It's criminal. There ought to be a law.

It's Christmas Eve and I have the sniffles. Sniffles is a cute word until you associate it with the fact that I've emptied so much snot and goo out of my head that I'm pretty sure it's going to wind up hollow and dry...like a mummy. I pretty much look like a disaster which is fine. The sniffles gives me a great excuse to stay in my pajamas watching Gilmore Girls season 5 and cleaning my digs all day. Sure, this means no family functions for the holidays but I'm kind of a Grinch this year anyway.

They thought my grandma might have had a stroke last night. I was in a porn shop with 4 co-workers at the time. It was suggested that my grandma may have very well had the stroke BECAUSE I was in the porn shop. I didn't buy anything though. That's not true. I bought Spanish Fly but I'll never use it. I'm afraid I'll poison someone and I have enough problems already without poisoning on my hands.

I got a bottle of whiskey and some socks in the gift exchange. My secret Santa ROCKED! And she taught me all about anal beads and how you shouldn't buy them when you're drunk because what look like cherries end up being grapefruits. The things you learn from co-workers.

Yesterday was really a blast. It was just what I needed (insert Cars song here). I didn't need to drink so much and my stomach doesn't mind reminded me, but it was still a rockin' good time. Hit the bar with a big batch of co-workers where we drank, gossiped, played darts, played pool, and at some point, went to the dirty book store! I learned so many things about everyone and I'm sure they learned a thing or two about me. The most important thing I learned is that I am NOT wasting my time...but that's all I'm going to say about that. Getting slightly molested by a dirty old man with one really long tooth (I will call it a "toof") was the only downfall.

I woke up this morning with the word "TAB" transfered from my hand (as a reminder to close mine) to the side of my face. That's how good of a night it was! And I wish you all would have been there.

Tomorrow will bring the anti-Christmas dinner at my house. I'm going to bust out the fancy plates, shove a stick of butter up a chicken's butt, and enjoy the evening in my leopard print pajama set with Bean, The Shoe-Lanes, and Ashlee Adventure. Sounds like a rock-n-roll holiday to me.

Hope your holiday rocks and rolls, too!