But nothing can change the way I feel today.

EMO ALERT! Put up your trendy umbrellas so you don't ruin that dramatic emo haircut of yours because there is a little, black, bastard of a rain cloud bugging the sweet bejesus out of me. Yes, ladies and germs, I am in a bear of a mood yet again! Weeeeee! I've been using the good old "I've got allergies" or "There's something in my eye" excuse all the live long day but that doesn't explain why I have lips like Angelina Jolie and I'm all red and blotchy. I wish I could just throw up on someone. Preferably a small child or a member of the elderly population. That would perk me up, no doubt. Though I did throw up on a tree in my back yard this week and that pretty much added to my depression.

Yes, I'm riding the "d" train and I'm buying stock in tissues.

I really don't feel like going in to all the bloody, gutty, nasty, slimy, gorey, stanky details. Because overall, I had a Helluva weekend with a pretty gnarly Pussyfoot show at the Wakeman airport and some camping with my fella in Sandusky (the baked potatos were hard as bricks but the corn-on-the-cob was da bomb, as the kids like to say). We even had a pretty k-rad bonfire on Sunday night...80% k-rad and 20% suck-ass. It had such potential to be a bonafide rocker of a weekend, and I'm not saying it was all based on the late-night brawl. There were all kinds of elements adding to my fury. I spent my Monday vacation from work in my bed on Vicodin, watching Project Runway season 2 and loathing all.

I'm feeling all lonely again and it's lonliness that I find to be the most rotten annoyance in my life. And once again, this is NOT just based on the man in my life. I'm all kinds of lonely. And I feel like nothing I do is good enough for ANYONE. There must be something going around at my house because Jen caught this moody, self-pitying bug and now I have it. I don't say the right things. I don't do the right things. I can't make anyone happy. I'm not worth being around or being included. I don't deserve to be nice to. I don't try hard enough. I can't pull anything off. There's so many more "I don't" or "I can't" that I could boo-hoo and wah-wah about but I really don't want to relive this days from now when I'm (hopefully) all smiles and laughs again.

But for now...pass the Kleenex please.