Monday, May 21, 2007

But my head's to the wall and I'm lonely.

I just feel like the most awful, rotten version of myself today. I feel like complete fucking garbage. That wasn't even an interesting description but it's true. I feel like a kicked dog. I've only been at work for half an hour and I've been fighting back tears the whole time which pretty much makes me want to just get in my car and never come back here. No two weeks notice. No packing up my rubber duck collection. Just walking out on everything and everybody. It's pathetic, I know. I feel very pathetic today and whiney today and I honestly wish today was over so I could just crawl in bed and hide. That's what I'm good at. Groveling and begging and hiding.

I'm having one of those very pitiful moments in my life where I feel like I can't do anything right no matter how hard I try. I feel like I'm always doing something wrong and that I'm feeling shitty and depressed more often than I'm feeling great and having fun. It shouldn't be this way. I shouldn't have to work so hard and kiss so much ass to keep things good. I shouldn't have to fight back tears all of the time and certainly shouldn't have to feel shame. I'm honestly starting to hate myself. I guess that gives me something in common with all those people out there who hate me, too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you too?!? man i feel shitty lately. it's the worst because then i have people saying, "i just want you to stop being sad!" and i don't even know why i am or how to fix it. get well soon.