Sometimes I think that you're avoiding me.

I'll be 29 in one week. Amazing. Usually I start the birthday countdown like one month in advance because I love my birthday so much. And I'm pretty excited for 29. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to be doing on the big day...Bill had his kids and I have no plans besides taking a Intro to Sonography exam. I know that on Friday I'm going to have Japanese food (num num num) with some close pallies and then major cocktails with a larger group of close pallies (don't worry...I'll spread the where-n-when info later and if you can't make it, there's always my big shindiggity at The Sac in a few weeks!!). I'm probably not as wrapped up in my birthday this year since I left my place of emplyment after 3 years. It's sad. I met Bill there. Our life together started there. But it was a toxic place and now we're free. AND I've been HELLA sick so...I've had other things on my mind besides my birth. I've gotta get into my usual spirit of things. After all, it's my last year of being in my twenties!!!

And in case you haven't been keeping up with your daily My Space in take, here is the step-by-step, lo-fi low-down on what's been shaking with me health wise. You already know what happened after my FIRST trip to the medical chop-shop so I'll take you from what they changed my diagnosis to after my SECOND ER trip, and what is ACTUALLY wrong with me according to a lovely doctor who works in a fancy schmancy office building. I will tell you that as of now, I'm on a boring diet that has made me drop weight but has made me so weak, I throw up after car rides. It's rough, but I'm surviving. Enjoy my recent medicial history!

Sunday: My second trip to the ER (co-starring Johnny).

I spent a great portion of yesterday back in the Emergency Room. I chugged some banana Barium and I had a cat scan of my belly, the stole more of my blood and they pumped me full of fluids. Johnny was good company. The multiple hours we were there just flewwwwwwww by. Only three cool things happened while I was in my little hospital gown being poked and prodded:

1. The Cavs beat The Lakers.
2. There was blood and Johnny had to turn his head.
3. I left with painkillers.

The bad news? I don't think anyone knows what's wrong with me. Johnny said they were probably typing my symptoms into Web MD and not coming up with anything satisfying. Colitis, Gastritis, and some strain of Flu type A that is accompanied with horrific abdominal pain and is going around were all terms thrown on the table. My discharge papers said Gastritis. They're clueless. I saw so many doctors, nurses, dudes in scrubs that do some hospital job I'm not awre of.

And no one wore GLOVES! I was bleeding all over the damn place and NO GLOVES! Now my blood is clean and they know that since they're been sucking it out of me since Thursday but what about THEIR BLOOD!?!? Ick.

So as of now, I'm just supposed to let it...whatever it is...run it's course. Take my meds and rest, enjoy my liquid diet. I wonder if Pizza Hut could blend me up a pizza. Hmmmm.

Yesterday: My trip to see my new doctor (and she's AWESOME!).

I just have some abdominally crippingling and mind numblingly horrific virus. It's going around or so says my new doctor. She rocks, by the way. It's basically all bare bones: I have a terrible virus and my guts are having a hard time bouncing back from it. I'm probably trying to do too much too fast (like yesterday when I went to work to clean out my office and puked right when I walked in...I thought that was emotionally vomit). I threw up again at Bill's after I got home from the doctors. I'm just car sick from being weak and horizontal for so long and then trying to be up and out and about. If you can call being at the doctors "out and about".

Basically, I'm on the BRAT diet until a week from Monday (though I'm taking a sabatical for Japanese birthday food next weekend!!!). If you don't know, like I didn't, the BRAT diet is bananas, rice, applesauce and toast...in very, very tiny amounts. I can also keep partaking in the liquid diet. Anything see-through which includes but is not limited to Jell-O, ginger ale, broth. Boring. Yet slimming! Coupled with my yawner of a food selection, I have to get as much sleep as possible. I have to rest until I feel top notch. Score. So there you have it folks. I'm a dietary bore but eventually, I'll bounce back. Thanks for everyone's well-wishes and concerns. You're all aces in my book.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!

How did it end up like this?

I would love to tell all of y'all about the massive amount of fun Wigging Out at The Sac with The Pussyfoot Girls was. It was incredibly core shaking that we could fit so much fun into one night. I am in love with The Sac and what we're doing there. I wish it was time to go back already but alas, we need time to prepare. We're getting a lot of press recently. The Plain Dealer shot a video that appears on their blog and an electronic and print article from the PD comes out next week. They had nothing but positive things to say about the fun we're having. We're making new friends and contacts and building a pretty large fan base. It feels good. Good stuff.

You want to know what's NOT good stuff???

COLITIS AT AGE 28!!!

Basically, Colitis is a swelling of the colon tissue. It feels exactly like when my appendix burts and it's accompanied by all sorts of unattractive symptoms that for some reason just WON'T GO AWAY! I'm on 5 pills a day for 10 days and I'm as miserable as can be. The emergency room doc told me that if I don't feel better in 3 days to come back and I have a feeling that's where I'm headed tomorrow. All I've been doing is trying to sleep the days away once I get into a position that is comfortable enough for me to deal with the pain. The thing that's really razzing me is that I've been saying for weeks and weeks that I've had a stomache ache and haven't felt well and everyone's blown me off. It's very lonely to be sick.

Thursday at work I was in tears because the pain had become so intense. Bill picked me up from work and hauled me off to the hospital. There was an IV, IV medication, oral medication, blood work, urine samples and on and on. It was miserable. I was dizzy and freezing and just plain slug. They said the word colonoscopy (and endoscopy) and I was ready to run. I fear that's what will happen to me if I go back tomorrow. Frown. Oh fucking frown. Thursday night I stayed at Bill's and he was an excellent nurse. I slept almost the entire time I was there (and I slept over 14 hours last night and I'm STILL exhausted) but he pampered me with juice and lotto tickets and candy...eventhough I'm on a liquid diet. He made sure I had everything I needed and is making plenty of check up phone calls now that I'm home (I COULD have stayed there but when your intestines are in knots, you want your own bed, your own blankets, your own toilet). But I'm miserable over all.

Things aren't going so swimmingly at work and this is not the time to be physically struggling. I'm experiencing major discomfort and there's no one to help out at work because we're existing on a skeleton crew. I fear what I'll find there after missing 2 days in a row. That adds to my nerves. And school! I missed an entire day of school which just CAN'T happen...especially when one class only meets once a week. My heart is pumping too fast. And all I want to do is sleep and whimper.

So that's the story. As of right now, my pain fluxuates between a 7 and an 8. If I still feel rotten tomorrow, it's back to the ER to get sliced and diced. I'm hungry, I'm sore, I'm a little lonely, sort of bored, and my muscles are starting to ache from just being still and cold. Time for my scheduled 5 minute cry.

Don't forget about me in misery.

I won't apologize for acting out of line.

Before I start blathering about how I'm going berzerk after my first day of spring semester last night, let me just spew a few things in your grill. Carol's party was fun while I was physically and mentally in attendance. I spent so much time prepping that I didn't schedule a whole lot of sleeping or eating. Filling up my emptiness with alcohol was not wise. I retired early (by my own choice...I knew I was too drunk, I knew tossing was in my future, and I quit before I got stupid) and spilled my guts, literally. But I didn't miss the best part of th ebirthday celebration which was recuperation Sunday! I spent the day with close pals...we snacked, watched movies, napped, dished. It was great. It was what I needed. I could have done without the black eye and bubble guts but still. Balls out. If you know, you know.

Now the nightmare begins!

Spring semester started yesterday. I was jazzed and prepared. I was/am determined to kick-ass left and right, even if I am taking 6 classes. And I was totally into my Patient Care Skills class. It's the first time I've been in such an intimate setting...only 10 students. We learned hand washing techniques which was actually quite nasty. Glow-in-the dark germs...that's all I'm saying. No, wait. I need to add CREEPY! Still feeling good about things until we all start chatting with the instructor and I learn the following things (things responsible for my impending freakout):

1. The Physical Concepts class is going to be a nightmare and I have that class tonight. The failure rate is high and it's a pre-req. I was planning to kick-ass but now I have to REALLY kick it and risk some bangs and bruises. I'm scared. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

2. The program is full for 2008. They only take as many people as they have clinical spots for. I can't wait until 2009. I can't put my life on hold for that long. I'll feel defeated. I'll lose momentum. Sadly, I'm counting on people to fail the Physics so spots open up. I'm trying to stay optimistic.

3. 1 out of 5 Sonographers will sustain a career-ending injury. Ugh. Why am I doing this? Am I setting myself up to be damaged? 1 out of 5? That ratio means that 2 people in my Patient Care Skills class with sustain a career-ending injury. And I'm already clutzy! I'm doomed! Dooooooomed!

4. We were told that once we enter the program, we might as well plan on NOT having a life. Any free time should be spent studying, reviewing, learning. There's so much to take in and if you want to pass the registry test, you have to know it all. I don't want to be a person that has to take the exam twice. I want those letters after my name! The FIRST time I take the exam. So how do I balance all this learning/studying I have to do with working, Pussyfooting, relationshipping, and basic chillaxing?!?!? I can multi-task but DAMN!

So there you have it. It's barely half way through January and I'm trying to find a way to live up to 4 or 5 of my New Year's resolutions! I know this is a temporary freakout but I'm feeling rundown. I can't go into a really important semester feeling off-center and weak. I need to shape up despite the terror that has been instilled regarding Physics. I just need to buck up.

I hope I don't cry at school tonight!

They try to kick it. Their feet fall asleep.

I started rambling on and on about how excited I am for the party taking place at my house on Saturday. A majority of my ramble-n-blather revolved around how I could just orgasm over my newly sexified, partified, adrenaline-enducing basement (or "Boom Boom Room" as Ricky tastelessly dubbed it). But nothing I can put in to words can describe how much potential this par-tay has. And nothing short of being there can fill you up the way my basement can. It's just that powerful. It's like a hot pink, alcohol-filled, twinkle light-lit penis. Which is an image that both enthralls and terrifies me.

So many people will be there that I want to hug and rock with that I don't know how I will divide my time approproately. It's giving me some sort of brain pains. First off, Rocko-n-Roll is coming. I haven't seen him since Heavy Rebel and that should be some sort of crime. In fact, I'm going to petition to have the laws changed so it IS a crime that we both suffer for. There's no excuse for not hanging when he only lives in a neighboring state! And then there's Little Jenny Penney. I miss her so much that I could puke and die. It took awhile for me to accept that she really wasn't a Pussyfoot Girl anymore. That was my scheduled time with her! I got a weekly fix and she took it away. I'm still detoxing. I promised I would rape her the second she walked through the door. And I will. Emotionally.

And then there's the birthday girl...Carol Shoe-Lane. There aren't enough hours in the day for me to explain how kick-ass she is. And she's going to be 42! And I'm going to celebrate harder than anyone. And I'll probably pay for it harder than anyone, too! It will be worth it. We're starting our weekend early with a Chick Ditch Day! No work for either of us. We're going to see Juno, eat at Antonio's, but wigs for the next PFG show, and do any last minute party prep. I can't think of a better Friday. Unless it involved a hot pink, alcohol-filled, twinkle light-lit penis.

Wow. I thought I didn't have enough to rattle on about but hot dog damn, I've gone above and beyond and for way to long. I had plans to talk about my new microwave with it's soften setting and then there was a whole speech about UGG boots and my skin-tight dark blue jeans that Bill says look painted on (Levi's 501 paint! A dude I work with said that about my tight jeans a few years back and I still love it's visual symbolism). But I'll talk about those things another day! There's work to do. And parties to plan.

See all of y'all Monday if I don't see you Saturday! I love 2008.

Time, time ticking on me.

HAPPY 2008, you silly bastards! I'm already loving this year.

Now, as promised, I am going to blog your brains out this year. I slacked hardcore in 2007 but that's probably because it sucked Wolfman's nards. I'm so over 2007. I'm not saying that there weren't good parts. There were amazing parts. Heavy Rebel, Las Vegas, lots of races, lots of movies, lots of laughs. And lots of Japanese food!! But overall, 2007 was like one long and messy menstrual period. I should have seen that coming when I checked myself out of the hospital against medical advice just so I could have a party that was ruined by idiots and burst pipes. 2007 started with a toilet full of drunk people's hopes and dreams and I happily flushed them!

So here's to 2008 which is going swimmingly thus far but I don't want to jinx it. All I know is that my master plan is to wrap 2008 up saying that it was a mighty fine year. One for the record books, indeed. And I hope all y'all are with me in trying to make this leap year a winner. I'm too old for drama but not too old to radiate fun from every orifice. A lot of people didn't make New Year's Resolutions this year but I did. I made 10. 10 that are nice and tidy and hard to screw up and I plan to stick with them. Keeping them in mind will make my year even more hardcore rad. I really think y'all should stop being silly and make a resolution or two. Look at them as motivation to be awesome!

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION TOP 10

1. Kick major ass in schooly - I'm taking 6 classes (Intro to Sonography, Physical Concepts in DMS, Applied Algebra and Math Reasoning, Human Biology, Bioethics II, Patient Care Skills) and I'm still in the Honors Program. I want straight As. I want to blow minds! I want to eat your brain and grain your knowledge!

2. Avoid drama and dramaholics - This worked out well in 2007.

3. Invest as much time as possible in Shark Attack! Records and promoting HO59 - Shark Attack! Records has been a long time coming. I haven't been able to do as much as I've wanted because of school and finals being scheduled at the same time as the CD arrival. But I'm dedicated to kicking ass for the lable. I need to finish the website and then get as many Horror of 59 CDs out there as possible. It' a major goal.

4. Learn how to play my guitar and accordion - The guitar was an awesome gift and the accordion was the best thing I got out of the divorce. I told Tom that by year's end, our accordion band will play 3 songs and I plan to write 2 originals on my house-warming guitar. They'll probably be filthy or dumb.

5. Be as involved as possible with the PFG and Jump In The Sac - They both give me a reason to be scantilly clad and party. I owe them.

6. Get a new and more fulfilling jobby job - Working out the kinks in the ol' resume and hitting the dusty new job trail. I can't cry on my way to work. It's unbecoming and I refuse to cry because of my JOB! They're paying me big bucks to devastate me! I'm over it. Though I do like my office...

7. Use and abuse all my new workout equipment regularly - So far, so good. The bike is the best thing that's every happen to me. The new HUGE workout center thing-a-ma-bob that makes Curves useless to me hasn't arrived yet but when it does...hot cha cha! I'm planing on wearing really tiny shorts every day at Heavy Rebel. And tube socks. I'm getting crazy in 2008! Anyway, so far, I'm back to getting toned and I've dropped bread and soda so I'm on my way! I like to be foxy.

8. STRESS LESS - Plain and simple.

9. GET NAKED MORE - *blush*

10. Give everyone second chances and the benefit of the doubt - I'm followng one of those commandment thingies. I don't want people to judge me, especially people who don't know me very well. So I'm giving others the same courtesy. And people who have pooed on me in the past...well...I'm giving everyone a clean slate in 2008. The past is the past the the future looks bright ahead.

Good times! See you soooon!