It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you.

Put rubberbands on my claws and cover me in butter. I'm a crab.

I think maybe it's an "every other year" thing but suddenly I feel very negative abut my birthday. My party was flippin' fantastic, of course. Lords of the Highway played, almost everyone I love came out in their sleepy-time attire, the fella I love showered me in affection (no matter how public the display was, it was appreciated), and I have enough whiskey to bring Johnny Cash back from the grave and then send him right back to Maggot-ville.

BUT...

...and it's a BIG butt...but...whatever...

I'm just very crabby. All I keep picturing is me, tomorrow, at home alone, watching the tube, eating cupcakes. Now while that is a HIGHLY attractive senario and it's making me a little steamy in the drawers...is that what I want to do on my birthday? And not to sound all Carrie Bradshaw or anything, but it really rots to not have a special guy to celebrate my birthday with. Sure, I have a guy...sort of but not REALLY...and I'm not even seeing that guy tomorrow. I guess I want someone (with a penis) to be excited about my birthday and want to make me really happy on that day. It probably sounds selfish but I don't know.

I'm just lonely, I guess. This weekend I was referred to as somebody's "girl" butthere was alcohol involved and I had to take it all with a grain of salt. Maybe I'll be his "girl" some day but I'm not holding my breath or selling myself short. I'm rambling, I know. I just have the blues. Last year around this time, my ex-husband (whom I was separated from at the time...imagine THAT) would just show up in the middle of the night because he wanted to sleep with me (the snoring, spooning kind of sleep, pervert). I want that. I miss that. And there's someone that I already KNOW I want to do that with but I can't because MY LIFE IS A SHAM!!!

I'm sorry. I just needed to vent. I just feel glum.