Well, its tough...so tough...to crush on you.

I have a crush on a boy.

I don't like it.

The interesting thing about this crush is that it's very atypical. We had our first dates (not so much dates as hangouts...drinking, talking, watching movies, busting each other's chops, laughing it up), first sleep overs, first kisses, first...well..you know. All of that junk that you get at the beginning of a relationship (not that this IS a relationship) has come and gone...and it's comfortable now. But I guess that's where "real" stuff starts. Not that I'm a relationship expert...let the record show that in great, big, black letters. The kind that blink on and off obnoxiously.

And we've had a bad track record. The circumstances and the situation itself are not exactly ideal. But there's something about him...and this...that totally puts me at ease. When I'm sad, I turn to him. When I'm excited, I turn to him. When I'm totally insane, I turn to him. He's a damn good friend and we click something fierce. I wish I had more faith in it but it's been such a rollercoaster and there is so much physical distance between us. But the emotional distance...no gaps. So I have a crush on him...again...or so it seems.

And it's abso-fucking-lutly terrifying the bejesus out of me.

I don't know if I'm ready to give my heart away. I'm not sure I'm ready to let anyone into it. I'm not sure anyone would WANT to be in such a rotten, black, cold place anyway. But the prospects sure are exciting, I'll tell you what.

It'll be interesting to see how this ends.

This weekend has been a long one. I feel slightly burnt out. Worked a long day Friday and headed straight to Detroit where I had a bitchin' time with Bean and Eddie. Red Hot Poker Dots were amazing and were such fine people. And of course, Koffin Kats were great, but they usually are. It's nice to be pals with a band that I actually like. I don't have to fake enthusiasm. I also don't have to fake the big black bruise on my knee that came from rockin' out to "2084" and "Sleep" along with others. Some pretty entertaining photos document the evening. I was draggin Saturday for my family event as well as the Shoe-Lanes luau...which DID rock! There was a pinata, tunes, Trader Tom's Red Lava Fizz, and a special announcement (congrats Yanitos!). I love my friends. My friends feel me up. And today, Pussyfoot practice.

Maybe at some point, I'll actually get to see my apartment again.

Mama misses you, kitties!