Without any money there goes our romance.

If I wasn't "in like" before, I am now. Let us marvel at the powers a very slight change in appearance have on making your woman parts tingle.

Last night at the Beachland, I was approached by a charming writer named Matt who is on a 25 city roadtrip in order to write a fictional story about real people and events. The main character, Theo, is fake. I, a possible character in chapter three, am real. But if Theo doesn't like me in chaper three, that is also fake because Matt liked me, and he is real. It's all very fascinating and you can and should check it out at http://www.onebrave.com, especially since The Pussyfoot Girls were given some mad props and free promotion. This is what our new friend Matt (whom I called Pat most of the evening) has to say about us:

The best part of the night, though, was meeting some of the "Pussyfoot Girls," a local Cleveland troupe of burlesque dancers. They are bringing back the lost art of silly faux-strip tease dancing. The whole project is more about having fun, than selling sex, but these are, incidentally, sexy girls. You have to understand that the "scene" that these girls love is all about Rock and Roll as it used to be, in the dirty underside of the 1950's and 60's -- tattoos, hot rods and boys in jeans with slicked back hair. Their act fits right in, because they are the girls that those boys would love, and do.

Speaking of those sexy, silly gals that I know and love, the kinks were all ironed out, as they say, at practice last night and our routine for Saturday's show at the Beachland should be a smashing success in every aspect. Goodbye "Human Fly" and hello "TV Set"! Be there or be square and despite what Huey Lewis said, that is not a hip way to be.

Rockin' a pretty nasty pain in my lower right side, front and back, sort of wrapping around, like a one-sided chastity belt of agony. I was top notch when I crashed after the Throw Rag show last night but I woke up feeling like an eighteen wheeler had a polka party on me. Sore muscles, headache, sneezing, coughing...rotten all around. Then there's this massive pain that has made me very aware of the size and shape of my organs. And it's swollen and squishy in that region...I pinch some fat that wasn't there before and I'm fairly certain it isn't fat at ALL but a hand full of pancrease, kidney, or liver. It's repugnant...and painfull! I'm having problems going from sitting to standing and my mouth taste like I've been using a metal bar as a lollipop. It's uncomfortable and irritating. I decided against going to the emergency room unless I feel like an organ is trying to escape out my side tomorrow. Then I'll be left with few options.

It didn't help my guts that things seemed awfully weird with Bean at work. Maybe she poisoned my Pepsi.