Gonna scream REAL LOUD!

I stole this from Rick because my fingers feel like typing and my brain feels like emptying but somewhere in there, I can't sort out my thoughts to say anything witty or interesting. So I'm going to do this and see what comes out of it. Maybe I can find out why I'm under some sort of little black raincloud today and why I can't sleep...again. An answer has to lie in that tangled mess of my mind somewhere, am I right?

The Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note completing the 36 "I’ve come to realize." And blah, blah, blah...there were a gaggle of more rules that don't apply since this isn't a Facebook note. So I'm basically just filling in the blanks. And it's basically just a time waster because I doubt 36 fill-in-the-blanks are going to help you know me any better. I've pretty much put it all out there over the past 9 years of blogging. 36 is one of my lucky numbers so I guess I could wax philosophical on that. But I won't.

Onward.

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...is pretty rad since I like having big jugs, but could always be bigger. After nursing school and babies, bigger jugs may be on my To-Do list.

2. I've come to realize that my job..., which I appreciate having it and the money/stability it provides, is not my dream job and I'm not sure how much room I have to grow here.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I get overly annoyed by people who have the "Don't Put My Flag On Your Foreign Car" stickers. My Toyota is going to outlive your Ford by yeaaaaars. And sorry Patriot, but I don't have money for a boatload of repairs.

4. I've come to realize that I need...to put my foot down. No matter what the consequences are.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...some really amazing friends and opportunities due to being young, emotional, and easily taken advantage of. But I am no longer any of those things. If anything, I'm just broken...in a way I can accept.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...people think there's a time limit on hurt. Somethings you just DON'T get over. Simple as that.

7. I've come to realize that when I'm drunk...I love listening to music REALLY LOUD in the car (as a passenger). Like when Phoebe and I would be driving around listening to "Tessie" and Sasquatch and the Sickabillies and Von Bondies and "Hometown". Those were the days.

8. I've come to realize that money...and I should be getting along jussssssst fine pretty soon. I will be totally debt free, all bills will be paid in full, and money will be in savings. Not too shabby. But that's soon. For now...I'm the bread winner and 3 people are eating the bread.

9. I've come to realize that certain people...are ugly on the inside.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always...have "an undying ability to never give up". And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I just know it IS and it will probably kill me at an early age.

11. I've come to realize that my siblings...are solid.

12. I've come to realize that my mom...might have finally accepted that it isn't "just a phase".

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...is a nuisance. I never answer calls. I get annoyed by it. It annoys people. And I hate other people's cell phones as well. They're evil. They're only used for evil.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I was pretty unhappy. I was pretty unhappy when I went to bed last night. I couldn't have really expected things to just change while I slept. That "tomorrow is a new day" stuff is garbage.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...I was uploading old school pictures of me and pals onto Facebook and reliving some really good times in my life.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am...daydreaming about the wedding because I'm anxious for it to get here already. It's the one thing that keeps my head above water when I'm moody. Which I am. Because I'm exhausted and stressed and stretched too thin.

17. I've come to realize that my dad...and I have to transfer 30 cases of beer from his car to mine. And then Todd and I have to transfer 30 cases of beer from my car to the house. And then from the house to the car. Then the car to the caterers. And none of this sounds like any fun to me.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I am totally reminded of how funny and rad my friends are, and how Todd is cute and loves me, and how My Space is lame and I'm over it (besides wanting to see pictures of Jen's belly).

19. I've come to realize that today...marks 25 days until the wedding. But outside of that fact, today will probably be a lot like yesterday. Maybe even identical.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...I have to remember to eat dinner. And I have to go to bed early so that I don't zombie my way through another morning.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...is Wednesday so Top Chef is on. Or is it Project Runway? Either way, a show I like is on and will tape and I will watch it when I'm off on Friday like I do with ALL my shows. I inherited this television problem from my mother.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...learn how to throw knives, swallow swords, and breathe fire. I wouldn't mind learning how to fence either.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this...could've been my friend if circumstances were not as they are and things that happened hadn't.

24. I've come to realize that life...is hard. And anyone who thinks it isn't is an idiot and should be punched in the junk!

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...is a rad Skunk-n-Weasel Weekend. Thursday is PJ Thursday per usual (and Johnny is joining us!!!), Friday we have a date to go see "Inglorious BAsterds", Saturday we're going to s cocktail shin-dig, and Sunday, if Stephanie is right about her Manhattans, will be scheduled recovery. I'm pumped about it all.

26. I've come to realize the best music to listen to when I am upset...is either music that makes me cry so I get it out of my system (I have a limited number of tears per cry) or music that makes me super happy so I can just say "Ahhhh, fuck it".

27. I've come to realize that #27...is missing and was probably the one indepth question I needed to set myselt right again. The person I hate most in the world is 27 so that number can just disappear for all I care.

28. I've come to realize that this year...has been both rewarding and difficult. There are parts I'll never forget and parts I don't care to remember. But this year is the year I'm marrying the person I love. So it's a rad year in my book.

29. I've come to realize that my ex...was just a HUGE mistake and I'm pretty embarrassed.

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...start smoking again.

31. I've come to realize that I love...Todd. More than anything and anyone on this planet and that is why I have "an undying ability to never give up". I also love my besties, the Ol' Kentucky Sharks, my family, my life, my top 10 favorite bands, going to shows, roadtrips, being a Pussyfoot Girl, being me, and cheese.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...a lot of math but I LOVE math.

33. I've come to realize my past...made me the person I am today, scars and all.

34. I've come to realize that parties...are typically fun, especially theme parties, and I think the New Year's Eve party I threw before Ben and Lisa moved was one of the best parties EVER! I consider our wedding reception "a party" and I think it will knock people's socks off.

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...of being buried alive.

36. I've come to realize that my life...overall is amazing. When I die, I'll be able to say that I did everything I wanted to and nothing/no one held me back. Despite the hard times and heartaches, I always came out on top and better than before. I've lived.