Our only home is bone. Our only home is bone.

It sure is a slap in the face to discover that what you thought was a kidney infection or possibly a swollen liver is in fact 2 non-displaced, fractured ribs. It's a kick in the teeth to learn that there is nothing you can do about it outside of laying off the heavy lifting and eating a healthy diet, popping some Ibuprofin every few hours. And it's a foot straight up the ass that you're ribs broke for no reason at all...cause undetermined...a few short days before The Pussyfoot Girls' show with Deke Dickerson!!! Are you still going to be in the show eventhough it's been advised against? Heck yes! Are you still going to roll around on the floor, prolonging the healing process? You betcha! Is this all going to take place after several beers and shots of whiskey? Looks that way! Excellent. You make me proud. As Queen La Tata said, the 2-8 week healing time begings AFTER the show!

All pride aside, it's moments like these when I wish I had a boyfriend. I can't bend over to pick anything up, I have trouble with strairs, I can't over extend my arms...it's rough. I need help but live alone...not totally alone but while Dr. Nightmare attorney-at-law may have extra toes and the best intentions, I don't really see her cooking me dinner or helping me get dressed for work. And work was tough today and will be even tougher tomorrow with Bean being absent. If I drop a paper on the floor, it's staying there. If I need to get out of my chair to get something, it may take a little longer that usual. And for crying out loud, don't expect me to be overly chipper during this time of my "differently abled-ness". You may tell me to suck it up and I'll tell you to get ready for a quick sledge-hammer to the rib cage. Then we'll see who's sucking what.

At work today, a man walked past me and really gently touched my side, commenting on how for the past two days when he massaged my pain, he had actually been caressing 2 broken bones and noted how great that must have felt. Sure, it felt like the hounds of Hell were feasting on an eight year old girl with pigtails and the world's most sensitive nerves, but it was worth it. There's nothing better than a crush. But while a crush works wonders on "my girl parts", I really want to feel the weight of a man! I want hugging and spooning and making out and other cream-puff activities! I want to meet a guy that I am sooo into that is sooo into me who will rub my ribs and feed me ice-cream in bed. I want to be Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler for fuckin' fuck's sake!

However, I can not feel the weight of a man for the next 2-8 weeks.

I do have 2 broken ribs, you know.