Sunday, February 10, 2008

I know it's disgusting, believing and trusting.

There is always a moment when you think, "Things can't get any worse. There is nothing else that can happen that can make my current situation any more difficult". And you look at that like it's a plus. If you think that you're at the bottom already, the only place you can go is up. But then something DOES happen to make your situation worse. You didn't think it was possible but what do you know anyway? I've been down. I've been having a hard time recently emotionally, physically, what have you. And I've always heard (in movies or from religion buffs) that God never gives you more than you can handle at a given time. Well, I hope God thinks I'm Wonder Woman because I've got just about all I can take. I know that I am at the end of my rope. I also know that I am just about to the point where things are going to stop shocking me. I'm going to accept feeling bad as feeling normal. Then what happens to me?

I wish I could talk about what's going on, what happened yesterday. But it's too new. Too fresh. I need to let it all sink in. All I'll say is that I heard a lot of things about myself that just hurt. There's no fancy word to describe it all. It just hurt. And everything that was said was said to be mean. There was nothing about it. And hearing all these God-awful things from someone who supposedly loves you...someone you KNOW you've been good's just unbeliveable. And I know there's people out there who might be really overjoyed to know that I'm hurting. Well, here you go. I'm hurting...and at the worst time possible. Enjoy. It just all blows my mind. Nothing...and I mean different about me. I am the same person I've always been, weird quirks and all. I have not changed since day one and I won't change because I don't think anything is wrong with me. Or I didn't until I got a long list of all the things that are wrong with me. Like I didn't have a list of things to worry about already.

Somewhere in the midst of all of this garbage, I turned 29. Great.

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