If you want it enough to cry for it, you'll find love.

Let's get right to the point. No pussyfooting around.

I can't say the "L" word. You know the one. No, not "lesbian". The OTHER "L" word. The "I *insert L word here* you" word. Even with my husband, I had to psych myself up when I wanted to say it because we just never did...ever. It made me feel like a loser to be honest.

But I WANT to be able to say it! Maybe not ALL the time so it loses it's meaning, like the phrase "cheese sandwich" (if you haven't seen the movie "Love & Sex", see it...it's witty and funny and charming and brilliant and I love Phoebe for making me watch it). In fact, I am going to say " I cheese sandwich you" or just plain old "cheese sandwich" to express my sentiments from now on.

I mean, I can say love. LOVE LOVE LOVE! Just not to a man that I love or, as we learned today, to THE man that I love. I know you're probably flipping out and wondering how the HELL I can be in love so out of the blue or WHY I'm in love with the dude I am. It's not so out of the blue...it's been growing and festering and oozing.

Boy oh boy, did I start pussyfootin' or what?!?! I think I'm still in shock.

I spilled my guts today. Gave my heart to someone which I didn't really think was possible. But never said the "L" word. I danced around it and I am NOT a good dancer. Early on, I said I had something to tell him...managed to drag that out all day. He told me that I could tell him anything. He suspected that maybe I had "found someone". He was expecting the worst. Finally, after many start-n-stop moments, many deep breaths, him patiently waiting but impatiently wondering and saying, "What does it SOUND like?"...I said the following brilliant words...

"It sounds like 'I think...', well, it's SIMILAR to 'I think...I like you A WHOLE LOT'...but it's WAY bigger than that". (Translations: I think I'm falling in love with you).

And then I ran away.

Smooth, huh?

No matter how ridiculous the whole mess was, he didn't avoid me. He called me and laughed with me about it...seemed genuinely stunned but not against it. Wanted to talk more about my semi-cryptic message but respected that I just COULDN'T at the moment because I was FREAKING...like it was the first time I had "cheese sandwich"-ed a guy. In all actuality, I'm not getting my hopes up that he will "cheese sandwich" me or that anything more that what HAS happened WILL happened...but my Ipod does (wink). But I said what I needed to say...or at least a version of it.

AND I FEEL INVINCIBLE!