Share a toothbrush. You're my kinda man.

9/19/09 CONTINUED!

CEREMONY

Finally I was called out to stand by the girls and my dad. They brought Todd out and the fellas started their walk. Then one by one, my ladies...my calming agents...disappeared down the aisle. Then it was Aiden and Molly's turn...she took the cake, man. Adorable. I'd post pics but I don't want to exploit the underaged. Next thing I knew, the music changed, everybody stood, and off we went. I tried to smile and not look phony. I tried not to walk too fast. I tried to focus on Todd. He looked like he was going to throw up. It was not a calming face I was walking to. He later told me...and it was confirmed by the best man...that he felt like he was going to cry. And that it wouldn't be able to be stopped. So he bottled it up. I started to cry before my dad and I walked down. I, too, bottled it up. I finally pinned it down. It wasn't really that I was NERVOUS. It's that I was ANXIOUS...to see Todd.

The rest of the ceremony went nice and smooth. We had such tight grips on each other. We didn't fumble over vows, we didn't drop rings, we didn't freak out or pass out. We were calm-ish. The song Rocko wrote and performed for us blew minds. I was told by many that it was at that point that they cried. Rocko is rad and everyone should be so lucky as know him, let alone have him write and perform a special song at their wedding. The next thing I knew, we were pronounced man and wife, sealed it with a kiss, and were walking down the aisle as Mr and Mrs! And for the record, Jen was the 1st person to call me Mrs. Gasnert after it was actually so.

We didn't have much time to bask in the awesomeness of being married after such a 322 day countdown because we had minimal time to take photos with the kids in the church. It was a kid-free reception so that was the time. We hammered out those necessary shots (which I'm not going to post...don't want to post pics of the kid for their own privacy...same with our families...same with a lot of the beautiful, fun, quirky posed shots...I need to keep somethings to ourselves) and then ran outside to a waiting bunch of hooligans! They clapped and cheered and it felt pretty awesome. Phoebe said that you could see the genuine love and happiness on our faces. I agree.

We boarded the party bus, I copped a seat on my husband's lap and we were on our way to unwide and mug for the camera. It felt so good to just sit for a minute...to just BE with Todd. To be his wife! It was exactly how I had pictured the wedding in my mind. I'm glad we went the traditional route. Traditions like that have lasted through time for a reason. Or something like that. I don't know. Phoebe said it. We could have gotten married in our pajamas in the living room with the dog and cat for all I cared. But to do what we did and say what we said in front of all the people we love...it was really rad.

Here are my favorite pics from the ceremony!

Love

Old Stone Church

Mr. and Mrs.

Best Dressed bridesmaid & best friend

Us...married...

TO BE CONTINUED...

I can't explain so I won't even try to.

9/19/09 CONTINUED!!!

The Morning Of...

I woke up around 6:00am and knew that there wasn't going to be anymore sleep. I tried texting Todd but he COULD sleep. Lucky devil. So I showered. A long, drawn out, "washing the nerves down the drain" kind of shower. Room service that we ordered the night before came. Becky and Tim rolled their room service over and we popped a bottle. Yep, we kept champagne iced in a garbage can. Classy! I had a Mimosa and some oatmeal and once we gathered up Carol, we hit the road.

The flowers for the centerpieces (and my hair) were supposed to be HOT pink and were light pink. Not a big deal outside of the fact that I didn't want light pink flowers in my hair. A detour to a Giant Eagle found ONE BUNCH of hot pink Gerber daisies! So we high-tailed it to the best hairstylist on the planet (she did my 'do for FREEEE) and got pampered. For a very short time, my nerves were GONE but still no word from the groom. I was worried about having a Sex and The City: The Movie moment. Finally at 9:02am the cell blows up. "HAPPY WEDDING DAY! 00000000 days!". Whew! The countdown was over and all was good! And the weather was PERFECT!!! Blue sky, warm weather, beautiful.

And our hair looked rad! Better than I could have expected. Now, the stupid Ohio State game was making traffic a nightmare. I started to panic. I felt physically ill. We rolled up to the hotel where the best Maid Of Honor in the world had everything we needed already in the lobby. Now we just had to wait for the party bus which was also a victim of the Ohio State traffic. That's when the nerves went into full affect!!! When we got on the bus it was bad but when we got to the church it was worse. Plus, I wasn't nervous about marrying Todd so it was a feeling I couldn't place. I was just being a typical bride.

We ran into the Old Stone Church and the rest of my bridal party, my mom, Todd's mom, tons of ladies were all waiting in my bride's room. That made me even MORE bananas. All eyes on me! And like THAT I had my one and only Bridezilla moment. My bouquet was supposed to have lilies...that was the one thing that set it apart from the rest...and they looked like...I don't even know what!!! HIDEOUS!!! I started ripping them out! Becky offered to use that as her bouquet (it still looked like the rest just a little more...spacious and green). My aunt calmed me a little and then my mom helped me get in my dress.

And then I waited. And waited. And waited.

And then they took my ladies away and I waited. Alone.

And then it was time.

Here are my favorite pre-ceremony pics!

After hair-n-make up

Jenny Penny in her perty curlers

Hot, hot, hot bridesmaids

The groom & best man

With my mom's wedding hanky

TO BE CONTINUED...

You smile & think how much you've changed.

So here it goes. I'll do my best to tell the tale without boring you to death or stressing my fingers out. I guess I'll break it up a little for y'all...and for me! This might not be the funniest or most creative series of blogs I've ever written but they will be what happened. I don't need any flash and dazzle to hand you the facts. I'll also toss in a few of my favorite pics from each part. We have about 1,000 so you're just getting a taste. So where to start?? At the beginning!

Rehearsal!

On Friday the 18th we ran around like psychotic chickens!!! Boatloads of stuff had to go to the caterer, I had get my nails done (how fancy), we had to pack for the honeymoon, we had to pack for the hotel, I had to finish my bridesmaid gift bags, I had to keep my HEAD SCREWED ON! By the time Becky and Tim picked us up to go downtown, man...I've never seen such a little car hold so much stuff. Becky and Tim were a huge help! Love you guys! We checked in to the Wyndham (raaaad), I showered my filthy self, and the next thing I knew, we were at the church running through the most important day of my life.

Despite one bitchy wedding coordinator, it was great. Our reverend was right...saying all the words out loud made me feel less nervous. But it didn't make me feel less emotional. I DID cry at the rehearsal! It surprised no one more than it surprised me! After running through the ceremony from top to bottom and having all questions answered (when do we do this...where do we go when...blah blah blah), we headed over to Rock Bottom Brewery for dinner and drinks. From what I could tell, everyone had a blast! I gave the gals their "thanks for being my bridesmaids" bags...customized sterling silver necklaces, Lip Smackers, funny perfumes, and cards. I'm a good gift giver, if I do say so myself! The guys got their gifts, too. We ate, we drank...but I was VERY quiet.

I couldn't really eat my dinner. I sent it home with Jen. I was starting to feel nerves and was getting anxious about leaving Todd. When our party started to clear out, Todd and I shared a big, lingering hug. We've only ever spent a few nights apart from one another so we were NOT happy. But we wanted this chance to be apart and long to see each other, I guess. After a LOT of hugging and kissing and "I love you" exchanging, we parted ways. I gave him the same stuffed skunk I gave my flower girl...it would take my place. I'm his skunk! He ended up at home and I ended up in the hotel pool with pals. We swam, we hot tubbed...Todd and I texted a lot. I made it back up to the room with Phoebe where we watched Project Runway, painted our toenails, and talked...until we were sleeping. I slept from 11:00 - 1:30 and 2:00 - 6:00. I was a WRECK!

I WAS GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING!

Here are my top photos from rehearsal day!

Todd in Phoebe's dress

Fellas

See ya later, Pops

Maid Of Dis-Honor

Pool party with one of my besties

TO BE CONTINUED...

Foolishness came by and we're downtown.

Still no time to write. Enjoying week 2 of the Honeymoon. Drinking on our couch and watching "My Name Is Earl" season 4 after a night of Sushi Rock with the Schuliens. This week there have been home improvements, matching tattoos, margarita machine madness with the Duttons, Olive Garden, spending cash, and much more to come!

I have not abandon you! I'm just enjoying life!

Your lips belong to me!

I'm married! I have been for a week as of today!

I promise to fill you in on the details of the wedding weekend and honeymoon. It's just a LOT right now. And I'm still ON my honeymoon for another 11 days. I just wanted to say HEY! And to let you know that I will document everything as soon as I can. But for now...I just want to be a wife.

There are self taken and friend taken photos on Facebook. Honeymoon pics, too. The professional photo business comes later. Just use those to wet your pallet!

I'm a WIFE! Weeeeeeee!!!

Oooooh, you make me live!

I forgot how much I loved the zoo until I was there. And being there with Phoebe, a person who hates most things, made it even more entertaining. This doesn't make me a wuss or anything but...animals are SUPER cute. MOST animals. Not birds, even if they're considered majestic. And robotic dinosaurs are scary. Really scary. In the event of Lacey vs. Dinosaurs, dinosaurs would win. For sure. Because my heart would explode in my chest upon seeing one, as it almost did when Phoebe and I were alone in a creepy part of the zoo gawking at a giant robotic T-Rex. I became uncomfortable. I clearly have no survivial skills. Regardless, I love the zoo and Phoebe for taking me. Sadly, my pictures were lost so I have nothing to show off. Maybe she can hook me up with some.

I'm getting married this week. Bananas.

I guess I don't really have much to say. I have so much to do to get ready for this weekend and then 2 weeks of honeymooning that my mind is really clogged. I thought blathering here would help me empty a little bit so I could get organized. But I think it's too crowded up there to even blog properly. I am looking forward to the wedding and the reception. I AM. I don't want to say "I can't wait until it's over". But I am TRULY looking forward to the honeymoon. I don't have to plan anything. I don't HAVE to do ANYTHING. I can just turn my brain OFF and coast. I just want to coast.

I know exactly what you want.

We're getting married in 10 days and not only am I still sick but I feel like I may be getting WORSE. I'm feeling exactly how I felt when this whole monstrosity of an illness began. Maybe it's my fault for not going to a doctor but who can afford that? I certainly can't with all the wedding related stuff I've shelled out scratch for over the past few weeks. And I can't go to the doctor every time I have the sniffles. But who knew these sniffles/cough would last 9 days and counting? This is the pits, man. At least I'm sleeping through the night. Then again, I'm spitting into a garbage can. So they probably cancel each other out.

I'm not a happy camper today.

My bachelorette party is in 3 days. That's something to look forward to. Put a little pep in my step. Phoebe is taking me to the zoo, weather permitting, which is awesome because I haven't been there since...probably the last time I went with Phoebe. Then I guess we're going to dinner somewhere. I've been instructed to be hungry, be comfortable, and be adorable. I can cover all of those things I think. Those are the kinds of demands I like! Then it's off to the all-chick shin-dig, followed by the co-ed shindig. It's going to be a long day, a long night, and I really can't wait. If I die before then, it would really be a shame.

I started getting all philosophical and introspective about...me, I guess. I erased it. Fuck that noise. Sitting around, getting deep, is really only going to put me in a worse mood. And being in a worse mood is not going to help my health improve in the next 10 days. I'm probably being punished for making fun of yoga. And I am certain I will be punished for plotting to destroy a cricket that is somewhere close to where I am. I can't find it but when I do, it's stoppin' time. I get stomped on enough already so it won't be anything new. Silencing this cricket forever will be worth it. Now where are you hiding, my pet??

All I did was talk...talk about you.

HELLO 500th POST! Damn, you're stunning.


500 posts. Amazing. People might say it's a giant time suck but I have YEARS...probably THEE most important years...of my life documented. The highs, the lows, the living. It's all documented. I can relive it all if I want to. I can read ANYTHING and remember exactly how I felt at any given moment in time. Sometimes I can even remember what I was wearing. I've just jam-packed a lot into 30 years. For example...


College, the first man (and alcoholic) I ever lived with, losing my tonsils, losing my appendix, losing my wisdom teeth, losing friends, eloping, graduating, getting divorced, becoming a Pussyfoot Girl, my first real job with a salary and benefits, befriending many of the Ol' Kentucky Sharks, owning my 1st home, the 2nd alcoholic to ravage my life-n-brain, a better "real" job with a pay raise and better benefits, meeting my match, the hospital horrors of 9/2008, getting engaged, and all the shows, parties, travels, adventures, awesomeness, heartache, and pain that have filled in the gaps.


I have lived. No one can tell me otherwise.


So to celebrate the 500th post of random bathering and babbling and what have you, I'm stealing something from Hot Trash that she stole from someone else. I can't remember what number of random facts about myself I'm suppose to list and since 500 seems like a challenge right now, I'm going to go with 30 to celebrate 30 years of living...and run-on sentences. And I'd bet cash money that somewhere in this blog (of the 2 that came before it), I'm already spewed all of these facts. Enjoy...or don't.


30 Random Facts About Moi


1. I am the only person I know who walked out of "Fight Club". It was 10 minutes before it was over and I couldn't take anymore. Little did I know that they'd play "Where Is My Mind?" in the last 10 minutes.


2. My dentist said I have the oddest bicuspids he's ever seen.


3. I had a dream about tap dancing with Christopher Walken to "Walk Right Back" by The Everly Brothers every night for a year. I still have it from time to time.


4. I was a bleach blonde for EXACTLY 1 day.


5. My original PFG name, Sassy Sourpuss, was inspired by an imaginary girlfriend my young nephew had. She was shaped like a triangle, had yellow hair, and was mean. Sometimes her mom was pregnant and sometimes she wasn't.


6. I changed my major in college 7 times, finally graduated, and am thinking of going back to nursing school.


7. I've been in several bands that didn't make it past the 1st practice: Animal 19, Plastic Surgery A-Go-Go, Cadaver Dogs, The Battered Wives, The Buddy Hollycaust, Virginia Slim & The Nicorettes...the list goes on and on.


8. While they are my favorite animal (and I have tattoos of 2 different types...Hammerhead & Great White), I am TERRIFIED of sharks. And I'm even MORE TERRIFIED of crabs (while we're on the topic of sea life).


9. My lucky numbers are 17 and 36 because I won awesome prizes at the St. Charles carnival playing those numbers in my youth.


10. I am allergic to kiwi...which means I could ALSO be allergic to latex but I'm not.


11. I hated my name when I was younger (I know 1 other Lacey and I'm a decade older) and vowed to change my name to Mary. At this point in my life, I have come to realize that my kids will not have average names.


12. I have never once in my life thought I had anything to prove to anyone. Even myself.


13. Seeing teeth out of the mouth makes my physically sick. There will be no "Tooth Fairy" for my kids. And I bet they'll grow up just fine.


14. I was once so dehydrated after surgery that the hospital used an absurdly high gauged needle to "open me up" and rehydrate me. Once they took the needle out, blood started pouring. They had a hard time stopping the bleeding. I looked like I had been shot.


15. I never wanted to have my braces taken off. I loved them.


16. At movie theaters, I put a hadful of butter popcorn and about 5 Snow Caps in my mouth at the same time. It's never the same at home.


17. Music is my FAVORITE thing and has been a gigantic part of my life. One year I saw over 100 DIFFERENT bands live. I can listen to "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers over and over without getting sick of it. Seeing The Breeders with Johnny was was one of the best times I've ever had. Lionel Richie is the only artist I NEVER skip on my Ipod. I first saw Todd at a show, we first talked at a show, our first date was a show, he proposed the night of LOTH's last show. I LOVE MUSIC!!!


18. If there is glass on the ground, I WILL step on it in bare feet. It's my curse.


19. I only truly regreat losing 1 friend but I sometimes wonder why she ever liked me anyway. I think I made her laugh. I'd love to make her laugh again but that's never going to happen. Some of the best times of my life were with her.



20. I got 104% in my Sexual Psychology class in college. I did my final project on fetishes using my copies of Bizarre Mag, the BEST magazine on the planet.


21. I DESPISE root beer and Fritos. I'd rather go thirsty and starve.

22. When someone says "go to your happy place", or some other bullshit like that, I think of Disney World, Las Vegas, and Niagara Falls. I guess those are my happy places.

23. I had really bad insomnia in college and at one point, I only slept 2 hours a night for almost a month.


24. I have Johnny's name tattooed over a switchblade with "Best Friends" necklaces, Todd's name tattooed in a bubble being shot out of a robot in pajama's bubble gun, and I'm getting Jen's name tattooed on a meat cleaver covered in cherry blossoms.

25. I have an extra bone in each of my feet. It's genetic. My mom and sisters also have the extra bone.

26. I want ALL of my organs removed after I die so there is ZERO possibility that I can be buried alive. I would also like to be buried in my Lost Sounds shirt.

27. I have seen "Steel Magnolias" probably...200 times, if not more. I can recite it word for word and sometimes I still cry when they take Shelby off the machines.

28. I am obsessed with the 5 Pointed Star of Easy Listening: Chicago, Hall & Oates, Huey Lewis and The News, Journey, Air Supply. I truly love every single jam by each of these bands. A song by 3 of them will play at our wedding reception!

29. I've been to the Bahamas twice and thought it was filthy and boring.

30. I spent a great deal of time in my youth dressed like Snow White. I had the record that actually had pictures on the vinyl. I played it over and over and over. I would act out the death scene for my grandma and still eat the apple, even in death. She found it disturbing.

VIVA 500!

Open up and let it flow.

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! The skunk is SICK!

I have my fingers, toes, arms, legs, eyeballs and labia crossed that because I'm sick NOW, I won't be sick for the wedding. Seeing as I am ALWAYS sick...I'm looking at this cold that's taken over as a blessing. If I didn't get sick now, I might be sick then. All the same, sneezing and stufiness can suck it. Todd was an excellent nurse yesterday. Mac-n-Cheese, meds, fluids (could be dirty but isn't), back rubs, blankets, snuggles. He didn't wear my nurse costume but that's alright...my muscles were too sore to laugh any way.

I know I got sick because I'm stressed and my immune system took a vacation from Stress City. Some wedding stuff regarding the reception has become quite the cluster-fuck and NONE of it was our fault. But of course, we get to figure it out. Ridiculous. I don't have time to have a brain tornado concerning reception details 17 days before we swap vows. Todd is as angry as I am so he's taking the reigns in this situation. He promised he'd fix it and I know he will. My pops is all ready to step in and set people straight if need be. It's good that I have those 2 dudes because if it weren't for them ready to handle business, I'd be ripping people's heads off like a wolverine on a bad day.

So what else is going on in life?

The weekend was pretty low key because Todd wasn't feeling up to snuff. We hit PJ Thursday with Johnny...man I missed that guy. Friday we had drinks with the photographers and sealed the deal on locations and stuff (those pics are going to blow minds, I can guarantee). Friday night was when Todd started feeling icky so we were in bed mighty early. Saturday I met the chicks in my fam for lunch and then spent the majority of the day alone while Todd slept off his illness. I was slightly bored. Todd said he bet that would happen after the art show closed up and he was right. Though when Shelby was mysteriously missing from the yard...that spiced up the night. She's home now...and she is grounded. I missed the cocktail party which burns my toast because I was looking forward to it. But Todd was down for the count so...sigh.

Sunday we got a lot of wedding junk done. But that's on the wedding blog.

Oh! I did collect my money and remaining paintings from the gallery. It was nice to have a big chunk of change. I financed a date with some of it and went to see Inglorious Basterds after a sub-par dinner and drinks. The awesomeness of the movie made up for the meal. It was mind blowing. Really. Go see it. Twice. Anyway, I trimmed the prices of all the paintings and posted them on Facebook. I should probably do it on My Space, too, but I'm over that. Maybe I'm growing up. Maybe I'll post them here. Everything must go!! Except "Nasty Naughty Nurses 3". Todd claimed that as his own.

This weekend is wide open. Filled with possibilities.

My fortune cookie reads: Find release from your cares. Have a good time.

You've had a busy day today.

For the past few days, I've felt a lot like I was under water. My brain was all over the place and I just generally did not like how I was feeling. The scattered brain was starting to affect my physically and my body has enough problems! I knew I had to put a stop to it...the weirdness...somehow because feeling like you're drowning...not really a lot of fun. So yesterday I said, "I'm done feeling like this. Simple as that. There are too many important things to do to drown right now".

Todd thought maybe I had "cold feeties". The fact that he used the word "feeties" let me know that if I WAS having them, he wasn't worried about it. He knows my love is solid. But it wasn't cold feet. I don't like that term. That term makes makes it seem like the person with cold feet is having doubts about what they're doing. No doubts here. Jitters. I could stand the term jitters because I think that's just a synonym for "nerves". And yeah, I have nerves. Is everything going to get done in time? Am I going to trip? Is everyone going to have a good time? Will I cry? Stuff like that. But my feet are TOASTY warm. His are "hot cha cha".

Interjection: I saw a brown SUV yesterday. Chocolate brown. I haven't seen a brown car since my Dad drove a Cadillac in the 80s. Is brown coming back in terms of popular car color? I bet some people are going to question my vision. This SUV was brown. Seriously.

Carrying on.

So even though I've decided not to drown, I still can't sleep. I'm very much a zombie today. But it's PJ Thursday and we get to hang out with Johnny which is flat out rad. Haven't spent a lot of time with that kid in recent months. But when we do all get together, he's Switchblade and it feels just like it always has. I have a feeling that's going to feel pretty good. Todd and Johnny are my best friends, my main dudes, my partners-in-crime. I'm really looking forward to tonight. To this whole jam-packed weekend, actually.

I just told Carol to "take a minute to feel bad and then tell that bad feeling to take a hike". Something about the repetition of words made me feel it was a really solid sounding statement!

Anyway, enjoy your weekends, no matter where their potential falls on the Boring to Awesome scale. I'll be hovering around the Awesome end of things if you want to find me.

Gonna scream REAL LOUD!

I stole this from Rick because my fingers feel like typing and my brain feels like emptying but somewhere in there, I can't sort out my thoughts to say anything witty or interesting. So I'm going to do this and see what comes out of it. Maybe I can find out why I'm under some sort of little black raincloud today and why I can't sleep...again. An answer has to lie in that tangled mess of my mind somewhere, am I right?

The Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note completing the 36 "I’ve come to realize." And blah, blah, blah...there were a gaggle of more rules that don't apply since this isn't a Facebook note. So I'm basically just filling in the blanks. And it's basically just a time waster because I doubt 36 fill-in-the-blanks are going to help you know me any better. I've pretty much put it all out there over the past 9 years of blogging. 36 is one of my lucky numbers so I guess I could wax philosophical on that. But I won't.

Onward.

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...is pretty rad since I like having big jugs, but could always be bigger. After nursing school and babies, bigger jugs may be on my To-Do list.

2. I've come to realize that my job..., which I appreciate having it and the money/stability it provides, is not my dream job and I'm not sure how much room I have to grow here.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I get overly annoyed by people who have the "Don't Put My Flag On Your Foreign Car" stickers. My Toyota is going to outlive your Ford by yeaaaaars. And sorry Patriot, but I don't have money for a boatload of repairs.

4. I've come to realize that I need...to put my foot down. No matter what the consequences are.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...some really amazing friends and opportunities due to being young, emotional, and easily taken advantage of. But I am no longer any of those things. If anything, I'm just broken...in a way I can accept.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...people think there's a time limit on hurt. Somethings you just DON'T get over. Simple as that.

7. I've come to realize that when I'm drunk...I love listening to music REALLY LOUD in the car (as a passenger). Like when Phoebe and I would be driving around listening to "Tessie" and Sasquatch and the Sickabillies and Von Bondies and "Hometown". Those were the days.

8. I've come to realize that money...and I should be getting along jussssssst fine pretty soon. I will be totally debt free, all bills will be paid in full, and money will be in savings. Not too shabby. But that's soon. For now...I'm the bread winner and 3 people are eating the bread.

9. I've come to realize that certain people...are ugly on the inside.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always...have "an undying ability to never give up". And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I just know it IS and it will probably kill me at an early age.

11. I've come to realize that my siblings...are solid.

12. I've come to realize that my mom...might have finally accepted that it isn't "just a phase".

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...is a nuisance. I never answer calls. I get annoyed by it. It annoys people. And I hate other people's cell phones as well. They're evil. They're only used for evil.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I was pretty unhappy. I was pretty unhappy when I went to bed last night. I couldn't have really expected things to just change while I slept. That "tomorrow is a new day" stuff is garbage.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...I was uploading old school pictures of me and pals onto Facebook and reliving some really good times in my life.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am...daydreaming about the wedding because I'm anxious for it to get here already. It's the one thing that keeps my head above water when I'm moody. Which I am. Because I'm exhausted and stressed and stretched too thin.

17. I've come to realize that my dad...and I have to transfer 30 cases of beer from his car to mine. And then Todd and I have to transfer 30 cases of beer from my car to the house. And then from the house to the car. Then the car to the caterers. And none of this sounds like any fun to me.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I am totally reminded of how funny and rad my friends are, and how Todd is cute and loves me, and how My Space is lame and I'm over it (besides wanting to see pictures of Jen's belly).

19. I've come to realize that today...marks 25 days until the wedding. But outside of that fact, today will probably be a lot like yesterday. Maybe even identical.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...I have to remember to eat dinner. And I have to go to bed early so that I don't zombie my way through another morning.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...is Wednesday so Top Chef is on. Or is it Project Runway? Either way, a show I like is on and will tape and I will watch it when I'm off on Friday like I do with ALL my shows. I inherited this television problem from my mother.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...learn how to throw knives, swallow swords, and breathe fire. I wouldn't mind learning how to fence either.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this...could've been my friend if circumstances were not as they are and things that happened hadn't.

24. I've come to realize that life...is hard. And anyone who thinks it isn't is an idiot and should be punched in the junk!

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...is a rad Skunk-n-Weasel Weekend. Thursday is PJ Thursday per usual (and Johnny is joining us!!!), Friday we have a date to go see "Inglorious BAsterds", Saturday we're going to s cocktail shin-dig, and Sunday, if Stephanie is right about her Manhattans, will be scheduled recovery. I'm pumped about it all.

26. I've come to realize the best music to listen to when I am upset...is either music that makes me cry so I get it out of my system (I have a limited number of tears per cry) or music that makes me super happy so I can just say "Ahhhh, fuck it".

27. I've come to realize that #27...is missing and was probably the one indepth question I needed to set myselt right again. The person I hate most in the world is 27 so that number can just disappear for all I care.

28. I've come to realize that this year...has been both rewarding and difficult. There are parts I'll never forget and parts I don't care to remember. But this year is the year I'm marrying the person I love. So it's a rad year in my book.

29. I've come to realize that my ex...was just a HUGE mistake and I'm pretty embarrassed.

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...start smoking again.

31. I've come to realize that I love...Todd. More than anything and anyone on this planet and that is why I have "an undying ability to never give up". I also love my besties, the Ol' Kentucky Sharks, my family, my life, my top 10 favorite bands, going to shows, roadtrips, being a Pussyfoot Girl, being me, and cheese.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...a lot of math but I LOVE math.

33. I've come to realize my past...made me the person I am today, scars and all.

34. I've come to realize that parties...are typically fun, especially theme parties, and I think the New Year's Eve party I threw before Ben and Lisa moved was one of the best parties EVER! I consider our wedding reception "a party" and I think it will knock people's socks off.

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...of being buried alive.

36. I've come to realize that my life...overall is amazing. When I die, I'll be able to say that I did everything I wanted to and nothing/no one held me back. Despite the hard times and heartaches, I always came out on top and better than before. I've lived.

Everything she takes, she takes apart.

No foreign language rants today. Still hating on fools though.

Not much of anything today to blather about. I'm exhausted. I slept horribly and have been having horrible dreams about a variety of topics. It was a long night that is going to make for a long day. I can feel it in my zombie bones. My eyes are tired and I'm becoming increasingly irritable by the seconds. I'm trying to find "a happy place" to keep me from snapping at innocent people. The fact that 4 weeks from today we'll be in Key West is helping. It's helping a lot. I just have to keep picturing it. I have to stay focused on good times ahead.

Yep.

I ain't gonna miss you when you go.

I just sang...and by sing, I mean totally William Shatner style..."$100 Hangover" to my nephew. It's going to be the last song played at our wedding reception so I thought he should know what he's getting into. This was after a brief discussion about "Surfin' Bird" and why it's so rad. The last half an hour of this party is going to be utter, rockin', bubblegum-flavored chaos and I can't wait!

Moving forward.

It's really sad that some people make up stories about moving because they think moving far away makes them seem more glamerous. When in all actuality, anyone with half a brain knows they have to move far away so no one knows what a phony they are and that they have actually hit rock bottom in their pathetic lives. You know what? It's not sad. It's hysterical. It's also not about anyone who reads this. Because this pathetic person probably can't read unless it's etched into the headboard of whatever random amazing scumbag that's drilling her that week. You'd have to go from behind because that face...nightmare. Anyway, I'd be a much more mature and less self-righteous person if THAT person didn't exist and suck so bad. It's not my opinion. It's general fact.

I probably should have written that in German. Moving along.

Today is PJ Thursday. It's our new thing. Todd and I hang out and do the same thing every Thursday and have for the past X number of weeks. It's something to look forward to at the end of the work week (well, it's the end of MY week, anyway). Sometimes friends join. A lot of times it's just us. We talk, we drink, we laugh, we share cheese fries. I'm really looking forward to it tonight because with the above said nightmare person in our life, the last few days have been sucko. But that's the last I'm saying about them in English or any other language because we're done letting her affect us. Simple as that. It's PJ THURSAY!

I wish Phoebe would come home (and stay HOME but that's not my call). I'm glad Carol is on her way home and listening to "Africa" by Toto. I appreciate that Tessa doesn't freak when I have to strip down in front of her. I can wait for Johnny to learn about "Robin 101". I'm pumped that I got a few e-mails from Rocko this week. I appreciate the fact that Erin knows all good songs make you weepy. I hoping that Lisa will be here 30 days and dances to Billy Idol. I'm anxious to try a Manhattan at Stephanie's cocktail party. I wish Marie would post wedding pics already! And I think it's rad that Todd's as psyched for PJ Thursday as I am!

Have a swell weekend, y'all...whenever yours starts.

I'm much too fast to take that test.

Hon lämnar. Hon flyttar till den annan sida av landet om några få dagar. Hon lämnar hennes barn bakom. Vad sort av person gör det? Hon lämnar hennes son med en man hon har noll respekt för och en kvinna som hon hatar. Det är hur viktigt att starta ett nytt liv är till henne. Hon behöver flytta tusen av mil borta så inga fynd ut hon har slagit sten botten. Patetisk.

Yep. Foreign language ranting again.

Lots of changes are gonna go down, or so it seems. It has nothing to do with ME exactly but it will affect me big time. I'm having all kinds of feelings about said changes but I'm bottling them up. I'm channling all the emotions and confusion into my kitchen project. I blasted AFI, Bad Religion, and MxPx and rolled the bulk of every wall until my arms were shaking. I didn't eat dinner. I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't ask for any help. I sang and I rolled. Goodbye sunshiney yellow and Hello stormy gray. If it all comes together like I'm envisioning in my head, I'm going to spend all my time in there. My gloomy, creepy, mysterious kitchen. I'll empty out all my bottled up emotions by cooking. And by making out with the margarita machine.

My mind is all over the place. I'm just letting it spazz.

Getting married 1 month from today. Nothin' spazzy about that.

And if the people stare, then the people stare.

More and more I am growing quite aggitated by the thought of Phoebe moving to Colorado. At first it didn't phase me much because...Phoebe moves! She's lived all over. I knew at some point she'd move again. But now, yeah, not feeling it so much. And that's just me being selfish. But such is my right! She's one of my best buds. So I've moved from acceptance to aggitation and I'm guessing anger will come next if we're sticking around the top of the alphabet. I had a horribl dream that Phoebe blamed me for losing her job (which she hasn't) and it ended in lots of screaming. I wonder what my brain is trying to work out. Oh well. I hate you, Colorado. Oh look! I'm in "anger" already!

Tattoos are really fun and I'm glad none of mine mean anything (besides the fact that I have my best friend's name, our wedding date, Todd's name, and now a zombie geisha that was a wedding gift) because that would mean that I had tattoos that mean things about people who don't mean anything anymore. Todd and Johnny will always be my partners-in-crime so it's acceptable to have meaningful tattoos involving them. And I'm just speaking about me and my feelings and my tattoos. Remember, I'm being selfish. Anyway, tattoos are fun especially when it's a tattoo DATE (and they're a wedding gift from the cutest pregnant girl EVER) and your date picks chicken off the bone for you because you because you're weird and won't eat it off the bone. Phoebe used to do that for me. Sigh.

So the weekend started solidly with cocktails at our local hangout...gotta love those Guiness girls! They sure loved us! Todd took Friday off so we went downtown and got our marriage license and did other wedding related stuff (see above), followed by dinner and cartoons. Saturday was Chill Day so we rallied early to set up the new TV and load up on snacks. After The Hangover, I Love You Man, and Helter Skelter, we called it a day. And yesterday we started the mini-kithcen remodel. Purged old stuff, put new stuff away, and got the room ready to paint! Our of all the rooms in the house, this is the biggest project so we might as well tackle it!

Oh, and if anyone recalls my recent babbling rant...God must speak Italian. It appears that the person (if you can call them that) that I loathe most on the planet is finally going to do me (and several others) a favor (without knowing it), or so they claim (not directly to me, of course). I guess sometimes dreams DO come true (even if those dreams aren't really the nicest, most healthy dreams). Farewell!

I'm bailin' out because I hate the race.

La desidero, la sua faccia di dollaro-dente di carlino-nosed, il suo ha esaurito il vagaina, le sue abilità di cura parentale orribili, il suo comportamento egoistico, lei il tatuaggio di farfalla, ed il suo orribile, presto per colpire la roccia vita inferiore MOVEREBBE appena LONTANO GIÀ. Fare tutti che mai ha avuto il dispiacere di riunione lei un favore ed andare la coperta la sua cattiveria sul lato opposto del paese. E non ritorna visitare. Disinfetteremo lo stato una volta lei è andato. Se lei mai ferma per mentire e va appena. Pensa che questo sia minorile? Si. È. Ma l'odio esattamente che molto!

When people in the movies are really riled up about something, they always start flipping out in foreign languages. I think that's what I'm going to do from now on. This blog has been a relatively hostility-free environment since the beginning of last summer. I left anger and nastiness out of that because who wants to remember that junk? Well, in the case of Me vs. Suckos, I do what to remember it. And today I want to remember it in barely translatable Italian.

I want to do the following things. Who's with me?

-Take a foreign language...so I can rant. Maybe something out there. Russian. Hungarian. Polish. Something thick and mysterious. No one is going to mistake me for Italian.

-Go to Coney Island and, on a similar note, learn to throw knives, breathe fire, and sword swallow. In a tight and tacky outfit. And in that order.

-Start a zombie themed go-go dancing troupe. Not saying PFG aren't returning. I just want to do something creepier. I need to be prepared in case Demented Are Go ever show up.

-Hit Chicago and ride the ferris wheel at Navy Pier, have a beer at the bar where Tom & Carol met, eat a deep dish pizza, and see the location of the original Playboy Mansion.

-Three words: SAUCY PUPPET SHOW!

-Plan a roadtrip that spanning several states to see oddities: Mutter Museum, Salem Mass, Museum of Circus Sideshow, biggest ball of yarn, WHATEVER. Music, junk food, cruising, photos.

-Go to various amusement parks in the country and ride all of the "spinny" rides and possibly some of the cheesier rollercoasters.

-Take some sort of adult education workshop...learn how to fence, amateur photography, Japanese cooking, pottery or some other "no skill needed" art class. Anything really.

-Go to Epcot Center at Disney World and have a different alcoholic beverage (and hilarious photo op...especially if people in giant plush costumes are about) at every one of the countries.

-Go to New York and see all the important stuff...Statue of Liberty, Rockefellar Center, Time Square and so on, find a place that serves Presidente and see a show at Otto's.

Come on. That's a PRETTY rad list. I KNOW that someone out there wants to do at least 1 of these things if not more. Sign up! I didn't realize how much travelling I wanted to do. I better start saving my pennies. You know, after making that list, I feel so much calmer and more relaxed. I still feel how I felt at the beginning but I don't think I'll be speaking Italian any more today!

Just like an arrow through my heart.

The comment Little Erin left on my previous post made me smile, throw my head back, and laugh out loud. Thanks Erin, all is right with the world again!

I'm still hatin' on thugs...but at least I have someone like you to hate with!!!!!!

But no beers for you. You're the person I tell stuff I need to remember when I'm drinking. My personal note pad, if you will. Just with much better cleavage than my ACTUAL notepad.

Sincerely,
Barry (Sagittarius)

P.S. I hate the Ohio State Buckeyes. The post wasn't about them, though.

I got mine but I want more.

***awhile after posting this...yep...still riled***

I think the bitch in me is tearing its way out today. I feel like taking my boney finger and violently poking someone in the chest repeatedly...while getting centimeters away from their face while I let all the bitchiness flow out of my mouth. Why on the planet Earth do certain people think they can do whatever the bejesus they want? Why do certain people just assume they're entitled to get away with murder and be forgiven for everything? Wait. Wait. I take that back. They don't think they deserve to be forgiven because they never think they do anything WRONG. How could they? Something in their life has caused them to just be able to do whatever whenever, poor babies.

Today...I feel like taking all those people down.

By whatever means necessary.

This particular brand of people that are making me seeth...ugh. Miserable. If it hurts every time you hit yourself in the face with a hammer...STOP HITTING YOURSELF IN THE FACE WITH A HAMMER. You can't boo hoo over something one minute and then turn around and praise that very same thing. PICK A SIDE! There is officially a line in the sand. If you're going to kiss ass and grovel at the foot of something miserable, you have no right to be shocked when that very same something shits on you. And you CERTAINLY shouldn't expect people to have any respect for you or good feelings towards you when you're just totally backwards,

I know. I skulked at the foot of something awful for YEARS.

I'm just pumped full of hate-n-loathing. I'm sick of the nice, cool, decent people out there getting treated like jokes, like GARBAGE, while the horrible, heinous leeches out there coast through life. I've said it before...it doesn't pay to be nice! It doesn't pay to be helpful or kind or forgiving! It just makes you a welcome mat that reads WALK ALL THE FUCK OVER ME! I LIKE IT! Maybe I'll feel differently in a few days but I doubt it. When I HATE something/someone, I almost NEVER change my stanse. And I'm not going to play nice with someone.something I hate for the sake of anyone else. I'm going to be the only one in my coffin so I'm really the only one I need to make happy.

I am seriously on fire. I wish I could give more details but I can't. Like I said, there's a certain brand of person on my shit list. I, personally, will not be a doormat anymore for anyone. I will not be as forgiving as I once was. I will no longer turn my head or shrug things off. And I won't be handing out respect as willy-nilly as I once did. You think you don't have to earn it? You do. If anyone out there is as enraged as I am that sucky people do sucky things and lead sucky lives and just expect to be taken care of and praised by the normal, average, day-to-day, non-sucko people out there because for WHATEVER REASON they are just so AWESOME...

I want to buy you a beer. And a shot of bubblegum vodka. So call me. Text me. Send a carrier pigeon. Because I want to drink with YOU.

This rant has been brought to you by the letters Y, M and the number 8.

Freezing cold penguins say, "F-f-f-f-f-f-fuck OFF!"

Our black hearts worn on our sleeves!

"The Weekend Of Me" is over. Which means the art show opening is over and the wedding shower is over. Huge, unfathomable weights have been lifted off my shoulders. But now what??? Painting has taken up every free moment of my life for the past few months! And the wedding shower was the last big thing before the ACTUAL big thing! Dare I say...because Todd suggested it...that I might actually get BORED??? I think I could handle a little boredom for a while. We already have a solid Chill Day planned. A whole day being total sloths with our brains turned off. I think I can handle that. I KNOW I can!!!

Pictures of your mama taken by your papa.

So the opening night party for "Cannibalicious!" was a smashing success. A ton of people...friends, family, strangers, weirdos...all came out and had a rad time. I want to thank everyone for their support. I bet you want to thank me for being done with it so you don't have to HEAR about it anymore. I sold WAAAAAY more than I thought I would and the show runs for a few more weeks. Pop in there if you can. Man...a Saturday without painting. I don't know what to do with myself! Anyway, instead of blathering about the entire night I figured I'd just post some of my favorite snapshots. Enjoy...and thanks again!

Waiting for 7:00 to roll around.

Wall #1.

Wall #2.

Table of itty bitty cash-n-carry paintings & easels.

Us...in the gallery living room.

Besties for life.

Pure awesomeness.

My future in-laws...totally rad.

Me, John Jackson & Tommy Bones livin' it up.

Creating the "Boob Pentagram".

The Amazing Mays...and me.

Tom as "Strongman" minus unitard and moustache.

Fiancee & Maid-Of-Honor.

Gallery bar antics.

Texas Pete, DAB & Sugar out front.

Mr. & Mrs. Firecracker.

As a matter of fact, you're on the right track.

So WHOSE show got a rad blurb in the arts section of Scene Magazine? And what SAME show got a mention in Cool Cleveland? Yep. MY SHOW! And it was one of only three shows that got blurbs so I'm pretty super psyched...while also increasingly nervous. I hope people realize that I am NOT an "artist". I'm sloppy. I leave pencil marks. My hand shakes. I paint crooked. If I run out of one color, I'll use another brand. I'm not trained. I'm not a professional! I'm so worried that all these regulars will show up and think I'm a fraud. I was already told I'd be put on the spot by people who like to talk to the "artist", which I am NOT! I paint things that make me LAUGH. If they don't make me LAUGH, they'll probably have a lower price tag.

Speaking of price tags...

Pricing my work is one thing that freaks me out. Sure, some of these things took me MANY hours on top of blood, sweat, and tears. And SURE, most of them are QUITE large. But do I deserve $100 or $75 for some of them? For a riled up piece of bacon holding weaponry? Dave from Low Life seems to think so! I think I was just thinking too little of myself and what I've done. I worked hard...and I could use some scratch. So I need to rethink my pricing methods and give myself a little credit. This will most likely be my ONLY art show. I want to make the most of it. Ugh...and naming them? I better not have any babies or they might not be named for weeks. That's another story.

Todd and I have a feeling that a lot of people will be there. Dave does, too. And it was fun to hang the art with him because he's as super psyched as Todd and I are. How could you NOT be super psyched about a show that has ZERO elements of seriousness? It is the epitome of LOW BROW! I mean, "Angry Breakfast" and a topless Snow White? Mix that with wine, beer, Good-n-Fruitys, a punk rock DJ, and The coolest one-woman band EVER...I see nothing but good times in our future. And our future is TOMORROW! From 7:00 - 11:00 at Low Life, a block or so over from the Beachland!

And while I have this opportunity...I ALWAYS have this opportunity since this is MY blog...I want to thank some people. I want to thank Dave for taking a chance on "Cannibalicious!" and being so super psyched. Thanks to Phoebe because without her, nonw of this would have been possible. She says she just introduced Dave to my shtuff, but I never would have/could have done this without her. Thanks to Carol for being NOTHING but encouraging and for offering up her rockin' services for the night. And the MOST thanks to Todd for buying supplies, washing brushes, making sure I was fed and watered, for hanging paintings, giving me hand massages and constructive criticism, and for telling me all last night how proud he is. That's pretty damn cool if I do say so myself.

And thanks in advance to everyone for SHOWING UP.

*wink*

My stomach drops and my guts churn.

"Little Pink Houses" by John Cougar Mellancamp is one of the worst songs ever written. The lyrics to "Every Shitty Thing" by Murder City Devils blow my mind. "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" by The Smiths still shakes me at my core. "Surf Wax America" by Weezer is totally under rated. And this has been your musical education for the day.

I painted (my version of) a portrait of Alejandro Murder (he'll never be Alex to me again) yesterday over the lyrics to "Midnight Picture Show" by Teen Idols last night. It's black on gray with a flat black frame. It's simple and maybe it doesn't even look like him...but it's one of my favorite things that I've done. I absolutely love it. Tonight, even though I'm just supposed to be doing touch ups and painting edges, I'm going to try and to do more portraits over lyrics. I probably shouldn't push myself to do anything else new...but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't flipping my lid and sweating bullets until the last second.

I feel pretty solid about the show. I was nervous, and I'm sure I will be nervous when all the attention is turned to me, but right now I feel solid. A lot of people have told me they're coming and a lot of people have said there is something they want to buy. I can't wait to see people duke it out for "Angry Breakfast". Makes me wish I had done emotional dinners and lunches. I guess I always could...why am I biting off more than I can chew!? Anyway, Dave from Low Life got a DJ for the event so we have jams before and after Miss Firecracker. I hope to see a lot of familiar faces there. Even if you don't buy anything...it's better than wasting away in a bar somewhere. Am I right? You know I am. Get a little culture...even if this culture involved severed heads and naked ladies. MY kind of culture.

By Sunday evening, I'll be the proud ownder of a Margarita machine!

I'm still having weird dreams. Not about the wedding anymore. Now that the invites have gone out (we already received a TON of RSVPs...where is yours, Phoebe???), I'm pretty mellow regarding the wedding. Just anxious for it to get here. My dreams have just been so odd, and really realistic. I'm always pretty shocked when I wake up. And in some cases, I'm really HAPPY when I wake up and find that things are as they should be and NOT how they were in the vivid dreams. Regardless...I slept really well this weekend. Better than I have in months. But if good sleeping leads to weird and realistic dreams...I don't know that I want that.

I do know that I want hand massages before bed. Rock.

Lord knows this would be the first time.

I'm watching "Steel Magnolias" while I research creepy Bible versus online to serve as a backdrop for my portrait of Alex Murder. The weather is beautiful, the beer is cold, the dog is chill. The knot in my chest has disappeard without any crying, Edward Cullen is on the cover of my magazine, and I think I want to start a saucy puppet show with anyone willing to make a fool of themselves. A huge stack of RSVPs came, I am for sure going to apply to nursing school in the spring, I'm starting the "Stop Phoebe From Moving" campaign.

I'm wearing paint splattered overalls.

I'm translating things into Spanish and Hungarian.

I'm 6'2" and UNSTOPPABALE!

And when I could, I gave strength to you.

This is it. Tonight starts my last weekend before the art show. No more excuses. No more procrastination. Anything new I want to do, anything I need to finish, any edges, any touch ups. This is the final lap before the goods get delivered to Low Life next Wednesday...and then are up for grabs to the masses from August 7th to the 30th. And I'm prepared. I know what I have to do. I'm focused. I need to load up on any last minute supplies and WORK. Todd has already been instructed to feed and water me. I am ready.

Except that I'm not.

Because I'm sick.

I just have to suck it up and push through it. I know this. Believe me, right before "PAINT EDGES" and "DO TOUCH UPS" on my list are "SUCK IT UP" and "PUSH THROUGH IT". Whenever I start feeling especially emotional (yes, I've had odd emotions during this illness) or the pain intensifies, I find that singing "Rufus Xavier Sarsparilla" to myself helps.

Sure, it doesn't get rid of that knot in my chest and it doesn't make my barking cough go away and it doesn't help me sleep peacefully through the night, waking up refreshed...but somehow, it helps. It makes me feel like me...which I don't right now because of the fucking sicks.

I have to miss Road Rash Bash in order to get ready for the art show (in addition to not wanting to spread the germs around). Carol is being comforting reassurring me that a lot of our usual pals are missing out this year. But already I missed Heavy Rebel, too. And I might miss Mark The Shark's party at Sugar's. I even missed Nolan's 1st birthday because I've been up to my ears in SHTUFF! Yes "shtuff" is being checked off the ist every day. Still...ugh...I'm starting to have emotions again.

Whew! I could say that, but I don't have to. Cause I got pronouns, I can say, "HE found a kangaroo that followed HIM home and now IT is HIS". You see, (uh) HE, HIM, and HIS are pronouns replacing the noun Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla, a very proper noun. And IT is a pronoun, replacing the noun, kangaroooooooooo! (How common!)

I feel better already!

Things were good when we were young.

Todd and I had such a fun night, or evening, I guess. I like when he thinks I'm funny. Of course, I always think I'm a laugh riot. But it's always cool when he thinks something I'm doing is funny, rather than embarrssing. Like "Finger Lickin' Strip Tease", which he had never seen before last night. So it was a fun evening, but it was a rough night, for both of us, but I think I'll throw a pity party for me because that's what I feel like doing.

I can NEVER sleep, but last night was especially bad. And he was right there with me. Awake and fussy. We were both annoyed and annoying and fussy and well aware of the fact that it was 3:30am. Usually, even with my horrific sleep patterns, I just wake up and fall back asleep many times during the night. Last night, I woke up and that was that (I did have a dream about werewolves that was not as clear as my dream about vampires...I for SURE can not read before bed anymore).

And I'm sick again. I think that was the root of waking up and staying up. I have a monster cough. A horrible, core shaking cough. Every time I coughed or tried to clear my sinuses, Todd would moan slightly like he could feel my pain. I wanted to get tender with him since we were both awake, but even my teeth hurt from coughing. I couldn't imagine how my internally icy-cold chest would have felt with his weight on me.

I don't want to be sick again, even if it is just a cold. My mom has noticed that over the last year or so, I've been sick far less than at other points in my life. But being ill, with different symptoms, twice in 8 days? It's not only bad for my body but my mind. Makes me feel a little defeated. I know I'm bitching. Like I said, pity party. We did get the wedding invitations...that is lifting my spirits.

I was just reminded me that this is the one year anniversary of something very sad that happened in our family. So maybe my spirits aren't so lifted. Carol and I were just having a conversation yesterday about how last summer was just painful all around for alot of people. I told her I didn't want to sound hippy dippy, but maybe we should embrace the pain. Acknowledge it, acknowledge that it sucks even though it happened last year, and then let it go. Rinse-n-repeat as many times as necessary. And screw you, last summer.

Trucking on.

Signing off, rather.

Now my bad dream is my best friend.

Phoebe and I...

Interruption! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHEE-BIZZLE!! I love you!

...were talking about how dreams are not predictions of the future. Rather, they are your brain's way of working things out from your life. Randomly, I had been having weird wedding dreams, mainly about things not being done on time. Todd had one, too, Wednesday night. He didn't put his mohawk up and we never got the marriage license. But that all makes sense because there are 54 days until the wedding and so much left to do. I'll give you those dreams, brain.

But what is my brain trying to work out when I have a way too realistic dream...I guess you could call it a dream...where I was really trying to enjoy my sleep because once Todd and I become vampires, we won't sleep anymore...? What is my brain working out THEN? I'm sure it all came about because I had been reading "Breaking Dawn" before bed but it was just too real. "I wonder if I'll miss sleeping when we're vampires. I really love sleeping. Maybe I won't even notice. Edward and Bella bone alot since Bella was changed, and I can handle that. But sleeping...I hope I don't miss it, too much. I better snuggle up closer on Todd". Bizarre. No more books before bed. I'm cutting myself off.

I'm feeling better, to all who have wondered. I have new symptoms...sneezing, coughing, gooey nastiness attempting to escape from my lungs. But it's all gravy compared to the ear horrors of last week. Thanks to everyone who checked up on me.

Wedding is getting close. Art show is even closer. This weekend, I saw a bunch of pals I haven't seen in a while since I've been a hermit. A lot of them told me how pumped they are for both events. I expect people to be into the wedding cause...free food, open bar, me in a CHURCH, hilarious hijinx. But it meant so much more that people are rallying for the art show. It's my baby, after all. I didn't really get anything done this weekend...shame on me. But that doesn't mean I didn't have fun. Hell, I bowled a strike while Slack Jawed Yokels were playing on the LANES! It doesn't get much better than that. And as a side note...my friends and my life are pretty rad. These people know how to have FUN. I'd fight a tiger for almost every one of those crazy bananas.

Someone I've never met before told Todd that I looked like a brunette Gwen Stefani (Todd said I was far superior). I'm lucky I didn't slack my throat open with the closest pointy object! That girl is all gums. But anyway...it was important to Todd that I meet some important people in his life this weekend...I did...and they liked me! What's not to like? Regardless, it's always nice to be liked.

Again, let me say...HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHOEBE! xoxoxo

I color your world blue!

Tessa offered to sing me a song since I'm still not feeling well. She sang me "Sleep" by Lagwagon. It made me very, very happy. Not only happy because I think that is one of the sweetest songs on the planet, but because she offered to sing it to me. Even if that meant e-mailing me the lyrics since my ear hurts. Thank you, Onion Head.

So as you gathered above, I'm still sick. Suck-o.

But my mood has improved somehow. I may have let stress bubble over which lead to yelling and being yelled at but I think that was healthy...cause I feel extra light now. And we're going to my parents' to stuff wedding invitations tomorrow so that is mega-exciting. And I talked to Little Jen yesterday about her baby shower and her belly and just hearing her voice made me feel fizzy and light! All those things combined have me feeling slightly more solid, even if it still feels like there's a ritual sacrifice lead by hyenas taking place in my ear.

In one day...ONE day...I finished 100 pages of a book, read an ENTIRE book (I think it was 560-ish pages) and got to page 287 in another. I forgot how much I LOVE reading. Reading things OTHER than trashy celeb gossip magazines, which I also love. And you can make fun of me since I was reading the "Twilight" series but I don't care. Screw you. I love to read. I love books. How they look and smell and feel. I love how I feel when I'm reading. If I wasn't dead set on getting "HIGH FIVE" on my knuckles, "BOOK WORM" would be good, too...but I AM dead set.

My ear hurt so badly on Tuesday that television was out...as was sleeping. So I read. And when I finished "New Moon", Todd and Aiden hustled out and nabbed me "Eclipse" which is by FAR my favorite. That made Todd happy to hear. I can't wait to finish it and move on to "Breaking Dawn". But then what will I do?? Without the Cullens?? Sigh. I guess it's back to celebrity autobiographies. I hate you, Anthony Kiedis. Any suggestions?

My weekend is jam-packed which has my head a-spinnin'. Painting tonight to make up for NOT painting on Saturday since I've committed myself to an entire day of friends, bands and bowling. Back-tracking to Friday...picking up invites, dress fitting, envelope stuffing pizza party. Plus painting. Gotta squeeze that in.

Then Saturday, as I said, is the Bowl-a-Rama thingamajig that I've been psyched about. Horror of 59s last show and a special performance from Slack Jawed Yokels!!! Plus plenty of others bands I'm pumped to see. Still haven't see the Lords since Sugar left and Jimbo joined. I'm mostly pumped to hang with pals. And nothing is better than a bowling alley grilled cheese!

Sunday is all about painting...AFTER I do Finger Lickin' Strip Tease and reprise my roll as the trailer park bride for the "Jesus County Fair" DVD. I can't WAIT for that sucker to come out! I have such an odd life and know such odd people. ROCK! I guess I could sit home and knit scarves or something but I'd much rather do a strip tease in a chicken suit for a DVD filled with my friends being lunatics...or hang out at a local bowling alley with a local car club and my local rock-n-rolly pals being bananas!

Outside of pooling blood in my ear, La vita è buona!

AND YOU CAN'T MAKE IT STOP!

Pain. Plain vanilla pain.

I'm in pain. Agonizing, unbelieveable, begging to temporarily end your life kind of pain. I could compare it to emotionally pain, which is typically the WORST kind of pain. Where you roll up in a ball and sob from your very core, your eyelids swell, and things you didn't know could ache, ache. You're fairly certain you'll never catch your breath, you can't sit, lay, or stand still, and there's no possibility of sleep because your brain will not shut off even for a brief moment. You're fucked. You're stuck until something inside you heals itself. I know you know what I mean. If you have a vagina, you've had this kind of emotional pain.

Now keep that feeling, the side effects of emotional pain, but make it physically based. The pain is physical but it's gut wrenching and...it's torture. That is where I'm at right now. I feel emotionally wrecked due to physical pain. Oh, and I might murder someone because of it. So I guess we can throw a little psychology into the mix. Do you think I'm being melodramatic? I'm a being a little coo-coo bird? I don't even fucking care at this moment in time. There's a hole in my eardrum and it is currently ruining both my life and my ability to care about others or the way they perceive my emotional/physical/mental cocktail of pain. Everyone can just jump off a bridge right now. And if they're too chicken to jump, I'll push 'em. Hope you can swim.

Enough drama. Let's get serious.

After a pretty rad date weekend with my mate, and hitting the "2 months to go" mark on the wedding countdown, I went to bed in a happy and descent mood. I woke up to pain. Insert whatever horrific adjectives you want in front of "pain"...it still won't be good enough to describe how I feel. There was tossing and turning and tears...I ended up with Strep, a 101 fever, and a ruptured eardrum, the later of which is pushing me to my limits. I've never felt anything like it (well, I HAVE because it's happened before, but I was wee and don't recall the horror). Every sound...every airplane, every dog bark, every high-pitched voice...is ready to unleash the potential murderer in me. So steer clear.

There aren't enough Snickers in the WORLD to soothe me.

I know what comfort you are.

There is a song called "Capsized" by a band named Enormous. I got the CD in a grab bag from Perry's Rockpile when it was still open. Any free money I had EVER in high school was spent there on band t-shirts and stickers. Not the point. The point is, I thought this CD was going to be utter garabage and maybe it was. But that song..."Capsized"...it's in my head. I can't shake it. And I can't find the CD anywhere. In fact, I think the last time I heard that song was on a casette tape I made when I still had a Ford Explorer. I need to hear it. I need to sing it at the top of my lungs and get it out of my brain. So someone...for crying out loud...find it for me! And while you're at it, find "Beer, Beer and 15 Year Olds" by Grand Prixx. It was on a Lab Rat Records comp. I need that too...in order to maintain sanity.

"Good Luck painting all weekend...I just couldn't have that kind of love for something.. I'm really proud of you for sticking with this for so long. : )".

More words of encouragment, this time from Tessa. It's good to be getting these pats on the back. Now is the time that I need them. Now is the time I need cheerleaders. I have 3 weekends left...can't ask for an extension, can't add more days to the month. I am transporting all of the paintings to the gallery on Wednesday August 5th and then they'll be hung. I think it's going to blow my mind seeind all of my hard work up there on the walls. I appreciate everyone's support. I know I've been sort of M.I.A. I also know I've been cranky...my back and neck and hands get sore. I don't stop to eat. I can't sleep most nights. So just know I appreciate every kind word and gesture. Enough with the sap.

This weekend, I hae quite a few things to mix in with the paint. Tattoo removal, Sasquatch and the Sickabillies, hanging out with Tom & Carol & Todd, making chicken paprikash, reading "Twilight" and then "New Moon", and at SOME point...I need to start weeding my house out. The wedding shower is in 24 days and I'd like to get the old stuff and stuff we don't need (a.k.a. clutter) out before bringing all the new stuff IN. When we get back from our honeymoon, I want to just be able to LIVE and not have to spend an eternity trying to make things organized! So...yeah...add that nonsense to my "To Do" list.

So even if everything is bananas, life is still good.

You get the picture!

I just had some Sugar Babies for the first time in probably 23 years and my teeth are screaming! These things are pure...sugar! I'm going to be jacked up for the rest of the day. I already feel twitchy and cr-r-r-r-racked out. My Weasel had a dentist appointment the other day and while there, he made an appointment for me! You may not think that's romantic but I do. I'm all about dental hygeine and I want these chompers to be pearly white on wedding day. Exam, cleaning, whitening...BOOKED!

Marie sent me a message/comment saying we should have a date to see "New Moon as new wives". Adorable. I'm so there. I'm supposed to get hooked up with both the "Twilight" and "New Moon" books tomorrow...need to be prepared for the big premier in November (did I mention that Todd hid my "Twilight" DVD? Mean, mean man). I can't believe I have PLANS in November already. My life is just go go go!

Tonight I think I'm supposed to go go go to yoga. But I'm not. It DID make me sleep like a lion (they sleep 20 hours a day) and for that reason, I WILL go back. But today, I'm tired, I have stabbing abdominal pains for some wacky reason (they seem to be going around), and I really just feel like chillaxing with Todd. The odds of my getting him to go to yoga are slim to none. I'm thinking a drink, some food, maybe some Netflix. I could stand to get out of the house for awhile, I'll tell you that much. The weekend ahead sees me house bound and covered in paint. But it also sees us at Sasquatch and the Sickabillies! YEEEEEHAW!

So what else?

My arm is bleeding. That is not normal. And I can SMELL the blood. Maybe I'm a VAMPIRE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I'm just rambling. I'll blame it on the Sugar Babies. On a side note, I would like to say the following things:

1. Phoebe, please cheer up. if I have a depressed non-wife, people will start to suspect non-spousal abuse. Turn your frown upside down.

2. Lisa, it was good to talk to you for 5 seconds the other day. I REALLY hope you and Ben make it to the wedding. I miss you. My fingers-n-toes are crossed.

3. Carol, I can't wait to hang out on Saturday! It's in HUGE letters on my calendar! I just want to see your smiling face and Tom's bald head.

Thank you and GOOD NIGHT!

Her's is the tonic and mine is the gin!

Oh, you dare me???!?!? You DARE ME, Phoebe Marie????

I don't NEED to be dared!!

STAY TUNED!

Now it's up to me...what will be.

I can not wrap my mind around the fact that "She's Gone" is NOT on Hall and Oates Greatest Hits! Who was in charge of picking the jams for this compilation? It's unacceptable. And it's even MORE unacceptable that I've had this disc for YEARS and just noticed the omission now. I shouldn't even be allowed to call myself a fan. But I will cause who are YOU to tell me what to do?? You're probably the person who forgot to put "She's Gone" on the list! Case closed.

ONWARD!

I painted all weekend. Every free second I had, I was parked at my station and buckled! It was the most focused I have been since the show got booked. I finished a painting I had started last week ("Bride of Frankenberry") and did nine more. That's right...NINE (one that Todd titled "Carrot Orgy"). And I've got to say...they're pretty rad and I'm proud of myself. Being PROUD of myself is a new feeling. I need to ride this wave for awhile. And even better than ME being proud, is making other people proud. Like Todd, who loves when I paint. And like Carol, who said, "I'm really proud of how hard you're working to get your show together. U r inspiring me". Made me blush a little. I like the warm and fuzzies I've had lately.

But there are only 3 available weeks/weekends left which would normally make me panic. Yes, I work best under pressure so I know that I'll come out on top. But since I've been so productive the past 2 weeks, I just have to convince myself that I'll meet my goal. I've lowered my goal but I still feel it's solid...50 small to large paintings and 20 of the Teeny Tiny collection w/ mini easels. Now if by some chance I meet my original goal (60/30), it will be a bonus. I can do this. "Cannibalicious!" is going to be great. Thanks to all my pals for being encouraging and awesome. Oh, and thanks in advance for buying paintings. You're GRRRRRREAT!

ROCK!

I'll do almost anything that you want me to.

Yoga. I survived it.

And survived is not me exaggerating in any way. It was MUCH harder than when I've used my yoga videos at home (and had the option of slacking). My entire body, head to toe was worked out and today, I'm happy to report that I'm having a hard time slouching. My ruff posture was brought to my attention yesterday...but if I stood at my full (almost) 5'8"...my boobs would knock your lights out or puncture your heart. Depending on YOUR height.

So...yoga. What's to say?

I think I am a little jaded in a way. I don't buy into all the incense and chanting and new age babble so it was hard for me not to laugh at times. And when I was supposed to be emptying my mind...I wasn't. I think it will probably get easier for me to clear my mind and focus when I learn more of the poses and improve my form. My eyeballs were all over the room to make sure I was doing thins correctly. Yeah...Phoebe, Lisa and I were the tattooed black sheep of yoga. But I expected nothing else.

Some of the poses/movements/whatever, I was really good at. Like I said, I'm flexible. But on the other hand...I have zero-to-no balance. And when you have no balance and are clumsy like me, things can get sketchy. Though I am not the person who feel on their butt during a simple squat (and THAT is why I love you). But with my balance and weird backward bending knees...my legs were a-shakin'. But it will get better. I can go to 10 more classes before the wedding and that can only help in my body improvement efforts. So despite the mumbo jumbo and little things that I struggled with...it was worth it. I could have seen myself bailing on it but I didn't. So...gold star for me. And Phoebe. And Lisa.

And I slept solidly for the first time in a long time, just like the instructor said I would. And while my body doesn't feel sore, it does feel different. Like I said, I'm having a hard time rocking the sunken emo posture today. In the middle of the night, Todd gave my back and belly a rub down which added to the whole relaxation effort. I could stand to relax. I'm holding 8+ months of wedding planning stress. That's probably why I slouch.

OH! And speaking of that whole relaxing thing...at one point during some goofball part where you lay on the ground with your eyes closed, breathing (as if you had a choice), the instructor came around and she rubbed behind my ears and my forehead (she didn't it to everyone...I wasn't special, or molested). I felt sooooo relaxed at the moment and also very emotional for whatever reason. That was my emo moment while others decided to get emo during the whole "ooooooooooooooom" moment. That was the moment I got cynical again.

So yoga. Looks like I'll be going back next week.

By the wedding, I'll be 6'2" and unstoppable!

And it wouldn't be the same without you!

I guess since this is wedding-related, it could and maybe SHOULD go in the Skunk-n-Weasel wedding blog. But despite it's wedding-relatedness...it's actually Phoebe-centric. Yes, ladies-n-germs, I am going blather for a minute about how awesome Phoebe is and how she should be cloned and distributed. But only to the worthy. I finally got to spend some one-on-one time with Bizzle last night which just reignited my love for her. Her non-husband better watch out!

So last night I met up with Phoebe and for whatever reason, as soon as I sat down, all the stress I had recently been experiencing popped right into my brain! And then out of my mouth! I made a "To Do" list, if you will, for Phoebe which made me feel like a royal scumbag! But she is my MOH and my go-to gal and unfortunately, there were a few things I needed to go-to her for. The wedding is only 74 days away. That's really not a lot of time and there really IS a lot to do. I have to be more organized that I ever have before! Hence...the list.

And she was majorly receptive! We quickly went item by item and she made notes and suggestions and was just...on top of it all. I can honestly say that she has not turned down one thing I've asked her and has been utterly helpful from square one. But I was still all full of stress. Things went sooooooo easily in the beginning and now, with the loose ends, it's starting to get difficult. But she squeezed me (not in a filthy way) and licked my arm (also not in a filthy way) and told me I was allowed to be stressed and jittery. Thank God!

She also fed me beer as this wedding has made me poor-n-thirsty.

I still feel kind of like a little snake for handing her a list. It's not at all like I'm commanding her to do my bidding. But it feels that way. Besides what she's already done, she's in charge of the ceterpieces for the reception, securing the gifts for my gals, possible making my wedding necklace, and helping get the bachelorette par-tay thing-a-ma-jig organized. She's even going to help do Todd's hair on wedding day!!! I'd have dropped dead long ago without her help. So thank you, Phoebe. For everything you've done, everything you're doing, for letting me freak out and stress out and ramble and just been nutty. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. And how much Todd appreciate's it. And I'm sure you'll appreciate when this whole thing is over. I don't blame you.

But I do love you.

Hold on, hold on, hold on to what you've got.

1. This was the first year that I missed Heavy Rebel. Some of the usual suspects were taking a year off so that was comforting. I wasn't the only dud. But then again...I missed some radness. Like Lisa being there. And Carol (Miss Firecracker One-Woman Band) playing in the jailhouse. The more I think about it all, the sadder I am. But there just wasn't money...or time. Next year...when I'm a married woman with an art show under my belt...I'll be there. And I'll have more fun than anybody else. But for now...sulking.

2. I'm going to yoga with Phoebe this week. Should be interesting. I'm already uber-flexible so I'm taking this as an opportunity to hang with Phoebe and destress. You all know I've been going bananas lately with everything that's on my plate. Even though I don't believe in all this new-age hooey, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try and "get centered" or "harness my chi" or something. Plus, anything that makes me leaner gets an A+ in my book.

3. Speaking of getting leaner...I've been fluctuating between a 9 - 15 pound weight loss. Patting myself on the back. Patting myself on the ASS! Todd noticed I had lost but didn't notice I had gained...that's how I like it. And we're both pretty fond of the way this vessel is shaping up. Now it's just time to tone. Which includes sweating and effort...which can be sucko. I think I know an activity that suits me and my purpose which Todd cvan participate in! Va-VOOM! Enough smut. Like a lot of chix, I sometimes in the past have had body image issues. Even when I was STICK THIN, it wasn't enough. This is enough. I feel really good in my skin right now. My goal to be a bad ass bride is well within reach.

4. Stemming from above...things in the "Va-VOOM" department have been extra Va-VOOMY recently. I don't want to burn your eyeballs out with the gorey and possibly illegal details...and I don't want to enduce cookie-tossing by talking about how our room smells...and it probably would do you no good (unless you need to be pushed over the edge) to talk about how sore I am...but yeah. Drink that all in! I'm smutty and I'm not afraid to admit it!

5. I saw the "New Moon" trailer for the first time and now I'm counting down the days until November. Luckily, the art show (August), wedding-n-honeymoon (September), and They Might Be Giants (October) will help the time fly. I was late to jump on the "Twilight" band wagon so I am determined to see this one in the theater at LEAST once. I've heard that Edward is absent for a portion of the book so I will use that portion of the film to use the can. My sister has Jasper as a back up. I have no back up. I'm all Edward all the time.

6. I don't care what anyone says. When "More Than a Feelin'" by Boston comes on the radio, you just HAVE to get happy. Especially if you hear it in a car on a nice day and your windows are down. I'm not a big fan of "classic rock" but that song works. So does "Cosmic Thing" by B-52s. Sure, it's totally goofy and ridiculous but I love it. You can't NOT be in a good mood when you hear that song. I love music. I miss going to shows non-stop. I hope Sasquatch lets me slap him across the face!

7. I was unsatisfied with the photos I had previously had of my paintings for "Cannibalicious!" so yesterday, I took all new pics. I posted them (on Face Space, of course) and I'm getting really good feedback. Everyone is going bananas over "Angry Breakfast"...like anyone could resist it. I think I should force the 2 highest bidders to compete for it in a luchador style wrestling match right there in the gallery. That won't happen in reality...but it will in my brain! I picked up the promo cards and will be distributing them like MAD. BEWARE!

8. Jen just told me that when they baby kicks, she can see it from the outside now. I miss her so much and I'm so pumped to meet my nephew! I've never been a big fan of other people's kids. There were random gems that I latched on to but as a whole...eh. Then Jen May had my boyfriend, Nolan. He's rad in every way and he's going to be 1 this week! ADORE that kid. And I've adored Jen's baby from the time her third preggo test and it read PREGGO! While I don't look forward to giving birth feeling like "doing the splits on a crate of dynomite", I look forward to cooking up a little monster. Soon. Sorry Phoebe. You'll be an aunt even if you ARE allergic to children.

9. I can't believe it's July 6th! This year is flying by at warp speed! I'm going to be a wife soon. REALLY soon. Not as soon as Marie, but SOON! And after that, Jen will be a mommy! This all blows my mind. If you would have asked me last year what I thought would happen THIS year...Jen becoming a parent and me becoming a wife would NOT have been on that list. I guess it's nice to still be shockable in good ways. It's the horrific shocks that my mind can't handle. But everyone I knew who was suffering last year has mended and they rock harder than ever. Thumbs up, 2009!

10. I love you.

I knew that it was now or never!

The following entry has been rated R by me...and I am the only person who can rate my own life. Children, pregnant people, assholes, and the elderly should probably just shut this page now and save themselves the potential exposure to smut. You've been warned, suckahs.

*blushing*

I just wrote all kinds of repulsive, sloppy, slutty details about my misadventures with the fiancee last night but I had to erase them. As the kids would say, it was just TMI. I love you all and don't want my night time (and middle of the night time) extra-curriculars to make you throw up on whatever is nearest to your mouth. Just know that my toes are still curled, he thinks I'm a "foxy sexy love monger", and we're totally hardcore crushing...AGAIN!

I feel filthy. The good kind of filthy. Our hanky panky smutty stuff is always good, don't get me wrong. That is one area where no matter what else is going on, we clickity click! But there was something about last night. I can't quite peg it and I don't think he could either. And even better than the ACTUAL activities...was waking up 2:00am still rip-roarin' and ready to ravage and then listening to songs on the radio, laughing hysterically! It was a BLAST!

A 3 day weekend (4 for little ol' me) of just him and me and whatever the f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fudge we want to do! My heart is breakdancing in anticipation of the laws we might break together over the next span of days. We can't stop thinking about each other today! I just got a text with the word "boner" in it. Tell me this isn't high school????

I LOVE MY LIFE!