But now you know you've seen the worst.

Now not only am I physically screwed, I'm an emotional crab.

I am owed a personal day at work per policy. I try to cash it in for tomorrow seeing as my back feels at least 13% worse today than it did when I defied gravity on my staircase. Sure, they let me to my face but then I am guilt tripped into NOT using it. A little remark is made about my attendance record (in jest, I'm assured) but when I bring it up to the person who said it, he responds with, "Hey, that has nothing to do with me". Which MEANS that someone else...someone upper management-y...doesn't like the fact that I wasn't coming in.

I EARNED my personal day for the quarter! I'm fucking hurting! I swear, you can not be injured or ill around this place and crack a smile or that means you're all healed up! I came in today no matter how bad I was feeling. I cried at my fucking desk and it was even suggested that I go home. Instead, I'll finish the day and not come in tomorrow but NO! That just doesn't fly. I'm sorry if I'm ranting and raving but that's what I do here. I'm especially riled up about how nobody seemed to mind when my roomie didn't come in one day last week because her vacation flights were screwy (not her fault as this is not MY fault). I'm B-R-O-K-E-N! But don't worry. I'll be here bright and early, doing my job, mentally flipping everyone off, pretending everything is fine.

And it WAS fine for a second. I didn't want anyone to look at me as a bad worker or look down on me or whatever. Not that I should care since everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, abuses the system here. It was only after I had time to reflect on it that I was like, "WHAT THE HELL!?!? I should be able to use my personal day whenever I want to! And I want to NOW! Because my back hurts! And I am uncomfortable! And I was CRYING!". I feel like I could cry right now.

I am currently the following :
-mierable
-frustrated
-uncomfortable
-antsy
-anxious
-embarrassed
-riled-up
-furious
-livid
-confused
-upset
-discouraged
-lonely
-in pain
-misdirecting my anger
-unhappy
-sore
-in shock
-crying

Maybe I'll cry all day tomorrow and make everyone uncomfortable.