Helter Skelter, we called it a day. And yesterday we started the mini-kithcen remodel. Purged old stuff, put new stuff away, and got the room ready to paint! Our of all the rooms in the house, this is the biggest project so we might as well tackle it!

Oh, and if anyone recalls my recent babbling rant...God must speak Italian. It appears that the person (if you can call them that) that I loathe most on the planet is finally going to do me (and several others) a favor (without knowing it), or so they claim (not directly to me, of course). I guess sometimes dreams DO come true (even if those dreams aren't really the nicest, most healthy dreams). Farewell!

I'm bailin' out because I hate the race.

La desidero, la sua faccia di dollaro-dente di carlino-nosed, il suo ha esaurito il vagaina, le sue abilità di cura parentale orribili, il suo comportamento egoistico, lei il tatuaggio di farfalla, ed il suo orribile, presto per colpire la roccia vita inferiore MOVEREBBE appena LONTANO GIÀ. Fare tutti che mai ha avuto il dispiacere di riunione lei un favore ed andare la coperta la sua cattiveria sul lato opposto del paese. E non ritorna visitare. Disinfetteremo lo stato una volta lei è andato. Se lei mai ferma per mentire e va appena. Pensa che questo sia minorile? Si. È. Ma l'odio esattamente che molto!

When people in the movies are really riled up about something, they always start flipping out in foreign languages. I think that's what I'm going to do from now on. This blog has been a relatively hostility-free environment since the beginning of last summer. I left anger and nastiness out of that because who wants to remember that junk? Well, in the case of Me vs. Suckos, I do what to remember it. And today I want to remember it in barely translatable Italian.

I want to do the following things. Who's with me?

-Take a foreign language...so I can rant. Maybe something out there. Russian. Hungarian. Polish. Something thick and mysterious. No one is going to mistake me for Italian.

-Go to Coney Island and, on a similar note, learn to throw knives, breathe fire, and sword swallow. In a tight and tacky outfit. And in that order.

-Start a zombie themed go-go dancing troupe. Not saying PFG aren't returning. I just want to do something creepier. I need to be prepared in case Demented Are Go ever show up.

-Hit Chicago and ride the ferris wheel at Navy Pier, have a beer at the bar where Tom & Carol met, eat a deep dish pizza, and see the location of the original Playboy Mansion.

-Three words: SAUCY PUPPET SHOW!

-Plan a roadtrip that spanning several states to see oddities: Mutter Museum, Salem Mass, Museum of Circus Sideshow, biggest ball of yarn, WHATEVER. Music, junk food, cruising, photos.

-Go to various amusement parks in the country and ride all of the "spinny" rides and possibly some of the cheesier rollercoasters.

-Take some sort of adult education workshop...learn how to fence, amateur photography, Japanese cooking, pottery or some other "no skill needed" art class. Anything really.

-Go to Epcot Center at Disney World and have a different alcoholic beverage (and hilarious photo op...especially if people in giant plush costumes are about) at every one of the countries.

-Go to New York and see all the important stuff...Statue of Liberty, Rockefellar Center, Time Square and so on, find a place that serves Presidente and see a show at Otto's.

Come on. That's a PRETTY rad list. I KNOW that someone out there wants to do at least 1 of these things if not more. Sign up! I didn't realize how much travelling I wanted to do. I better start saving my pennies. You know, after making that list, I feel so much calmer and more relaxed. I still feel how I felt at the beginning but I don't think I'll be speaking Italian any more today!

Just like an arrow through my heart.

The comment Little Erin left on my previous post made me smile, throw my head back, and laugh out loud. Thanks Erin, all is right with the world again!

I'm still hatin' on thugs...but at least I have someone like you to hate with!!!!!!

But no beers for you. You're the person I tell stuff I need to remember when I'm drinking. My personal note pad, if you will. Just with much better cleavage than my ACTUAL notepad.

Sincerely,
Barry (Sagittarius)

P.S. I hate the Ohio State Buckeyes. The post wasn't about them, though.

I got mine but I want more.

***awhile after posting this...yep...still riled***

I think the bitch in me is tearing its way out today. I feel like taking my boney finger and violently poking someone in the chest repeatedly...while getting centimeters away from their face while I let all the bitchiness flow out of my mouth. Why on the planet Earth do certain people think they can do whatever the bejesus they want? Why do certain people just assume they're entitled to get away with murder and be forgiven for everything? Wait. Wait. I take that back. They don't think they deserve to be forgiven because they never think they do anything WRONG. How could they? Something in their life has caused them to just be able to do whatever whenever, poor babies.

Today...I feel like taking all those people down.

By whatever means necessary.

This particular brand of people that are making me seeth...ugh. Miserable. If it hurts every time you hit yourself in the face with a hammer...STOP HITTING YOURSELF IN THE FACE WITH A HAMMER. You can't boo hoo over something one minute and then turn around and praise that very same thing. PICK A SIDE! There is officially a line in the sand. If you're going to kiss ass and grovel at the foot of something miserable, you have no right to be shocked when that very same something shits on you. And you CERTAINLY shouldn't expect people to have any respect for you or good feelings towards you when you're just totally backwards,

I know. I skulked at the foot of something awful for YEARS.

I'm just pumped full of hate-n-loathing. I'm sick of the nice, cool, decent people out there getting treated like jokes, like GARBAGE, while the horrible, heinous leeches out there coast through life. I've said it before...it doesn't pay to be nice! It doesn't pay to be helpful or kind or forgiving! It just makes you a welcome mat that reads WALK ALL THE FUCK OVER ME! I LIKE IT! Maybe I'll feel differently in a few days but I doubt it. When I HATE something/someone, I almost NEVER change my stanse. And I'm not going to play nice with someone.something I hate for the sake of anyone else. I'm going to be the only one in my coffin so I'm really the only one I need to make happy.

I am seriously on fire. I wish I could give more details but I can't. Like I said, there's a certain brand of person on my shit list. I, personally, will not be a doormat anymore for anyone. I will not be as forgiving as I once was. I will no longer turn my head or shrug things off. And I won't be handing out respect as willy-nilly as I once did. You think you don't have to earn it? You do. If anyone out there is as enraged as I am that sucky people do sucky things and lead sucky lives and just expect to be taken care of and praised by the normal, average, day-to-day, non-sucko people out there because for WHATEVER REASON they are just so AWESOME...

I want to buy you a beer. And a shot of bubblegum vodka. So call me. Text me. Send a carrier pigeon. Because I want to drink with YOU.

This rant has been brought to you by the letters Y, M and the number 8.

Freezing cold penguins say, "F-f-f-f-f-f-fuck OFF!"

Our black hearts worn on our sleeves!

"The Weekend Of Me" is over. Which means the art show opening is over and the wedding shower is over. Huge, unfathomable weights have been lifted off my shoulders. But now what??? Painting has taken up every free moment of my life for the past few months! And the wedding shower was the last big thing before the ACTUAL big thing! Dare I say...because Todd suggested it...that I might actually get BORED??? I think I could handle a little boredom for a while. We already have a solid Chill Day planned. A whole day being total sloths with our brains turned off. I think I can handle that. I KNOW I can!!!

Pictures of your mama taken by your papa.

So the opening night party for "Cannibalicious!" was a smashing success. A ton of people...friends, family, strangers, weirdos...all came out and had a rad time. I want to thank everyone for their support. I bet you want to thank me for being done with it so you don't have to HEAR about it anymore. I sold WAAAAAY more than I thought I would and the show runs for a few more weeks. Pop in there if you can. Man...a Saturday without painting. I don't know what to do with myself! Anyway, instead of blathering about the entire night I figured I'd just post some of my favorite snapshots. Enjoy...and thanks again!

Waiting for 7:00 to roll around.

Wall #1.

Wall #2.

Table of itty bitty cash-n-carry paintings & easels.

Us...in the gallery living room.

Besties for life.

Pure awesomeness.

My future in-laws...totally rad.

Me, John Jackson & Tommy Bones livin' it up.

Creating the "Boob Pentagram".

The Amazing Mays...and me.

Tom as "Strongman" minus unitard and moustache.

Fiancee & Maid-Of-Honor.

Gallery bar antics.

Texas Pete, DAB & Sugar out front.

Mr. & Mrs. Firecracker.

As a matter of fact, you're on the right track.

So WHOSE show got a rad blurb in the arts section of Scene Magazine? And what SAME show got a mention in Cool Cleveland? Yep. MY SHOW! And it was one of only three shows that got blurbs so I'm pretty super psyched...while also increasingly nervous. I hope people realize that I am NOT an "artist". I'm sloppy. I leave pencil marks. My hand shakes. I paint crooked. If I run out of one color, I'll use another brand. I'm not trained. I'm not a professional! I'm so worried that all these regulars will show up and think I'm a fraud. I was already told I'd be put on the spot by people who like to talk to the "artist", which I am NOT! I paint things that make me LAUGH. If they don't make me LAUGH, they'll probably have a lower price tag.

Speaking of price tags...

Pricing my work is one thing that freaks me out. Sure, some of these things took me MANY hours on top of blood, sweat, and tears. And SURE, most of them are QUITE large. But do I deserve $100 or $75 for some of them? For a riled up piece of bacon holding weaponry? Dave from Low Life seems to think so! I think I was just thinking too little of myself and what I've done. I worked hard...and I could use some scratch. So I need to rethink my pricing methods and give myself a little credit. This will most likely be my ONLY art show. I want to make the most of it. Ugh...and naming them? I better not have any babies or they might not be named for weeks. That's another story.

Todd and I have a feeling that a lot of people will be there. Dave does, too. And it was fun to hang the art with him because he's as super psyched as Todd and I are. How could you NOT be super psyched about a show that has ZERO elements of seriousness? It is the epitome of LOW BROW! I mean, "Angry Breakfast" and a topless Snow White? Mix that with wine, beer, Good-n-Fruitys, a punk rock DJ, and The coolest one-woman band EVER...I see nothing but good times in our future. And our future is TOMORROW! From 7:00 - 11:00 at Low Life, a block or so over from the Beachland!

And while I have this opportunity...I ALWAYS have this opportunity since this is MY blog...I want to thank some people. I want to thank Dave for taking a chance on "Cannibalicious!" and being so super psyched. Thanks to Phoebe because without her, nonw of this would have been possible. She says she just introduced Dave to my shtuff, but I never would have/could have done this without her. Thanks to Carol for being NOTHING but encouraging and for offering up her rockin' services for the night. And the MOST thanks to Todd for buying supplies, washing brushes, making sure I was fed and watered, for hanging paintings, giving me hand massages and constructive criticism, and for telling me all last night how proud he is. That's pretty damn cool if I do say so myself.

And thanks in advance to everyone for SHOWING UP.

*wink*

My stomach drops and my guts churn.

"Little Pink Houses" by John Cougar Mellancamp is one of the worst songs ever written. The lyrics to "Every Shitty Thing" by Murder City Devils blow my mind. "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" by The Smiths still shakes me at my core. "Surf Wax America" by Weezer is totally under rated. And this has been your musical education for the day.

I painted (my version of) a portrait of Alejandro Murder (he'll never be Alex to me again) yesterday over the lyrics to "Midnight Picture Show" by Teen Idols last night. It's black on gray with a flat black frame. It's simple and maybe it doesn't even look like him...but it's one of my favorite things that I've done. I absolutely love it. Tonight, even though I'm just supposed to be doing touch ups and painting edges, I'm going to try and to do more portraits over lyrics. I probably shouldn't push myself to do anything else new...but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't flipping my lid and sweating bullets until the last second.

I feel pretty solid about the show. I was nervous, and I'm sure I will be nervous when all the attention is turned to me, but right now I feel solid. A lot of people have told me they're coming and a lot of people have said there is something they want to buy. I can't wait to see people duke it out for "Angry Breakfast". Makes me wish I had done emotional dinners and lunches. I guess I always could...why am I biting off more than I can chew!? Anyway, Dave from Low Life got a DJ for the event so we have jams before and after Miss Firecracker. I hope to see a lot of familiar faces there. Even if you don't buy anything...it's better than wasting away in a bar somewhere. Am I right? You know I am. Get a little culture...even if this culture involved severed heads and naked ladies. MY kind of culture.

By Sunday evening, I'll be the proud ownder of a Margarita machine!

I'm still having weird dreams. Not about the wedding anymore. Now that the invites have gone out (we already received a TON of RSVPs...where is yours, Phoebe???), I'm pretty mellow regarding the wedding. Just anxious for it to get here. My dreams have just been so odd, and really realistic. I'm always pretty shocked when I wake up. And in some cases, I'm really HAPPY when I wake up and find that things are as they should be and NOT how they were in the vivid dreams. Regardless...I slept really well this weekend. Better than I have in months. But if good sleeping leads to weird and realistic dreams...I don't know that I want that.

I do know that I want hand massages before bed. Rock.

Lord knows this would be the first time.

I'm watching "Steel Magnolias" while I research creepy Bible versus online to serve as a backdrop for my portrait of Alex Murder. The weather is beautiful, the beer is cold, the dog is chill. The knot in my chest has disappeard without any crying, Edward Cullen is on the cover of my magazine, and I think I want to start a saucy puppet show with anyone willing to make a fool of themselves. A huge stack of RSVPs came, I am for sure going to apply to nursing school in the spring, I'm starting the "Stop Phoebe From Moving" campaign.

I'm wearing paint splattered overalls.

I'm translating things into Spanish and Hungarian.

I'm 6'2" and UNSTOPPABALE!