Everybody's going off the deep end.

Once again, I need a weekend from my weekend! Estuvo loco!

Friday night...usually my favorite night of the week cause a bitch can unwind...was chaotic and paved the way for the craziness ahead indeed. Friday could have really set the tone for an awful and awfully long weekend but things can shock you from time to time. Friday...what to say about it really?

After a really screwy and mind-numbing work-realted fuck up, Sharon and I had girls night (while our boys built a fence like manly men) and really painted the town blood red. Bars, it's what we're good at. And rocking out to Miss Firecracker, we're good at that, too. Somewhere in all the insanity, there was a pole...and that's all I'm saying about that right there. And while I didn't think I had a lot to drink (in fact, I know I didn't have much at all but I also didn't have any chow), I supposedly turned into a jerkwad. But I can honestly say the jerkwad who dubbed me a jerkwad was also being a jerkwad. The jerkiness was contagious. After a night sleeping on different levels of the digs...things were gravy.

Saturday was...Saturday. Not a let down but not a thrill aminute. I thought I was poisoned earlier in the day but that passed. I kept declaring that I wanted my heart to stop beating but I really just needed it to slow the fuck down! My hatred for Home Depot and earthworms grew ever steadily but I stuck my hands in the muck and got a little dirty beautifying Bill's yard. It was satisfying as I used a shovel and handled mulch and did landscape design. I didn't sweat but it was still good stuff. I feel asleep early (I usually do when Bill's grilled chicken is involved...he's helping me in my weight loss/healthier life style plan) but that was a good deal because Sunday...whew!

Sunday, The Pussyfoot Girls piled in to two cars and high-tailed it to Pittsburgh for the Sacred Pistons Car Club's annual picnic. I had reservations but man...BLAST CITY! Everyone we met was gr-r-r-r-reat and friendly and we certainly made some new fans. We got some fat cash for performing (and our set was quite a delight...in my top 5 list, for sure...when you're not sure you'll ever seen people again, you can really go buck wild), sold a bunch of merch (thanks to Jen, her tight shirt, and her peddling ways), and just really rocked out, Memorial Day style! Our new songs went off without a hitch and I even pulled off a back bend while getting wrenched on by a hot broad. And then there was me, Karen (my future roomie) and some rowdy antics in a really old car full of liquor bottles that didn't belong to us. But that's not so PG-13! There are photos, mercy me!

And yesterday was a slice of Americana. A home-prepared rib dinner, movies, major napping, and never getting out of our pajamas...not once. Like I said, Friday could have opened the door for a really long weekend alone. But going to bed together on Sunday night, chatting up what a swell weekend we had was far superior. I like not sweating the small stuff. Like is good...and the summer is going to make it even better! Checkout the countdown, my babies:

3 hours until I can work out!
11 days until the Poconos!
18 days until Tessa's birthday jam and Jen's housewarming!
38 days until Heavy Rebel!
45 days until Leroy Thompson!
52 days until Dragway 42!
59 days until Indianapolis!
83 days until Miami, Key West, y Cozumel!

I'll try to do it right this time around.

To my ever-present mood monitores...I feel better today. MUCH better, honestly. It seems to come and go in waves and when it's bad, you sink. I hate feeling blue and I hate crying about it and I hate crying period! And E, while I'm NOT glad that you are are feeling the same waves also, I AM glad that someone else out there knows how I feel and isn't being judgey. And I feel better today so maybe that will give you solace. I got some solace of my own reading how you were feeling and sensing some, dare I say, "don't-give-a-Fuck"-ish-ness! It made me also not give a flip. And now I feel better. I feel like James Brown. I'll blame the *insert emo band here* attitude on my period or something else cliche.

But fo' real, I have so much rockin' stuff coming up and boatloads of good pals that keep me sane and a boyfriend who is crazy but loves me. Pussyfoot has been kicking ass and taking names (cliche cliche), working out is my new favorite thing to do and I'm already seeing and feeling some rockin' results, our cruise to Mexico was booked yesterday (!!!)...there's just so much good stuff. Why be blue? Why feel terrible and not sleep and not eat and have a permanently wrinkled forehead when you can laugh until your sides split and flirt and dance and have cocktails and feel accomplished and proud? I'm over this moody bullshit. I'm over people and the stupid shit they say to make themselves feel better. If being retarded helps you sleep at night, I'm all for it! I'm going to be inappropriate with my boyfriend in my cubicle instead of worrying about people and their hang-ups...or worrying period! Did you throw up just then? I bet you did and I'm lovin' it!!!

On a less vile note, CONGRATULATIONS Brian Daniel Leo! You're an adult member of the Catholic church now. And you know what comes with this besides super sugary cake with a cross on it and oodles of checks from family members? Catholic guilt, baby. Live it, love it, and keep on rockin' out to Slayer! Blood, guts, and gore will feed your soul far more than that little wafer. But honestly, Jesus rocks, too. You just need to find your own way to balance it.

Amen.

But my head's to the wall and I'm lonely.

I just feel like the most awful, rotten version of myself today. I feel like complete fucking garbage. That wasn't even an interesting description but it's true. I feel like a kicked dog. I've only been at work for half an hour and I've been fighting back tears the whole time which pretty much makes me want to just get in my car and never come back here. No two weeks notice. No packing up my rubber duck collection. Just walking out on everything and everybody. It's pathetic, I know. I feel very pathetic today and whiney today and I honestly wish today was over so I could just crawl in bed and hide. That's what I'm good at. Groveling and begging and hiding.

I'm having one of those very pitiful moments in my life where I feel like I can't do anything right no matter how hard I try. I feel like I'm always doing something wrong and that I'm feeling shitty and depressed more often than I'm feeling great and having fun. It shouldn't be this way. I shouldn't have to work so hard and kiss so much ass to keep things good. I shouldn't have to fight back tears all of the time and certainly shouldn't have to feel shame. I'm honestly starting to hate myself. I guess that gives me something in common with all those people out there who hate me, too.

And you want the day to come sooner.

I had to go to calling hours for an 18 year old boy and it was incredibly difficult. I would have stayed home in a second if someone told me it was alright. I was all full of nerves on the drive and Bill wasn't any better so comforting one another was out. We did look sharp though. We always look sharp for funerals. It's kind of sick. Regardless, one of my drivers lost a son and it was very emotional and very quiet so OF COURSE I wore the world's loudest shoes! I was a walking wreck. Luckily, I only cried a little. Paid my respects and was on my way. I feel terrible for my guy though...I can't even imagine what going through something like that would feel like. I don't want to think about it. He's in my prayers and I hope he's alright. I told him I was there for whatever he needed so I guess that's all I can really do. Still...boo.

To make things even more emo...I went to see Morrissey last night! The pope of mope! He really was amazing though. He translates very well live. He ever rocked some Smith's songs!! Weeee. I went with my sister which was fun and enjoyed one cocktail so I feel relatively alright today. Not as emotionally drained as I thought I would be after one of the most depressed musicians in history rocked out.

There was a lot of eye candy there but as my sister said...it wasn't for me, wink wink. Lots and lots of boys...and they rushed the stage and kissed Morrissey's sweaty neck and were tackled by huge bouncers (which they probably LOVED). He even through out 2 sweaty shirts! Morrissey's backs SWEATS like MAD! Eek, 2 lesbians announced their upcoming articially inseminated baby and Morrissey didn't care just like most of the audience. It's due in January...it BARELY exists! But It was a nice evening despite the lesbians. I like music. I didn't like the opening bitch who made dolphin noises for an hour and had a big band-aid on her knee. She can go die. Regardless...

Highlights:
National Front Disco
Panic
The Queen Is Dead
How Soon Is Now?
Everyday Is Like Sunday
Please, Please, Please
Boy With the Thorn In His Side
At Last I Am Born
First Of the Gang To Die (!!!)
I've Changed My Plea To Guilty (!!!)
Drive-In Saturday
And more...

This weekend will bring some cheer. So far it's not all gloom and doom out the cubicle window. Blue skies, green trees. Bill and I are having a mini-cookout and a fire (after I work out, of course) cause that's what we like to do. I could eat his chicken on the grill and curl up next to him with cocktails in lawn chairs forever. Le sign. Tomorrow we're vegging (after I work out, of course) so our energy is all rallied for Miss Firecracker's One Woman Band! She said I'm totally her groupie and I say it's OK because I don't just follow her around...we eat tacos together also. And Sunday, I'm going to lay low with my fella. Maybe shoot some Yahtzee. Run home, feed my babies, pitch my trash. Then it's right back to where I belong. Yeah...good times.

No one ever said it would be so hard.

Tonight will mark a very important milestone in my life as a television junkie. It's almost too painful to talk about but I'm hoping this will be therapeutic and give my anguished heart some sweet relief. Even now, I feel like my eyes could well up with tears at any second and my chest could puff up with disappointment and disdain. I knew it was coming though I had hoped and hoped and even prayed that those fools at the CW would change their minds...their tiny peanut minds. They didn't.

Tonight is the last episode of Gilmore Girls ever. It's over.

I know it will be a great episode. I know Luke and Lorelai will kiss. I know I will have box sets of all 7 seasons to replay at will. I know that I know more about Gilmore Girls than anyone else on this planet and beyond. But no new episodes? Ever? It just hurts too much. We'll never see a Luke and Lorelai wedding. We'll never see the birth of new Gilmore Girls. We'll see see KIRK! EVER! AGAIN! Sure there are terrible things happening in the world right now that should prove more important and take a higher rank in my mind. But THIS...this is my number one. Cut off my leg and hit me in the face with it. It won't compare to my current woes.

Viva la Gilmore Girls!

Outside of that, I just took a little stroll with my fella to the edge of our work property to measure a sign. It's nice to be out of the office, even for just a few minutes. People honked at us and why not? My ass is looking phat today (and not so fat after I go work out...Sharon and I joined a new program and I plan on being fit and toned by the time we set sail to Meh-hee-co). We found some nice, dry firewood out there that we might use to have a fire on Friday. I think if Bill could have a fire every day, all year round...he would. And I'd be there as long as I have a hoodie and a cocktail!

Nothing to do on Saturday? Well I have somethign for you! Have somethign to do? Cancel! Cause miss Firecracker's One Woman Band is playing at the Beachland Tavern and I'll be right up front, obnoxiously screaming, "DO IT CAROL!". Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival will be there, too. And some other bands, yadda yadda, but this is who I care about. Get down to the Beachland and buy a Miss Firecracker kazoo. And buy a beer for me!

Tell me darling I'm the only one that you love.

My temporary state of death and destruction is done for! I'm back to bouncing off the walls and laughing until my sides split and unleash a pack of robot wolves on the world! Even the robot wolves are feeling frisky and friendly these days, God bless those nasty bastards! Spring is in the air. I need to embrace it and be less riled up. I'm speaking my mind when I must and not sweating the small stuff. I want to have an awesome summer and I can't do that when I'm plotting gruesome murders and beat downs. The only thing that could make life better right now is if I had a Sichuan Mary with no olives!!!

Things That Will/Do Make My Awesome Life More Awesome
1. Natasha is still on America's Next Top Model!
2. Pussyfoot show in Eeeeeeerie, PA tomorrow!
3. All you can eat speghetti at the Villager on Sunday!
4. A gaggle of Miss Firecracker shows to go to!
5. Sacred Pistons car club picnic with the PFG!
6. Visiting Becky's new home!
7. Race in the Poconos!
8. Tessa's birthday party/Jen's housewarming!
9. Heavy Rebel!
10. Leroy Thompson's 4th Annual Rockabilly Deluxe!
11. Rock-n-Race at Dragway 42!
12. Kissing the bricks at the Indianapolis race!
13. Cruise to MEXICO with my Puffin!!!

Lucky 13. Lucky me!

She wanna hit and run.

I'm in a nasty mood. I'm pretty sure I'm going to take someone down with me today and I'm pretty sure I know who it is. I am so infuriated that my skin actually hurts. The skin on my forehead, to be exact. I would love more than anything to punch someone in the face or possibly pick up a folding chair and get them in the back of the skull. Awesome. Today is going to rot.

The SCOTS show was incredible but I don't want to tarnish the glow on this page of filth. I'll brag when I feel sunnier.

Take the easy way and give in!

"They look at danger and they laugh their heads off!" - I think maybe Morrissey was talking about me when he sang this because I've been out and about, wrecking shit and stealing things. Not really, I'm just hyper active and have been as of late. But back to Mo...he actually sang this ditty all upbeat and junk. Imagine that! He must have written it on the one day out of his life that he didn't have sand in his vagina. Bottom line, I love that line. I love that song. I love that sexually confused man and his weird sweaters and big head!

Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with the Pussyfoot Girls!

Big Pussyfoot show on Saturday at the Beachland. PFG, Lords of the Highway, Southern Culture On the Skids! A-maz-ing! I really wanted to wear a wig in honor of Mary Huff but I just don't have the funds to fund a 'do. But I have something better to honor Mary with: Big Sandy gave me a kiss...*blush*...to pass on to her. Maybe she'll be taken aback by a random half dressed stranger smooching on her but...OK, it's really a gift for me! Back to what's important...

This is a pretty big deal showy show for us kittens...I mean, Southern Culture in the BALLROOM with a $16 ticket price??? Hot-cha! Carol wanted to do it so badly so I'm glad it all came together, even if it's just 3 of us. And speaking of Carol...she'll be playing her bass clarinet on a few of SCOTS numbers! YOWZA! And don't be disappointed that we'll be one gal down (I'm not saying if it's the chick with the biggest knockers or not). We're going to be radiating energy and entertainment all over your faces! Wow, am I thinking highly of us? I don't mean to. I just want to pump people up for SCOTS. Break in your dancing shoes, if you will.

By the way, if you missed Los Straitjackets...your loss. Rockin' great!

And for a tidy sum up, the rest of my life has been work, boyfriend, bar, Pussyfoot. All good things. Makes my life all neat and oraganized. Right now I feel a little ill but I'm trying to ignore it and push through. It's hard when it feels like someone is twisting a knife in my guts. Some of you might find that attractice...the thought of me in pain with the potential for some juicy, Jell-o-y gore. You should have seen the gore caused by my finger meeting the hungry teeth of the tape dispenser. Sounds non-critical but MAN...blood EVERYWHERE. Made the work day more special.

VIVA!