Tuesday, September 25, 2007

You remember me. I have been here always.

I saw a shirt with a man pushing a lawn moved that said, "I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself". I didn't buy it but I did appreciate it. Not because I am or ever was a cutter because I am not and never was. It's because I am a sucker for a novelty t-shirt!

Right now, I owe the very fine threads of sanity I am hanging on by to my 4 very bestest pals in the whole universe. That sounded very My Little Pony or Care Bears-esque but I can deal with it. Without them, shucks, who knows where I'd be? Probably all gothed out, listening to AFI's new emo-centric album...or maybe some cry-baby, shoe-gazer jams. I'd probably be just laying on the couch counting my bed sores. But I'm not sulking anymore. I'm doing my best to live it up. I only get one life as far as I know. I want to sleep comfortably in my coffin.

Enjoy these love notes and then vomit all over at your leisure.

Dear Johnny Switchblade,

I have no one to thank more than you so I'm putting you on top. I figured you'd get feisty if I didn't. Thanks for being so k-rad. Thanks for stuffing your face full of Japanese food (and various other foods) with me. Thanks (in advance) for coming over for "Knocked Up/Take Out" night (and various other food and movie functions). Thanks for the oodles of goofy text messages and constant wit slinging. Thanks for forcing me to listen to "Don't Look Back In Anger" twice in one evening. Thanks for the muffin joke...and other bouts of side-splitting hilarity. Thanks for ripping ass a little less and being a fraction less gay. You're my favorite accessory.

See you in Portland.

Deborah Huffington-Straussmeyer
Dear Carol High Hair,

This past weekend was pretty much just what I needed to back up my ass onto the right track again. The show was swell but Friday (post-hangover) was better and this weekend might even top it all off...like that cupcake frosting we orgasmed over. You let me babble my hungover head off all the way to Pittsburgh and I needed it. Everything I do is a little bit more fun if you're there. Even my roasted tomato soup tasted better in your presence! Yeah, Friday was pretty much an ideal day. I slept well that night. I owe it all to you. My chest, despite my big jugs, felt lighter after you let me unload.

Where have you been all my life?

"Wah Wah!" for eternity,
Patricia Cake
Dear Queen B,

I should have tied a rope around your leg to keep you from high-tailing it to C-Bus. Why!? Why didn't I try just a little harder!? Regardless, I'm sure you already know this due to many nights of me losing my mind and faculties in your presence, but I owe my life to you. I wouldn't have survived 3/4 of the things I did without your help and unfailing friendship. Hell, I owe you a house in the Hamptons just for making me eat and brush my hair after that whole silly divorce nonsence! You are the person I wish I could be more like (without eating all that funky food...and there's that whole "hippie" thing). I can't wait to see you on Saturday!

Thanks for being my life-preserver.

Dear Puffin,

You are without a doubt the biggest pain in my can. I constantly want to kick you in the shins. But I've never been as "in" a relationship as I am with this one. All the little (good) things add up to erase all the can pains and shin kicking. You've really been there for me in recent weeks (besides that one messy incident...jerk) and I apprecaite that so much. I appreciate the post-school dinners and shark pops, most. And you've put up with me being a total crabby pants (and have snapped out of it quickly when you had your crabby pants on). I know we both have a lot going on so it's hard to step back and put the other person first. Thanks for stepping back recently. I promise I'll make it up to you (get your mind out of the gutter, pervert).

I should probably thank Phoebe for helping me find you. Note to self.

I love you,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love you too. sourpuss.... I cant wait also IS IT SAT YET???? by they way you eat many many more funky foods now than when I first met you.. and dont sneeze or I may turn into an uber conservative republican before your eyes.. LONG LIVE THE HIPPIE FREAKS...