I love you, Pussyfoot Girls. I am very proud of all of us. We rocked the big stage without many of our close, personal dudes there. We really earned those applause. We performed to a new crowd and I think we pulled it off. I still can't believe I wore that outfit but when Potsie said I looked like a pin-up girl, well, how could I NOT wear it? I'm sure there's a seat in Hell reserved for me now! But I had a lot of fun and I love each and every one of you fiesty chicks. It is my pleasure to perform with you every time. Even that really HORRIBLE time! I am truly looking forward to November and December's shows. VIVA LA PUSSYFOOT!
Tomorrow is my second favorite day of the year (nothing surpasses February 7th...NOTHING) and I'm feeling slightly blue about it. I went to the traditional family Halloween function today which I usually love and felt so out of sorts. I really felt like I had no one to talk to. Everyone had someone and I was just...me...the girl whose mother forbids her to date (thinks it's too soon, which it may very well be) and makes her feel like she probably never WILL date and that getting married again is pretty much out of the question and won't be taken seriously just like the FIRST marriage...the one that failed. I really haven't felt this alone in awhile and the sting is unbareable.
It really hit me today that I don't have a family. My mom has her husband and her kids. My oldest sister has her husband and her kids. My other sister has her husband and her kids. In fact, everyone there had a spouse and kids and a life that didn't include being a 26 year old, divorced, part-time go-go dancer with exceptionally big hair, lots of tattoos, and championship drinking skills. Even my 16 year olf nephew has had the same girlfriend for over a year with no signs of a break up! I don't have a family. I had a husband and he didn't want me. I think I had a gut check moment about that today. My husband didn't want me...he threw me away. The one person out there that DOES want me (and I want as well...because believe me, there are some real duds out there that want me) can't REALLY be with me. So where does that leave me? Alone. And it rots.
I'm not having a pity party so I hope it doesn't sound that way. I'm just feeling awfully blue right now. Tomorrow, I probably won't dress up or do anything fancy at all where Halloween is concerned. I'm going to pass out candy for the first time at my new digs which is exciting but instead of spending the evening at Groovie Ghoulies (don't want to see my ex and his new broad when at this time last year, he returned home from Groovie Ghoulies with arm loads of gifts for me because I was so missed), I'll be spending 45 minutes with Johnny Switchbalde, my new trainer, turning fat into muscle and getting cut. I need to do something to change my 'tude and I think better thighs might help in that department. The rest of my Halloween will probably find me buried under my blankets watching 'Poltergeist'.
At least it's almost N4 and plan A1, B1 or B2, or C will take place.
If you know, you know.
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